What, exactly, is a poltroon?
June 9, 2005 10:18 AM   Subscribe

via quartertothree.com
posted by iron chef morimoto at 10:21 AM on June 9, 2005

Goddamn you motherfuckers, delete this mefi post before I kill your asses to death!

Ah, just kiddin'!
posted by Elpoca at 10:26 AM on June 9, 2005

not via cruel.com?
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:30 AM on June 9, 2005

Well, ultimately it's via lonelyplanet.com. I didn't exactly track the journey it took through the snarkosphere.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 10:41 AM on June 9, 2005

I haven't followed the link yet, but...

AAAAUGH! There is absolutely never any need for TinyURLs on MeFi! What is the point?

And for what it's worth, #24480, I've met Masaharu Morimoto. You, sir, are no Masaharu Morimoto.

(If you are, please accept my humblest apologies, and make me that black codfish with miso glaze and foie gras again. I still dream about it sometimes.)
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:42 AM on June 9, 2005

I was finding his inanities amusing until the 9/11 thing. What a nut job.
posted by Specklet at 10:56 AM on June 9, 2005

But Faint of Butt, the real link might be too long to show up fully in the status bar when you hover your mouse over the linked text! This way is much better.

That said, this cyclotouriste fellow is nuts.
posted by kenko at 10:57 AM on June 9, 2005

Anyone notice he lied about his age? Actually, he lied about a lot of things, like the fact that he's easy to get along with. The anger this guy harbors is scary - I'd hate to be sharing the same road as him!
posted by WaterSprite at 10:59 AM on June 9, 2005

Now there's a forum for sound psychiatric advice.
posted by peacay at 10:59 AM on June 9, 2005

That was funny, :o)

I would like to meet people like cyclotouriste.

One observation, though, if you aren't able to include 9/11 in your insane rants, then you aren't up to speed yet, since it's the biggest insane feature of our modern world.
posted by nervousfritz at 11:00 AM on June 9, 2005

Fuck you you goddamn poltroon, yellow bellied son of a whore. That's how I'm going to start my mefi postings from now on.

His first post seemed rather reasonable... it makes you wonder whether we give the benefit of the doubt to too many people who cross our paths. Beneath the surface, the madness seethes.
posted by mert at 11:03 AM on June 9, 2005

yeah, don't post tinyurls to the front page. ever.
posted by puke & cry at 11:06 AM on June 9, 2005

TinyURL's should never, ever, ever be used.

I love people who are right in hindsight. Its like someone who habitually skips flights because they have a premonition and then, one time, they come close to being right and they presume it validates all of the times they were wrong.
posted by fenriq at 11:09 AM on June 9, 2005

I got at least $2.50 towards getting this guy a mefi account, anyone wanna chip in?

From his batshitto postings on the mondopolitico board, this in the middle of pages and pages of his transcripts about his warnings about 9-11:

I just had a dinner of broiled chicken, salad, mashed potatoes, bread, punch, with pumpkin pie and layer cake for desert. Okay now, where was I?

There is no way to fake the crazy like that. Poor bastard.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:16 AM on June 9, 2005

Iron Chef Morimoto was on IC:America last night against that Donna guy from Italy. What an asskicking that was. Donna only had 2 dishes. And it was an Italien cook who had to *stretch* to cook scallops! Sheesh.
posted by dios at 11:17 AM on June 9, 2005

For those of you as stupid as I am ( I know, I know...might not be anyone...) poltroon = French poltron, from Old Italian poltrone, coward, idler

that was the fastest meltdown I've ever seen.... someone invite this guy to mefi..... We could lay off two of three of the half-assed poltroons we've already got!
posted by HuronBob at 11:17 AM on June 9, 2005

whether we give the benefit of the doubt to too many people

I don't think so. An atmosphere in which we give plenty of benefit of the doubt is very congenial and lends itself to the support of the tenet, innocent until proven guilty. It doesn't cost anything at all, to give this benefit of the doubt, and at the same time it contributes to respect, compassion, and in the end, produces an environment with less people being angry, disenfranchised, and lashing out.

Cyclotouriste is just French, I think, and what you perceive as insanity is simply his expression of a deep, moral outrage at the lack of ability of those around him to percieve his true genius, stature, and sensibility. It's their fault he had to rant. Anglo saxon imbeciles.
posted by nervousfritz at 11:19 AM on June 9, 2005

Faint of Butt:

You wanna know who I am? I'm cyclotouriste. And I try to move my listing over here, maybe find some people who wil actually READ IT and take it seriously but then there's just chickenshits like you.

I have written the moderator and ask him to delete all your posts, remove you membership, and then scrub you from the archives. You are a no good bastards rat and I hope you burn.


FUCK YOU 9-11 Sic Semper Tyrannis.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 11:20 AM on June 9, 2005

also, oops about the tinurl. It redirects to the lonely planet thread, and I pasted in the wrong shortcut.

posted by iron chef morimoto at 11:22 AM on June 9, 2005

My favorite response:


Dear cyclotouriste,

I am female, healthy, cyclist, with a sense of bold adventure, and the willingness to be compatable on an extended world tour with you.

I am also easy to get along with, most of the time. My therapist says that still have to work on my social skills, but I am getting there.

I hope it will be o.k. if we take my 10 cats along, as they become very depressed when mommy is away.

The doctor does not want me to stop taking the lithium, but it makes me very tired and I'll need energy for all that cycling.

I can't say for sure yet if I can commit to the bike tour, because I have to get permission from my probation officer. He can be a little unreasonable at times; he insists that I must continue going to the anger management classes. I already TOLD that son of a whore I DON’T NEED NO GODDAMN ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES.

O.K. I hope to meet you. Please don't wear yellow, I really hate yellow. The bad voices sound yellow.

posted by alumshubby at 11:25 AM on June 9, 2005

it is a short hop from "Cyclotouriste" to "Psychoterrorist"
that's all I've got to say...
posted by HuronBob at 11:25 AM on June 9, 2005

From the first page of his rant:

I mistakenly believed this forum was honorable. I now see that it is no different from the rest.

Aw, c'mon! You haven't tried out metafilter yet! It's completely different.

Divine_Wino, I'll see your $2.50. Now all we have to do is get someone to pick the short straw and contact his loony ass.
posted by bachelor#3 at 11:29 AM on June 9, 2005

posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:30 AM on June 9, 2005

Here you have John's complete Bio...

John's account at Free Republic has been banned.. (thought they would let anyone post!)
posted by HuronBob at 11:32 AM on June 9, 2005

Watch out, meFi peoples, this guy has a BA from Barry University of Miami Shores, Florida.

For one, I'm scared of Florida people. For two, I'm scared of old dudes who wnat to take anyone camping. Something to do with vaseline on your ass when you wake up in the morning. That's if you ever wake up.
posted by jsavimbi at 11:33 AM on June 9, 2005

Am I the only one who thinks this comes across as a total joke thread? Like, the guy goes from "older gent looking for cycling partner" to "FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING FUCKERS" in the blink of an eye. To me, that triggers my bullshit alarm.
posted by antifuse at 11:50 AM on June 9, 2005

Wow, that didn't go well at all. Too bad he left so quickly.

(changed link to the actual one)
posted by mathowie at 11:51 AM on June 9, 2005

Thanks, mathowie.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 11:55 AM on June 9, 2005

i think he was just in character mat. i think.
posted by puke & cry at 11:58 AM on June 9, 2005

Ha! He used to teach english in Korea. My old roommate (with that exact job) tells people that's where they ship the schizophrenics who refuse to take their medication.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 11:59 AM on June 9, 2005

You have to read his posts in the other links, like the mondopolitico one, if it's a joke or it's art or just schizophrenia, it's still crazy.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:59 AM on June 9, 2005

posted by fungible at 12:09 PM on June 9, 2005

He moves from describing himself as "easy to get along with" to spouting FU's with amazing rapidity.
posted by caddis at 12:15 PM on June 9, 2005

We will have a generation of Koreans who speak like that.
posted by stbalbach at 12:50 PM on June 9, 2005

You thought that was crazy, look at this shit
posted by tirebouchon at 12:57 PM on June 9, 2005

I think this guy is for real...too much stuff out there, too much of it is serious (the resume)...

I know someone just like that, travels a lot in strange ways, always changing jobs, too many degrees, and, just like this guy, loves to teach english in asian countries... I think it lends a sense of being better then the rest of us...... I never turn my back on him.....
posted by HuronBob at 1:32 PM on June 9, 2005

From the FPP:

I have just about had it with you internet cowards who are emboldened by anonymity and distance so that you think you have the right to foist your unwarranted horning in on the affairs of others.

Metafilter: Foist your unwarranted horning in on the affairs of others.

Also from the FPP:

Oh and let me tell you something you goddamn cowards---You fucking well better KEEP hiding behind distance and anonymity you chickenshit poltroons. You people are blithering, no-good, chickenshit cowards. Not one of you yellow bellies would dare approach me in person and interfere with me in this way.

This self-described teacher uses the above terms (emphasis mine) excessively, especially since they are all synonyms. Is he really a teacher? Oh wait, his resume says:

Available anytime.

I guess he is not teaching anymore. This is a good thing. Fertile minds should not be exposed to rabid psychotics and it scares me to think that he was our 'cultural ambassador' to 35 countries.

fungible asked:


Poltroon. (Link to dictionary.com)

By the way, fungible is a cool nick - Word of the Day for Thursday January 25, 2001. (Another link to dictionary.com)
posted by cup at 1:37 PM on June 9, 2005

I am not sure if he is real or not, but there have been other internet kooks who have constructed elaborate false identities. Take for example Dr. Jai Maharaj, widely believed to actually be Jay Stevens. He posts incredible rants to multiple usenet groups and of course has his own: alt.fan.jai-maharaj.
posted by caddis at 2:01 PM on June 9, 2005


posted by Poltroon at 2:07 PM on June 9, 2005

You motherfucking coward. As soon as I finish my dinner of salisbury steak, crescent rolls, mixed vegetables, small green salad (no radishes), low fat chocolate milk, two cupcakes and large glass of water I am going to kick your ass.
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:24 PM on June 9, 2005

Please don't hurt me.
posted by Poltroon at 2:35 PM on June 9, 2005

Now there's $5 well spent. (No, really!)
posted by Space Kitty at 2:50 PM on June 9, 2005

I smell another sock puppet.
posted by caddis at 3:07 PM on June 9, 2005

To start with I was reading his name as John Goblin Shaw. Which would've made more sense.

Ha! He used to teach english in Korea. My old roommate (with that exact job) tells people that's where they ship the schizophrenics who refuse to take their medication.

Paging Mr Wonderchicken. Mr Wonderchicken to the white courtesy phone.

Cyclotouriste is just French, I think, and what you perceive as insanity...
And he turns out to be USian. Well whoda thunk it..? You guys have got all the best crazies.
posted by i_cola at 3:38 PM on June 9, 2005

i_cola, you know you just wanted to see what happens when you say "Mr. Wonderchicken" 4 times in a thread.
posted by shoepal at 4:36 PM on June 9, 2005 [1 favorite]

From mondopolitico:

By John Gobin Shaw on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 02:14 pm
...To those who might be sorely disappointed that it was not a rich, famous, popular person who discovered those attack plans and publicised them, I cannot placate you. This is not Hollywood. I am not Mel Gibson, Russel Crowe, Sylvester Stallone, Danny Glover or any of the other silver screen action heros. I am only myself, an ageing, balding, physically fit, out of work guy from south Florida who happens to possess an unusual gift for intuitive insight.

I also like women, especially well-built, sexy women. Looking at beautiful women really turns me on.

posted by nathanos at 5:23 PM on June 9, 2005

Cyclotouriste sounds ha-ha-HOT!!!
posted by mrhappysad at 6:14 PM on June 9, 2005

I aspire, in my senescence, to be this man.

Is that a bad thing?
posted by IshmaelGraves at 8:00 PM on June 9, 2005

Comment #148 is especially illuminating...
posted by Ricky_gr10 at 10:52 PM on June 9, 2005

Anyone in Stuart, Florida able to illuminate what has happened to his wife and children?
posted by asok at 1:30 AM on June 10, 2005

It was supposed to be peloton, not Poltroon.
posted by fixedgear at 3:50 AM on June 10, 2005

Ricky_gr10, you took the words right out of my mouth. This guy is so frightening.

He's the kind of guy that seems pretty normal at first glance at the museum, library, bookstore or coffee shop, but your first inclination that there is something wrong is that he sends out a feeler across that social barrier between total strangers. If you don't flee immediately when he starts up his conversation with you then he's got you. He counts on your inherent sense of impropriety and impoliteness not to cut him off as he rolls into his conspiracy theory filled rant.

Personally, I am usually amused enough by these types to let them get going. Unfortunately that means that I can never escape once they've hit their peak!

What can I say, DC is crawling with these types of whack-jobs.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:06 AM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]

posted by flippant at 8:06 AM on June 10, 2005

I forgive this guy a lot for using "poltroon". I love that word. "You chickenshit poltroons" is going to be my insult of the week. The combination of gentle antiquity and crass modernity is irresistible. Next week I'm going for either "You cunting scamps" or "You preposterous motherfucking whelps".
posted by Decani at 10:20 AM on June 10, 2005

Mod note: deleted an accidental double comment by i_cola
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:20 PM on June 11, 2005

"You people are the abusive ones and I AM RESPONDING APPROPRIATELY. FUCK YOU."
posted by VanRoosta at 6:43 PM on June 12, 2005

that guy was obviously just a troll trying to whip people into a frenzy for his own entertainment.
posted by delmoi at 6:46 PM on June 12, 2005

It's not nice to tease John Bolton. Especially since he was trying to schedule something to do while his nomination to the UN lingers in limbo.
posted by Busithoth at 7:15 PM on June 12, 2005

You know, the proportion of out-and-out kooks on the Net used to be higher a decade ago, or at least it felt that way. A Google search on "Usenet kooks" will be instructive, or read for one example the John Grubor FAQ.

Grubor, Stephen Boursy, Dmitri Vulis--they don't make 'em like that any more...
posted by Creosote at 7:48 PM on June 12, 2005

1. Cyclotouristes are mammals.

2. Cyclotouriste uncovers secret terrorist plans ALL the time.

3. The purpose of Cyclotouriste is to flip out and kill people.

posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 7:57 PM on June 12, 2005

that guy was obviously just a troll

I was wondering if I missed the part where someone said, "This is 100% serious. No JOKE!!!!" This guy has now trolled how many sites?
posted by yerfatma at 5:05 AM on June 13, 2005

Decani: You cunting scamps

Sheer brilliance. I shall appropriate it and make it my own.
posted by nomis at 11:23 PM on June 27, 2005

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