Godspeed, Kaycee Nicole
May 15, 2001 1:29 PM   Subscribe

Godspeed, Kaycee Nicole Kaycee Nicole passed away May 14, 2001. RIP
posted by tomcosgrave (68 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
dear God, what happened? I've been out of town. last I saw she was out of the hospital.

posted by rebeccablood at 1:31 PM on May 15, 2001

Thanks for posting this, Tom.

I had read Kaycee's blog off and on over the past few months, and I was always impressed with her hope and clarity of thought. I'm kind of at a loss for words, but her spirit was clearly shared through her blog, and we are richer for it.
posted by hijinx at 1:34 PM on May 15, 2001

I've been avoiding her blog since I'm always afraid I'll find out what I'm finding out now. Horribly sad
posted by Outlawyr at 1:40 PM on May 15, 2001

This has been a very sad month all told. My condolences.
posted by feelinglistless at 1:43 PM on May 15, 2001

I wanted to post this, as well, but I was bit scared comments would go awry. I'm glad they haven't so far.

I read her blog from the beginning and was dreading the day I would have to read what was inevitably going to be there. What a beautiful soul she was. I feel honoured to have known her, even from the distant glow of my computer screen.

As trite as it sounds, I hope we can all learn from the example she put forth -- one of grace, dignity and selfless love.
posted by Zosia Blue at 1:45 PM on May 15, 2001

Who? I don't mean to seem insensitive or anything, but a picture of a rose doesn't really clue me in to who this person was.
posted by kindall at 1:48 PM on May 15, 2001

Knowing what happened the last time people here spoke about Kaycee (one person in particular knows who she is), I was also somewhat afraid of making the comment.
But I figure it'd be worth it one way or the other.

I always was pessimistic about Kaycee beating the illness. That sounds bad, but I'm cynical when it comes to cancer - not one of the people I've known with it have survived.
posted by tomcosgrave at 1:49 PM on May 15, 2001

tom: my grandma had breast cancer many years ago (breast removed but no chemo, I don't think) , and next month she'll turn 89.

I think she hit the cancer-free mark 5 years ago or so. so it does happen.

posted by rebeccablood at 1:53 PM on May 15, 2001

To those who haven't seen her weblog before, here is the Living Colours archive. The last entry was yesterday.
posted by waxpancake at 1:57 PM on May 15, 2001

yeah, just saw this a few minutes ago - reading kaycee's site always sort of jarred me out of whatever tiny frustration i might be in, always made me take a moment to appreciate life. she was a very wise, very beautiful young woman and i'd hoped to see her beat the odds.
posted by judith at 2:03 PM on May 15, 2001

Kindall: Try this Living Colours entry from April. What remarkable grace.
posted by rcade at 2:10 PM on May 15, 2001

Hi, everyone.

Thanks, Tom, for posting this -- I'd considered it, but was too cowed. <:(

I'd like to point out that Kaycee did *not* die from cancer. She'd actually beaten the cancer -- the chemo worked -- but in the process of doing so, her liver began to fail. From what I'd gathered in her blog, it seemed important to her to note that she did beat the cancer -- twice -- thus I repeat that here.

I believe information about condolences will be posted here.

I'm so happy she got to see the ocean, and see her home, family and friends one last time.
posted by metrocake at 2:17 PM on May 15, 2001

Ah. I wish they had linked through to her weblog from the rose page. Her own words are the most fitting tribute possible, I'd say.

It must really suck to have such a short life. Makes you appreciate each day more when you think about how few some people get.
posted by kindall at 2:21 PM on May 15, 2001

I've never felt this torn up because of the death of someone I didn't know before, but reading her words was almost too much.

"I made some wishes as I stood there...I hope every one of them comes true. I'm on the top of the world looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find is the love that I've found has put me at the top of the world... "

Kaycee Nicole, I hope you're able to look down from where you are and see MeFi, because you're surely at the top of the world now.
posted by SpecialK at 2:27 PM on May 15, 2001

For such a cruelly abbreviated life, she described her days with an intensity and wonder and acuity, as if seeing an extra colour. Strength to her family.
posted by holgate at 2:28 PM on May 15, 2001

Rest in peace kind, bright, wonderful soul.....

I'm in tears and wishing I could offer you more.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:29 PM on May 15, 2001

wow. that was such a sad entry.

she went out standing on her feet though, knowing that she indeed lived for a time, and that's more than most people are willing to try.
posted by jcterminal at 2:33 PM on May 15, 2001



posted by jkottke at 2:45 PM on May 15, 2001

sending you love and sunshine...
I see you smiling...admit it.
posted by netbros at 2:45 PM on May 15, 2001

I've never felt this torn up because of the death of someone I didn't know before, but reading her words was almost too much.

posted by aaron at 2:57 PM on May 15, 2001

it doesn't matter if you knew her. it only matters if you let her share with you. by reading her journal i let her share with me and i got a sense of the depth of her character, the compassion and caring.

i was by no means a regular reader, but that doesn't matter either. reading the archives for the first time now will allow you the same thing.

i think i'm going to have a lump in my throat for the rest of the day. may we all go with sych clarity and grace.

oh, hey aaron... notice how thise words were in italics? he knew it was from a song, so did she. that she chose them was enough. back off. now's not the time.
posted by o2b at 3:11 PM on May 15, 2001

I won't be traveling alone until I get to the end, but I'll be smiling when I get there. kaycee on April 25th 2001, the first day of her Journey to Home.
posted by nonharmful at 3:13 PM on May 15, 2001

i would sort of timidly click on the bookmark i had for her site, always glad to read the way she saw things...vibrantly...she appreciated Everthing...and yet i was always afraid to go there and find she was gone.

strange thing about very personal blogs, you read them and you feel like you really know the person. i wish i had. going for a walk. can't sit here in my office feeling like this.
posted by th3ph17 at 3:15 PM on May 15, 2001

That last post with the date stamp and the news is at once the saddest and most inspiring thing I've seen in as long as I can remember.
posted by sylloge at 3:15 PM on May 15, 2001

aaron, I realize the song wasn't her words. But the way she used it and the story she told was. I emailed you personally, let's discuss it there and leave it at that.
posted by SpecialK at 3:17 PM on May 15, 2001

I want to be inspired by the life that's lived, but I can't get past the heartbreak of the life that's gone... there is such a terrible tyranny to death.
posted by anildash at 3:22 PM on May 15, 2001

I hadn't had the opportunity to read her blog or know the situation, but upon seeing it today and following the links, and witnessing the outpouring of emotion and sincerity, I am truly touched. I can not imagine having life ended so early. I am glad that she found the strength to smile, to share with us, and to remain resolute in her affirmation of life and joy. Much as I admire all of the .com and biz-plans and VCs that have sparked this information revolution - this, too, is one of the true miracles of the web and the age we live in - thanks MeFi, Ev, and Matt, for enabling us to share these kinds of things. Godspeed, indeed, Kaycee Nicole.
posted by davidmsc at 3:49 PM on May 15, 2001

I almost did as jkottke did. That is the most honorable thing, to virtually bow one's head and silently acknowledge the passing of a most vibrant comet-like life. I will only add this: We must accept the heartbreak. We must acknowledge the tyranny of death. Still, we cannot let that paralyze us. We must aim our faces into the wind, and be inspired by a life's light that while extinguished, lives on in the hearts of those she touched. Celebrate life as she did, yet do so on your own terms, whatever they might be. In that, you will be honoring her memory.
posted by ZachsMind at 4:21 PM on May 15, 2001

What davidmsc said. I can't believe I'm feeling the things I feel, having never known this person, having only bumped into her writing now and again.

It's not any overwhelming sadness... more like a lump in the throat, a heaviness in the chest. And there's not much more I can say.
posted by danwalker at 4:21 PM on May 15, 2001

posted by heather at 4:34 PM on May 15, 2001

I've known KC for a few years. She worked for me as a "host" at collegeclub when she was in High School. She will always be one of my great teachers.

My mind is kinda blurry now. I've smiled today. I've cried uncontrollably. I'm sad and relieved.

I said my final goodbye to her a few weeks ago. She was ready to die. She sent an email less than a week ago to my brother that included:

"...I read ppl's entries or hear strangers talk about there being nothing after you die. I don't believe that's true and I sure hope their wrong... what would be the point of it all if that was the case.

My life's been really good. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out...wish there was more but we don't get to direct that part of it.

I just wanted you to know... I love you and I hope life gives you everything you're hoping for. You've got a great start. I know you've walked with happiness but if you need a little nudge...just check the stars...I'll be winking at you.

sending you love and sunshine
kaycee ;-) "

posted by halcyon at 4:47 PM on May 15, 2001

You've got to imagine that Kaycee's hanging out with Douglas Adams just about now. "Saw the ocean, did you," he's saying. "Big mistake, that. We should never have left the oceans."

And Kaycee is reminding him that if we hadn't left, she wouldn't have had the opportunity to come back and see such a marvelous thing.

At least I have to imagine that. It helps me cope.

Farewell, Kaycee. The world is minus one wonderful warrior today.
posted by bradlands at 5:15 PM on May 15, 2001


I knew Kaycee through Collegeclub.com. We first met on CC in February 1999 during a chat and from the moment that she sent her first email to me I could already tell that she was a very special person--with a beautiful heart and soul.

Over the years we got to know each as we both worked as "community hosts" at CC (on CC I was known as Kanika5). Through laughter, *licks* *hugs* and tears our bond grew and she became a sister to me. On a daily basis our thoughts and prayers were with other--even at times in which we didn't conversate I could still feel her love and nrg all away from the midwest of the Sunflower smiling down on me in the south in the beautiful Palmetto State. Despite everything that she went through regarding the storms that may have raged she kept her head and she kept it up high. Her faith in Christ and strength was a true testimony to holding on to God's unchanging hand at ALL times.

Although she lived in this life for 19 years she embraced all that she had and gave to so many--she inspired and touched and I know that God is honoring her for that right now. She is in his arms right now, walking the streets of gold and on yesterday the God and his angels gained a beautiful precious soul. I will forever be grateful for the lessons and love that Kaycee gave me and I know that we will see in other again in paradise.

"This was her time..
This was her dance
she lived every moment, left nothing to chance
swam in the sea, drank of the deep
embraced the memories of all she could be....
This was her time"
~This is your time @2000 Michael W. Smith

My Soul Sister Kaycee,
I thank you for your friendship, I thank you for embracing and loving me--a bold, black sista from "around the way in the Palmetto state (SC)". I thank you for the lessons you have taught me--you have inspired me and encouraged me to keep and pressing on. I know that while although you may be absent in this life, you are truly present upabove with the Lord. You are a beautiful angel now and I know that you are looking down on each of us right now--forever allowing your sunshine to shine down upon us.

I thank the Lord that I was blessed to know you and I will forever keep our bond written on my heart. The message you shared and heart has left an eternal mark on my heart and I will NEVER forget you. I know that we will meet again only this time in paradise.

I love you my soul sister--always and forever.

Thank you.

Your soul sis, Nika <><

posted by truesolace00 at 5:42 PM on May 15, 2001

Thanks for letting us have a little peek into your life, Kaycee. You're going to be missed muchly . . .
posted by rhesa at 5:48 PM on May 15, 2001

i hope debbie, kaycee's mom, continues with her personal page. as much as i'm sure kaycee's words will inspire many to come, debbie's could inspire those on the other side of illness. i would certainly understand though if she chooses not to.

i want her to know that i (as i am sure others too) care as much for her as i/we care for kaycee.
posted by centrs at 6:37 PM on May 15, 2001

I was fortunate enough to stumble across Kaycee's journal at a time in my life when I needed a special dose of the sunshine she shared with the world. I never met her, I never spoke to her except through AIM and e-mail but she is as special to me as if she were my own daughter. I'll miss her terribly but I have no worries for her because I'm sure that she's free from pain, and if there's anything to karma, she's free from another turn of the wheel.

I do worry about her mom, Debbie, and about Randy. Please keep them both in your thoughts.
posted by coldmarble at 7:52 PM on May 15, 2001

Ooh, nice one tom. try and make us think you care about someone other than yourself..

nothing else to contribute.
posted by justnobody at 10:22 PM on May 15, 2001

"i want her to know that i (as i am sure others too) care as much for her (Debbie) as i/we care for kaycee."

I echo those sentiments as well... it should be against the law to have to bury one of your children. I hope I never have to feel the heartbreak she has right now. I hope every one gives her the time she needs to heal.

I am so incredibly grateful to Randall Vanderwoning for sharing these two incredible ladies with us...

Kaycee had a short amount of time, and she lived it with her eyes wide open and didn't miss a thing. She wrote beautiful entries with vivid details about things we see every day and barely notice, with a childlike awe and wonder.

Her story where she told the little girl she "wanted to be someone's guardian angel when she grew up" made my entire family cry. I managed to hold back all but one tear that managed to sneak out the corner of my eye at work today, when I saw her and Debbie's pages at work today.

... because I felt that's what Kaycee would have wanted.

She taught me a lesson about being brave, fighting to the very end, and living life to the fullest.

She truly was "The Warrior".

PS: Justnobody... If we were in the same room right now, you'd probably be swallowing half your teeth. Was that post even necessary?
posted by EricBrooksDotCom at 10:42 PM on May 15, 2001


I joined just to spread a little sunshine. I've been a friend of Kaycee's (through CollegeClub, I work there) for quite sometime, and she's shared many /lick's and /pounce's with me. (We were a bit crazy..) I will miss her, as will the rest of the world. She's resting with the angels whom she was so often compared to. It's been a tough day, and searching through some *old* Kaycee webpages, I found this gem, that I'll share with you...

For Always

I am a new star shining bright
Above the still and silent night
And as you gaze within ~ you see
My sparkle and vitality ~
A million smiles for you I hold
Sometimes shy; but often bold.
I wink with a mischievous eye
And ponder all the reasons why~
Life is wonderful from my view
As I gaze upon, each one of you.
I'm truly blessed from God above
What can I give you ~ oh dear one~
The warmth and embrace of the sun...
The colours of a poetic rainbow...
The magic in the fallen snow.
How will you remember me?
I am the breeze; billowing the trees
I am the nectar on the vine
Waiting for it's place and time
I am with you for always
I fill the night ~ the golden days
I'm on a mission; perhaps a quest
To share my love and happiness.
If I succeed then I may rest...
In knowing I gave you my best.
This piece of Heaven I behold
Can not be bartered, borrowed or sold
I pass it freely on to you
Hold it dear, as I do too.
For always you have been my light
The one forever within my sight
I am a new bright shining star
And you will see me...wherever you are.

Kaycee Nicole '99'

I'm going to look at the stars now, I will most likely see Kaycee when I do...

Spread the Sunshine.
posted by Chazio at 10:57 PM on May 15, 2001

posted by Zeldman at 12:02 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by aladfar at 12:23 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by Cobbler at 1:56 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by lia at 5:20 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by elfgirl at 5:29 AM on May 16, 2001

may you take your light with you-
posted by mecawilson at 5:57 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by Cavatica at 6:12 AM on May 16, 2001

Shine bright little star.
posted by Tara at 6:54 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by Avogadro at 7:07 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by ratbastard at 7:10 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by liquidgnome at 7:27 AM on May 16, 2001

What an amazing giver of perspective and a proponent of the spirit of carpe diem, that Kaycee. It's a beautiful, warm, sunny day in Minneapolis today, with nary a cloud in the sky, and it makes my heart just burst with joy, because I know it's the kind of day she would have loved. Even with the sorrow of Kaycee no longer being among us, the joy you can find in the smallest of details around you demonstrates the power of her words and the contagious nature of her spirit. Sunshine all around us... damn right Kaycee's got something to do with it, smiling down at us all. Thank you, Debbie and Randy, for helping to share this wonderful spirit with the rest of the world.
posted by evixir at 7:30 AM on May 16, 2001

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
-John Donne
posted by trox at 7:33 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by SpecialK at 8:46 AM on May 16, 2001 [3 favorites]

posted by Calebos at 8:54 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by phooey at 9:00 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by kimb at 9:51 AM on May 16, 2001 [1 favorite]

Kaycee's mom has to do what is probably the most difficult thing she will ever have to do. She had to let God take her little girl home. The day after Mother's Day. I never met Kaycee, or her mom Debbie, but I've been reading her website for the past 8 months. She always affects me in one of two ways: either I smile, or cry.

We have had the privilege of being the host to three baby birds the past two weeks. Barb called me at work on Monday to say that the nest was empty. This was their time to be pushed out of the nest and experience life outside of their safety zone. Monday was also Kaycee's time. She is now experiencing life with God. Much too soon if you are the mom, but some things we will never understand this side of eternity.
posted by catscape at 10:46 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by justgary at 11:21 AM on May 16, 2001

"And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion."
--dylan thomas
posted by jmcnally at 11:26 AM on May 16, 2001

posted by phichens at 12:18 PM on May 16, 2001

posted by meaning at 1:21 PM on May 16, 2001

Eric - yes it was :)
posted by justnobody at 2:02 PM on May 16, 2001

posted by michaelbrown at 2:35 PM on May 16, 2001

"The thing is not to make excuses for the way you behaved - not to take refuge in tragedy - but to clarify who you are through your response to when you lived. If you can't do that, you haven't made your contibution to the future." ~ Timothy Findley, "The Wars"

posted by margaretlam at 8:51 PM on May 16, 2001

God Speed Kaycee.... Thank you.
posted by Kelsey at 10:07 AM on May 18, 2001

I already posted a message on the Jimformation forum, but I also wanted to post here.

I regret that I didn't get to know Kaycee in person. However, I did know her through her blogs. I came across her blog one day when I was having a difficult time. I honestly feel that God put that site there to inspire me and encourage me, and I thank Him everyday for that.

Now that Kaycee's gone to be with God, I can honestly say that I am greatful for her light, her friendship, her inspiration. SHe had more wisdom at 19 than many 40 and 50 year olds I know have. I am just so thankful that she is well at last. I will really miss her though, and my heart is broken for her mother. I am keeping her family in my prayers, and I pray that I will meet Kaycee when I get to heaven.

You know, I heard this song the other day on the radio. It's called One of These Days, by FFH, and it's about heaven. I encourage you to listen to it; it really speaks to me.

Hasta luego,

P.S. Justnobody: No, it wasn't necessary. If you want to air out your personal problems, please do so elsewhere. Thanks! (Sorry folks, couldn't let that go unaddressed.)
posted by Redgie at 7:21 PM on May 18, 2001

I think it's important to add a cross-link here, in case someone finds this thread in isolation in future.

Kaycee Nicole turns out to have been a hoax. The real author has confessed.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 1:05 PM on May 20, 2001

Actually, this is the proper closure link.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 1:35 PM on May 20, 2001

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