The future is amazing.

October 27, 2011 9:08 PM

The future according to Microsoft.
posted by Memo (167 comments total)

Pretty cool. Brought to you by technology licensed or stolen from third party developers? That seems to have been Microsoft's key "innovation" m.o. in the past.
posted by darkstar at 9:16 PM on October 27, 2011 [3 favorites]

Unfortunately, this seems a more likely future for the 99%.
posted by Brocktoon at 9:16 PM on October 27, 2011 [16 favorites]

“We see an expanded definition of productivity where it’s not just about getting things done...It’s also about doing the right things, and doing them well and enjoying the process with other people in a very natural way.”

That's the way it's always worked out with advances in technology, going back to the cotton gin and the crossbow.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:20 PM on October 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

God, I couldn't sit through even half of that shit, having not yet seen a single goddamn improvement on "productivity."
posted by odinsdream at 9:21 PM on October 27, 2011 [8 favorites]

Hotel! That's my favorite place to stay.
posted by The Deej at 9:23 PM on October 27, 2011 [16 favorites]

Unfortunately, I'm with Gruber insofar as, "Why don't you stop telling us the shit you wanna make and just make something already."
posted by fungible at 9:26 PM on October 27, 2011 [9 favorites]

Re: the magic transparent business card Mr. Hotel Greeter had- remember that awful movie Fifth Element? Even as a kid, the fact that the "paper" were all transparent seemed stupid. Reading off transparencies is always a pain in the ass. I know making it clear seems all futury and shit, but giving me a headache is not the best use of future-tech. Not the worst, either, but still.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 9:29 PM on October 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Aww, they forgot Google's self driving car!
(which actually exists)
posted by jeffburdges at 9:30 PM on October 27, 2011 [6 favorites]

No multipass?
posted by weston at 9:31 PM on October 27, 2011 [10 favorites]

Let us tell you about amazing things we're (not) going to do!
posted by glaucon at 9:31 PM on October 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

In the future, subway beggars are virtual.
posted by klue at 9:34 PM on October 27, 2011 [7 favorites]

God, I couldn't sit through even half of that shit, having not yet seen a single goddamn improvement on "productivity."

I agree, for the most part.

How were the augmented reality simulations overlaying with the real-world surfaces? Do you seriously have to built projectors into all of your ceilings, or wall-paper your house in computer screens? That shit is expensive.

Once you get past that, how is any of this different from a regular smart phone that presently exists? The lady is sitting on her bed and her two smart-surface devices aren't even interacting, she still has to put down the tablet to answer a phone call.

There were a few things that seemed legitimately forward thinking: machine intelligence in the two guys working on a business plan (natural language parsing, and intelligent-agent suggestion for improvement), and the translation glasses at the start.

In my opinion the idea of surfaces is weird. It's like they're trying to be futuristic, but are dating themselves in the process. Why not begin moving these technologies on to places where I don't have to constantly be craning my neck down at a screen, removing myself from the natural flow of reality? The point of augmented reality should be to augment reality, not to take you out of t.
posted by codacorolla at 9:34 PM on October 27, 2011

So . . more screens? Got it.
posted by jeremias at 9:34 PM on October 27, 2011 [3 favorites]

In the future, everything is going to be in one sans-serif font.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:35 PM on October 27, 2011 [19 favorites]

The future: about four minutes too long.
posted by to sir with millipedes at 9:36 PM on October 27, 2011 [17 favorites]

Ahh, I completely missed the translation, so they did include some google products.
posted by jeffburdges at 9:37 PM on October 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

Did Businesswoman really have to go to an Unnamed Hotel in a different country just to participate in a teleconference where none of the people were in the same room?

So many things worth mocking, and Brocktoon is right, this is SO 1% lifestyle.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:38 PM on October 27, 2011 [14 favorites]

Uppity Pigeon #2: "Re: the magic transparent business card Mr. Hotel Greeter had- remember that awful movie Fifth Element? Even as a kid, the fact that the "paper" were all transparent seemed stupid. Reading off transparencies is always a pain in the ass. I know making it clear seems all futury and shit, but giving me a headache is not the best use of future-tech. Not the worst, either, but still"

And not to mention, Mr. Hotel Greeter read part of the transparent card, then flipped it over for more information. Seriously? Why wouldn't it had been a swipe gesture, like every other gesture in the rest of the film?

Oh, yeah: because none of it is real or meant to actually be usable in a real-world setting. It's just pseudo-realistic productivity porn.

Might as well have shown us 10 minutes of the computer displays from any crappy network show. "Enhance."
posted by barnacles at 9:39 PM on October 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

THESE ADVANCES WILL HELP US FIGHT PRECRIME
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:42 PM on October 27, 2011 [13 favorites]

I've often found myself wishing for a screen like Minority Report, where I could move data in a tactile fashion, but I think the funniest part of the video (for me) was when the woman took about 30 seconds longer to copy and paste a paragraph than it'd take for me to use a keyboard and mouse.
posted by codacorolla at 9:45 PM on October 27, 2011

Yeah right. They can't even chance the edit menu in Word without all their users falling onto their fainting couches. None of this will ever be made.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 9:49 PM on October 27, 2011 [10 favorites]

So....the future is the ipad, but bigger/everywhere and with a less delineated UI? Meh.
posted by redbeard at 9:50 PM on October 27, 2011 [3 favorites]

In the future, no one speaks to each other; they just silently finger-swipe their way through life.
posted by the jam at 9:50 PM on October 27, 2011 [40 favorites]

How were the augmented reality simulations overlaying with the real-world surfaces? Do you seriously have to built projectors into all of your ceilings, or wall-paper your house in computer screens? That shit is expensive.

Are we really going to put computers in everyone's house? That shit is expensive.

I do think our future is going to have a ton of graphic surfaces or we will all have overlay glasses. I'm a bit confused since she was wearing glasses in the first scene, then took them off so she could look at all the embedded OLEDs in everything

Ahh, I completely missed the translation, so they did include some google products.

Don't forget Google Earth at 2:56!

Multiperson teleconferencing, also something you can get with google+, and Google voice search at 4:55!

Seriously, this is so unimaginative. Everything in the video is stuff you can already do.

Oh and the "smart refrigerator" that has been predicted for like the past 20 years even makes an appearance. Why do people keep predicting this thing? It will never work because even with RFID tags you wouldn't be able to know, for example, that you have six eggs left. It's just so odd that people have been predicting this thing as just around the corner for, like, as long as I can remember.
posted by delmoi at 9:54 PM on October 27, 2011 [7 favorites]

I will refrain from mocking this video just for the desperate hope that maybe, maybe we'll actually have a future that's doesn't have any advertisements anywhere.

(Well, you know, except for the video itself.)
posted by kprincehouse at 9:55 PM on October 27, 2011 [6 favorites]

Yep, Gruber is on point:

This video encapsulates everything wrong with Microsoft. Their coolest products are imaginary futuristic bullshit. Guess what, we’ve all seen Minority Report already. Imagine if they instead spent the effort that went into this movie on making something, you know, real, that you could actually go out and buy and use today.
posted by Trurl at 9:58 PM on October 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Even though he's in a sharp suit, the black man is still a bellhop.

Onwards and upwards!
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 10:18 PM on October 27, 2011 [6 favorites]

Where have I seen those translating eyeglasses before? Oh yeah, Apple's Knowledge Navigator conceptual video.

Microsoft's future is from Apple in 1987.
posted by charlie don't surf at 10:21 PM on October 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

WHERE'S THE ROBOT THAT DRESSES ME AND MAKES ME BREAKFAST, BITCHES?

that's all I want
posted by jimmythefish at 10:23 PM on October 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

So in the future everyone will wear glasses? Including cute girls? Now that will be awesome! 眼鏡娘 FTW!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:33 PM on October 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ah excellent. Microsoft will continue to ineptly copy Apple design.
posted by cmoj at 10:33 PM on October 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

Oh and the "smart refrigerator" that has been predicted for like the past 20 years even makes an appearance. Why do people keep predicting this thing? It will never work because even with RFID tags you wouldn't be able to know, for example, that you have six eggs left. It's just so odd that people have been predicting this thing as just around the corner for, like, as long as I can remember.

Yeah and why is it always a proposal people are reviewing? It's never the work they're working on. Always proposals or meetings.

You know why these people are always working on proposals? It's because they're too busy teleconferencing with the milk carton in their $8000 fridge to actually win anything.
posted by jimmythefish at 10:40 PM on October 27, 2011 [12 favorites]

Microsoft's vision of the future is... a world filled with iPads?! Gripping.

(Seriously though, is Microsoft truly and completely incapable of unique and innovative thinking?)

I realize this is a prediction of technology in 10 years, not 20 or 30, so it's reasonable to focus primarily on improvements on existing concepts/technology. The 3D stuff is cool if not novel, but probably further out than 10 years. But otherwise, there's almost nothing in that entire video that looks unique, exciting, or transformative.

I really wish we could have had Steve Jobs for at least another 20 years. :(
posted by Davenhill at 10:45 PM on October 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

Will all her applications be running at once?
posted by dantsea at 10:49 PM on October 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

There is an attachment they sell at Target to put your iPad on the refrigerator. I can't imagine what it is actually for, but if you had a Bluetooth enabled weight sensitive egg carton, milk jug and so forth you could maybe have it make a grocery list that would update to all your devices?

However, if people can have all that, surely they can have someone do all that for them. Welcome to the new service economy.
posted by winna at 10:52 PM on October 27, 2011

Why the suicide doors?
posted by macrowave at 10:52 PM on October 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

Microsoft is now an also-ran. Perhaps the problem is that Bill never had to re-invent himself.

Plus, of course, they have a self-inflicted Ballmer.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:52 PM on October 27, 2011 [3 favorites]

Microsoft already invented the future 20 years ago, that future was ten years ago.
posted by doctor_negative at 10:58 PM on October 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why do people keep yelling about Apple rip offs? Tablets and mp3 players existed for years before Apple "imagineered" them
posted by Cyclopsis Raptor at 11:00 PM on October 27, 2011 [3 favorites]

if you had a Bluetooth enabled weight sensitive egg carton, milk jug and so forth

Forward camera, scan the bar code, place on bluetooth scale (flip out shelf?), place in fridge? A little fuzzy logic to enable it to "learn" how much weight goes to waste (packaging, brine, etc). And to learn what kinds of things tend to arrive together & when, then prompt for a review before the next shopping trip.

This idea is given to the public domain. Any halfwit could come up with variations on this theme. So I'm declaring all those ideas public domain as well.

Anyone who makes kitchen appliances is more than welcome to come up with elegant, integrated home management solutions. All the better if they're open-spec.

Also, where's my jet pack? I was promised a jet pack.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:04 PM on October 27, 2011

"As Qin summarizes their findings, his report suggests relevant information to support his key points"

Why doesn't this exist yet? It should be possible for a search engine to search your harddrive and the web or previously specified subsections of the web continuously while you write, and to suggest potentially relevant material.

When I'm writing a paper, I KNOW there's stuff saved deep in my directories that would be relevant to whatever point I am writing about, but I never find it (or I don't think to stop and search on the relevant terms because I don't remember exactly what I've saved).

Hell, it would even be beyond useful for some script to pipe up now and again with snippets from what I'VE written before that seem similar to what I'm writing now.
posted by lollusc at 11:09 PM on October 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

The future is going to make my porn viewing habits much more convenient.
posted by quadog at 11:12 PM on October 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

My favourite part is around the 2 minute mark where the guy's device shows a chart that for no reason whatsoever is a silly 3D hologram thing. It actually makes it much harder to see the size of the bars.
posted by theyexpectresults at 11:25 PM on October 27, 2011 [3 favorites]

I'm not watching this unless there's a flying car.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 11:28 PM on October 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

I watched the whole thing desperately hoping that in the background we'd start to see servant robots refusing to carry groceries, throwing down tools and eventually turning on their oppressors in an orgy of blood and steel. But the people in the foreground don't notice or care because they're so fucking engrossed by their future Microsoft products. At the end there'd be a cheery, needlessly 3D display with 'someone at the door!', we'd see the shadow fall over the happy little family, and it'd abruptly cut away.
posted by emmtee at 11:37 PM on October 27, 2011 [3 favorites]

This is Songsmith all over again. The future is a karaoke backing track from twenty years ago.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:37 PM on October 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

this is SO 1% lifestyle

Kinda like the apple (Apple?) stuff so many people squee over?
posted by ambient2 at 11:43 PM on October 27, 2011 [6 favorites]

Microsoft's vision of the future is... a world filled with iPads?! Gripping.

No, it's a world with an evolution of surface. Which they released before Apple. Cupertino, start your photcopiers.
posted by rodgerd at 11:52 PM on October 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

In the future Ayla does without spellcheck.

After all these years, David Byrne still has it (Metropolis version).
posted by progosk at 11:57 PM on October 27, 2011 [5 favorites]

Doesn't MS have a huge budget for pure research? Songsmith, for all the mocking, is a pretty clever bit of coding. There's the image-stitching software who's name escapes me. Where is all that research leading? During the whole Vista fiasco, the pundits were insisting that MS was sitting on a nest of patents that were going to blow us all out of the water ANY DAY NOW, REALLY.

Is Microsoft just blowing all on promotional videos?
posted by lekvar at 12:04 AM on October 28, 2011

Tablets and mp3 players existed for years before Apple "imagineered" them

I know, right? Wozniak totally ripped off Charles Babbage.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:05 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

I will refrain from mocking this video just for the desperate hope that maybe, maybe we'll actually have a future that's doesn't have any advertisements anywhere.

Of course! Just put on your AdBlock PlusTM Curated Reality goggles.

I know, right? Wozniak totally ripped off Charles Babbage.

Right, but Babbage never built a working prototype. Woz built the first ever working computer in his garage, but only because basking in the illuminating genious of Steve Jobs.
posted by delmoi at 12:08 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Missed a </sup> tag there.
posted by delmoi at 12:09 AM on October 28, 2011

Is Microsoft just blowing all on promotional videos?

We are witnessing the dawn of a revolution in advertising technology. You can almost reach out and touch the future, which also happens to be a prototype of a non-working demo that might go on sale in a few years.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:12 AM on October 28, 2011

This reminds me of the You Will videos from the 1990s. Except much lonelier.
posted by grouse at 12:16 AM on October 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

Why the suicide doors?

Getting out of the EULA of the Future may prove a little... tricky.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:22 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

"Is Microsoft just blowing all on promotional videos?"

Over the last decade Microsoft has spent about 17% of its revenue on R&D, much of it on general research without a particular product in mind. Sony spends about 8%. Apple spends less than 4%, doesn't offer dividends on its highly priced shares and sells the most expensive products. This is why they're sitting on over 80 billion dollars of cash, much of which they keep abroad to avoid paying tax on. Their genius is that the anti-capitalist crowd still loves them. Apple for the win!
posted by joannemullen at 12:34 AM on October 28, 2011 [18 favorites]

I was just thinking that the controls were useless. There's only so much information they're giving to the computer with pointing and simple gestures and yet the system does exactly the right thing every time. Typical Microsoft - Word loves to guess what you're trying to do and be helpful. Clippit for 2020.
I really don't believe that gestural interfaces are ever going to work so long as people drink beverages from cups. The productivity loss from a single coffee spill far outweighs the dubious benefits that hand-waving has over over mice.
posted by YAMWAK at 12:35 AM on October 28, 2011

To be fair to MS, others have similar predictions... though Cornings' is quite concerned with how much of their glass you'll be using.
posted by Auz at 12:37 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

It really bothered me how slow and disorganized the UI of the future is. Really tired of waiting for UI dialogue animations to complete before I can take action. Reminds me of the old "Microsoft Re-Designs the iPod Packaging" spoof.

This is why I think most UI/UX designers are fucking idiots.
posted by j03 at 12:38 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

Between Surface, Kinect, the Metro interface and a more open approach to interoperable devices, Microsoft seems to actually be going somewhere, conceptually speaking. Will they get there? Not alone, because they don't have Apple's vertical integration. That's the power to completely control the passage of a product from an executive to a Chinese labourer, right through to the managers who get tortured for losing prototypes and the Apple tech support running out of dying Canadian industrial towns.

It's very efficient. MS can't do that; it usually waits for someone else to build the hardware. That flick assumes that someone else will license second generation Surface technology (which combines touch with remote gesture and a kind of pre-holography) and use Metro-inspired tiling. It assumes miniaturized, omnipresent sensors (Kinect) and probably incorporates some of the projection-based faux-touchscreen-anywhere technology that MS has demoed here and there. (They'll need it, because unless we're doing spray on screens, the materials required to make all those surfaces smart will cost too much.

They have the pieces and they're genuinely interesting, but they can't seem to hook them up into a consumer-level product. Apple can take all their stuff and order the peasants to build an iPad. MS can demo, demo, demo but needs partners to build the device. For instance, I would love a rugged multitouch table. MS builds those for about the price of one of my kidneys. Kinect has some fun stuff, but I don't have enough room and it is (oddly for MS) too purist -- maybe I wanna hold something *and* jump around.

The demo has a bunch of silly bits. Home automation always fails because nobody wants to get that stuff installed. People also like privacy -- they want to watch porn, so big friendly displays are not always favoured. Finally, real object metaphors like arty piles of paper and doodads fail to recognize that we already know that computers are not those doodads, and blurring the lines is confusing.

So yes, good bits they will never wrestle into cohesive products.
posted by mobunited at 12:54 AM on October 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

I keep re-watching the bit with the guy in the subway. It's like a depressing snapshot of the whole video.

On the way home … the machine tells me to enjoy a well-earned 5 minute focus break but nope, no time, got to tell the office how much crap to order. Uh, bored now - I know, I'll donate some money! - but I'd better make sure my guilt-peen is bigger than everyone elses. What's that - a birthday reminder? Meh…

Was it just me who expected him to end his burnt-out, work-hounded, shallow existence by stepping in front of the train?

^{(And the music - oh God, the music! It's like one of those little asides in dystopian sci-fi where somebody mentions how real music is algorithmically generated by computers. Except that this future world never advanced beyond Songsmith…)}
posted by Pinback at 12:58 AM on October 28, 2011 [13 favorites]

The future: all work, no play.
posted by daniel_charms at 1:23 AM on October 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

Pinback: "I keep re-watching the bit with the guy in the subway. It's like a depressing snapshot of the whole video."

Hah. That guy's life looks miserable. What struck me about that scene is that he seemed to be the only one on the platform using the device - the reality would be more like *everyone* doing all that shit, all the time, and how annoying & depressing would that be? (in other words, just like now.)


j03: "It really bothered me how slow and disorganized the UI of the future is. Really tired of waiting for UI dialogue animations to complete before I can take action."

come on now, this is just a piece of marketing, it's not meant to be taken literally. if they were to actually show how things are gonna be, it would scare off a lot of people. just think how quickly you (maybe) work in a terminal window, or how quickly I can do lots of things in Excel, etc. etc. -- that would not be shown in a demonstration.

FWIW, I enjoyed it. it helps if you don't sit glaring at your screen with your "I HATE MICRO$OFT" hat on, ready to pounce on every little thing.
posted by alan2001 at 1:54 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

It assumes miniaturized, omnipresent sensors (Kinect)

Fortunately, Microsoft is assisting in the construction of a national security apparatus that will ensure cameras and other recording devices and installed and running everywhere in public and private commercial spaces. Maybe their Advertising R&D department will be able to bring this one product to market, after all.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:59 AM on October 28, 2011

Oh, fuck That's not good at all. Microsoft Bob had children reproduced asexually.

Though I like the idea of a "find coffee" app. That's probably the most useful thing in the video. The rest is just surfaces.
posted by loquacious at 2:09 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Where are all the fucking robots? Less staring at your handheld and more complete subversion of the material world.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 2:11 AM on October 28, 2011

Gah. That is some shiny blinkenlight bullshit. I need a shower.
posted by erniepan at 2:13 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

This presumes that Microsoft will one day make a mobile device that doesn't suck ballsacks.
posted by the noob at 2:40 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

The video was really well made and I know it was only supposed to showcase how software helps you become more productive, but I still find it kind of depressing how alone all those people are, how great the distance between them, both physical and emotional, seems to be^*. There's almost no personal interaction going on; they mostly just talk to strangers, or if it's not a stranger they're talking to, it's about something important. Even family members interact with each other via electronic devices, over a great distance (and then it's still only about something they need help with, not just talking about this and that, having fun).

Conclusion: in the future, your closest friend will be your virtual pet bear.

* Or maybe it's just me feeling lonely in this empty office.
posted by daniel_charms at 2:43 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

@alan2001 - It has little to do with Microsoft and everything to do with my burning hatred of user interfaces with pointless animations that slow me down.

But yes, why demonstrate people doing things quickly and efficiently? That is a scary thought!

Probably too "out there" for people to believe! And by "people" I mean people who will be dead by the time this technology comes around. It would apparently be pointless for Microsoft to market their futuristic ideas to younger folks in high-school and college.

But yeah, I am expecting too much from a bunch of out of touch 50 year old marketing executives who probably think this is "cool."
posted by j03 at 2:44 AM on October 28, 2011

I have an unusual perspective on this, because I live in a small Amish community. We Amish are often mistaken for technological Luddites, but it's not really true. For example, recently we got a new type of butter churn. Our old butter churn took a couple hours to churn butter, because we had to turn the crank by hand. But our new butter churn is much better. It uses a motor to help with the churning process.

Several of the Elders didn't want us to use the new butter churn, because it breaks pretty dramatically with the old ways. But those of us in the younger generation welcomed the new technology, because churning really isn't as much fun as you might think.

I like new technology, and this video is inspiring. I imagine a future where butter churns are paper thin and have internet access and touch-sensitive screens. I thank Microsoft for inventing that future.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:16 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

The future according to Bruce Sterling.

(Protip: If you're a betting man, it's worth a shilling up and down on Bruce)
posted by Jofus at 3:42 AM on October 28, 2011

Also, where's my jet pack? I was promised a jet pack.

Fuck the jet packs, man! I was promised death panels with Obamacare! I want my motherfucking death panels!

And why does the future always have a boring Postal Service soundtrack. The future should be all Turbonegro all the time.
posted by NoMich at 4:16 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

the future will always be worse and it will never get better

welcome to entropy
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 4:22 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why are all these visions of the future about how I can incorporate more work into my private life?
posted by DU at 4:28 AM on October 28, 2011 [10 favorites]

A human chauffeur? I don't want to speak to people in my shiny future. Where's my fucking Johnny Cab?

(Dear Future: I'll settle for a carbon-wrapped Japanese paper framed bicycle with near-frictionless wheels and particle brakes.)
posted by SyntacticSugar at 4:36 AM on October 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

Too late. Apple already patented iFuture.
posted by spitbull at 4:38 AM on October 28, 2011

I guess in the future we'll all be living in IKEA.
posted by blue_beetle at 4:59 AM on October 28, 2011

Many years ago, I worked as a traffic manager in the product design department at the Indianapolis office of Thomson Consumer Electronics. The geeks there did a lot of this sort of blue-sky idea stuff. Basically, they would spend their days designing some crazy, futuristic-looking piece of inert and inoperative plastic. Then, write-up a long list of future technologies the thing "incorporated." No actual explanation of how the actual tech would fit into the things, of course. Just a swell piece of CG design and bullet-points. Great work if you can get it.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:13 AM on October 28, 2011

Those tiny blurbs of text on every display drive me crazy.
posted by digsrus at 5:18 AM on October 28, 2011

My favorite part of the video: The little girl just wants a simple recipe to back and her "device" gives her thousands. Way to streamline. Also, put me in the camp who notices that my iPad does a lot of this already. And better.
posted by ColdChef at 5:42 AM on October 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

And, honestly, whenever I see these sorts of "this is the future" demonstrations, I thank the gods that I am just old enough to where there is a good chance I will not live to see the vision come to be. The idea of living in a world where every damned surface is connected to everything else, and data flows continuously at you from everything all the time simply depresses me.

One glaring thing missing from the latest vision...Where are the ads? All those displays, flowing endless streams of minutia 24/7...Someone's gotta pay for it. Where are the pop-up ads? The banners? You absolutely know those screens are going to look more like this, than the clean, distraction-free image in this video.

Of course, judging from the lifestyles depicted, apparently everyone in the future will be multimillionaires, so maybe they can all simply afford to pay for the tech out-of-pocket. Afterall, it seems they're working 24/7 (thanks to the slick ubiquitous tech) and there's only one child left in the world. And one old dude, begging for hand-outs to cure cancer (which all this cool tech apparently still hasn't done). Of course, since the old dude was a projection, it may be that there aren't any old people anymore. Or, they've all been shipped-off to the sub-continent, from where his begging is being transmitted.

And...Was Mom traveling to this distant hotel simply to hook-up with the other dude, leaving dad and daughter back at home?

grargrargrargrar...
posted by Thorzdad at 5:57 AM on October 28, 2011 [5 favorites]

And...Was Mom traveling to this distant hotel simply to hook-up with the other dude, leaving dad and daughter back at home?

I think you can blame this one on the script writers: when she's in the taxi taking her to the hotel, she sees the building where the meeting is supposed to take place, but then they apparently decided to cancel the meeting (too much face to face interaction, too little technology) and replace it with a teleconference instead.
posted by daniel_charms at 6:05 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

After the Great Aardvarkening the only human languages in regular use will be Afrikaans and English. Chinese will survive in limited use in train stations.
posted by gubo at 6:05 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

The future is going to make my porn viewing habits much more convenient.

That's really the only known known.
posted by mrgrimm at 6:09 AM on October 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

To a computer company, the world is computers. They have eliminated dirt and clutter from homes and offices and streets.

And what the fuck - if you're going to be sitting in an office with all of those virtual people, why are they not naked? Or talking cats? Or talking naked cats? The people on the other end of the conversations don't need to know how they look to you.
posted by pracowity at 6:12 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

the ultimate microsoft product will be an ugly, clumsy device that does nothing but reboot itself perpetually. except when it crashes.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 6:23 AM on October 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

The video was really well made and I know it was only supposed to showcase how software helps you become more productive...

What are you talking about?!? It miserably fails at this. I honestly fear people are losing the capacity to understand the difference between something actually helping you do your job faster, and something completely fucking up everything you want to do, but in a pretty way.
posted by odinsdream at 6:24 AM on October 28, 2011 [5 favorites]

The display interface colors are mostly teal and orange on a grayscale background. At 1:59, Qin, the subway rider, selects Donations by Size. Teal! The display changes to Donations by Station. Orange!

In the future, the world will resemble a bad Transformers movie.
posted by Gordion Knott at 6:31 AM on October 28, 2011

My favourite part of the video: reading all the delicious snark in this thread. Normally I hate it, but this video deserved it so badly.
posted by Magnakai at 6:34 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Microsoft has spent about 17% of its revenue on R&D

True, MS Research has made some really excellent and pervasively used contributions to the machine-learning literature. They should have an annual citation-battle with Google.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:39 AM on October 28, 2011

...something completely fucking up everything you want to do, but in a pretty way.

Seriously. What's the data entry rate of single-finger swiping? Can't be too high.

Meanwhile on a keyboard I can have N fingers working simultaneously. In normal typing, I have one striking a key at a time and the other 9 all ready in ballistic trajectory to strike other keys. In emacs, keychording.

I agree with everyone saying it looks like MS is just copying Apple. But I disagree that this means Apple is doing the right thing.
posted by DU at 6:41 AM on October 28, 2011

"Augmented reality" is fundamentally a horrific concept and I want nothing to do with it.

Why are all these visions of the future about how I can incorporate more work into my private life?

Becuase this is what it will be used for. This and advertising.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 6:52 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Drug glands, please, you can keep your jetpacks.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:56 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

I would like to live in a world where all this is possible, yet isn't.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:10 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

This presumes that Microsoft will one day make a mobile device that doesn't suck ballsacks.

To be fair, that new Windows phone by Nokia looks pretty nice. Even has a Zeiss lens on its camera!
In a world without the iPhone, I'd be sportin' one of those.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 7:11 AM on October 28, 2011

As Qin summarizes their findings

I was watching in non-HD at first and thought his name was spelt slightly differently. So when I saw "Gin needs an answer", I thought, "plus ça change . . . ".
posted by yerfatma at 7:23 AM on October 28, 2011

that awful movie Fifth Element

Them's fighting words!
posted by ymgve at 7:24 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why the suicide doors?
posted by macrowave at 10:52 PM

Because AWESOOOOOMEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by The Deej at 7:31 AM on October 28, 2011

a cab with a human driver? boo!
posted by Tom-B at 7:31 AM on October 28, 2011

i mean cmon guys this was 07
posted by Tom-B at 7:41 AM on October 28, 2011

....3:26....zoom in..... and yes it looks like in 2019, keyboards will still have a CAPS LOCK key.
posted by storybored at 7:42 AM on October 28, 2011

THAT IS SO YOU WILL BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE ROBOTS.
posted by Kabanos at 7:57 AM on October 28, 2011 [5 favorites]

"CREATING REPLY INTERFACE". In the future, Microsoft still doesn't get it.
posted by dbiedny at 7:59 AM on October 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

Knowledge Navigator and Information at your Fingertips updated for 2011

As much as I can see some innovations here, the whole video (and many other visions for the future by other companies like Apples recent Siri introduction promo) feels creepy and empty.

The first "inspirational" videos like "Knowledge Navigator" and "Information at your Fingertips" were about being smarter and having better lives.

This feels more like being a Data Drone roaming around with our Data Peep Holes to follow our own Augmented Realities.

This is the worst of all world, it's a scary remix of the criticism of Fight Club (http://youtu.be/rOx9uQ4cuJk) and the social emptiness of Gattaca with the grace and warmth of a stock photo catalogue.

Fuck this Future.

It tastes like Helvetica Light.

PS: Here is a bonus vision - http://youtu.be/Zp-_oUwdSeY
posted by homodigitalis at 8:03 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you don't actually produce anything, it is important to look impressive while not producing anything. The Machika invented a new cult with new rituals on becoming rulers of the Triple Alliance in Mexico. This video outlines the same for upper management.
posted by benito.strauss at 8:04 AM on October 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

My favorite part of the video: The little girl just wants a simple recipe to back and her "device" gives her thousands. Way to streamline. Also, put me in the camp who notices that my iPad does a lot of this already. And better.

My mother has been using the same recipe book for 30+ years, and my sister bought exactly the same book for her house. The idea of even using an electronic device during cooking/baking seems silly and way beyond necessary. If your idea for a "better" future involves trying to replace things and ways that people aren't looking to replace, you're on a hiding to nothing. I didn't see anything in their film which made me think "I want/need that!", but rather a lot of jazzed up versions of electronics I don't even use now. Self–replenishing fridges? Making it easier for work to bother me in my spare time? Encouraging me to make decisions on the fly? Cluttering my world with information? I don't want any of that, and think they're parts of an awful future.

Trying to figure out what products people really want is difficult, as folk can be right fickle. But there's an easy way to find out if you're up to the task. List the top five inventions that made a difference to people's lives in the 20th century. If your list doesn't include "washing machine", you're too narrow–sighted to be in the business of inventing for the future.
posted by Jehan at 8:15 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

Why the suicide doors?

Suicide doors make a lot of sense for cabs. They're easier for passanger to get in and out of, having more foot room. They're much easier for passanger to get luggage in and out of, again more foot room.

Finally, as a sometime urban-cyclist, I appreciate the fact that the doors will close rather than lock open if struck from behind. We had a woman killed in Ottawa a couple weeks ago in this exact manner---cab passanger opened a door without looking.
posted by bonehead at 8:18 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

that awful movie Fifth Element

Them's fighting words!

Eh, just a sign of lactose intolerance. Less fondue for us cheeze lovers to have to share.
posted by bonehead at 8:20 AM on October 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

This video nearly gave me an anxiety attack thinking about how much information I will have to deal with in the future. I won't even be able to stare out the window of a cab or ponder my next meal without being confronted with email updates, facebook updates and skype chats.

Can't we just go back to calculator watches and the Sharper Image catalog?
posted by mr.ersatz at 8:21 AM on October 28, 2011

If your idea for a "better" future involves trying to replace things and ways that people aren't looking to replace, you're on a hiding to nothing a CompSci or EE graduate.
ftfy
posted by Thorzdad at 8:23 AM on October 28, 2011

the whole video (and many other visions for the future by other companies like Apples recent Siri introduction promo) feels creepy and empty

Because all they posit is us being more productive at the same stupid tasks?
posted by yerfatma at 8:25 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Arial bold stamping on a human face- forever.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:33 AM on October 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

It's not surprising that Microsoft sees a world with no cell phones, and it's probably right.

The idea of even using an electronic device during cooking/baking seems silly and way beyond necessary.

You just found out your daughter's new boyfriend is both vegan (no eggs, no butter) and gluten-free. What are you baking for dessert?

Encouraging me to make decisions on the fly? Cluttering my world with information? I don't want any of that, and think they're parts of an awful future.

Agreed, and I don't think we're alone. There will be a backlash, if not socially then personally. I'm not gonna say that the mobile Internet is CB radio; I use it every single day. But there is still a faddish new toy element to being "always on" that will ebb, imo.

That said, I can't believe that there are 109 comments about microsoft vaporware. So silly. But here's one more!
posted by mrgrimm at 8:34 AM on October 28, 2011

"CREATING REPLY INTERFACE".

If we're at the point where software can create semantic custom reply interfaces, why don't they have software that can monitor and replenish their stock automatically?
posted by rh at 8:38 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

No ads? I call shenanigans. This is what they really want, except you won't be able to turn them off. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSfKlCmYcLc
posted by Skwirl at 8:49 AM on October 28, 2011

Also, the melancholic soundtrack was a little off-putting. If they want to sell us the future, they should really use something a little more uplifting. Tranquil, but perhaps with a bit of a tropical flavor... Oh, I've got it!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:50 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

If the future doesn't give me Tony Stark's computer, I'm not interested.
posted by xedrik at 8:54 AM on October 28, 2011

Who's this "Gruber" quoted at the top of the thread? I'd like to read more.
posted by Ratio at 8:58 AM on October 28, 2011

Oh yeah, this totally works.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:58 AM on October 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

So many things worth mocking, and Brocktoon is right, this is SO 1% lifestyle.

It's a tech ad targeted at corporate execs, who live the sort of life depicted by the stand in model, complete with, regardless of gender, lingering guilt over not being there for their kids. It has everything- the actual tech and development being handled off scene (ie someone saying "smaller pump =better, jeeze" in engineering); the promise that your servants (I mean hospitality and tourism workers) will be attentive and pretty, not sullen and bored; the far flung locations being packaged as glamour not jetlag. My 1% daddy has these dreams in every sleepy Bejing hotel arrival; in every time he has to budget going to one of his spawn's drama performances (and it's such a monumental effort for him he expects commendation); in the paperwork filled out on little airline trays; and so on...

If you told my father his daughters were guaranteed to do their math homework AND appreciate him he'd probably buy from your company faster than any amount of wining and dining, bribes/perks and fuss would ever get him to haul out the pen. It's a heat seeking marketing missile targeted at the emotional part of your average evil suit's sentimental buttons.

... I also wish they'd stop promising an inventory fridge. Look, that would require you to have such sophisticated AI and/or professional fondling and analysis of the contents of my pantry that we'd be in singularity territory. Counting eggs is not hard, and no-AI yet can casually tell me that the pasta salad in the Tupperware that I made has exactly 72.4 hours of optimal freshness compared with the improperly sealed salad greens which must be eaten now rather than later.

Mind you, if they really want to imply that the machine can now choose which pump to use in its fantastic AI, that's a slightly horrifying prediction that in future engineers will be completely reduced to tech babysitters.
posted by Phalene at 9:08 AM on October 28, 2011 [9 favorites]

You just found out your daughter's new boyfriend is both vegan (no eggs, no butter) and gluten-free. What are you baking for dessert?

Bitter contempt at my future daughter's choice in men.
posted by wcfields at 9:08 AM on October 28, 2011 [8 favorites]

I thought the cupboard above the oven that didn't close properly was pretty cool. When can we have that?
posted by chrillsicka at 9:09 AM on October 28, 2011

....3:26....zoom in..... and yes it looks like in 2019, keyboards will still have a CAPS LOCK key.

Actually it's not a caps lock key, it's a small grey plastic headstone like all the other headstones on the "keyboard". In the future, a little sprinkling of people's ashes will be put underneath the keys. This will free up valuable real-estate (that would otherwise go to cemeteries) for the construction of vertical omega-20 sardine farms.
posted by storybored at 9:10 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

*What are you baking for dessert?*

Daughter's boyfriend is bringing dessert. If he can maintain his aestheticism enough to feed himself he can probably cook vegan better than I can, even with the internet to help. Ask me a hard one!

The value of have 800 version of say "vegan brownie" is that you read six or so, use your knowledge of cooking/baking to extrapolate the end product's texture and tastes and produce a seventh new recipe that borrows aspects that fit your needs, thus to a novice cook, being given 800 versions of something is about the same challenge of giving someone with no kitchen skills a whole chicken, some slightly yellow broccoli, frozen peas, three lemons, two pounds of flour, butter, a litre of milk and some pakrika and expecting dinner in an hour. But the real bake sale Suzy MathProblem would probably be browsing my personal "clippings", bookmarked cooking websites and copy-paste ratios. I wouldn't be brightly and chirpily teleconferencing with her to pick South African tarts, she'd be asking me "with our oven, how can I tell when they're done versus burnt?!" the same questions I asked my mother.
posted by Phalene at 9:25 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

All of that nifty and WE'RE STILL WEARING GODDAMNED TIES?
posted by Lutoslawski at 9:26 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Can there be less invasive tambourine on futurology soundtracks in the future please?
posted by merocet at 9:30 AM on October 28, 2011

You will all love our emo touchscreen future.
posted by migurski at 9:48 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

The future belongs to the window cleaners?
posted by jeffburdges at 9:56 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

You just found out your daughter's new boyfriend is both vegan (no eggs, no butter) and gluten-free. What are you baking for dessert?

I'ld ask him or her what they want. I'm not a bloody mind reader, I prefer this thing we call human interaction. The idea that a smart search engine is ever going to come up with a better answer than just asking the guy himself is bizarre.

(Actually, I would say that if she's old enough to have a boyfriend she's old enough to cook for him when he visits, or he for himself. I'm not middle–class enough to have "invite you daughter's boyfriend over for a get–to–know–you meal". I'ld expect to meet him first when he's tucking into breakfast in my kitchen one Saturday or Sunday morning.)
posted by Jehan at 10:03 AM on October 28, 2011

Bitter contempt at my future daughter's choice in men.

...

Daughter's boyfriend is bringing dessert.

/mf fail

I'ld ask him or her what they want. I'm not a bloody mind reader

"Oh, I don't care. Don't worry--you don't have to make everything special for me, but if possible, minimize the gluten on the cooking surfaces so I don't get violently ill."
posted by mrgrimm at 10:06 AM on October 28, 2011

The idea of even using an electronic device during cooking/baking seems silly and way beyond necessary.

Another example. It's your kindergartner's bake sale tomorrow and you find out when you go to make cupcakes at 11pm that your wife hard-boiled the remaining eggs.

You really don't see any need at all for an Internet-enabled device to look up an egg-free cupcake recipe? Or does your magical recipe book include all variations and contingencies that could ever been imagined?

We're in a trivial argument here, but to say that using an Internet-enabled device while cooking is silly seems a bit provincial to me. Not all of us have passed-down family wisdom or recipe resources.

My mother has been using the same recipe book for 30+ years, and my sister bought exactly the same book for her house.

Also, the idea of using the same recipes over and over again for 30+ years seems incredibly depressing to me. Where do new recipes come from once you've exhausted your friends? Perhaps you just have a better circle of cooking friends than I do ...
posted by mrgrimm at 10:14 AM on October 28, 2011

"Oh, I don't care. Don't worry--you don't have to make everything special for me, but if possible, minimize the gluten on the cooking surfaces so I don't get violently ill."

So gluten makes him violently ill, but he's willing to go to stranger's house and eat whatever they serve? We're getting a long way from "technology will help me choose what to cook" and into "technology will help me overcome human nature of him not wanting to make a fuss". The latter's even less likely than the former.
posted by Jehan at 10:16 AM on October 28, 2011

We're in a trivial argument here, but to say that using an Internet-enabled device while cooking is silly seems a bit provincial to me.

I'm not against the idea that technology can be helpful, just that if looking up 800 recipes on a computer is some kind of brilliant future, I don't know why they bothered. A smart interface and touchable screen isn't going to change the fact that we've been able to do the same thing since the 90s, or have had decent books for decades before that. The internet is great, but we shouldn't pretend we're inventing it again, nor that a "new" way to do the same thing is worth writing home about.
posted by Jehan at 10:27 AM on October 28, 2011

HEY GUYS GLUTEN ALLERGIES TOTALLY REDEEMS THIS SHIT VIDEO!
posted by odinsdream at 10:34 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

Touch screen ALL THE THINGS!
posted by Evernix at 10:53 AM on October 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

The future belongs to the window cleaners?

Microsoft is spending 27% of its 62% R&D budget alone on a new form of Windex. Sadly, this, too, will never see light of day.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:54 AM on October 28, 2011

Stop being insensitive, odinsdream, There's context.
posted by klue at 11:00 AM on October 28, 2011

Microsoft is spending 27% of its 62% R&D budget alone on a new form of Windex.

The most tragic of Balmer's typos.
posted by jaduncan at 11:00 AM on October 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

Another example. It's your kindergartner's bake sale tomorrow and you find out when you go to make cupcakes at 11pm that your wife hard-boiled the remaining eggs.

I would ask Mrs Thornton next door is she has any from her hens, or ask my mother, my father, my step–father, my aunt, my friends or my neighbors if they could spare a couple. I live in this wonderful thing called a community, which I don't see a lot of in these future videos, unless somebody pestering you on your iphone counts.
posted by Jehan at 11:03 AM on October 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

In the future, no one speaks to each other; they just silently finger-swipe their way through life.

If the future involves people silently giving each other the finger then I'm already there!

Except for the silent part
posted by mazola at 11:04 AM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Jehan's comments are near an idea that I had, that I will proceed to express poorly. People do things for me because I know them and they know me, and people do things for each other. The people in this world get others to do things for them only because they give them money. It's probably nicer for them to have a computer between themselves and their servants, or even replacing their servants. Me, I miss the human touch.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:13 AM on October 28, 2011

Another example. It's your kindergartner's bake sale tomorrow and you find out when you go to make cupcakes at 11pm that your wife hard-boiled the remaining eggs.

This reads entirely like an after-the-fact pseudo "real life" scenario marketing invents.

No parent in their right mind would start baking at 11pm. on a school night. If it gets that late, you punt and pick-up a box of cupcakes from the supermarket in the morning. Been there. Have the scars to prove it.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:13 AM on October 28, 2011

Someone redid a minute of the video with a bit of realism. (Errors, blue screen of death)
posted by mark7570 at 11:39 AM on October 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

Just wait until the driver updates on those translating glasses fails and instead of real time Afrikaans-to-English, every single word you hear is "Malkovich".
posted by briank at 11:43 AM on October 28, 2011

Someone redid a minute of the video with a bit of realism yt . (Errors, blue screen of death)

Pretty funny. The BSOD was predictable. I loved the system noises with every input and response.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:12 PM on October 28, 2011

No parent in their right mind would start baking at 11pm. on a school night.

You don't know my mind.

I would ask Mrs Thornton next door is she has any from her hens, or ask my mother, my father, my step–father, my aunt, my friends or my neighbors if they could spare a couple. I live in this wonderful thing called a community, which I don't see a lot of in these future videos, unless somebody pestering you on your iphone counts.

My neighbors are certainly asleep by 11pm. I wouldn't wake them up.

I'm just saying: recipes are one of my biggest uses of the Internet and most of my delicious bookmarks. I like to share recipes and discuss them with people online.

To say that "The idea of even using an electronic device during cooking/baking seems silly and way beyond necessary" is ridiculous and deserves to be mocked. Repeatedly.

It's like saying "The idea of even using an electronic device during sex seems silly and way beyond necessary."

"The idea of even using an electronic device during a hike seems silly and way beyond necessary."

"The idea of even using an electronic device during gardening seems silly and way beyond necessary."

The Internet is a pretty valuable informational tool, is all I'm saying. There are lots of valuable uses for it, some of which you might not need yourself, but to cast them as "way beyond necessary" is short-sighted and provincial. IN MY OPINION.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:23 PM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is a very silly argument people.
posted by Think_Long at 1:30 PM on October 28, 2011

Wow, tough crowd. I thought this was a substantial improvement over their last futur-tech video.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:52 PM on October 28, 2011

If you want a vision of the future, imagine a hand waving at cheesy vector graphic-y UIs - forever.
posted by SomeOneElse at 3:52 PM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I thought this was a substantial improvement over their last futur-tech video.

I was disappointed that this had nothing to do with Songsmith.
posted by grouse at 4:55 PM on October 28, 2011

thanks for sharing..that;s nice tech....awesome
posted by flamerz at 5:24 PM on October 28, 2011

The interesting thing is that in the Future, Microsoft will only sell one thing: green roofs. Although, each leaf will be a solar powered distributed computing node (running a separate license of Windows, natch).

And...I'm pretty sure at 5:25 the mother is telling her daughter that she's fat.
posted by hanoixan at 6:47 PM on October 28, 2011

In the Future, people will work for Ballmer or nothing at all.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:56 PM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

quonsar II, etc: "the ultimate microsoft product will be an ugly, clumsy device that does nothing but reboot itself perpetually. except when it crashes."

No, that'll be the penultimate device. To fix the rebooting / crashing issues, you'll to upgrade to the real ultimate device - a piece of solid glass that does absolutely nothing at all.

Since it does nothing, it has no purpose. Since it has no purpose, it can have no implied fitness for purpose. Since it has no implied fitness for purpose, it needs no statutory or manufacturer's warranty. If you buy the extended warranty, it won't cover accident or misuse. Since it has no purpose, any use you do find for it - say, as a very small window, or a sex toy, or whatever - is, by definition, 'misuse'. Since it's glass, it'll smash into a million pieces when you inevitably drop it. Since dropping it is obviously an 'accident', you'll have to buy a new one every time.

You can tell I'm an optimist, can't you?
posted by Pinback at 7:40 PM on October 28, 2011

The guy at 1:40 seems to order 40 litres of coffee.
posted by anothermug at 8:11 PM on October 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sure...our lives will be easier but will we be happier? Maybe not...
posted by mind2body at 8:41 PM on October 28, 2011

People have jobs in the future? Weird.
posted by TrialByMedia at 9:37 PM on October 28, 2011

And everyone lived happily ever after.
posted by blue shadows at 10:29 PM on October 28, 2011

That subway scene was shot in the Beacon Hill rail station about 2 miles from my house.

That's all I got...
posted by black8 at 1:55 AM on October 29, 2011

To a computer company, the world is computers. They have eliminated dirt and clutter from homes and offices and streets.

Obviously, the next billions are going to be made on devices into which you put articles that you don't specifically need right now, but might in the future. The computer then catalogs them, and whisks them away to some designated location for you to call up when there's a need. JunkDrawer2020.

No doubt reality television will humiliate people by noticing that their computers have notified them that their storage area is full, but they haven't done anything about it yet. JunkDrawerHoarders2022.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 1:29 PM on October 29, 2011

So it's 2019, I'm assuming Minecraft has been improved and distilled into the ultimate, virtual pick-axing, fort building experiential crack, and people are still going to work and the whole world hasn't fallen into repair because everyone is at home planning and building the most epic Minecraft projects of all time?
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 7:28 PM on November 2, 2011

There's plenty of time to work between Minecraft bugfixes.
posted by lekvar at 12:41 AM on November 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

weston: "No multipass?"

Mulllltipass.

Leeeeloo Dallas Mulltipass.

Curse you Canon for making my past retail life hell! Every time I would walk past something in this series, guess what would go through my head.

Of course, I shouldn't mention what used to happen every time I would drive home to my old house.

On Belmont Street.
posted by Samizdata at 4:14 PM on November 9, 2011

No, that'll be the penultimate device. To fix the rebooting / crashing issues, you'll to upgrade to the real ultimate device - a piece of solid glass that does absolutely nothing at all.

Since it does nothing, it has no purpose. Since it has no purpose, it can have no implied fitness for purpose. Since it has no implied fitness for purpose, it needs no statutory or manufacturer's warranty...

Oh no, it has a very specific purpose that it is specifically fit for. I have lots of them installed in the walls of my home right now. It has a specific molecular structure that allows photons to pass through, allowing me to visualize events on the other side of the glass, in the Real World (tm).
posted by charlie don't surf at 8:42 AM on November 10, 2011

Swiper, no swiping!
posted by dougpy at 12:52 PM on November 10, 2011