May 10, 2001
1:05 PM   Subscribe

Sometimes, the very worst songs get stuck in one's head. I am ashamed to admit that right now it's a bit of europuff from the comely Kylie Minogue, Your Disco Needs You. But that isn't nearly as bad as an unfortunate friend of mine who couldn't stop whistling the Horst Wessel Lied after seeing a documentary about Nazi Germany. When does a guilty pleasure become, well, too guilty?
posted by tranquileye (22 comments total)
How about that world-uniting song from Pepsi, "The Joy of Cola"? (As sung by B. Spears or not). Sometimes I wish my head was optional.
posted by argybarg at 1:23 PM on May 10, 2001

Commercial jingles are definitely the worst for getting stuck in my head. Lately it's that one for Mitsubishi cars "Put The Body In Motion".
posted by briank at 1:28 PM on May 10, 2001

I actually overheard some teenage girls in Target singing "The Joy of Cola." Only they apparently knew just the one line, which they kept repeating over and over, and worse, they'd got the line they knew wrong. They were singing it as "The Joy of Pepsi." Well, I guess Pepsi would be glad to hear their branding worked, even if those aren't the words to their jingle.

Me, I wanted to throttle them... and then go have a cool, refreshing Pepsi.
posted by kindall at 1:30 PM on May 10, 2001

darn you...just by reading about this "...woh oh oh , heaven let your light shine down..." by whoever-that-was is stuck in my head. *sigh* hate that song.
posted by th3ph17 at 1:33 PM on May 10, 2001

Kindall, I'm ashamed to admit I know this, but the "joy of cola" is now "The Joy of Pepsi". (ugly Pepsi site link) I bet this was done because Coke still uses the word "cola" in their name from time to time, whereas Pepsi really doesn't.

The Joy of Stupid Jingles.
posted by hijinx at 1:47 PM on May 10, 2001

Reminds me of the 'Cheese Wars' we have at work sometimes. A coworker and I vie to see who can come up with the absolute worst song, either via Napster or CD.
Last time we played, I thought I had him on the ropes with "You Needed Me" by Anne Murray, but I had to admit defeat when he pulled out "All By Myself".
posted by black8 at 2:03 PM on May 10, 2001

When it was Coke which was inflicting this sort of thing on the world in its then-current ad, "I'd like to sing the world a song, in perfect har-mo-neee" etc. etc., it generated a first-rate parody (thanks, I think, to the National Lampoon) whose words I can remember long after the original words have been wiped:

I'd like to give the world a hug
and tell it jokes 'n' stuff
and pull its pants down to its knees
and chase it throught the rough
and tie it up with bonds and straps
and check its purse for change
and leave it out at Moose Grin Hall
with IGOR (who's deranged.)

posted by jfuller at 2:08 PM on May 10, 2001

I'm not convinced that "All By Myself" is a worse song than "Shannon" by Henry Gross.

Shannon is gone
I hope she's drifting out to sea
She always loved to swim away
Maybe she'll find an island
With a shaded tree
Just like the one in our backyard

Shannon is a dog, by the way. A dead dog.
posted by aaron at 2:11 PM on May 10, 2001

The place I like to go to outdo a competitor in the bad song challenge is T.V. Theme songs...

Get this one stuck in all your friends ears..

Silver Spoons

Here we are, face to face
A couple of Silver Spoons. Hopin’ to find, we’re two of a kind Making a go, making it grow. Together, we’re going to find our way. Together, taking the time each day.
To learn all about those things you just can’t buy.
Two Silver spoons together.
You and I together (We’re going to find our way)
You and I together (We’re going to find our way)
You and I together.

posted by darkpony at 2:38 PM on May 10, 2001

I hate to play, because I know it hurts, but...

Having my baby
You're having my baby
My baby is having my baby
Only God knows how much I love you
Having my baby
You're having my baby
My baby is having my baby
Only God knows how much I love you

Despite this, I still have Raspberry Beret stuck in my head for the third hour straight.
posted by frykitty at 2:44 PM on May 10, 2001

About a year ago, I apparently fell into complete insanity for one night and spent several hours on Napster downloading as many old TV theme songs I could think of.

It got especially wacky after all the usual suspects were picked up. What a rush to think you're spent just before you remember "Mr. Belvedere."
posted by Mrmuhnrmuh at 2:54 PM on May 10, 2001

Thanks for the ammo, aaron. If I can find that song and combine it with "Feelings", I should be able to take Johnny out quickly!
posted by black8 at 2:55 PM on May 10, 2001

Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he's a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.

But they got, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story
Everybody finds a way to shine,
It don't matter that you got not alot
So what,
They'll have theirs, and you'll have yours, and I'll have mine.
And together we'll be fine....

'Cause it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.
Yes it does.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.

Of course, to get the full effect of these hideous monstrosities, we need links to the songs themselves as well, not just the lyrics. "Shannon" is much much worse when you actually hear his long high-pitched wails at the end of almost every line.
posted by aaron at 2:57 PM on May 10, 2001

I had to learn the Horst Wessel when I was in The Night of the Iguana as one of the Germans. A year later I caught myself singing it, having completely forgotten what it was other than a catchy song - and for once, I was glad that America is so crazily monolingual...
posted by mimi at 3:06 PM on May 10, 2001

the worst part is, that different strokes theme made alan thicke a ton of money.
posted by elsar at 3:51 PM on May 10, 2001

There is no tune more insidious than the Hampsterdance.

Btw, the song in those Mitsubishi Eclipse ads is "Start the Commotion," by The Wiseguys.
posted by Aaaugh! at 5:04 PM on May 10, 2001

Europuff?! That's OUR (.au) Kylie, thank you very much (unlike 'our' Jason - the poms can keep him).
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:27 PM on May 10, 2001

Frykitty, you are evil -- that's *my* "Worst Song of All Time!!!"

Anyway, kiddeez, you can get all the heinous songs you want all in one CD -- "'70s Party Killers," from Rhino Records. Here's a track listing:
Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree -- Dawn
The Night Chicago Died -- Paper Lace
Billy, Don’t Be A Hero -- Bo Donaldson & The Heywoods
(You’re) Having My Baby -- Paul Anka with Odia Coates
Playground In My Mind -- Clint Holmes
Feelings -- Morris Albert
Sometimes When We Touch -- Dan Hill
The Candy Man -- Sammy Davis, Jr.
Afternoon Delight -- Starland Vocal Band
Torn Between Two Lovers -- Mary MacGregor
Escape (The Pina Colada Song) -- Rupert Holmes
Muskrat Love -- Captain & Tennille

I play this when I'm in the mood for some good baaaad music... Enjoy!
posted by metrocake at 6:58 PM on May 10, 2001

Theme songs that get stuck in your head: what about the theme from "Sanford and Son"? I've been stuck on that one for six years.
posted by amyscoop at 7:21 PM on May 10, 2001

obiwanwasabi, Kylie has lived in London for the past ten years... :-)
posted by tranquileye at 7:26 PM on May 10, 2001

Don't forget the theme from "Barney Miller..."
posted by metrocake at 7:32 PM on May 10, 2001

Hey, I saw REM do "Barney Miller" one time. It was c00l.
posted by rodii at 7:58 PM on May 10, 2001

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