Who needs chlorpromazine when you've got crystals?
July 13, 2003 5:53 AM   Subscribe

Common sense, really. Need something to do on a Sunday morning? Charles Osgood's fine, but he's got nowhere near the entertainment value of the New Age IQ Test. It's a stunning exercise both in web design and rational outlook. Brought to you by the folks at the Salem (Massachusetts)New Age Center. Don't miss the writings of John Cali, who "channels Chief Joseph."
posted by Mayor Curley (20 comments total)
Well, I wasn't too sure about what really landed in Roswell NM, but if it's the answer on a quiz I guess it really was alien spaceships.
posted by Space Coyote at 6:01 AM on July 13, 2003

I find it interesting that New Age is "entertainment" while religion is taken seriously. I mean, why is believing that there is a God, heaven and hell any less crackpot than believing in aliens. Indeed, aliens are more believable. I wouldn't knock others spiritual beliefs, tolerance is key.
posted by stbalbach at 8:17 AM on July 13, 2003

I am completely ashamed of myself, but I got every question correct (even the one about the Grey's being from Zeta Reticuli). I read just way to much about this crap in the 80's.

And stbalbach, the problem with all-inclusive labels like "New Age" is that they're really just hundreds of scattered outsiders with their own individual ideas or agendas. Alien technology and civilizations, abductions, origins, etc. have very little in common with automatic writing or telekinesis, which has little in common with Tarot cards, which has little in common with... well, you get the point.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:35 AM on July 13, 2003

damn, i got 27 of 36 correct. i guess that phase i went through in the 8th grade dumped a lot of random info in my brain. heh.
posted by centrs at 8:48 AM on July 13, 2003

I find it interesting that New Age is "entertainment" while religion is taken seriously.

That really depends on who you ask, I think. A new age true believer will tell you that it's not entertainment at all. Someone who calls new age beliefs "entertainment" but takes conventional religion seriously is probably religious. They're both just defending what they believe in.
posted by dnash at 9:37 AM on July 13, 2003

I got 23 right, but I'd say there were only maybe 10 of them that I actually knew, and those were the obvious ones. The others, I just guessed well.

I find it amusing that they classified 1-12 as a good start. If you got less than 12 questions right, you did worse than random chance. That'd make you, like, anti-psychic or something.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:53 AM on July 13, 2003

is that they're really just hundreds of scattered outsiders with their own individual ideas or agendas

This ... sounds ... familiar ... soooooo ... familiar.
posted by WolfDaddy at 10:40 AM on July 13, 2003

36 of 36 correct. Not really that difficult, considering that the correct button to press can be devined from looking at the page source.

You'd think the aliens at least thought them a little basic html-skills, but noooooooo.
posted by spazzm at 10:51 AM on July 13, 2003

Also, I'm pretty sure Tesla is most famous for the Tesla Coil.

I'm sorry, I meant to say 37 of 37 correct.

You'd think the aliens at least thought me a little basic arithmetic, but noooooo
posted by spazzm at 11:02 AM on July 13, 2003

35 out of 36. I got the one on who somebody channels wrong. Seth, I guess.
The funny part of this quiz is that I had no idea I knew so much about this stuff. I wonder if I have a psychic link to some greater pool of knowledge....or spent too much time in the internet the past 8 years.
posted by oflinkey at 11:04 AM on July 13, 2003

"taught" is what I meant to write. Terribly sorry.

You'd think the aliens would at least teach me a little basic spelling and grammar, but noooooo.
posted by spazzm at 11:05 AM on July 13, 2003

No, Tesla is most famous for AC current. His idea on alternatiting three phases by 60 degrees (which he apparently came up with while sitting on a park bench on day) was true, inspired genius.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 11:12 AM on July 13, 2003

It may be true that Tesla's most ingenious invention is AC, but you'll notice that the invention that bear his name is not AC (we don't call it Tesla Current, now do we?) but the Tesla coil.

So the invention that, to me at least, has the strongest connection to Tesla is the coil in question. Call it brand name recognition or what have you.
posted by spazzm at 11:24 AM on July 13, 2003

Anyway, to determine what Tesla really is most famous for, we'll have to conduct a poll. The main point is that Tesla is certainly not famous for "free energy devices", and while he invented polyphase AC, he did not invent electricity.
posted by spazzm at 11:28 AM on July 13, 2003

spazzm - True dat.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:08 PM on July 13, 2003

I think Tesla's greatest accomplishment was the Tunguska Blast of 1908. I want a electronic death ray when I grow up!
posted by kaibutsu at 12:44 PM on July 13, 2003

Kaibutsu - Everybody but you seems to know that the Tunguska Blast was the result of the impact of Jimmy Hoffa's body - displaced in time by the Montaulk Experiment, accelerated to far greater than light speeds, and supercharged with Kundalini - slamming into the Earth.

32 out of 37 - I just barely scraped by, to pass into the realm of the select, the annointed, "accomplished student of the New Age."

* puts pyramid hat back on, resumes chanting money chant from "The Magic of Chant-O-Matics":

Money Money Money

Me Me Me

Now Now Now!
posted by troutfishing at 2:20 PM on July 13, 2003

and open letter to donald rumsfeld. beware the longitudinal wave interferometer.
posted by quonsar at 2:30 PM on July 13, 2003

Bear in mind that New Age is the only belief system currently based on artifacts -- that is, certain items and devices are necessary to implement your beliefs properly (I know that not all New Age is like this, but a significant portion is). It really is a belief system based wholly on owning things. The "New Age" shop where I grew up did a brisk and constant business of people who "didn't have the right item" for the task at hand.

I've met at least a few people who have been rather poorly-off, monetarily, but still find the cash to buy this stuff. It's very worrisome.
posted by j.edwards at 3:44 PM on July 13, 2003

j.edwards - why worry when you can laugh? And besides, I hardly think that "New Age-ism" is the only belief system dependant on artifacts, and I don't think it is wholly dependant on them anyway. What is "New Ageism" ? I'm not really sure anymore.

One could make the case that the Shamanic tradition - which still lurks in the background of all the great religious traditions - was "artifact dependant", but is it the case that the use of objects, artifacts, icons, fetishes - or whatever - in one's religious or mystical practices implies dependency?

One thing I can say about "New Ageism" is that, in general, it is somewhat akin to Shamanism in it's sense that 1) all matter is at some level "alive" or even conscious and 2) that there is a richly diverse world of entities - a world as complex in it's interrelationships and political economy as the realm of the Greek Gods - who inhabit the spirit realm. 3) There are various techniques (which sometimes employ objects which have or have become invested with special properties) through which one can interact with this realm.

The use of material objects makes sense in this context because the distinction between the material and spiritual realms is not made - all is spirit, really. And, conversely, there is a "material" component to the spirit realm also; in "New Ageism" and Shamanism alike, no Maginot Line is drawn between that which we call "material" and the "spiritual" - there is believed to be, instead, a continuum.

The alleged or observed materialism of "New Ageism" (whatever that is) probably stems from the overall materialism of it's primary practitioners - Americans.
posted by troutfishing at 6:27 PM on July 13, 2003

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