Mine? Mine.
March 5, 2009 5:44 AM Subscribe
Wonderful.
I'll admit that I've fed black-headed gulls from my balcony by throwing pieces of bread up towards them, just because it's so awesome to watch them immelmann down from several meters overhead to snap the bread out of the air. Gulls are the talented assholes of the bird world.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 5:55 AM on March 5, 2009 [4 favorites]
I'll admit that I've fed black-headed gulls from my balcony by throwing pieces of bread up towards them, just because it's so awesome to watch them immelmann down from several meters overhead to snap the bread out of the air. Gulls are the talented assholes of the bird world.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 5:55 AM on March 5, 2009 [4 favorites]
Crows are talented assholes too, but trainable talented assholes.
posted by 5imian at 6:01 AM on March 5, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by 5imian at 6:01 AM on March 5, 2009 [4 favorites]
What is this, herring flavored ice cream?
posted by orme at 6:04 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by orme at 6:04 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Crows are talented assholes too, but trainable talented assholes.
TO DO:
Water Plants
Scan in last week's material
Set up lunch
Empty dishwasher
Pick up film
Obtain an invincible army of trained crows
Get milk.
posted by The Whelk at 6:10 AM on March 5, 2009 [11 favorites]
TO DO:
Water Plants
Scan in last week's material
Set up lunch
Empty dishwasher
Pick up film
Obtain an invincible army of trained crows
Get milk.
posted by The Whelk at 6:10 AM on March 5, 2009 [11 favorites]
"Birds Stealing Ice Cream"
Only because ice cream can't fight back.
posted by bwg at 6:13 AM on March 5, 2009
Only because ice cream can't fight back.
posted by bwg at 6:13 AM on March 5, 2009
Obtain an invincible army of trained crows
Homer Simpson tried this, but learned the hard way that crows have a penchant for sweet, sweet eye juices.
posted by bitteroldman at 6:21 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Homer Simpson tried this, but learned the hard way that crows have a penchant for sweet, sweet eye juices.
posted by bitteroldman at 6:21 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
See, we have a colony of about 50 crows living more or less next door, and I have to say after years of observation that they are talented but not assholes. The sequence of bird assholism goes swans>ducks>gulls>cuckoos>other jerk birds>corvids.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 6:37 AM on March 5, 2009 [6 favorites]
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 6:37 AM on March 5, 2009 [6 favorites]
swans>ducks>gulls>cuckoos>other jerk birds>corvids
You forget Canadian Geese, also known by it's more common name, Motherfucking Canadian Geese.
posted by The Whelk at 6:45 AM on March 5, 2009 [7 favorites]
You forget Canadian Geese, also known by it's more common name, Motherfucking Canadian Geese.
posted by The Whelk at 6:45 AM on March 5, 2009 [7 favorites]
orme, "What is this, herring flavored ice cream?"
Maybe, but it's not on the list.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:46 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Maybe, but it's not on the list.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:46 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
That is obviously some way good ice cream stuff they've got there. Birdnip even.
posted by netbros at 6:48 AM on March 5, 2009
posted by netbros at 6:48 AM on March 5, 2009
Maybe, but it's not on the list.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:46 AM
Great. Thanks for taking my lame joke and turning it into a frightening reality.
posted by orme at 6:53 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by cjorgensen at 6:46 AM
Great. Thanks for taking my lame joke and turning it into a frightening reality.
posted by orme at 6:53 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
This reminds me of a road trip that I took with a few friends. We had driven from North Carolina to the California coast in 3 days, and had randomly ended up at Pebble Beach. There were all these seagulls, and we were feeding them so there were a ton around our car. They were so unafraid of people that we could hold up potato chips and they would come down and take them right right out of our hands.
So we get ready to leave, it's my turn to drive. Who's got the keys? I though you had them. Where were they last? Sitting on top of the car. Don't birds like shiny things? Shit. This is before cell phones, and we're thousands of miles from home and have pretty much no money. For probably 10 minutes we're freaking out, one of these stupid birds stole our keys, dumped them in the ocean or added them to its nest, what the hell are we supposed to do? Finally (finally!) there they are sticking out of the trunk lock.
We made it back to NC in 3 more days with no major problems, but I've still never trusted seagulls since then.
posted by Who_Am_I at 6:53 AM on March 5, 2009 [2 favorites]
So we get ready to leave, it's my turn to drive. Who's got the keys? I though you had them. Where were they last? Sitting on top of the car. Don't birds like shiny things? Shit. This is before cell phones, and we're thousands of miles from home and have pretty much no money. For probably 10 minutes we're freaking out, one of these stupid birds stole our keys, dumped them in the ocean or added them to its nest, what the hell are we supposed to do? Finally (finally!) there they are sticking out of the trunk lock.
We made it back to NC in 3 more days with no major problems, but I've still never trusted seagulls since then.
posted by Who_Am_I at 6:53 AM on March 5, 2009 [2 favorites]
Why is it that those birds look like thieving assholes and this one looks so adorable when it steals?
posted by Alison at 6:59 AM on March 5, 2009 [6 favorites]
posted by Alison at 6:59 AM on March 5, 2009 [6 favorites]
This isn't uncommon for seagulls. Uncommon enough that if you watch the seagulls you can see them spying on the target for a while, sizing up the right time to swoop in. Living in Seattle I've seen this happen with sandwiches, salad, and whatever else they can get a hold of.
posted by P.o.B. at 7:04 AM on March 5, 2009
posted by P.o.B. at 7:04 AM on March 5, 2009
Snakes need to get their act together and evolve to have some sort of ice cream cone shaped appendage on their heads! Come on, snakes!
Alternately, ice cream parlors could start selling cones made of live snakes.
posted by orme at 7:12 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Alternately, ice cream parlors could start selling cones made of live snakes.
posted by orme at 7:12 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Alternately, ice cream parlors could start selling cones made of live snakes.
The cold temperature keeps them nice and lethargic as you're eating. Better dispose of them quickly when you're done, though, in the provided receptacle -- the one marked CAUTION: HOT, STICKY, ANGRY SNAKES.
posted by hermitosis at 7:19 AM on March 5, 2009 [17 favorites]
The cold temperature keeps them nice and lethargic as you're eating. Better dispose of them quickly when you're done, though, in the provided receptacle -- the one marked CAUTION: HOT, STICKY, ANGRY SNAKES.
posted by hermitosis at 7:19 AM on March 5, 2009 [17 favorites]
I like the shocked guy who's still holding his hand as if there was a cone in it.
posted by RavinDave at 7:36 AM on March 5, 2009
posted by RavinDave at 7:36 AM on March 5, 2009
From the crisps stealing video, I can't tell you the number of times I've gotten confessions and apologies from jerk birds who steal my snacks by asking them " do you have anything to say" for yourself? In a rich Scottish accent.
My live-in jerk bird though, loves all dairy. The gulls might too, even if it's not herring flavoured. I've tried explaining to our bird that it's a mammalian innovation and that he should back his avian face off my yoghurt or sour cream or glass of milk. But it is an irresistible elixir of creamy goodness and damn the phylogenetic tree. Or so he says.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:44 AM on March 5, 2009 [2 favorites]
My live-in jerk bird though, loves all dairy. The gulls might too, even if it's not herring flavoured. I've tried explaining to our bird that it's a mammalian innovation and that he should back his avian face off my yoghurt or sour cream or glass of milk. But it is an irresistible elixir of creamy goodness and damn the phylogenetic tree. Or so he says.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:44 AM on March 5, 2009 [2 favorites]
how odd that these all seem to be taken by the same camera on the same day. what are the odds that there's some bird ice-cream-theft epidemic at this one pier for long enough that one man can successfully snap photos of it happening so many times?
posted by shmegegge at 8:01 AM on March 5, 2009
posted by shmegegge at 8:01 AM on March 5, 2009
I've had a seagull steal a half-done burger right off a hot grill, 5 feet away from me. Cheered my thieving heart, it did.
posted by Ella Fynoe at 8:11 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Ella Fynoe at 8:11 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
On an apartment scouting trip to Austin last summer, my boyfriend and I encountered what we called, "Those evil birds". Recently we found out that they are Grackles, and invasive non-native species. Every evening around sunset they like to gather downtown and shit on things, as far as I can tell. They even mess with the crows, and tiny finches and sparrows have been almost entirely driven away.
So I propose we train Crows to kill Grackles.
posted by fontophilic at 8:27 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
So I propose we train Crows to kill Grackles.
posted by fontophilic at 8:27 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
uh, Grackles are native to North America, Starlings are not.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 8:38 AM on March 5, 2009
posted by Cold Lurkey at 8:38 AM on March 5, 2009
I like how the "marks" are often not even reacting. No time or just don't care?
Also, the first comment on that page is "made me lol irl". /me roots for seagulls to replace humanity
posted by DU at 8:39 AM on March 5, 2009
Also, the first comment on that page is "made me lol irl". /me roots for seagulls to replace humanity
posted by DU at 8:39 AM on March 5, 2009
The coolest thing I ever saw involving a seagull, was on the ferry from Dover to Calais. Tthis seagull matched speeds with the boat, and I was able to hand it some potato chips. It was really cool.
In Buffalo, they control the seagull problem on the water front by running wires over the tables. It would seem that these wires are enough of a hazard to discourage their thieving aerobatics.
posted by Goofyy at 8:43 AM on March 5, 2009
In Buffalo, they control the seagull problem on the water front by running wires over the tables. It would seem that these wires are enough of a hazard to discourage their thieving aerobatics.
posted by Goofyy at 8:43 AM on March 5, 2009
All birds love dairy.
It's mammal envy.
posted by benzenedream at 8:53 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
It's mammal envy.
posted by benzenedream at 8:53 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Recently we found out that they are Grackles, and invasive non-native species.
Bime by I go hunt grotches in de voods. We go to the garrick now and become warbs.
posted by JHarris at 9:01 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Bime by I go hunt grotches in de voods. We go to the garrick now and become warbs.
posted by JHarris at 9:01 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
You haven't seen animals jonesing for sweet stuff until you've seen vervet monkeys turn into instant junkies the minute they see stewed fruit in syrup.
posted by PenDevil at 9:05 AM on March 5, 2009
posted by PenDevil at 9:05 AM on March 5, 2009
Some years back I got batted on the head by a dive bombing [and thankfully not too large] bird of prey in the campground of an Australian national park as I ate my breakfast. Twice.
Australian wildlife enthusiasts were treated to the sight of this Englishman shouting "you're a bird of prey! You're not supposed to eat fruit toast. Now f**k off and catch a wombat!"
posted by MuffinMan at 9:06 AM on March 5, 2009 [4 favorites]
Australian wildlife enthusiasts were treated to the sight of this Englishman shouting "you're a bird of prey! You're not supposed to eat fruit toast. Now f**k off and catch a wombat!"
posted by MuffinMan at 9:06 AM on March 5, 2009 [4 favorites]
but I've still never trusted seagulls since then.
Wait wait, so you misplaced your keys, through no fault of the seagulls that you brought upon the car and yourself, you eventually found them in a place that no seagull could possibly have put them, and now you distrust them?
posted by shen1138 at 9:32 AM on March 5, 2009
Wait wait, so you misplaced your keys, through no fault of the seagulls that you brought upon the car and yourself, you eventually found them in a place that no seagull could possibly have put them, and now you distrust them?
posted by shen1138 at 9:32 AM on March 5, 2009
so: 10 yrs old, mcdonalds, outdoor patio, horde of sparrows seeming to want something from me. turns out it was french fries. thing is, though, if you gave one a french fry, he'd have to take it to the roof so the others wouldn't steal it. however, french fries are heavy compared to a sparrow and if they grabbed them from the end, would end up flying in spirals and all upside-down and crazy...hilarious!
The sequence of bird assholism goes swans>ducks>gulls>cuckoos>other jerk birds>corvids.
i once had a swan take offense at my shoes (ok, they were flourescent orange platform shoes, but it was the early 90's, whatever) and chase me, hissing and squawking, completely out of central park...about 6 blocks...much to the amusement of many, many onlookers. to much amusement, if you ask me.
posted by sexyrobot at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2009
The sequence of bird assholism goes swans>ducks>gulls>cuckoos>other jerk birds>corvids.
i once had a swan take offense at my shoes (ok, they were flourescent orange platform shoes, but it was the early 90's, whatever) and chase me, hissing and squawking, completely out of central park...about 6 blocks...much to the amusement of many, many onlookers. to much amusement, if you ask me.
posted by sexyrobot at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2009
Wanted to add to the grackle hate, and to hate some additional hate for starlings.
For additional fun, may I recommend snipe hunting? You'll need a flashlight and a gunny sack.
posted by orrnyereg at 9:42 AM on March 5, 2009
For additional fun, may I recommend snipe hunting? You'll need a flashlight and a gunny sack.
posted by orrnyereg at 9:42 AM on March 5, 2009
i once had a swan take offense at my shoes
Ah! So that's the reason. The gulls just wanted Tippi to take off that unflattering frock.
posted by The Whelk at 9:43 AM on March 5, 2009
Ah! So that's the reason. The gulls just wanted Tippi to take off that unflattering frock.
posted by The Whelk at 9:43 AM on March 5, 2009
Wait wait, so you misplaced your keys, through no fault of the seagulls that you brought upon the car and yourself, you eventually found them in a place that no seagull could possibly have put them, and now you distrust them?
posted by shen1138 at 12:32 PM on March 5 [+] [!]
Yes, the world is an unfair place, and first impressions are lasting.
posted by Who_Am_I at 10:19 AM on March 5, 2009
posted by shen1138 at 12:32 PM on March 5 [+] [!]
Yes, the world is an unfair place, and first impressions are lasting.
posted by Who_Am_I at 10:19 AM on March 5, 2009
Yes, the world is an unfair place, and first impressions are lasting.
Tough but fair, works for me.
posted by shen1138 at 11:27 AM on March 5, 2009
When you buy french fries from the fry trucks in front of nathan phillips square in toronto, do not remain in the square to eat them. seagulls will steal them and shit on you.
posted by tehloki at 11:30 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by tehloki at 11:30 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Let me amend your TO DO list -
Obtain an invincible army of trained crows
Crows water Plants
Crows scan in last week's material
Crows set up lunch
Crows empty dishwasher
Crows pick up film
Crows get milk
Lay back.
----
I like giving it back to asshole birds. A gull took a rice cake from our spread at the beach one time and I gave chase - reaaaalll Sssssslooooowwww. Just fast enough so the bird felt pressed, but not fast enough to make him fly off, and yet close enough that he couldn't make the takeoff without being uncomfortably close. So he'd walk a little bit, look at me. Zig and walk a bit. Look back at me. Change direction, walk a bit more. Look back and seem to frown even though the beak is hard. etc. Chased him a good 1/2 mile before he realized "Hey, I'm way way out of my way for this" and dropped the rice cake and flew off cawing angrily at me.
When they're in our space, they're the opportunists. But when I'm at the beach, I've got nothing but time and I'm the one messing with their clock.
Heh heh.
posted by Smedleyman at 12:09 PM on March 5, 2009 [5 favorites]
Obtain an invincible army of trained crows
Crows water Plants
Crows scan in last week's material
Crows set up lunch
Crows empty dishwasher
Crows pick up film
Crows get milk
Lay back.
----
I like giving it back to asshole birds. A gull took a rice cake from our spread at the beach one time and I gave chase - reaaaalll Sssssslooooowwww. Just fast enough so the bird felt pressed, but not fast enough to make him fly off, and yet close enough that he couldn't make the takeoff without being uncomfortably close. So he'd walk a little bit, look at me. Zig and walk a bit. Look back at me. Change direction, walk a bit more. Look back and seem to frown even though the beak is hard. etc. Chased him a good 1/2 mile before he realized "Hey, I'm way way out of my way for this" and dropped the rice cake and flew off cawing angrily at me.
When they're in our space, they're the opportunists. But when I'm at the beach, I've got nothing but time and I'm the one messing with their clock.
Heh heh.
posted by Smedleyman at 12:09 PM on March 5, 2009 [5 favorites]
His. Badass staring contest starts little past half of the clip. May load slowly over atlantic, or not be available at all.
posted by Free word order! at 1:52 PM on March 5, 2009
posted by Free word order! at 1:52 PM on March 5, 2009
haha, makes me lol irl.
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:51 PM on March 5, 2009
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:51 PM on March 5, 2009
Also:
"So cute…..gotta love when birds tske from man(or woman, as case may be)
most are scavengers, after all, ’specialy seagulls…LOL"
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:54 PM on March 5, 2009
"So cute…..gotta love when birds tske from man(or woman, as case may be)
most are scavengers, after all, ’specialy seagulls…LOL"
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:54 PM on March 5, 2009
Good title.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:00 PM on March 5, 2009
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:00 PM on March 5, 2009
No hate for blue jays? They're awful birds. Mean territorial persistent little fuckers. I once spent an entertaining afternoon watching a couple of blue jays dive-bomb a neighbor's dog who had had the audacity to bark at them.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:44 PM on March 5, 2009
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:44 PM on March 5, 2009
Crows infested our backyard one year. Great massive black ravens.
My mother found a carcass in the birdbath -- it was probably a chicken from someone's garbage. The crows, as we learned from reading nature sites, like to store their meat in water and let it rot a while.
This was starting to smell bad and so my mother hosed out the birdbath. One of the crows flew overhead and dropped something even nastier on her. It was a dead fledgling of another species, been dead a while, since it had turned green.
I'd have ice-cream-eating gulls any day.
posted by bad grammar at 4:25 PM on March 5, 2009
My mother found a carcass in the birdbath -- it was probably a chicken from someone's garbage. The crows, as we learned from reading nature sites, like to store their meat in water and let it rot a while.
This was starting to smell bad and so my mother hosed out the birdbath. One of the crows flew overhead and dropped something even nastier on her. It was a dead fledgling of another species, been dead a while, since it had turned green.
I'd have ice-cream-eating gulls any day.
posted by bad grammar at 4:25 PM on March 5, 2009
Remember, birds are really just small dinosaurs, and they're biding their time before they rise up and once take over the Earth.
Ice cream grabbing is a warning shot across the bow.
posted by bwg at 4:54 PM on March 5, 2009
Ice cream grabbing is a warning shot across the bow.
posted by bwg at 4:54 PM on March 5, 2009
I think it's a toss up about which are bigger assholes when it comes to Jurrassic sized birds like geese and swans. In our neighborhood, they built the playground next to a lake. Ok...kinda stupid, but fine, Darwinian rules and all that...but then...they stocked it with swans.
Swans hate children. Swans will chase children. Before I had children, it was really funny.
But the migrating geese? They have no fear. Not of me, not of cars, not of anything. They, unlike the swans, don't form up packs for the express purpose of hunting small children, but they're not adverse to chasing one around for fun if it gets near them. Again...hysterically funny if it's not your kid.
posted by dejah420 at 8:21 PM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Swans hate children. Swans will chase children. Before I had children, it was really funny.
But the migrating geese? They have no fear. Not of me, not of cars, not of anything. They, unlike the swans, don't form up packs for the express purpose of hunting small children, but they're not adverse to chasing one around for fun if it gets near them. Again...hysterically funny if it's not your kid.
posted by dejah420 at 8:21 PM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
« Older “Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the... | Cologne City Archive Disaster Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
And, looking at some of these people, I'm thinking they maybe need birds stealing their ice cream a little more often. Might help 'em slim down a little.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:51 AM on March 5, 2009