NIMH in iambic pentameter
March 2, 2008 6:43 PM   Subscribe

I kick anyone's ass who says, "Someone has too much time on his hands."
posted by grumblebee at 6:43 PM on March 2, 2008 [1 favorite]

or maybe "I'll kick..."
posted by grumblebee at 6:47 PM on March 2, 2008

I remember when I found out the NIMH actually exists. It was like finding out that there's actually a Death Star, or that hell itself receives taxpayer funds.
posted by moxiedoll at 6:50 PM on March 2, 2008 [7 favorites]


Thanks for the link, this made my night.
posted by spiderskull at 6:55 PM on March 2, 2008

It wasn't until my research had been funded by NIMH for a couple of years that I worked out that it was the same NIMH.

/is kind of dumb, probably shouldn't mention that to her funding body.
posted by gaspode at 6:58 PM on March 2, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh, duh, and thanks grumblebee, this is awesome.
posted by gaspode at 6:58 PM on March 2, 2008

Oh, this is gonna be good. NIMH was one of the first books I remember really reading.
posted by not_on_display at 7:15 PM on March 2, 2008

I have trouble viewing anything related to the Secret of NIMH with an untainted eye knowing as I do of the sub-sub-culture of furries that take masturbating to it VERY SERIOUSLY. One of them once reported another forum I was on to Don Bluth's company (no, I don't know what this was supposed to accomplish) because we were "harassing" her, and the Bluth people were a little perplexed when they were told we weren't the ones illustrating rape fantasies with their copyrighted characters. Then she created an online "role playing game" where her and the NIMH rats fought epic battles against "us", carrying it on for years after everyone forgot about her. NIMH attracts freaks.
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:48 PM on March 2, 2008 [1 favorite]

My inner child is going to TOTALLY IGNORE DecemberBoy's last comment.

Because I loved this book. And I love this. And I'm not going to change my mind.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:58 PM on March 2, 2008

Before you start in reading the whole work, it's useful to take a look at the author's comments : Especially his instructions to "[l]ook for the secret forty-line acrostic, the line of reverse rhopalic, the owl's sonnet-speech, the playful references to Macbeth and other famous Shakespeare plays, and the complete sestina (!) in the fifth act. Don't trip over the thick alliteration, anagrams and puns."
posted by tractorfeed at 7:58 PM on March 2, 2008 [2 favorites]

Nah. Freaks are just highly attractable. It's like how ducklings will bond with the first moving object they see, only with smart bored people and works of fiction.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:00 PM on March 2, 2008 [1 favorite]

I love adaptations like this, they're so creative. My favorite "X done as Y" is this 'lost' act of Hamlet.
posted by flatluigi at 8:15 PM on March 2, 2008 [4 favorites]

Hey, Codehappy! I know her, over the Internet anyway. A very funny, brilliant person. She was even involved in the aforementioned NIMH-porn fracas.
posted by DecemberBoy at 8:30 PM on March 2, 2008

wait... WHAT?

So... NIMH is not only REAL, but the subject of ILLUSTRATED RAPE FANTASIES?

posted by [son] QUAALUDE at 8:39 PM on March 2, 2008

My inner child is going to TOTALLY IGNORE DecemberBoy's last comment.

mine as well
posted by longsleeves at 9:02 PM on March 2, 2008

She was even involved in the aforementioned NIMH-porn fracas.

posted by mwhybark at 9:05 PM on March 2, 2008

Well, it's not so secret anymore, you know.
posted by washburn at 9:10 PM on March 2, 2008

She was even involved in the aforementioned NIMH-porn fracas.


Nonono, not involved like that. She was co-editor of the site that the rat fetishist was trying to call upon the power of Don Bluth to shut down, and received copies of an email she sent to everyone who turned up in a search for NIMH (probably due to this very piece) trying to rally them to the defense of rat-rape.

Sorry, I'll stop derailing this, I thought everyone who'd been around the Internet a while knew that stuff like this went on. You know Rule 34 (There Is Porn Of It)? It was pretty much invented for furry cartoon fetishists. And they take it very seriously. If you have any reaction to them that isn't total agreeing acceptance, such as "beating off to that is pretty goofy", you are no better than the perpetrators of the Holocaust.

Any of you like that old Disney cartoon series Rescue Rangers? Yeah, you'll wanna stay away from that one without SafeSearch filtering enabled as well.
posted by DecemberBoy at 11:01 PM on March 2, 2008

You got /b/ in my Metafilter!
You got Metafilter in my /b/!

No seriously, this is fantastic thank you. I'm going to have to re-read NIMH now, I barely remember it.
posted by Skorgu at 3:26 AM on March 3, 2008

This is fabulous. Thanks so much.
posted by OmieWise at 4:05 AM on March 3, 2008

Someone doesn't have enough time on their hands and we should consider what sort of grants might be available to enable this person to pursue more work in this vein.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:10 AM on March 3, 2008

I wanted to like this, the ambition is laudable, but his introduction was so twee and overwritten I was put off, and when I hit "I have chosen to write a work in a form altogether curious, in which almost nothing has been written in the past century" I realized he was completely ignorant of poetic history (hello, ever heard of T.S. Eliot?), and then I started Act I and hit this:
That I do not foreknow the slightest mall
Which thee or me to task puts; yea, this had
Have crushing weight, or, by Ptolemy's heavens!
My crotchety wrath, upon thee, shall be.
...and it was so badly written and unmetrical and unintelligible ("the slightest mall/ Which thee or me to task puts"? "this had/ Have crushing weight"? WTF?) that I gave up. A for effort, D for execution.
posted by languagehat at 6:33 AM on March 3, 2008

It may be badly written and unintelligible, but I think your sample IS metrical:

That[-] I[/] do[-] not[/] fore[-]know[/] the[-] sligh[/]test[-] mall[/]
Which[-] thee[/] or[-] me[/] to[-] task[/] puts[-]; yea[/], this[-] had[/]
Have[-] crush[/]ing[-] weight[/], or[-], by[/] Ptol[-]em[/]y's[-] hea[/]vens![-] {fem ending}
My crotchety wrath, upon thee, shall be.

We could argue about the last line. It's syllable count is correct, but the stresses fall in non-standard patterns. But that's not odd in blank verse. I can say it several ways that make it work. It works if you you draw out crot chet ee and then take a pause after wrath. Which I think is kind of a cool reading.
posted by grumblebee at 6:52 AM on March 3, 2008

Oh man! My Grade III(?) teacher was amused when I read this thing in a night, spent the next week or two or our in-class reading time doing other things and still obnoxiously answered every question.

Speaking of Don Bluth productions, Dragon's Lair represent!
posted by man why you even got to do a thing at 7:00 AM on March 3, 2008

I watched the Don Bluth movie every afternoon on VHS as a little kid. It's Mrs. BRISBY, and the big secret is in the Lee of the Stone!

Thanks for the link!
posted by madpercolator at 8:23 AM on March 3, 2008

AWE. SOME. Too bad I already have the Bluth version completely memorized. Such a fangirl for NIMH. I spent forever picking out my Sparkly.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:41 AM on March 3, 2008

I like this, but I would give the author a lot more credit if he would just get "thy" and "thine" right. Thine before a vowel, thy before a consonant. It's not hard.
posted by darksasami at 11:17 AM on March 3, 2008

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