Garfield's Royal Rescue, Part 2

November 4, 2011 12:20 PM

The latest entry in ToplessRobot's ongoing Fan Fiction Friday series, will probably be the greatest thing you read all month. Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield's Royal Rescue, Part 2

One of the less insane excerpts: "It was Jon Arbuckle on the hillside with hair blowing in wind and sun blazing behind him! Jon Arbuckle took out his flaming lasagna electric guitar and started playing cords of power. The rockin metal began giving power to Garfield muscles recharging them with rock. The power of metal ran through Garfield's massive muscles and he broke free of chains with ease."

posted by JoeGoblin (22 comments total)

Gah! On first glance, this promises to be even worse than the one with exploding presidential bowels and Bill Clinton turning into a flesh chair. I'm not sure my mental health would take the strain of a careful and complete read.
posted by Iosephus at 12:34 PM on November 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

It actually isn't very dirty. Just hilarious from a completely insane/terribly written standpoint.
posted by JoeGoblin at 12:38 PM on November 4, 2011

"You fools are gluttons for pain but do not be of worry for I am the buffet and it is all you can eat!"

I'm going to have to use that sometime.
posted by hellojed at 12:41 PM on November 4, 2011 [2 favorites]

NaNoWriMo, what have you wrought?!?
posted by trunk muffins at 12:44 PM on November 4, 2011 [2 favorites]

(Fair enough then. I'll grant you the druid whipmaster is a fine touch, as batshit insane fiction goes, heh.)
posted by Iosephus at 12:47 PM on November 4, 2011

I think I'm gonna post this to /r/atheism as proof there is no god.
posted by FishBike at 12:47 PM on November 4, 2011 [2 favorites]

This has made my life better.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:50 PM on November 4, 2011

"NOOOOO." Cried out Prince Harry in saddness anger.
...
He stared off with obsession and could not get vision of Prince William crashing into Big Ben and Kate Middleton running to Garfields biceps out of his royal mind.
...
It was Jon Arbuckle on the hillside with hair blowing in wind and sun blazing behind him! Jon Arbuckle took out his flaming lasagna electric guitar and started playing cords of power. The rockin metal began giving power to Garfield muscles recharging them with rock. The power of metal ran through Garfield's massive muscles and he broke free of chains with ease.

Doesn't this all seem a little too perfect. Like, when Half Life Consequences turned out to be a joke?
posted by JHarris at 1:03 PM on November 4, 2011

I'm just happy that it exists.
posted by JoeGoblin at 1:17 PM on November 4, 2011

Doesn't this all seem a little too perfect. Like, when Half Life Consequences turned out to be a joke?

Oh, I hope so. I really don't want to think about the existence of fanfic that is this bad by accident.
posted by FishBike at 1:22 PM on November 4, 2011

"You are after GAFIELD!" Cried out Kate Middleton in shock."

She's so shocked she forgot the "R"!

NO, that's the British accent. DUH.
posted by delmoi at 1:39 PM on November 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

I once read a piece of fanfiction in which Sam from Quantum Leap was Anne Frank and had to fall in love with the little boy she was hiding with. And to help her with this? The sapient hamsters of Hamtaro. It was the single greatest/worst thing I have ever read. I could never find it again, however.

That doesn't matter. This wins.
posted by munchingzombie at 1:40 PM on November 4, 2011 [3 favorites]

This was certainly more fun to read with over the top commentary than it would have been on its own. Fred Clark's multi-year dissection of the Left Behind series at Slacktivist is another example. Is there a TVTrope for line-by-line commentaries that are more fun to read than the original?

Jon Arbuckle took out his flaming lasagna electric guitar and started playing cords of power.

Some fictional characters deserve a standing ovation in-story. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy gets two (after the truck sequence, swimming to the submarine). Can anyone identify the relevant TVTrope?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:48 PM on November 4, 2011

Is there a TVTrope for line-by-line commentaries that are more fun to read than the original?

If they don't, they should call it "MST3K for reading" or something like that. And I need more of that sort of thing, yes I do.
posted by Doleful Creature at 2:02 PM on November 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is what I am calling a pool party.
posted by Spatch at 2:10 PM on November 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

I once read a piece of fanfiction in which Sam from Quantum Leap was Anne Frank and had to fall in love with the little boy she was hiding with. And to help her with this? The sapient hamsters of Hamtaro. It was the single greatest/worst thing I have ever read. I could never find it again, however.

That doesn't matter. This wins.

Okay, now I'm worried. I wrote a crossover ff with Quantum Leap, and another with Hamtaro. Oh no! I'm disturbed!!!!

Well, not as disturbed as the person who wrote the one described above, but surely we'd be in the same sunroom in the same institution, probably sharing cigarettes.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:20 PM on November 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Even princes must obey the law of the fist."
posted by Iridic at 2:23 PM on November 4, 2011

Some fictional characters deserve a standing ovation in-story. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy gets two (after the truck sequence, swimming to the submarine). Can anyone identify the relevant TVTrope?

Unless you mean something more specific, that sounds like Crowning Moment of Awesome.
posted by cortex at 2:29 PM on November 4, 2011

Um... uh... what?
posted by zarq at 3:35 PM on November 4, 2011

Is there a TVTrope for line-by-line commentaries that are more fun to read than the original?

If they don't, they should call it "MST3K for reading" or something like that. And I need more of that sort of thing, yes I do.

Back in the day on the old rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc newsgroup, they used to do this all the time with Star Trek fanfic and TV/film transcripts. In the parlance of RATMM, it was known as "MSTing." The group's MSTings of the ST:TNG Marrissa Saga were wonderful things indeed. Since it's literally been 10 years since I've had Usenet access, I have no idea if anybody else is carrying on the tradition. Any former/present RATMMites in the blue?
posted by Strange Interlude at 4:10 PM on November 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Everything Strange Interlude said is true. pinky.wtower.net used to be a haven for that kind of thing. It's worth nothing though that these things were actually MST3K fanfiction -- they put Joel and/or Mike and the bots there commenting line for line on other fanfiction. Of course, it had about the same hit rate as "normal" fanfic, that is to say, there was a lot of crap.
posted by JHarris at 8:21 AM on November 5, 2011

Yeah, the day you realize you're writing fanfiction solely to slam other fanfiction is a bit of a reality shock. (atm/ratmm/etc dinosaur here. bat guano!) If anything, it was an amusing way to deal with Usenet kooks, whose rantings made up a decent percentage of fan MSTings.
posted by Spatch at 4:13 PM on November 5, 2011