October 21, 2006 7:51 PM   Subscribe

Cute german hipster play. Am I missing something?
posted by TonyRobots at 7:58 PM on October 21, 2006

What, no fleshtone lampshades?
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:15 PM on October 21, 2006

psst, cynicalnight
posted by mendel at 8:21 PM on October 21, 2006

This one seems a really good idea.
posted by LarryC at 8:27 PM on October 21, 2006

More useful German products.
posted by psmith at 8:32 PM on October 21, 2006

I like the kleidertrickter and the gedankenst├╝tze, but I didn't care about the fensterschlafer at all.

Also, the fasnachtsgabel looks phony...
posted by growabrain at 8:36 PM on October 21, 2006

Es ist nicht deutsch. Deutsche sind nicht lustig.
posted by stbalbach at 8:41 PM on October 21, 2006

I'm definitely going to make one of these. And lots of these.
posted by Zero Gravitas at 9:23 PM on October 21, 2006

Reminds me of Chindogu. Warning: flash and music. Pondering: why are all chindogu sites so bad?

So the japanese might have beaten the germans to the Nietzsche market. Ahaha... ha.
posted by hoborg at 9:23 PM on October 21, 2006

Mentos in Pepsi-Blau stecken. Achtung, baby!
posted by rob511 at 9:25 PM on October 21, 2006

Everything is something else.
posted by quite unimportant at 10:45 PM on October 21, 2006

Definitely Swiss
posted by michswiss at 10:52 PM on October 21, 2006

While the untrained eye can't readily distinguish Swiss German from, like, German German, this can be useful in these matters.
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:15 PM on October 21, 2006

posted by greatgefilte at 11:26 PM on October 21, 2006

How is a pacifier with a cactus where the soft chewy part is supposed to be, useful?

Some are clever though.
posted by fenriq at 11:47 PM on October 21, 2006

I thought pacifiers were intended to, well... STOP the crying?
posted by IronLizard at 12:09 AM on October 22, 2006

Well, at a certain age kids need to stop using their pacifiers. I can't think of a better way to make a kid stop!
posted by Citizen Premier at 12:16 AM on October 22, 2006

Leave it to Deutschl├Ąnder to suck out all the fun from eating an ice cream cone.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:49 AM on October 22, 2006

The goggle-on-the-side-of-the-head thing was great.
posted by matthewr at 4:04 AM on October 22, 2006

Translations [literal meanings in square brackets]:

01 washing-up helper
Fill air mattress pump with dishwashing detergent. Attach sponge. Do your washing up with relish.

02 small greenhouse
Connect four front parts and one back part taken from empty CD cases. Let plants grow.

03 stainboard
Label stains. Position tray and throw magnets. Collect points.

04 wing light
Cut hole in water wings. Attach lamp socket and screw in 10W bulb. Enlighten.

05 cotton whisk
Fill up whisk with cotton balls. Put into toothbrush glass. Pluck cotton.

06 fly filter
Screw flyswatter to bicycle helmet. Put helmet on. Never swallow insects again.

07 hand sack
Cut slits into paper bag. Fold twice inward and pull handles through slits. Set a trend.

08 clothes funnel
Heat up plastic funnel with hair dryer, bend. Attach to wall. Hang up clothes.

09 [thought prop] reminder
Write note on post-it and stick to straw. Wedge behind ear. Remember.

10 [gossip cover] cover for yellow press
Remove book pages. Put magazine between covers. Read inconspicuously.

11 oil finger
Cut off the tip of a finger from a rubber glove and make a hole. Pull over bottleneck. Dispense oil measuredly.

12 ear balls
Halve tennis ball and attach to metal frame. Put on ear balls. Forget about noise.

13 [attention corner] warning corner
Fold the eight of diamonds and attach to dangerous corner. Be warned.
(This is a play on words: in Swiss German this suit is called "Ecke" [corner], and "Achtung" [watch out] or the command "Gib acht!" [be careful] contains the same word as the word for the number "Acht" [eight]).

14 duplomino
Fill up nubs with play-doh. Match up equal patterns. Win.

15 belly adorner
Remove elastic band from lace underwear. Wear it. Show your belly.

16 flexible distancer
Attach signal to folding rule. Clamp onto carrier and fold out. Keep cars at a distance.
(I don't know if they are known much outside of continental Europe, but they are quite popular in Germany (scroll down).)

17 t-fresh
Choose fragrant tea. Put bag in holder. Neutralise smells ecologically.

18 [darling holder] photo holder
Cut and bend the aluminum part of a tea light. Insert photograph. Adore holiday girlfriend.

19 window sleeper
Remove eye protector from swimming glasses. Wedge between head and train window. Sleep without getting a crick in the neck.

20 tea cloth
Wrap herbs in handkerchief and close with staple. Let steep in seething water. Enjoy tea.

21 Swiss chopsticks
Remove spring from clothespin. Notch chopsticks. Attach spring. Enjoy your meal.

22 dishcloth clamp
Remove clamp from binder. Screw to wall. Clamp on dishcloth. Keep things orderly.

23 perfume can
Halve can and cut out notches. Fill with perfumed water. Light candle. Relax.

24 stamp fingers
Cut pretty stamp to nail-size. Wet and stick on. Impress.

25 [carnival fork, approx. equivalent:] helloween fork
Remove handle and break off middle tines. Insert teeth. Bite down.

26 stopping brush
Heat up plastic handle and bend at right angles. Attach to wall. Open the door with verve.

27 summer pedals
Attach sponges to pedals with rubber bands. Ride your bike barefoot and happy.

28 anti drip
Remove gasket from vacuum cleaner bag. Insert ice cream cone. Stay clean.

29 listening pot
Cut opening in flower pots. Stick ears into them. Listen in.

30 [sucking away] no-sucking device
Remove rubber teat from sucker. Attach cactus. Break the habit.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 4:12 AM on October 22, 2006 [2 favorites]

30 [sucking away] no-sucking device
Remove rubber teat from sucker. Attach cactus. Break the habit.

thats fucking harsh

*sucks pacifier*
posted by lemonfridge at 11:19 AM on October 22, 2006

yes, stbalbach. we have a genetic disability preventing us from using humor. can't even use irony or sarcasm properly.
posted by kolophon at 12:37 PM on October 22, 2006

Um, does German really... translate like that?

All of a sudden I'm rethinking the idea of taking German after Spanish.

Unless this was run through Babelfish or some such.
posted by Talanvor at 12:42 PM on October 22, 2006

Talanvor: "Um, does German really... translate like that?

All of a sudden I'm rethinking the idea of taking German after Spanish.

Unless this was run through Babelfish or some such.

Well, it's not normal conversational German; I think they were going for a sort of artsy-minimalistic style and condensed sentences down to a bare minimum (which I tried to emulate in the translation as best I could).

To me as a native speaker these particular sentences read like something from an instruction manual or a list of assembly instructions ("take bulb from package B, insert into socket, screw in clockwise until tight"), it's not representative of a normal writing style and should in no way be construed as a "typically German" way of expressing yourself. It's just that because German is a more synthetic language than German you can reduce sentences much more without them becoming unintelligible.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 1:11 PM on October 22, 2006

this was pretty wonderful
posted by es_de_bah at 2:38 PM on October 22, 2006

Ah I see, thank you for the explanation PontifexPrimus.
posted by Talanvor at 7:34 PM on October 22, 2006

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