Is that a Wiimote in your pocket, or are you just haptic to see me?

February 24, 2011 2:11 PM

Share your Wiimote, share your wife. Ars Technica presents Ubisoft game "We Dare" as a "WTF". Joystiq declares it will "ruin parties for PS3/Wii owners". But North American Puritans need not fear:

As far as we can tell, We Dare is a European exclusive, so American partygoers are safe for the time being.

See the trailer to decide for yourself. Oh, and cue the jokes about vibrating controllers.
posted by anarch (97 comments total)

My face was pretty much a permanent "what" as I was watching the trailer earlier.
posted by kmz at 2:12 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

People are always trying to come up with excuses to have an orgy rather than just getting down to it and having an orgy.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 2:15 PM on February 24, 2011 [62 favorites]

What if you're not into Wii Sports?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:15 PM on February 24, 2011 [15 favorites]

Nobody shares my Wiimote!
posted by mazola at 2:19 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wait, this is real? I saw the trailer linked on Twitter and honestly thought it was just a really bad spoof video.

...and this on the day I learned about Custer's Revenge.
posted by COBRA! at 2:20 PM on February 24, 2011

Yeah. It totally looks like a joke.
posted by delmoi at 2:23 PM on February 24, 2011

As long as they all keep the rubber protective safety sleeve attached.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:25 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh oh yeah baby slap that Wiimote oh oh I love it when you spank the Wiimote in my waisteband...

HAWT.
posted by Lutoslawski at 2:26 PM on February 24, 2011

That was the most awkward, least sexy thing I've seen since I tried to capture a video of myself masturbating.
posted by loquacious at 2:26 PM on February 24, 2011 [22 favorites]

Except that it will just devolve into what every Wii game eventually turns into--a game between people who have figured out how to properly manipulate the controller while kicked back on the couch. (The hint in bowling is to turn the controller upside down. Shhhh!)
posted by phunniemee at 2:28 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Isn't this waaaay behind schedule? We should've seen chat client add ons providing this a decade ago, but we got chatroulette only recently.
posted by jeffburdges at 2:28 PM on February 24, 2011

"Dude, I got that 'We Dare' game! We should play it!"
"But... isn't that.. like.. for if there's girls and stuff?"
"No, man, check it out: we play it, we get really good at it, and then WHEN we get some girls over here, we'll totally be awesome at the game! And then we'll be winning, so they'll have to take off their clothes!"
"But.. but it's just the two of us here."
"Yeah, that's what I'm saying! We'll practice!"
"I.. I just feel like... it's not..."
"Holy SHIT, dude, are you like scared of getting chicks over here to play this with us?"
"No, I just. I. Uh."
"Let's do it, dude!"
(places Wii remote inside back of belt)
(box fan, in corner of basement, suddenly sounds unbearably loud)
(years later, the memory of the box fan's steady hum will evoke Proust-like interlocking layers of anxiety, titillation, and sense memory)
posted by Greg Nog at 2:28 PM on February 24, 2011 [103 favorites]

Ew, is this what the '70s were like?
posted by nasreddin at 2:29 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]

I want to know why none of the endings involve both men going at it. It's either all four of them, the two girls or a combination of a guy and a girl.
posted by Senator Howell Tankerbell at 2:32 PM on February 24, 2011 [8 favorites]

This is the cover art, I guess.

Holy shit, "Parental guidance advised." So hey kids, play this with your parents?!
posted by naju at 2:32 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Be sure your wrist straps are firmly attached because I'm telling you there's nothing worse that performing a power serve in Wii Tennis and having the Wiimote fly across the room right into somebody else's wife's vagina.
posted by tumid dahlia at 2:34 PM on February 24, 2011 [46 favorites]

I want to know why none of the endings involve both men going at it. It's either all four of them, the two girls or a combination of a guy and a girl.

At least one of them was guy/guy... the first one I clicked on, bottom left.
posted by kmz at 2:35 PM on February 24, 2011

The nonstop laughter is the creepiest part.
posted by roger ackroyd at 2:38 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

If they add Hasselhoff's music this will be a number one in Germany. Or maybe a number two!
posted by Mister Fabulous at 2:40 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

At least one of them was guy/guy... the first one I clicked on, bottom left

But they aren't going at it, unlike the girls in the room behind them
posted by Senator Howell Tankerbell at 2:41 PM on February 24, 2011

like nobody has played strip rock band.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:41 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Or maybe a number two!

Is that a Wiimote in the back of your pants or are you just... nevermind.
posted by hal9k at 2:44 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

But they aren't going at it, unlike the girls in the room behind them

Ah, good point. Well, I think the answer is sexism/homophobia/all of the above. Not surprising from the gaming industry.
posted by kmz at 2:48 PM on February 24, 2011

I am envious of the title of this post. That is very clever.
posted by gilrain at 2:49 PM on February 24, 2011 [10 favorites]

whats the name of the music that was playing?
posted by robbyrobs at 2:49 PM on February 24, 2011

Huh he huh ... You said "haptic."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:50 PM on February 24, 2011

phunniemee: "Except that it will just devolve into what every Wii game eventually turns into--a game between people who have figured out how to properly manipulate the controller while kicked back on the couch. "

That is an entirely different video. It will feature more correct remote placement. It will not be seen on YouTube.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:59 PM on February 24, 2011

I eagerly await the local news "exposé" on this game that's sure to follow...
posted by schmod at 3:01 PM on February 24, 2011

It's about time Tommy Wiseau got into the video game ad-directing business.
posted by theodolite at 3:02 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]

whats the name of the music that was playing?
According to an Ars Technica commenter, it's by Julia Messenger and its called "Like A Magic Show."

I'm not playing the video to double check....
posted by ArkhanJG at 3:02 PM on February 24, 2011

I guess Fox News was right!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:02 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

roger ackroyd: "The nonstop laughter is the creepiest part"

So... that's not... you know... normal?

Shit.
posted by brundlefly at 3:03 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

This looks so awesome. I'm gonna buy a Wii just for this game. I might even move to Germany! This is so incredible. How is everyone not super pumped? Get pumped!!!
posted by christhelongtimelurker at 3:04 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

Link to the music track on its own. Without the creepy laughing.
posted by ArkhanJG at 3:06 PM on February 24, 2011

This is gonna be to Germany what Starcraft is to Korea!!!
posted by christhelongtimelurker at 3:07 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

Ok, and trying that again. Permalink to this content? Bull*cough*it.
posted by ArkhanJG at 3:08 PM on February 24, 2011

YES VIDEO GAME INDUSTRY

WHEN WE TOLD YOU TO MAKE GAMES FOR ADULTS THIS IS PRECISELY WHAT WE MEANT

BOFFO JOB
posted by cortex at 3:08 PM on February 24, 2011 [37 favorites]

Heh, the Wiimote at work is at the lobby bar near the coffee station. Heh.
posted by infini at 3:08 PM on February 24, 2011

Those Wiimotes were in my ass. You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my Ass Wiimotes every day.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:09 PM on February 24, 2011 [13 favorites]

It's about time Tommy Wiseau got into the video game ad-directing business.

Zelda, you're tearing me apart!

Oh hi, Ganon.
posted by cortex at 3:09 PM on February 24, 2011 [12 favorites]

"Dude, I got that 'We Dare' game! We should play it!"

Funny, the first bros I thought of were Charlie and Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:09 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

Get pumped!!!

That's the idea.
posted by grubi at 3:09 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hide yo kiids, hide yo wii
posted by Eideteker at 3:10 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

How do you even disinfect a Wiimote what with that weird cover thing and all? Cuz I'd never touch mine again if somebody gnawed on it and then stuck it in their pants. Even if that someone was me.
posted by frobozz at 3:11 PM on February 24, 2011

At least one of them was guy/guy... the first one I clicked on, bottom left

You definitely want to make sure to configure the options properly before any multiplayer game.
posted by Hylas at 3:11 PM on February 24, 2011

Seriously? Why make this for the Wii, it's so obvious that this game is way better suited for the Kinect.
posted by teleri025 at 3:14 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I could see this being big on college campuses. If it had been around when I was in college I could definitely see a couple of my frat brothers and a couple of drunk sorority girls retiring to a room to play We Dare. Of course, when I was in school, the best we had was NES, and I don't remember anybody using that to hook up.
Actually, it was the exact opposite. Those of us playing Duck Hunter at 2 AM were the 4 guys that had failed to hook up that night.
posted by COD at 3:16 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I know people who will play this ironically because it's so tame.
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 3:20 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

knowing what i know now, i wish that i had chosen truth.
posted by the aloha at 3:20 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is gonna be to Germany what Starcraft is to Korea!!!

Because no one ever got laid playing either?
posted by zippy at 3:21 PM on February 24, 2011

Also I know this isn't a Nintendo-branded game, but I'd be surprised if Mario and Peach aren't in the tutorial showing you the moves.

Maybe a little Donkey Kong .. or would that be going too far?
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:22 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Seriously? Why make this for the Wii, it's so obvious that this game is way better suited for the Kinect.

Seriously? Kinect only sees two people at once. Duh.
posted by hellphish at 3:23 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

nasreddin: "Ew, is this what the '70s were like"

No. Not at all. What small parts I can remember that is. Most of it is hazy. Or in bright colors with cartoon creatures leaping around.

But not like this, no. I think. There was that time... Did that really happen?
posted by Splunge at 3:27 PM on February 24, 2011

Not quite the Orgasmatron I was hoping for.
posted by doctor_negative at 3:32 PM on February 24, 2011

Dude, don't mess with Orgasmatron.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:43 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Seriously? Kinect only sees two people at once. Duh.

And Kinect doesn't recognize digits...yet.
posted by graventy at 3:49 PM on February 24, 2011

It's mad!
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:12 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

So, anyone have a Wii, a copy of this, and need a fourth?

I'm, uhhhhhh, available.
posted by Samizdata at 4:16 PM on February 24, 2011

joystiq: It's worth noting that the game is primarily shown in the trailer to make women at a party "perform" in a way they don't want to -- and that's the trailer.

While I am happy to pile onto the lamest-idea-ever bandwagon, this seriously misses the point. The idea behind things like this is to give people an excuse to do things that they would like to do, but normally wouldn't because of inhibitions. Most people like to see other people naked and touch their naughty bits, but are afraid to admit it. Accepting a playful dare can seem more dignified than admitting you would like to be spanked.

The problem with WD isn't that it's coercive, it's that it's far lamer than a simple game of strip poker.
posted by localroger at 4:19 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

*FACEWII*
posted by Iosephus at 4:20 PM on February 24, 2011

All the playas know that you need to get down with Ravin' Rabbids if you want the sexeh Wii time...
posted by markkraft at 4:24 PM on February 24, 2011

This is gonna be to Germany what Starcraft is to Korea!!!

Because no one ever got laid playing either?

Think again.
posted by dubusadus at 4:39 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

See before I watched the trailer, I was picturing a scene where 2 players each had to shake their WiiMote really, really fast to see who could uh, paint the naked... cartoon animal's... face, first. The animal would be lying on a mattress in a room lit by only a bare light-bulb. (The light bulb emits an ever-so-slight hum.)

I found the real trailer way more disturbing. Mostly due to the laugh-track.
posted by Kloryne at 4:47 PM on February 24, 2011

The business-casual clothing was also creepy.
posted by Kloryne at 4:49 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

All the playas know that you need to get down with Ravin' Rabbids if you want the sexeh Wii time...

I thought Wii Fit was the game for teh sexeh Wii time.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:52 PM on February 24, 2011

I am amazed that the yesthisisreal tag has gone unused for so long.
posted by anarch at 4:54 PM on February 24, 2011

Do people who dress as the depicted people dress and who furnish their apartments as the depicted people furnish their apartments and who laugh weirdly out of big mouths as the depicted people laugh weirdly out of big mouths actually exist in the real world? I've not met any of them.
posted by invitapriore at 4:55 PM on February 24, 2011

Share your Wiimote, share your wife.

But I don't actually own my wife.
posted by maxwelton at 4:59 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

All that 2012 business is really just Tinfoil Hat Brigade lunacy.

But then again...
posted by madred at 5:02 PM on February 24, 2011

Eventually a golden shower addon called Wii-Wee?
posted by Splunge at 5:18 PM on February 24, 2011

Jesus Wiipt.
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:20 PM on February 24, 2011

Enough of the pleasantries, let's just oil up and get fucking, eh?
posted by Jakey at 5:57 PM on February 24, 2011

The time tag on youtube doesn't appear to work for the inline player, sorry. 0:25 for the money shot.
posted by Jakey at 6:00 PM on February 24, 2011

I'll probably just be stuck doing the single player campaign.
posted by sourwookie at 6:23 PM on February 24, 2011 [11 favorites]

When I was a teenager, we all played N64 and one couple figured out a way of sitting so that they could each hold half the N64 controller. It looked very, er, intimate.
I was going to post about the game controlled by kissing but I guess i'll use this thread.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:47 PM on February 24, 2011

Ha! This will be a perfect way to forever turn my wife off to both video games and having sex with me.
posted by Mister_A at 6:49 PM on February 24, 2011 [8 favorites]

There are people I would play this game with.

They are people who have basically said in not so many words "hey it would be fun if we fucked" to which my response was "yes, it would". If I was hanging out with them and they took out this game, I'd grin and play it, and maybe leave the game unfinished as we retired to other rooms of the house. Sadly that'llnever happen as they have a PS3 and a 360, but no Wii.

Is this any creepier than playing strip poker, or any of the various purpose-built board/card games folks have devised over the years? It's just another way to create a playful space where the possibility of Doing Things is hanging around unsaid. A sense of play is really helpful for successful sexy time; pretty much all my awesome orgasms have been surrounded by whimsey and silliness.

But then again some of my business cards say "pornographer".
posted by egypturnash at 6:57 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Howcome they never show the guys slapping each others' asses?
posted by cman at 7:14 PM on February 24, 2011

Most of my socialization as a teenager was done around an N64 so yeah makes sense.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:15 PM on February 24, 2011

Howcome they never show the guys slapping each others' asses?

That's in the upcoming DLC.
posted by tumid dahlia at 7:22 PM on February 24, 2011

People are always trying to come up with excuses to have an orgy rather than just getting down to it and having an orgy.

Because everybody wants to have an orgy, but you're not allowed to have orgies.
posted by LordSludge at 8:00 PM on February 24, 2011

Because no one ever got laid playing either?

Starcraft is actually a really major sport in Korea. The top guys do get laid.
posted by delmoi at 8:17 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Cinco makes games for the Wii now? Good to see them branching out from tabletop games.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:34 PM on February 24, 2011

Also, I wonder if the author of Lapis (a DS game prototype designed to teach women how to masturbate) worked on this? She works at Ubisoft, after all...
posted by egypturnash at 8:56 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

You really don't need a special game for this. I played a lot of strip Soul Caliber in high school and that worked fine.

The problem with this is that you have to be still trying to look hot while playing it, which is virtually impossible with any Wii game. Also the game mechanic looks totally lame. Just get drunk and play Wario naked if you really feel the need for this kind of game. Also, get off my lawn.
posted by NoraReed at 12:30 AM on February 25, 2011

egypturnash: "There are people I would play this game with."

There are people I would watch playing this game. Felicia Day and three other girls, for instance.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 2:24 AM on February 25, 2011

Ubisoft has apparently blocked the trailers for "copyright" reasons.
posted by valkyryn at 3:02 AM on February 25, 2011

Just get drunk and play Wario naked if you really feel the need for this kind of game.

Mario Key Party.
posted by cortex at 7:17 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ahhhh, I've been doing this shit since 1983, at my "Pole-Position-Your-Ass-Right-There-Uhhh" parties.
posted by orme at 8:52 AM on February 25, 2011

Strip Battleship works ok.

"I sunk your pants!"
posted by little cow make small moo at 9:10 AM on February 25, 2011

Mario Key Party.

MEETUP?
posted by NoraReed at 9:20 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Strip Diplomacy gets a little weird. You think you and Germany are going to execute a coordinated thrust into Austrian territory but then when the turn gets resolved you get stabbed from behind by France and G&A are all just high-fiving and shouting ANSCHLUSS at you over and over while Russia sits in the corner "amassing his armies".
posted by cortex at 9:20 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Strip Settlers of Catan is great if you don't want to strip in any sort of hurry.
posted by Mister_A at 10:17 AM on February 25, 2011

I feel so, so bad for the QA team that had to test this.
posted by Sibrax at 11:36 AM on February 25, 2011 [6 favorites]

Strip Settlers of Catan is great if you don't want to strip in any sort of hurry.
Settlers manages to evoke hostility in my circle of friends, so it would probably result in fighting and breakups. I think I'd rather play strip-hit-yourself-on-the-head-with-a-hammer.
posted by lekvar at 1:02 PM on February 25, 2011

This makes it seem much better.
posted by empath at 2:04 PM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

The UK has banned it for the under 12's.

If the makers were smart, they could have made it a co-production with the Windows 7 install party. And Mike Leigh could film it.
posted by quarsan at 1:45 AM on February 26, 2011