Huey Lewis and the News: You are hanging from monkey bars in two or more successive class pictures
July 5, 2011 11:49 AM Subscribe

what your favorite '80s band says about you
posted by flex (356 comments total) 38 users marked this as a favorite

You have lost several silk scarves to escalators.

They are called handkerchiefs young men.

You have dissected a Nintendo game.

It was an SNE-shut up!
posted by The Whelk at 11:53 AM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

In a perfect world that link would just lead to a looping .gif of The Fall saying "Hello penduluum, you seem like a pretty okay bloke."
posted by penduluum at 11:54 AM on July 5, 2011 [10 favorites]

General Public: You have injured yourself while doing the Centipede.

Do what now?
posted by punkfloyd at 11:54 AM on July 5, 2011

Thought this was a double, but I guess not. Anyway, previously.
posted by koeselitz at 11:54 AM on July 5, 2011

Europe: You think Europe is Asia.

Asia: You think Asia is Europe.

Heee
posted by griphus at 11:54 AM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Prince: You have used a hamster ball as a cocktail shaker.

WhatisthisIdon'teven...?
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 11:55 AM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Boo!
posted by Horselover Phattie at 11:56 AM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ministry: You have thrown up on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

Yesssssss!
posted by Mister_A at 11:56 AM on July 5, 2011 [6 favorites]

Alas, no The Waitresses.
posted by swift at 11:56 AM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

Whoah. McSweeney's has a working RSS feed now.
posted by 1970s Antihero at 11:56 AM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

They left out my favorite 80s band:

T'Pau: You have used a box of PG Tips as a sex toy.
posted by jbickers at 11:57 AM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

It's true about the sunglasses at the dentist's, and about the smashed Rubik's Cube. Disturbingly perceptive article.
posted by zomg at 11:57 AM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

The Waitresses: You have blown out your voice singing too loud along with the radio on a car trip
posted by The Whelk at 11:57 AM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

What, no XTC? Anyone care to volunteer one for them?
posted by tommasz at 11:57 AM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Hüsker Dü, Minutemen, or Black Flag: You fucking hate the smug, winking clubbiness that passes for humor on McSweeney's, and you can't help but imagine the piece being read by some braying ass wearing deck shoes and a blue blazer.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:58 AM on July 5, 2011 [112 favorites]

I don't get it. I like most of them, and have done none of these things.

Well, very few.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:58 AM on July 5, 2011

XTC: You have had muppet-related crying jags while stoned.
posted by The Whelk at 11:58 AM on July 5, 2011 [28 favorites]

XTC: Your big brother wouldn't let you listen to his Kate Bush records.
posted by jbickers at 11:58 AM on July 5, 2011 [6 favorites]

Doesn't anybody at McSweeneys like rap?
posted by box at 11:59 AM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Brian Eno: Your safety word is “10011101.”

My safety word is []?
posted by clockzero at 11:59 AM on July 5, 2011

...can't help but imagine the piece being read by some braying ass wearing deck shoes and a blue blazer.

T-minus a week until the New Yorker steals this image for their caption contest.
posted by griphus at 11:59 AM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

Brian Eno: Your safety word is “10011101.”

I thought that was if your favorite band was Thomas Dolby.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:00 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You
What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You, Part Two
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:00 PM on July 5, 2011

Ooops. Anyway, totally not my safety word.
posted by clockzero at 12:00 PM on July 5, 2011

Doesn't anybody at McSweeneys like rap?

Ahahaha ha ha hahahahaha ha!
posted by The Whelk at 12:01 PM on July 5, 2011 [19 favorites]

I thought that was if your favorite band was Thomas Dolby.

Thomas Dolby is Brian Eno's sockpuppet.

Ew.
posted by swift at 12:01 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also Thomas Dolby should be

Thomas Dolby: You have seriously considered building a robot.
posted by The Whelk at 12:02 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

The The: You read silly internet lists like on McSweeney's and confirm that you are even less popular than you were in high school.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:04 PM on July 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

Rush: You carry a small flashlight everywhere, and use it at least three times a day.

How can they know that!?!? *hides flashlight*
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 12:04 PM on July 5, 2011 [9 favorites]

Doesn't anybody at McSweeneys like rap?

Individual pieces are written by individuals, in this case John Peck.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:05 PM on July 5, 2011

Hüsker Dü, Minutemen, or Black Flag: You fucking hate the smug, winking clubbiness that passes for humor on McSweeney's, and you can't help but imagine the piece being read by some braying ass wearing deck shoes and a blue blazer.

I'm pretty sure Bob Mould is wearing deck shoes and a blue blazer at this very moment.
posted by DaDaDaDave at 12:05 PM on July 5, 2011 [14 favorites]

Haircut 100: You know that a mixture of twinkie filling and Vaseline will flouresce nicely under ultraviolet light.
posted by MrVisible at 12:06 PM on July 5, 2011 [6 favorites]

You fucking hate the smug, winking clubbiness that passes for humor on McSweeney's,

It's kind of self aware and overwrought, but it's better than most of the ads.
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 12:06 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

Ministry: You have thrown up on someone who was dressed as a dark elf.

I did not.

I threw up on an actual dark elf.
posted by quin at 12:07 PM on July 5, 2011 [12 favorites]

Though I wouldn't be able to answer what my favorite 80s band would be, if I look at the "what does it say about you" column and find things that accurately describe me -- or come close -- well, the choice of bands do fit a little.

(No hints - but it's somewhere among the dark elves, The Little Prince, and a high school gym teacher)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:10 PM on July 5, 2011

My favorite '80s band actually isn't on the list, so I did a quick scan to come up with my favorite listed '80s band, and came up with Peter Gabriel: "You know what Fimo tastes like."

I don't even know what Fimo is. Well, I do now, because I just looked it up, but I mean I didn't. It's a brand of modeling clay.

Can someone explain this to me? Is it because Peter Gabriel used (if I remember correctly) claymation for one of his videos? Is that the joke? I'm having a hard time believing that's the joke, but it's the best explanation I've been able to come up with.
posted by Flunkie at 12:10 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

All my favorite 80s bands play some variety of heavy metal, which probably says something else about me.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:11 PM on July 5, 2011

SAFE WORD NOT SAFETY WORD

guh!
posted by desjardins at 12:11 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Don't mix up Safe word and the Safety dance

just ....trust me.
posted by The Whelk at 12:12 PM on July 5, 2011 [14 favorites]

Laurie Anderson: You have tried and failed to wear sunglasses indoors.
posted by The Whelk at 12:14 PM on July 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

Seriously, nothing for Spandau Ballet? Fine:

Spandau Ballet: You were the sad sack of your friend group, just as you liked it.
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:15 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pet Shop Boys: You have woken up next to an empty bottle of Magic Shell.

a ha ha ha ha
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 12:16 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

No Journey?!
posted by DrGirlfriend at 12:18 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Adam Ant: You do drink but you don't smoke.
posted by infinitewindow at 12:18 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

New Order: You own several fish tanks but no fish.

You've been digging through my stuff, haven't you?
posted by nzero at 12:19 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wall of Voodoo: You wear bolo ties to job interviews.
posted by Redfield at 12:19 PM on July 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

Psychedelic Furs: You have worn sunglasses through an entire tooth cleaning.

This is not my favorite band, but this is a brilliant idea.
posted by psycho-alchemy at 12:20 PM on July 5, 2011 [7 favorites]

Bauhaus: You know what LARPing is
posted by Sailormom at 12:21 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

If you even HAVE a favorite band from the 80's, you're already in trouble. Good music ended WAY before that decade.
posted by tomswift at 12:22 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Beastie Boys: You realize there is no way to discuss the Beastie Boys new album without coming across as the old dude who tries too hard, so you select "Moody Blues" as your favorite '80s band and make your parents angry instead.
posted by Slap*Happy at 12:23 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Fimo is a popular choice for homemade marijuana pipes (don't get any bright ideas--that shit's made out of PVC).

Don't know if that has anything to do with the Peter Gabriel thing.
posted by box at 12:23 PM on July 5, 2011

If you even HAVE a favorite band from the 80's, you're already in trouble. Good music ended WAY before that decade.

A SHOCKING REVELATION
posted by shakespeherian at 12:24 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

tomswift: I assume you're referring to the 1880's, of course.
posted by demiurge at 12:24 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

Damn my blabby dentist, anyway.
posted by cyndigo at 12:26 PM on July 5, 2011

Sweet Mother Mary.... I HAVE hit a whiffle ball with a fake lightsaber. I... I don't know about this.
posted by cheap paper at 12:26 PM on July 5, 2011

If you have a favorite 80's band on that list, then you missed the 80's.
posted by 3.2.3 at 12:26 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Yeah I hate all the people in this thread too.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:27 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Remember when McSweeney's was funny?
Yeah...Me neither.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:27 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I read the blurbs before the band names and was shocked to discover how many favorite 80's bands I have. I think the list was much funnier that way. But my most-listened-to-80's bands aren't at that list either. I'm not sure what that says of me.

Act 3, Scene 1, Line 74
posted by crush-onastick at 12:28 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

My favorite 80s band was Felt. They released 10 albums and 10 singles during the 1980s and quit. That's how you do it.
posted by perhapses at 12:28 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

tomswift: I assume you're referring to the 1880's, of course.

Music died with Sophie Tucker man
posted by The Whelk at 12:29 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Musically, I had a great 80's. And now I know why. I didn't limit myself to this listening to only these bands.

FELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
posted by benito.strauss at 12:29 PM on July 5, 2011

Rush: You've worn a Hawaiian shirt to your place of business, and you've been asked on several occasions to trim your goatee.

No, it wasn't from the above link, but it needed to be said.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 12:30 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Talking Heads:

McSweenies writers will flatter you by creating the illusion that you have obscure taste in '80s rock bands.
posted by idiopath at 12:30 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

The Glove: You are a frequent visitor to Short Mountain
posted by The Whelk at 12:30 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Siouxsie and the Banshees: You regularly find yourself explaining your own name-dropping.
Love and Rockets: You have attempted to get a Smiths fan to swing the first punch.
Jesus and Mary Chain: You threw the first punch yourself.
The Sundays: Your most notable religous experience was riding topless in a jeep on a starry night.

(do the Sundays count? The Sundays probably don't count.)
posted by Navelgazer at 12:31 PM on July 5, 2011 [21 favorites]

Thank you, Navelgazer, you actually did a JMC that I like. And which resembles me.
posted by crush-onastick at 12:33 PM on July 5, 2011

Siouxsie and the Banshees: You regularly find yourself explaining your own name-dropping.

shut up!
posted by The Whelk at 12:34 PM on July 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

I couldn't find Talking Heads on the list...
posted by mmrtnt at 12:35 PM on July 5, 2011

Siouxsie and the Banshees: You regularly find yourself explaining your own name-dropping.

ouch!

also, I have never thrown up on anyone
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:35 PM on July 5, 2011

Talking Heads: You like to think of yourself as the cool uncle.
posted by The Whelk at 12:35 PM on July 5, 2011 [11 favorites]

Also good: Toto's Africa by Ernest Hemingway
posted by blue_beetle at 12:35 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

To be fair, Siouxsie is my personal favorite, so I was really making fun of myself there.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:36 PM on July 5, 2011

Frankie Goes to Hollywood: You have woken up under your high school gym teacher.

Utterly awesome.
posted by DWRoelands at 12:37 PM on July 5, 2011

Split Enz: You have spent six months in a leaky boat

Jesus and Mary Chain: You are only happy when it rains (fuckin' a!)

This shit writes itself.

BOO.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:39 PM on July 5, 2011

Talking Heads:

McSweenies writers will flatter you by creating the illusion that you have obscure taste in '80s rock bands.

Heh. I recently got into a big argument with a group who claimed that everyone knows Taking Heads are the greatest band ever. My grade: C+.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:40 PM on July 5, 2011

Swans: You have at least once been aroused at the sight of sheet metal.

The Replacements: You're unemployed.

The Pogues: You're unemployed and drunk.

Judge: You still listen to Judge.
posted by auralcoral at 12:41 PM on July 5, 2011 [10 favorites]

I did minor in something. How 'bout that.
posted by jrossi4r at 12:41 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

I did not feel adequately pigeonholed at all until I got to these three:

The Smiths: You have read aloud to a hamster, ferret, or turtle.

No, but I do tell bedtime stories to my snakes. Who are nocturnal, and wouldn't have a bedttime even if they were not.

Joy Division: You have been bitten by a cat while trying to dress it in period costume.

No, but I have been at least scratched by a cat while trying to dress *myself* in (something approximating) period costume.

New Order: You own several fish tanks but no fish.

And yes. Yes I do. They contain snakes. Which are not fish.

I do believe I am very nearly a stereotype.
posted by Because at 12:42 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oingo Boingo

You've stuck Silly Putty on your skin to outline your bones
posted by mmrtnt at 12:43 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Madness, and yeah, no duh.
posted by davelog at 12:43 PM on July 5, 2011

Erasure: Press 'Z' to chase your dreams again.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:43 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oingo Boingo: You own more action figures now then you had growing up.
posted by The Whelk at 12:44 PM on July 5, 2011 [10 favorites]

The Tubes

You know how to repair a platform shoe
posted by mmrtnt at 12:45 PM on July 5, 2011

> Talking Heads: You like to think of yourself as the cool uncle.

That's... scary
posted by mmrtnt at 12:45 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

My fave act from 11 - ~15 was Hall & Oates.

::sigh:: They're not cool enough to be made fun of, I know.
posted by droplet at 12:47 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Mcsweeneys: still trying, and still failing to find the funny for all these years.

Christ what a tedious site.
posted by puny human at 12:48 PM on July 5, 2011

The Lover Speaks: You tend to tremble when dancing
posted by mrgrimm at 12:48 PM on July 5, 2011

Guadalcanal Diary: Once your home was a Texas plain, but now you swing a lasso on an alien terrain
posted by mrgrimm at 12:49 PM on July 5, 2011

I was 13 in 1980, so I should qualify. I have no memory of ever hearing of 11 of the bands or four of the products which are proffered as band markers.

Also, was there ecstasy in the 1980s? I think of that as early 1990s.
posted by shothotbot at 12:49 PM on July 5, 2011

> Also, was there ecstasy in the 1980s? I think of that as early 1990s.

Back then it was just called DMT.
posted by davelog at 12:51 PM on July 5, 2011

Big Black: You've caused a Ministry fan to vomit.
Killdozer: You've eaten a Ministry fan's vomit.

Mission of Burma: You secretly dress up as Charlemagne.
Scratch Acid: You not-so-secretly dress up as Nick Cave.
posted by namewithoutwords at 12:51 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

a mixture of twinkie filling and Vaseline

Is that some sort of sexual allusion?
posted by binturong at 12:52 PM on July 5, 2011

My fave act from 11 - ~15 was Hall & Oates.

::sigh:: They're not cool enough to be made fun of, I know.

For a brief period after Private Eyes was released, mine too.

Also, was there ecstasy in the 1980s? I think of that as early 1990s.

Late '80s
posted by mrgrimm at 12:52 PM on July 5, 2011

Chumbawamba: You talk about the Miners' Strike a lot even though you are neither British nor a miner, and in fact were not even old enough to get a work permit in 1984.

Dead Kennedys: You kettle people at parties and ask them if they ever dreamed about nuclear war.

Or I do, anyway.
posted by Frowner at 12:52 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

The Jam: you still do a double-take every time someone references a mod in a Metatalk thread
posted by scody at 12:52 PM on July 5, 2011 [18 favorites]

Fine Young Cannibals? Anyone? Anyone?
posted by No Robots at 12:53 PM on July 5, 2011

Lords of Acid: You are a psychedelic pervert
posted by mrgrimm at 12:54 PM on July 5, 2011

SAFE WORD NOT SAFETY WORD

You can word if you want to
You can leave your friends behind
Because your friends don't word and if they don't word
Then they're no friends of mine
posted by immlass at 12:54 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

X: You'd rather drink alone.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:56 PM on July 5, 2011

Yaz: You're still nervous about buying underwear in public.
posted by Alles at 12:57 PM on July 5, 2011

Dire Straits: You have taste.
posted by Apropos of Something at 1:02 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Appparently a lot of these are my favorite 80s band, reverse engineering it. Off the menu, I will choose Joy Division, because that is the funniest.

Minutemen: You have worn something repaired with duck tape to a job interview

Husker Du: You introduced Grant Hart to the concept of lolcats.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:03 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Apropos of Something: "Dire Straits: You have taste."

I realized I had been spending too much time on reddit when I read your comment, then immediatly twitched my mouse over to where the downvote button should have been.
posted by idiopath at 1:05 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

Tangerine Dream: You have a half-full can of Sanka at the back of your cupboard.
Doesn't work: the instant coffee would be eaten while the listener was very, very high.

And what about, say, George Thorogood? (You have worn a sleeveless jeans jacket while not on an oil rig.) Or 10,000 Maniacs? (You do not write peotry because nothing could adequately capture the fullness of your feelings.) Or Tom Petty and the Heart-Breakers?
posted by wenestvedt at 1:07 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hah, I totally have lost a mood ring in a hot tub!
posted by Garm at 1:08 PM on July 5, 2011

No Echo and the Bunnymen? Seriously?
posted by oddman at 1:08 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

McSweenies writers will flatter you by creating the illusion that you have obscure taste in '80s rock bands.

There has always been a market for things that make people feel sophisticated or erudite without requiring actual sophistication or erudition; case in point: middlebrow "arthouse" films, easily digestible "serious" novels and McSweeney's. It's the cultural equivalent of clothes labelled with a size two sizes smaller.
posted by acb at 1:09 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Echo And The Bunnymen: You have ridden a bike while crying.
posted by The Whelk at 1:09 PM on July 5, 2011 [21 favorites]

XTC: You have had muppet-related crying jags while stoned.

Well, I do like XTC, and I can't say this hasn't happened, so ... hmmm.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 1:09 PM on July 5, 2011

What if your favorite '80s band is The Minutemen?
posted by dunkadunc at 1:09 PM on July 5, 2011

Echo and the Bunnymen: The lipstick on your collar is most likely your own.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:10 PM on July 5, 2011 [10 favorites]

Tom Petty and the Heart-Breakers: You have used your nephew as a weed connection.
posted by The Whelk at 1:10 PM on July 5, 2011 [12 favorites]

They Might Be Giants: You have eaten lunch in a school cafeteria, alone, while reading The Lord of the Rings.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:13 PM on July 5, 2011 [19 favorites]

I like McSweeney's. Without McSweeney's I wouldn't have been introduced to the works of Lydia Davis or Wells Tower, both of which I like very much. There is a large amount of content on their website that I don't enjoy reading, but I don't begrudge those who like it, and I'm saddened that there are people who believe they are better or more educated or sophisticated or cultured than I am because I like McSweeney's. I think their quarterly journal is of a very high quality, and I have learned more things from The Believer than from almost any other source, probably. I'm glad that Wholphin exists so that I can be exposed to short films, which otherwise are hard to find a venue for other than YouTube, which is choked with cat videos and thus difficult to filter.

I'd appreciate it if people would stop coming in to this thread merely to say that they don't like McSweeney's or that I shouldn't like McSweeney's.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:13 PM on July 5, 2011 [23 favorites]

Tom Petty and the Heart-Breakers: You have used your nephew as a weed connection.

I don't really see Buster as a Heartbreakers fan.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:13 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Sorry, McSweeney's - but this was a massive waste of time.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 1:14 PM on July 5, 2011

According to you guys, I have even more favorite eighties bands.

I am a silly person.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:15 PM on July 5, 2011

Dire Straits: You think you're a "cool dad," and are probably right.

_{And, yes. I totally owe my love of Dire Straits because to my dad. We saw Mark Knopfler perform live a few years ago. It was great.

Anybody who doesn't like Dire Straits or McSweenys can go fuck off and participate in one of the three ongoing flamewars at MeTa, and leave us to relish in the glory of music from 30 years ago*.

_{*Oh Jesus Christ. 1980 was 31 years ago.}}
posted by schmod at 1:19 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

ChurchHatesTucker : I don't get it. I like most of them, and have done none of these things.

Strange... I have done the majority of those things, yet like only a handful of the bands on it.

Are you the gatekeeper?
posted by pla at 1:19 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

mrgrimm, Lords of Acid is definitely a 90's band. I would've turned out totally different if they had been available to me in high school.
posted by bashos_frog at 1:22 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

DaDaDaDave: "I'm pretty sure Bob Mould is wearing deck shoes and a blue blazer at this very moment."

He's got a touring DJ act right now. It's pretty good.
posted by schmod at 1:23 PM on July 5, 2011

My fave act from 11 - ~15 was Hall & Oates.

::sigh:: They're not cool enough to be made fun of, I know.

Well, droplet if it makes you feel any better I actually was listening to my vinyl copy of Private Eyes when I came across this thread... and I'm 25. Maybe liking Hall & Oates made you prescient, as they're popping up in the strangest of places nowadays.
posted by bookwo3107 at 1:23 PM on July 5, 2011

O.M.D. - You have slept on paisley bed sheets
posted by Sailormom at 1:24 PM on July 5, 2011

Chick Corea Elektrik Band: You have slapped a bass.
posted by obscurator at 1:24 PM on July 5, 2011

My fave act from 11 - ~15 was Hall & Oates.

::sigh:: They're not cool enough to be made fun of, I know.

Yeah, they're touring right now. I spotted a teenager with a concert t-shirt last week.

I just read on wikipedia that Daryl Hall met John Oates when they were both running from gunfire.
posted by hydrophonic at 1:25 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

ZZ Top

You shocked someone with a charged condenser in high school auto shop.
posted by mmrtnt at 1:25 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

The Smiths

All of your friends are dead.
posted by mmrtnt at 1:26 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Psychedelic Furs: You have worn sunglasses through an entire tooth cleaning.

At my dentist, they give you sunglasses to wear during every procedure, because it not only keeps bits of ick from flying into your eyes but you're actually looking into a bright light. I don't know why all dentists don't do this.

The Fixx: You have sunbathed in a suit.

Well, yes. But it came about in a pretty unusual way and it shouldn't imply I wear a suit very often.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:34 PM on July 5, 2011

Sisters of Mercy: you realised too late that it's uncomfortable wearing nothing underneath a leather jacket.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:35 PM on July 5, 2011 [12 favorites]

Tangerine Dream: You have a half-full can of Sanka at the back of your cupboard.

I liked it better when I thought it said Shasta. But Tangerine Dream is not my favorite.
posted by Glinn at 1:37 PM on July 5, 2011

Fields of the Nephilim: you have sprinkled flour all over your clothes before going out.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:37 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

Nick Lowe

You've occasionally worn the same underwear for more than a week.
posted by mmrtnt at 1:38 PM on July 5, 2011

(or better: you got through a packet of flour a month, but never baked anything)
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:39 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Knack

You used to get a kick out of slowing down and speeding up vinyl records at parties.
posted by mmrtnt at 1:39 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Too funny. The Police are pretty much in my top five, and I would probably would have smashed a Rubik’s Cube if I had ever owned one.
posted by freakazoid at 1:40 PM on July 5, 2011

Blondie: your kids are more likely to be traumatised by your stories than bored by them.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:43 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Butthole Surfers: The sentence you are reading right now looks like it's melting into your legs.
posted by not_on_display at 1:45 PM on July 5, 2011 [7 favorites]

The Descendants: You are in your forties and skateboard to your office job.
posted by not_on_display at 1:48 PM on July 5, 2011 [12 favorites]

Gary Myrick and the Figures

You were the inspiration for the invention of Ritalin.
posted by mmrtnt at 1:51 PM on July 5, 2011

Metallica: You can finger-tap Van Halen's "Eruption" but not very well

Van Halen: You have bought expensive tequila, and spilled the entire bottle by accident after drinking a quarter of it.
posted by not_on_display at 1:51 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

The Dead Milkmen: Security at both malls in town know you by name.
posted by Rykey at 1:52 PM on July 5, 2011 [15 favorites]

The Housemartins: You are not deep
posted by mrgrimm at 1:52 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

By the way, the day they do this for '90s bands you will find me a drunken wreck.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:54 PM on July 5, 2011

Megadeth: You sell weed to Metallica and Van Halen fans.

Slayer: You steal weed from Metallica and Van Halen fans.
posted by not_on_display at 1:54 PM on July 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

Devo: You have dissected a Nintendo game.

Gladly confirmed.
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:54 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Book of Love: You are voted the most likely to be locked out of your dorm room by your Angry Samoans-loving Mohawk-wearing roommate. True story.

Book of Love wasn't really my favorite, but all the others were already taken.
posted by blucevalo at 1:55 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Random '80s Band: Arbitrary '80s-ish thing.

Gold!
posted by Sys Rq at 1:56 PM on July 5, 2011

Pixies: You develop film
posted by not_on_display at 1:56 PM on July 5, 2011 [10 favorites]

Wire: you lose patience with your friends' crappy music tastes.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 1:56 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

Hall and Oates is classic rock apparently

Hall and Oates: You have successfully fought someone off with a ski.
posted by real_paris at 1:57 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Anthrax: You grow weed in the lot behind the Cumberland Farms
posted by not_on_display at 1:57 PM on July 5, 2011

Tom Petty and the Heart-Breakers: You have used your nephew as a weed connection.

possibly substitute: "babysitter's boyfriend"

they bought me a really cool t-shirt from the 1991(?) tour, looked like a tarot card; I wore it pretty much until it disintegrated. really nice kids to babysit, too.
posted by epersonae at 1:58 PM on July 5, 2011

Big Audio Dynamite: you think you'd be pretty damn good at DJing a Prom.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:58 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

The Dead Milkmen: You drive a Camaro and listen to Book of Love and play the blues while white and don't get jokes.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:59 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Dead Kennedys

Your parents were wrong about your behavior being "just a phase"
posted by mmrtnt at 2:03 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

By the way, the day they do this for '90s bands you will find me a drunken wreck..

Oh, I'm pretty sure you can find your own drunken wreck. Possibly in this very thread.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:04 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

The big problem with the McSweeney's list is that it's kind of lazy--most of them have nothing to do with the bands. On the other hand, I liked "Joan Jett: You have woken up on top of your high school gym teacher." In my case, it would be "Joan Jett: You wore a bandana around one wrist because Joan did, and when someone asked you if you'd attempted suicide, you snarled, 'What the fuck's it to ya?' Or wish you did."
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:10 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I thought at least some of them were pretty great, and fairly accurate, like:

MADONNA: Your bedroom smells like Midori.
B-52s: Your bathroom smells like Midori.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:12 PM on July 5, 2011

I went to see Hall & Oates in Atlantic City for my birthday. Yes, this year.

I'll take a stab at the wacky Sweenz writing style.

Hall & Oates: You have coughed up glitter.
posted by Eideteker at 2:17 PM on July 5, 2011

Guns n' Roses: You have accidentally overturned an ATV, jetski or snowmobile.

Iron Maiden: You have intentionally overturned an ATV, jetski, snowmobile or quarterhorse.

Poison: Your car stereo is worth more than your car.

Queensryche: You have a profound, enduring spiritual connection to H.P. Lovecraft and/or Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Ratt: You are the assistant manager of a car rental outlet.

Warrant: You have recently applied for an entry-level position at a car rental outlet.

Extreme: You have been caught robbing a car rental outlet.
posted by gompa at 2:18 PM on July 5, 2011 [12 favorites]

"Cocteau Twins: You have spilled Zima on someone who was dressed as a dark elf."

I've never been near Zima. I've been near people dressed as elves, as recently as a few days ago actually, but no one dressed as a dark elf.
posted by jiawen at 2:23 PM on July 5, 2011

Adam and the Ants: You unplugged the jukebox and tried another flavor.

Adam and the Ants: Only idiots ignore the truth.

Adam and the Ants: Ridicule is nothing to be scared of.

Okay, I'll show myself out...
posted by wittgenstein at 2:30 PM on July 5, 2011

Never mind me, BitterOldPunk has the answer! Right on.
posted by dunkadunc at 2:33 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Night Ranger

Your car is worth more than your mobile home.
posted by mmrtnt at 2:33 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Kate Bush: You pronounce the diphthong in "Faerie."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:34 PM on July 5, 2011 [11 favorites]

Misfits: You have headbutted a vending machine.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:38 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

Navelgazer: Jesus and Mary Chain: You threw the first punch yourself.

More like you pretended like you were going to throw the first punch, and then began weeping for mercy and nodded off.
posted by Skygazer at 2:43 PM on July 5, 2011

"Cocteau Twins: You have spilled Zima on someone who was dressed as a dark elf."

You did all the blow by yourself, and can't remember where you picked up the dark elf in the room with you.

What the hell is a "dark elf" anyway?
posted by Skygazer at 2:47 PM on July 5, 2011

Black Flag: Your bed is or was a mattress without sheets.

The Ex: you have opinions regarding urban bicycle policy.
posted by jtron at 2:49 PM on July 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

Skygazer: These are dark elves. They're basically a hideous lovechild of the worst parts of LiveJournal and Hot Topic.

As for the JMC thing, I guess that depends on era and geography.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:50 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Stryper: You have a Bible you haven't opened in 20 years because the pages are stuck together.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:52 PM on July 5, 2011

Georgia Satellites

You know how to make meth.
posted by mmrtnt at 2:52 PM on July 5, 2011

Negativland. But I can't think of anything "clever" to say about it. All it ever really led to in my life was my housemates at one point telling me I wasn't allowed to play it while they were at home anymore.
posted by kyrademon at 2:54 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

GG Allin: Someone has asked you to beat the crap out of them, and they'd give you a line of coke.
posted by not_on_display at 2:54 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Echo & the Bunnymen: You're remembering you need to get that new live CD of them performing songs from Crocodiles and Heaven Up Here in concert recently,* and you wondering if that makes you an EchoHead or a BunnyHead?

*This year.
posted by Skygazer at 2:56 PM on July 5, 2011

Echo & the Bunnymen: You were such a geeky kid, you and your friends refered to them as Analog Delay and the Rabbit People.

True story.
posted by vers at 3:00 PM on July 5, 2011 [12 favorites]

Awesome, gompa. Though with Queensrÿche, I would go with: You still have more than one Shadowrun character sheet completely ready, just in case.

Also, TwoBucksPlus: You, me, and the best ever karaoke rendition of True the world has seen.
posted by Eideteker at 3:01 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

>Echo And The Bunnymen: You have ridden a bike while crying.<

Bravo. and ouch.

And thanks for the Fields of the Nephilim reference.

It would be great if there were just a symbol or something people could post that means "I don't like McSweeney's and just want everyone to know it" instead of having to actually type it out and take up space.
posted by bongo_x at 3:02 PM on July 5, 2011

Van Halen : You have vomitted in a bowling shoe.
posted by Hoosier Prospector at 3:06 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: You have a trophy you won for playing mini-golf
posted by Flashman at 3:09 PM on July 5, 2011

The The: Your ponytail is not fooling anyone.
posted by infinitewindow at 3:11 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

MADONNA: Your bedroom smells like Midori.
B-52s: Your bathroom smells like Midori.

I have a roommate this applies to, but only because her name is Midori.
posted by benzenedream at 3:13 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Navelgazer: As for the JMC thing, I guess that depends on era and geography.

Automatic.

Opened up for them in Poughkeepsie (The Chance) in 90 or 91 for the Automatic tour.
posted by Skygazer at 3:15 PM on July 5, 2011

Seriously? That's awesome!
posted by Navelgazer at 3:16 PM on July 5, 2011

Rainbow: You have worn sweatpants to a funeral

may have just gotten me canned for reasons of disrupting, unsquelchable laughter.
posted by herbplarfegan at 3:20 PM on July 5, 2011

Felt: All the people you like are those that are dead.
posted by Judith Butlerian Jihad at 3:21 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Christian Death: You have pogo'd alone on the empty dance floor of a nightclub whose few surly patrons hate you all the more for looking too soft to justifiably pound the shit out of.
posted by Roachbeard at 3:21 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

U2: Your darkest secret is that your Amnesty International membership lapsed in 1994.

_{How the hell am I the first person to mention U2, 190 comments into an 80's music thread?}
posted by richyoung at 3:21 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

_{Good point. But no one's mentioned Sinead O'Connor, Japan, or De La Soul, and too many more to list. Shriekback! Ultravox!}
posted by vers at 3:27 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sinead O'Connor: You were right when you said that Catholic priests were abusing little children
posted by mrgrimm at 3:28 PM on July 5, 2011 [6 favorites]

JINX!

Ultravox: Duh. You're dancing right now with tears in your eyes
posted by mrgrimm at 3:30 PM on July 5, 2011

Shriekback: You are gunning for the Buddha

(I find these much more enjoyable when all attempts at humor are removed.)
posted by mrgrimm at 3:33 PM on July 5, 2011

Felt: You fuckin' listened to your tape of the combined albums Crumbling the Antiseptic Beauty and The Splendour of Fear (it was released that way), so many times since 1986, you wore the fucker out and now have it on CD somewhere in one of the 25 moving boxes you've yet to unpack, because your new apartment has a bedbug infestation that is slowly driving you insane after 6 months of battle, and not having it close at hand is making you feel crushed and hopeless, because it is one of your top 5 favorites, of all time.

*Takes a deep breath*
posted by Skygazer at 3:36 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

The Replacements: You're unemployed.

The Pogues: You're unemployed and drunk.

I am currently employed and sober. If I had a favorite 80s band on that list I guess it would be the Cures or The Smiths, but I prefer pre-80s styles. Not pre-80s music, but music that acts like the synth was never invented.

Talking Heads are great, though.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 3:36 PM on July 5, 2011

10,000 Maniacs: Your first kiss was after the Ren-Faire and it was awesome.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:36 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

Obligatory: the 80s almost killed me. Let's not recall them quite so fondly.
At least in dying you don't have to go through New Wave a second time.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 3:37 PM on July 5, 2011

Spinal Tap: You enjoyed the documentary and thought the band carried it off well.
posted by vanar sena at 3:38 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

Dio: You have skinned your knee because of the collapse of a homemade bicycle ramp, and then covered the damage with a bandana because you thought it looked "badass."
posted by Eideteker at 3:39 PM on July 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

Aldo Nova: You are Loverboy
posted by not_on_display at 3:40 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Or maybe:

Dio: You like to tell people you're immune to mace, even though you're not.

(Yet.)
posted by Eideteker at 3:40 PM on July 5, 2011

"Talking Heads: You like to think of yourself as the cool uncle."

Stay Up Late?
posted by Eideteker at 3:41 PM on July 5, 2011

richyoung: I took the lack of U2 stereotypes as an attempt to not repeat the recent GRAR-y U2 stereotype thread.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:42 PM on July 5, 2011

Kool 'n' the Gang: You have DJ'd a bar mitzvah

Lionel Ritchie: You are smoooooth.

Run-DMC: You still own a pair of Adidas high tops.
posted by not_on_display at 3:43 PM on July 5, 2011

David Lee Roth: You are David Lee Roth.
posted by not_on_display at 3:44 PM on July 5, 2011 [7 favorites]

shakespeherian: I like McSweeney's. Without McSweeney's I wouldn't have been introduced to the works of Lydia Davis or Wells Tower, both of which I like very much. There is a large amount of content on their website that I don't enjoy reading, but I don't begrudge those who like it, and I'm saddened that there are people who believe they are better or more educated or sophisticated or cultured than I am because I like McSweeney's. I think their quarterly journal is of a very high quality, and I have learned more things from The Believer than from almost any other source, probably. I'm glad that Wholphin exists so that I can be exposed to short films, which otherwise are hard to find a venue for other than YouTube, which is choked with cat videos and thus difficult to filter.

I'd appreciate it if people would stop coming in to this thread merely to say that they don't like McSweeney's or that I shouldn't like McSweeney's.

Hi Dave!!

posted by Skygazer at 3:44 PM on July 5, 2011

LiB: If you listen to current alt-radio, we actually are living through New Wave again, in a pretty awesome way.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:45 PM on July 5, 2011

Scratch Acid: You not-so-secretly dress up as Nick Cave.

What's wrong with that? And who are Scratch Acid?
And why do I like Dire Straits and Tom Petty? And where are Gang Of Four on the list?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 3:47 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hi Dave!!

Blah blah blah.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:48 PM on July 5, 2011

Dokken: You know what tattoo ink tastes like.

Krokus: You can identify various tattoo inks by flavor.

Prong: You have spat out gravel several days later.
posted by Eideteker at 3:49 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

There are a lot of things missing from the list, and I'm going to guess you like Dire Straits and Tom Petty (and I do as well, particularly Petty) because your love for classic rock was undeterred by new wave. Just guessing.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:49 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Cyndi Lauper: You have fallen asleep on your junior high school desk and woken up with drool on your face.
posted by not_on_display at 3:50 PM on July 5, 2011

richyoung: I took the lack of U2 stereotypes as an attempt to not repeat the recent GRAR-y U2 stereotype thread.

Damn, I missed it? U2 SUCKS! (I actually really liked U2, even after Joshua Tree and even after Rattle and Hum when everyone and her brother were bailing on them. I even tried defending Numb, but then I just got tired and gave up.)

Run-DMC: You still own a pair of Adidas high tops.

I still own my original Adidas Phantom II, the greatest Adidas high-top ever made (from 1991-1992 tho. Then they went to the "Jalen Rose" version and all went downhill.)

But I don't really like Run DMC. PE was always my '80s go-to, and that Aerosmith duet was crap (yes, I know, Anthrax ...)
posted by mrgrimm at 3:50 PM on July 5, 2011

Oh what the hell, no Til Tuesday? Or Motels?

Motels: You were one of the people who injured themselves with a slap bracelet.
Til Tuesday: You were not the first on the block/in your school to wear ruffs, but you were one of the first.
posted by Eideteker at 3:53 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Til Tuesday: You own a white rat named Aimee.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:55 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm still trying to think of some for Television or The Vapors or Elvis Costello, but to be honest, most of what I'm writing was informed by my older brothers, so I couldn't do proper justice.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:55 PM on July 5, 2011

Zebra: You can remember exactly where each of the machines you had the high score on used to be.

(Could work for Rush, but I like Pink Fuzzy Bunny's flashlight one, esp. as I've been looking for a new LED flashlight for my keyring... Also didn't want to bite off of Futurama too much.)
posted by Eideteker at 3:56 PM on July 5, 2011

Anyone want to take a crack at Lowlife or Breathless?

_{Yeah, I'm using these taglines like tea leaves...}
posted by vers at 3:59 PM on July 5, 2011

Current 93: You had your tatt of Hildegarde of Bingen modified so it looks like she's making out with Antony Hegarty.
posted by everichon at 3:59 PM on July 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

Lovecraft in Brooklyn: And where are Gang Of Four on the list?

Gang of Four: At home you still, feel like a tourist.
posted by Skygazer at 4:00 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Poison: You made a dessert sandwich from two Hostess fruit pies and puffy-style Cheetos.

Yesterday.
posted by droplet at 4:04 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Gang of Four: getting drunk on cheap wine.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:06 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Thomas Dolby: You have seriously considered building a robot.

Shut up shut up it was only the once and I couldn't get the right grade of scrap metal
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:09 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

Anyone want to take a crack at Lowlife or Breathless?

Lowlife: See Cocteau Twins.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:10 PM on July 5, 2011

Gang of Four: You've reluctantly contracted Scott Ian.
posted by namewithoutwords at 4:10 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Throwing Muses: The sole edition of your zine included a recipe for "Ergot Cornbread".
posted by everichon at 4:16 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

What band is it that indicates you love reeeeeaaaaaly wide margins?
posted by DU at 4:18 PM on July 5, 2011

Fugazi.
posted by box at 4:21 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Lowlife: See Cocteau Twins.

Nah, not really. See, I was in Syracuse at the time it was a test market for Zima before it had a wider release (shudder). It is fair to say there are no dark elves in Syracuse, only consumers, and I have never been in the presence of a dark elf, costume or not. Only sadly mislead consumers.
posted by vers at 4:31 PM on July 5, 2011

Television: you have spent hours considering what it really means to have a beautiful neck.
posted by Beardman at 4:35 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Oh, I really miss C.P.E. Bach. Good times.

:::looks around::::

1780s, right?
posted by datawrangler at 4:35 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Television: You regret to point out they were a done deal way before the 80s.
posted by Skygazer at 4:39 PM on July 5, 2011

Adrian Belew: You think stripes and plaids are meant to be paired.
posted by drfu at 4:40 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Chills: You spend a fraction of every paycheck on leather jackets, but are too self-conscious to actually wear them in public.
posted by Redfield at 4:40 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wow. That is just terrible. If any of it actually related to the bands mentioned it might be amusing, but that is so smugly unfunny it's almost a parody of itself.
posted by ciderwoman at 4:45 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Negativland. But I can't think of anything "clever" to say about it.

Negativeland: you have made up a can of clam chowder with chocolate milk.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:46 PM on July 5, 2011

Orchestral Manouevres in the Dark: you wrote the name of the person you love on a paper boat and tried to sail it into the ocean, but it just got wet and soggy and washed up on shore.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:49 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Hugo Largo: You still sleep with an exquisitely sharp knife next to your bed.
posted by vers at 4:49 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

INXS: you rode your moped wearing a leather motorcycle jacket.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:51 PM on July 5, 2011

Adam and the Ants: you once painted a pair of brown suede moccisin boots black using india ink.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:53 PM on July 5, 2011

I don't see Twisted Sister there. Probably because SMF's don't read lameass pseudointellectual rags like fucking McSweeney's.
posted by jonmc at 4:57 PM on July 5, 2011

Hi jonmc! I'm a lameass pseudointellectual. How are you feeling today?
posted by shakespeherian at 5:00 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

> You have dissected a Nintendo game.

Never! but I do have a terminator furby
posted by jfuller at 5:01 PM on July 5, 2011

The Hooters: You've been stuck in the trunk of a car at a drive-in...which was still a cooler experience than that of the other people in the car.
posted by maxwelton at 5:04 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Mojo Nixon: You're Michael J. Fox.
posted by maxwelton at 5:06 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

How are you feeling today?

Pretty mellow, thanks. They do get points for publishing John Sayles latest, but it killed me to have to buy it.
posted by jonmc at 5:14 PM on July 5, 2011

This was so utterly not-funny-to-me that I had to find out more about the author. Possibly this guy?

If so, a lover of The Old 97s or The Knife, Black Sabbath ("Your greatest joy is painting unventilated rooms)", the Misfits, NoMeansNo, Jawbreaker—punk rock.

He plays in American Steel. They're one of a million bands I listened to on PunkNews that I really need to buy the album of.

I liked this list, and I liked the classic rock list, because of their pure absurdity. He ought to turn the joke on his own scene though.

Elvis Costello: You'll show them. You'll show them all.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:17 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Marillion: You vocally remind people that you were the first on your block to wear ruffs.

Also, you scoff at fans of Fugazi, the band.
posted by Eideteker at 5:17 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

They do get points for publishing John Sayles latest, but it killed me to have to buy it.

My heart goes out to you.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:17 PM on July 5, 2011

The Hooters: You've been stuck in the trunk of a car at a drive-in...

I once got a blowjob to "As We Danced." 20 years or so after it came out, but still, it was cool.

(also, the Hooters are underrated, they looked like a boy band, but some of their songs ("Karla with a K" especially) were really good.)
posted by jonmc at 5:17 PM on July 5, 2011

McSweeney's: I'm having a hard time believing that's the joke, but it's the best explanation I've been able to come up with.
posted by Pinback at 5:18 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

My heart goes out to you.

Thanks. The telethon will be Labor Day Weekend. If we can't get Jerry Lewis, we'll use Joey Bishop's re-animated corpse.
posted by jonmc at 5:20 PM on July 5, 2011

The Vandals: you often used your fake ID to buy Night Train and a case of Brown Derby.
posted by oneirodynia at 5:23 PM on July 5, 2011

Social Distortion: You have gazed wistfully at your high school while wearing blue jeans with rolled up cuffs.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:24 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Birthday Party: No matter what the occasion, your drycleaning costs exceed the rental.
posted by metaman livingblog at 5:25 PM on July 5, 2011

Social Distortion: You have gazed wistfully at your high school while wearing blue jeans with rolled up cuffs.

...out a prison window.
posted by jonmc at 5:26 PM on July 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

Lady Gaga: oh wait, wrong thread.
posted by localhuman at 5:30 PM on July 5, 2011

I liked this list, and I liked the classic rock list, because of their pure absurdity.

I suppose that's my problem with this kind of humor. If it's just what the young folks call Random, then there's not real wit involved, no connective tissue between item a and item b. One line be replaced by another and the joke would neither improve nor decline.

Plus he used the word hamster, and every time I see that in a humorous context I think of Dave Barry who said that using the word hamster automatically makes something funny.

It doesn't.
posted by IndigoJones at 5:34 PM on July 5, 2011

Swans: You manage a hedge fund and are preparing for the Rapture.
posted by Skygazer at 5:34 PM on July 5, 2011

I liked this list, and I liked the classic rock list, because of their pure absurdity.

It's not 'absurdity.' It's cooler-than-thou snottiness masquerading as wit.
posted by jonmc at 5:35 PM on July 5, 2011

No one really cares what you hate.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:39 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Then why are you so upset about it?
posted by jonmc at 5:40 PM on July 5, 2011

shakespeherian: Blah blah blah.

Oh, blah, blah, blah your own damned self.
posted by Skygazer at 5:45 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm upset that you're in two separate threads proclaiming your distaste for their subjects because of their supposed pretension and cooler-than-thou attitude. Which is weird. And I'd much rather read people talking enthusiastically about things they like than talking enthusiastically about things they don't like, because that's insanely boring.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:45 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

I vote jonmc.

Worst of the internet in just so many ways.

(I mean this link is the worst, not I vote jonmc the worst of the internet. Dammit, must be clearer)
posted by ciderwoman at 5:48 PM on July 5, 2011

Social Distortion: You have gazed wistfully at your high school while wearing blue jeans with rolled up cuffs.

...out a prison window.

Dammit Jon now I have Prison Bound stuck in my head.

And beneath the absurdity there's truth in some of these, at least for things like Devo and Rush. And if there isn't, who cares? Pick your favorite and make a joke about it. There was a similar list about indie rock which was pretty fun too.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:50 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I recall Shriekback's 'Oil and Gold' on the turntable in those days...
posted by ovvl at 5:55 PM on July 5, 2011

I think you're probably aware of what you're allowed to do.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:59 PM on July 5, 2011

hey, your a

my odd personal fav.
posted by clavdivs at 6:01 PM on July 5, 2011

You know, for a site that likes to bitch about hipsters and their music snobbery so much, there's an awful lot of music snobbery going on up in this thread.

You have tasted a scented pen (no); You have worn sunglasses through an entire tooth cleaning (doesn't everyone?!); You are excellent at dodgeball (why yes, yes I am; I'm even better at sloshball, though); You minored in something (two things, actually)
posted by smirkette at 6:09 PM on July 5, 2011

ok, that was overkill.
posted by clavdivs at 6:09 PM on July 5, 2011

that is why in brought metal, smirkette.
posted by clavdivs at 6:11 PM on July 5, 2011

Also: why no love for Elvis Costello?!
posted by smirkette at 6:11 PM on July 5, 2011

Maybe I'm just missing the joke, maybe it's a US thing, but I just don't get this, it seems horribly full of snark. I bet quonsar would have loved this.

And for that reason I'm out.
posted by ciderwoman at 6:13 PM on July 5, 2011

Screaming Blue Messiahs: you prefer to listen to radio stations tuned slightly out of range for that extra staticky sound.

Midnight Oil: you have shaven your head at least once.

Ministry: you have shaven someone else's head at least once.
posted by spoobnooble at 6:20 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Men At Work: you never actually ate Vegemite but you tell all of your friends you did.
posted by Sailormom at 6:24 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Ride: You make mix CDs with pop up collage liner art and nerdy papercraft.
posted by byanyothername at 6:24 PM on July 5, 2011

Mad World: Tears for Fears.
posted by clavdivs at 6:29 PM on July 5, 2011

Til Tuesday: You can't stop yourself from pointing out Aimee Mann's character in The Big Lebowski

U2: Listened to Joshua Tree while playing the Tiny Toon Adventures game on a Gameboy decorated with puffy stickers.
posted by wowbobwow at 6:31 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Alien Sex Fiend: Everyone you went to school with gave you their codeine.

Einstürzende Neubauten: You ate out of your pet's bowl a couple times, because you had nothing in the fridge.

Scraping Foetus off the Wheel: You ate out of your pet's bowl several times, because you were too lazy to open the fridge.

The Stranglers: When asked to perform the National Anthem at a community ball game, you started singing "There's Always the Sun".

Charged GBH: Using firecrackers for birthday candles was a bad idea.

Diamanda Galás: Using highway flares for birthday candles was a really bad idea.
posted by Smart Dalek at 6:47 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

The Cure: you have barfed Peach Schnapps while tripping on acid and lost in suburban woodland.
posted by not_on_display at 6:53 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Talk Talk: You don't don't.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:58 PM on July 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Swans: you have repeatedly spent an entire afternoon in your father's den with the lights off, spinning in his office chair until you vomited.
posted by winna at 7:03 PM on July 5, 2011

My Bloody Valentine: Could you repeat the question?
posted by Mister_A at 7:11 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sisters of Mercy: you realised too late that it's uncomfortable wearing nothing underneath a leather jacket.

Going by the exploits of my former roommate:

My Life With the Trill Kill Kult: You have given yourself an oddly shaped sunburn by falling asleep sunbathing in a leather jacket with nothing underneath.
posted by hydrophonic at 7:14 PM on July 5, 2011

Was Not Was: You now walk like an arthritic dinosaur.

Kid Creole and the Coconuts: You secretly hope your daughter is dating Endicott.

Fishbone: Your bowler now fits correctly.

Bow Wow Wow: You will never know love like that again.

Suicidal Tendencies: All you really want now is a Pepsi....Blue.

Howard Jones: No one will admit to this, so it's kind of a throwaway.

Voivod: You now live in Quebec and are using your socialized healthcare to pay for endless kilos of 222s.

Anybody on the 2 Tone label: You have one pair of checkerboard socks STILL.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 7:16 PM on July 5, 2011

Sammy Hagar: You had an embarrassing revelation about your massive collection of slacks.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:22 PM on July 5, 2011

Also: why no love for Elvis Costello?!

I think we all love Elvis Costello too much to mock him. Or nobody can think of a better burn than that old 'music critics love him because they look like him' line.

Elvis Costello: You have turned down at least one date because of her music taste.

Elvis Costello: You were too good for her anyway.

Elvis Costello: Ooo ooo oo you look just like Buddy Holly.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:26 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Fishbone: Your bowler now fits correctly.

Fishbone: You scoff every time somebody praises the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

(Though this might be universal)
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:27 PM on July 5, 2011 [5 favorites]

I think we all love Elvis Costello too much to mock him.

Unless, of course, we're Bonnie Bramlett.
posted by jonmc at 7:32 PM on July 5, 2011

The Jam: After recently watching Trainspotting, for the second or third time, you finally realized All Mod Cons, isn't just about being a Mod, but is a shortened expression used in the UK in apartment and house listings to signify "all modern conveniences."

*True story.

What?! That Scot accent was a bitch to decipher.
posted by Skygazer at 7:46 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

LIB: Fishbone: You scoff every time somebody praises the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

So true. I don't think you're even a considered a fan of Fishbone unless that's the very first thing you do when hearing mention of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
posted by Skygazer at 7:49 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Elvis Costello: Your glasses come back into fashion once every seven years
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:23 PM on July 5, 2011

As a Jam fan, I'm wondering what kind of fool you all think I am that I know noting of the modern world
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:26 PM on July 5, 2011

It's Immaterial: it's probably best if we don't discuss the matter further.
posted by anigbrowl at 8:55 PM on July 5, 2011

Simple Minds: You stop thinking they're so great once they become the soundtrack to every other 80s box office hit. Or else you wonder what the hell any of the songs prior to "Don't You (Forget about Me)" was even about.
posted by blucevalo at 8:59 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Church: You once tried to turn the lyrics of Unguarded Moment into an improvised performance poem at a night judged by Steve Kilbey.

Not that that ever happened to me...
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:13 PM on July 5, 2011

However sophisticated I may like to believe my music tastes to be, Here, I have to admit that at this particular moment in time, my cheap, small mp3 player has exactly one more Ministry song than I have Huey Lewis tracks.

I want to be cool, and Al J honestly rules, but I must admit to liking what Lewis brought to the stage too.
posted by quin at 9:32 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

My favorite band is the Smiths; online abuse and wisecracks follow me (or, shall I say, us) around without personally seeking it out! Morrissey-loving is a punchline in and of itself, I fear!
posted by Mael Oui at 9:41 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I love Madonna-- I'm probably the biggest Madonna fan I know-- but I have no idea what Midori is.

On the other hand, I stumbled across this article while listening to the Cars and reading Star Wars fanfic, so that makes the "hitting a whiffle ball with a fake lightsaber" somewhat apropos.
posted by suburbanbeatnik at 9:41 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sometimes I find these funny but I have to say I'm missing the joke in about 90% of those. And I was very much there at the time.

"The English Beat". I rage every time I see that. They were called The Beat. I'd like to round up the bloody bastards who were in the boring American Beat, and who forced the better Beat to change their name, and belabour them with a baseball beat. I mean bat.
posted by Decani at 9:48 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

I have, in fact, read aloud to a turtle. Is that really so strange? You say yes, but you will change your mind.
posted by Mael Oui at 9:48 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Crowded House: You're wearing t-shirts from the '80s that have never been washed.
posted by paulsc at 10:38 PM on July 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Genesis: You are an enigma.
Phil Collins: You were an enigma, but now are a manager.
posted by not_on_display at 10:42 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

dumb dumb dumb. any of those could have been applied to any of the listed bands and it would have been just as lame. and jonmc...tmi?
posted by davidmsc at 11:17 PM on July 5, 2011

As a Jam fan, I'm wondering what kind of fool you all think I am that I know noting of the modern world

Dude, you don't need no one, to tell you what's right or wrong.
posted by Skygazer at 11:50 PM on July 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Crowded House: You're Australian or from New Zealand

(they just got number 13 on the Aussie Hottest 100... wow)
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 12:06 AM on July 6, 2011

Thomas Dolby, alternate: You have gone to a Halloween party with an 'H' affixed to your forehead.
posted by zippy at 12:07 AM on July 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

Roxette: You have injured yourself with a Q-Tip.

Madonna: Your bedroom smells like Midori.

Hm. I'll have to go with Roxette then.
posted by ZeroAmbition at 12:36 AM on July 6, 2011

Sigue Sigue Sputnik: You have yet to master the art of knowing when to be ashamed of yourself.
posted by Lazlo at 12:38 AM on July 6, 2011

Roxy Music: You have had sex in a bathroom, once.
posted by The Whelk at 1:04 AM on July 6, 2011

Roxy Music: You have had sex in a bathroom, once.

Only once? What's the 'you've never had sex outside of a bathroom' band? Motley Crue?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 1:09 AM on July 6, 2011

What the hell is a "dark elf" anyway?
Never mind that, what the fuck are 'Zima' and 'Magic Shell'?

"The English Beat". I rage every time I see that. They were called The Beat.
I once knew a British person who referred to them as 'The English Beat', presumably because he spent too much time on US message boards. It made me want to cry.

God, I have not had Midori for years.
posted by mippy at 3:27 AM on July 6, 2011

I liked this list, and I liked the classic rock list, because of their pure absurdity.
It's not 'absurdity.' It's cooler-than-thou snottiness masquerading as wit.

More proof that jonmc really is a hipster. Only a hipster would care this much about pointing out that things other people like are uncool.
posted by klausness at 3:53 AM on July 6, 2011

Pere Ubu: You look down on DEVO fans for being too mainstream.

Celtic Frost: Your soul is burnt to a crisp, just the way you like it.
posted by schyler523 at 4:32 AM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

what the fuck are 'Zima' and 'Magic Shell'?

Now where can I find me some Zima Gold? I've always wanted a bourbon-flavored carbonated can drink, soft or not....
posted by mrgrimm at 8:46 AM on July 6, 2011

And I'd much rather read people talking enthusiastically about things they like than talking enthusiastically about things they don't like, because that's insanely boring.

Depends on the quality of their enthusiasm and how they are talking about it. "Isn't this awesome?" doesn't tell me much if I don't get the joke. I understand, humor is subjective, but rather than listing favorites (the original text ain't that hard to read through), maybe explain why you think it awesome.

I'm all for enthusiasm and try to stay positive, but this just failed for me. And I explained why. If enthusiasts can put forward a good case for it, I would be more than pleased to read it.

Then too, as this is basically a let's-make-fun-of-other-peoples'-taste kind of joke, it already risks stepping into an unpleasant direction.
posted by IndigoJones at 9:08 AM on July 6, 2011

paulsc: You're wearing t-shirts from the '80s that have never been washed.

Hey, I just dug out a bunch of late-80s concert t-shirts (REM, REM again, 10,000 Maniacs, The Replacements) that I discovered when we moved, and now they fit! Oh, wait...
posted by wenestvedt at 9:42 AM on July 6, 2011

louche mustachio: "Minutemen: You have worn something repaired with duck tape to a job interview"

Congratulations, you just inspired me to duct-tape the huge tear in the seat of my old jeans and turn them into cut-offs. It's 85 degrees here and I'm too broke to buy shorts. Blasting "Little man with a gun in his hand" right now!
posted by dunkadunc at 10:28 AM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

Kitchens of Distinction: You are gay as hell, but in a good way
posted by mrgrimm at 11:55 AM on July 6, 2011

IndigoJones, I'll try.

If it's just what the young folks call Random, then there's not real wit involved, no connective tissue between item a and item b. One line be replaced by another and the joke would neither improve nor decline.

It's not random. It's a list of popular eighties bands paired up with a list of preposterous activities or situations, mostly stuff adolescents might do. It's true that sometimes the band name is a place to hang the punchline, but a lot of it really does depend on knowing something about the band.

The Smiths: You have read aloud to a hamster, ferret, or turtle.
Kajagoogoo: You have used AquaNet in self-defense.

The Smiths were noted for lyrics that wallow in self-pity. Kajagoogoo had really big hair. Switch the punch lines and it doesn't work. I picked two obvious examples but a lot of the other ones work on associations that are more subtle, e.g. John Cougar's ruralism, Madness' manic energy, The Bangles' association with the Valley Girl meme.

Then too, as this is basically a let's-make-fun-of-other-peoples'-taste kind of joke

If you read many of the comments in this thread by people who enjoyed the list, you'll see that a lot of the humor comes from self-recognition. A detractor might accuse the writer of pandering, but it's only natural that people are going to enjoy references to their own cultural background. I was a teenager in the 80s. I have a lot of associations, good and bad, with most of the bands, products, etc. on that list. If you don't, that's fine. I'm not going to claim you're missing much; some of those bands I'd be happy to never hear again, and Magic Shell really does taste like chemicals. I think you've misjudged it if you think it's mean-spirited. People generally have a sense of humor about themselves and stuff like this is very common, whether it's a rock DJ joking about playing 8-tracks to a "how much of a poseur are you" quiz in a punk zine. Or the song "Letter to a Fanzine," which the list kind of reminded be of.
posted by hydrophonic at 12:02 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Fishbone: OK, you can come to my party

24-7 Spyz: OK, you can DJ my party

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones: You guys can drink in the garage.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:06 PM on July 6, 2011

Happy Mondays: No, you cannot have my drugs

Spacemen 3: Hey, can I share your drugs?
posted by mrgrimm at 12:07 PM on July 6, 2011

I'll be here all month, folks ...
posted by mrgrimm at 12:08 PM on July 6, 2011

louche mustachio: "Minutemen: You have worn something repaired with duck tape to a job interview.

Drunkdunc: Congratulations, you just inspired me to duct-tape the huge tear in the seat of my old jeans and turn them into cut-offs. It's 85 degrees here and I'm too broke to buy shorts. Blasting "Little man with a gun in his hand" right now!

There was time, it seemed like most of life's external problems could be fixed with duct tape.

Sigh.
posted by Skygazer at 12:45 PM on July 6, 2011

Let's Active: You like pissing in the wind and the sound of crickets.
posted by Skygazer at 12:46 PM on July 6, 2011

thanks, Hydrophonic!

There's a thought in comedy that a joke requires the person who tells it, the person who gets it, and the person who doesn't get. Color me three in this case, but even so, I get a sense of the author trying too hard. Same with the two earlier lists, where I should theoretically have gotten more of the jokes. Assuming there was much to get.
posted by IndigoJones at 1:01 PM on July 6, 2011

The Smiths: You have read aloud to a hamster, ferret, or turtle.
Kajagoogoo: You have used AquaNet in self-defense.

The Smiths were noted for lyrics that wallow in self-pity. Kajagoogoo had really big hair.

On preview-

Still seems forced, and forced is the enemy of wit. Problem here is, I can see them at work.

"Right. Big hair. What's funny about big hair? Curlers? No. Dandruff? Possibly. AquaNet! Okay, good, AquaNet. But needs more. What would be funny about AquaNet? How about drinking it?"

And again, employing "Hamster" is just admitting defeat from the get go.

But clearly others enjoy it, which is really all that matters, so- carry on laughing. (That's a joke. One I would use at certain overly wined dinner tables, but not on the web.)
posted by IndigoJones at 1:20 PM on July 6, 2011

The Circle Jerks: You have a tree-shaped air freshener in your Ford Falcon.
posted by zippy at 2:57 PM on July 6, 2011

The Wolfhounds: You own every Sonic Youth album, including re-issues, despite not liking Sonic Youth.
posted by Redfield at 3:42 PM on July 6, 2011

Billy Bragg: I have paid money to see you 'sing' in the past year

or

Billy Bragg: You think quoting his most popular song makes you authentic

I've got some magazine compilation with a bunch of random 80s New Wave/Post punk bands in it, so I'll have more of these
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 4:11 PM on July 6, 2011

L'Trimm: Your car has thousands of dollars worth of speakers and amps. And a tape deck.
posted by box at 4:21 PM on July 6, 2011

The Wedding Present: You are single.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:26 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Birthday Party: You've never had one.
posted by box at 5:52 PM on July 6, 2011

Killing Joke: You really really really miss the Eighties, and how cool it was to go to bed knowing you might be vaporized in a nuclear conflagration between the West and the U.S.S.R overnight. Also: something something Nietzsche and Schopenhaur.
posted by Skygazer at 7:00 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

Revolting Cocks: You've successfully seduced someone whose favorite band is Ministry.
posted by box at 7:53 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pigface: You've attempted to seduce someone whose favorite band is Ministry.
posted by box at 7:56 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's true that sometimes the band name is a place to hang the punchline, but a lot of it really does depend on knowing something about the band.

I didn't laugh out loud at this article until I got to the one about The Clash. And then Sys Rq's one about the Weddoes.
posted by mippy at 4:08 AM on July 7, 2011

Aztec Camera: You button the top button
posted by mrgrimm at 10:11 AM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

Icicle Works: You lost your virginity under the stars
posted by mrgrimm at 10:15 AM on July 7, 2011

Lemonheads: You hate your friends

Soul Asylum: You hate yourself
posted by mrgrimm at 10:24 AM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction: You spend most of your days trolling metal fans

Belinda Carlisle: You spend most of your days trolling Go-Gos fans

Belinda Carlisle + Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction: You spend most of your days trolling MetaFilter
posted by mrgrimm at 12:30 PM on July 7, 2011

Front 242: You go to the gym way too much, speak with a phony German accent, and enjoy being spanked and manhandled occasionally.
posted by Skygazer at 1:08 PM on July 7, 2011

Soul Asylum: You still regret not taking the guitar from David Pirner when he tried to hand it to you, to come up on stage and jam with them, during the raucous free-for-all last song, that time you saw them at Bard College in 1987 (or was it '88?), back when they were such an awe-inspiring great band, and much much time before Runaway Train and their lame years as a BIG act...
posted by Skygazer at 1:13 PM on July 7, 2011

The Go-Betweens: You miss Grant McClennan. What a genius. RIP.*

The Cramps: You miss Lux. What a genius. RIP.

Alex Chilton: (See above, to the nth power.)

*Although you're thrilled to have discovered the brilliant cover of Bachelor Kisses, by the quite excellent Radio Dept. who will be giving a free concert in your town on June 15th at South Street Seaport.
posted by Skygazer at 1:29 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

Rocket from the Crypt: You don't regret that tattoo one goddamn bit.
posted by box at 5:38 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

It's funny how many of the acts here really were my favorite bands of the 80s at one point or another, including yes, Rocket from the Crypt (though now that I think about it, they seem pretty early 90s ...)

House of Love: You're still walking with me

House of Freaks: You'll meet me on that lonesome road

House of Lords: You are Gene Simmons
posted by mrgrimm at 11:00 AM on July 8, 2011

Hoodoo Gurus: You are my sword
posted by mrgrimm at 11:03 AM on July 8, 2011

Wait a minute ... no Sugarcubes? Or Violent Femmes?

The Sugarcubes: You are squeeeeky clean

The Violent Femmes: You dig the black girls
posted by mrgrimm at 11:15 AM on July 8, 2011

They Might Be Giants: You have eaten lunch in a school cafeteria, alone, while reading The Lord of the Rings.

This is so close to accurate it isn't even funny. However, I think if you change The Lord of the Rings to Hitchhiker's Guide then you have seriously described all TMBG fans.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:40 AM on July 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

Front 242: You go to the gym way too much, speak with a phony German accent, and enjoy being spanked and manhandled occasionally.

You're thinking of DAF. Front 242 are Belgian.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:33 AM on July 9, 2011

SPK: You enjoy rubbing one out, to the REsearch, Industrial Culture Handbook.

Front 242 are Belgian.

Ja, ja I know diss. I am making za funny!!
posted by Skygazer at 12:19 PM on July 9, 2011

fields of the nephilim - it doesn't matter how late you are, you're not leaving the house until all your hair is crimped
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:44 AM on July 10, 2011

every time I see that in a humorous context I think of Dave Barry who said that using the word hamster automatically makes something funny.

It doesn't.

I'll trade a "hamster" moratorium petition signature for a "midget" moratorium petition signature, 10 favorites and a sockpuppet "midget moratorium signature ("midget" is that much more urgent than "hamster" in this case).
posted by herbplarfegan at 12:24 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

« Older "Out of 53 species [of bacteria found in my b... | Beer Brewing Cinemagraphs from... Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments

Huey Lewis and the News: You are hanging from monkey bars in two or more successive class pictures July 5, 2011 11:49 AM Subscribe

Huey Lewis and the News: You are hanging from monkey bars in two or more successive class pictures
July 5, 2011 11:49 AM Subscribe