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SWITCHED BODIES WITH JOE BIDEN
October 15, 2011 10:16 PM   Subscribe


 
That is awesome.

I do this with my cats. But they have a lot more cats than I do. A lot more.
posted by meese at 10:27 PM on October 15, 2011 [4 favorites]


I have a helpless case of the giggles.
posted by jrochest at 10:40 PM on October 15, 2011 [1 favorite]


There's really nothing like a good cat PowerPoint presentation.
posted by obloquy at 10:51 PM on October 15, 2011 [1 favorite]


The stories I make up about my cats are...nursery rhymes in comparison.

Hats off.
posted by That's Numberwang! at 10:56 PM on October 15, 2011


It's revue not review.

Everything else was cool.
posted by sweetkid at 11:02 PM on October 15, 2011


It could be a literary journal.
posted by The Whelk at 11:03 PM on October 15, 2011 [3 favorites]


My cat RePete runs a high stakes poker game under my bed. Most of the time, he's winning.
posted by Fuego at 11:09 PM on October 15, 2011 [2 favorites]


My neighbors had a cat named Michael Phelps. He pretty much kicked the ass of every cat in the 'hood, and killed a giant rat once a day, until the rat population ran out, at which point he turned to squirrels and small rabbits.
posted by kaibutsu at 11:18 PM on October 15, 2011


I have a cat named after Anton LaVey because of his chin patch. That is all.
posted by oflinkey at 11:36 PM on October 15, 2011 [1 favorite]


My cat Coco is attempting the world record for apathy, when she can be bothered.
posted by tracicle at 12:09 AM on October 16, 2011 [5 favorites]


This vaguely reminds me of this one guy I know who keeps telling everyone who will listen that Maine Coon cats are the best cats in the whole world and categorically superior to all other cats.
posted by koeselitz at 12:24 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Every kitten I've ever owned has been incredibly foul-mouthed. It's a kitten thing.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 12:26 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


That's just silly.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:37 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


This vaguely reminds me of this one guy I know who keeps telling everyone who will listen that Maine Coon cats are the best cats in the whole world and categorically superior to all other cats.

Well, it's true.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:55 AM on October 16, 2011 [8 favorites]


Our last cat Imogene was an evil but poorly organized meglomaniac who stored her blueprints and plans for world domination under the bed.

Currently, Pimm is a cautious but deviously curious manipulator who spends his time convincing his dim and loving partner in crime Gimlet to do naughty things that can't be pinned on Pimm himself. Gimlet used to travel with a circus as Gimletto, The Amazing Boneless Cat.
posted by mostlymartha at 1:29 AM on October 16, 2011 [12 favorites]


I was not in the mood for cat silliness this morning but I sighed and watched anyway, then I LOLd because that was really good. I think I need some better stories about my cats.
posted by shelleycat at 2:36 AM on October 16, 2011


My cat Kanoko is an air quality and safety tester extraordinaire. Currently he's managing and implementing a project to test the resistance of polyester cord to methodical gnawing, so as to ensure that balls tied to sisal platforms only break after several days of gnawing and not merely after a few half-hearted chews.
posted by fraula at 2:37 AM on October 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


I don't believe that is Julius Caesar reincarnated. He looked too startled. Julius Caesar would be more calculating. And working harder at exploiting Patrician/Plebe tensions.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:55 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


My last cat would come out at parties, look at what some people chose to wear and then go into the kitchen and laugh herself into hysterics. She was very unforgiving about that sort of thing.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 3:00 AM on October 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Norma sure asks a lot of questions. Mostly about why she can't have a pony.

Pie has an extensive list of grievances.

I have a pretty elaborate story about one of my friend's cats. He is a 419 scammer in Africa (which is not the continent, but rather, a different dimension nicknamed after the continent) whose charm, lack of scruples, and advanced (CAUTION; FLASHING GIF)hypnosis techniques have made him very wealthy. He can afford a nice office, sports cars, and a fancy watch.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:27 AM on October 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


Pusslikeso was Inspector #19 at Levi Strauss until her job was outsourced to Canada.
She is currently unemployed, but has expressed interest in training to be a plumber.
posted by likeso at 4:21 AM on October 16, 2011


A flashing gif, ooh let me se- ALL HAIL HYPNOCAT!
posted by hincandenza at 4:33 AM on October 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


LOL WUT?
posted by Decani at 5:04 AM on October 16, 2011


Strong Larry is a bruiser, the one-time welterweight champion of the world.
Marco is new, and has not yet told us his story.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:55 AM on October 16, 2011


All cats should be named after famous historical figures, preferably tyrants. Full names only.
posted by tempythethird at 6:07 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


I think this is as good a place as any to mention my cat is named Queen Pretty. Thank you. God bless.
posted by to sir with millipedes at 6:29 AM on October 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


I'd like to introduce you to Dr. Izak Ezekiel "Jack" Jones but, of course, he's already seen to that himself.

And this is Cat. She'll cut you.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:42 AM on October 16, 2011


Our old roommate's cat couldn't be let outside, because if he ever got out there he'd start hanging out with the wrong-side-of-the-tracks raccoon gangs, and they'd teach him to talk mean and smoke cigarettes outside of the laundry room.

RIP Bully
posted by penduluum at 6:46 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


I was surprised to see a few of those cats are wearing doll clothes. Doll clothes that are not covered with the blood of their human companions.

(I now have a very strong urge to dress my cat Lord Conrad Blackcat up in something frilly.)
posted by jeather at 7:11 AM on October 16, 2011


Currently, Pimm is a cautious but deviously curious manipulator who spends his time convincing his dim and loving partner in crime Gimlet to do naughty things that can't be pinned on Pimm himself.

Pimm? Gimlet? Wait, are you Stephin Merritt? That's awesome.
posted by mintcake! at 7:52 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


This thread is great and I demand more photos.
posted by mintcake! at 7:53 AM on October 16, 2011


Veronica regularly communicated with the Mother Ship.

And Huey...he was just the best cat ever. He would have conversations with my best friend in the kitchen that consisted of:
Huey: chirp, mmmrrow?
BF: Fuck off, you're not getting any.
Huey: *blink* *blliiiinnnnnk* chirp?
BF: I said piss off *resumes cooking*
Huey: *rubs on BF's legs, reaches up and pats BF gently on leg* MMRRROW? Squeak? Ah? *blink*
BF: I SAID fuck off!
Huey: *collapses shamelessly and dramatically on floor from sheer hunger, turns upside down, bats at BF's shoes* CHIRP!?!?!
BF: *gives Huey cheese/chicken/whatever* NOW piss off.
posted by biscotti at 7:58 AM on October 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


I can add to this, sharing a bit about some cats I used to live with:

Dominic (Maine Coon) is pretty sure that the former owners of this house have stashed a fortune in cash somewhere in the walls or under the floorboards. He's only sticking around until he finds it.

Sully's (Seal Point Himalayan) dissertation is not going as well as he'd planned.

Most of Brutus' (big friendly black cat) stories about palling around Manhattan with Toots Shor are exaggerations, if not out-and-out lies.

Fatty (calico) is planning on firing all of you in the morning.
posted by .kobayashi. at 8:07 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm sending this to my girlfriend because she thinks it's strange that I talk to her cat like he's a world famous hip hop producer.

He has a kind of frenemy relationship with Kanye.
posted by mcmile at 8:59 AM on October 16, 2011 [5 favorites]


This vaguely reminds me of this one guy I know who keeps telling everyone who will listen that Maine Coon cats are the best cats in the whole world and categorically superior to all other cats.

greg nog will be here in his own time, there is no need to summon him.
posted by elizardbits at 9:18 AM on October 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Damn, that was way more fun I expected. I can't imagine NOT making up stories about your pets on a daily basis.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 9:18 AM on October 16, 2011


I thought about why I don't have stories for my cats and I realised it's because I don't need to exactly, it's all there in their names.

Macrophage (big black and white at the front) is a biology demonstration. He lies around all day, inert (the naive state), until we initiate the dinner call (or chemokine). At which time he moves directly to the kitchen where the call originated from (chemotaxis), becomes activated, and rapidly engulfs all the cat food in front of him (phagocytosis). His main story is that he's a total pussy who wants nothing more than to be as fat as possible (and at 6.6 kg he's doing pretty well).

Meanwhile, his sister Juniper is the round, blue-grey berry used to make gin ("mother's ruin"). She's a murderess, getting antsy when forced to go too long between killings.
posted by shelleycat at 9:32 AM on October 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


Mingus was a physicist specializing in string theory in a past life and constantly frets that he cannot hold a pencil to write down equations. Because of that, he now specializes in string.

Coltrane is Mingus' less-smart, more physically robust brother and was in a past life a luggage tester, which is why he is so prone to sit in suitcases.

Bootsy Collins (here he is in flight), our most recent addition, has a terrible lisp because his long fur is constantly getting stuck in his mouth when he tries to wash himself and is a professional blanket inspector.
posted by jocelmeow at 9:43 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


My cat Archie is an empiricist and must constantly check gravity to see if it still working. "It it working now? How about now? What about now?"

This is why everything must be knocked offshelves and why we cannot have nice things.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:51 AM on October 16, 2011 [8 favorites]


I don't have a cat, so I make up stories about my stuffed hippo. He is also a hat. You can see him in my profile.
posted by madcaptenor at 9:52 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Pretty chill dog - kittens
posted by homunculus at 10:03 AM on October 16, 2011


Yorvit is a record producer.
posted by rtha at 10:05 AM on October 16, 2011


(I got two kitties and a microphone)
posted by The Whelk at 10:08 AM on October 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Three kitties, even! (Yes, the bathroom floor is heated.)
posted by rtha at 10:31 AM on October 16, 2011


Ozzy is an ace cat detective.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:43 AM on October 16, 2011


Henrietta is a LARPer, attempting to cast lightning bolts at string and unsuspecting guinea pigs. With her eyes.
posted by ruhroh at 10:44 AM on October 16, 2011


Sven and Nikola, aka Spotty and Stripey, aka Kicky and Licky, aka Mr. Cat and Mr. Kitty, are brothers.

Sven thinks Josef Stalin got a bad rap. He's waiting for the revolution to begin anew so he can lead the way with an iron paw.

His little brother, Nikola, is fat and asthmatic, nerdy and gay, with a thing for bearded men. He likes ice cream, anime and would do amateur drag if he weren't so shy and self-conscious.

Sven really would rather not talk about his brother.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:59 AM on October 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Sven thinks Josef Stalin got a bad rap. He's waiting for the revolution to begin anew so he can lead the way with an iron paw.

My cat, Commie, is more of a Leninist, but I believe he could look past this difference of opinion for the sake of the Black and White Cat Revolution.

The other cat in that picture, Adi, is a die-hard, fat-cat capitalist and really gets tired of all this ridiculous "revolution" talk.

Strangely, neither cat approves of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Weirdos.
posted by meese at 11:30 AM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


After five years in my care, I've only just learned Nosy Parker's alias, "Dr. Phineas Q. Nosenstein". He refuses to share information from his dark past, and the only clues we have to his previous identity are his toe sucking fetish and an unholy affinity for boxes.

Needless to say, the investigation continues.
posted by Space Kitty at 12:26 PM on October 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


This might be a good place to say that TJ (of the Engineer's Guide to Cats Fame) just got a new cat. He talks! TJ, not the cat.
posted by Alnedra at 1:13 PM on October 16, 2011 [5 favorites]




(Oh my God, how did I miss The Engineers Guide to Cat Flatulence? It's amazing.)
posted by louche mustachio at 9:42 PM on October 16, 2011


This guy? With the engineering and the cats?

I LOVE HIM

posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:04 PM on October 16, 2011


My cat Quentin (orange tabby) was a celebrated South American football/soccer goalie in a previous life and in her spare time has invented a synthetic language she wishes others learn to speak with her because it would do the job Esperanto failed at doing in fostering world peace. Also, she would like some of that sour cream, please.
posted by aught at 8:17 AM on October 17, 2011


Boo Boo, a former dishwasher repair cat who loved to read the Thesaurus and visited quote sites for fun, is attempting a comeback after my lapsed blog no longer affords him the celebrity and fandom (of about three readers) he previously enjoyed. After a brief foray into porn, Boo Boo started a band, "Boo Boo and the Swinging Fat Sacks" and they have been practicing under the front porch in between naps. Boo plays upright bass and the striped oval fleece kitty bed. Sillyhead, the neighbourhood feral cat, is supposed to play guitar but mostly flees - which really limits their ability to perform in front of an audience. Bender, our neighbour's cat, scarfs all the kitty snacks and wants to be the drummer, but his human keeps calling him home.
posted by peagood at 9:12 AM on October 17, 2011


88 Lines about 44 Cats:

RePete runs a poker game, winning most games under the bed.
Michael Phelps kicked some ass, killing little rodents dead.
Anton’s chin patch recalled LeVay.. That is all, his owner said.
Cooco’s apathetic, when she could be bothered.

[humming]

Imogene was evil, she’d rule the world if she could find it.
Pimm sets up Gimlet to be naughty, Boneless Gimletto doesn’t mind it.
Kanoko likes to test the air, and to test what he can chew
Norma asked about a pony, the answer she already knew.

[humming]

Pie has some grievances, an extensive list, the queen of that,
Pusslikeso inspected denim pants, but learning plumbing is on tap.
Strong Larry is a bruiser, the one-time welterweight champion of the world.
Marco is new, and has not yet told us his story - his has yet to unfurl.

[humming]

Queen Pretty is as she does, there’s not much more to be said.
Dr. Izak Ezekiel "Jack" Jones introduces himself, or at least that’s what I’ve read.
Cat will cut you, and will leave you
Bully did, and so he’s dead.

[humming]

Veronica communicated with the Mother Ship, she could really see the light
Huey wouldn’t just fuck off, he’d wait for chicken half the night.
Dominic just sticks around, to find a fortune stashed in cash somewhere
Sully’s dissertation lags, he finds he doesn’t really care.

[humming]

Brutus palled around with Toots, truth or lies who really knows
Fatty’s going to fire you, you’d better not step on his toes.
Greg Nog’s cat will show up soon, he can’t resist, being a Maine Coone.
Macrophage lies around all day, attempting to be fatter soon.

[humming]

Juniper is a murderess, antsy between her killing sprees,
Mingus frets about opposable digits and specializes in string theories.
Coltrane sits in suitcases, testing luggage is his thing.
Bootsy has such long fur, inspecting blankets and lisping – he doesn’t do that shit at all.
Uh uh, not Bootsy.

[humming]

Archie is an empiricist, wrecks nice things with gravity
Yorvit produces records and experimentswith infinity.
Ozzy is a cat detective, bringing facts into the light
Henrietta’s eyes cast lightning bolts, especially the blue one on the right.

[humming]

Sven has many different names, he thinks Stalin was the shit
Nikola likes drag and bearded men but keeps his brother out of it.
Commie is a Leninist, but naps until the Revolution
Adi is a capitalist, who also prefers the shushies option

[humming]

Nosey Parker needs some boxhab - stat, substitutes by sucking toes
Norma wants to be a real boy, with louche mustachio as her Geppetto.
Pie wants to do your hair, grooming cause she really cares.
Boo Boo likes to front the band, he’s a big attention whore.
Silly likes to run away, thinks domestication is a bore.
Bender scarfs the kitty snacks and likes to hang out with the band...

[humming]

NEED MORE CAT NAMES
posted by peagood at 10:17 AM on October 17, 2011 [21 favorites]


Two of my cats are Mexican. I'm pretty sure of it. They won't confirm or deny. Their names are Chico and Taco.

I will say that ever since I got cats I'm more whimsical and make up songs and other weird shit like that. This is not a bad thing. Thank you cats.
posted by mokeydraws at 12:12 PM on October 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Me too, with the songs mokeydraws. It's the perpetual straight face cats have. Do a silly dance? Cat stares with serious face. Sing a song? Cat stares with serious face. It's like they're challenging you to make them laugh. But they ain't GONNA.

Good times.
posted by sweetkid at 12:31 PM on October 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


NEED MORE CAT NAMES

My stuffed hippo's name is Colby. He's kind of catlike, at least if you count "lies around all day" as catlike.
posted by madcaptenor at 1:54 PM on October 17, 2011


Wensleydale is the last scion of the Hapsburg Empire and is collecting a very extensive list of names for the upcoming revolution. Also: has never been loved.
posted by sonika at 2:23 PM on October 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ozzie, who is called The Woz in daily life, finds this new moniker insulting as he was once the leader of a cult, was known as Reverend Mayhem (the Rev to his friends), and lived in an imposing lair called The Doom Fortress.
posted by wuzandfuzz at 6:46 PM on October 17, 2011


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