The sorcerer must therefore find someone who is willing to take the pants
November 2, 2010 12:20 AM   Subscribe

 
metal...
posted by rainperimeter at 12:22 AM on November 2, 2010


Is this the long game of Metafilter's Icelandic cabal? Pants!
posted by Rumple at 12:41 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Uh, so, Lars, could you eat up a little? I'm going to have to fit into you after you're dead, you know."
posted by klangklangston at 12:42 AM on November 2, 2010


Sounds like the best way to make sure no one challenges the veracity of your magic is to make the spells so weird no one bothers.
posted by Silentgoldfish at 12:52 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


Chapless asses.
posted by pracowity at 1:01 AM on November 2, 2010 [21 favorites]


Huh. My skin suits usually require five or six different victims. Guess I'm doing it wrong.
posted by bardic at 1:03 AM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


WHAT. THE. FUCK. MATT!?
posted by IvoShandor at 1:17 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


It puts the signature on the bottom of page 4 has it signed by the notary public. Or it gets the hose again.
posted by Auden at 3:13 AM on November 2, 2010 [18 favorites]


When I was in Reykjavík last year, there was something about this in the local English-language paper, in a "did you know"-style sidebar. I recall it was written up in a sort of metal-dude voice. It also mentioned keeping coins in the nutsack of the aforementioned trousers, and shamanic spells involving the urine of a guy who had been "partying" for three days straight.
posted by acb at 3:28 AM on November 2, 2010


They called them "corpsepants", though.
posted by acb at 3:28 AM on November 2, 2010


You can buy a necropants shot glass.
posted by Shepherd at 3:30 AM on November 2, 2010




Whoa, Brutal.
posted by piratebowling at 4:27 AM on November 2, 2010


There is a joke in here somewhere about the Icelandic financial crisis, possibly involving the phrase "bad ass", but damned if I can find it.
posted by gingerest at 4:55 AM on November 2, 2010


I was just thinking about how my sheep were not docile. This is timely, thanks!
posted by Mister_A at 5:06 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


I put on my necropants just like anybody else.

First I flay a corpse ...
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:15 AM on November 2, 2010


Butterknot, to ensure butter was not procured through magical means.

I grew up in Wisconsin, so I get the idea of making sure that your dairy has been properly handled, but is this such a problem that a special solution was necessary? Is Iceland full of magical butter-procurers?
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:19 AM on November 2, 2010


Huh. My skin suits usually require five or six different victims. Guess I'm doing it wrong.

That's for a woman suit, this is just pants. For this you don't even need a well in your basement or a basket of lotion.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:20 AM on November 2, 2010


so if you can't win a girl, you turn to your docile sheep. Handy.
posted by runincircles at 5:30 AM on November 2, 2010


As this method was passed down through the centuries and carried by immigrants to the new world, the details were gradually lost.

By the time the believers washed up against the Rocky Mountains, all that remained was the idea that it was necessary first to collect underpants. As many underpants as possible.

It was known that there was a second step that had been forgotten. But many embarked on the project anyway, hoping to reconstruct it as the ritual proceeded, for it was widely accepted that, if this could be done , the third stage, profit, would surely follow.
posted by Naberius at 5:31 AM on November 2, 2010 [13 favorites]


If you want to make your own kittypants (literally; cätbrók) you have to get permission from a living cat to use his fur after he sits on your chair.

After he has been fed you must pet him or use a Furminator onhis back while he sits on a comfortable chair. As soon as you sit on the fur-covered chair the fur will stick to your pants. Consequently the fur will draw disapproving stares and bad dates, as long as the original fur is not removed. To ensure salvation the owner has to convince someone else to adopt the cat before the cat gets Ideas. The cat will thus keep the human-controlling nature for generations.

posted by Greg Nog at 5:55 AM on November 2, 2010 [5 favorites]


A coin must be stolen from a poor widow and placed in the scrotum along with the magical sign, nábrókarstafur, written on a piece of paper.

Finally, a simple explanation of credit default swaps.
posted by condour75 at 6:01 AM on November 2, 2010 [42 favorites]


I put on my necropants and wizard hat?

Ew.
posted by Iosephus at 6:13 AM on November 2, 2010


Norwegian death metal fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter the crotch every six months.
posted by adipocere at 6:25 AM on November 2, 2010


pants in the ground
pants in the ground
looking like a fool with your pants in the ground
posted by orme at 6:51 AM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


Is Necropantser a basic or prestige class?
posted by Verdant at 7:02 AM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


Wow that's different.

On a related note, my sister for some reason is deathly afraid of foxes, so I sent her the anti-fox stave. Me, I like foxes. Don't know what her problem is. She's weird.
posted by caution live frogs at 7:15 AM on November 2, 2010


Is Iceland full of magical butter-procurers?

Iceland does have a booming dairy industry and it does not suffer trifling with its butter. As for magical procurers, depends on if you believe in the elves for whom they moved the road six inches to the left or not. (Seriously. They've moved roads. For elves. Or trolls. I forget which. Maybe both.)
posted by sonika at 7:18 AM on November 2, 2010


Also, just popped into my head out of nowhere:

NECRO! NECROPANTS! I WANT TO WEAR! NECROPANTS! NECRO! NECROPANTS! I WANT TO WEAR NECROPANTS!
posted by sonika at 7:19 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


A joke involving necropants and a sock puppet.

Could be made by someone with more imagination than I.
posted by asok at 8:06 AM on November 2, 2010


I put on my robe and necropants
posted by symbioid at 8:09 AM on November 2, 2010


Why does this not get me weirded out until they get to the coin in the scrotum?
posted by Gungho at 8:21 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


As for magical procurers, depends on if you believe in the elves for whom they moved the road six inches to the left or not.

OK, first, if Elves are stealing the butter, wouldn't the easiest way to avoid magically-procured butter be to not get it from elves? While I generally oppose racial profiling, in this case it would eliminate wasteful spending on staves.

Speaking of poorly thought out governmental action, you live in Rhode island, you have no business mocking anyone's reason for building, not building, or specific placement of a road....
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:27 AM on November 2, 2010


Speaking of poorly thought out governmental action, you live in Rhode island, you have no business mocking anyone's reason for building, not building, or specific placement of a road....

Wasn't mocking. Was simply pointing out the fact that roads in Iceland have been moved due to belief that placing them six inches over would anger some non-human entity. Just sayin'. Not sayin' and judging.

Rhode Island roads though? Man, I judge. I've got some words for whoever designed the traffic "patterns" in East Providence and they go something like this: "Are you TRYING to kill me?!"
posted by sonika at 8:43 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


A couple of other Nábrókarstafur images (NSFW): posing with woman, moldy and/or hairy. That second photo looks like a different pair of pants.
posted by Nelson at 8:43 AM on November 2, 2010


Whywhywhywhywhy...WHY? do I see a "NSFW image here" warning and immediately think, "Come on, how bad can it... (*click*) OH GREAT F%^%&ING DEMONOFDARKNESS IN HOLY HELL!!"

"NSFW"s are now off my list, unless they're immediately followed by words like "Scarlett Johannson" or some similar sculptured suggestiveness.
posted by Mike D at 8:59 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


Is that where the term "coin purse" comes from?
posted by djduckie at 8:59 AM on November 2, 2010


What's wrong with people?
posted by stormpooper at 9:33 AM on November 2, 2010


"NSFW"s are now off my list

Yeah, there really should be two kinds of Not Safe warnings. Do many employers care one way or the other about gruesome material? My impression is that it's sexy pictures that are actually NSFW and that gruesome stuff is just NSBeforeLunch.

posted by pracowity at 9:38 AM on November 2, 2010


I've got some words for whoever designed the traffic "patterns" in East Providence

Maybe we can find a stave that will fix that. Or just skin the lower half of the Legislature...
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:28 AM on November 2, 2010


For those who can't get enough necropants, these Icelandic runes come up as a plot device in an enjoyable (but don't interpret that as profound, or soon-to-be-classic) crime novel, Last Rituals, by Yrsa Sigurdardottir. The central plot is nothing particularly innovative, but Sigurdardottir brings in a lot of interesting bits of old Icelandic culture and concerns of modern Iceland.
posted by whatzit at 10:48 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


If you want to make your own necropants (literally; nábrók) you have to get permission from a living man to use his skin after he's dead.

The most logical sentence I've read all day.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:32 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.
posted by malocchio at 11:38 AM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

I dunno, Iceland seems to have burned a few people in the mid-1600s who might disagree on that.
posted by aramaic at 12:33 PM on November 2, 2010


Finally, something I can wear with my necrocummerbund!
posted by jnrussell at 1:37 PM on November 2, 2010 [5 favorites]


Necroleggings are not necropants.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:45 PM on November 2, 2010 [3 favorites]


These are the nine helms of Ægir that everyone who deals with knowledge cannot do without. Each of them should be used.

That goes without saying.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 3:00 PM on November 2, 2010


is this such a problem that a special solution was necessary? Is Iceland full of magical butter-procurers?

Isn't there something about churned cream not turning to butter for witches? So a witch might use magical means to make it turn to butter, but once that is detected we can burn them anyways.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:23 PM on November 2, 2010


I want to see some provenance on these dang necropants. How did they get all the fiddly bits -- all the toes -- ? if they were working in such deadly secret?
posted by Countess Elena at 5:48 PM on November 2, 2010


I was at the museum in Holmavik last summer, and it was rather intriguing. Sure the necropants are a draw. Visiting kids (esp the 'harry potter types' - oh, you know the kind) loved that part of the display.

But the story I took away - and remains with me still - is about the oppression of poor uneducated people by a few rich families. Unpopular? few friends? it was so easy to accuse someone less popular of sorcery ('BUT HE HAS BITS OF PAPER IN HIS HOME WITH RUNIC SYMBOLS ON THEM!!'). Can't find twelve friends to vouch for you? It's the whipping post for you! Or land holdings taken away, and burned at the stake.

Amazing how many of the men who were burned at the stake were from the Western Fjords. And with each year the ruling families only became richer and more powerful. There's a genealogy tree on the second floor of the museum which is far more impressive than the witchy recreations on the ground floor of the installation (although quite amusing)

The necropants appear to be made of a rubber-like substance, in person this does not look like real skin (or hair on the skin). Don't be fooled by imitators.......
posted by seawallrunner at 5:58 PM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


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