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But does he drink Dos Equis?
February 16, 2012 1:33 PM   Subscribe

The International Man: "My mission is very simple: To find the 'Rolls-Royces' of every category listed on this website on the Internet to help you avoid wasting your time and make it your useful and indispensable lifestyle and luxury resource." posted by whimsicalnymph (91 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 
"- if you cannot find it here, you cannot find it anyhwere[sic]!"

Might want to find the world's best dictionary...
posted by Solomon at 1:35 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh lord he's even doing the "every rich douche rests his oversize cranium on his stubby fingers" pose. WHY DO THEY ALL DO THAT? YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE JAMES BOND, YOU LOOK LIKE A TURTLENECK MODEL.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:37 PM on February 16, 2012 [5 favorites]


They don't list Saddleback Leather in their luggage/accessory category. Litmus test: fail.
posted by RolandOfEld at 1:37 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


Clearly the best web design money can buy!
posted by atrazine at 1:43 PM on February 16, 2012 [18 favorites]


Wow, what a handy resource! Under "booksellers" he's got a link to this site called "Amazon" which I've never heard of! And also to the Bodleian Library, which might come as a bit of a surprise to any of the old-fashioned librarians there unaccustomed to selling off the stock.
posted by Fnarf at 1:44 PM on February 16, 2012 [9 favorites]


Homepage.
posted by whimsicalnymph at 1:44 PM on February 16, 2012


Sorry, no matches were found containing viyella

If you can't even direct me to a purveyor of viyella shirts, I might as well take my vast inheritance elsewhere! Good day to you sir!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 1:45 PM on February 16, 2012


Might want to find the world's best dictionary...

2nd edition OED in 20 volumes or the 10 volume India paper Century Dictionary? Decisions, decisions.
posted by Zed at 1:46 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


I was hoping for a more refined selection. For example, Coffee includes Wikipedia links to Coffee and Barista, and he links to Dunkin' Donuts Coffee and Starbucks, along with Kopi Luwak or civet coffee.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:47 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


Chocolate > USA
HERSHEY'S
ಠ_ಠ
posted by crapmatic at 1:47 PM on February 16, 2012 [20 favorites]


Apparently buzzfeed and the national enquirer are the Rolls Royce of celebrity gossip
posted by delmoi at 1:49 PM on February 16, 2012


Hurr hurr he's doing that rich guy pose like 'it's no big thang, I'm just chillin' here in the dark with my CARTIER WATCH and by GOLD PINKY RING and HAIR GEL look at my conspicuous CONSUMPTION I'm RICH RICH RICH'

His 'member card', TIM-Card? Makes me think of Tim Hortons and their delicious, delicious Canadian Timbits. If you can't get Timbits with that TIM-Card, I call shenanigans.
posted by zennish at 1:53 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


International Male (SFW, Archive.org view that tries to link to the current site, which is not as entertaining).
posted by filthy light thief at 1:53 PM on February 16, 2012


Looks like link spam.
posted by wuwei at 1:54 PM on February 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


But does he drink Dos Equis?

No, and his beer list is awfully mediocre. No Eisbocks or Imperial anythings. Hell, his list includes Budweiser. Bitch please.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:55 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


Finally! I can be the asshole I always wanted to be!
posted by cmoj at 1:57 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE JAMES BOND, YOU LOOK LIKE A TURTLENECK MODEL

I would go with amateur turtleneck model. Or even aspiring turtleneck model. Waking up every morning with dreams of turtleneck modelling shining in his eyes, nothing to his name but a pocketful of dreams and a vague resemblance to Charlie Sheen at his most sober and boring.
posted by saturday_morning at 1:57 PM on February 16, 2012 [8 favorites]


This makes it all worthwhile: testimonials.

Such as:
The International Man is a great online reference resource for guys with a taste for eclectic materialism, continuing unselfconscious erudition and all things that make life a good treasure hunt.
Regards and thanks,
Rodan.
Rodan. The perfect ending to a perfect testimonial.
posted by blurker at 1:58 PM on February 16, 2012 [10 favorites]


Top Connoisseur Products, Providers & Services

Granted, a deluxe toilet is important to International Men such as ourselves, but it probably shouldn't be the lead-off item.

Again -- not disparaging the deluxe toilet. They give me the service and support I need, at a quality of comfort I deserve and expect. It's just -- 'connoisseur products' -- I was thinking caviar, foie gras, maybe even a nice selection of turtle meat. Toilets, those are for later.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:59 PM on February 16, 2012


YOU LOOK LIKE A TURTLENECK MODEL

I was thinking more like an unstable clone of Hart to Hart-era Robert Wagner.
posted by Iridic at 2:00 PM on February 16, 2012 [4 favorites]


This has got to be link spam, because I can't think of any way this could be useful for anyone.

In the "Switzerland" section of Cheeses, he lists, among other things, "Swiss Cheese," yet he fails to specify whether chunky or creamy is the Rolls Royce of peanut butter!
posted by aubilenon at 2:04 PM on February 16, 2012 [5 favorites]


The Rolex of website background colors is a tad darker than Mefi Blue.

His recomendations under the heading of "Music" open with a big headshot of Lady Gaga, and include, among other things, Karaoke.
posted by idiopath at 2:08 PM on February 16, 2012


The reminds me of all the pages you had to flip past in old Playboy magazines, before you could get to the pichers of nekkid wimmin.
posted by benito.strauss at 2:09 PM on February 16, 2012 [9 favorites]


Um, no.
posted by Lynsey at 2:11 PM on February 16, 2012


His list of types of caviar is woefully incomplete.

He doesn't even touch on the grades of Beluga.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:14 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I really love this site. It oozes with character, and it's full of interesting observations. Kim Weiss seems to be an interesting fellow.

His biography makes him out to be... well, some kind of pan-European playboy from way back, running around from Denmark to Paris to Monte Carlo to Saint Tropez to who knows where else. The Google Translate rendition of that page is typically hard to parse, but very much worth reading.

Again, Kim Weiss appears to be a rather interesting human being, whatever one may think of him. And I guess Arnold Schwarzenegger once told him that he ought to live in New York. According to the image of his New York State photo ID included in the biography (!) Kim Weiss apparently followed that advice and ended up living in the Empire State Building.
posted by koeselitz at 2:14 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]




OTOH, I had no idea this existed:
http://www.rolanditen.com/collection-calibre-r8-mkii-collection.php

Belts with precision mechanical buckles. The watch geek in me is intrigued, although I know I'll never have one.
posted by bitmage at 2:16 PM on February 16, 2012


You don't say.
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:17 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh my god I must own the WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE JEANS:
Lowrise, boot cut ultra-premium denim pant in the Okeanos wash with subtle fading and distressing, hand spray painting, Swarovski cyrstals, metallic studs, and hand stitching throughout. Fully embellished dragon and tiger pring on left leg. Logo print and embellished Chinese character in silver foil on right leg. Embellished dragon and tiger on back right pocket with pocket cover. Button-flap pockets at back with top-grade diamond buttons.
posted by griphus at 2:20 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


I much prefer the almost-chatfilter AskMe threads that are similar.
posted by infinitewindow at 2:30 PM on February 16, 2012


I like that whatever small amount of traffic this FPP has brought to his site seems to have caused it to crash.
posted by coolxcool=rad at 2:31 PM on February 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


Clearly the best web design money can buy!

Site looks best when viewed through the FREE* International Man™ Monocle®!

-----
*Please send a self-addressed stamped envelope along with $199.95 to cover shipping and handling. Offer void where prohibited by law.
posted by mazola at 2:31 PM on February 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


A Bedazzler does not a fashion maven make.
posted by darkstar at 2:32 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I mean, somehow this reminds me of the old internet, the internet we were all excited about ten years ago – an internet of crazy characters and interesting people, people that don't necessarily share our own views or desires or predilections but who are nonetheless fascinating. It puts me in mind of that article from the NY Times the other day about the death of the cyberflaneur and the rise of the Facebook internet – carefully hemmed-in walled gardens, so that we never interact with anybody who's too different from us, and anyone who is notably different gets mocked.

Personally, reading through his biography, I'm somewhat charmed. It's kind of exciting to think of this guy growing up, leaving his home in Denmark, and going out into the world in the early 1970s to see Spain, France, and other places, and meeting interesting people (accidentally knocking over Frank Sinatra in Monte Carlo – wow) – and then ending up, finally, an old man in his 'command center' poking around the internet and recollecting his many years of exploring "the good things in life." At the end of his biography, it's noted that he's been diagnosed (in November 2011) with skin cancer, and that he's undergoing treatment; I'm not really sure what to make of this poorly-translated last paragraph of his biography, although it's striking:
"'It is coming to an end!' - As the old woman said when she spilled a can of paint down her back. " - So wrong it's still not gone, after Kim Weiss of 1 november 2011 was diagnosed as having an "unknown primary tumor with squamous cell carcinoma ( cancer removed from multi-layer plate epithelium) metastasis in the neck. " After having gone through the Copenhagen University Hospital Rigshospitalet toughest cancer treatment program consisting of (provisional) 1 operation, 6 chemotherapy treatments with 70 mg cisplatin and 34 photon beam treatments , the prognosis for survival is positive.
In any case, fascinating stuff.
posted by koeselitz at 2:33 PM on February 16, 2012 [14 favorites]


I'm embarrassed for him in so many ways. But I am sorry about his cancer, and if this bizarre little website is fun for him while he's dealing with that, I'm glad.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:38 PM on February 16, 2012


koeselitz, do you mean 20 years ago? By 10 years ago, a lot of that early interesting content was gone.
posted by maxwelton at 2:38 PM on February 16, 2012


maxwelton: “koeselitz, do you mean 20 years ago? By 10 years ago, a lot of that early interesting content was gone.”

Well, I was mostly thinking of "blog culture," but yeah. Around the turn of the century, when the blog thing really caught on, and people were interacting in new ways with people that were strange and different from them. I don't know if many people doing that in 1992, but if they were, that's great too.
posted by koeselitz at 2:42 PM on February 16, 2012


Not to be confused with The International Male.
posted by alex_skazat at 2:52 PM on February 16, 2012


Did you mean this International Male?
posted by griphus at 2:54 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh hey apparently if you follow the link in the link I just posted, there's a whole lot of barely-covered penises.
posted by griphus at 2:55 PM on February 16, 2012


I was expecting something Jesse Thorn-like, covering a wider range of topics. Could not have been more wrong!
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 2:58 PM on February 16, 2012


For the Rolls Royce of architecture he's just listed every large architecture firm in the world, including some really poor ones, and leaving out some really exclusive high end ones.

If I didn't know any better I'd say he was just link scraping wikipedia.
posted by notseamus at 2:59 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Also under beer he's included Budweiser. Under whose definition of Rolls Royce does Budweiser come close?
posted by notseamus at 3:00 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


I think we as a culture, and meFites in particular, have issues with cost. We think that things are expensive because they are gaudy, or priced up for the rubes, and there is something just as good or even better to be had for a fraction of the price. Sometimes that is not true. Sometimes things are expensive because they are rare, or because of the hours put in by a skilled craftsman. We demand quality and durability, but will pay only assembly line prices. Then we wonder why the socks we bought 12 for $1 fall apart.

Of course, some stuff really is just priced up for rubes. I comment this man for trying to separate the wheat from the chaff.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:00 PM on February 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


I also commend him.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:04 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hey, did anyone catch the sister site, Luxury Man, from the introduction page? Not sure what he's trying to do here, but it can't help his page rank, can it?
posted by Roger Dodger at 3:12 PM on February 16, 2012


The Riviera Casino in Vegas? Really?
posted by JoeZydeco at 3:19 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I thought that was a photo of Charlie Sheen, and prepared myself for some mediocre satire. When I saw that the site is real, I was a bit disappointed, but also thrilled by it's epicness. There's probably a word in German for that.
posted by Guernsey Halleck at 3:25 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]




Er – not brand-new, sorry. It was his, though. I think it's a 1959 model.
posted by koeselitz at 3:30 PM on February 16, 2012


Also under beer he's included Budweiser. Under whose definition of Rolls Royce does Budweiser come close?

Ahem. It's the Champagne of beers.
posted by Bummus at 3:30 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Nope, 1954. Anyway.
posted by koeselitz at 3:31 PM on February 16, 2012


WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE JEANS

I am pretty sure the jeans I bedazzled myself when I was 10 (with matching sassy jean jacket!) were virtually identical.
posted by elizardbits at 3:37 PM on February 16, 2012


I don't see Miller High Life on that list.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 3:39 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


The best web hosting that $4.99/mo of money can buy!
posted by schmod at 3:41 PM on February 16, 2012


That's the *champagne* of beers, not the Rolls-Royce.
posted by maryr at 3:41 PM on February 16, 2012


Doh, double, but not doppelbock.
posted by maryr at 3:42 PM on February 16, 2012


I am sorely tempted to send him information regarding the Rolls-Royce of menstrual products.
posted by maryr at 3:45 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


The experience of being on "The Internet" as become less and less exciting as time goes on. When there was nothing there it was full of possibilities. Dialing into a message board at 2400 baud you felt like an explorer entering a vast and uncharted world, one only hinted at in fever dreams and cyberpunk novels., Over time it became more familiar, the basic contours became clear. You had stuff like slashdot and internet culture was still all about technology.

Now we have buzzfeed.com and parezhilton and Rebecca Black - the structure has been stagnant and for years and the only 'innovation' we see are ways for people to try to squeeze more revenue out of it.
posted by delmoi at 3:48 PM on February 16, 2012 [5 favorites]


Squamous cell carcinoma, the Rolls Royce of cancer!
posted by scalefree at 3:48 PM on February 16, 2012


Well, I was mostly thinking of "blog culture," but yeah. Around the turn of the century, when the blog thing really caught on, and people were interacting in new ways with people that were strange and different from them. I don't know if many people doing that in 1992, but if they were, that's great too.

Sure we were but Usenet was the global crossroads back then. Usenet was booming in 92.
posted by scalefree at 3:51 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also under beer he's included Budweiser. Under whose definition of Rolls Royce does Budweiser come close?

Does he mean the original Budweiser, maybe? I had some once and it was good. Not as good as Pilsner Urquell, but very good.
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:59 PM on February 16, 2012


Miller High Life is the champagne of bottled beers, y'all.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:00 PM on February 16, 2012


The experience of being on "The Internet" as become less and less exciting as time goes on. When there was nothing there it was full of possibilities. Dialing into a message board at 2400 baud you felt like an explorer entering a vast and uncharted world, one only hinted at in fever dreams and cyberpunk novels. Over time it became more familiar, the basic contours became clear. You had stuff like slashdot and internet culture was still all about technology.

I still remember Bruce Sterling's first time speaking at a hacker con, before he got disillusioned after catching his first computer virus ("information wants to be free, it doesn't want to be infected") & seeing my first URL in the "real world" (it was on the side of a bakery delivery truck in Boston). World changes, we move with it. Surf the wave, Shockwave Rider.
posted by scalefree at 4:02 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sidhedevil: "Miller High Life is the champagne of bottled beers, y'all."

And Olde English 800 is the Rolls-Royce of 40 oz. malt liquor.

Don't forget to pour some out for your dead, rich homies.
posted by double block and bleed at 4:06 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I think this is an excellent idea, but the execution leaves something to be desired.
posted by Miko at 4:22 PM on February 16, 2012


If his site breaks, we're going to start getting a lot of shishi AskMe's...whereupon the Elites' staffs of personal assistants will sneer at our lack of refinement, not to mention our $5 barrier.
posted by obscurator at 4:24 PM on February 16, 2012


Budweiser is actually excellent at what it aims to be. I'm a big as beer snob as anyone, but faced with bleak offerings this weekend while traveling, I drank Bud.
posted by exogenous at 4:33 PM on February 16, 2012


This is kind of a similar idea, but actually useful: http://thewirecutter.com/
posted by lohmannn at 4:38 PM on February 16, 2012


NYC/Bars...

Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
...
Nope


Fail.
posted by Splunge at 4:50 PM on February 16, 2012


WORLD'S BEST BEACH - Bondi Beach: voted world's best beach by World Travel Awards 2009.
WORLD'S BEST INFLIGHT CUISINE - Qantas.


I have a feeling that Bondi beach won't even make the list of Top 10 Australian beaches. In fact, every Australian beach that I've been to has been better than Bondi. But perhaps things were really different back in 2009.

Qantas inflight cuisine? Fuck you, sir. Fuck you very much.
posted by vidur at 4:54 PM on February 16, 2012


Strangely, the Rolls Royce of cars isn't a Rolls Royce.

Also, we want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here, and we want them now.
posted by w0mbat at 4:55 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Wow, a handpicked list of Wikipedia links! Reading this website is like having to listen to egotistic drivel pretending to be stories. "And then in this year I went to that cool place and did this cool thing. And then I consumed this amazing product." Existentially completely empty.
posted by yoHighness at 5:07 PM on February 16, 2012


Sidhedevil: He includes Budvar underneath American Budweiser too. It's pretty good really. I prefer it to Urquell, but ymmv.
posted by notseamus at 5:26 PM on February 16, 2012


Is the web server for this located on the other side of an interdimensional time portal to the year 1976? Because that would explain a lot.
posted by thewalrus at 5:45 PM on February 16, 2012


Say what you want, but it looks like he put a lot of work into this "project". Also, lots of cool pics in the automotive section so I'd say as a whole this ranks just below passable.
posted by Vindaloo at 5:52 PM on February 16, 2012


It was just an honest mistake, folks. He meant Rose Royce. He's listing the 'Rose-Royces' of every category listed on the Internet.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:07 PM on February 16, 2012




Honest to God: The Chap is a better indicator of class and style.
posted by SPrintF at 6:29 PM on February 16, 2012


He used a photo of Chateau d'Yquem's dry white wine to illustrate the Sauternes section.
posted by aquafortis at 6:51 PM on February 16, 2012


Kim Weiss is the dillweed of playas.
posted by darkstar at 6:54 PM on February 16, 2012


The conceit of the site is that there's some secret cache of knowledge, some special insight available only to people with a sufficient depth & breadth of experience, that lets people like them judge quality in any & all classes of items, products, services & even people. It may be true for some rarefied domains but for the most part the wisdom of the crowd is honestly a much better judge of quality than any elite tastemaster could ever hope to be. Together all of us know better than the few of them ever did or will.
posted by scalefree at 7:04 PM on February 16, 2012


Maybe there's a secret login page for elite members where he deals out the straight dope and the crap front site to shoo off the hoi palloi.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:10 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


the wisdom of the crowd is honestly a much better judge of quality than any elite tastemaster could ever hope to be

Your evidence for this is....?

The wisdom of the crowd more often produces Olive Gardens than Le Bernardins. You might be in favor of that or against that, but I really contest the idea that common approbriation defines exceptionality.

I mean, my one objection to the idea of the site is that things which are truly exceptional and amazing are often not even known or talked about among the classes who can't afford them. They're just not a Thing, because one of the kinds of capital the elite has is knowledge capital, and it doesn't need to be shared.
posted by Miko at 7:11 PM on February 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yeah, Budweiser is not technically bad. It's bland, but I'm sure the flavor is finely tuned to be bland in exactly the way that it is and it's impressive that anywhere in the world where you can order a Budweiser it always tastes exactly the same That's an impressive feat, day after day, year after year, over multiple continents, with a product that requires fermentation rather than just mixing natural flavors (cooked in a high tech meth lab), sugar, and water.

I'm partial to Zywiec myself, which is pretty close to Budweiser with just a hint of Polish (I'm unclear if its the taste of a man or woman).
posted by PJLandis at 11:21 PM on February 16, 2012


For some reason, I am reminded of this.
posted by Snyder at 11:56 PM on February 16, 2012


Hey, look, he's re-invented the early days of Yahoo!, but now with 100% more clueless, entitled douchebaggery!
posted by kcds at 5:19 AM on February 17, 2012


I used this very formulation to describe the Denby teapot which I bought my uncle last Christmas - "this is the Rolls-Royce of teapots, you know". Because they are.

Hence my disappointment upon not finding Denby teapots listed in the Tea section.

This is not the Rolls-Royce of lists of Rolls-Royces of things.
posted by illongruci at 6:44 AM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


I don't know, man. Maybe we plebes just aren't getting it. Like when he says "Budweiser" it's not so much about the product you end up drinking but the chain of events ordering one happens. Like if you show up at any bar in the world and you look like a man of a certain taste and class, you just silently slide a single plain jet black card, that to the naked eye simply looks like a piece of black cardboard, but is in fact rare vellum stiffened with wax made from the beeswax of a master hive on a sacred Hyperborean island, dyed with squid ink milked from pure white squids that have been raised and massaged daily by unblemished virgin maidens.

You slide that card slowly across the bar and you look at the bartender knowingly as you ask for a Budweiser. The bartender's eyes barely register the card, minus a slight flutter of the lids as his gaze flits across it. You can tell. He is at once stoic about his responsibilities in the transaction that will now take place, but you also sense a hint of excitement. A small shudder, since he'd only heard this from his predecessors, and they too from theirs, about a once in a lifetime chance that all bartenders have to facilitate what is the greatest of mysteries.

The sweating bottle of Budweiser is placed in front of you. You take a couple of sips to satisfy any prying eyes, but then wipe your hand on your bedazzled jeans. These jeans, as laughable as they are to the common man, are key in your survival, for their many reflective surfaces will confuse the many eyes of the Dusk Spiders in the Cave of Eternal Gl...but I've already said too much.

You carefully peel away the label on the bottle, revealing to you coordinates and a set of instructions. You softly smile. It's been almost a decade since your last Great Hunt. You throw down the amount of money for your bottle, but then hesitate. You reach back into your pocket and pull out a single shining gem. No natural gem that can be found by normal means, it is the preserved eye of a Dusk Spider. They are collected and preserved, with the belief that one may rub upon the round hard orb the size and color of a large milky marble, so that for a split second they will see what the spiders see.

It's something for the bartender. Something for him to remember this evening by. He'll never know the true nature of the role he played this evening, but will remember you when he tells the next bartender he trains. He may even pull out the milky orb as proof. For years, the sights that the orb show him will haunt and confuse him. At times, bloody and horrifying, as you see the last moments of another hunter's life from the perspective of a spider. At other times, beautiful, when the Cave is silent and all are asleep save for the Dusk Spiders who sway and weave their complex webs to the haunting melody of The Blind Empress who lives deep within those caves that lit by the bright twinkling lights of mica and crystals. The spiders are just one part of the Great Hunt, and his story will be one of many fragments surrounding it.
posted by kkokkodalk at 11:48 AM on February 17, 2012 [3 favorites]


Wow.
posted by double block and bleed at 3:31 PM on February 17, 2012


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