We're Your New Gods
May 12, 2007 8:35 PM   Subscribe

John Petrucci of Dream Theater is pretty much amazing. His gear can control the heat of the sun. Additionally, Yngwie is your new God.
posted by KevinSkomsvold (48 comments total) 21 users marked this as a favorite
posted by pyramid termite at 8:54 PM on May 12, 2007

Hahahahaha! I'm favoriting this so I can be sure to locate it quickly and post it as a comment on any and all future guitar wankery threads on MeFi.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:00 PM on May 12, 2007

Yngwie is your new God

I believe it's traditionally spelled Yahweh. (Alternatively, YHWH.) Yngwie is a nice try, though.
posted by LeLiLo at 9:04 PM on May 12, 2007

In my opinion, this doesn't cut the mustard.
posted by _aa_ at 9:14 PM on May 12, 2007

" ... and now back to 5 million."

It's the new 11.
posted by itchylick at 9:16 PM on May 12, 2007

I absolutely can't believe Dream Theater fans. I work for their new label and those fans are as rabid as they come.
posted by Captaintripps at 9:33 PM on May 12, 2007

Yep, I'm one of 'em.*

Dream Theater is the new Rush.

* And I'm all a-twitter about the new album coming out June 5th. Octavarium is their best work yet; I hope they continue the trend.
posted by LordSludge at 9:40 PM on May 12, 2007

How fast you can play has nothing to do with how well you can play music. These guys have nothing to say musically, and verbally they expose themselves as total egomaniacs.

Sorry, someone had to state the obvious, and I happened to come across this thread in its infancy.

I'm afraid these guitarists are too far gone in their rock god fantasies to ever discover the purpose and power of real musicianship.
posted by kozad at 9:40 PM on May 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Dream Theater is the new Rush.

Pistols, sirrah! At dawn!!!
posted by jonson at 9:41 PM on May 12, 2007

"This is an industrial wanker. It can project a spot on the moon! Or at closer range, cut through solid metal."
posted by anthill at 9:57 PM on May 12, 2007

Kozad speaks the truth.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 10:04 PM on May 12, 2007

What's egomaniacal about believing you are invincible? If they say they are, they probably are. And they seem to be, right?
Warning: If you're eating or drinking anything, dubbing on Yngwie (who?!) may forcefully eject it out of your mouth or nose.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 10:27 PM on May 12, 2007

kozad, uh, isn't the voice in the video dubbed over? I mean I guess I shouldn't be talking when I'd never even heard of the guy but I'm pretty sure this is a deliberate parody.
posted by LogicalDash at 10:37 PM on May 12, 2007

How fast you can play has nothing to do with how well you can play music.

So you're saying Yngwie can't play music well? Thin ice my friend, thin ice.
posted by MikeMc at 10:40 PM on May 12, 2007

kozad, uh, isn't the voice in the video dubbed over? ...I'm pretty sure this is a deliberate parody.

This message brought to you by the Department of Duh. Calling attention to the obvious since... well, since a long time now.

You know us: we're conveniently located next door to Some People Just Don't Get Parody, Inc.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:52 PM on May 12, 2007

This music strikes in me a strange feeling much like that of the most devious of serial murderers. One gets a sense for the awe-inspiring singleness of mind and focus, but at the same time you must recognize a horrendous crime against humanity when you see one.

Oh yea, the videos are hilarious. Thank you!
posted by basicchannel at 11:37 PM on May 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

Dude. KevinSkomsvold, man, what's going on here exactly?

I was down when you wanted some country picken' tab.

I am on record as being enthusiastically in favor of your gorgeous turquoise Telecaster complete with Mother-Of-Toilet-Seat pickguard, even when it needed some Lemon Pledge to the fretboard.

I was dubious, yet tried to encourage your creativity, when you wanted to daisy-chain your Voodoo Labs Sparkle Drive into another distortion pedal a la Stevie Ray Vaughn.

But dude. John Petrucci? Yngwie?

Man, take it from me. I went through the whole Yngwie thing. I could play Far Beyond the Sun note-perfect. And believe me when I say, the return on investment is simply not worth it.

No one told me. But I'm telling you. Consider this your intervention - you're at the crossroads, and the devil's trying to send you down the wrong path. Don't listen to him.

I kind of miss being able to play Far Beyond the Sun, actually. DS-1 into a Mesa Mark IIC+ - there's nothing quite like it.
posted by ikkyu2 at 11:55 PM on May 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

On second thought, this thread caused me to find this.

I don't know whether to thank you or kill you.
posted by ikkyu2 at 12:15 AM on May 13, 2007

I promoted an Yngwie concert once.
He left 700 people waiting for over an hour listening to uninteresting classical music just because he could. Man were they pissed.

These guitarists love hearing themselves play, and their wives love the paycheck at the end of the night...
posted by blastrid at 1:05 AM on May 13, 2007

I bought a used Dream Theater CD once, because the title and cover art reminded me of Neil Gaiman's Sandman series and the character Morpheus. Took it home, gave it a listen -- or tried. I couldn't take it. The gist of the CD was


I take it out every couple of years and try again, just to see if, in the process of growing up, I might get it. It hasn't worked yet.
posted by po at 1:30 AM on May 13, 2007


Um, wasn't that the gist of Sandman? I'm not seeing the false advertising, there.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:31 AM on May 13, 2007

Also, the videos are, as advertised, hilarious. Thanks.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:32 AM on May 13, 2007

I don't see the point in declaring that a musician has "nothing to say musically" - it's incredibly arrogant. Yngwie himself says shit like that, and it makes me wish a candiru fish would jam itself in his dick.

I enjoy Dream Theater and a few other "prog" bands. I'm definitely not a rabid fan - though some of my friends are. Fanboys of anything are pretty terrifying.

I grew up listening to the soundtracks of Konami's Nintendo games, and DT's music is basically the most indulgent, complex videogame soundtrack ever. A lot of other types of music can also scratch that precise mathematical itch, but sometimes I just want to rock out while masturbating to circles of fifths in 15/16 time.

They've also been a gateway to various other artists I may never have discovered - and sometimes, even music theory structures I hadn't considered. As a young composer, I value both of those things.

Once progressive metal starts being about elves and magical trees, though, my eyes glaze over and I pop in some Oscar Peterson.

Oh, who am I kidding. YFBS. Let's be ANGRY ON THE INTERNET. B==CANDIRU==D
posted by jake at 2:54 AM on May 13, 2007 [5 favorites]

Dream Theater is art in the same sense that the paintings of topless barbarian women in a D&D manual are art.

Their next album is to be the story of a clan of otakukin fighting a war of expression with the corrupt adepts of the Berklee hand percussion society. Can the human reincarnation of Akira ever hope to best Jocko Nimblyfingers in a 12/7ths Afropop rendition of the Genesis classic 'Land of Confusion?' Can he invoke the eternal spirit of Fripp in time to save music from the pentatonic bomb? Can faith in a murky prophecy give him the courage to take this battle microtonal?! Everything will come clear in the epic 40 minute conclusion titled "Valhalla Fist, Shambhala Heart!"
posted by bunnytricks at 3:16 AM on May 13, 2007 [8 favorites]

When I was 14 or so, I was on a trip to New Mexico with the boy scouts. Waiting for our Amtrak connection in a small town we wandered over to the 7-11 to get some snacks for the return trip. There on the street in front of the 7-11 was an RV with tour posters for Alcatrazz. I knew that Yngwie had just "quit the band" and mentioned him to them. The band members had been pretty cool to that point but turned quickly. "Fuck that dude...we kicked his ass out," and sped away while flipping us off.

Ah, metal history. What a metal Me Fi weekend!
posted by zerobyproxy at 5:53 AM on May 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

This is so full of win.
posted by arimathea at 7:35 AM on May 13, 2007

Heheh ikkyu2. Now you're scaring me!

Count me as a big fan of both Petrucci and Malmsteen. Although they play completely different styles than I do (and amazingly well) I can admire the technical skill involved.
I love the videos, not so much because they slap Ywgwie and Petrucci in the face, but because they make fun of the posturing involved.

DS-1 through a Mesa? Woah.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:50 AM on May 13, 2007

Haven't heard any of the later stuff, but I still think Awake is a great album :) Too much 4/4 rots the brain.
posted by BishopsLoveScifi at 8:19 AM on May 13, 2007

This was pretty damn funny. I wonder how they got mathowie to do the Petrucci voiceover.
posted by micayetoca at 10:51 AM on May 13, 2007

And the yngwie link about the airplane incident is priceless.
posted by micayetoca at 10:58 AM on May 13, 2007

bunnytricks, you're barking up the wrong tree. There are plenty of bands who fit that description, but it's misapplied here. I can't believe I'm defending fucking Dream Theater, but the whole "Maybe this is art to YOUR neanderthal palate, but I am more sophisticated" attitude drives me NUTS.

"Fantasy" art makes me queasy - I pulled facial muscles scowling through Lord of the Rings, and the words "Robert Jordan" make me break out in a cold sweat - but I wouldn't be so arrogant as to dismiss even D&D paintings artistically, and I wish you wouldn't, either. They don't have significance to us, but they're still valid. I'd still give a dude wearing a dragon print t-shirt a wet willy, but only out of reflex.

Try instead: "x doesn't click with me" or "I don't like y". Insulting other people and trivializing their tastes really sucks.

From what I've seen, Petrucci's playing is a lot more emotive than that of most "super-guitarists", which is why I can tune out the absurd lyrics and just listen to the songwriting. He can play the academic stuff, but he is a very good player when he slows down and gets expressive. I respect versatility a lot.

But yes, the videos are gold. If there's one thing I like about Yngwie, it's that I can point to him if anyone ever calls ME egotistical - shuts them right up. "YOU'VE UNLEASHED THE FOOKING FURY" is the perfect comeback to almost anything.
posted by jake at 11:59 AM on May 13, 2007

I'm pretty sure Tool is the new Rush. But then, Rush is the new Tool.
posted by Eideteker at 2:34 PM on May 13, 2007

Bummer I got in so late on this thread, but here's a similar link poking fun at the guitar wizards of the band Dragonforce.
posted by Demogorgon at 3:42 PM on May 13, 2007

Some people prefer brown sedans to red sports cars. And some people think Mozart has too many notes.
posted by LordSludge at 4:27 PM on May 13, 2007

Mozart had only 17 notes too many. I counted them.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:30 PM on May 13, 2007


I've seen DT now twice at the insistence of a friend (one of their fans). In regards to Petrucci I often quote the line from Amadeus... "There are... too many notes."

Petrucci's playing brings one word to mind... Gratuitous.

Besides, everyone knows that Rush is the new Rush.
posted by thrakintosh at 5:56 PM on May 13, 2007

I have something to say musically.

Specifically: "Yngwie's music is masturbatory pap".
posted by Flunkie at 6:36 PM on May 13, 2007

OK, this isn't the first time I've been fooled by false voiceovers.

I should learn.

Still, Mozart and Charlie Parker played a lot of notes but they were more meaningful...and groundbreaking...than anything Yngwie and his ilk have ever done.
posted by kozad at 6:49 PM on May 13, 2007

"False voiceovers"??? Oh, Jesus Christ... You're kidding? Might I shatter your faith in old Bruce Lee movies as well?

Yngwie has (had?) a ton of talent, but never seemed to make any, um, "music" -- a real dissappointment. I have no problem tossing him to the virtuosity-without-vision wolves.

Petrucci, on the other hand, has a band composed of members of comparable talent. Actually, I'd say the drummer is the most talented of the group, then Petrucci, then keyboards, then bass, then singer, then... well... lyricist... (but, dammit, they have never written a DnD song!) But, yeah, if you prefer a straight 4 timing with blues scale solos and lyrics that repeat "BORN in da USA!!!!" fifty times, you might want to look elsewhere. Monotony RULEZ!!!1!!

And, no, I just listened to the new Rush, and I'm sad to say that... no, Rush is no longer on the cutting edge of progressive rock, hasn't been there since before Presto, and I don't expect them to get back there anytime soon.
posted by LordSludge at 11:15 PM on May 13, 2007

Whatever. When they had to pick the hardsest song for Guitar Hero II, they skipped over Ygnwie, Petrucci, Satriani and Vai, in favor of this one this one. Note that when the original composer, shown here, plays it live, in front of an audience, it is perfect. He overcomes the following obstacles.

1. The song is played entirely with the left hand. using hammer ons and pull offs. Even the chords. (The song segues into another song, played in a more traditionally insane fashion.)

2. He's playing it on an oversized Gibson Les Paul, not some Ibanez with micrometer high action.

3. He is wearing a mask and has a bucket on his head.

That's right, when it comes to guitar, only one guy's licks are finger licking good.
posted by Pastabagel at 9:04 AM on May 14, 2007

Buckethead plays pretty dang well. He unleashes the fucking fury!
posted by Justinian at 12:12 PM on May 14, 2007

Paul Gilbert can burn all these guys with very little effort. He's just too nice to do it, not much ego there at all, plus he likes some actual melody.

And yeah, I was into all those fretburners. Still have a lot of their stuff on vinyl, even. I could only do stuff like that in short bursts tho. Besides, I like playing rhythm guitar with more than two fingers... ;)

Marshall JMP-1/Alesis Quadraverb thru MosValve 500 and 2 G-K 4x12s. :)
posted by zoogleplex at 1:22 PM on May 14, 2007

"Yngwie has (had?) a ton of talent, but never seemed to make any, um, "music""

The scary thing is that I heard Yngwie at one show just back off and play some Jimi Hendrix... and THAT was some of the most amazing playing I ever heard. All of his minor-scale hyperflurrynoting became meaningless to me after I heard him do that; I wished he'd just stop trying to play a million notes a minute and just play some friggin' blues rock. Woulda been soooo much cooler.
posted by zoogleplex at 1:33 PM on May 14, 2007

Yeah, Yngwie covers Spanish Castle Magic pretty often in concert.

One of the things you don't get from these videos is how loud he plays. Not all of those Marshall cabs you see forming a giant wall behind him are active, but quite a few of them are.

Yngwie definitely does his own thing - it's not cookie-cutter repetitive generic music. After 20 years I still get a kick out of it from time to time. Part of what I like is the energy and the enthusiasm and the technical mastery; part of it is watching the reactions of a certain category of people who, for reasons related to their own insecurities, find his music extremely threatening. He attracts the most vociferous and ridiculous haters of any artist I've ever heard of - just as Mozart and Paganini did in their respective days. These little fools spout off at volume and add their own little contribution to the giant clown circus that is the Yngwie J. Malmsteen experience.
posted by ikkyu2 at 2:26 PM on May 14, 2007

Paul Gilbert.. likes some actual melody

Clearly you didn't go to the same Racer X concert I attended.
posted by ikkyu2 at 2:32 PM on May 14, 2007

zoogleplex writes "I like playing rhythm guitar with more than two fingers... ;)

Woah, woah, WOAH! slow down there Beethoven! Baby steps, ok?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:44 PM on May 14, 2007

ROFL... Ah, another George Lynch devotee, eh? :D

"Clearly you didn't go to the same Racer X concert I attended."

Oh, I meant more recently. Racer X was like... 20 years ago! GAH! And had very little to do with melody, hehehe....

I think Yngwie's talent and "fire" are undeniable, he's a phenomenon all to himself, I just kinda wish he'd get out of his "comfort zone" and apply his talent to some different music.

Then again, the old thing about "do one thing and do it really well" applies, I suppose.
posted by zoogleplex at 5:01 PM on May 14, 2007

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