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April 1, 2009 5:09 AM   Subscribe

Legends of Zork. Opening today is the latest incarnation of the venerable Zork franchise, a Kingdom of Loathing-style browser game set in the Great Underground Empire. Free to play but does sell 'perks', requires registration.
posted by Sparx (64 comments total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
 
this is an april fools joke, right?
posted by Jon_Evil at 5:12 AM on April 1, 2009


Oh please oh please oh please don't be a prank.
posted by The Giant Squid at 5:13 AM on April 1, 2009


Zwitter.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 5:32 AM on April 1, 2009


Kind of buggy.
posted by schwa at 5:36 AM on April 1, 2009


I just signed up and played a little (I am Batterson) Seems like a good time sink when I have a free couple of mins.
posted by ShawnString at 5:43 AM on April 1, 2009


I need more information. What is Zork, for the layman?
posted by parmanparman at 5:50 AM on April 1, 2009


Zork was one of the first interactive fiction computer games and an early descendant of Colossal Cave Adventure. The first version of Zork was written in 1977–1979 on a DEC PDP-10 computer by Tim Anderson, Marc Blank, Bruce Daniels, and Dave Lebling, and implemented in the MDL programming language. All four were members of the MIT Dynamic Modelling Group.

Which is cut & paste directly from this thing you may have heard of called 'Wikipedia'.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 6:09 AM on April 1, 2009


God I love Zork. Thanks for posting this.
posted by RussHy at 6:10 AM on April 1, 2009


parmanparman: Zork, or Dungeon as it was first known, was one of the first Text Adventure games to run on a mainframe computer, and the first to understand full sentences of player input. It was later converted to 8bit microcomputers, cleverly managing memory and diskspace to fit a great deal of written text into a game that could run on a 48k ram machine at home (like a TRS-80 or Apple II). The original mainframe Dungeon version was split into three thematic games and fleshed out, to form Zork I, II, and III.

There were many sequels and offshoot text adventures, and also graphic adventures such as Zork:Grand Inquisitor, all set against the background of the Great Underground Empire, the history and geography of which increased with each new game.

This is, therefore, the latest use of one of the oldest worlds ever developed for the purposes of computer games, so it's interesting from the aging gaming nerd perspective (by which I mean mine).
posted by Sparx at 6:13 AM on April 1, 2009


Zork is the act of smearing fecal matter or felch on the upper lip of a partner during (or following) various types of anal sex. Some sources claim an equivalent term Stinky Hitler.
posted by swift at 6:21 AM on April 1, 2009


huh. I love Zork and wanted to read others thoughts about this... and hit a comment like that. Nice.
posted by Auden at 6:30 AM on April 1, 2009


Zorkgasm. Yee-haw!
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 6:32 AM on April 1, 2009


Why is (almost) everyone in Zork land white? Fucking White people. And I can't call myself Joe Blarnystone?! Tragedy. Regardless, i'm playing now, and I will destroy you all. Maybe. First I need to sex up the Seth Able in the inn. No wait, wrong game.
posted by chunking express at 6:39 AM on April 1, 2009


Fantastic post title!
posted by Mister_A at 6:43 AM on April 1, 2009 [2 favorites]


If I can't be Xyzzy then I don't want to play.
posted by Spatch at 6:51 AM on April 1, 2009


I registered under my real name, Lord Sexington.
posted by Mister_A at 7:02 AM on April 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


I have a free couple of mins.

That's all you'll get before you have to start stumping up for more coconuts.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:21 AM on April 1, 2009


DAMN YOUR LIES APRIL 1ST!
posted by Artw at 7:23 AM on April 1, 2009


First I need to sex up the Seth Able in the inn.

And it all comes flooding back!
posted by CaptApollo at 7:40 AM on April 1, 2009


Full disclosure: I'm a writer for Kingdom of Loathing. And I don't want anyone to think I'd be so crass as to rag on a new competitor, but... is this all there is? I mean, it's pretty -- really pretty -- but I can't find any content to speak of.

I played two characters worth of turns, and found no story or quests. The monster graphics are pretty sweet, but there's no textual descriptions for them. Even combat itself is purely numbers., and you don't even get any choices of what to do in the fight. The items in your inventory have no descriptions, and the only items there are, are weapons, armor, and vendor-trash which gets immediately sold upon returning to your base -- so, no player economy. The Fanucci cards are interesting, but they don't appear to be tradable with other players. No live chat. Group quests sound possibly interesting, but I can't figure out how to add friends to my friends list (the link seems to be broken), so I got stuck with some random people. Hopefully when I find out what happened (tomorrow?) it'll have some story and not just a spreadsheet.

It's supposed to be Zork! How can it be Zork without any text? How am I going to say HELLO to the SAILOR?

I dunno. It's just my opinion, and like I said I'm trying to be impartial, so I encourage everyone to try it out and see for yourself if you like it... but I think the creators of this have a much different idea of what makes this type of game fun than I do.
posted by rifflesby at 7:44 AM on April 1, 2009 [15 favorites]


Yes, it does get old fast. Now, I will have to check out Kingdom of Loathing!
posted by Mister_A at 7:50 AM on April 1, 2009


Kingdom of Loathing is really quite lovely, and warped, and delightfully wrong. I don't know how involved you are in that project, rifflesby, but thanks for your efforts.
posted by digibri at 7:58 AM on April 1, 2009


If I can't be Xyzzy then I don't want to play.

Nothing happens.
posted by DecemberBoy at 8:07 AM on April 1, 2009 [4 favorites]


Just for other people who are looking for KoL-esque games:

Twelve Sands Fantasy-esque sort of thing.
Twilight Heroes Superhero sort of thing!
posted by Comrade_robot at 8:33 AM on April 1, 2009


"Names longer than 14 characters are not allowed". Hmph. And "Penelope von Skritworth" felt like such a... Zorky... name.
posted by egypturnash at 8:52 AM on April 1, 2009


PvP! Level Grinding! Absolutely no puzzles!

And people complained about Nemesis.
posted by justkevin at 8:54 AM on April 1, 2009


Did we ever get an update from the Mefite who was working on a documentary about the history of Infocom? I wonder if it will ever see the light of day.
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:58 AM on April 1, 2009 [2 favorites]


I used to play Kingdom of Loathing on a daily basis between 2004 and 2006, and while I usually only log in to donate currency to friends, I still think it's neat and recommend it to people. I just don't get into it myself anymore.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:16 AM on April 1, 2009


Activision should use its "A Mind Forever Voyaging" license to do a game where hundreds of players compete to see who is first to realize that Sen. Ryder's Plan is a crock!
posted by Kirklander at 9:22 AM on April 1, 2009 [2 favorites]


Count me in as a bigger fan of KOL than this, for much the same reasons as rifflesby. I've still got a Radio KOL t-shirt from when they first started broadcasting. On the other hand, I can remember playing Kol back when there were wild bugs roaming the land, pre-ascension when a character would devolve into just shoring.

So considering this is early in their cycle, I'm willing to give it a shot. Let's see what they do with it.

(also because I let that early character lapse and I don't want to make that mistake again)

On the other other hand, the Nemesis quest.
posted by Lemurrhea at 9:38 AM on April 1, 2009


I just played for about 20 minutes. Quick summary:

The game consists of clicking on a location on the map, then having a series of "adventures" there.

The game system is very similar to ProgressQuest, but with the addition of a "Continue Adventuring" button after each adventure which lends it a sort of interactivity. Other than that, everything happens automatically with the game giving you a report after the adventure of how things went. No "attack kobold" or "open chest" commands. It's all taken care of for you.

Each "Adventure" costs an "Action Point". You have a limited number of "Action Points" each day, so you can only click that button, say 30 times a day. Unless you want to buy more "Action Points" with "Quendor Coconuts" which can be purchased with "American Dollars".

There are puzzles, the cornerstone of the Zork tradition. According to the FAQ:

There are some puzzles around as well. Don't get too excited or worried. These don't require too much nifty thinking on your part. Your character will either succeed or fail based on a dice roll, just like combat. You can improve your chances by learning the appropriate skills.

The "Don't get too excited" phrase leads me to suspect that the developers of the game are consciously trying to lower the expectation bar. According to this interview with the CEO of the development company, "We've designed it to be the kind of game that sneaks into your soul and steals about 20 minutes of your time."

Which I agree with, except for the sneaks into your soul bit.
posted by justkevin at 9:59 AM on April 1, 2009


I'd say Zork's legacy rests not with this imposter, but in world-building tools like Inform and the variety of original games/stories written using them (if they are sometimes just lame one-room jokes).
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:03 AM on April 1, 2009 [4 favorites]


My joke up thread might have been a bit too obtuse, but this is far more like LORD than it is like Zork. I find it enjoyable, nevertheless, for the same reasons LORD was. It's simple, and doesn't require much time to play. There are quests, apparently, but I didn't explore that stuff before I used up all my action points.
posted by chunking express at 10:15 AM on April 1, 2009


LORD fans may appreciate Legend of the Green Dragon.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:16 AM on April 1, 2009


I have been playing KoL since August of 2004, I love that game and log in every day. This? Not so much. It is missing the main things I like about KoL: the writing and the community. No chat system alone throws it for me. Plus, I like being able to actually choose what I do to a monster, I like being able to read a description of the monster and the content of the fight more than: dice roll, blah blah blah.

Plus the very limited number of adventures per day, that you have to pay to have more, makes it unlikely for me to come back to this much. With KoL they have a donation model and honestly? I have spent way more on KoL in that manner than I would had they charged for additional adventures.
posted by SuzySmith at 10:54 AM on April 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


Yeah, for me Kingdom of Loathing does a much better job of capturing part of what I enjoyed about the original Zork: the off-beat and enjoyable descriptions. It's not just that Legends of Zork lacks text, it's that it lacks the spark of crazed creativity that drove the original series. Kingdom of Loathing is Flood Control Dam #3 and the FrobozzCo items turned up to 11; Legends of Zork is the same turned down to 0.
posted by sgranade at 11:24 AM on April 1, 2009


Well I've been playing KOL longer than any of you. I started so long ago our characters were actual sticks. None of your sissy internet, we played on rocks. And we liked it.

Now get off my lawn.
posted by merelyglib at 12:10 PM on April 1, 2009


Mrh?
posted by Artw at 12:16 PM on April 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


Mrh?

Sorry, all out of syringes.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:31 PM on April 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


I am too drunk to continue playing KoL now.

My character isn't feeling so well either!
posted by Mister_A at 12:40 PM on April 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


I used to play KoL, donated a few times too... I ended up on an assignment away from home or internet for a little over a month and my character was wiped. It was a cool game but I couldn't bring myself to restart.
posted by substrate at 12:49 PM on April 1, 2009


Sorry about that, substrate. Now that our servers and databases etc. are more robust, we've been able to stop wiping inactive accounts. Which doesn't help you much, but at least you won't have to worry about it happening again if you do decide to come back some day.
posted by rifflesby at 1:40 PM on April 1, 2009


People have mentioned the similarities to Kingdom of Loathing and Progress Quest, but it looks more similar to Dragon Tavern in terms of how it plays and is structured.
posted by MindFever at 1:45 PM on April 1, 2009


Kingdom of Loathing is fucking superb. I'm always happy to see it on the blue.

MeFite Hobopolis dive, anyone?
posted by painquale at 1:55 PM on April 1, 2009


How do you find people you know in KoL? Lord Sexington would like to know.
posted by Mister_A at 2:00 PM on April 1, 2009


I thought it was incredibly lame, for the reasons stated above: you just click on a button, and the next screen pops up. Not worth my time, not like the original Zorks were.
posted by ancientgower at 2:12 PM on April 1, 2009


Mister_A*: a "/whois Username" in the chat pane will give you a link you can click to bring up their profile (assuming that account name exists), which will have further links for, for instance, sending them a message. "/help" will pop-up the documentation window with a list of more chat commands, though I'd suggest skipping the "Advanced" list till you're well comfortable -- our new code-guru went on a slash-command bender and you can very nearly play the entire game with chat commands and custom macros now.

* Which is incidentally eponysterical, being the informal name for our donation-acquired currency, the Mr. Accessory.
posted by rifflesby at 2:25 PM on April 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


Thanks rifflesby!
posted by Mister_A at 2:31 PM on April 1, 2009


Wait, Mister_A just started playing KoL today? I always thought that user name was a KoL reference! (A Mr. A is an item you get for donating.) Weird.

By the way, for anyone trying out KoL for the first time today: it's April 1, so there's some April Fool's weirdness going on. Every holiday is active, so you can go trick-or-treating, send valentines, drink green beer and get special drunken stupor adventures, face drunken corpses from El Dia de Los Muertos Borrachos, etc. It's not normally like that.
posted by painquale at 2:32 PM on April 1, 2009


Why is (almost) everyone in Zork land white?

When I played Zork, everyone was green-on-black, actually.
posted by rokusan at 2:33 PM on April 1, 2009 [2 favorites]


Well, I have it ten minutes. It's very pretty. But it's definitely not Zork.
posted by rokusan at 2:37 PM on April 1, 2009


(I gave it ten minutes, rather.)
posted by rokusan at 2:37 PM on April 1, 2009


Did we ever get an update from the Mefite who was working on a documentary about the history of Infocom? I wonder if it will ever see the light of day.

Well, I'm that guy, and the documentary in question is GET LAMP, which has a weblog attached to it called Inventory, where I throw up little tidbits and trivia from time to time.

It'll see the light of day, I finish what I start, and the #1 reason there's been a slight delay was my day job took me from co-administrating a top-20,000 website to co-administrating a dozen top-500 ones. And doing so by assisting both a platform, virtualization and structure switch that... well, anyway, it slowed me up a tad.

My previous documentary took 4 years. I pay for these myself and I do them right. That's all I can say.

If you care, I consider Legend of Zork's relationship with the original Zork series on par with Ed Wood's relationship with Bela Lugosi.
posted by jscott at 3:30 PM on April 1, 2009 [5 favorites]


I'm just not seeing what the hook is supposed to be. It lacks the distinctive prose and interactions of the original Zork series; the "action" consists of clicking and reading about what just happened to you and what you did about it. If for some reason you do enjoy this, you have a limited amount of points per day to play the game. Is this phase one of the game, with more to come later?
posted by mikepop at 5:48 PM on April 1, 2009


If you care, I consider Legend of Zork's relationship with the original Zork series on par with Ed Wood's relationship with Bela Lugosi.

I disagree. Ed Wood knew Bela Lugosi.
posted by justkevin at 6:07 PM on April 1, 2009


Zork - not so much, no. The art is wonderful though.

Another voice here saying that KOL is the king of browser turn-based games. It's so very, very wrong. Hysterically, utterly, absolutely, wrong. I adore it.
posted by dejah420 at 7:22 PM on April 1, 2009


Oh the memories:

Such language in a high-class establishment like this!

A hollow voice says 'fool.'

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.

Your lamp appears a bit dimmer.

At your service!

A hollow voice says 'cretin.'

Clang! Crash! The troll parries.

posted by jeremy b at 10:04 PM on April 1, 2009


I can only hope that the game will be fleshed out with more humor later on. Right now it's pretty bare bones. I paid for some coconuts so I could play longer. I found some hidden areas inside the areas, but I didn't encounter any funny descriptions of monsters or any sort of puzzling at all really.

Even with the simple interface I expected more humor. If they had just made humorous descriptions of attacks which differed for each monster then that would definitely have helped.

Nevertheless, I'll come back and check it out on occasion to see if things improve.

I was introduced to Kingdom of Loathing years ago when I won a KoL T-shirt for getting 14th place in the IFComp. It was definitely funnier. I haven't played in a while, but I paid for a permanent account, so I think I'll go back and check it out again to see what's up.

My only complaint about KoL is that once you cycle through the game (I believe it's called ascending, but my memory is hazy) a few times, the content sort of runs out. I don't know if more content has been added since I last played.
posted by HappyEngineer at 10:37 PM on April 1, 2009


I remember a few years ago, I played a noir themed KoL/Twilight Heroes kind of browser RPG, I wish i could remember what it was called.
posted by cerulgalactus at 12:01 AM on April 2, 2009


Well, I'm that guy, and the documentary in question is GET LAMP.

That title leads me to expect a documentary about the Web 2.0 bubble.

I bet an AskMe could produce 100 funnier titles.

Heck, I'll even start: Twisty Passages.
posted by rokusan at 2:43 AM on April 2, 2009


Heck, I'll even start: Twisty Passages.

...which just so happens to be the name of Nick Montfort's excellent book on the history and cultural scope of Interactive Fiction.

[Your score has just gone up by five points.]
posted by Spatch at 5:35 AM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


Damn, taken already? Okay, how about:

Kill Troll With Sword

You Can't Do That Here

The Jeweled Egg

Invisiclueless
posted by rokusan at 8:08 AM on April 2, 2009


Well, I'm that guy, and the documentary in question is GET LAMP, which has a weblog attached to it called Inventory, where I throw up little tidbits and trivia from time to time.

Thanks for the update, jscott.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:37 AM on April 2, 2009


Yeah, this is essentially KoL with art instead of humor surgically attached to Progress Quest's combat system. Not fun.
posted by flatluigi at 10:28 PM on April 2, 2009


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