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September 30, 2011 5:44 PM   Subscribe

DVD cover art for films Criterion hasn't released.
posted by dobbs (30 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

 
A little gaudy for Criterion covers, though.
posted by Redfield at 5:50 PM on September 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


Basically pretty good. Although a couple titles like The Night Porter and The Third Man are already on Criterion.
posted by Rashomon at 5:57 PM on September 30, 2011


I don't like the super busy ones but there's some really nice ones in there (I especially liked Michael Clayton).

There should be a CC release of The Road Warrior. With humungous bonus features. That'd be sweet indeed.
posted by stinkycheese at 6:18 PM on September 30, 2011


A better blog would feature fake Criterion Collection covers for bad movies, like Howard the Duck, Norbit, or Armageddon.

Wait... the fuck?
posted by dgaicun at 6:21 PM on September 30, 2011 [9 favorites]


Ha ha, but Criterion actually did release a DVD of Armageddon. To their eternal shame.
posted by stinkycheese at 6:33 PM on September 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ha ha, I should have clicked your link.
posted by stinkycheese at 6:34 PM on September 30, 2011 [2 favorites]


And their cover for The Night Porter was better.
posted by Trurl at 6:35 PM on September 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


Some of these are pitch perfect. I wonder if this is a not-so-subtle "hire me, Criterion!" portfolio.
posted by naju at 6:44 PM on September 30, 2011


There's also Fake Criterions (previously), on which some of these have been featured.
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 6:52 PM on September 30, 2011


I wonder if this is a not-so-subtle "hire me, Criterion!" portfolio.

Either that or a creative exercise or random portfolio stuff or something a graphic design prof asked his students to do. I've seen enough links on Metafilter now to minimalist movie posters, alternate book covers, and alternate movie packaging to confirm that I actually really enjoy looking at good graphic design.
posted by Hoopo at 6:54 PM on September 30, 2011


Wait... the fuck?

It actually fits the Criterion mission, when you think about it objectively. Criterion is cataloging and celebrating important, representative films in the cinema history landscape. They could have chosen any of the latter period Michael Bay films, but really, who else do you think of when you think of the big bombastic explosion heavy 00's or late 90's American cinema? Michael Bay.
posted by cavalier at 7:00 PM on September 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


For anyone wondering why Armageddon was selected for the Criterion Collection (basically, what cavalier said), I recommend reading the Criterion Contraption's post (as well as the CC blog in general).
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:05 PM on September 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


For future fake covers I like to think good use could be made of this Sean Philips picture of Tom Selleck .
posted by Artw at 7:08 PM on September 30, 2011


A couple of those look pretty good, but I'd say in general Criterion covers are better... which makes sense, really. I just got Blow Out in the mail and can't wait to watch it.
posted by Huck500 at 7:19 PM on September 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


Dunno. Some of the grid-style layouts, most notably Blade Runner, Fight Club and Blues Brothers, really didn't click, and didn't do the films justice at all. Too much noise, not enough signal, especially for films notable for having scenes of the distilled, perfect moment.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:20 PM on September 30, 2011


Huck500, I thought you were talking about Blow Up. I was really confused for about 30 seconds there...
posted by duvatney at 7:33 PM on September 30, 2011


While Criterion Contraption's rationale for Criterion's inclusion of Armageddon is quaint and cute, the real reason is that Disney paid them a shedload of money to do it, as per Michael Bay's contract, same as with The Rock. At the time, this was how Criterion kept the telecines running.
posted by incessant at 7:47 PM on September 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


That Blade Runner one looks like the BR wrapping paper I made a few years ago.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:03 PM on September 30, 2011


Huck500, I thought you were talking about Blow Up. I was really confused for about 30 seconds there...

Whereas I thought he was talking about Blow Out
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:09 PM on September 30, 2011


Oh hey I have Blow Out from the library right now. I fell asleep watching it last night (it was #2 in a double feature b/w Black Swan).

Two process blogs for actual almost Criterion covers: Eric Skillman & Sam Smith
posted by carsonb at 8:25 PM on September 30, 2011


Oh, and another WTF criterion: The Rock
posted by carsonb at 8:29 PM on September 30, 2011


Not that The Rock isn't freakin' awesome—it is, ... but.
posted by carsonb at 9:13 PM on September 30, 2011


I am constantly amazed at the sheer number of bored/out-of-work graphic designers.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 9:23 PM on September 30, 2011


What next? Graphic Designers will redux Kubrick posters or something?
posted by Napierzaza at 9:44 PM on September 30, 2011


Great still he chose for The Last Detail, but I really dislike faux distressed textures. It's the bevel and emboss of the late-Photoshop era
posted by bendybendy at 9:47 PM on September 30, 2011 [1 favorite]


I heard years ago that the Michael Bay stuff was what they had to do to secure the Wes Anderson stuff, but who knows how true that is.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 10:16 PM on September 30, 2011


I heard that they got Bay because they were in danger of going out of business at that point, and needed something that would move a lot of units.
posted by pxe2000 at 4:34 AM on October 1, 2011


The Thing should be a dog running through snow, as seen through cross-hairs.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:41 AM on October 1, 2011


Well, at least this isn't another hipster-with-a-copy-of-Illustrator exercise in uninformed minimalism. That said, most of these really miss the mark and are little more than collages of film stills. Meh.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:06 AM on October 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


"DVD cover art for films Criterion hasn't released."

And one ("Rochelle, Rochelle") which doesn't even exist.
posted by John Shaft at 1:45 PM on October 2, 2011


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