I feel like chicken tonight
May 6, 2007 3:42 PM Subscribe
There is apparently such a thing as a chicken eating spider. Take heart that you're probably not a chicken.
This fucker is described as "nearly a foot across".
I am not leaving my home.
Ever.
posted by Dizzy at 3:50 PM on May 6, 2007
I am not leaving my home.
Ever.
posted by Dizzy at 3:50 PM on May 6, 2007
This guy doesn't have the whole story here.
Obviously, the "mother" tarantula he found was only the fourth or fifth generation in the giant spider clan, and if he were to penetrate deeper, he would find Shelob herself, living miles underground, just waiting for the unwitting scientists to come a-researching...
posted by po at 3:50 PM on May 6, 2007
Obviously, the "mother" tarantula he found was only the fourth or fifth generation in the giant spider clan, and if he were to penetrate deeper, he would find Shelob herself, living miles underground, just waiting for the unwitting scientists to come a-researching...
posted by po at 3:50 PM on May 6, 2007
Well, you can just rock me to sleep tonight.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:50 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:50 PM on May 6, 2007
Holy fucking DO NOT WANT.
posted by Cyrano at 3:53 PM on May 6, 2007 [16 favorites]
posted by Cyrano at 3:53 PM on May 6, 2007 [16 favorites]
Y HALLO THAR NIGHTMARE FUEL
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:56 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:56 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Aaaahhh!!!! I saw a spider in a bathroom sink in Trinidad that was about 4 or 5 inches across and I almost peed my pants. I'll pass on this chicken-eating variety.
posted by serazin at 3:56 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by serazin at 3:56 PM on May 6, 2007
I bet it has AIDS and loves to eat pussy.
posted by The Straightener at 4:08 PM on May 6, 2007 [3 favorites]
posted by The Straightener at 4:08 PM on May 6, 2007 [3 favorites]
Most days I really dig the Mondo Image display extension, but today... not so much.
Christ, chickens are such ugly creatures. *Brrrr*
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 4:08 PM on May 6, 2007
Christ, chickens are such ugly creatures. *Brrrr*
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 4:08 PM on May 6, 2007
I found Spidey Studmuffin's discovery of arachnid pet-owning more eye-opening than their ability to choke chickens:
posted by rob511 at 4:14 PM on May 6, 2007
We also discovered [tarantulas that] appeared to be keeping a pet. There was a little frog that lived down in the hole with the spiders. It may offer some sort of service to spiders, like sweeping up ants that might bother the spiders.Perhaps, even now, those eight-legged freaks are weaving silken choke-collars for little Newt and Ribbet.
posted by rob511 at 4:14 PM on May 6, 2007
Reason #45764 to live in a cold country: the spiders are smaller than your head.
And boy, am I going to work that much harder to stop climate change...
posted by Zinger at 4:23 PM on May 6, 2007
And boy, am I going to work that much harder to stop climate change...
posted by Zinger at 4:23 PM on May 6, 2007
Hey, where'd stav go?
posted by monju_bosatsu at 4:31 PM on May 6, 2007 [5 favorites]
posted by monju_bosatsu at 4:31 PM on May 6, 2007 [5 favorites]
When it comes to spiders, call me a chicken.
posted by autodidact at 4:33 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by autodidact at 4:33 PM on May 6, 2007
The Hitler of Spiders.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:53 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:53 PM on May 6, 2007
Oh man, I'm so disappointed. I clicked around the links hoping to find a chicken eating spiders, not spiders eating chickens.
Maybe the next yuppie delicacy will be chicken soup made by spiders, like the coffee beans that've been pooped through a cat/whatever.
posted by porpoise at 4:54 PM on May 6, 2007
Maybe the next yuppie delicacy will be chicken soup made by spiders, like the coffee beans that've been pooped through a cat/whatever.
posted by porpoise at 4:54 PM on May 6, 2007
Something I just found out in the last few years about my dad: He is deathly afraid of spiders. As a kid I had no idea. He hid any vulnerability from us. Fearful we would usurp him.
This is a man who completed three combat tours of Vietnam. A former Green Beret. A guy who jumped out of perfectly good airplanes into the night.
When he got back from 'Nam he often would wake up screaming. Because he dreamed of spiders in his boots.
And he squeals like a five year old girl when a wee spider tippy-toes across the bathroom tile when he is on the pot.
When we go fishing in Alaska he will sleep right through the Grizzly sauntering through camp. But if a spider gets in the tent
he, a 75 year old man, will sprint like the wind and dive into one of the boats as if his hair were on fire.
If I sent him this link he would kill his computer with extreme prejudice. And just to be safe torch the house.
Hmmm...
Aaaaaaand CLICK forward...
posted by tkchrist at 4:55 PM on May 6, 2007 [2 favorites]
This is a man who completed three combat tours of Vietnam. A former Green Beret. A guy who jumped out of perfectly good airplanes into the night.
When he got back from 'Nam he often would wake up screaming. Because he dreamed of spiders in his boots.
And he squeals like a five year old girl when a wee spider tippy-toes across the bathroom tile when he is on the pot.
When we go fishing in Alaska he will sleep right through the Grizzly sauntering through camp. But if a spider gets in the tent
he, a 75 year old man, will sprint like the wind and dive into one of the boats as if his hair were on fire.
If I sent him this link he would kill his computer with extreme prejudice. And just to be safe torch the house.
Hmmm...
Aaaaaaand CLICK forward...
posted by tkchrist at 4:55 PM on May 6, 2007 [2 favorites]
Hehe...cryptozoology.com is blocked by work filter as being "Occult related".
posted by Bugbread at 4:56 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by Bugbread at 4:56 PM on May 6, 2007
That is awesome. I would love to be that guy right now.
posted by Many bubbles at 4:57 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by Many bubbles at 4:57 PM on May 6, 2007
We also discovered [tarantulas that] appeared to be keeping a pet
JESUS CHRIST NO
this thread is useless without the img tag and some lolcats
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:57 PM on May 6, 2007
JESUS CHRIST NO
this thread is useless without the img tag and some lolcats
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:57 PM on May 6, 2007
I'm PROBABLY not a chicken?
How can I find out for sure?
posted by pompomtom at 4:59 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
How can I find out for sure?
posted by pompomtom at 4:59 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Not sure if it was a huntsman spider, but I killed one here (Ohio) that was nearly 3 in. across ( 7 - 8 cm?) -- unfortunately, I stupidly used something containing bleach to clean the stain, so now I've got a bleach spot on the carpet. Goodbye apartment deposit...
posted by pax digita at 5:05 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by pax digita at 5:05 PM on May 6, 2007
Any apartment that contains a 3-inch spider should be required by law to be rent-free. In fact, you should get paid for continuing to live there.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:25 PM on May 6, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:25 PM on May 6, 2007 [2 favorites]
Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Kill it! Kill it with fire!
posted by Rangeboy at 5:31 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Rangeboy at 5:31 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Sadly I can't the lyrics, but tkchrist's story reminded of "The Spider (In The Bath)" by Flanders and Swann. "I'll stand between a lioness and her cub/But I won't. Go. Near. That. Tub.".
posted by DU at 5:31 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by DU at 5:31 PM on May 6, 2007
unfortunately, I stupidly used something containing bleach to clean the stain, so now I've got a bleach spot on the carpet
Unfortunately, you only bleached the area of the dead spider. Had you bleached the entire house as you should have after discovering such a spider, you'd be sitting pretty.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:32 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Unfortunately, you only bleached the area of the dead spider. Had you bleached the entire house as you should have after discovering such a spider, you'd be sitting pretty.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:32 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
omg. Sickening but mesmerising.
I've heard about enormous bird spiders in the East, Hawaii I thought. shivers. And also Goliath Tarantulas. But the birds they ate I presumed were little birds. Not a whole honking chicken!
Spidey Studmuffin, ouch, that's funny. But it is amazing about the frog pet. Seems a number of unlikely critters have symbiotic relationships, like the tick bird and the rhino but a frog and tarantula seems incredibly unlikely. Maybe the frog isn't tasty to the tarantula and gets protection of sorts? Or meal leftovers?
Google the frog-spider thing and apparently it's called a commensal relationship and exists among a number of different frogs and spiders in various places.
When living in Himachal Pradesh, India, for 6 years all the tiny rooms I lived in had Hunstman Spiders, a type of Giant Crab Spider, big as my hand. Brown, furry, big fangs, no web, fast as lightning, 7 eyes that I could count (hard not shaking while being that close to them). I was terrified of them. Tried to relax but that visceral fear stayed.
They slept in the day behind any clothes I put on the hook on the wall, behind any towel, picture, pot that was hanging. Once I wrapped a towel around me with a spider inside and noticed the legs peeking out of the fabric. Sheer horror. Occasionally I'd wake up with a swollen lip because they ate mosquitoes above my head while I spet and their poop was toxic when it fell on my face it would cause a painless, golfball sized swelling. When a female gave birth there would be literally hundreds of babies. Boschian nightmare.
Once a 'baby' ('only an inch and a half or so) Huntsman got in my trousers when I was in the outhouse and bit my ass when I pulled the trousers up. Nasty nip but that's all. In Hawaii they're called cane spiders.
To this day 27 years later, when I get out of the shower, I shake my towel automatically, without thinking but because some fear lurks that a Huntsman might be there.
posted by nickyskye at 5:35 PM on May 6, 2007 [12 favorites]
I've heard about enormous bird spiders in the East, Hawaii I thought. shivers. And also Goliath Tarantulas. But the birds they ate I presumed were little birds. Not a whole honking chicken!
Spidey Studmuffin, ouch, that's funny. But it is amazing about the frog pet. Seems a number of unlikely critters have symbiotic relationships, like the tick bird and the rhino but a frog and tarantula seems incredibly unlikely. Maybe the frog isn't tasty to the tarantula and gets protection of sorts? Or meal leftovers?
Google the frog-spider thing and apparently it's called a commensal relationship and exists among a number of different frogs and spiders in various places.
When living in Himachal Pradesh, India, for 6 years all the tiny rooms I lived in had Hunstman Spiders, a type of Giant Crab Spider, big as my hand. Brown, furry, big fangs, no web, fast as lightning, 7 eyes that I could count (hard not shaking while being that close to them). I was terrified of them. Tried to relax but that visceral fear stayed.
They slept in the day behind any clothes I put on the hook on the wall, behind any towel, picture, pot that was hanging. Once I wrapped a towel around me with a spider inside and noticed the legs peeking out of the fabric. Sheer horror. Occasionally I'd wake up with a swollen lip because they ate mosquitoes above my head while I spet and their poop was toxic when it fell on my face it would cause a painless, golfball sized swelling. When a female gave birth there would be literally hundreds of babies. Boschian nightmare.
Once a 'baby' ('only an inch and a half or so) Huntsman got in my trousers when I was in the outhouse and bit my ass when I pulled the trousers up. Nasty nip but that's all. In Hawaii they're called cane spiders.
To this day 27 years later, when I get out of the shower, I shake my towel automatically, without thinking but because some fear lurks that a Huntsman might be there.
posted by nickyskye at 5:35 PM on May 6, 2007 [12 favorites]
My brother is a part-time cop and a volunteer fireman. He faces down baddies and runs INTO burning buildings. He is also a member of DEMORT and has helped remove bodies at both the WTC and New Orleans after Katrina. He's the bravest man I know.
Spiders make him screech like Carson Kressley in a pair of terrycloth bathing shorts.
posted by ColdChef at 5:44 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Spiders make him screech like Carson Kressley in a pair of terrycloth bathing shorts.
posted by ColdChef at 5:44 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
When living in Himachal Pradesh, India, for 6 years all the tiny rooms I lived in had Hunstman Spiders, a type of Giant Crab Spider, big as my hand.
Ok, I'm usually cool with spiders. Don't really bug me.
But spiders that are the size of my fucking hand? EATING SHIT ON ME WHILE I SLEEP? OH JESUS FUCK NO.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:53 PM on May 6, 2007
Ok, I'm usually cool with spiders. Don't really bug me.
But spiders that are the size of my fucking hand? EATING SHIT ON ME WHILE I SLEEP? OH JESUS FUCK NO.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:53 PM on May 6, 2007
Moonbird - I officially hate you now.
posted by ramix at 5:56 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by ramix at 5:56 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
What is it with you people that you have to leap at any opportunity to ruin my chances for a good night's sleep? And, perhaps more to the point, why do I keep looking?
And WolfDaddy's freaking clock spider was the worst.
posted by ghiacursed at 5:56 PM on May 6, 2007
And WolfDaddy's freaking clock spider was the worst.
posted by ghiacursed at 5:56 PM on May 6, 2007
*meant to type, while I slept, not spet.
The thing is, it was okay the hand sized Huntsman spiders ate mosquitoes above my head, but yeah, when they pooped on me, a tiny white fleck, it caused inflammation. What bugged me the most, nyuck nyuck, was that they were drawn to the kerosene lamp by my bed, when I lay reading at night. And I could hear the tapping of their feet on the adobe floor as they got closer to nail the other little bugs attracted by the light.
Worse than Huntsman but no way as bad as a chicken eating arachnid, were the giant centipedes. They get big enough to eat a mouse. Serious squickiness. Giant Centipede VS Tarantula.
posted by nickyskye at 6:18 PM on May 6, 2007
The thing is, it was okay the hand sized Huntsman spiders ate mosquitoes above my head, but yeah, when they pooped on me, a tiny white fleck, it caused inflammation. What bugged me the most, nyuck nyuck, was that they were drawn to the kerosene lamp by my bed, when I lay reading at night. And I could hear the tapping of their feet on the adobe floor as they got closer to nail the other little bugs attracted by the light.
Worse than Huntsman but no way as bad as a chicken eating arachnid, were the giant centipedes. They get big enough to eat a mouse. Serious squickiness. Giant Centipede VS Tarantula.
posted by nickyskye at 6:18 PM on May 6, 2007
Sure hope these spiders aren't eating those chicken cops that break up bunny brawls, cause if they do there's gonna be a lot of bruised and bloodied bunnies around. And we don't want that.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:28 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:28 PM on May 6, 2007
The centipede looked cool. But I'm still not going camping ever again.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:33 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:33 PM on May 6, 2007
Metafilter: Boschian Nightmare.
posted by tighttrousers at 6:48 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by tighttrousers at 6:48 PM on May 6, 2007
PLEASE DON'T READ THIS. On the next possible Friday you will be kissed by the love of your life. If you don't repost this message in 5 threads, the Chicken-Eating Spider will appear in your bedroom tonight and trounce your face.
Oh, wrong site.
posted by kid ichorous at 6:56 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Oh, wrong site.
posted by kid ichorous at 6:56 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
isitonmeisitonmeisitonmeisitonme?
posted by SassHat at 7:07 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by SassHat at 7:07 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Nickyskye has ovaries like fucking watermelons.
posted by Methylviolet at 7:10 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Methylviolet at 7:10 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
This is great. Now, every time I get the idea in my head that I would rather live in more temperate climes, I can come back to this thread and remind myself of several good reasons to never move.
Or, maybe from now on whenever I hear about hundreds of species going extinct because of the rainforests being cut down, instead of being horrified, I'll just be glad that there are that many less spiders in the world. Ugh.
posted by threetoed at 7:14 PM on May 6, 2007
Or, maybe from now on whenever I hear about hundreds of species going extinct because of the rainforests being cut down, instead of being horrified, I'll just be glad that there are that many less spiders in the world. Ugh.
posted by threetoed at 7:14 PM on May 6, 2007
Erm, because I have erected barriers vis a vis her ovaries and, uhhhm, I was making an ironic reference to {{{***OWWW***}}}
posted by Dizzy at 7:21 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by Dizzy at 7:21 PM on May 6, 2007
I stupidly used something containing bleach to clean the stain, so now I've got a bleach spot on the carpet. Goodbye apartment deposit...
I have only four words for you: Giant Box of Crayola.
Please match your colors carefully in an out of the way spot.
posted by IronLizard at 7:30 PM on May 6, 2007
I have only four words for you: Giant Box of Crayola.
Please match your colors carefully in an out of the way spot.
posted by IronLizard at 7:30 PM on May 6, 2007
Can't sleep. Spider'll eat me.
posted by dirigibleman at 7:42 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by dirigibleman at 7:42 PM on May 6, 2007
something to keep in mind, the burlier the bug, the less is has to rely on venom. tiny and defenseless = venom.
posted by nihlton at 7:53 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by nihlton at 7:53 PM on May 6, 2007
I have a vivid memory, from when I was knee-high to a grasshopper of my grandmother showing me while I was eating a grilled cheese sandwich an enormous spider cradled in her hands so she could set it free outside. Now, whenever I see a really big spider, I want a grilled cheese sandwich.
posted by Huplescat at 8:09 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Huplescat at 8:09 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
because.
posted by longsleeves at 8:26 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by longsleeves at 8:26 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
aw, you guys are very loveable.
Methylviolet, *blush* thanks for the compliment about my ovaries. And Dizzy, how nice of you to be protective, you Supreme Commander of Cake. I love you. :)
The truth is that it wasn't bravery, it was that my Buddhist teachers convinced me to be compassionate towards all living creatures. Talk about good brainwashing. And these humungo spiders were a good exercise in compassion alright, lol. Couldn't muster warm fuzzies for the centipedes though. The squick factor is deeply hard wired there. But didn't kill them, even when they were on the wall by my bed. That's the best I could do.
Living in India was interesting in so many ways. It amused me from day one that the majority of Indians seemed to have peaceful relations with critters of all kinds, insects, monkeys, rats, mice, birds, snakes, everything.
Sitting in a chai shop, wild birds would come in the windows and eat crumbs right off the tables. In many places in India people put out bowls of milk for the highly venomous cobras that wander into their home. (In this article an Indian woman recently married a cobra.) The critters seemed to respond peacefully in kind.
For the decade I lived in India I was never bitten by any of the wild critters (snake, wild rats, centipedes, Huntsmans) that lived in my small home or nearby (bears, wild cats, vipers and other snakes, rhesus monkeys or langurs) and didn't kill any on purpose either. Except mosquitoes, lice and intestinal worms.
It seems from this post that there are people like Spidey Studmuffin, who actually like enormous spiders, handle them like friends, name them Fluffy. Never been able to think of a spider on friendly terms but it's kind of cool that others, who really do have big ovaries and cojones can do that.
posted by nickyskye at 8:28 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Methylviolet, *blush* thanks for the compliment about my ovaries. And Dizzy, how nice of you to be protective, you Supreme Commander of Cake. I love you. :)
The truth is that it wasn't bravery, it was that my Buddhist teachers convinced me to be compassionate towards all living creatures. Talk about good brainwashing. And these humungo spiders were a good exercise in compassion alright, lol. Couldn't muster warm fuzzies for the centipedes though. The squick factor is deeply hard wired there. But didn't kill them, even when they were on the wall by my bed. That's the best I could do.
Living in India was interesting in so many ways. It amused me from day one that the majority of Indians seemed to have peaceful relations with critters of all kinds, insects, monkeys, rats, mice, birds, snakes, everything.
Sitting in a chai shop, wild birds would come in the windows and eat crumbs right off the tables. In many places in India people put out bowls of milk for the highly venomous cobras that wander into their home. (In this article an Indian woman recently married a cobra.) The critters seemed to respond peacefully in kind.
For the decade I lived in India I was never bitten by any of the wild critters (snake, wild rats, centipedes, Huntsmans) that lived in my small home or nearby (bears, wild cats, vipers and other snakes, rhesus monkeys or langurs) and didn't kill any on purpose either. Except mosquitoes, lice and intestinal worms.
It seems from this post that there are people like Spidey Studmuffin, who actually like enormous spiders, handle them like friends, name them Fluffy. Never been able to think of a spider on friendly terms but it's kind of cool that others, who really do have big ovaries and cojones can do that.
posted by nickyskye at 8:28 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
the burlier the bug, the less is has to rely on venom. tiny and defenseless = venom
Not necessarily. Normally (evolutionarily-speaking) a species will develop increased toxicity because it is either competing with a similarly-poisoned animal, or because it is the prey of an animal that is (also evolutionarily) immune to the effects of the active toxin. The connection between "bigness" and venomousness is merely a product of this: if a species can grow large enough to overpower its primary prey, it will either not develop (or lose, in the case of some snake constrictors) the ability to deliver venom. But if the prey can keep up the evolutionary ante, there's no reason to think that sheer size precludes the possibility of extreme poisonousness. Just look at jellyfish: both the chironex flecker and the carukua barnesi are deadly-poisonous, yet the former grows to a couple of feet while the latter is the size of a thumbnail.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:35 PM on May 6, 2007
Not necessarily. Normally (evolutionarily-speaking) a species will develop increased toxicity because it is either competing with a similarly-poisoned animal, or because it is the prey of an animal that is (also evolutionarily) immune to the effects of the active toxin. The connection between "bigness" and venomousness is merely a product of this: if a species can grow large enough to overpower its primary prey, it will either not develop (or lose, in the case of some snake constrictors) the ability to deliver venom. But if the prey can keep up the evolutionary ante, there's no reason to think that sheer size precludes the possibility of extreme poisonousness. Just look at jellyfish: both the chironex flecker and the carukua barnesi are deadly-poisonous, yet the former grows to a couple of feet while the latter is the size of a thumbnail.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:35 PM on May 6, 2007
Where the hell is the EarthDefenseForce tag?
Yes, there are spiders in this game, too. Couldn't find a screenshot.
posted by secret about box at 8:38 PM on May 6, 2007
Yes, there are spiders in this game, too. Couldn't find a screenshot.
posted by secret about box at 8:38 PM on May 6, 2007
Thus officially making a chicken the absolute worst animal to get reincarnated as.
M-mega-Ultra-Chicken? NO! Shhhhh! He is legend!
(Didn't click links. Have no intention to. Ever.)
posted by evilcolonel at 8:52 PM on May 6, 2007
M-mega-Ultra-Chicken? NO! Shhhhh! He is legend!
(Didn't click links. Have no intention to. Ever.)
posted by evilcolonel at 8:52 PM on May 6, 2007
When the poles melt, these will be what eats us.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:53 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:53 PM on May 6, 2007
YouTube in 4... 3... 2...
posted by Count Ziggurat at 8:55 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by Count Ziggurat at 8:55 PM on May 6, 2007
Previously undiscovered because, until now, everyone who has ever seen it has been eaten by it.
I don't think I'll be sleeping well tonight....
posted by cccorlew at 9:03 PM on May 6, 2007
I don't think I'll be sleeping well tonight....
posted by cccorlew at 9:03 PM on May 6, 2007
COVER YOUR EARS SO IT WON'T EAT YOUR BRAIN!
posted by Citizen Premier at 9:05 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by Citizen Premier at 9:05 PM on May 6, 2007
Mikey-San: ask=receive.
Thankyousir.
Also: Fuck spiders.
posted by secret about box at 9:28 PM on May 6, 2007
Thankyousir.
Also: Fuck spiders.
posted by secret about box at 9:28 PM on May 6, 2007
Previously undiscovered because, until now, everyone who has ever seen it has been eaten by it.
I don't think I'll be sleeping well tonight....
You know, I was actually thinking the exact opposite of that. Chicken is delicious, right? So by the transitive property, enormous goddamn spider must also be pretty delicious. It's a logical conclusion; all we need is someone to test it. I can already imagine... you go out for a stroll in the jungle on a sunny morning, catch one for lunch, take it home and season it up, then put the whole fucker on the barbecue exoskeleton and all.
Crunch. Crunch. Yum.
So, anybody else hungry?
posted by tracert at 9:34 PM on May 6, 2007
I don't think I'll be sleeping well tonight....
You know, I was actually thinking the exact opposite of that. Chicken is delicious, right? So by the transitive property, enormous goddamn spider must also be pretty delicious. It's a logical conclusion; all we need is someone to test it. I can already imagine... you go out for a stroll in the jungle on a sunny morning, catch one for lunch, take it home and season it up, then put the whole fucker on the barbecue exoskeleton and all.
Crunch. Crunch. Yum.
So, anybody else hungry?
posted by tracert at 9:34 PM on May 6, 2007
Some years ago, I was catsitting for some friends. I was lying in bed one night, reading, when I thought I heard a sound - a sort of pattering sound. I lifted my head (I was lying on my side), and listened more carefully. I didn't hear anything. I put my head back down, and heard the pattering sound again.
I got a bad feeling.
I turned over very carefully, and turned my head. On the pillow next to the one I was using was a very large (3-4 inches across) spider running towards me. Running.
I leapt out of bed, and it stopped moving. There was so much adrenaline zooming through me that I could stand still, so I ran to the kitchen and rooted around under the sink until I found a can of bug spray. I went back into the bedroom and pretty much emptied the can onto the spider. It took a long time to die.
Once I stopped wanting to throw up, I went to sleep on the couch.
posted by rtha at 9:42 PM on May 6, 2007
I got a bad feeling.
I turned over very carefully, and turned my head. On the pillow next to the one I was using was a very large (3-4 inches across) spider running towards me. Running.
I leapt out of bed, and it stopped moving. There was so much adrenaline zooming through me that I could stand still, so I ran to the kitchen and rooted around under the sink until I found a can of bug spray. I went back into the bedroom and pretty much emptied the can onto the spider. It took a long time to die.
Once I stopped wanting to throw up, I went to sleep on the couch.
posted by rtha at 9:42 PM on May 6, 2007
NUKE IT FROM ORBIT.
posted by casarkos at 9:42 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by casarkos at 9:42 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Man, that Charlotte has really let herself go, hasn't she?
posted by maudlin at 9:56 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by maudlin at 9:56 PM on May 6, 2007
Thank god they haven't evolved wings.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 10:28 PM on May 6, 2007
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 10:28 PM on May 6, 2007
In that first link (the pic), all the other chickens are just hanging out.
I guess they didn't like the gray one anyway.
posted by exlotuseater at 10:46 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
I guess they didn't like the gray one anyway.
posted by exlotuseater at 10:46 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Fucking HELL to the NO!
I havent even clicked any of the links and I already know I'm going to have nightmares.
Some of the stories in this thread are pretty hilarious, though. Nightmare fuel, yes...but funny.
Can you laugh and scream at the same time? Guess I'll find out tonight.
posted by perilous at 10:52 PM on May 6, 2007
I havent even clicked any of the links and I already know I'm going to have nightmares.
Some of the stories in this thread are pretty hilarious, though. Nightmare fuel, yes...but funny.
Can you laugh and scream at the same time? Guess I'll find out tonight.
posted by perilous at 10:52 PM on May 6, 2007
I turned over very carefully, and turned my head. On the pillow next to the one I was using was a very large (3-4 inches across) spider running towards me.
rtha, how did you know it wasn't warning you about a house fire? or missionaries at the front door?
posted by rob511 at 11:16 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
rtha, how did you know it wasn't warning you about a house fire? or missionaries at the front door?
posted by rob511 at 11:16 PM on May 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
Thus officially making a chicken the absolute worst animal to get reincarnated as.
Could be worse. Could be reincarna-- OMG SHIT GIANT SPIDER!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:17 AM on May 7, 2007 [3 favorites]
Could be worse. Could be reincarna-- OMG SHIT GIANT SPIDER!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:17 AM on May 7, 2007 [3 favorites]
I clicked on the comments because I hoped that the chicken eating spider story was being debunked. Instead, I learned that the world is full of horrible, giant, scary, icky spiders.
posted by betweenthebars at 3:17 AM on May 7, 2007
posted by betweenthebars at 3:17 AM on May 7, 2007
It's a funny thing. Most spiders aren't venomous to be a serious issue to humans, and I know how to identify the ones native to my area. So I'm generally the person who shoos the screaming folks away, gathers the spider on some paper (or, if necessary on my hand) and moves it away from the house/tent/crowd. Spiders eat the actually nasty bugs -- they're our friends!
posted by Karmakaze at 5:39 AM on May 7, 2007
posted by Karmakaze at 5:39 AM on May 7, 2007
I did feel guilty about nuking that spider. But it was running towards me! In my bed!
Before I went and found the bug spray, I went and got the cat, and showed the cat the spider. The cat was all, um, no thanks, I just ate, and waltzed out of the room.
Maybe the spider thought I had some chicken? Or was a chicken?
posted by rtha at 6:04 AM on May 7, 2007
Before I went and found the bug spray, I went and got the cat, and showed the cat the spider. The cat was all, um, no thanks, I just ate, and waltzed out of the room.
Maybe the spider thought I had some chicken? Or was a chicken?
posted by rtha at 6:04 AM on May 7, 2007
from the above link:
“The erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort"
O RLY? HAHAHAHA PARIS HAS HARD1 IN JAIL LOLOLOL!
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:38 AM on May 7, 2007
“The erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort"
O RLY? HAHAHAHA PARIS HAS HARD1 IN JAIL LOLOLOL!
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:38 AM on May 7, 2007
"Spiders are our friends."
"The check is in the mail."
"It was like that before I got there."
Heh.
posted by Dizzy at 7:44 AM on May 7, 2007
"The check is in the mail."
"It was like that before I got there."
Heh.
posted by Dizzy at 7:44 AM on May 7, 2007
Also: Fuck spiders.
This thought cannot be italicized or bolded enough.
posted by sparkletone at 9:50 AM on May 7, 2007
This thought cannot be italicized or bolded enough.
posted by sparkletone at 9:50 AM on May 7, 2007
Spiders eat the actually nasty bugs -- they're our friends!
Sometimes the enemy of your enemy is also your enemy.
posted by sparkletone at 10:11 AM on May 7, 2007 [2 favorites]
Sometimes the enemy of your enemy is also your enemy.
posted by sparkletone at 10:11 AM on May 7, 2007 [2 favorites]
Is it weird to be squigged out by spiders, but not tarantulas? The way I see it, tarantulas are clearly my friends, as they are big and fuzzy, whereas spiders are creepy monsters from hell with weird spindly legs that are so tiny at the foot that you can't even feel one on you until you see it.
No. Tarantulas exist, surely, to receive hugs and protect me from the bad spiders, as they weave cute little webs about my apartment with their ridiculous butt-feet.
posted by elr at 11:21 AM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]
No. Tarantulas exist, surely, to receive hugs and protect me from the bad spiders, as they weave cute little webs about my apartment with their ridiculous butt-feet.
posted by elr at 11:21 AM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]
Apparently, American chicken is so dangerous to eat, packed with feces and salmonella that it might kill those gargantuan spiders. Chicken McShitlets. 15% of American chicken consits of "fecal soup". ugh. The spiders can have chicken meat.
posted by nickyskye at 11:33 AM on May 7, 2007
posted by nickyskye at 11:33 AM on May 7, 2007
Dr. Phil is also big and fuzzy but I'd squish him in an instant.
With a dead chicken.
posted by Dizzy at 1:01 PM on May 7, 2007
With a dead chicken.
posted by Dizzy at 1:01 PM on May 7, 2007
nickyskye, I had the same experience in Zimbabwe. Towel spider sucked. I danced the naked dance of horror while screaming "get it off, get it offfffff!!" The towel and clothing shake became a ritual.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 2:33 PM on May 7, 2007
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 2:33 PM on May 7, 2007
I have such a love/hate relationship with these sorts of threads. One one hand, the comments are uniformly hysterical.
On the other hand, I may never stop screaming.
Reminds me of the time I lifted my skirt over my head in the courtyard at work to get the evil spider that crawled up my leg. I ran screaming to the bathroom upstairs, stripped naked, took a sink-shower AT WORK MIND YOU and scratched for a week. Fucking spiders.
*scratch, scratch*
posted by Space Kitty at 2:53 PM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, I may never stop screaming.
Reminds me of the time I lifted my skirt over my head in the courtyard at work to get the evil spider that crawled up my leg. I ran screaming to the bathroom upstairs, stripped naked, took a sink-shower AT WORK MIND YOU and scratched for a week. Fucking spiders.
*scratch, scratch*
posted by Space Kitty at 2:53 PM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]
Now that it's morning in Wellington, I can report that this thread did actually give me nightmares. Beady, shiny black spider-eye nightmares.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 3:54 PM on May 7, 2007
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 3:54 PM on May 7, 2007
Space Kitty, I am the same way. Open the links to the what I know are going to be pictures that will squick me out because I have to see, and then I hate myself for looking.
Damn you spiders. Oh and don't start with forming family units and having pets just to show you are just a regular guy, spiders because I know you want to eat my face.
Oh and also, from a caption above: spiderlings. Is that supposed to be cute. Duckling yes, spiderling, GAH!
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 3:55 PM on May 7, 2007
Damn you spiders. Oh and don't start with forming family units and having pets just to show you are just a regular guy, spiders because I know you want to eat my face.
Oh and also, from a caption above: spiderlings. Is that supposed to be cute. Duckling yes, spiderling, GAH!
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 3:55 PM on May 7, 2007
Belle O'Cosity, I danced the naked dance of horror while screaming "get it off, get it offfffff!!" The towel and clothing shake became a ritual.
"the naked dance of horror", yup, that's the dance alright. Thanks for the validation Belle. Zimbabwe, huh. Were you there long? What were the spiders like? Huntsman too?
Interesting fact about Huntsman spiders that makes the experience more intense, when one is doing The Naked Dance of Horror, "They also tend to exhibit a "cling" reflex if picked up, making them difficult to shake off and much more likely to bite." A cling reflex means they stick like a suction cup while one is rippling with heebie jeebies and squealing.
John Bokma says in his arachnophile blog, "It's a very odd feeling when a tarantula walks on your arm, the legs almost feel sharp, like they are making scratches." These non web-making spiders have special tootsies that make it uncomfortable when walking on one's skin.
posted by nickyskye at 5:49 PM on May 7, 2007
"the naked dance of horror", yup, that's the dance alright. Thanks for the validation Belle. Zimbabwe, huh. Were you there long? What were the spiders like? Huntsman too?
Interesting fact about Huntsman spiders that makes the experience more intense, when one is doing The Naked Dance of Horror, "They also tend to exhibit a "cling" reflex if picked up, making them difficult to shake off and much more likely to bite." A cling reflex means they stick like a suction cup while one is rippling with heebie jeebies and squealing.
John Bokma says in his arachnophile blog, "It's a very odd feeling when a tarantula walks on your arm, the legs almost feel sharp, like they are making scratches." These non web-making spiders have special tootsies that make it uncomfortable when walking on one's skin.
posted by nickyskye at 5:49 PM on May 7, 2007
elr, i'm inclined to agree with you...spindly legged things with evil looking eyes, bad...
tarantulas...big enough to see coming and not likely to cause more harm than skin inflammation from their fuzziness.
posted by StrangeTikiGod at 7:50 PM on May 7, 2007
tarantulas...big enough to see coming and not likely to cause more harm than skin inflammation from their fuzziness.
posted by StrangeTikiGod at 7:50 PM on May 7, 2007
nickyskye writes "hen living in Himachal Pradesh, India, for 6 years all the tiny rooms I lived in had Hunstman Spiders, a type of Giant Crab Spider, big as my hand. Brown, furry, big fangs, no web, fast as lightning, 7 eyes that I could count (hard not shaking while being that close to them)."
Adds India to the list of places I'm not even going to consider visiting.
posted by Mitheral at 8:09 PM on May 7, 2007
Adds India to the list of places I'm not even going to consider visiting.
posted by Mitheral at 8:09 PM on May 7, 2007
"...like the coffee beans that've been pooped through a cat/whatever."
"What the hell?" I thought, and dutifully googled.
I'll take the spiders any day.
posted by flotson at 9:09 PM on May 7, 2007
"What the hell?" I thought, and dutifully googled.
I'll take the spiders any day.
posted by flotson at 9:09 PM on May 7, 2007
Oh yeah nicky, the spiders sound like they are in the same family (?) very flat and the size of your palm, hide behind things like pictures on the wall, only come out super fast to grab the mozzys and gnats. It took me a while to accept that it was good to have them in my room. They are your friend until you find one crawling on your ass.
I was in Zim for a year, I was an exchange student there many years ago, when it wasn't a hell hole.
That wasn't my most scary spider though. The first day fresh from the airport I came to my host family's house and they showed me to my room. Above the door was a spider the size of my fist, it was dark brown and fuzzy, not flat. They called that one a hunter spider. They said it ate mice but I shouldn't worry about it because it was just passing through. Then they left me in the room to unpack. That meant I had to leave the room at some point WITH THE SPIDER STILL THERE ABOVE THE DOOR, uh so how could I leave my room? I soon learned not to be to crazy about spiders. It's funny to me because after I came back to the States I was not afraid of spiders for a while, but now it is totally back. I can't stand them.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 11:16 PM on May 7, 2007
I was in Zim for a year, I was an exchange student there many years ago, when it wasn't a hell hole.
That wasn't my most scary spider though. The first day fresh from the airport I came to my host family's house and they showed me to my room. Above the door was a spider the size of my fist, it was dark brown and fuzzy, not flat. They called that one a hunter spider. They said it ate mice but I shouldn't worry about it because it was just passing through. Then they left me in the room to unpack. That meant I had to leave the room at some point WITH THE SPIDER STILL THERE ABOVE THE DOOR, uh so how could I leave my room? I soon learned not to be to crazy about spiders. It's funny to me because after I came back to the States I was not afraid of spiders for a while, but now it is totally back. I can't stand them.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 11:16 PM on May 7, 2007
melorama, that eating tarantulas in Cambodia video *blew my mind*. No way! I've seen some things in my life but that is astounding.
Belle O'Cosity, your comment gave me the first good laugh of the day, thanks. I can just imagine you unpacking, first day there, with a fist-sized spider and the hosts all chipper about it. Like don't look at the monster a few feet away, in your bedroom. just pay it no mind. Riiiiight. Sure. It ate mice. Yikes. That thing had to be incredibly fast.
Neat you were there for a year though. Fortunately for me, half of India came to live in NYC, so it feels nicer here than before. There's an inner reservoir of joy I experienced in India that's still inside me here in America. Did Zimbabwe give you that too? Apart from the nightmare spiders.
posted by nickyskye at 7:53 AM on May 8, 2007
Belle O'Cosity, your comment gave me the first good laugh of the day, thanks. I can just imagine you unpacking, first day there, with a fist-sized spider and the hosts all chipper about it. Like don't look at the monster a few feet away, in your bedroom. just pay it no mind. Riiiiight. Sure. It ate mice. Yikes. That thing had to be incredibly fast.
Neat you were there for a year though. Fortunately for me, half of India came to live in NYC, so it feels nicer here than before. There's an inner reservoir of joy I experienced in India that's still inside me here in America. Did Zimbabwe give you that too? Apart from the nightmare spiders.
posted by nickyskye at 7:53 AM on May 8, 2007
oh, and just adding to the squick facor of this thread, now my skin is crawling. there's a starfish flower thing that lives on the sea floor, a crinoid. ewww.
posted by nickyskye at 9:49 AM on May 8, 2007
posted by nickyskye at 9:49 AM on May 8, 2007
Everything outside of my house is scary.
posted by Dizzy at 11:00 AM on May 8, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Dizzy at 11:00 AM on May 8, 2007 [1 favorite]
Why did I click on the image. I had successfully avoided this thread for days, why today?
Cause I'm a damn fool, that's why.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 8:21 PM on May 9, 2007
Cause I'm a damn fool, that's why.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 8:21 PM on May 9, 2007
« Older Dog sees God | The strangest 107-year-old calendar you're ever... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by wigu at 3:45 PM on May 6, 2007 [2 favorites]