"The people I know who used to sit in the bathroom with pornography, now they sit in the bathroom with their IKEA furniture catalogue." ~Chuck Palahniuk
October 29, 2011 6:39 AM Subscribe
Is reading on the loo bad for you? [Guardian] Filthy habit or blameless bliss? A public health study by Ron Shaoul lifts the lid on toilet reading once and for all.
You're not doing much, why not check up on Metafilter?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:53 AM on October 29, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:53 AM on October 29, 2011 [5 favorites]
I would rather people read on the toilet than talk on the phone on the toilet. At work. In the stall next to me.
posted by headnsouth at 6:55 AM on October 29, 2011 [38 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 6:55 AM on October 29, 2011 [38 favorites]
Better to read in the loo than shit in the library.
posted by mazola at 6:56 AM on October 29, 2011 [63 favorites]
posted by mazola at 6:56 AM on October 29, 2011 [63 favorites]
Get in. Get out. I don't understand the need to hang out in there more than you have to. There are plenty of more comfortable places to sit in the house.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 6:57 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 6:57 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
I would rather people read on the toilet than talk on the phone on the toilet. At work. In the stall next to me.
There is one way to get people off of their cell phones when they're on the toilet: make it real obvious that they're on the toilet. Flush all the other urinals/toilets, run the water, the dryers, talk about being in the bathroom: "MAN THIS BATHROOM IS SMELLY, OH SOMEONE IS IN HERE ON THE PHONE IN THE TOILET WHILE IT SMELLS, IT MUST BE THEM!"
posted by Fizz at 6:59 AM on October 29, 2011 [22 favorites]
There is one way to get people off of their cell phones when they're on the toilet: make it real obvious that they're on the toilet. Flush all the other urinals/toilets, run the water, the dryers, talk about being in the bathroom: "MAN THIS BATHROOM IS SMELLY, OH SOMEONE IS IN HERE ON THE PHONE IN THE TOILET WHILE IT SMELLS, IT MUST BE THEM!"
posted by Fizz at 6:59 AM on October 29, 2011 [22 favorites]
Get in. Get out. I don't understand the need to hang out in there more than you have to. There are plenty of more comfortable places to sit in the house.
Privacy. Quiet. Nobody barges in while you're on the toilet and asks you to do something else.
posted by sonic meat machine at 7:01 AM on October 29, 2011 [24 favorites]
Privacy. Quiet. Nobody barges in while you're on the toilet and asks you to do something else.
posted by sonic meat machine at 7:01 AM on October 29, 2011 [24 favorites]
You're not doing much, why not check up on Metafilter?
Guilty.
posted by Bron-Y-Aur at 7:02 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Guilty.
posted by Bron-Y-Aur at 7:02 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
I would rather people read on the toilet than talk on the phone on the toilet. At work. In the stall next to me.
I've noticed a lot more of this in the last couple years. At work, in the stalls at the movie theater, pretty much every public bathroom I go into seems to have some dude chatting away while dropping a load.
posted by Forktine at 7:02 AM on October 29, 2011
From TFA, toilet reading is "ultimately harmless". They do seem to suggest not reading in public bathrooms as well as washing your hands afterwards. Seriously, I don't know how someone could read in a public bathroom. Those are just abysses of discomfort.
posted by graxe at 7:03 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by graxe at 7:03 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
You're not doing much, why not check up on Metafilter?
Done and done.
posted by the painkiller at 7:09 AM on October 29, 2011
Done and done.
posted by the painkiller at 7:09 AM on October 29, 2011
Only if you don't have the cup of tea and a tab to go with.
posted by Abiezer at 7:11 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by Abiezer at 7:11 AM on October 29, 2011
Get in. Get out. I don't understand the need to hang out in there more than you have to. There are plenty of more comfortable places to sit in the house.
You clearly didn't grow up in my house. Constant parental hovering and little brother pestering, no respect for closed (or even locked) bedroom doors (though sometimes not even bathroom doors), yelling for you to go do such-and-such if you looked like you weren't being "productive" for too long. About the only get out of jail free card for peace and quiet was, "I'M POOPING!"
Damn, there was even one time that I took a book and some cookies in there and curled up in a towel on the floor for at least 40 minutes reading, eating, and relaxing. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!" "I HAVE DIARRHEA, LEAVE ME ALONE!" "Oh, ok."
posted by phunniemee at 7:14 AM on October 29, 2011 [40 favorites]
You clearly didn't grow up in my house. Constant parental hovering and little brother pestering, no respect for closed (or even locked) bedroom doors (though sometimes not even bathroom doors), yelling for you to go do such-and-such if you looked like you weren't being "productive" for too long. About the only get out of jail free card for peace and quiet was, "I'M POOPING!"
Damn, there was even one time that I took a book and some cookies in there and curled up in a towel on the floor for at least 40 minutes reading, eating, and relaxing. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!" "I HAVE DIARRHEA, LEAVE ME ALONE!" "Oh, ok."
posted by phunniemee at 7:14 AM on October 29, 2011 [40 favorites]
A friend was just complaining about how someone at work not only didn't flush after pooping but left a ton of Starburst candy wrappers littered in the stall. He was like "Animal! We live in a society for god's sake!" So gross. Also, that line in Seinfeld, something like "you can keep your toilet book!" Sadly, I can't think about Monet's waterlilies now w/o imagining George and his pooping plight.
posted by ifjuly at 7:24 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by ifjuly at 7:24 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Nobody barges in while you're on the toilet and asks you to do something else.
Clearly you don't have kids.
posted by anastasiav at 7:29 AM on October 29, 2011 [11 favorites]
Clearly you don't have kids.
posted by anastasiav at 7:29 AM on October 29, 2011 [11 favorites]
No need to get anal about it.
posted by warbaby at 7:34 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by warbaby at 7:34 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
The one risk I know of when reading too much on the toilet is that it increases one's time in that somewhat strained position. That increases the risk of hemorrhoids, which are a pain in the ass.
Take your piles of literature elsewhere.
posted by hanoixan at 7:37 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
Take your piles of literature elsewhere.
posted by hanoixan at 7:37 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
"The people I know who used to sit in the bathroom with pornography, now they sit in the bathroom with their IKEA furniture catalogue."
No shit. I thought the IKEA catalogue was porn - Swedish, plenty of wood.....shrugs
posted by gallus at 7:39 AM on October 29, 2011
No shit. I thought the IKEA catalogue was porn - Swedish, plenty of wood.....shrugs
posted by gallus at 7:39 AM on October 29, 2011
I'm not wiping my ass with the book while I'm in there. I think I'm OK.
posted by Renoroc at 7:43 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by Renoroc at 7:43 AM on October 29, 2011
There is one way to get people off of their cell phones when they're on the toilet: make it real obvious that they're on the toilet.
Do not do this when it is the Regional Director of Sales or the VP of Operations. However, it is ok with the Chief Technology Officer.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:47 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
Do not do this when it is the Regional Director of Sales or the VP of Operations. However, it is ok with the Chief Technology Officer.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:47 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
"I always have New Scientist by the toilet. I use it as distraction therapy. I don't particularly want to think about crapping."
Oddly, NS always puts me in mind of crap.
posted by bonehead at 7:48 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oddly, NS always puts me in mind of crap.
posted by bonehead at 7:48 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Readers, meet hemorrhoids.
Kid-owners, buy locks.
My name is CD and I solve society's problems in four words or less.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:48 AM on October 29, 2011 [8 favorites]
Kid-owners, buy locks.
My name is CD and I solve society's problems in four words or less.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:48 AM on October 29, 2011 [8 favorites]
The one risk I know of when reading too much on the toilet is that it increases one's time in that somewhat strained position.
Wait. You mean you spend time reading on the toilet while pushing out with your rectum the entire time?
I think you're doing it wrong.
posted by hippybear at 7:51 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
Wait. You mean you spend time reading on the toilet while pushing out with your rectum the entire time?
I think you're doing it wrong.
posted by hippybear at 7:51 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
Some say that reading on the loo
is not the proper thing to do,
But I will candidly admit
to taking in some trashy lit.
'Cause nothing's worse than once I'm seated,
I find the toilet roll depleted,
So though the practice may be heinous,
I have a book to wipe my anus.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:55 AM on October 29, 2011 [19 favorites]
is not the proper thing to do,
But I will candidly admit
to taking in some trashy lit.
'Cause nothing's worse than once I'm seated,
I find the toilet roll depleted,
So though the practice may be heinous,
I have a book to wipe my anus.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:55 AM on October 29, 2011 [19 favorites]
oh god, this is so weird to me. I avoid touching my thighs, ass, even my dropped clothing to the toilet at all costs. Sometimes you gotta poop in a relaxed fashion though. But I can't even fathom something that casual, like leisurely reading.
It'd be like if your housemate always sat naked on a certain spot on the couch. And sometimes they liked to read on that couch. Except there was a whole cut out of the cushion and they'd shit through it. Would you enjoy reading there too?
posted by iamkimiam at 7:56 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
It'd be like if your housemate always sat naked on a certain spot on the couch. And sometimes they liked to read on that couch. Except there was a whole cut out of the cushion and they'd shit through it. Would you enjoy reading there too?
posted by iamkimiam at 7:56 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
Do not do this when it is the Regional Director of Sales or the VP of Operations. However, it is ok with the Chief Technology Officer.
So typical - everbody thinks it's ok to dump on the IT folks
posted by Dr Dracator at 7:57 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
So typical - everbody thinks it's ok to dump on the IT folks
posted by Dr Dracator at 7:57 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
What about the coffee mug and the ashtray on the side table alongside the magazine rack? (plans not to invite iamkimiam over )
posted by infini at 8:00 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by infini at 8:00 AM on October 29, 2011
I avoid touching my thighs, ass, even my dropped clothing to the toilet at all costs.
Wait, even at home? You realize you can clean your toilet, right? If you're not comfortable touching your home toilet, that's no one's fault but your own.
The ones that get me are the girls in high school movies and tv shows that go and eat lunch on the toilet in the school bathroom. That is gross. I know what my school's toilets looked like, and anyone who could work up the stomach to eat in there probably needs major psychological intervention.
posted by phunniemee at 8:03 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Wait, even at home? You realize you can clean your toilet, right? If you're not comfortable touching your home toilet, that's no one's fault but your own.
The ones that get me are the girls in high school movies and tv shows that go and eat lunch on the toilet in the school bathroom. That is gross. I know what my school's toilets looked like, and anyone who could work up the stomach to eat in there probably needs major psychological intervention.
posted by phunniemee at 8:03 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Thanks, MetaFilter. As a childless gay with a meek roommate, I never appreciated how much privacy I truly have until reading about the lot of you huddled away in the coldest and smallest room in the house, desperate for a few minutes of tranquility and silence.
If anyone needs me, I'll be all alone all day in my enormous bed with my laptop, a good novel, and a huge bag of candy.
posted by hermitosis at 8:04 AM on October 29, 2011 [38 favorites]
If anyone needs me, I'll be all alone all day in my enormous bed with my laptop, a good novel, and a huge bag of candy.
posted by hermitosis at 8:04 AM on October 29, 2011 [38 favorites]
I stopped reading on the toilet after I got a smartphone, although I'm afraid of getting conditioned to the point where I can't take a dump without the aid of the Angry Birds.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:06 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:06 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
MetaFilter: It's like if your housemate always sat naked on a certain spot on the couch. And sometimes they liked to read on that couch. Except there was a whole cut out of the cushion and they'd shit through it.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:06 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:06 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
It would have to be really, really, really bad for me to stop. Thank goodness it's OK. I can read while shitting with impunity.
posted by zzazazz at 8:11 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by zzazazz at 8:11 AM on October 29, 2011
old joke alert
I was in the toilet the other day and this guy in the stall next to me said: "Hello."
I said: "Hello."
He said: "How you doing?"
I said: "Er... I'm ok. How are you?"
He said: "Hang on one minute, there's some idiot in the next stall answering everything I say."
posted by criticalbill at 8:13 AM on October 29, 2011 [22 favorites]
I was in the toilet the other day and this guy in the stall next to me said: "Hello."
I said: "Hello."
He said: "How you doing?"
I said: "Er... I'm ok. How are you?"
He said: "Hang on one minute, there's some idiot in the next stall answering everything I say."
posted by criticalbill at 8:13 AM on October 29, 2011 [22 favorites]
What are Mefites reading on the bowl? I like short stories; I'm on a high-fiber diet so I really don't have the time to bust out the epic novels.
posted by Renoroc at 8:13 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by Renoroc at 8:13 AM on October 29, 2011
Am I the only person whose cat thinks someone going into the bathroom means it's time for skritches? I couldn't read anything longer than an email in there if I wanted because the cat is insistent. And if I close the door and lock up, she claws until I get up and let her in!
posted by immlass at 8:16 AM on October 29, 2011 [15 favorites]
posted by immlass at 8:16 AM on October 29, 2011 [15 favorites]
time for skritches
Ah yes, the dreaded poop coach.
posted by everichon at 8:20 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
Ah yes, the dreaded poop coach.
posted by everichon at 8:20 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
Toilet's my main reading place, Renoroc. I've been doing a lot of nonfiction lately.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:20 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:20 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Get in. Get out. I don't understand the need to hang out in there more than you have to. There are plenty of more comfortable places to sit in the house.
Privacy. Quiet. Nobody barges in while you're on the toilet and asks you to do something else.
Oh yes. I once had a boss who had the annoying habit of giving me assignments while we were both standing at the urinal. He never did that when I was in the stall.
posted by tommasz at 8:20 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Privacy. Quiet. Nobody barges in while you're on the toilet and asks you to do something else.
Oh yes. I once had a boss who had the annoying habit of giving me assignments while we were both standing at the urinal. He never did that when I was in the stall.
posted by tommasz at 8:20 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
ahahaha, uh, no, no vacationing in the bathroom here. If you have someone in the household with Interstitial Cystitis, hogging the toilet is really not cool. Everyone else, whatever you please is OK with me!
posted by Wuggie Norple at 8:21 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by Wuggie Norple at 8:21 AM on October 29, 2011
What are Mefites reading on the bowl?
I'll fess up. I keep an anthology of the New Criterion, signed by Hilton Kramer and Roger Kimball, because they can be interesting but they can also be such dickheads that I get a good feeling knowing they're stuck in a bathroom.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 8:23 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'll fess up. I keep an anthology of the New Criterion, signed by Hilton Kramer and Roger Kimball, because they can be interesting but they can also be such dickheads that I get a good feeling knowing they're stuck in a bathroom.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 8:23 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
In the past, toilet time was spent paging through the wife's Sundance catalog. [Some nice looking wimmens in that catalog.]
Then the iPad changed everything. [You knew that was coming.] Why not check to see if any favorites have come in?
Maybe one did. Go to the thread to admire my handiwork in context. But there find a new comment of such rank political naivete that it can not stand unchallenged.
So begin crafting a pithy reply. My muse has as uneasy relationship with the touchscreen keyboard - especially when unsteadily balanced on two pale naked fat thighs. The time to depart for work may even be advancing. But "someone is wrong on the Internet", etc.
Then my wife will shout through the door, "Are you on MetaFilter again? I'm sorry I bought you that thing."
posted by Trurl at 8:24 AM on October 29, 2011 [11 favorites]
Then the iPad changed everything. [You knew that was coming.] Why not check to see if any favorites have come in?
Maybe one did. Go to the thread to admire my handiwork in context. But there find a new comment of such rank political naivete that it can not stand unchallenged.
So begin crafting a pithy reply. My muse has as uneasy relationship with the touchscreen keyboard - especially when unsteadily balanced on two pale naked fat thighs. The time to depart for work may even be advancing. But "someone is wrong on the Internet", etc.
Then my wife will shout through the door, "Are you on MetaFilter again? I'm sorry I bought you that thing."
posted by Trurl at 8:24 AM on October 29, 2011 [11 favorites]
I will read anything, but if I can choose I prefer short Lord Dunsany stories in the bathroom.
posted by everichon at 8:25 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by everichon at 8:25 AM on October 29, 2011
A colony of fruit flies has taken over my bathroom so I tend so I don't like to linger in there. They seem so happy in there I really hate to disturb them, fruit flies need me time too.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:27 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by Ad hominem at 8:27 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
I once had a boss who had the annoying habit of giving me assignments while we were both standing at the urinal.
I told mine, "There are some things I don't want to be evaluated on."
posted by Trurl at 8:31 AM on October 29, 2011
I told mine, "There are some things I don't want to be evaluated on."
posted by Trurl at 8:31 AM on October 29, 2011
We've had a few guests disappear in our downstairs bathroom for slightly extended periods of time. One finally said to me: a Magic Eye book? Are you kidding?!
It's perfect, really.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:41 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
It's perfect, really.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:41 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
The important thing is to wash your hands with soap after using the loo to get the bugs off
No shit.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:43 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
No shit.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:43 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Back when the iPad came out and the city was canvassed with the ubiquitous ads of hip people with nice shoes enjoying their Apple products, I came up with an "honest" iPad ad:
You'd see the iPad, a dude's hairy, bare knees sticking out above it, some shoes down below, and crumpled pants and a belt. All done in the slick Apple style. Here, I did a quick mockup in mspaint.
posted by phunniemee at 8:45 AM on October 29, 2011 [9 favorites]
You'd see the iPad, a dude's hairy, bare knees sticking out above it, some shoes down below, and crumpled pants and a belt. All done in the slick Apple style. Here, I did a quick mockup in mspaint.
posted by phunniemee at 8:45 AM on October 29, 2011 [9 favorites]
You're not doing much, why not check up on Metafilter?
Man I am so tired of all this threadshitting.
posted by cortex at 8:46 AM on October 29, 2011 [5 favorites]
Man I am so tired of all this threadshitting.
posted by cortex at 8:46 AM on October 29, 2011 [5 favorites]
Better to read in the loo than shit in the library.
Could somebody translate that into Latin? I'm working on my family coat of arms.
posted by PlusDistance at 8:47 AM on October 29, 2011 [10 favorites]
Could somebody translate that into Latin? I'm working on my family coat of arms.
posted by PlusDistance at 8:47 AM on October 29, 2011 [10 favorites]
What are Mefites reading on the bowl?
Isaac Asimov's Book of Facts and one or two of The Straight Dope books. The latest Atlantic. Etc.
posted by jquinby at 8:47 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Isaac Asimov's Book of Facts and one or two of The Straight Dope books. The latest Atlantic. Etc.
posted by jquinby at 8:47 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
My uncle had a sign on his bathroom door that said "Library."
posted by infinitewindow at 8:48 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by infinitewindow at 8:48 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Whenever I have students learning about how to use MacConkey agar to isolate gram (-ve) enterics and differentiate coliform bacteria we get them to smear cue tips of all sorts of stuff over MacConkey plates to see what we can find. It turns out toilet water is actually pretty sanitary while cell phones are about the most consistently poop laden that creative students have come up with along with belt buckles. The more you know.
posted by Blasdelb at 8:49 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Blasdelb at 8:49 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Could somebody translate that into Latin?
I, too, would like to see this. Google Translate doesn't seem to want to do this right.
posted by jquinby at 8:53 AM on October 29, 2011
I, too, would like to see this. Google Translate doesn't seem to want to do this right.
posted by jquinby at 8:53 AM on October 29, 2011
Here's my take on reading while sitting. What is happening below the waist does not require your hands. Up until a certain point you can use those hands to hold a book or e-reader or mobile device or whatever. That is up until you make the decision to start wiping. But once you make that choice - and start the process of pulling off toilet paper and wiping and pulling off additional toilet paper, there's no going back to reading. You've already placed your hands where fecal matter resides. So no reading again until you've properly cleaned yourself, your hands, and used a towel.
posted by Fizz at 8:53 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 8:53 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
"Ah yes, the dreaded poop coach."
So, that thread was so memorable that you remembered it for 5 years? hmmmm...
posted by HuronBob at 8:54 AM on October 29, 2011
So, that thread was so memorable that you remembered it for 5 years? hmmmm...
posted by HuronBob at 8:54 AM on October 29, 2011
Man, I used to love lingering on the john, catching up on stuff on my Blackberry or playing a quick game of Monopoly on my other phone. That was until my legs fell asleep. Trying to get up while temporarily paralyzed with your pants around your ankles has Komedy Kavalcade written all over it. I never fell but came close a couple of times.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 8:54 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 8:54 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
Ad hominem: "A colony of fruit flies has taken over my bathroom so I tend so I don't like to linger in there. They seem so happy in there I really hate to disturb them, fruit flies need me time too"
Put an inverted cone of paper with the point open in the neck of a Mason jar full of vinegar.
I lived in a disgusting 'commune' last summer where the owners insisted on keeping the 'compost' indoors, uncovered. Of course, they had their own, seperate kitchen. I made one of these setups and within two days, there were more flies than vinegar in the jar.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:55 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
Put an inverted cone of paper with the point open in the neck of a Mason jar full of vinegar.
I lived in a disgusting 'commune' last summer where the owners insisted on keeping the 'compost' indoors, uncovered. Of course, they had their own, seperate kitchen. I made one of these setups and within two days, there were more flies than vinegar in the jar.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:55 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
Put an inverted cone of paper with the point open in the neck of a Mason jar full of vinegar.
Even easier? Use a beer bottle. Beer bottle with about an inch of vinegar (apple cider vinegar is like crack for fruit flies, but regular vinegar is fine), a drop of dish soap, and a tiny piece of banana (if you have it). Wait a day. Ta-dah!
posted by phunniemee at 9:06 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
Even easier? Use a beer bottle. Beer bottle with about an inch of vinegar (apple cider vinegar is like crack for fruit flies, but regular vinegar is fine), a drop of dish soap, and a tiny piece of banana (if you have it). Wait a day. Ta-dah!
posted by phunniemee at 9:06 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
Put an inverted cone of paper with the point open in the neck of a Mason jar full of vinegar.
I don't really want to kill them, this is the only colony of fruit flies I have seen in New York outside of high school biology. I'm hoping they will mutate and evolve into super intelligent fruit flies and start paying rent. I wish they would stop hanging out on my towels though, I got the their own and they don't even use it.
The only issue so far is whenever I have a lady caller I have to ask them to use the guest bathroom. I know asking them to run down the hall wrapped in a sheet will only cause them bemusement whereas having them attempt to use the master bathroom only to be swarmed with fruit flies will cause them to leave.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:06 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
I don't really want to kill them, this is the only colony of fruit flies I have seen in New York outside of high school biology. I'm hoping they will mutate and evolve into super intelligent fruit flies and start paying rent. I wish they would stop hanging out on my towels though, I got the their own and they don't even use it.
The only issue so far is whenever I have a lady caller I have to ask them to use the guest bathroom. I know asking them to run down the hall wrapped in a sheet will only cause them bemusement whereas having them attempt to use the master bathroom only to be swarmed with fruit flies will cause them to leave.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:06 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
Uh oh fruit flies are ruining Ad hominem's love life - occupy his master bathroom immediately
posted by infini at 9:22 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by infini at 9:22 AM on October 29, 2011
Am I the only person whose cat thinks someone going into the bathroom means it's time for skritches?
I keep a litterbox in the bathroom. One of our cats doesn't accompany me in for skritches. It's community poop time!
What are Mefites reading on the bowl?
If you haven't discovered the joy of the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader series of books, may I be the one to introduce you to them? They apparently are recommended highly by (MetaFilter's Own) John Hodgman, and even have a blog with a lot of things the iEnabled amongst us.
posted by hippybear at 9:24 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I keep a litterbox in the bathroom. One of our cats doesn't accompany me in for skritches. It's community poop time!
What are Mefites reading on the bowl?
If you haven't discovered the joy of the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader series of books, may I be the one to introduce you to them? They apparently are recommended highly by (MetaFilter's Own) John Hodgman, and even have a blog with a lot of things the iEnabled amongst us.
posted by hippybear at 9:24 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Put an inverted cone of paper with the point open in the neck of a Mason jar full of vinegar.
Aren't you supposed to be able to catch more flies with honey?
posted by hippybear at 9:26 AM on October 29, 2011 [5 favorites]
Aren't you supposed to be able to catch more flies with honey?
posted by hippybear at 9:26 AM on October 29, 2011 [5 favorites]
I don't really want to kill them, this is the only colony of fruit flies I have seen in New York outside of high school biology. I'm hoping they will mutate and evolve into super intelligent fruit flies and start paying rent.
I sense a sitcom here. Is Jerry Seinfeld available?
posted by SPrintF at 9:39 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I sense a sitcom here. Is Jerry Seinfeld available?
posted by SPrintF at 9:39 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
hippybear: "Aren't you supposed to be able to catch more flies with honey?"
I'm filing "You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" in the same cabinet as "What doesnt' kill me, makes me stronger".
posted by dunkadunc at 9:44 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
I'm filing "You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" in the same cabinet as "What doesnt' kill me, makes me stronger".
posted by dunkadunc at 9:44 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
Seriously, I don't know how someone could read in a public bathroom.
Graffiti can be fun to read. Once when I was a lad, I had to use the facilities in the convention center next to the Astrodome. This was the mid-late 70s and the stall walls were COVERED from top to bottom with gay graffiti.*
Except one spot. Where someone had taken the time to match the (barely seen) paint of the stall wall's paint, painted over the queer stuff and then wrote in calligraphy:
"Doesn't anyone write about pussy anymore?"
I've had a twisted fascination with bathroom graffiti ever since.
*This was how (along with Logan's Run) I was introduced to the concept of homosexuality.
posted by PapaLobo at 9:48 AM on October 29, 2011 [8 favorites]
Graffiti can be fun to read. Once when I was a lad, I had to use the facilities in the convention center next to the Astrodome. This was the mid-late 70s and the stall walls were COVERED from top to bottom with gay graffiti.*
Except one spot. Where someone had taken the time to match the (barely seen) paint of the stall wall's paint, painted over the queer stuff and then wrote in calligraphy:
"Doesn't anyone write about pussy anymore?"
I've had a twisted fascination with bathroom graffiti ever since.
*This was how (along with Logan's Run) I was introduced to the concept of homosexuality.
posted by PapaLobo at 9:48 AM on October 29, 2011 [8 favorites]
Only if you don't have the cup of tea and a tab to go with.
Note to Americans: not *that* kind of tab, thankfully.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:51 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Note to Americans: not *that* kind of tab, thankfully.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:51 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
A colony of fruit flies has taken over my bathroom
You keep your fruit in the bathroom? No? Then those are drain flies. Boiling water will take care of them pretty quickly.
Anyhoo, my reading material is DIY magazines. Perfect article length, really, lots of small items to browse.
Then:
PHOEBE: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
RACHEL: Hey, nice toilet.
JOEY: No no no, behind it.
ROSS: Wha-, you have a phone in here?
JOEY: That's right, I have a phone in here.
MONICA: Joey, promise me something.
JOEY: Yeah.
MONICA: Never call me from that phone.
posted by dhartung at 9:54 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
You keep your fruit in the bathroom? No? Then those are drain flies. Boiling water will take care of them pretty quickly.
Anyhoo, my reading material is DIY magazines. Perfect article length, really, lots of small items to browse.
Then:
PHOEBE: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
RACHEL: Hey, nice toilet.
JOEY: No no no, behind it.
ROSS: Wha-, you have a phone in here?
JOEY: That's right, I have a phone in here.
MONICA: Joey, promise me something.
JOEY: Yeah.
MONICA: Never call me from that phone.
posted by dhartung at 9:54 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I sense a sitcom here. Is Jerry Seinfeld available?
Kinda like Joe's Aprtment
I think it should be done by Pixar.Seinfeld can do the voice of the lovable scruffy computer nerd. We can have multiple generations of fruit flies. The doddering great grandfather, complete with cane and ear trumpet, always going on and on about something that happened 3 generations ago, which was actually only last week. The earnest hard-working parents, the adorable baby fruit flies who always want nanners or something.
It will have to be time compressed, make it the course of one day. Or else we would have to show the baby fruit flies get old and die. Or maybe we can make that work, every time the hero pops into the bathroom the babies are slightly older. First they are larva, and the parents are showing them off, next they are toddlers, they are uncoordinated and learning to fly, then they are Tweens and are like "awwww mom, I been flying for hours!, I will be fine flying out of the barroom"
Could work.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:55 AM on October 29, 2011
Kinda like Joe's Aprtment
I think it should be done by Pixar.Seinfeld can do the voice of the lovable scruffy computer nerd. We can have multiple generations of fruit flies. The doddering great grandfather, complete with cane and ear trumpet, always going on and on about something that happened 3 generations ago, which was actually only last week. The earnest hard-working parents, the adorable baby fruit flies who always want nanners or something.
It will have to be time compressed, make it the course of one day. Or else we would have to show the baby fruit flies get old and die. Or maybe we can make that work, every time the hero pops into the bathroom the babies are slightly older. First they are larva, and the parents are showing them off, next they are toddlers, they are uncoordinated and learning to fly, then they are Tweens and are like "awwww mom, I been flying for hours!, I will be fine flying out of the barroom"
Could work.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:55 AM on October 29, 2011
You keep your fruit in the bathroom? No? Then those are drain flies. Boiling water will take care of them pretty quickly.
Nononononono. I am going to have to kill them with fire. Maybe I ilk just leave and never come back, that might be safer.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:59 AM on October 29, 2011
Nononononono. I am going to have to kill them with fire. Maybe I ilk just leave and never come back, that might be safer.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:59 AM on October 29, 2011
I would watch Ad Hominen's script totally, with popcorn, but in the living room.
posted by infini at 10:03 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by infini at 10:03 AM on October 29, 2011
Toilet time = how much time I devote to facebook checking.
posted by rainbaby at 10:18 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by rainbaby at 10:18 AM on October 29, 2011
I am going to have to kill them with fire.
I strongly advise against using rubbing alcohol and a creme brulee torch.
posted by elizardbits at 10:21 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I strongly advise against using rubbing alcohol and a creme brulee torch.
posted by elizardbits at 10:21 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I now know way more about my fellow Mefites than I ever expected - or wanted - to.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:28 AM on October 29, 2011
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:28 AM on October 29, 2011
I happen to have some sterno. I am going to dump it down the drain then light it on fire. Suck on that drain flies! I thought you were flies that liked fruit, turns out you are flies who like drains, you must die.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:34 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Ad hominem at 10:34 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Once, in Bristol train station toilets, I overheard the following exchange between two guys in adjoining cubicles.
Guy1: Oof. This is hard work, innit?
Guy2: You think this is hard work? I works in sheet metal - that's hard work.
Guy1: Nah, I'll tell you what's hard work - women. Them's hard work.
This debate on what constituted hard work, over and above having a dump, doubtless continued but I had to leave the toilets for fear of hurting myself through hysterics.
posted by MUD at 10:46 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
Guy1: Oof. This is hard work, innit?
Guy2: You think this is hard work? I works in sheet metal - that's hard work.
Guy1: Nah, I'll tell you what's hard work - women. Them's hard work.
This debate on what constituted hard work, over and above having a dump, doubtless continued but I had to leave the toilets for fear of hurting myself through hysterics.
posted by MUD at 10:46 AM on October 29, 2011 [6 favorites]
What are Mefites reading on the bowl?
The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee
In the text, she says that's where she assumes you'll be reading it, and in my case she was absolutely correct.
posted by Obscure Reference at 10:54 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee
In the text, she says that's where she assumes you'll be reading it, and in my case she was absolutely correct.
posted by Obscure Reference at 10:54 AM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
What are Mefites reading on the bowl?
Believer magazine. J. Crew catalogs. Words With Friends.
(Watch for my upcoming book, Stuff White People Like While Shitting)
posted by naju at 11:16 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
Believer magazine. J. Crew catalogs. Words With Friends.
(Watch for my upcoming book, Stuff White People Like While Shitting)
posted by naju at 11:16 AM on October 29, 2011 [4 favorites]
Any time I've walked into the bathroom of a friend and seen that they have a stash of reading material in there, I confess my estimation of them drops.
posted by modernnomad at 11:53 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by modernnomad at 11:53 AM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Wired and Michael Kupperman comics. I can't recommend the latter enough.
posted by Pope Xanax IV at 12:05 PM on October 29, 2011
posted by Pope Xanax IV at 12:05 PM on October 29, 2011
modernnomad: "Any time I've walked into the bathroom of a friend and seen that they have a stash of reading material in there, I confess my estimation of them drops"
I agree. They should use a Kindle.
posted by Memo at 12:52 PM on October 29, 2011
I agree. They should use a Kindle.
posted by Memo at 12:52 PM on October 29, 2011
I saw a study the other day (UK I think) that found fecal bacteria on an extraordinary percentage of cell phones.
posted by spitbull at 12:57 PM on October 29, 2011
posted by spitbull at 12:57 PM on October 29, 2011
I agree. They should use a Kindle.
Well no, if you read the article, books are not good hosts for bacteria, whereas smooth plastic is.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:58 PM on October 29, 2011
Well no, if you read the article, books are not good hosts for bacteria, whereas smooth plastic is.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:58 PM on October 29, 2011
Better to read in the loo than shit in the library.
Latine dicitur:
Melius in latrina legere quam in bibliotheca cacare.
posted by rakeswell at 1:39 PM on October 29, 2011 [22 favorites]
Latine dicitur:
Melius in latrina legere quam in bibliotheca cacare.
posted by rakeswell at 1:39 PM on October 29, 2011 [22 favorites]
I do my taxes on the toilet. Seems appropriate.
posted by tarbet at 1:44 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by tarbet at 1:44 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Once, in Bristol train station toilets, I overheard the following exchange between two guys in adjoining cubicles.
Bristol Temple Meads or Bristol Parkway? Not that I was one of the guys in the stalls or anything, mind you.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:48 PM on October 29, 2011
Bristol Temple Meads or Bristol Parkway? Not that I was one of the guys in the stalls or anything, mind you.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:48 PM on October 29, 2011
This is a "male thing"? Because I don't understand reading or spending a lot of time on the toilet. I take a shit or a piss and get the hell out ASAP. Thank you, fiber! I don't really relish having my pants down and being exposed. I just wanna wipe my ass and get out of there.
posted by autoclavicle at 2:10 PM on October 29, 2011
posted by autoclavicle at 2:10 PM on October 29, 2011
I happen to have some sterno. I am going to dump it down the drain then light it on fire. Suck on that drain flies! I thought you were flies that liked fruit, turns out you are flies who like drains, you must die.
I'm only in this thread to find out what happens to Ad hominem's flies before it turns into a Michael Bey movie.
posted by maudlin at 2:11 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm only in this thread to find out what happens to Ad hominem's flies before it turns into a Michael Bey movie.
posted by maudlin at 2:11 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
"cacare" is "to shit" in latin? that is awesome. clearly i did not pester my high school latin teacher for enough unsavory words.
posted by ghostbikes at 2:22 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by ghostbikes at 2:22 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would rather people read on the toilet than talk on the phone on the toilet. At work. In the stall next to me.
A well timed fart will stop this behavior.
posted by Mcable at 3:01 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
A well timed fart will stop this behavior.
posted by Mcable at 3:01 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm only in this thread to find out what happens to Ad hominem's flies before it turns into a Michael Bey movie.
They are still there. I don't have the heart to kill them, they are my fly bros. I hope they aren't walking on my toothbrush though.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:38 PM on October 29, 2011
They are still there. I don't have the heart to kill them, they are my fly bros. I hope they aren't walking on my toothbrush though.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:38 PM on October 29, 2011
I used to have a coworker who was as regular as a Swiss train. Every day at 9:45 he would stand up, tuck his current book or magazine under his arm, and stride off to the restroom, head high and shoulders back. That's what happens when you have coffee and a bran muffin for breakfast every day.
(There were a lot of weird inside jokes at that office, a lot of which centered on the single-occupancy restrooms. Now every time I see or hear that "share the road!" slogan I giggle quietly to myself and think about pooping.)
posted by palomar at 4:58 PM on October 29, 2011
(There were a lot of weird inside jokes at that office, a lot of which centered on the single-occupancy restrooms. Now every time I see or hear that "share the road!" slogan I giggle quietly to myself and think about pooping.)
posted by palomar at 4:58 PM on October 29, 2011
Oh, also, I totally hang out and read in the restrooms at my current job. It's basically the only way I can look at anything on the internet with any level of privacy while at work -- one of my officemates has a perfect view of my monitors and would be super butthurt if she saw me on Facebook since I had to block her for being annoying. Sorry, Facebook friends, but if I've "liked" something of yours during work hours, I probably did it with my pants down.
Boy, my internal filter is just gone today. Whee!
posted by palomar at 5:03 PM on October 29, 2011
Boy, my internal filter is just gone today. Whee!
posted by palomar at 5:03 PM on October 29, 2011
I don't have the heart to kill them, they are my fly bros.
This is, indeed, rapidly turning into a remake of Joe's Apartment.
posted by hippybear at 5:09 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
This is, indeed, rapidly turning into a remake of Joe's Apartment.
posted by hippybear at 5:09 PM on October 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Our bathroom in Norway had heated floors. We would camp out in there, read, chat, take naps. We had cushions and everything. Mrs A and I have a weird concept of personal space, plus the rest of the apartment was kinda cool in the winter.
posted by arcticseal at 5:23 PM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by arcticseal at 5:23 PM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
God damn, when I've made my fortune I'm having heated floors in every fucking room of the house.
On topic, I still can't believe how many execs think nothing of taking the communal newspaper to the loo and then putting it back when they're done.
NO I'VE ALREADY READ THE PAPER THANKS.
posted by Space Kitty at 5:48 PM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
On topic, I still can't believe how many execs think nothing of taking the communal newspaper to the loo and then putting it back when they're done.
NO I'VE ALREADY READ THE PAPER THANKS.
posted by Space Kitty at 5:48 PM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
I once had a boss who'd grumpily grab the newspaper, leave for 20 minutes, then come back all full of smiles and sunshine, brandishing the paper at me and asking things like, "what's a six letter word for lazy?"
posted by phunniemee at 5:55 PM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 5:55 PM on October 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
No discussion on toilet reading can be complete without the famous response of composer Max Reger to one of his critics:
"I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment it will be behind me!"posted by Dr Dracator at 11:04 PM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]
What are MeFites reading on the bowl
Lamb and The Baroque Cycle, sometimes. More often than not, it's actually sudoku on the phone. The difficulty of one act is matched by the difficulty of the puzzle.
posted by doyouknowwhoIam? at 8:58 AM on October 30, 2011
Lamb and The Baroque Cycle, sometimes. More often than not, it's actually sudoku on the phone. The difficulty of one act is matched by the difficulty of the puzzle.
posted by doyouknowwhoIam? at 8:58 AM on October 30, 2011
Our bathroom had heated floors, too! The cats love it even more than we do.
posted by rtha at 12:27 PM on October 30, 2011
posted by rtha at 12:27 PM on October 30, 2011
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This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
*Apparently, it's not.
posted by drezdn at 6:50 AM on October 29, 2011 [3 favorites]