October 6, 2003 9:01 AM   Subscribe

Browse 1.6 million of Enron's emails for free, courtesy of the Federal Energy Regulation Commission. (Click on the "search iCONECT link in the table on this page, and wait through the slow Java check.) In among the secret dealings and strategic discussions are personal emails about one night stands and evil mother-in-laws.
[via this WSJ article]
posted by me3dia (24 comments total)
Federal Energy Regulation Commission
Er, Regulatory. Whoops.

Re: the database search software -- it doesn't work well on Mac (so they tell me) and requires the Microsoft Virtual Machine version of Java, so caveat emptor.
posted by me3dia at 9:04 AM on October 6, 2003

I get a VBScript error and a "Permission denied" in both IE and Firebird.
posted by waxpancake at 9:08 AM on October 6, 2003

also vbscript error at first. try this.
posted by dorian at 9:17 AM on October 6, 2003

I dunno, waxpancake, I got in fine. Then again, it was on the front page of the Wall Street Journal, and probably slashdotted by now as well, so who knows how clogged their bandwidth is.

However, since I'm in, I'll give you a sample. I found this by searching a certain curse verb.
From:Bhatia, Randy
Sent:Tuesday, July 24, 2001 8:57 AM
To:Dornier, Brent
Marye, David
bloody wanker,
thats beautiful.
what about lorenzos on yokohama tires?
what about when people say "take that chain off boy, you're blinding me"?
what about the 40 billion candle light atop the Luxor?
what about drink till we throw up?
what about candy coated helicoptors with leather covers?
what about private planes with 30 inch lorenzos?

-----Original Message-----
From: Dornier, Brent
Sent:Monday, July 23, 2001 9:54 AM
To:Bhatia, Randy
Marye, David
Good call. I think we should add a new variable into the Vegas model. We can call it the "Blinging Coefficient." I
propose the following scale:
1 - Grill Slugged Up (Lowest Level of Bling)
2 - Pinkie Ring Platinum Plus
3 - Ear Rings Trillian Cut
4 - Medallion Iced Up
5 - Rolex Bezeled Up (Highest Level of Bling)
P.S. You're all Jackseyes.

-----Original Message-----
From: Bhatia, Randy
Sent:17 July 2001 16:55
Marye, David
Dornier, Brent
getting the Vegas Itch again. i'm not talking about going up there and dropping mad bones. i'm talking lets just
fucking quit talking all this noise and just go for a night or 2. hotel specials are everywhere, and southwest goes
everyday from here. i'm thinking leave houston on a friday night, stay in a reasonable place, no car, and just
have a good time, come back saturday night or sunday morning.
i'm requesting a new, fully functioning Vegas Model to evaluate our opportunities for a very reasonable trip.
wives included?
Any words/phrases you'd like me to search & sample?
posted by me3dia at 9:19 AM on October 6, 2003

Any words/phrases you'd like me to search & sample?

Yes, please:

George W. Bush
Arnold Swhartznegger Aaahh!! GangBanger!
Names of the various computer programs used to "game" the deregulated California energy market
Gray Davis
campaign contributions

Thanks me3dia!
posted by nofundy at 9:29 AM on October 6, 2003

Do a search on "Chewco" or "Obi-1" or "Kenobi" -- here's why.
posted by grabbingsand at 9:30 AM on October 6, 2003

OK, gimme time on those -- the program is incredibly slow (and as noted, a bit buggy).
posted by me3dia at 9:32 AM on October 6, 2003

Here's a link to a story on some of the emails we are requesting.

Ahnold has been a very very bad, hasn't he Kenny boy?
posted by nofundy at 9:46 AM on October 6, 2003

Acc. to the site:
iCONECT may be unavailable - 10/06/03

Due to the large volume of users trying to access iCONECT, you may experience difficulty reaching the iCONECT website. Please be patient and try to connect at a later time.

We apologize for the inconvenience.
Also what's that about only 92% of Enron e-mails being returned to the site?
posted by carter at 10:05 AM on October 6, 2003

California -- too broad a term.
Schwarzenegger -- as nofundy noted.
campaign contributions: mostly news coverage round-up emails.

Here's one for Chewco:
From:Legal - James Derrick Jr.
Sent:Thursday, November 29, 2001 5:30 PM
To:All Enron Worldwide Distribution
Subject:CORRECTION: Important Announcement Regarding Document Preservation. (Sent by
Enron Announcements/Corp/Enron on behalf of Legal - James Derrick Jr. )
CORRECTION per the bolded text below.
On Wednesday, October 31, I sent an email to all Enron employees worldwide in
order to ensure that Enron employees retained documents that might be relevant
to ongoing litigation. New lawsuits have been filed that enlarge the scope of
the information that Enron will need to retain. The following list includes
both the topics in the earlier email and the topics related to the new
Effective immediately, please do the following:
1. If you have any voice mails that relate in any way to the LJM Deal or
Chewco Investments L.P. including any accounting issues related to these
transactions, please forward the voice mails to x3-6800.
2. If you have any voice mails that relate in any way to the proposed Dynegy
merger or the Enron Corp. Savings Plan, including any accounting issues related
to these transactions, please forward the voice mails to x3-6803.
3. If you have any voice mails that relate in any way to Enron's public
statements regarding EBS, Azurix, New Power Co., or any voice mail regarding
financial transactions involving these matters, including accounting issues
related to these matters, please forward the voice mails to x3-6801.
4. If you have any voice mails that relate in any way to Enron's public
statements regarding the proposed merger with Dynegy or the Enron Corp. Savings
Plan or any voice mail regarding financial transactions involving these
matters, including accounting issues related to these matters, please forward
the voice mails to x3-6803.
5. If you have any e-mails that relate in any way to the LJM Deal,
Chewco Investments L.P., including any accounting issues related to these
transactions, please forward the e-mails to LJM.litigation@enron.com.
6. If you have any e-mails that relate in any way to the proposed Dynegy
merger, including any accounting issues related to these transactions, please
forward the e-mails to dynegy.merger@enron.com.

7. If you have any e-mails that relate in any way to the Enron Corp.
Savings Plan, including any accounting issues related to these transactions,
please forward the e-mails to enron.savingsplan@enron.com.
8. If you have any e-mails that relate in any way to Enron's public
statements regarding EBS, Azurix, New Power Co. or any e-mail regarding
financial transactions involving these matters, including accounting issues
related to these matters, please forward the e-mails to
9. If you have any e-mails that relate in any way to Enron's public
statements regarding the proposed Dynegy merger or any e-mail regarding
financial transactions involving these matters, including accounting issues
related to these matters, please forward the e-mails to dynegy.merger@enron.com.
10. If you have any e-mails that relate in any way to Enron's public

statements regarding the Enron Corp. Savings Plan or any e-mail regarding
financial transactions involving these matters, including accounting issues
related to these matters, please forward the e-mails to
"LJM Deal" includes LJM Cayman L.P., LJM Co-Investment L.P., TNPC1, Margaux1,
Cortez (TNPC), Osprey1, Avici, Catalytica, Fishtail (Pulp & Paper), Backbone,
ENA CLO (Merlin), Nowa Sarzyna (Poland), Bob West, MEGS, Yosemite, EECC
Turbines (Blue Dog), Raptor 1, Raptor 1a, Raptor 2, Raptor 2a, Raptor 3, Raptor
4, Rawhide, LJM2/WW Loan Agrmt, Osprey 2 LLC1, Rythms, Osprey, Cuiaba, and LJM
Cayco Investments.

Also, please forward all future e-mails and voice mails that relate to the
above-referenced subjects to the appropriate e-mail address or voice mail box.
These procedures will ensure that our electronic documents and voice mails are
properly preserved.
Shortly, our lawyers will be collecting our traditional files, i.e., written
documents, for possible production in litigation. Until further notice, please
retain all of your hard-copy files now in your possession or that come into
your possession that in any way relate to:
1. The LJM Deal
2. Azurix
3. New Power Co.
4. EBS
5. Chewco Investments L.P.
6. Accounting for any Enron investments
7. Any Enron public statement made to the investment public
8. Any Enron public filing with the SEC or other regulatory bodies
9. The proposed merger with Dynegy
10. The Enron Corp. Savings Plan. It is not necessary to send documents
related to your personal participation in the Plan such as Plan communications
to you regarding the status of your account.
Please err on the side of retention of documents.

If you have any questions, please call Andrew Edison at x5-7105.
Here's somebody's personal newsletter (the "Burrito"), found in a search for Bush.
From:Gary Ackerman (foothill @lmi.net) on behalf of Gary Ackerman foothill sent:friday, december 15, 2000 2:22 am
to:webmaster charlotte subject:wptf friday my mama done tol' me burrito
the friday burrito
to succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles this is the last burrito for the year 2000. i, like you, need some time off, although i doubt that will happen. just take a quick look at the events of the last three weeks. can you believe what we have been through? from ferc orders, to emergency filings, to suspended, and then rate stabilization filings, data subpoenas, credit crunch, and don't forget some wickedly high price spikes. i have been unhappy with the public image our industry portrays. i feel there needs to be a stronger, more effective group public relations media blitz that has yet to materialize. i asked journalist with whom i have had several interviews, when you write a column, who is your audience? she said she writes as if she was explaining the matter to her mother. it's an old journalist's trick. amazed at the answer, i decided to call my mother, and ask her what she thought about the whole electric situation. after all, she qualifies as a typical fixed-income california resident living in a retirement community in laguna hills. mom, i asked, what do you make of the whole situation? oh, i am disgusted, she chirped, with that supreme court ruling. that's no democracy. no, not that situation, mom, i said to calm her down, but the electricity restructuring thing. well, she sighed, everyone is worried about their electric bills. how much are they going up? and, why haven't you called me more often? i could have died, and my children would be the last to know? every tag line has a message. so there it is. if you want a simple view that people understand, then there it is. people are worried about their electric bill. the reasons for the increase are of less concern, than how much their bills may go up. all the blather about forward contracts, alleged gouging, stage 3 emergencies, governance, jurisdiction, and ferc orders is not the minds of ordinary california citizens. they want to know how much more they are going to have to pay. and they are worried. focus, then, how we, as an industry, will help. we want to hold down consumer electric bills in three different ways: by adding new generation, by giving people more choice as to their energy provider, and by assuring there is always a provider of last resort to keep the lights from these three simple principles, all else flows. give me some feedback, and let's see if we can simply the message even more. less is more. this week's holiday grab bag should be big enough to feed any appetite.

things in the people's republic of california
@@@ fellow travelers the peace train
@@@sce's bryson rattles the restructuring cage
@@@ rate relief reviewed, again things ferc and federal @@@ secretary richardson serves smashed salmon pate @@@ wptf supports px emergency filing 1 mailbag odds and ends (_!_)
@@@ wptf general meeting set for february 8 and 9 in scottsdale, az.
@@@ have a smile
@@@ the toughest interview ever=Things in the people's republic of california

@@@ fellow travelers the peace train i want you folks throughout the western region to know that you have a protector. someone is watching out for your interests, and concerns. his name, amigos, is senator steve peace. our herr peace wrote to ferc commissioner hoecker december 11 a letter that is suitable for plastic covered place mats at your dining table, you can guess why. he heard about the $5,000/mwh prices quoted for mid-c monday. he wrote: today, the la time reported that kaiser aluminum corp., the second-largest us aluminum maker, said it will shut its smelter in mead, wash., for about 10 months and lay off about 400 employees. kaiser said it had resold the electricity it was to received this month from the bpa, netting proceeds of $52 million, or nearly nine times the $5.9 million that the company has earned so far this year. i read this passage to the wptf board at our meeting in phoenix. kent wheatland said, that's the finest example of demand response i have ever heard. indeed, kent hit the nail the head. why is the peace-meister decrying the very thing that we have been begging for? the so-called inelastic demand curve for electricity just got less steep. but, never mind that, read the next paragraph of peace's letter. it is that neither the prospect of post-october refunds ordered under section 206 … will be adequate to discipline marketers' behavior. marketers know full well that ferc simply doesn't have the resources to police this wholesale market and that the odds are that they can act with impunity. moreover, they know they have a fellow traveler in your colleague commissioner hebert who sees the prospect of the lights going out in california as a vindication of his positions price caps rather than as the public disaster such an event would be.fellow traveler!?! i didn't know they let commies the ferc. all aboard the peace train. i explained to the wptf board that every passenger the peace train would receive a complimentary fellow-traveler luggage set with matching red-herring leather. in the luggage will be free gifts, essential for any fellow traveler such as a price cap with earflaps, nose guard, and blinders to cover the eyes. the hear no evil, smell no evil, see no evil price cap is excellent for california regulators who repeatedly request these odious price caps as the blunt instrument of choice. caps come in a choice of hard metal, or soft wool. another item in the fellow traveler goodie bag will be peace's latest best selling book, how to win friends and influence policy makers, devil press, 348 pgs. along with the book and the cap, fellow travelers will find trading beads suitable for exchange with natives of the pacific northwest. give these beads to power marketers as wampum for power imports into california. what fun, and they won't know the difference. the full faith and credit of the iso control room college-bowl football pool back bead trading values. this year's pot is at an all-time high of $36. finally, the other freebee items in the travel kit include a signed copy of adam smith's communist manifesto, a water-proof electric razor (i'm especially keen for that), and the ab1890 restructuring map showing by color code the jurisdictional boundaries of the different regulatory agencies. yellow is reserved for the state of california, and it covers the entire lower 48, the province of british columbia, and cleveland, ohio. things in the people's republic of california

@@@ sce's bryson rattles the restructuring cage 2 not to be outdone by herr peace, sce (sufferin' chutzpah edison) issued a press release by its ceo, john bryson, calling for dramatic reform of the california electricity market. i know this will shock you, but, now that sce has recovered most, but not all, of its stranded costs, they want to reverse the engine of progress, and re-regulate california's electric system. guess how? by allowing utilities to again be charged with the responsibility to plan for, acquire and assure sufficient power to meet the state's needs without the threat of interruption. by charging cost-based rates. by protecting customers. hallelujah. let's talk about a few things, here. first, let's discuss the credit issue that is plaguing the pacific northwest power producers who are increasingly unwilling to sell supplemental energy into california. the last i checked, most pnw producers paid their counterparties a 30-day basis, but receive the cash from iso about 100 days after the trade day. the pnw producers must cover their owed position by borrowing funds, and at the prices posted in the last two weeks, the credit limit has been reached. where is the security for the payment? it lies not with the iso, but with the utilities who are the major customers. therefore, if the utilities undercollect because frozen rates are below wholesale prices, then the utilities accumulate a debt. if the debt continues unabated, then the credit rating companies downgrade the udc ratings. that has occurred several times in the last few months. if the utilities claim bankruptcy, or refuse to pay the px, then the px can't pay the iso, the iso can't pay the sellers, and the pnw sellers are kaput. this is my long-winded way of saying that two entities still hold all the cards, at least for now, in the region: sce, and me-too pg&e. they have the leverage to bring the whole system to its knees. hark, recall that wptf has continually called for a breakup of the udcs' default customer base for this very reason. we argued that two dominant buyers could extract monopsony rents from sellers. and here it is, big time. what does bryson have to lose by rattling the cage? nothing. in fact, it is so delicious to watch, for the umpteenth time, sce exercise brute force when they have an advantage. you must respect that. the golden rule aptly applies. those who have the gold, make the rules. another aspect of bryson's gambit is that he is playing a trump card his buddy, the governor, who as of last week, through the puc, suspended the requests of edison and pg&e for rate increases starting next january. davis has painted himself into a corner, and is no match for the cunning of the sufferin' chutzpah gang. i predicted that davis would stumble and fall electricity matters. i didn't expect it to happen so soon. do you think the public will buy bryson's argument? to tell you the truth, i'm not sure. things in the people's republic of california

@@@ rate relief reviewed, again well, in a complete reversal, the cpuc put back the docket list the rate stabilization plans for pg&e and edison. last week, president lynch suspended both companies' applications, denying them the right to raise rates subject to refund. now, this week, lynch allowed for the rate stabilization applications to be re-opened, and duly considered. next tuesday i will be the local san francisco station, kqed (88.5 fm) to debate the merits of electric competition with the likes of lynch, and turn's netie hogue. i did this last september the same call-in show that begins at 9 a.m.. i didn't know it was a call-in show until the callers started firing crazy questions at the panelists. if you are in the area, then listen in, and better yet, call in. ask ms. lynch a few questions, will you? i listened to a taped interview ms. lynch did another local station, kcbs 3 that aired last sunday. here are some of her more memorable quotes: there is plenty of power in california. there is no shortage. it is just not being managed properly a day to day basis. there are power plants that should be available right now, but are not running. the state of california has 41,000 mw of power available at any hour. plant unavailability is an artificial issue. there is plenty [of power] if they [power plants] run. the puc is trying to figure out what is wrong. the plant owners give the iso explanations such as 'boiler', or 'fire'. we are sending our inspection team in to better understand the problems. i won't speculate [as to price manipulation] but last summer we saw very suspicious bids and offers. more power plants have been approved during the first two years of the davis administration than in all the years of the wilson administration. this week the state stepped in to save the system by turning off lights and computers. the iso is governed by a board made up of individuals from the utilities and the power sellers. there is consumer representative, and environmental representative. the san diego economy couldn't stand the price volatility of last summer. the [former governor pete] wilson administration created the wholesale power market. the market design of the px is counterintuitive. it takes the highest price bid and pays it to everyone. so if you offer $50/mwh for a 100 mw, and another person offers $100 for a 100 mw, then both parties get $100. things ferc and federal

@@@ secretary richardson serves smashed salmon pate mr. richardson is the u.s. secretary of energy. most people don't know him, nor have ever heard of him. last wednesday, with four weeks left in his job, he decided to take a bold step. he did something. richardson invoked a rarely used authority in the federal power act to require out-of-state generators and marketers to sell into california upon demand. the section of the statute cited had not been invoked since world war ii. if it was good enough then, then it is good enough now. richardson also ordered bpa and wapa to ship as much power to california as possible. in a way, the order worked. because of credit issues, out-of-state parties have been loath to violate their credit policies just to sell to california. hence, the imports into california became scarce, and the iso was teetering another stage 3 alert yesterday morning. because of the order, bpa started drafting from its hydro reserves, somewhere in the neighborhood of 1500 mw, and powerex delivered another 400 mw. from where did this power emanate? clearly, in the case of bpa, they are selling to california at the risk of being unable to meet their own requirements later this year and next. no rain and cold weather could put bpa in a world of hurt. further, the increased hydro spill may effect salmon. i sent by e-mail to mr. richardson that included some wonderful recipes for the damaged salmon. i mean, what do you do with tons of smashed salmon that you 4 would otherwise love to eat. pates, soufflés, patties, chilled, ground winter run, smashed spring run primavera, roasted, mashed fall run. you name it. we can whip up a mess of smashed salmon for just about any occasion. and, the added benefit is that california gets to continue the holiday season festively, with lights without interruption. i was reminded of a letter written to the burrito last year. it was a phony announcement that, in retrospect, wasn't far off. do you remember it? exclusive: christmas lights cause crisis due to increased evening ramps caused by heavy christmas light loads, the california independent system operator (iso) will begin running a series of public service announcements (psas) this week designed to lessen electricity reliability concerns. because homeowners tend to turn their christmas lights at dusk, there is a surge of electricity demand that can create havoc the balancing act between generators and users of power. the ads will request that homes with odd numbered addresses turn their holiday lights between 5:00-5:30 pm and even numbered homes between 5:30-6:00 pm. according to kellan flukiger, iso vice president of operations, the rationing is required to avert an electricity crisis: we're seeing extreme ramps that are causing demands the grid, we'll use this voluntary process for now to try and manage the problem. the author has learned, however, that the iso intends to turn to a more direct approach to control the problem after december 15th. tariff amendment 73g, a little known document that to date has been internal to the california iso, could have a major impact the holiday plans of californians. the memo calls for some combination of a two-pronged attack to keep californians from all turning their christmas lights at the same time. the biggest question, outside of the deliveries of bpa and powerex, is what price is being paid for the power ordered by the california iso. the order states that power will be sold to the iso at a level that would ensure generators receive a fair return. what's that? i know that some of the northwest power producers are sleeving their sales through credit-worthy third parties. but, other than that, i am not sure of the details. things ferc and federal

@@@ wptf supports px emergency filing the power exchange filed an emergency motion monday to keep alive its energy markets in light of the emergency changes made by the iso the previous friday. the px requested an emergency order from ferc removing the hard cap adjustment bids and replacing it with an energy price equivalent that allows forward buyers and sellers to transact ahead of the iso real-time market. currently, the iso hard caps the adjustment bids at $250/mwh, which becomes the zonal price if congestion is present. the mix of hard and soft caps pushes more people into the real-time market, and wipes out much of the supply that would otherwise show up in the forward markets. the wptf board filed comments with ferc wednesday supporting the px's motion. the iso filed against the px motion, and the iso offered a plan of their own. copies of our filing can be found, along with all our other ferc and puc filings our web page. if you don't have a password for our website (wptf.org), then e-mail charlotte@wptf.org and request such. she will be glad to assist you. mailbag i received so many great e-mails, that i don't know where to begin. it's like opening presents. julie blunden of greenmountain energy wrote to me in response to the old boys club inherent in the utility industry. she said, gary, not is power no 5 longer a boys' club, but as i continue to meet all of our new folks in austin, i think it's hysterical that i meet so many of them in the women's' room. what a difference 15 years makes. we're all reading the burrito voraciously these days - these are historic, and painful times. julie, i would like to meet as you do some of your colleagues in austin. julie's fellow traveler (careful), rich counihan, also wrote to me. he said, i think your point, and commissioner hebert's the importance of p.r. is crucial. as a result, the energy retailers have changed their name from alliance for retail markets (arm) to competitive retail energy for consumers (crec) and hired a p.r. firm in sacramento to help get the message of consumer choice out there. our best wishes to crec, rick. we need your success. also writing to me regarding the importance of pr was tom allen, vp of external affairs at southern energy. tom wrote, gary: i am new to this issue as an employee in external affairs, southern energy- west region. i am in transition to california, and have been the job about 2-3 weeks. i could not agree with you more regarding where this battle will be won or lost. generators cannot and will not be able to separate themselves from the consumer pain that was felt in san diego this past summer. consumers elect the gov et al and their pulse will dictate final direction in the political arena. while we all prepare for the legislative and regulatory battles, let's not forget that the idea here was to provide consumer value over time. i think a blanket attack consumer messaging is very possible. the key will be how coalitions (formal or informal) decide to come together to fund such an initiative. being a transplant to the issue and somewhat of an outsider, here are some messages that must articulated clearly with some sort of definitive documentation (beyond our opinion.... meaning we need to pay for it somewhere) : 1 - the value of competition to the consumer. why go forward? what's in it for me? 2 - the true effects / cost (negative value) for going back to cost-based approach. let's live in lifelong subsidy. 3 - the issue is bigger than energy. the investment world is watching. is california a good place for business to do business? i agree with the p/r blitz. i think there needs to be back-up when challenged. what california institution could provide such in a very short time frame? thank you, tom, for sharing your thoughts, and welcome to the club. finally, from new gm at the city of anaheim and formerly of ladwp, marcie edwards wrote, gary well, monday is my last day at la. i have learned a lot from the burritos we'll see if the company can learn to appreciate its rather piquant flavor without me here to say, hey, it tastes just like chicken! best of luck to you, marcie. thank god almighty, you are free at last, free at last. odds and ends (_!_)

@@@ wptf general meeting set for february 8 and 9 in scottsdale, az. it is not too soon to start planning for our february event. the next wptf general meeting will be held february 8 and 9 at the marriott resort in old town scottsdale, arizona. their phone number is 1-800-835-6205 or 480-945-1550. we have blocked 26 rooms for february 8, and the price is $229.00 per suite. all these rooms are a first-come basis and seeing that the area is so 6 popular at this time of year, we cannot secure any more rooms at this location. the hotel wants all reservations made or before january 9, 2001. please remember this area is extremely hard to locate space at this time of year for a reasonable rate. air transportation into phoenix is available from all major airlines and the hotel is located 15 minutes from the sky harbor international airport. transportation costs $10. -$20., utilizing supershuttle or taxis. thursday, february 8, wptf members will congregate for a members-only meeting. that will begin at 3:30 p.m. and conclude at 5:00 p.m. a no-host dinner reception ($45/person) will be held from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. reservation for the dinner must be made with our event coordinator, barb ennis, at e-mail address baennis@earthlink.net. friday, our general meeting will begin at 9:00 a.m. and end at noon. our guests speakers will include john underhill of salt river project who will brief us desert star and aisa matters scott miller of ferc who co-lead the ferc study california’s power markets, and kennedy school lecturer philip sharp (invited) who will discuss likely national energy policies. lunch will be provided by wptf odds and ends (_!_)

@@@ have a smile in olden times, it could be decades before major events were cast in verse. but the great 2000 election controversy is so big that a bunch of all-star poets have come out of retirement to quickly set the story to rhyme. for starters, history buff henry wadsworth longfellow: listen, my children, don't dare ignore, the midnight actions of bush and gore in early november, the year ought-ought, hard to believe the mess they wrought. two billion bucks of campaign bounty all came down to palm beach county. what result could have been horrider than the situation we found in florider? edgar allen poe is his usual gloomy self: upon a campaign dreary, which left us weak and weary o'er many a quaint and curious promise of political lore while we nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a yapping, as of some votes overlapping, energy-zapping to the core 'tis a mess here, we all muttered, as the network anchors stuttered, stuttered over bush and gore. could there be another election with such a case of misdirection, with such a weak selection, yet fraught with tension to the core? quoth the ravers, nevermore. britain's edward lear's limerick is lighter: there was a u.s. election that called for some expert detection - how thousands of pollers could become two-holers like outhouses of recollection. 7 ditto ogden nash: i regret to admit that all my knowledge is what i learned at electoral colleges, so tell me please, though! i hate to troubya, will the winner be al, or will it be dubya? joyce kilmer's a media analyst: i thought that i would never see the networks all so up a tree. walt whitman is lyrical, as always: oh captain! my captain! our fearful trip's not done the ship has weather'd every rock, but nobody knows who's won. alfred noyes rhythmically rumbles: and still of an autumn night they say, with the white house the line, when the campaign's a ghostly galleon and both candidates cry, 'tis mine! when the road is a ribbon of ballots, all within easy reach, a highwayman comes riding, riding, riding, a highwayman comes riding, and punches two holes in each. dr. seuss takes a look at election officials: i cannot count them in a box i cannot count them with a fox i cannot count them by computer i will not with a roto-rooter i cannot count them card-by-card i will not 'cause it's way too hard i cannot count them my fingers i will not while suspicion lingers. i'll leave the country in a jam - i can't count ballots, sam-i-am. clement moore adopts a holiday theme: 'twas the month before christmas, when all through the courts, all the plaintiffs made stirring bad ballot reports. which leaves the problem: perhaps the best way to stop complaints raucous is to start over again, with the iowa caucuses. odds and ends (_!_)

@@@ the toughest interview ever the nights i drive my son to hockey practice, especially in winter, are silent. it's dark, the weather is cold, and we each drift into our own thoughts. he listens to the rock station of his choice the way to practice. i get my choice of station, usually jazz or classical, the way home. we both have agreed to set the volume in either travel direction at a tolerable level, four ticks the analogue scale. last night the silence was suddenly broken. 8 okay, he said as we started the thirty-minute ride to his practice, this is boring. we're going to have a conversation. what do you want to talk about, i asked somewhat startled? he said he would ask me some questions. gary, he asked, always addressing me in the familiar, what was your favorite thing to do when you were a kid. i was struck dumb. i didn't know how to answer the question because i was afraid that whatever i selected, he would say, boring. so, i drifted a bit in my answer. i was very tentative. i started with my high school years, and what i liked, and who i hung around with. i then spoke about younger days when i was my son's age, 13, and then continued into my elementary school experiences. he listened to every word, and asked more questions. what were my brothers like, which of my brothers was i close to, why did i look forward to going to high school, what instrument did i play in the band, and and we didn't stop until we reached the ice rink. i had butterflies in my stomach. picture this. i have suddenly found my professional life awash with newspaper interviews, tv interviews, microphones stuck in my face, and audiences asking me dozens of tough questions. the more of that i do, the more comfortable it becomes. compare that with my fear of answering these simple questions posed to me by my son about my life. would i be judged harshly? would my answers disappoint him? every dad wants to be a superstar to his son. i guess i passed, and i am thankful for the experience. i'll probably treasure that conversation for a lifetime, not knowing why. when you think about, i received the most precious gift a son can give a father. well, that note, i will wish each and every of you a happy holiday season, whether you celebrate chanukah or christmas, or both, as we do. it has been a privilege to write these burritos for you. i cherish your kind comments to me about our weekly get togethers. i look forward to serving you next year in good health, and with less stress. i'm looking for a quite time, maybe in april or may, when we can look back at the last few weeks, and wonder how did we ever get through it all? have a great holiday. gba /small>
posted by me3dia at 10:06 AM on October 6, 2003

posted by me3dia at 10:07 AM on October 6, 2003

That's a question that's been bugging me-- if I was an energy corp executive, why would I want to invite Arnold Schwarzenegger to a meeting of California "principles"?

WTF does (pre-recall) Arnold have to do with California energy policy?

Unless, of course, the recall (and his candidacy) was being planned even then...
posted by Cerebus at 10:07 AM on October 6, 2003

"...and evil mother-in-laws."

Mothers-in-law, perhaps?

Could I get a ruling here, languagehat?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:13 AM on October 6, 2003

what about lorenzos on yokohama tires?
what about when people say "take that chain off boy, you're blinding me"?
what about the 40 billion candle light atop the Luxor?
what about drink till we throw up?
what about candy coated helicoptors with leather covers?
what about private planes with 30 inch lorenzos?

that's like the most beautiful found poem i've read in ages.
posted by twitch at 10:20 AM on October 6, 2003

Yeah, replace "what about" with "who blew up the" and it'd be even better.
posted by kindall at 10:24 AM on October 6, 2003

So no results for Schwarzenegger searches?
posted by mathowie at 10:33 AM on October 6, 2003

1 - Grill Slugged Up (Lowest Level of Bling)
2 - Pinkie Ring Platinum Plus
3 - Ear Rings Trillian Cut
4 - Medallion Iced Up
5 - Rolex Bezeled Up (Highest Level of Bling)
P.S. You're all Jackseyes.

we're they embezzeling money to fund an internal poetry contest?
posted by destro at 10:46 AM on October 6, 2003

(Am I still the only one who managed to get into the database?)

I found only 16 results in a search for "Schwarzenegger," almost all mentions in "Enron in the news" round-ups. A sample:
"I'm not getting into that," said Margita Thompson, a Riordan spokeswoman. "What I'm talking to you about is Gray Davis."

Like the governor, Riordan conferred privately with Lay during the height of last year's electricity crisis. The mayor's meeting took place in Beverly Hills. Lay presented Riordan, financier Michael Milken, actor Arnold
and other luminaries with a four-page plan calling for greater deregulation as a way of solving the state's energy shortage.

On Wednesday, Thompson suggested that Davis' talks with Lay were more significant. "Gray Davis is the one who has a Enron direct impact on the future of California's energy crisis," she said. "We don't know what got for its investment in
Gray Davis."
There was one reference to a "Schwarzenneger virus" (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back) and a quote attributed to him ("I saw a large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'") in a couple forwards.

I haven't tried any variations on Schwarzenegger, so there's a good chance there's something else, but a cursory search turned up no emails directly about him.

I'd suggest trying to get into the database tomorrow -- searches are taking so long, it's almost not worth doing them right now. I'm logging out of the system.
posted by me3dia at 11:52 AM on October 6, 2003

This one was pretty good... Nice reason #3

From: Yoder, Christian
To: DL-Portland World Trade Center

Sent: Tue Dec 18 19:12:23 2001
Subject: Lunch on Thursday

Friends and Co-Workers:

You are hereby cordially invited to a pre-holiday office lunch this Thursday at approximately 11:30 a.m, courtesy of the Trading Attorneys.

LEGAL NOTICE: Christian Yoder and Steve Hall (hereinafter "we" or "our" or "us" ) intend to pay for the food (which will probably, but not necessarily, be pizza and salad) with post-petition Chapter 11 salary dollars that have already cleared our respective individual bank accounts and, therefore, by joining us in the meal ("Lunch") you will not be exposed to any retroactive claw-back risk by way of the Cash Account Committee. We are also investigating the possibility of providing a limited quantity of a certain kind of beverage ("Beer") under a provisional waiver of the defunct pre-petition Company's drinking policies, subject to approval by the Estate's Liquor Control Board which is being sought on an expedited basis.

We feel like making this modest holiday gesture for several reasons:

1. It has been a pleasure working with you all during the past year.
2. We are optimistic about this office's prospects in the upcoming year.
3. American Express forgot to cancel our Corporate Cards.

We hope you will join us for a free lunch as we look forward to a prosperous New Year.

Christian and Steve

posted by djspicerack at 12:33 PM on October 6, 2003

"WTF does (pre-recall) Arnold have to do with California energy policy? Unless, of course, the recall (and his candidacy) was being planned even then..."

The recall started less than three weeks after Gray Davis was re-elected. It's likely that it was planned well before that. Even before he was elected, Schwarzenegger was an influential California Republican, and probably got his phone calls answered in Washington, D.C.

You have to keep in mind that Lay was not just about trying to sell local Californians on his ideas so that they could take action in Sacramento, but also to encourage them to influence events in Washington, D.C.

About a month after his meeting in California with Schwarzenegger, Enron's plan for dealing with the California energy crisis was more or less adopted verbatim by the Bush administration.
posted by insomnia_lj at 12:43 PM on October 6, 2003

Could I get a ruling here, languagehat?

"Mothers-in-law" it is. *bangs gavel*
Next case!
posted by languagehat at 2:37 PM on October 6, 2003

Anybody try a search for 'Metafilter' yet?
posted by milov at 4:04 PM on October 6, 2003

In case anyone else is too ignorant to know what lorenzos are... (the reference is to this song)
posted by Zurishaddai at 4:21 PM on October 6, 2003

From: John Maliszewski @ENRON
Sent:Thursday, January 17, 2002 10:01 AM
To:Tholt, Jane M.
Subject:Re: stock
$12.87 per share. Good buy
Jane.M.Tholt@enron.com wrote:
> what is your stock selling for

Oooh, I hope Jane didn't take that advice...she'd have lost 25% within 2 weeks....50% within 12 weeks, 90% within 16 weeks and still would only have made up about 60% of it today.

posted by m@ at 7:57 PM on October 6, 2003

« Older Drawing is the honesty of the art. -- DALI   |   Supremes Reject Baby Death Conviction Appeal Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments