The 50 Worst Video Game Names Of All Time.
November 4, 2006 1:51 PM   Subscribe

The 50 Worst Video Game Names Of All Time. This is no joke, there are some real stinkers here which show that people who market games never, never realise that people might actually have to ask for them in shops. Some of these are actually unpronounceable. [via]
posted by feelinglistless (81 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
Wow. I actually bought four of those.

Surprised to see "Galactic Saga IV: Tawala's Last Redoubt" was not on the list.
posted by solid-one-love at 1:59 PM on November 4, 2006


Wargasm is on the wrong list. That's obviously one of the best videogame titles of all time.
posted by empath at 2:00 PM on November 4, 2006


Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner - Raidou Kuzunoha vs. the Soulless Army would be a recent contender.
posted by jimmy at 2:16 PM on November 4, 2006


Wow, Spanky the Monkey. I'm betting the guy (and you know it was a guy) who thought that one up is still laughing about it.
posted by tommasz at 2:18 PM on November 4, 2006


They forgot Rhythm and Face. Also, no dissing Jumpman! Sheesh.
posted by runehog at 2:20 PM on November 4, 2006


36 Great Holes.

Awesome.
posted by papakwanz at 2:26 PM on November 4, 2006


I remember Totally Rad when I was a kid; I just knew it was going to be on the list. I just knew it. The game was only memorable for being incredibly easy to win, since there was a glitch in the very first level that would let you get unlimited lives.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 2:40 PM on November 4, 2006


Awesome find feelinglistless.
posted by three blind mice at 2:40 PM on November 4, 2006


Thanks 3BM. Incidentally, my favourite game title of all time was Attack of the Mutant Zombie Flesh Eating Chickens From Mars (Starring Zappo the Dog).
posted by feelinglistless at 2:48 PM on November 4, 2006


I'm getting old. I find myself not caring about videogames at all. Even the old ones. My nostalgia organ has atrophied.
posted by nyxxxx at 2:48 PM on November 4, 2006


I refuse to acknowledge any list that criticizes Um Jammer Lammy.
posted by Simon! at 2:49 PM on November 4, 2006 [1 favorite]


Personally I think Sneak 'n Peek or Hunt and Score should have been on that list.
posted by pombe at 2:49 PM on November 4, 2006


Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner - Raidou Kuzunoha vs. the Soulless Army would be a recent contender.

Well at least they didn't try to Americanize the title. I think the longest title so far is The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-Earth II Expansion Pack: The Rise of the Witch King.
posted by bobo123 at 2:50 PM on November 4, 2006


How did ToeJam and Earl not make the cut?
posted by padraigin at 3:07 PM on November 4, 2006


Toki: Going Ape Spit
posted by Arcaz Ino at 3:09 PM on November 4, 2006


I don't trust this list. On the first page, both A.S.O. and Jumpman were okay. Maybe not great, but certainly not worthy of being on a "bottom 50" list.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 3:11 PM on November 4, 2006


Oops! My bad, I thought it was worst games, not worst game names. I take it back. Good list.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 3:12 PM on November 4, 2006


What the hell, Um Jammer Lammy is on this list? That is a truly awesome game, especially if you get the non-censored Japanese version.

I mean, I understand this sort of thing is objective and people like different things, but come on. I'm pretty sure you could find something that's actually objectively bad for that spot, instead of just something the author didn't personally like.
posted by cj_ at 3:14 PM on November 4, 2006


Er, that should read "this sort of thing is [b]subjective[/b]".
posted by cj_ at 3:16 PM on November 4, 2006


Excuse me, do you have Sticky Balls?

Yeah, that should have been #1.
posted by iconomy at 3:17 PM on November 4, 2006




Look. Read the article. it's BAD GAME NAMES, not bad games.... sheesh!
posted by stenseng at 3:18 PM on November 4, 2006


cj_ it's not the game they object to, it's the name. And Um Jammer Lammy while fun to say is sort of yuck as a title.
posted by quin at 3:18 PM on November 4, 2006


...or what stenseng said seconds before me.
posted by quin at 3:20 PM on November 4, 2006


cj_ : "What the hell, Um Jammer Lammy is on this list? That is a truly awesome game, especially if you get the non-censored Japanese version."

What, the Japanese uncensored name is better? "Cum Jammer Lammy"?
posted by Bugbread at 3:24 PM on November 4, 2006


OHH. Well that sort of changes things a bit. I guess I see these lists of the worst games ever so often I didn't stop to read the intro, just moved straight to the list.

I still hold that Um Jammer Lammy is an awesome name for a surrealistic game, but I'll let this slide.
posted by cj_ at 3:24 PM on November 4, 2006


Uh, where is Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater? There's a lot of words in that that just do not make sense when put together. Not to mention the Freudian overtones... Not that Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow makes sense by itself.

I'm also not a huge fan of having the suffix 'Wind Waker' attached to Zelda. (Then again, this company named their fucking console after a delightful colloqualism for urine.)

Compared to these (all admittedly good games), I would be more likely to pick up Wargasm or If It Moves, Shoot It.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:30 PM on November 4, 2006


I'd like to see the proposed sequels to Irritating Stick. Annoying Ball, anyone?
posted by Afroblanco at 3:34 PM on November 4, 2006


I am SO naming my band Tech Romancer.

I don't really have a band, but if I did...
posted by echo0720 at 3:38 PM on November 4, 2006


They should make a sequel to No.1, Irritating Stick vs. Inanimate Carbon Rod.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:41 PM on November 4, 2006


Princess Tomato in Salad Kingdom is really great, and intelligent, and fun, and tongue-in-cheek, too. It was one of my favourites.
posted by blacklite at 3:42 PM on November 4, 2006


echo0720 : "I am SO naming my band Tech Romancer."

No way. Save that name for your kid instead.
posted by Bugbread at 3:42 PM on November 4, 2006


What's wrong with Jumpman? That brings back memories... one of the first games I ever owned.
posted by saladpants at 3:47 PM on November 4, 2006


I had no idea they build an actual video game around that exterminator's mascot that I see it every time I drive back from SFO. Weird.
posted by kosher_jenny at 3:49 PM on November 4, 2006


I'd like to see the proposed sequels to Irritating Stick. Annoying Ball, anyone?

A game about tracking down an esacped, hijinx-loving housecat-- Vexing Pussy.
posted by ibmcginty at 3:49 PM on November 4, 2006


I'm also not a huge fan of having the suffix 'Wind Waker' attached to Zelda.

I thought it was Wind Walker for the longest time. Even after I bought it.
posted by smackfu at 3:52 PM on November 4, 2006


No way. Save that name for your kid instead.

Ah, but bugbread, I was thinking about using Psybadek or XEXYZ for that!
posted by echo0720 at 3:54 PM on November 4, 2006


I'd like to see the proposed sequels to Irritating Stick.

Itchy Ring
posted by dodgygeezer at 4:00 PM on November 4, 2006


What, the Japanese uncensored name is better? "Cum Jammer Lammy"?

Although I realize it was a joke, for the record: The original Japanese version has a sequence in which you die and go to Hell, where you have to perform at a concert. It's rather innocent and cartoonish, but it was completely removed in the American release, along with a few other changes .

While not the best part of the game in itself, cutting this part out irked me due to its apparent moral rigidity. I suppose the target audience was for a much younger crowd, which is funny considering the acid-trip quality of this game. Playing the original Japanese version first, I never felt it was a kids game, although it would certainly be appropriate in its original form.
posted by cj_ at 4:07 PM on November 4, 2006


I am SO naming my band Tech Romancer.

Certainly it would be a better band name than Rival Schools or Final Fantasy.

I forgot about Snake Eater, the thing is after reading it so many times you forget about the innuendo, sorta like Wii or Dick Cheney.
posted by bobo123 at 4:09 PM on November 4, 2006


Holy crap, I had completely forgotten about Tongue of the Fatman. It was a ridiculous, sick, and very weird fighter that I had hours of fun with. The titles and dialogue were all stored in plain text files, and I had a great time as a kid replacing it with obscenities, lines from Hamlet, and my own little made-up stories.
posted by xthlc at 4:10 PM on November 4, 2006


Before I comment on the content of the link, there is a comment up thread that requires immediate attention.

"How did ToeJam and Earl not make the cut?"
posted by padraigin at 9:07 AM AEST on November 5
The answer to that question, sir, is that it was an absoloutely awesome game and anyone who says otherwise is deluded. Now Toe Jam & Earl 2, however... that's a whole different kettle of fish...

As for the list of games itself, its interesting that the 'reviewer' rates Irritating Stick as the worst game ever when he says;
"It's so bad, in fact, that we bought a copy about five years ago and haven't opened it because we don't want to. Because it's irritating."
It may very well be a shit game... infact it is a shit game. But not having played it ever and calling it the worst game ever sort of ruins the credibility of the rest of your list.

I also noticed that an awful lot (no pun intended) of Nintendo and Sega games made his list, whilst the PS and PS2 games appear to be in the minority. Infact I don't think I saw even a single PSP or PS2 game in the list. I smell the foul odour of a Sony fan boy.

As for me, however, I must mention two games that I have played in my years that didn't make his list that were, quite frankly, god awful. They are The Fortress of Doctor Radiaki and Mach Rider, the latter of which still haunts me to this day with its never ending stage proggression and utterly repetitive music. It's amazing I stuck with my NES given the hell it put me through.
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:17 PM on November 4, 2006


I believe most MetaFilter users can read, most of the time. I hypothesise that the high number of people in this thread who evidently temporarily cannot read, is due to the similarity of the words "Game" and "Name", resulting in the word "Name" being rejected by the cerebral language center. There's a doctorate in here somewhere.
posted by Arcaz Ino at 4:20 PM on November 4, 2006 [3 favorites]


I hypothesise that the high number of people in this thread who evidently temporarily cannot read, is due to the similarity of the words "Game" and "Name", resulting in the word "Name" being rejected by the cerebral language center. There's a doctorate in here somewhere.

That's a great idea, Arcade Intro!
posted by sourwookie at 4:25 PM on November 4, 2006


What is the worst Arcade Intro ever? Many of you must have worked in a location with an arcade machine playing the same annoying demo loop all day.
posted by Arcaz Ino at 4:32 PM on November 4, 2006


I hypothesise that the high number of people in this thread who evidently temporarily cannot read, is due to the similarity of the words "Game" and "Name", resulting in the word "Name" being rejected by the cerebral language center. There's a doctorate in here somewhere.

For those of you who do not understand, Arcaz Ino is saying "It's worse game NAMES you dummies, not actual games"
posted by echo0720 at 4:33 PM on November 4, 2006


PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE COMMENTING

The link is to a site with a list of the 50 worst video game names.

Worst names, not worst games
Worst names, not worst games
Worst names, not worst games

Thank you for your attention.
posted by Bugbread at 4:36 PM on November 4, 2006


I knew this was about names, not games.

And ToeJam and Earl's a terrible name (but yeah, the first one was a really fun game).
posted by padraigin at 4:47 PM on November 4, 2006


I laughed because I've never played any of these and that means I have better taste than anyone who has.

But I do think Wargasm is a great name. In fact, if were having another child, I would him or her Wargasm.
posted by fenriq at 4:54 PM on November 4, 2006


Even the TEXT of the article eludes to NAMES. Should I have used italics in the post?
posted by feelinglistless at 4:55 PM on November 4, 2006


I mean look at my tags ...
posted by feelinglistless at 4:56 PM on November 4, 2006


We got a copy of Irritating Stick while in Taiwan.

The characters on the package were "Electric Flow Careful Careful Stick", which is much more descriptive of the actual game, and an even worse title, lol.
posted by gemmy at 5:03 PM on November 4, 2006


In Britain we had "Kuru Kuru Kururin" for GBA. Which was awesome.
posted by Arcaz Ino at 5:09 PM on November 4, 2006


Silhouette Mirage: Reprogrammed Hope

I vote we rename Metafilter to the above immediately.
posted by eyeballkid at 5:51 PM on November 4, 2006 [2 favorites]


I knew this list as flawed as soon as I saw the Dreamcast game Seaman wasn't #1. Most embarrasing moment of my life came when I asked a Media Play employee if they had "Seaman"
posted by matkline at 6:09 PM on November 4, 2006


I remember playing the old video game Dark Knight, which had nothing at all to do with knights at all, but was a Space Invaders sh'mup. It was also the first game to trigger epileptic seizures.

My favorite video game name ever? Warrior, followed by the ever eponymous Rip Off.
posted by Samizdata at 6:23 PM on November 4, 2006


Oh, and one vote for the Reprogammed Hope thing.

(P.S. Anyone remember Snatcher? Great game, unfortunate name. Still have an original copy here...)
posted by Samizdata at 6:25 PM on November 4, 2006


Yo! Noid was probably my favorite NES game ever. I mean, he'd stop and pull his ears down if you didn't press any buttons for a while. That's what it took to impress me back then.
posted by premiumpolar at 7:37 PM on November 4, 2006


Holy crap, I had completely forgotten about Tongue of the Fatman. It was a ridiculous, sick, and very weird fighter that I had hours of fun with. The titles and dialogue were all stored in plain text files, and I had a great time as a kid replacing it with obscenities, lines from Hamlet, and my own little made-up stories.
posted by xthlc at 4:10 PM PST on November 4 [+] [!]


Exactly my thinking, xthlc! I was really young when I played that game, probably 9 or 10, but it really, really creeped me out and I sucked at it.

Anyone remember Circuit's Edge? What an amazing story that game had, and let's not forget the infinite number of hookers you could pick up or drugs you could purchase and take, aspects of the game that always greatly intrigued me as a child.
posted by nonmerci at 7:42 PM on November 4, 2006


Even the TEXT of the article eludes to NAMES.

ah, well right there's your problem, sir - ya got eluding going on in your driveshaft when you need it to be alluding. that'll stop it cold every time.



p.s. people read in an F like pattern. Which often causes them to miss important words.

I suspect the culprit here is that "names" is the 6th word in...people just don't have time to read that 6th word, especially in a headline when clearly the meaning can be derived from the first 5....or in this case, not.
posted by django_z at 8:06 PM on November 4, 2006


I suspect the culprit here is that "names" is the 6th word in...people just don't have time to read that 6th word, especially in a headline when clearly the meaning can be derived from the first 5....or in this case, not.

I think a combination of this and the similiarly spelled "game" and "name" both play a part, but also the fact that the Worst Game concept is very common, while "worst game NAME" is a new premise (to me). Since everything I read on Internet weblogs I half-expect to be at least 2 years old, it's natural to assume it's just more of the same.
posted by cj_ at 9:55 PM on November 4, 2006


Wargasm was actually the name of a speed-metal band from New Jersey (I think). Not that it matters.

But it's a great fucking name.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:55 PM on November 4, 2006


No Urban Yeti?
posted by jaysus chris at 10:30 PM on November 4, 2006


Matkline, If thats the most embarrassing thing in your life, you havenet lived.
posted by subaruwrx at 10:57 PM on November 4, 2006


I'd like to see the proposed sequels to Irritating Stick.

Chafing Dish
posted by gompa at 12:55 AM on November 5, 2006


Sad to see that they seem to think "James Pond 2 : Codename : Robocod" is solely for the GBA... yet they correctly list other multiplatform games.
Anyway, surely "James Pond 3 : Operation Starfish" is even more dodgy?

I recall an unreleased Team 17 game (for the Amiga) called "Pussy Galore" - suspect that would have made the list if it ever came out. There was also another Amiga game called "Dong"... that got hastily renamed to "Donk" shortly prior to release...
Or in more of a lame way than dodgy, how about "Scary Mutant Space Aliens From Mars"? Stupid.

There was also a whole load of weird stuff release into the PD market - a number of which weren't from native-English-speaking countries, and may be forgiven... but still "Zjyswav Hero of the Galaxy 3D" - really?!
posted by Chunder at 2:33 AM on November 5, 2006


I bought a game for my Commodore Vic20 which could probably make both this list and the best name list at the same time.

Called "Metagalactic Llamas Battle at the edge of Time" in which you played a llama who had to spit at evil space spiders.
posted by Mr Bismarck at 2:38 AM on November 5, 2006


Can't believe no one's mentioned "Yanya Caballista: City Skater" yet.
posted by rifflesby at 3:08 AM on November 5, 2006


padraigin : "I knew this was about names, not games.

And ToeJam and Earl's a terrible name"


Sorry, that comment wasn't directed at you, but any new folks who were going to complain about "Game X isn't a bad game!". I knew that you understood that this was about names.

cj_ : "I think a combination of this and the similiarly spelled 'game' and 'name' both play a part, but also the fact that the Worst Game concept is very common, while 'worst game NAME' is a new premise (to me)."

Agreed, on both counts. The mind probably combines the "game" and "name" parts into just "games", plus "worst game" lists are frickin' ubiquitous. Maybe if it were phrased "Games with the worst names", people would notice.
posted by Bugbread at 4:29 AM on November 5, 2006


Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi, anybody? I still don't know how to pronounce that; not that it matters, because the game was awful.

And this Penny Arcade strip may be relevant.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:31 AM on November 5, 2006


django_z : "people read in an F like pattern."

Huh. Interesting. I tested it out, and, sure enough, when I'm scanning a new page (as opposed to actually reading a discussion, where I read each comment like one would read a book), my eyes do indeed do an F.
posted by Bugbread at 4:33 AM on November 5, 2006


In Britain we had "Kuru Kuru Kururin" for GBA.

So what was that one about? New Guinea cannibals try to avoid contracting the Laughing Death?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:59 AM on November 5, 2006


It was about an irritating stick, as it happens.
posted by Arcaz Ino at 6:01 AM on November 5, 2006


"Wargasm" was also an L7 song, if recall correctly.

I remember when XEXYZ came out when I was a wee lad, and it was a pretty fun sidescroller game, but damn if it was tricky asking for it for Christmas.

Finally, I nominate "Hey Punk Are You TUFF E NUFF?" as an honorable mention.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:24 AM on November 5, 2006


I can see I had a misspent youth; all those years of reading Pride and Prejudice when I could have been having a Wargasm from a Fatman's Tongue.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 10:23 AM on November 5, 2006


It's funny how we live in an age where someone could just have easily named this "The 50 best video game names of all time," and I would wholeheartedly agree.
posted by ORthey at 11:03 AM on November 5, 2006


Maybe if it were phrased "Games with the worst names"

Or "The 50 Worst Video Game Titles".
posted by dirigibleman at 11:07 AM on November 5, 2006


dirigibleman : "Or 'The 50 Worst Video Game Titles'."

Nah. "Title" is used synonmously with "Game" in game related sites far too often (i.e. "Sony has announced the launch titles for the PS3", etc.)
posted by Bugbread at 11:48 AM on November 5, 2006


Well, I had Um Jammer Lammy, Klonoa, and, uh, Pen Pen Triicelon from that list, and they were all great. Well, OK, Pen Pen wasn't that great, but it was good for a quick break from Sonic Adventure.
posted by reklaw at 1:33 PM on November 5, 2006


This was an awesome find. Thanks.
posted by The God Complex at 2:26 PM on November 5, 2006


We are all used to it now, but Donkey Kong is a terrible, terrible name.
posted by litlnemo at 5:00 AM on November 7, 2006


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