"Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders" (1979)

September 8, 2011 12:43 PM

Your NFL team probably has cheerleaders. But this team's cheerleaders had a movie made about them. And because they're from a place where they like to do things big, when that movie was broadcast, it was viewed on 60% of the televisions in use at the time.

The second* most watched made-for-TV movie in history was a production of the American Broadcasting Company. At the time, it was the most successful television network in the country - thanks to "jiggle" programming like Three's Company, Charlie's Angels, and Battle of the Network Stars.

posted by Trurl (78 comments total)

Kill me.
posted by stormpooper at 12:48 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

The best NFL teams don't have cheerleaders.
posted by drezdn at 12:48 PM on September 8, 2011 [10 favorites]

The best NFL teams don't have cheerleaders.

Also, some pretty bad ones too.
posted by drezdn at 12:49 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

The best NFL teams don't have cheerleaders.

QFT
posted by King Bee at 12:49 PM on September 8, 2011

Forget the cheerleaders of Dallas in 79, we had Roger the Dodger and that was all we needed.
posted by Senator at 12:50 PM on September 8, 2011

That doesn't look like Debbie Does Dallas.
posted by xorry at 12:51 PM on September 8, 2011 [10 favorites]

No, the Giants do not have cheerleaders, we feel feel it detracts from the purity of the sport. We New Yorkers are a quiet, simple people, who abhor spectacle of any sort.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:52 PM on September 8, 2011 [24 favorites]

The best NFL teams don't have cheerleaders.

I thought every NFL team had cheerleaders? Is that not the case? Or is there some joke I'm missing?
posted by jcreigh at 12:53 PM on September 8, 2011

I thought every NFL team had cheerleaders?

Not every team has cheerleaders.
posted by drezdn at 12:54 PM on September 8, 2011

The Steelers of Pittsburgh do not have cheerleaders.

Legend has it Mrs. Rooney found them unseemly.
posted by stubby phillips at 12:55 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

Neither team in the last Superbowl had cheerleaders. But that was anomalous. (And disappointing.)
posted by Trurl at 12:56 PM on September 8, 2011

Five NFL teams and the Browns don't have cheerleaders.
posted by octothorpe at 12:56 PM on September 8, 2011 [34 favorites]

If you actually go to an NFL game and aren't lucky enough to have a field-level seat, you probably haven't seen the cheerleaders. If you watch the games on TV, on the other hand, you've seen them. A lot.

Not that they actually lead any cheers, of course.
posted by tommasz at 12:57 PM on September 8, 2011

Oh God, I remember this when it aired. I hadn't realized it was such a landmark for made-for-tv movies.

Only somewhat relatedly, science cheerleaders -- current and former pro cheerleaders who are or are studying to be in STEM fields.
posted by rmd1023 at 12:58 PM on September 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

Brrr, it's cold in here...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:00 PM on September 8, 2011

I dunno, I tend to see professional sports cheerleaders and their routines as rather anti-sexual and tedious.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 1:02 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

"jiggle" programming

Back in the day, kids, studio Gainax didn't exist and we had to do these things with live actors.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:03 PM on September 8, 2011 [7 favorites]

THE DALLAS COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS

...

also starring
The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders

That just doesn't seem right.
posted by mazola at 1:06 PM on September 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

60 % of home viewers in 1979 before the proliferation of basic cable? What was the counterprogramming?
posted by Ideefixe at 1:07 PM on September 8, 2011

Five NFL teams and the Browns...

Heh.

And from that link -- the Rams
cheerleaders used to be called the "Embraceable Ewes"?!? WTF?
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

I dunno, I tend to see professional sports cheerleaders and their routines as rather anti-sexual and tedious.

Then try the "Battle of the Network Stars" link. If Karen Grassle adjusting her wet maillot doesn't put lead in your pencil, I don't know what will.
posted by Trurl at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Here's something I've always wondered but felt too stupid to ask:

What do cheerleaders do?
posted by bondcliff at 1:11 PM on September 8, 2011

The best NFL teams don't have cheerleaders.

The Lions don't have cheerleaders.

BOOM. Debunked.
posted by fusinski at 1:11 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

There must have been several versions of Battle of the Network Stars no? I clearly remever Bronson Pinchot being a "network star" on the show.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:12 PM on September 8, 2011

What do cheerleaders do?

The answer, obvious from the word itself (a compound of cheer + leader), is: put on lingerie to sell calendars.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:13 PM on September 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

The best NFL teams don't have cheerleaders.

The Lions don't have cheerleaders.

BOOM. Debunked.

That only debunks the converse of the original statement. The best NFL teams don't have cheerleaders is not logically equivalent to teams without cheerleaders are the best.
posted by kmz at 1:13 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Embraceable Ewes

Well, hel-lo, Dolly.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:15 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

I would have assumed that most professional football cheerleaders had by now been replaced with Homeland Security fembots.
posted by longsleeves at 1:17 PM on September 8, 2011

We're the cheerleaders from Norfolk High!
We don't drink!
We don't smoke!

NOOOOOORRRR FOLK!!!
posted by not_on_display at 1:18 PM on September 8, 2011 [5 favorites]

There must have been several versions of Battle of the Network Stars no? I clearly remever Bronson Pinchot being a "network star" on the show.

You may be thinking of Circus of the Stars.
posted by Trurl at 1:20 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Cheerleaders are also hideously underpaid, despite the fact that cheerleading has become quite a dangerous sport. I

If you need any more reasons to hate on cheerleading, that is.
posted by emjaybee at 1:22 PM on September 8, 2011

Remeber the XFL Cheerleaders? I was a big fan of the XFL, I wanted to get in on the ground floor of an awesome new league. Then I could say I was a fan before it was cool.

You may be thinking of Circus of the Stars.

Yep, that is it.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:22 PM on September 8, 2011

Cheerleaders are also hideously underpaid, despite the fact that cheerleading has become quite a dangerous sport.

NFL cheerleading has nothing to do with high school and college cheerleading. Apples and oranges.
posted by justgary at 1:24 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

What do cheerleaders do?

Real cheerleaders do cirque du soleil style routines. Squads of 250 pound musclemen hurl little tiny women into high altitude backflips.

I saw a lot of this when I was in marching band, and I started why playing a game where you grab hold of other men in skintight pants is more stereotypically hetero-masculine than male cheerleading.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:24 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

And from that link -- the Rams cheerleaders used to be called the "Embraceable Ewes"?!? WTF?


Giving new meaning to the lyric "Don't be a naughty baby. Come to papa, come to papa do"

Which didn't need any help being creepy.

And rag on the Battle of the Network Stars (and Circus of the Stars and any other TV event from my youth with "Stars" in the title), but comparing it to today's Dancing with the Stars proves that the value of the term "Star" has depreciated quite a bit.

Also, Battle of the Network Stars was awesome.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:24 PM on September 8, 2011

Ah, classic MNF theme music and Howard Cosell, takes me back to my youth. I'd watch the game, and then go to bed dreaming of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders on the poster over my bed.

I also had the classic Farrah Fawcett in the red bathing suit poster in my room. I was 10. What the hell were my parents thinking?
posted by COD at 1:27 PM on September 8, 2011

God what a crap movie. Even at the time it was an obvious display of many things that were wrong with TV, football, Texas and America.
posted by cccorlew at 1:28 PM on September 8, 2011

Stupid sexy Cowboys.
posted by Dr. Zira at 1:29 PM on September 8, 2011

Access Denied (content_filter_denied)

Your request was denied because of its content categorization: "Intimate Apparel/Swimsuit;Sports/Recreation".

I can't tell you how large my "check this out when not behind the corporate firewall" bookmark folder is. Because it's embarrassing. Though I suppose admitting to even having one might be considered embarrassing as well.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:42 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

What the hell were my parents thinking?

"At least he isn't out embracing ewes."
posted by Wolfdog at 1:46 PM on September 8, 2011

Real cheerleaders do cirque du soleil style routines.

Yeah, it's nuts how many people have this idea of cheerleaders being tit-shaking bimbos. Most of the serious ones are straight up athletes who take gymnastics seriously, and also have quads that could crush diamonds.
posted by elizardbits at 1:52 PM on September 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

I can't tell you how large my "check this out when not behind the corporate firewall" bookmark folder is.

You can add x69twisted.com which, despite the URL, is a PG-rated photopalooza of DCC pulchritude past and present.
posted by Trurl at 1:56 PM on September 8, 2011

We are having the lingere bowl at a stadium near us. Who are the cheerleaders? Men in chaps?
posted by stormpooper at 2:03 PM on September 8, 2011

Five NFL teams and the Browns don't have cheerleaders.
posted by octothorpe at 14:56 on September 8

The Browns are bad, but they are still technically an NFL team.
posted by Bonky Moon at 2:13 PM on September 8, 2011

THAT'S THE JOKE
posted by roll truck roll at 2:21 PM on September 8, 2011 [7 favorites]

The Browns are the joke?
posted by maryr at 2:24 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

tragedy, then as a farce
posted by dismas at 2:26 PM on September 8, 2011 [5 favorites]

As in so many things, Molly Ivins provides insight that cuts through layers of BS. With regards to the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders she observed that they represent the completely messed up attitudes towards sex that are held by a majority of Texans.

Link to the relevant text here.
posted by sotonohito at 2:35 PM on September 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

NFL cheerleading has nothing to do with high school and college cheerleading.

This was not always the case. I attended St. Louis Park High School (1971-1974) during the years (1964-1983) when the "Parkettes" were the official cheerleaders for the Minnesota Vikings.
posted by marsha56 at 2:39 PM on September 8, 2011

NFL cheerleading has nothing to do with high school and college cheerleading.

To back up marsha56, while the Green Bay Packers (GO PACK GO) have no cheerleaders of their own, if you see any on the sidelines, they'll be from nearby St. Norbert's college.
posted by drezdn at 2:59 PM on September 8, 2011

emjaybee Pro football cheerleaders aren't doing those stunts that competitive cheerleaders do. And in 1979, no one was doing those moves, at any level. Is competitive cheering more dangerous than gymnastics?
posted by Ideefixe at 3:04 PM on September 8, 2011

> Is competitive cheering more dangerous than gymnastics?

Seems pretty dangerous.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 3:08 PM on September 8, 2011

dallas has cheerleaders and cage dancers now.

also, the under paid thing doesn't take into account the huge amount of money they make on licensing and appearances and the like.

also, also: the season starts tonight! squee!!
posted by nadawi at 3:09 PM on September 8, 2011

Trurl: “Your NFL team probably has cheerleaders.”

I'm a New Mexican. My NFL team doesn't even have players.
posted by koeselitz at 3:11 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't have an NFL team.

The movie is appalling. The first metric they appear to use to pick cheerleaders is how pretty they are; the second, how well they can dance to disco in front of four judges one of which, inexplicably, is an attorney.

These women have to have a job or be in school, and they have to practice every evening, including weekends. They have to buy their own uniforms. And apparently, from what they show, they just dance around the field. No gymnastics in sight.

My favourite line: "Lay off the french fries."

Nice.
posted by Hildegarde at 3:15 PM on September 8, 2011

The five words that will sell me on absolutely ANYTHING??:

SPECIAL GUEST STAR
BERT CONVY
posted by tristeza at 3:22 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

The Bears don't have cheerleaders.
posted by Hop123 at 3:22 PM on September 8, 2011

they're basically models who shake pompoms. of course they're selected on their looks first. i do find it interesting how similar hugh hefner and jerry jones tastes are...
posted by nadawi at 3:22 PM on September 8, 2011

I don't understand all the hate towards the movie. To a certain impressionable 3 year old in NJ, that movie was serious boner fuel.
posted by Renoroc at 3:27 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

The five words that will sell me on absolutely ANYTHING??: SPECIAL GUEST STAR BERT CONVY

An IMDb user review of the movie:

Throughout his career Bert Convy built a reputation as an affable nonentity, but now and then there were hints of the resentment and misery that must surely fester within every self-acknowledged cipher, and you can sense some real malice beneath the blow-dried cardboard villain that Convy plays here. Maybe Convy could have played a brilliant Ted Bundy.
posted by Trurl at 3:28 PM on September 8, 2011

> Maybe Convy could have played a brilliant Ted Bundy.

He'll never take that away from Mark Harmon.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 3:33 PM on September 8, 2011

Renoroc: I don't understand all the hate towards the movie. To a certain impressionable 3 year old in NJ, that movie was serious boner fuel.

What the FUCK?!?!
posted by hincandenza at 3:34 PM on September 8, 2011 [6 favorites]

Whoa, I have an NFL team? What am I doing working this crummy job, then?
posted by Eideteker at 3:38 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Huh, so half the teams without cheerleader are in the NFC North?

The Bears used to have them, called the Honey Bears, but got rid of them. In other news, Jay Cutler is going to be amazing this year and this Bears will roll to the Super Bowl.

Bear down!
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 3:40 PM on September 8, 2011

The best NFL teams don't have cheerleaders.

This is just bad for the pornography industry.
posted by hal_c_on at 3:56 PM on September 8, 2011

If Karen Grassle adjusting her wet maillot doesn't put lead in your pencil, I don't know what will.

Gross.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:27 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm pretty sure if I were in charge of what video was shown during football games it would be all cheerleaders with the score scrolling down at the bottom of the screen*.

*Who am I kidding I wouldn't bother with the score.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:41 PM on September 8, 2011

Boobs, right?!
posted by shakespeherian at 5:00 PM on September 8, 2011

There was an American remake of Man About the House?!
posted by onya at 5:01 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I wish the first cut of every job application involved getting up in groups of six and showing off our best disco moves.
posted by mazola at 5:05 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

60 % of home viewers in 1979 before the proliferation of basic cable? What was the counterprogramming?

CBS had episodes of Kaz and Dallas. NBC had The Wonderful World of Disney, featuring part 2 of Donovan's Kid, followed by the news magazine program "Weekend."
posted by Knappster at 5:14 PM on September 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

We New Yorkers are a quiet, simple people, who abhor spectacle of any sort.

Is that why you play in New Jersey?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:46 PM on September 8, 2011

Jay Cutler is going to be amazing this year and this Bears will roll to the Super Bowl.


Jay Cutler? Amazing?
posted by drezdn at 6:48 PM on September 8, 2011

Legend has it Mrs. Rooney found them unseemly.

He's totally cool with that quarterback of his though.
posted by The Hamms Bear at 7:08 PM on September 8, 2011

Jay Cutler? Amazing?

I have no idea how he can throw at all with all that extra junk.

Yes, I know it's the other one.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 7:32 PM on September 8, 2011

I had to google who Bert Convy was, and had a moment where I realized, "Whoa! The host of Win, Lose or Draw is dead?!" and then my brain shut off in protest of my having formed those thoughts with exclamation points. No offence to Bert Convy.
posted by neuromodulator at 7:47 PM on September 8, 2011

Jay Cutler? Extra junk?
posted by Dano St at 8:38 PM on September 8, 2011

A few years ago, a conservative watchdog group tried to block the sale of liquor for a Hooters restaurant in Arlington (location of the Cowboys stadium). Here's a link to the story.

It was a hotly contested debate in the Dallas community for a few years, with a pitched PR battle by both sides. The argument by the conservative group was that Hooters was an immoral place, akin to a strip club, and should not be allowed to sell alcohol because of the area the restaurant was zoned.

There were many Arlington City Council meetings that centered around this debate, with both sides arguing before the council. The meeting that caused the fight to die down in the public arena was the one where a citizen testified that we already had a business in Arlington that sold alcohol, that had provocatively dressed women dancing very much like strippers.

And that citizen held up a poster of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
posted by lootie777 at 1:38 AM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]