It has a face!

June 26, 2011 11:33 AM

Tajazzle, Rejuvenique and the Almighty Cleanse are just some of absolutely necessary products you can find at Infomercial Hell.
posted by griphus (22 comments total)

I have seen parodies of the Tajazzle commercial, but nothing can really make it any more grody and strange than it already is.






And this is coming from someone who once... er... adorned her area with stick on googly eyes.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:41 AM on June 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

I can't even put into words how sad I am that the sound on the Tajazzle infomercial video is too low to hear. The world needs more bedazzled ass cheeks.
posted by phunniemee at 11:44 AM on June 26, 2011

I swore this was going to a link to this, hence my comment in the above thread.
posted by The Whelk at 11:45 AM on June 26, 2011

You might want to check the volume on the YouTube embed/system/speakers, it's fine on my end.
posted by griphus at 11:45 AM on June 26, 2011

My intimate area is already quite dazzling, thank you.
posted by Splunge at 11:46 AM on June 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I swore this was going to a link to this, hence my comment in the above thread.

There's also this, which now that I think about it I should've thrown in with the other links.
posted by griphus at 11:46 AM on June 26, 2011

OH NO KLEE IRWIN.

The first time I laid eyes on him he was saying this EXACT THING:

I'll never forget the first time I saw my four-year-old daughter's bowel movement in the toilet. It literally scared me. She wasn't more than 45 pounds, but her bowel movement was about as thick as my wrist and about as long as her arm. And I thought, 'Oh my God.' I got scared. I was going to call my wife. I thought, 'How could something that big come of something—a little child—that small. And I thought, I'm six feet tall and I weigh 190 pounds and by proportion to my size compared to hers my bowel movements were very inadequate to say the least.


And he looks like someone crossed John Water with an axolotl. Guaranteed to give you nightmares about toilets and tape measures.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:49 AM on June 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

My intimate area is already quite dazzling, thank you.

Mine too. But googly eyes made it funnier.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:49 AM on June 26, 2011

Pics or...
posted by Splunge at 11:54 AM on June 26, 2011

I've always been fascinated by those clay "colon cleanses" - what other materials could I "safely" eat and make a cast of my intestines? Some kind of expanding soft foam?
posted by muddgirl at 12:45 PM on June 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh God that tajazzel has me in hysterics! Especially this:

This infomercial shows men embarrassed and perplexed at being attracted to some of these women. Supposedly, they do not realize the seductive power of Tajazzle. One gent tells us defensively, "There may be better bodies in here, but that woman, she's got the vibe.

I love the idea of some dumbfounded guy being mesmerized by a crystal tattoo that he can't even see! Yeah I know, it's her "confidence" that is pulling him in-- like without a tajazzler she would be a wallflower but with the tajazzler she is one smokin hot chick.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:53 PM on June 26, 2011

Needs more Broccoli Wad check the sweet jams in the auto-play video.

"If you think we got nothing better to do than sit around all day and answer your emails, then go ahead and press your luck, [e-mail]"

.
posted by idiopath at 1:09 PM on June 26, 2011

MetaFilter: “Chocolate-flavored laxatives isn't the answer.”
posted by Splunge at 1:25 PM on June 26, 2011

MetaFilter: “Chocolate-flavored laxatives isn't the answer.”

"Today’s hedonism combines pleasure with constraint…The ultimate example is arguably a chocolate laxative, available in the US, with the paradoxical injunction 'Do you have constipation? Eat more of this chocolate!' "

Zizek and the Chocolate Laxative.
posted by LMGM at 2:20 PM on June 26, 2011

I once inadvertently "jazzled" my gentleman's region by not wearing pants while I was scaling a fish. I didn't feel more confident, exactly, but I certainly felt...scratchier.
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:59 PM on June 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Tumid dahlia was on Cooking With Beefcake and I claim my five pounds.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:56 PM on June 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Australian money ROU

Aussie money, you can't rip it. Strange.
posted by The Whelk at 5:00 PM on June 26, 2011

Puny Yanks might not be able to rip it, but we manage just fine.
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:13 PM on June 26, 2011

damn your antipodean deltoids
posted by The Whelk at 5:13 PM on June 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

deltoids

We call 'em chazwozzers.
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:53 PM on June 26, 2011

Nightmare fuel.
posted by theperfectcrime at 10:35 PM on June 26, 2011

Tajazzle = taint + vajazzle?
posted by acb at 3:09 AM on June 27, 2011