Don't skimp on the lingonberries
January 7, 2008 7:52 AM   Subscribe

Living in a big box store: Comedian Mark Malkoff gave the world Li'l Gn'R, he took the Starbucks challenge, and today, he moves into IKEA in Paramus, N.J., for one week. (This is also news in Sweden.) posted by iviken (33 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
There was a movie about living in a Walmart but the name escapes me. Wasn't very good.
posted by aerotive at 8:01 AM on January 7, 2008

I followed the link and watched part of the video and would like to challenge the use of the word "comedian". Attention-starved hack, more like.

Getting permission to live in IKEA == filming a week-long advertisement.
posted by DU at 8:11 AM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Not a difficult thing to do at all. After all, they have entire apartments set up in the stores. Hopefully they have Dish Network or something.
posted by drstein at 8:14 AM on January 7, 2008

My girlfriend went missing for a few days once. Turns out she was living at IKEA.
posted by chillmost at 8:15 AM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

It would only be about 15 minutes before I made a complete ass of myself by peeing in a non-functioning toilet.

And then maybe 2 days before I did it again. Those little apartments they set up are just so damn convincing!
posted by god hates math at 8:17 AM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

My God, he's going to live in a sheltered place filled with furnishings for an entire week?! Where will he sleep? Where will he sit? Conceptually, I didn't think you could beat "drink a ton of coffee," but wow, man. Just wow.
posted by nanojath at 8:27 AM on January 7, 2008 [3 favorites]

He really is the high prince of pointlessness isn't he?
posted by rhymer at 8:29 AM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Well, the next time this week I lose my shit over people doing really stupid stunts for attention?

I know where to go.

I live close to this Ikea and, you know, punching isn't always bad.
posted by mephron at 8:36 AM on January 7, 2008

Eric's new pad
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:46 AM on January 7, 2008

Oh, and all joking aside, if I could live in an Ikea, there would be no limit to the number of meatballs I would eat.

posted by Faint of Butt at 8:47 AM on January 7, 2008 [4 favorites]

You and me both, Faint of Butt.
posted by at 8:52 AM on January 7, 2008

So, over on MeTa, we continue to be in a complete tizzie over someone's viral marketing techniques, but here on the blue, we are playing right along. This is, after all, nothing but a marketing promotion, regardless of whose idea it was.
posted by beagle at 8:58 AM on January 7, 2008

beagle: "So, over on MeTa, we continue to be in a complete tizzie over someone's viral marketing techniques, but here on the blue, we are playing right along. This is, after all, nothing but a marketing promotion, regardless of whose idea it was."

From what I've read of metatalk it's a given that everything there involves a complete tizzie.
posted by aerotive at 9:04 AM on January 7, 2008

This worthless post was made worthful by the addition of that Eric link. Now THIS is comedy!
posted by DU at 9:09 AM on January 7, 2008

Will he be paying rent? It's going to be better-furnished than some motels I've stayed in, even taking into account the unplugged fixtures.
posted by ardgedee at 9:14 AM on January 7, 2008

Actually, the Eric thing was only funny for about 2 adventures. Still, that's 2 adventures funnier than this Mark fellow.
posted by DU at 9:15 AM on January 7, 2008

Someone hand him a job application.
posted by wfc123 at 9:25 AM on January 7, 2008

The real story isn't in moving into an IKEA, it's moving to Paramus
posted by poppo at 9:28 AM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Is he going to use a real PC to post the daily recap or one of those cardboard ones?
posted by gfrobe at 9:33 AM on January 7, 2008

I'm glad it's only Malkoff who's doing this. Shacking up in an IKEA could've been the most dangerous and death-defying challenge in David Blaine's career.
posted by Smart Dalek at 9:37 AM on January 7, 2008

Comedian, eh? Can he be required to perform stand-up until he passes out? Also, I don't know what's worse, IKEA restaurant food or Domino's. It seems a fitting punishment that he'll be finding that out.
posted by ninjew at 9:38 AM on January 7, 2008

Of course this starts after I leave to come back to LA. At least the store is right across the street from Garden State Plaza.
posted by Derek at 9:55 AM on January 7, 2008

I'm about 5 miles from that IKEA... maybe I'll go visit him.
posted by blaneyphoto at 10:16 AM on January 7, 2008

Meetup at the Ikea? I'm not too far from there, and I've been meaning to pick up something from Ikea...

I can't find the original article, but Readymade magazine had Evan Ratliff pretend his office was in an Ikea showroom.
posted by armacy at 10:35 AM on January 7, 2008

IKEA certainly isn't the worst company out there, but in the spirit of equal time...

The chain buys a quarter of its furniture stock from China, which imports wood from Russia. A recent Washington Post investigation found that even though about half the wood from Russia is illegally harvested, Ikea employs only two foresters in China and three in Russia to track the origins of its wood. A company official acknowledged that the expense of guaranteeing its wood's legality is prohibitive. Ikea has a goal that by 2009, at least 30 percent of its wood will be certified. Currently, only 4 percent of the wood used in its Chinese factories passes that test. (via)
posted by mrgrimm at 10:42 AM on January 7, 2008

Ikea actually has little plastic signs in its non-functional toilets reminding you that they're not real, and directing you to the nearest actual bathroom. I've always wondered whether this was anticipating or responding to a problem.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:48 AM on January 7, 2008

Can't you see? This is an opportunity for entertainment, you Mefites in New Jersey! Remember when David Blaine did that hunger strike and it became London's hobby to taunt him? My favorite was when someone flew a hamburger by on tiny remote-controlled helicopter. Attention seekers of this nature really deserve to have a little bit of added challenge, I think. But... how to break him? HOW?!?
posted by miss lynnster at 10:54 AM on January 7, 2008

a couple years back, a friend of mine requested some help in writing a paper for her Pop Culture class. She'd decided that the best way to embody the spirit of one of the theorists they'd learned about was to put la perruque (I think it's Foucault) in action and have us act out daily living scenes in Ikea's prefurnished rooms. There were about twelve of us in total, and we split into smaller groups and took over a space. Off the top of my head, we had one group playing monopoly, another taking naps in various places, a re-enactment of The Graduate (not the pants-off parts), and a mock cooking show in one of the kitchens.

Of course, none of this was as ridiculous as grabbing a handful of small stuffed toy frogs (roughly two inches across, and plush), sneaking up behind someone and yelling "PLAGUE OF FROGS" while raining said toys down on their head.

Strangely, none of this was an issue, and we took to plague-of-frogging some of the friendlier Ikea folks. They only got shirty when they caught us taking photos, and even then it was more of a "the flashes are bothering other people" and not anything stricter.

We had a lot of fun, and she got an A+ on the paper and I sort of want an excuse to do it again.
posted by heeeraldo at 11:04 AM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

miss lynnster, I can't think of any better way to infuriate a publicity-stunter than to treat him as utterly banal. Pretend that he is a perfectly ordinary Ikea employee. Ask him where merchandise is, or whether something can be acquired in a different color. Complain about the condition of the bathrooms, and ask him if he can send someone to clean it. Be polite and considerate, but in no way acknowledge that he is anything other than a salesperson. See how long it takes to make him crack.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:09 AM on January 7, 2008

MetaFilter: The soft upholstery is made from real kittens, all cute.
posted by anifinder at 12:05 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]

I just realized something very interesting to share with the rest of you: Paramus, NJ has blue laws.

Now for those of you who don't know what those are, basically, it means that on Sundays, business other than food establishments and periodical sellers are closed. This Sunday, he will be trapped in an Ikea, alone, with no one else. No food. Possibly, no water other than what he can get out of the water fountain. They may even lock the bathrooms.

Wow. Next Monday may be one of the funniest things to see in weeks!
posted by mephron at 2:03 PM on January 7, 2008

Cripes. Never heard of this "comedian". He sure seems to have an affinity for big brands for some reason. Seems just a tad convenient to me. I really can't understand why anyone would consider this marketing scheme funny or entertaining.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 8:10 PM on January 7, 2008

The real hardship is that none of that furniture is remotely comfortable.
posted by availablelight at 8:57 AM on January 8, 2008

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