How could we have forgotten?
February 17, 2005 7:49 PM   Subscribe

Happy belated birthday, Kim Jong Il.
posted by kickingtheground (24 comments total)
Happy Birthday Kim! I hope you are consigned to perpetual ever-renewing agony.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 8:04 PM on February 17, 2005

and roneriness.
posted by keswick at 8:14 PM on February 17, 2005

On preview, keswick beat me to the joke. Dammit.
posted by S.C. at 8:15 PM on February 17, 2005

Death to America!

Love you, man.
posted by Kleptophoria! at 8:26 PM on February 17, 2005

I hope he got my card.
posted by yhbc at 8:27 PM on February 17, 2005

Balloons for everyone!
posted by DrJohnEvans at 8:35 PM on February 17, 2005

Hm... Shares a birthday with Christopher Eccleston, LeVar (Kunta Kinte/Geordie LaForge) Burton, Ice-T, John McEnroe, and the Greatest American Hero, William Katt. That explains, well.. nothing at all, in fact.
posted by psmealey at 8:57 PM on February 17, 2005

I sent him a Carvel Fudgie the Whale with "For my favorite bugfuck dictator" printed in Kool Whip.
posted by dhoyt at 9:00 PM on February 17, 2005

[this is good]

Great find. Harper's periodically has some laundry list of things the KCNA makes up about KJI, and they're always hilarious until you remember he's a complete sociopath with lots of weapons.
posted by mkultra at 9:02 PM on February 17, 2005

Hah, headed for the ninth circle of Hell he is. Birthday in ice it be.
posted by caddis at 9:05 PM on February 17, 2005

Commrade Bless You, dhoyt.
posted by moonbird at 9:20 PM on February 17, 2005

"Letter to Kim Jong Il from Former Unconverted Long-term Prisoners"

Haters. He came from a broken home.
posted by bardic at 9:25 PM on February 17, 2005

Dear Leader, we know and acknowledge your ultimate sexual prowess. These Western devils fool themselves with pitiful jokes but true humans understand the great march on which you take us.
posted by billsaysthis at 9:27 PM on February 17, 2005

It is worth remembering that, while we may view Kim mostly as a political leader, he's man of many talents: "the greatest composer of operas, the greatest engineer and, despite having played the game only once, the greatest golfer of all time."
posted by kickingtheground at 9:35 PM on February 17, 2005

I figured he would be an Aquarius.
posted by Arch Stanton at 9:44 PM on February 17, 2005

Wikipedia apparently isn't allowed to call Kim a dictator, so I added a passage saying "He was elected using a system whereby he was the only candidate for the role of leader." I hope that clears things up.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 9:54 PM on February 17, 2005

Highest glory to you,
Highest glory TO YOU,
Highest GLORY to the great leader Comrade Kim Jong I-Illllll,
Highest glory to you!

*sigh* miss you, Marilyn
posted by zerokey at 12:07 AM on February 18, 2005

You've gotta love KCNA, where else do you find stuff like this , this, or this. How else would I know that songs like "We'll Uphold Our General Forever" were being whistled by dreamy South Koreans yearning for the heavenly lifestyle just a couple hours to the north?

PS - I'd love to find the story I read a number of years ago there about American bombers dropping diseased insects on the Friendly Democratic Peoples Enormously Wealthy Republic of Korea.
posted by trinarian at 1:51 AM on February 18, 2005

North Korea’s Latest Deadly Weapon
Demanding talks with the United States, Kim Jong Il says he possesses an unreleased Ben Affleck film
posted by thomcatspike at 8:20 AM on February 18, 2005

May it be his last.
posted by gwint at 8:40 AM on February 18, 2005

Kim is KING of his domain there in Pyongyang!!!!!!

I hope somebody sent him a box of domes for his birthday.
posted by nyterrant at 8:53 AM on February 18, 2005

The Atlantic Monthly, in the Jan. 2004 magazine, ran an article about Dear Leader's former chef titled, "I Was Kim Jong Il's Cook". If you can get it, it is a fascinating read. I've pasted an excerpt from the article. Also, check out

Well known in Japan from TV and tabloid coverage, Kim Jong Il's "Entourage of Delight" is just that—a group of entertainers devoted to providing Kim Jong Il with delight and gaiety.

The women of this entourage were frequently summoned to the "Number 8 Banquet Hall" in Pyongyang to perform elegant dances. The stage of this hall was equipped with an elaborate lighting system that included footlights on the sides and even a disco mirror ball hanging from the middle of the ceiling with strobe lights. The floor was also decked out with lights that flashed from below, and floor-to-ceiling speakers pounded out music.

During a banquet one night a group of five dancers in the entertainment entourage were performing a disco dance. Suddenly Kim Jong Il ordered, "Take off your clothes!" The girls took off their clothes, but then Kim told them to take it all off. They seemed surprised and could not hide their bewilderment, but they could not object to their Dear Leader's orders. In awkward embarrassment they stripped down and continued their performance in the nude.

After a while he turned to his cabinet staff members and instructed them, "You guys dance with them too." And soon enough I, too, was ordered to dance. However, he cautioned us, "You'll dance, but you won't touch. If you touch, you're thieves." In other words, I think Kim Jong Il felt these girls were like his own daughters.

posted by theknacker at 8:56 AM on February 18, 2005

posted by leotrotsky at 9:32 AM on February 18, 2005

From last years off the wall radio program on 2/17

a mp3 of the broadcast

Fast forward until about 35 mins
posted by Urgo at 8:14 PM on February 18, 2005

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