Save the blondes! Get a perma-puppy.
November 30, 2006 7:49 AM   Subscribe

PermaPuppies - they never get big. Spoof commercial biotech site is just viral advertizing for Michael Crichton's new book, but some of the ads are fun.
posted by CunningLinguist (27 comments total)
Lemme guess—the thesis of Chrichton's new book is "science is scary and dangerous".
posted by interrobang at 8:00 AM on November 30, 2006 [1 favorite]

I checked this out when I received an e-mail from Borders advertising the book.

Even though it sounds like most other Crichton books ("Fascinating, kinetic, and cautionary, the book presents a twisted chain of events in which greed and corruption among [the] scientists..."), I will probably read it anyway.

As far as the site is concerned, my favorite was the "bum fuel" story ("[Bethune's] buttocks only yielded a liter of fuel").
posted by nekton at 8:04 AM on November 30, 2006

posted by sciurus at 8:22 AM on November 30, 2006

This is why I grow my puppies in mason jars.
posted by gigawhat? at 8:42 AM on November 30, 2006

I think that bum fuel story is real.
I definitely remember reading something like it in Wired.
posted by seanyboy at 8:44 AM on November 30, 2006

Meh, just feed your kittens and puppies coffee and cigarettes.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:47 AM on November 30, 2006

Peter Bethune
There's always the possibility that viral marketing has got that good.
posted by seanyboy at 8:47 AM on November 30, 2006

Hey, wow, it's a book about giant cockroaches, by a giant cockroach!
posted by gurple at 8:48 AM on November 30, 2006

Hah - in the "Best Genes to Buy Now" story, the gene for better verbal facility is called BLSHt.
posted by rhiannon at 8:50 AM on November 30, 2006

Did Mark Mothersbaugh do the music for the "Perma-Puppy" spot, or just a great imitator?
posted by JBennett at 8:51 AM on November 30, 2006

posted by CRM114 at 8:59 AM on November 30, 2006

If you have the Primus "Tales From the Punchbowl" enhanced CD version, the "video" for Professor Nutbutter has a nice story about perma-puppies.
posted by sonofsamiam at 9:00 AM on November 30, 2006

Michael Crichton is a yucky cuckoo bird.
posted by mrnutty at 9:18 AM on November 30, 2006

Crichton's introduction to Jurassic Park had me wondering, back in the day, when he was going to explore the possibilities of the genetic engineering further: He had me thinking about the possibilities implied by trees with square-edged trunks for quite a while afterward. But his novels seem consciously plotted -- often distractingly so -- as if intentionally storyboarded for action-adventure movies. While they're fun, lightweight reads, the pacing and the lack of compelling characters or dialogue rarely inspire me to care all that much about the ramifications of impact on humanity of the technologies they depict. His stories are "Meme McNuggets."
posted by pax digita at 9:57 AM on November 30, 2006

I had a similar idea back in college, which was essentially a puppy subscription. A subscriber would receive a puppy, enjoy it for a few months, then return it for a fresh puppy when the old one was no longer cute. Our staff, selected for their lack of emotional attachment to creatures and for their excitement over improvised methods of efficiency and secrecy would take care of the returned ex-puppies. I have no idea why you need science for this when breeding is cheap and guys who want to meet girls via a puppy are plentiful and have money from their parents.
posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat at 10:39 AM on November 30, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think I'll save up for ControlGene! The gene found in every dictator (discovered in France)! Also I'll take HarmonyGene (sociability), because those two seem so complimentary...
posted by clevershark at 10:46 AM on November 30, 2006

Anyway, which is better -- PermaPuppy, OrangaTalk, or just an old-fashioned bonsai kitten?
posted by clevershark at 10:53 AM on November 30, 2006

I also had a similar idea not too long ago. I don't want a puppy, just a dog that doesn't live too long. A 15-20 year commitment and all the medical bills just aren't for me anymore. One day the dog would just finish happily running through the yard and fall over dead. A service comes by and processes the remains. How long would it live? I'm not sure, but I do like the name "30 day dogs." In 30 days you've already walked the dog all around your neighborhood and met whatever girls you're going to meet.

Seriously, why do his books always focus on flashy and socially unsettling tech? How about the "make schizophrenia, diabetes, bipolar, depression, cancer, and stinky feet go away" genes?
posted by damn dirty ape at 11:35 AM on November 30, 2006

man i had this permapuppy idea a long time ago. as i'm sure a lot of folks did. but still!!!
posted by joeblough at 12:02 PM on November 30, 2006

Because that would make for a short and dull book/movie.

Scientist: "we've discovered a cure for cancer!"
Everyone: "yay!"
the end
posted by clevershark at 12:06 PM on November 30, 2006

Dogs are already the PermaPuppy version of wolves.
posted by Jos Bleau at 12:59 PM on November 30, 2006

My favorite part about permapuppies (not counting that they're puppies for ever) is you get to pick the lifespan. I'm thinking about 70 years would be nice.
posted by booksandlibretti at 2:16 PM on November 30, 2006

Michael Crichton's early novels were better, before he started writing books for movies with passages like "Debra walked out of the store. She looked a lot like Helen Hunt, or, if she is available, Sigourney Weaver."
posted by Poagao at 11:31 PM on November 30, 2006

PermaPuppies might make a good mascot for Card's hippie revolutionaries.
posted by homunculus at 12:12 AM on December 1, 2006

What is particularly humorous about this is that the domesticated dog is already a permapuppy (i.e. neotenic) compared to its wild counterparts. Just like we are.
posted by kindall at 12:33 PM on December 1, 2006

Greg Egan did it first.
posted by Tlogmer at 8:32 PM on December 1, 2006

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