The cake is a lie.

February 18, 2011 10:17 AM

I woke up this morning with a $2000 birthday cake in my living room. It's big. It's red. It says "Paris".

"And its fucking delicious" says Paz, a Los Angeles musician, who apparently crashed Paris Hilton's birthday party and made his way out with an untouched, 70 pound birthday cake.

On a related note, Paris Hilton turned 30.

posted by Mister Fabulous (110 comments total)

Did someone leave the cake out in the rain?
posted by kmz at 10:20 AM on February 18, 2011 [9 favorites]

If I were him I'd probably be a little more careful where I bragged about stealing a $2000 thing from someone rich and famous.
posted by ghharr at 10:22 AM on February 18, 2011 [6 favorites]

Why does the cake have eyes? No wonder nobody ate it.
posted by TooFewShoes at 10:23 AM on February 18, 2011

I don't care if this is bullshit or not this is an entertaining story and I am proud of him for crashing Paris Hilton's party and drinking heavily and stealing the cake. This is how life should be lived.
posted by dubitable at 10:24 AM on February 18, 2011 [31 favorites]

Jeez, that cake is ugly.
posted by LN at 10:24 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Cake.
posted by user92371 at 10:27 AM on February 18, 2011

I'm a hell of a lot more interested in hearing more about that fake Iron Man guy than the cake.
posted by SirOmega at 10:28 AM on February 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

This is how life should be lived

Agree 1,000%. I would be proud to call this man my son-in-law. Forwarding the link to my daughter Paris now.

Best,

Conrad Hilton's son, whatever my name is
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 10:29 AM on February 18, 2011 [38 favorites]

The story is missing a critical detail of how he snuck in. For all we know, he got a proper invitation from his friend and asked to have an extra cake that no one wanted, and decided to use this event to promote his band's facebook page.
posted by amuseDetachment at 10:30 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

No, user92371, the proper response is "Cake".
posted by Old'n'Busted at 10:31 AM on February 18, 2011 [13 favorites]

Hm, I was hoping Laser Beast there was Daft Punk.
posted by everichon at 10:34 AM on February 18, 2011

This just goes to show that confidence and a nod can get you into almost anywhere.
posted by splatta at 10:36 AM on February 18, 2011 [9 favorites]

amuseDetachment: The story is missing a critical detail of how he snuck in.

All you needed was a wristband:

Hollywood is so weird sometimes, it scares me. I always imagined parties like this having more layers of security chekpoints than the white house. Yet all I needed was a red wristband with a "P" on it, and suddenly an army of black-clad mercenaries is hustling me into a mansion the size of a Holiday Inn.

Hollywood is not that weird. A big party isn't really for people who Paris Hilton knows, but to draw attention to how many people know her. Exhibit A: all you needed was a cheap bracelet with a P on it to enter the party.

Why sneak, when you can walk right in with everyone else?
posted by filthy light thief at 10:37 AM on February 18, 2011

Here we have an important lesson which more mischief-makers should learn early on: You will get caught if you look like someone with a reason to worry about getting caught. If you just ask the head of security where the cake is, then go in, take it, walk out with it, and trade nods with him on the way out, no one will even ask questions.

If you try to enact some complex plot or try to hide what you're doing or even say "Yeah hey I'm with the bakery, is the cake supposed to be in there? I need to take it out for a retouch," they'll be on you in half a second. But if you just do it as though it is unquestionably correct that it's what you are supposed to be doing at that moment, you have both the oddly unsuspicious nature of it and the likelihood that the security guy won't want to admit he has no idea who you are or why you're asking.

On preview -

amuseDetachment: Looks like the wristband was the key to getting in, and his friend either had two of them or forged two of them. That, and the attitude mentioned above: He didn't act like someone who was sneaking in, he just walked in. It's also why I'm willing to believe this story is for real - because if it were made up there'd be some kind of brilliant plot behind what he did and he'd have goosed Paris or made out with her or whatever.

Also on preview: Yeah, that laser Tron guy is the real story. I choose to believe that her turning 30 was incidental and the party was actually to celebrate that this guy exists.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:38 AM on February 18, 2011 [9 favorites]

Note: if you're blocking scripts, you won't see the pictures in the FB post.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:38 AM on February 18, 2011

My daughter was invited to a birthday party once where there was a cake out on the counter when we got there. After I picked up my daughter I asked her how the cake was (because I love cake) and she said they didn't have cake. I wonder if Paris' guest felt the way my daughter and I did. A birthday party with a cake that no one got to eat. Maybe laser Ironman took away the sadness.
posted by vespabelle at 10:39 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

He says he crashed the party in Hollywood, yet the article about Paris' 30th birthday says her party was held in New York...

But, hell, if I was Paris I might have 2 parties.
posted by keep_evolving at 10:41 AM on February 18, 2011

vespabelle: it's ok, it seems this was just the backup cake.
posted by Morbuto at 10:42 AM on February 18, 2011

Show up in coveralls with a clipboard and you can get away with anything.
posted by ghharr at 10:43 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Like I realize I just said this exact same thing but really seriously that laser Ironman guy. I've really got no idea how it's possible to give a shit about anything in the world besides him.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:43 AM on February 18, 2011 [13 favorites]

No, user92371, the proper response is "Cake"

Thread worth it for that comic alone...
posted by Ogre Lawless at 10:46 AM on February 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

I probably wouldn't eat that cake without protection.
posted by gagglezoomer at 10:48 AM on February 18, 2011

Please stop talking about that caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake! [slam]
posted by FelliniBlank at 10:50 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

What kind of cake?
posted by jcruelty at 10:52 AM on February 18, 2011

On the subject of freaky cakes with eyes, it might have been some sort of fancy-pants absinthe-flavoured cake. The weird design is a dead ringer for Lucid Absinthe. Or it's quite possible that some lazy overpaid cake design specialist just copied the graphic because it looked snazzy.
posted by Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer at 10:53 AM on February 18, 2011

So he took a cake that they were planning on throwing out anyway? Big deal.

The real crime is that he attended a party with six open bars and yet was apparently capable enough at the end of the night to carry a 70lb cake and place it in the car. IT'S AN OPEN BAR, DUMBASS.
posted by wabashbdw at 10:55 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

It really is true (or at least used to be true) that you can get into any club or party just by carrying a record bag. I never actually tried it because I actually had gigs at these clubs, but security never checked with anyone that I was supposed to be there at any of my gigs. I just said, "yeah, i'm DJing down stairs in 20 minutes" "Okay sir, follow me."
posted by empath at 10:57 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you try to enact some complex plot or try to hide what you're doing or even say "Yeah hey I'm with the bakery, is the cake supposed to be in there? I need to take it out for a retouch," they'll be on you in half a second. But if you just do it as though it is unquestionably correct that it's what you are supposed to be doing at that moment, you have both the oddly unsuspicious nature of it and the likelihood that the security guy won't want to admit he has no idea who you are or why you're asking.

Yeah, also this. I used to walk into VIP areas and get free champagne and meet DJs and bands all the time at clubs. You just need to look like you're supposed to be there. Or have a hot girl with you. Or go to the club all the time so people think you work there.
posted by empath at 10:59 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

A guy I knew in high school claimed he and his friends would sneak into the Kennedy compound and steal their beer.
posted by Jahaza at 11:02 AM on February 18, 2011

When someone does like this, I try to have no problem with the self-promotion of throwing URLs on photos like this, because I understand that's how the Internet works. But it still makes me twitch a little.

However, someone using a stunt involving Paris Hilton for shameless self-promotion is so meta-awesome that the twitch is completely not happening.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:04 AM on February 18, 2011 [7 favorites]

Something something about naked, bodypainted nymphs with Tinkerbell wings something else?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 11:07 AM on February 18, 2011

That guy is like the Lindsay Lohan of cake.
posted by MegoSteve at 11:07 AM on February 18, 2011

I was really hoping this was about Vinnie Paz. It appears to be some other, less batshit Paz.
posted by edheil at 11:08 AM on February 18, 2011

I was really hoping this was about Vinnie Paz. It appears to be some other, less batshit Paz.

I have to be honest, I kind of was too. I was going to say that this isn't something he'd do but the guy is kind of bonkers so I think that crashing a party, stealing a cake and walking out is more or less in line with his whole thing.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 11:13 AM on February 18, 2011

I know Paris Hilton isn't very likable, productive to society, or anything. But stealing cake on someone's birthday? I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Besides, Duncan Heinz is cheap and probably tastes magnitudes better than that fondant and food-dye abomination.
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:21 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

In the news: Terrorist plot to kill Paris Hilton thwarted!
In other news: Apparent gas explosion kills blogger, under investigation
posted by Xoebe at 11:27 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was looking forward to those leftovers...
posted by Paris Hilton at 11:28 AM on February 18, 2011 [15 favorites]

stealing cake on someone's birthday? I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but now that I see it done I got me a right case of the chuckles.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:29 AM on February 18, 2011

relevant
posted by Paris Hilton at 11:30 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

hustling me into a mansion the size of a Holiday Inn.

Psh. Just wait 'til you see the mansion owned by lesser-known hotel heiress Tulsa Holiday Inn. It's the size of a Ritz-Carlton.
posted by The World Famous at 11:34 AM on February 18, 2011 [6 favorites]

I don't know that I would wish it on anyone per se but what I do now is that come morning, all you have is a $2000 cake and Paris Hilton is still the kind of person - for better or worse - who can get Laser Iron Man to show up at her birthday party and as long as that is true of her I don't know how anything can be a loss for her.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 11:35 AM on February 18, 2011

i mean the fucking guy shoots fog as well

and the LEDs change colors

i just
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 11:36 AM on February 18, 2011 [10 favorites]

A guy I knew in high school claimed he and his friends would sneak into the Kennedy compound and steal their beer.

I don't know if it was always true, but there are guards with rifles in the Kennedy compound. It's like a discreet prison yard. You'd be better off stealing the beer from a package store than from the Kennedys.
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:37 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Holy shit, Voldo went Vegas.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:37 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

More info on the laser suit guy:

http://www.kryoman.com/

Clearly the most important part of the story. What did he wake up too?
posted by nutate at 11:43 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

More info on the laser suit guy:

http://www.kryoman.com/

Clearly the most important part of the story. What did he wake up too?

This guy needs a FPP.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 11:46 AM on February 18, 2011

This was last night in NYC ? Walked by cipriani and the place was
closed, I was wondering what was going on, thursday night is usualy wall to wall black SUVs and papparazi. All the NYC publicity hounds were at this thing I guess.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:49 AM on February 18, 2011

More info on the laser suit guy:

http://www.kryoman.com/

...

...they should have sent a poet...
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 11:49 AM on February 18, 2011 [6 favorites]

Are we sure that isn't one of the dancers from the Super Bowl Halftime?
posted by maryr at 11:50 AM on February 18, 2011

Clearly the most important part of the story. What did he wake up too?

I'm not sure, but he apparently disabled embedding of his youtube videos, and then embedded them on his own page.
posted by Paris Hilton at 11:51 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

and the LEDs change colors

i just

Here's a video of him showing him in different colors. Not sure what the lie was.
posted by Paris Hilton at 11:56 AM on February 18, 2011

What did he wake up too?

Mountains of women and cocaine.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 11:58 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also, this is amazing.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 12:01 PM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Astounding. I can't take a moral argument seriously from anyone who jumped at the opportunity to take advantage of Paris Hilton. I don't want to hear ever again about greedy corporations or crooked politicians. You people just showed that you're willing to turn a blind eye when it involves a dimwitted socialite. How does that make Paz any different from those you rail against?







(He has cake)
posted by TedW at 12:05 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Here's a video of him showing him in different colors . Not sure what the lie was.

HAH. I have DJ'd at that club. I played a gig there with Crystal Method a couple of years ago.
posted by empath at 12:05 PM on February 18, 2011

i mean the fucking guy shoots fog as well

That's not like smoke machine fog, that's liquid nitrogen, btw.
posted by empath at 12:07 PM on February 18, 2011

I am comfortable giving my life and service over to Iron Man Laser God.
posted by The Whelk at 12:07 PM on February 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

http://www.kryoman.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/kryoman-mkiii-1024x685.jpg


If you don;t weep with joy over this image...this icon, then you do not understand what we're trying to do here, in this century.
posted by The Whelk at 12:08 PM on February 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

Like seriously, that kind of show is pretty normal for EDM clubs :) fireworks, liquid nitrogen, lasers, etc... That's like an average weekend.
posted by empath at 12:09 PM on February 18, 2011

The iron man led laser guy is cool, but you guys all need to get out to house and trance shows more often.
posted by The World Famous at 12:14 PM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

I don't know if the story is true or not, but it certainly takes the cake.

Really? I'm first on that? This far downthread? Y'all's slippin.
posted by rusty at 12:18 PM on February 18, 2011 [10 favorites]

The iron man led laser guy is cool, but you guys all need to get out to house and trance shows more often.

But then I'm stuck listening to house and trance. Is there any way to get laserdude without fucking tiesto?
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 12:20 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

The iron man led laser guy is cool, but you guys all need to get out to house and trance shows more often.

No no no no no ...laser iron man needs to be set free from house and trance shows and appear at more editoral meetings and state of the union reports.
posted by The Whelk at 12:23 PM on February 18, 2011 [20 favorites]

Go to Ibiza
posted by empath at 12:23 PM on February 18, 2011

Man, that video from the club just made me glad I don't miss being packed into a room with those folks, at all.
posted by maxwelton at 12:33 PM on February 18, 2011

And now it is time once again for The Obligatory Trance Music Anti-Narcissism Awareness PSA
posted by mikelieman at 12:38 PM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Maybe the guy had no bread to eat, Princess Paris offered a solution...
posted by Kabanos at 12:38 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

In my slightly angrier days I used to rant about how dance music turned people into robots. Even had a movie script based on that. Kryodude is making me think I was onto something
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 12:44 PM on February 18, 2011

And now it is time once again for The Obligatory Trance Music Anti-Narcissism Awareness PSA

Obligatory picture of me in mid-Jesus-Pose while DJing trance.
posted by empath at 12:45 PM on February 18, 2011

Or Kryodude is a member of the Black Eyed Peas

Props to the party crasher. Almost posted this story yesterday. Any good party will attract crashers. Guess Paris is no exception
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 12:48 PM on February 18, 2011

Man, that video from the club just made me glad I don't miss being packed into a room with those folks, at all.

I actually like that party a lot. In was one of those places where I could talk my way into the DJ booth pretty regularly and meet DJs -- The first time I met Tiesto was at that party, and I met Deadmau5 there, and Ferry Corsten and I dunno, a bunch more.... The crowd can be kind of guido-y, but usually people are nice. Drinks are ridiculously expensive, and the line to get in is a clusterfuck every night unless you know someone. I'm too old to feel comfortable going there, anymore though... I can't party like I used to.
posted by empath at 12:50 PM on February 18, 2011

Rich idiots like this disgust me. They're rich and they think they should be having fun - more fun than ordinary people - but the only thing they can think of is expensive cake, booze, and circus clowns for entertainment. They don't even have enough real friends to invite to their birthday party.

The only thing that makes this seem a glamorous and enviable life is the security guards who keep us out and make us wonder what we're missing - and imagine something rather better than the reality.
posted by Philosopher's Beard at 12:50 PM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

The only thing that makes this seem a glamorous and enviable life is the security guards who keep us out and make us wonder what we're missing - and imagine something rather better than the reality.

Heh, my sister was asking me about fashion week the other night- if I came to town, could we go to the shows, she asked? No, I told her, they're invite only. "Booo, that sucks." True, but if anyone could go, they wouldn't be cool anymore. She conceded that it was the truth.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:53 PM on February 18, 2011

Rich idiots like this disgust m

Jealous much? Like you wouldn't hire a robot if you had the cash
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 12:58 PM on February 18, 2011

Philosopher's Beard: "but the only thing they can think of is expensive cake, booze, and circus clowns for entertainment. "

Motherfuck what? Laser robot, c'mon, son! Daft punk shooting shit from his hands. His hands shooting rave-style lightshows all up in my face. I love a birthday and goddamn if I ever thought "I need a Tron breakdancing and driving my cat nuts"
posted by boo_radley at 12:59 PM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

This cake has now brought more joy to the world by being stolen - socially engineered out of the room, really, their own fault - than it would have being consumed by people too drunk out of their minds to notice, or too concerned about their shape to enjoy it even during consumption.

I approve.
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 1:00 PM on February 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

We got lingerie, pavillions, a promenade, a breakdancing robot causing permanent eye damage, a cake, another cake, motherfuckin' windmills, columns -- Doric and Ionic -- and wristbands!

That's right, ever single juggalo gets a wristband. * bouncing camera pan on red wristband *

</sugarslam>
posted by boo_radley at 1:02 PM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Jealous much? Like you wouldn't hire a robot if you had the cash

No, not a robot. The depreciate so fast these days. But there'd be hot and cold running chimpanzees...
posted by mikelieman at 1:03 PM on February 18, 2011

This is the most interesting and least sleazy story involving Paris Hilton in years. If I were Paris or her publicist, I'd have given him the cake in gratitude.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:08 PM on February 18, 2011 [6 favorites]

i have another cake-stealing story:
until maybe sometime in my thirties, i was a hopeless, hopeless nerd. and from kindergarten until my junior year, i had another nerd friend. true, in our nerd group, she was like nerd queen, because although she was a nerd we were all becoming aware that behind that nerd getup and thick nerd glasses, she was devastatingly gorgeous.
then: our last year of high school, she crawled out of her nerd cocoon. things began to change for her:
first she dated the baddest boy in her class and came to school covered with hickeys
then she went to the prom and stole the prom cake
then she went on to follow the Dead until Jerry died

there's a lesson in there somewhere, but fuck me if i know what it is
posted by angrycat at 1:21 PM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is the most interesting and least sleazy story involving Paris Hilton in years. If I were Paris or her publicist, I'd have given him the cake in gratitude.

*snif*
posted by Paris Hilton at 1:22 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Jesus fucking christ Paris Hilton is older than I am?

This whole time I assumed she was young and stupid, but apparently I was younger and less stupid! Wtf...
posted by paisley henosis at 1:24 PM on February 18, 2011

then you do not understand what we're trying to do here, in this century

Is the answer 'send giant robots to kill crowds of hipster ravers with flamethrowers'? Because that's a cause I can get behind.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:25 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: there's a lesson in there somewhere
posted by rough ashlar at 1:27 PM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Huh. And I just a couple days ago watched The Great New Wonderful in which Maggie Gyllenhall (in one of the story lines) plays a cake designer who makes a ridiculous (and red) fancy cake for an insufferable spoiled rich girl. Though no one stole that ridiculously expensive cake. Interesting movie, however.
posted by aught at 1:34 PM on February 18, 2011

Is the answer 'send giant robots to kill crowds of hipster ravers with flamethrowers'? Because that's a cause I can get behind.

No. The answer is just "Send giant robots."

It doesn't matter what they do when they show up, as long as they show up.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:45 PM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

hipster ravers

wat
posted by empath at 1:46 PM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

this is why we need the huge laser robots people, to keep some kind of order
posted by The Whelk at 1:52 PM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also: goddamn this is some poorly written copy:

"Paris Hilton held a blowout birthday party on Wednesday night, and she had a few uninvited guests. Who took quite the goody bag. [wtf is this this is not even a sentence] Facebook user "Paz" writes that his friend Kevin told him he was getting into Hilton's 30th birthday bash, and that he could get him in, too [so, many, commas]. The pair fully enjoyed the free drinks and expensive entertainment at the party, and [another comma splice! 50% of these sentences have them!] when they found out one of her cake's [grocers apostrophe?!] would go to waste, they decided they just couldn't stand for it. [wouldn't not couldn't]"

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-
posted by paisley henosis at 1:55 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

http://www.kryoman.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/kryoman-mkiii-1024x685.jpg

If you don;t weep with joy over this image...this icon, then you do not understand what we're trying to do here, in this century.

Just go to Burning Man already. It's still happening.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:59 PM on February 18, 2011

That's not a comma splice because there's a conjunction in there, this is a comma splice.
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:00 PM on February 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

Faint of Butt: That's not a comma splice because there's a conjunction in there, this is a comma splice

Oh really, but I thought this obnoxious combination was a coma splice too.

Either way, grar.

Also, this thread has alerted me to the fact that Paris Hilton's birthday is 48 hours before mine, which is an extra grar ontop of the one I just grar'd.

Grar-dee-grar grar.
posted by paisley henosis at 2:10 PM on February 18, 2011

And you have the same initials. Grar.
posted by The World Famous at 2:18 PM on February 18, 2011

Clearly the most important part of the story. What did [laser robot suit guy] wake up [to]?

Bodypainted drinks-serving nymphs. Smudged ones.
posted by hattifattener at 2:48 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

clearly, laser robot suit man woke up to joy
whatever it was, it was joyous
posted by angrycat at 4:40 PM on February 18, 2011

hipster ravers

Klaxons, MGMT, etc

They're more tolerable than undiluted rave or hipster
music
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 4:55 PM on February 18, 2011

I can't believe I never heard about laser-shooting liquid nitrogen Iron Man from Sven on SNL's weekend update. That has to be "New York's hottest club,"right?!
posted by misha at 5:51 PM on February 18, 2011

So who is the Harris Pilton guy?
posted by cjorgensen at 6:17 PM on February 18, 2011

This kind of thing is easy. I remember being at a concert at I think the Jersey Meadowlands. It was Cheap Trick and Metallica back in the 1990s. I was wearing my black leather motorcycle jacket with all the pins on it. I went there with my friend Jon from work.

We were up in the cheap seats. I decided that I'd go down to the open area on the floor, I guess you'd call it a mosh pit.

A lot of the seats were empty. I told Jon to wait and I started to jump over seats on the far left of the stage. Eventually I got to a guy with a flashlight. I told him that, "My girlfriend had my phone and she was supposed to bring it back, but she never did." I was allowed to go down to the main floor.

When I got there I headed to a corridor. There I saw a guy with a radio and a headset. I walked up to him and said that I was missing my wristband and where the fuck was it?

He started to yell, "Get this man his wristband!"

So I got one and ended up backstage with Cheap Trick and watching Metallica on stage.

I eventually went back upstairs and brought Jon down and got him a wristband also.

We had full access. We ate snacks from a buffet and each took a bottle of Absolut vodka.

Bun E Carlos is really buff, but short.

It's easy boys and girls. Just do it! ;-)
posted by Splunge at 8:20 PM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

I was chatting to a customer relations manager for United Airlines in LA a few years ago and she said

• Yeah, Paris Hilton comes through here all the time.
• She's a lot smaller than you'd think.
• She always seems to be reading architecture magazines, and
• If you actually talk to her, she seems highly intelligent.

So there's a good chance that the heiress to a vast fortune with the best education that money could buy and what appears to be an amazing knack for self-publicity is not actually as stupid as she appears. I think she may dye her hair, too.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:43 PM on February 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

So there's a good chance that the heiress to a vast fortune with the best education that money could buy and what appears to be an amazing knack for self-publicity is not actually as stupid as she appears.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm not sure that intentionally making herself the object of public scorn and ridicule and intentionally making herself the poster child for rich, stupid, and self-centered stereotypes is really all that smart a thing to do, given that she is apparently the heiress to a vast fortune and presumably doesn't really need the money she makes from acting like an ass.
posted by The World Famous at 10:18 PM on February 19, 2011

I'm not sure that she is a figure of ridicule to people in her social circle. In any event, what would you do in her position? Have the world's best stamp collection?
posted by Joe in Australia at 10:36 PM on February 19, 2011

In any event, what would you do in her position?

I could become a well-respected actress and comedian.

Mind you, I don't have any particular beef with Paris Hilton the person, who I'm told is actually pretty charming in person (not in the wink-wink-nudge-nudge way) so much as Paris Hilton the archetype.
posted by dirigibleman at 11:03 PM on February 19, 2011

I'm not sure that she is a figure of ridicule to people in her social circle.

Yeah, I'm not a figure of ridicule in my social circle, either. But I'm also not a figure of ridicule on TMZ. So I've got that going for me, I guess.

In any event, what would you do in her position? Have the world's best stamp collection?

Are you asking what I, personally, would do if I had unlimited money and access to the most exclusive locations and social circles in the world? Or are you suggesting that it's hard to imagine anything better to do in that position than become a sex tape-making reality TV star and do hamburger commercials in a bikini?
posted by The World Famous at 11:06 PM on February 19, 2011

I have no idea why people are so interested in Paris Hilton or the Kardashians or anybody else who makes money off their fame, despite not seeming to have a discernable talent.

I mean, apparently, people love to talk about them, and for some reason keep them in the news. I am more curious about this particular mindset more than some guy stealing a cake.
posted by The ____ of Justice at 12:21 AM on February 20, 2011

Poor people are interested in rich people. Next question.
posted by Splunge at 8:44 PM on February 20, 2011

There are lots of rich people. Why Paris?
posted by The ____ of Justice at 10:45 PM on February 20, 2011

So, here's what became of the cake.
posted by Obscure Reference at 8:57 AM on February 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

Let them eat cake!

Okay then! bring in cake!

yay. Cake.
posted by The Whelk at 9:02 AM on February 23, 2011

There are lots of rich people. Why Paris?

That's a bit like asking "Why Brad and Angelina?" There are a host of reasons. The most important is that she wants to be the focus of national attention and has the resources to command it. Another big one is that she simply shows up to where the cameras are.

Every wondered why Paris, Brad and Cheryl are famous and you're not? An intriguing academic study reveals the answer...
posted by mrgrimm at 11:45 AM on February 23, 2011