Making-Of sicherstes Fahrradschloss
July 12, 2011 8:07 PM Subscribe
The way to make a very secure lock for your bike. Auf Deutsch, but the working of the device is clear. Webpage for the invention, Google Translated, apparently with a parts list.
Hmm. Neat concept. I can see legions of trained monkeys next time I'm in Berlin though.
To prevent the proliferation of primate faganism however, I think this may be my next lock.
posted by bonehead at 8:22 PM on July 12, 2011 [7 favorites]
To prevent the proliferation of primate faganism however, I think this may be my next lock.
posted by bonehead at 8:22 PM on July 12, 2011 [7 favorites]
That was awesome.
I wonder how hard it'd be to fit a wider range of utility poles...
posted by brennen at 8:38 PM on July 12, 2011
I wonder how hard it'd be to fit a wider range of utility poles...
posted by brennen at 8:38 PM on July 12, 2011
...until the batteries run out and your bike is stuck up there, forever.
posted by not_on_display at 8:43 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by not_on_display at 8:43 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Brings to mind Justice Thomas' famous phrase "a high-tech lynching".
posted by squalor at 8:47 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by squalor at 8:47 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
And since we all know bike thieves have firm moral stances on never using ladders ...
posted by Rhomboid at 9:03 PM on July 12, 2011
posted by Rhomboid at 9:03 PM on July 12, 2011
This is neat not so much for the security, but for making parking space where there is none.
posted by 2N2222 at 9:05 PM on July 12, 2011
posted by 2N2222 at 9:05 PM on July 12, 2011
Weight of bike with carbon frame and high end components (that you'd want a really effective lock for): 8 or 9kg
Weight of this lock: probably the same.
I think I'd rather just ride into town on a 20kg mild-steel bike that no-one will look at twice.
posted by KirkpatrickMac at 9:08 PM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Weight of this lock: probably the same.
I think I'd rather just ride into town on a 20kg mild-steel bike that no-one will look at twice.
posted by KirkpatrickMac at 9:08 PM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Heh, now hipsters will carry TWO messanger bags.
posted by c13 at 9:09 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by c13 at 9:09 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Reminds me of a gizmo with a chainsaw. The saw's bar was vertical and it would spiral up a tree and cut all the limbs off. When the tree got skinny enough that it lost traction, it would coast back down. It probably had a funny name in German, but then again, everything has a funny name in German.
posted by warbaby at 9:12 PM on July 12, 2011
posted by warbaby at 9:12 PM on July 12, 2011
Is Germany currently accepting applications?
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 9:14 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 9:14 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Looks just like a gun lock, to a kindergartner: just defeat it with a rock
posted by Blasdelb at 9:30 PM on July 12, 2011
posted by Blasdelb at 9:30 PM on July 12, 2011
yeah the guy laughing at the end didn't give it away a little bit?
posted by setanor at 9:30 PM on July 12, 2011
posted by setanor at 9:30 PM on July 12, 2011
> IT IS HILARIOUS
"der gnadenlos effiziente, aber humorlose Ingenieur"
posted by stbalbach at 9:31 PM on July 12, 2011
"der gnadenlos effiziente, aber humorlose Ingenieur"
posted by stbalbach at 9:31 PM on July 12, 2011
I think I'd rather just ride into town on a 20kg mild-steel bike that no-one will look at twice.
If it's the SAME weight, you'd rather do that?
posted by setanor at 9:32 PM on July 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
If it's the SAME weight, you'd rather do that?
posted by setanor at 9:32 PM on July 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
THIS IS REALLY IMPRACTICAL THEREFORE I PEDANTICALLY REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT IS HILARIOUS
*shrugs*
Pedagogues gonna pedal.
posted by KirkpatrickMac at 9:50 PM on July 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
*shrugs*
Pedagogues gonna pedal.
posted by KirkpatrickMac at 9:50 PM on July 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
I always wanted to rig a Clapper ("Clap on/Clap Off") and the capacitor from a cattle prod to make an electrified bike lock.
posted by eegphalanges at 9:51 PM on July 12, 2011
posted by eegphalanges at 9:51 PM on July 12, 2011
Pedagogues gonna pedal.
Didn't you want "pedants"?
Oh. Dammit.
posted by brennen at 10:31 PM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Didn't you want "pedants"?
Oh. Dammit.
posted by brennen at 10:31 PM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Hah! What a fun gadget. It'd suck if someone double parked under ya though.
posted by calamari kid at 10:32 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by calamari kid at 10:32 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Way back when, when people used to actually go to the CNE, this fence along Strachan Avenue would be parked two high for almost its entire length; 50-100m. Something like this, only a lot more. It was pretty cool :)
posted by Chuckles at 11:02 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Chuckles at 11:02 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Well duh, this is clearly not for use by you and me.
It's for Batman.
posted by Brocktoon at 11:20 PM on July 12, 2011
It's for Batman.
posted by Brocktoon at 11:20 PM on July 12, 2011
Oh, Germany.
posted by contraption at 11:23 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by contraption at 11:23 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
That TiGr lock bonehead linked to makes me want to buy a bike just so I can have it.
posted by mrnutty at 11:40 PM on July 12, 2011
posted by mrnutty at 11:40 PM on July 12, 2011
This is a briliant hilarious ad, even more so because the kind of guys who would go to the lengths of building something complicated, using just parts they bought from the 'baumarkt' or from the 'hobby' section of big chain store like Conrad, well, they are a typical subset of German males and oh this is just so spot on.
"der gnadenlos effiziente, aber humorlose Ingenieur"
Exactly!
posted by bitteschoen at 12:34 AM on July 13, 2011
"der gnadenlos effiziente, aber humorlose Ingenieur"
Exactly!
posted by bitteschoen at 12:34 AM on July 13, 2011
and in a high-tech twist on double padlocking someone's bike to the fence so you can come back and steal it late at night, you can trivially screw someone using this by sending another one up the pole to block them there until you come back with a ladder...
posted by russm at 12:41 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by russm at 12:41 AM on July 13, 2011
I love how people who think this is an implausible solution support their claims with ladder-carrying, tree-climbing, monkey-training bike thieves.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 12:56 AM on July 13, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by obiwanwasabi at 12:56 AM on July 13, 2011 [6 favorites]
rauf, runter, Disko!
posted by ts;dr at 4:52 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by ts;dr at 4:52 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I can imagine someone else coming along and not finding a place to lock his bike, using the same pole and locking it right underneath.
posted by Obscure Reference at 5:09 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by Obscure Reference at 5:09 AM on July 13, 2011
I want this so hard.
Right now my strong lock is 5-pound, thick steel chain, with a 1-pound padlock, pretty small opening. Over Thanksgiving I broke the key off and couldn't pick it, so I called campus security. Broke their boltcutters, bought a hacksaw and dulled it, getting maybe 1/3 of the way through one side of the lock. Ended up buying an angle grinder, ran through about 2.5 4" cut-off disks before it finally was free.
Unfortunately, I don't always want to carry another 6 or 7 pounds of lock with me on a grocery run, so I also have a crappy little cable lock. Which is probably a stupid idea, but I figure that my bike is insured and beat up, if someone steals it oh well.
But man, if I could lock my bike up the pole? I'm already "that guy" biking on a Ute throughout the winter. I haven't fully cemented my crazyman status yet, this is just what I need.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:35 AM on July 13, 2011
Right now my strong lock is 5-pound, thick steel chain, with a 1-pound padlock, pretty small opening. Over Thanksgiving I broke the key off and couldn't pick it, so I called campus security. Broke their boltcutters, bought a hacksaw and dulled it, getting maybe 1/3 of the way through one side of the lock. Ended up buying an angle grinder, ran through about 2.5 4" cut-off disks before it finally was free.
Unfortunately, I don't always want to carry another 6 or 7 pounds of lock with me on a grocery run, so I also have a crappy little cable lock. Which is probably a stupid idea, but I figure that my bike is insured and beat up, if someone steals it oh well.
But man, if I could lock my bike up the pole? I'm already "that guy" biking on a Ute throughout the winter. I haven't fully cemented my crazyman status yet, this is just what I need.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:35 AM on July 13, 2011
Forget bike locks. I just use a cherry picker.
posted by orme at 5:44 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by orme at 5:44 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I used to cycle in Washington DC and carried a >5lb bike lock. While this is tempting, it seems a tad over engineered. Most thefts seem to be the result of leaving a nice bike too long in a bad place or improper use of the lock itself. I can imagine various ways that people will shoot themselves in the foot with this system too, but I admire what they have done. Besides, in all my ruminations about bike lock systems they have done better than me. All I could come up with was some form of electric shock, which I'm sure would run me afoul of the law.
posted by dgran at 6:36 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by dgran at 6:36 AM on July 13, 2011
I think that the fun and challenge of defeating such a system outweighs the security it is likely to bring.
Assuming the pole is tapered, I'd wrap a chain around the pole a few times up as high as I could reach, and let the thing drop and wedge up high enough that it would be very difficult to get the bike back down.
Or I could build a second one, with a different code, and run it up the pole under the original one.
posted by MikeWarot at 7:46 AM on July 13, 2011
Assuming the pole is tapered, I'd wrap a chain around the pole a few times up as high as I could reach, and let the thing drop and wedge up high enough that it would be very difficult to get the bike back down.
Or I could build a second one, with a different code, and run it up the pole under the original one.
posted by MikeWarot at 7:46 AM on July 13, 2011
ladder-carrying, tree-climbing, monkey-training bike thieves
And blimp bandits! Don't forget the bimp bandits.
posted by bonehead at 8:26 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
And blimp bandits! Don't forget the bimp bandits.
posted by bonehead at 8:26 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
municipalities should buy these for all their utility poles as a way to raise revenue. Charge a quarter for someone to lock up the bike for an hour and after that hour the bike just comes down to street level. So you can lock your bike up for free at street level and pay extra for the added security.
posted by any major dude at 9:03 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by any major dude at 9:03 AM on July 13, 2011
Dear German inventors: "run it up the flagpole" is usually intended as a cliché.
posted by Graygorey at 9:52 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by Graygorey at 9:52 AM on July 13, 2011
Right now my strong lock is 5-pound, thick steel chain, with a 1-pound padlock[...] ran through about 2.5 4" cut-off disks before it finally was free.
Inquiring minds want to know: what is the make and model of said lock and chain?
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 1:13 PM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Inquiring minds want to know: what is the make and model of said lock and chain?
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 1:13 PM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm interested too. Usually anything grade 50 and below will yeilf to a set of bolt cutters and an abrasive disk, as long as you don't bend them, will easily cut through grade 50-80.
posted by Mitheral at 2:59 PM on July 13, 2011
posted by Mitheral at 2:59 PM on July 13, 2011
Inquiring minds want to know: what is the make and model of said lock and chain?
No kidding. I'm pretty sure I've never owned anything other than a u-lock that would have taken more than about 30 seconds to cut with real tools. (And I'm not all that convinced the u-lock would take much longer.)
posted by brennen at 3:17 PM on July 13, 2011
No kidding. I'm pretty sure I've never owned anything other than a u-lock that would have taken more than about 30 seconds to cut with real tools. (And I'm not all that convinced the u-lock would take much longer.)
posted by brennen at 3:17 PM on July 13, 2011
I'll check tomorrow evening. It's entirely possible I was just hacking & grinding incompetently, having never seriously done it before. But I'll check.
posted by Lemurrhea at 8:28 PM on July 13, 2011
posted by Lemurrhea at 8:28 PM on July 13, 2011
That was a really well-executed "making of" video with a good payoff at the end. Thanks for posting it.
posted by fake at 9:45 PM on July 13, 2011
posted by fake at 9:45 PM on July 13, 2011
« Older Oh, It's On! | NOT SURE IF WANT Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:16 PM on July 12, 2011