Office Space; Now with extra violence!
March 20, 2007 4:51 PM   Subscribe

An office worker loses it one day, jumps over the table and mercilessly beats his co-worker. The action is spectacular, but is it real or staged? You decide.
posted by Second Account For Making Jokey Comments (68 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
Fake.
posted by ericb at 4:56 PM on March 20, 2007


Somehow, in some horrible way this is a commercial for The Gap or something, isn't it?

The fact that the guy nearest the beating continues his phone conversation is a wonderful commentary on office society. I stand by that statement whether the video is real or (more likely) faked.
posted by gurple at 4:56 PM on March 20, 2007


Seeing as how the newspaper doesn't give any background, and seems to be asking that question out of nowhere, my vote's for fake.
posted by brundlefly at 4:57 PM on March 20, 2007


I decide: this sucks.
posted by CaptMcalister at 4:58 PM on March 20, 2007


I haven't even watched this thing yet and my vote is fake.
posted by nathancaswell at 4:59 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


NewsFilter?
YoutubeFilter?

NewsTubeFilter?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 5:01 PM on March 20, 2007


what he said
posted by stirfry at 5:01 PM on March 20, 2007


So, so very fake.

That being said, at a newspaper I once worked for, I saw a real, live fistfight that started life as a heated argument about a misplaced comma.

Yes, a comma.
posted by frogan at 5:02 PM on March 20, 2007 [2 favorites]


Watched it, fake.

Grabbing for the keyboard or whatever gives it away. "What can I hit this guy with that won't hurt that much but will look impressive?"
posted by nathancaswell at 5:02 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


Actually, I take this back, the whole concept of this video gives it away.
posted by nathancaswell at 5:03 PM on March 20, 2007


do i HAVE to decide? ... don't i already have enough to decide, already? ... why do I have to DECIDE?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
posted by pyramid termite at 5:03 PM on March 20, 2007


A friend of mine lost his job after he beat his coworker with a computer power cable when said coworker moved the partition between their cubicles without asking him.
posted by unSane at 5:03 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


Plus his monitor (the one that gets knocked over) is off. Now why would it be off?

And I have spent to much time commenting on this. Moving on.
posted by nathancaswell at 5:04 PM on March 20, 2007


The idea that a camera is just there in the first place, I'm supposing in case these stock broker types steal a pad of postits, gives it away.
posted by gcbv at 5:05 PM on March 20, 2007



That being said, at a newspaper I once worked for, I saw a real, live fistfight that started life as a heated argument about a misplaced comma.

Yes, a comma.


I so want to hear this whole story.
posted by cccorlew at 5:06 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


frogan, that is awesome.

If you'll excuse me, I am now going to prepare a MetaTalk post wherein I ask for a section of the site that allows MetaFilter users to vote whether YouTube videos are real or faked. Will Matt have the courage to launch such a section? Will people take a stand to back a feature that is so sorely needed in this crazy, mixed-up world of Internet video and, uh, people who fake Internet video.

Wait. What was the question? Oh. Yeah. Right. This is totally fake. And ridiculous.
posted by veggieboy at 5:07 PM on March 20, 2007


Well -- misplaced commas can be costly.
posted by ericb at 5:08 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


This is so shockingly fake that I'm having trouble believing it was actually posted.
posted by cortex at 5:09 PM on March 20, 2007


last post!!
posted by pyramid termite at 5:13 PM on March 20, 2007



I eagerly await the academic treatise on the blurring of reality and fiction and post-post-meta-modernism of YouTube as a function of the narcissism of youth.
posted by bukharin at 5:13 PM on March 20, 2007


I assume everything posted online is fake until I find out otherwise.
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:14 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


staged. camera angles from places where the camera wouldn't be, shots framed too well, lighting too soft and indirect, semi-professional actors over-emoting as if in a high school play.

(now I'm going to go watch it)

posted by drjimmy11 at 5:15 PM on March 20, 2007 [2 favorites]


In other news... on America's Funniest Home Videos, do children actually AIM the baseball bat for their father's crotches?

Discuss.
posted by miss lynnster at 5:16 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


ok the lighting was genuine shitty office lighting, and a security camera could be there, although they tend to be b+w and have timecodes.

But the lack of reaction from the other "workers" give it away- particularly the ham who continues to talk on the phone.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:18 PM on March 20, 2007


I once had a fight at work. Yeah long story and it sucked, but as an authority on the subject, I have to believe that was fake.
posted by Skygazer at 5:18 PM on March 20, 2007


fake but hilarious. if it's real, the dude who was throwing shit at the guy had it coming.
posted by quarter waters and a bag of chips at 5:18 PM on March 20, 2007


Not nearly as argutastic as the recent David O. Russell clips.

fake...
posted by edgeways at 5:33 PM on March 20, 2007


What argument? I see some guys on a phone, then I see a guy jump across a desk.
posted by DU at 5:39 PM on March 20, 2007


At least one of the monitors is on nathancaswell. And why does the camera glitch right as the guy launches across the table?

Anyhow; fake. And I won't be surprised to see it floating around the web with a Ultimate Fighting Championship logo in the corner or something in a couple of weeks. It's probably got some viral agent that hasn't paid out yet.
posted by quin at 5:46 PM on March 20, 2007


I so want to hear this whole story.

First, read up on serial commas.

The Chicago Manual of Style says "Yes, use them." The AP Stylebook says, "No, don't use them." There is ... well, do you call it controversy? OK, let's just say there's disagreement over their use.

U.S. newspapers almost always follow AP conventions. Academics are Chicago people.

The argument started out as a familiar outburst: "Dammit, Ted, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, we DO NOT use serial commas!" It was probably more volume and venom than was needed.

But the other guy wouldn't back down, saying there was ambiguity in the sentence without a serial comma. The first guy wouldn't back down, either, pointing to the stylebook as if it were The Law.

Then the argument morphed into a discussion over education levels. I told you the Chicago manual was a fave of academics, right?. It was Workingman Journalist vs. Intellectual Elitist.

Editor 1 threw a stylebook at Editor 2, screaming, "Just do your your fucking job." The stylebook glanced off Editor 2's shoulder, and after that it was shoving, screaming and some half-hearted punches from two 45-year-old sedentary men.

Now that I think about it, I didn't get up from my desk, either, just like the guys in the video, and at the time, I was the youngest, most athletic, most-likely-to-break-either-guy-in-half person in the building. But I was too focused on my deadline to care what these two guys were yelling about. ;-)
posted by frogan at 5:51 PM on March 20, 2007 [12 favorites]


It's either fake or everyone in the office fucking hates that guy because no one reacts once he starts getting wailed on. One guy in the back even answers the phone during the "fight."
posted by inconsequentialist at 6:01 PM on March 20, 2007


Real fights arent this clean. The guy practically does a wrestling move on him. In real life theres lots of noise, a burst of action, and possibly some crying all in about 2.3 seconds.
posted by damn dirty ape at 6:08 PM on March 20, 2007


Frankly I'm inclined to think that any video on the internet that's not directly the subject of litigation is, in fact, fake.
posted by clevershark at 6:13 PM on March 20, 2007


Super fake. Everybody knows your co-workers, once they sense weakness, will immediately begin soccer kicking the downed man.

I am notoriously oblivious to office politics and gossip. Once a few years ago I was contracting in a cubicle farm where the majority of people were Tech Slacker types with an odd assortment of out-of-retirement COBOL consultants cashing in on Y2K paranoia. Most were happy to be alive type guys. Not believing the hourly rates they cold charge just to give the nod to printouts of old code. But one guy - Lawrence - was a might twitchy.

Lawrence was a flabby weekend militia dude who looked like an even more bleached out version of Martin Mull with Xtreme Comb Over. He wore a Reagan Revolution tie pin every day. He was prone to sullen mumbling and then sudden John Birch Society outbursts. And. He unfortunately bonded to me.

I think he did this because during one of the many times he talked about guns I mentioned my fondness for the Sig Sauer P226 and that my dad was a Green Beret. This last fact came up at the oddest moments. At lunch when me and the others were talking about the Oscars or Seinfeld. Or in the middle of meetings.

"So we are going to go with this new CSS structure on these pages and..."

"Todds dad wore tiger fatigues in 'Nam. Right Todd? Tiger striped fatigues? Huh?"

"...uh. Yeah Lawrence."

Anyway. Even through all this weirdness I never really got freaked out by the guy since I have a very high tolerance for freaks. But everybody else stayed a million miles away from him - and this made me feel bad for the guy so I went to an effort to be nice to him.

So one day one of my co-workers, Dan, tells me Lawrence has been sending pornographic emails to a female coworker and stalking her and shit. NO! I say. YES! He says. Where the hell have you been? He says.

So.... what are they gonna do about it? I say. They are going to fire him maybe.

Dan tells me something else. It makes me kind of poo a little. Lawrence packs. In his briefcase he has a revolver, Dan says. Oh. Shit. Well that makes sense.

So what are we gonna do? I say. There is no security at this place. And the cops aren't gonna do anything until Lawrence goes Postal.

Dan makes up this plan. We argue about it. We go back and forth on who is gonna do what but because I am Lawrence's buddy I get to go talk to him. That while Lawrence is getting his "talking to" I will wait outside the Managers office and distract him while Dan secures the gun. So great. What if Lawrence is packing on his person? I say. We can think of no plan for this.

So I try to be nonchalant meanwhile inside the NOT sound proof managers office they are trying to delicately break it to Lawrence that he is fired.

"WHY?" I hear him yell. " I AM A VALUABLE ASSET! I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE! I WORK HARDER THAN ANY OF THESE... THESE CHILDREN!"

It's not going well. But then the Manager, rather than just give him a downsizing lecture, ACTUALLY tells him that a Woman has complained and they have records of his emails. AND they have found porn on his computer.

Oh. FUCKING HELL. How stupid. Don't rub this guys nose in it, man.

I start visualizing all these terrible things this guy might do.

And then there is this awful silence. I'm looking around the waiting room for a weapon and something bullet proof to dive behind.

And that's when I hear this guy. This terrible sound. He is crying like a baby. He has been destroyed. This 55 year old man is weeping uncontrollably. This is the ONE thing I did not anticipate. 100 mile per hour shame.

He steps out. The Manager in the doorway behind him looks like he is going to be sick. Lawrence's shirt and face are soaked with sweat and tears.

He falls out of the office and into my arms. This is the worst thing I have ever seen. I escort him back to his cubicle. Everybody is watching but NOT watching in the walk of shame kind of way. Dead man walking.

I see Dan. He nods. Lawrence gathers up all his stuff. His Limbaugh book, his bald eagle mirror, and his... briefcase. And he shuffles away. Out the door.

Everybody is pretending to go back to work. Dan looks at me and puts some bullets down on his desk.

We never saw Lawrence again.
posted by tkchrist at 6:18 PM on March 20, 2007 [23 favorites]


I decided 2 months ago when I first saw this. Flagged.
posted by fire&wings at 6:29 PM on March 20, 2007


3... 2...
posted by miss lynnster at 6:29 PM on March 20, 2007


Woah...

Okay. Now was TKChrist's story real or faked? YOU decide!
posted by ZachsMind at 6:33 PM on March 20, 2007


"Everybody is pretending to go back to work. Dan looks at me and puts some bullets down on his desk."

Metafilter: great stories
posted by psyche7 at 6:36 PM on March 20, 2007


And what Psyche7 said.

My gf just sent me this. Is it a real free photo booth or is it a fake? You decide!
posted by ZachsMind at 6:41 PM on March 20, 2007


I eagerly await the academic treatise on the blurring of reality and fiction and post-post-meta-modernism of YouTube as a function of the narcissism of youth.

*resists temptation*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:42 PM on March 20, 2007


Fake and lame. And I'm wasting more time commenting on it. I obviously need help.
posted by bhouston at 6:44 PM on March 20, 2007


Ah, tkchrist likes the Sig. Good man.
posted by quin at 6:48 PM on March 20, 2007


tkchrist kicked my story's ass.
posted by frogan at 6:58 PM on March 20, 2007


Sulpher Hexafluoride Gas! Is it real or is it fake? You decide!
posted by ZachsMind at 7:01 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


crap! misspelled sulphur. i suck.
posted by ZachsMind at 7:01 PM on March 20, 2007


Kenny Roger's face! Is it real or is it fake? You decide!
posted by miss lynnster at 7:10 PM on March 20, 2007


Bullshit.
posted by chance at 7:15 PM on March 20, 2007


Sulfur hexafluoride gas on Wikipedia. Damn that is cool and real.
posted by bhouston at 7:21 PM on March 20, 2007


I vote fake, but I liked it. Thanks tkchrist.

Oh, were we still talking about the video?
posted by Loudmax at 7:24 PM on March 20, 2007


tkchrist, for a second there I thought you were talking about a Y2K automated COBOL code remediation shop where I worked... MatriDigm, but we had security. Oh, and I like the Sig Sauer P226 in .40, but it has been a while since I've fired it.

frogan, between you and tkchrist this thread was worth it. I was taught to use serial commas, without any explanation, and I've gotten flack for it from non-serial comma types.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:26 PM on March 20, 2007


Unchecked aggression, emblematic of an over-pressurized culture of capitalist winner-take-all-ism that rewards boorish and uncivilised alpha-male bonobo-istic displays, is funny.
Ecco homo, motherfuckers.
posted by Dizzy at 7:27 PM on March 20, 2007


if you have to ask, you should already know.

but the stories in here are great.
posted by pokermonk at 7:30 PM on March 20, 2007


I like to poop, myself.
posted by davy at 7:36 PM on March 20, 2007


Bullshit or not? Warning: this is potentially much more entertaining than the original link.
posted by clevershark at 7:57 PM on March 20, 2007


Wow, when a post is potentially much less entertaining than an Arsenio Hall movie... that's sayin' something.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:05 PM on March 20, 2007


This isnt even Pepsi Blue. This shit is Crystal Pepsi.
posted by ElmerFishpaw at 8:08 PM on March 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


Great story about serial commas, Frogan

The Times once published a description of a Peter Ustinov documentary: "highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector."

Ha!
posted by banishedimmortal at 8:23 PM on March 20, 2007


I haven't watched the video, yet, but the stories are brill.
Which goes to show you, don't shoot the messenger nor their post, you never know what may transpire.

clevershark, Henry Silva is the Lockness monster, because I saw him come around that corner right after eating the girl.
posted by alicesshoe at 9:16 PM on March 20, 2007


Kenny Roger's face!

That's an incorrectly notated possessive! *doubles up a handful of miss lynnster's hair, beats her with Kenny Rogers' wooden face*
posted by hermitosis at 9:41 PM on March 20, 2007


Damned if you aren't totally correct! So ok... do-over! "Kenny Rogers' face." Better?
(At least I incorrectly notated the possessive in a post that wasn't about being literate, though. Phew!)

posted by miss lynnster at 11:07 PM on March 20, 2007


So ok... do-over!

Well, for starters, it's "OK."

It's not ok or okay or Okay or o-kay or anything else. OK. Like the state abbreviation. OK?

Now do you begin to see why editors try to punch each other in the face from time to time?
posted by frogan at 11:17 PM on March 20, 2007


Good story tkchrist! I'm not watching the vid though. It's fake. Even if it was real it sounds a bit rubbish.
posted by algreer at 3:23 AM on March 21, 2007


Unchecked aggression, emblematic of an over-pressurized culture of capitalist winner-take-all-ism that rewards boorish and uncivilised alpha-male bonobo-istic displays, is funny.
Ecco homo, motherfuckers.
posted by Dizzy at 7:27 PM on March 20


Why would you use the most peaceful of the great apes in your little rant? Bonobos are pretty mellow compared to regular chimps or humans.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:29 AM on March 21, 2007


Sorry I'm late to respond-- too busy throwing poo and picking nits.
All primates are grey in the dark, dark jungle, babe.
posted by Dizzy at 10:33 AM on March 21, 2007


The lighting alone gives it away.
posted by Jeremy at 12:28 PM on March 21, 2007


You people are being silly. Any truly bonobo-istic office video would have shown women in charge. And instead of angrily vaulting across a desk to throw stuff at someone's head, everyone would've gotten along relatively peacefully and without such hot-tempered interchanges.

Oh yeah, and every few minutes everyone would start screwing eachother.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:47 PM on March 21, 2007


Resolved:
If I ever have to work in an office, I'm applying to Bonobo, Bonobo, and Bonobo, LLC.
posted by Dizzy at 4:19 PM on March 21, 2007


Y'know, I don't care. Is he going to have those TPS reports on my desk Monday or not?
posted by Smedleyman at 4:53 PM on March 21, 2007


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