The one think I can't stand is moisture.

September 2, 2010 6:26 AM

Would you buy a pepsi blue pantyliner from this man? How about if he takes off his shirt?

That was Brad, your sexy shirtless cookbook author, who is cooking up a special meal just for you. There's also hunky Trevor, who is vacuuming when you arrive, and laughs about how his mom makes him display his dozens of medical degrees before taking off his shirt. And there's Ryan, who takes a break from making toys for underprivileged kids and finding homes for kittens to, you guessed it, take his shirt off for you.

With the camera nodding in agreement (and taking plenty of opportunities to check out their shaved abs), each caricature of idealized maleness earnestly makes plenty of eye contact while demonstrating the pads' absorbency. (SFW as long as your work doesn't mind cheezy beefcake earnestness. Via Salon & Fleshbot)

posted by Forktine (172 comments total)

What hath Old Spice Guy wrought?
posted by SPUTNIK at 6:34 AM on September 2, 2010 [9 favorites]

Brad needs new placemats.
posted by fish tick at 6:34 AM on September 2, 2010

Womankind, I'm going to be real fucking disappointed if this shit works on you.
posted by nanojath at 6:37 AM on September 2, 2010 [16 favorites]

what
posted by jquinby at 6:37 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

No, for some reason I find his whole shtick repelling, not attractive, and kind of creepy. I would not want to date someone so in love with himself.
posted by Danila at 6:39 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Old Spice Guy: I'm on a rag.
posted by zippy at 6:40 AM on September 2, 2010 [11 favorites]

I yelled out "Oh, God!" at 1:28, but not in the way they meant me to, I think.

Ew. Ew. Ew ew ew. (That's not for the pads, but for the smarm.)
posted by maudlin at 6:41 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Uhhh, I think it's SUPPOSED to be over the top. Jesus, people.
posted by spicynuts at 6:43 AM on September 2, 2010 [9 favorites]

Horrible.
posted by Shfishp at 6:43 AM on September 2, 2010

Trevor and Brad share the same woodsy house, no? One cooks, one cleans.
posted by Scram at 6:43 AM on September 2, 2010 [10 favorites]

I THINK it's supposed to be over the top tongue in cheek, but it's maddeningly hard to tell.
It's it's own uncanny valley.
posted by SPUTNIK at 6:45 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oh look, no creepy dudes!
posted by phunniemee at 6:45 AM on September 2, 2010 [4 favorites]

but it's maddeningly hard to tell.

Honestly? REALLY? He says 'fiddlesticks' for fuck's sake. You've got to be kidding me.
posted by spicynuts at 6:47 AM on September 2, 2010 [9 favorites]

It's interesting that after decades of ads like this targeted at men, suddenly everyone wants to talk about how funny and creepy sexualized ads targeted at women are.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:49 AM on September 2, 2010 [23 favorites]

I would like to see a parody of this featuring either a fake Steve Jobs or Billy Mays.

HI I'M BILLY MAYS FROM INSIDE YOUR PANTIES!
posted by zippy at 6:50 AM on September 2, 2010 [13 favorites]

Settle down people. The important thing is, they got people talking about the critical issue of pantyliners.
posted by DU at 6:50 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

spicynuts, of course it's supposed to be over the top, but that doesn't mean that it's a funny or effective ad in any way. There's knowing, witty Over The Top, like the Old Spice Guy who charms us for 15 to 30 seconds in order to sell stuff, then GOES AWAY, and there's pandering, clumsy, and way too goddamn long pieces of FAIL like these ads.

There just might have been a way to make a very short ad that used some of these ideas, even though it would probably still have looked derivative, but some marketing and advertising people way too in love with their own ideas and these models' abs just uploaded three ads that aren't going to work even on their target market, let alone a broader array of people.
posted by maudlin at 6:51 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Honestly? REALLY? He says 'fiddlesticks' for fuck's sake.

It's a common epithet. Useful for when you hit your thumb with a hammer.
posted by SPUTNIK at 6:53 AM on September 2, 2010

I'm always happy when I come home to dinner, but why does my new chef boyfriend keep talking about pads? It that his thing? Is it supposed to be mine? It's like porn for some super specific fetish that I'm just not into.
posted by mmmbacon at 6:55 AM on September 2, 2010 [6 favorites]

Womankind, I'm going to be real fucking disappointed if this shit works on you.

Womankind would have to fall for this for decades before they caught up to all the things men have done because boobies told us to.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:56 AM on September 2, 2010 [32 favorites]

I don't have any idea what Ryan was selling - I just wanted him to put his glasses back ON.
posted by HopperFan at 6:58 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's interesting that after decades of ads like this targeted at men, suddenly everyone wants to talk about how funny and creepy sexualized ads targeted at women are.

I think that these ads show how the advertising world has a lot more decades of experience targeting (heterosexual) men with sexualized ads, so their version of the ads for women feel really ham-handed. It was like someone said, hey, we sell beer to men with idealized babes, so women must want the same caricatures, right?
posted by Forktine at 6:58 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

This sort of ad is so repellant that I would not buy the advertised products. I understand there is no escape from advertsing, but it could be cool like the Heek Squad ads. Instead we get those. Another thing, Dos Equis's 'most Interesting Man in the World', hej haven't I seen that face on a wanted poster for war criminals?
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 6:58 AM on September 2, 2010

Aw, c'mon, it may not actually be funny but it's certainly supposed to be. "Organic Romantic"? The biggest problem (aside from the fact that the men look like women to me, but I'm Of Another Time) is the panty-liner thing doesn't get teed up properly, or funnily.
posted by thinkpiece at 6:59 AM on September 2, 2010

I cannot even imagine how many takes I would need to read that copy, shirtless, without busting out laughing.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:59 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

I don't like moisture, Padme. It's irrigating and it gets everywhere.
posted by kid ichorous at 6:59 AM on September 2, 2010 [11 favorites]

Yeah... this was cringe-inducing and severely activating the "quick, close the browser window while you still have the ability to forget you ever, ever, EVER saw this" portion of my brain before there was any mention of (jesus christ I can't believe I am typing this) pantyliners.
posted by mothershock at 7:00 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

*Geek Squad ads.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 7:00 AM on September 2, 2010

I was annoyed right from the part where he announced he was making risotto in that giant pot. Risotto is made in shallow pans, so it can be easily stirred.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:00 AM on September 2, 2010 [18 favorites]

i sat through two and a half minutes of that and he didnt even whip it out
posted by Greg Nog at 7:01 AM on September 2, 2010 [18 favorites]

I was annoyed right from the part where he announced he was making risotto in that giant pot.

Oh god, that was actually my first thought, too. "Who makes risotto in a gigantic pot?" I feel slightly less bad about myself now.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:02 AM on September 2, 2010

That Stayfree regular ultrathin pad with wings was thinner than a plain crepe, while the Kotex regular ultrathin pad with wings was fatter than a cheese blintz. I'm sold!
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 7:02 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

what
posted by sciurus at 7:03 AM on September 2, 2010

I think part of the problem with this as well is why the hell do you need men to sell pantyliners? In the Old Spice ads it's a guy talking about something for guys and, while it might be targeted at women, I understand why it's a guy talking about a product he uses. Why would I possibly care what a man thinks about any item having to do with menstruation? It's great that men are comfortable talking about this issue or whatever, but I really don't care what they think. That's the part I find most ludicrous, is the idea that I would need a man to help me figure out what to do with my vagina.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:07 AM on September 2, 2010 [16 favorites]

How is "fiddlesticks" supposed to be sexy, exactly? Isn't that the kind of thing Ned Flanders would say?
posted by naju at 7:08 AM on September 2, 2010

Wake me when we get to Schmidt's Gay
posted by The Whelk at 7:08 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also, Trevor seems has a weird splotchy stain on the back of his pants, which is kind of a terrible oversight given that they're advertising pads. Not, I suppose, that Trevor is supposed to be assumed to be wearing one, but dude, if you're making a feminine hygiene product ad, your pitch man should not appear to have had a monthly sort of accident.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:09 AM on September 2, 2010 [5 favorites]

"Thinner than a butterfly's wing!"--So?

And coupons only redeemable in CANADA? Sorry. I'll just bleed. I hear that's what women do.
posted by emhutchinson at 7:10 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Eww, ick. I know it's supposed to be over-the-top, but he's SO in love with himself that he just annoyed me and I found myself looking for the exit when he wanted to show me something, sure he was going to lock me down in the basement and read his book to me while he forced me to eat risotto.

Also, women don't associate pantyliners with sexiness. They're just something we use out of expediency for a biological imperative, like, I don't know, putting on sunblock, bandaging a cut, etc. Unless you have a some kind of feminine hygiene fetish, you don't want sexy sex I love sex as if it were my profession interspersed with your pantyliner commercials. You just want convenience and efficiency so you can get on with your life.
posted by misha at 7:10 AM on September 2, 2010 [5 favorites]

Well, I was greatly entertained, and I wouldn't kick any of these guys out of my house. (although after the first video, I skipped over the actual pad portions.)
posted by serena15221 at 7:10 AM on September 2, 2010

Absolutely hilarious!
posted by kthanksbai at 7:10 AM on September 2, 2010

(Or is it that a guy who uses "fiddlesticks" would make an ideal father to my future child? Genuinely curious)
posted by naju at 7:11 AM on September 2, 2010

What I learned from this ad is that menstruating women don't use steadicams.
posted by Nelson at 7:13 AM on September 2, 2010 [5 favorites]

It's a common epithet.

Fiddlesticks!
posted by Dr Dracator at 7:13 AM on September 2, 2010

I think the problem, for me, is that, once you get to the "punchline," it starts to feel like you're accidentally on a date with Buffalo Bill, and you're just going to wind up putting the lotion in the basket and/or getting the hose.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:13 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

Trevor seems has a weird splotchy stain on the back of his pants

They're Levi's! Geez, now I'm worried that everyone who sees me in my pants is going to think I sat in something.
posted by phunniemee at 7:15 AM on September 2, 2010

Why is he making a reduction for tenderloin to go with risotto?

Clearly, I am not this commercial's target demographic as I'm not buyin' anything for my lady parts that's being sold to me by a shirtless *man.* I'm funny that way. Now, if you want to get some shirtless ladies on the screen...

Oh wait. That would destroy the relentless heteronormativity perpetuated by the consumer industrial machine. OH DARN.
posted by sonika at 7:15 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

I don't have any idea what Ryan was selling - I just wanted him to put his glasses back ON.

No, no, no. Glasses off.

These ads are basically more homoerotic than anything else. Just like a surprising number of "real" TV ads these days.
posted by blucevalo at 7:18 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well, Brad can always use the pantyliner to dress the head wound he's going to get if he keeps saying "ricotta" like that.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:19 AM on September 2, 2010 [10 favorites]

Fucksticks.
posted by pracowity at 7:19 AM on September 2, 2010 [4 favorites]

Also, idealized maleness is apparently white?
posted by naju at 7:23 AM on September 2, 2010

Fiddlefuck

step away from the banjo
posted by The Whelk at 7:24 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Brad, 20 years from now (slightly NSFW)
posted by stormpooper at 7:25 AM on September 2, 2010

Womankind would have to fall for this for decades before they caught up to all the things men have done because boobies told us to.

Speak fo yo damn self.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:27 AM on September 2, 2010

H E double-fucksticks
posted by zippy at 7:27 AM on September 2, 2010 [4 favorites]

And what's with putting the risotto spoon RIGHT ON THE COUNTER instead of on a spoon rest?
posted by Gator at 7:28 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

The biggest problem (aside from the fact that the men look like women to me, but I'm Of Another Time) is the panty-liner thing doesn't get teed up properly, or funnily.

This is spot on. We think we're being led to the table for wine and perhaps a delicious appetizer, only to be greeted with sanitary products. It's a bait and switch gone awry, which is why this veers away from Old Spice Guy turf into creepy Christopher Walken as The Continental on SNL territory.

Let's sum up what we've learned today on MeFi: Comedy Pro Tip - Always tee up your pantyliners properly.
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:31 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

The fact that Google's recommended videos for these ads include "Fred (previously) goes on a date with Judy", a Lady Gaga video, "Guy With No Shirt on at Walmart", a Justin Bieber video, , and Eminem's "Love the Way You Lie" featuring Rihanna is incredibly telling.

mmmbacon:
I'm always happy when I come home to dinner, but why does my new chef boyfriend keep talking about pads? It that his thing? Is it supposed to be mine? It's like porn for some super specific fetish that I'm just not into.

That vibe was helpful to them in someways because Trevor started out talking vacuuming in hard to reach places, I did keep watching through the rest of the ad to ensure this didn't come up again when it got to discussing the product.

naju: How is "fiddlesticks" supposed to be sexy, exactly? Isn't that the kind of thing Ned Flanders would say?
On this point, I'll remind you there's a reason why "stupid sexy Flanders" has value* as a saying.

uncleozzy: I was annoyed right from the part where he announced he was making risotto in that giant pot.
Oh god, that was actually my first thought, too. "Who makes risotto in a gigantic pot?" I feel slightly less bad about myself now.

You also aren't alone in that. Though I'd be interested in his secret of doing this well; since my risotto is so awesome as leftovers, if


* It's probably a good thing we don't have the IMG tag anymore or I would try to put this in every thread I possibly could.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:36 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

And what's with putting the risotto spoon RIGHT ON THE COUNTER instead of on a spoon rest?

I hate spoon rests. Just another dish to wash. The counter's gonna get wiped anyway. Might as well have a little extra on it.
posted by sciurus at 7:37 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

No, no, no. Glasses off.

Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh... wait, wait. Let down your hair. No: glasses on, hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:40 AM on September 2, 2010 [12 favorites]

Also, Trevor seems has a weird splotchy stain on the back of his pants, which is kind of a terrible oversight given that they're advertising pads.

This was the equivalent to the vertical sauce stain on Brad's shirt. "Subtle" red marks on clothing in pantyliner ads are not oversights.

I think these ads are terrible for a lot of reasons, but the acting is pretty bad across the board (though the last one was the most amusing).

Funny that the guy with multiple degrees says, "Look how wet this ones are!?" Guess they didn't want to do another take.
posted by dobbs at 7:41 AM on September 2, 2010

"No, no, no. Glasses off."

No, no, no - I'm a girl who likes guys in glasses, so the first 3 seconds of Ryan's ad are great.
posted by HopperFan at 7:42 AM on September 2, 2010

Also the sound and lighting are lame and its mother dresses it funny.
posted by The Whelk at 7:44 AM on September 2, 2010

(Or is it that a guy who uses "fiddlesticks" would make an ideal father to my future child? Genuinely curious)--naju

If the commercial has you thinking about making babies with him, then it must be working assuming you somehow, deep in your subconscious, associate this with pantyliners. As was mentioned, this might be too weird an association to make. The standard ads making associations like this are selling beer.

I wonder what type of product that these ads would be more effective with. Maybe some wine company should be giving this advertising agency a call.
posted by eye of newt at 7:44 AM on September 2, 2010

Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door.
posted by HopperFan at 7:44 AM on September 2, 2010

You know what this reminds me off? That Porn for Women book where porn is men doing domestic tasks like hovering or doing the dishes. And here again it's incredibly patronising. "Here womenfolk, here is your perfect man! He enjoys hovering, doing laundry, cooking! That's all you want right?!"

Yeah ads for men can be just as patronising but at least they're not neutered like these ads. Why the hell does Western society have such a problem with woman having anything close to aggressive/active sexuality? Even in these 'sexy male' ads, women are meant to stand back and ogle. Same ad for men would have had the man saving hot chick #06 from flood with tampon (or something). Yes I know it's a joke-y ad, but it's just not very funny.
posted by litleozy at 7:44 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Dear authors of Porn For Women
posted by The Whelk at 7:47 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think it's masquerade ball gala night at the megalomart.
posted by at the crossroads at 7:48 AM on September 2, 2010

And here again it's incredibly patronising. "Here womenfolk, here is your perfect man! He enjoys hovering

patronizing or not, I would probably drop trou for a guy that hovered
posted by Greg Nog at 7:48 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

and when I hover
well you know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's hovering to you
posted by Greg Nog at 7:49 AM on September 2, 2010 [4 favorites]

I would hover 5 feet off the ground to be that man that hovers over you.
posted by The Whelk at 7:50 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

That's the part I find most ludicrous, is the idea that I would need a man to help me figure out what to do with my vagina.

If that's not the best softball lob of a set up, I'm not a boy with a fez fetish.

and I apologize because I don't even know you and I hope this comment is not too boyzone/offensive
posted by Fezboy! at 7:51 AM on September 2, 2010

I'm shocked, shocked to learn that the advertising industry doesn't respect women.
posted by theora55 at 7:59 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

spicynuts: Honestly? REALLY? He says 'fiddlesticks' for fuck's sake.

SPUTNIK: It's a common epithet. Useful for when you hit your thumb with a hammer.

Next time I hit my thumb with a hammer I am definitely going to shout: "OH FIDDLESTICKS FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"
posted by The Bellman at 7:59 AM on September 2, 2010 [9 favorites]

And here again it's incredibly patronising.

Both of them are supposed to be incredibly patronizing. It's supposed to be satirical but I think it's just too soon, so it comes off all Poe-ish.
posted by muddgirl at 7:59 AM on September 2, 2010

GODDAMMIT YOUR RIGHT PEOPLE I DEMAND BETTER VERISIMILITUDE IN THE PANTOMIME COOKING IN MY VIRAL FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCT YOUTUBE CLIPS WHERE THE FUCK DO THEY GET OFF WITH THAT PAN AND TENDERLOIN WITH RISOTTO YOU CAN'T LEAVE IT WHILE YOU EXPLAIN ABOUT THE THINNESS IT'S GOT TO BE STIRRED CONSTANTLY, IT'S ALL LIES!!!!

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!1
posted by gompa at 7:59 AM on September 2, 2010 [9 favorites]

The part I find most ludicrous is the idea that I need a woman who doesn't need a man to help her figure out what to do with her vagina to help me figure out what to do with my penis.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:02 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

That's the part I find most ludicrous, is the idea that I would need a man to help me figure out what to do with my vagina.

If that's not the best softball lob of a set up, I'm not a boy with a fez fetish.

and I apologize because I don't even know you and I hope this comment is not too boyzone/offensive

Well, I appreciate male input (pun! Not initially intentional but I'm keeping it because I have a sneaking fondness for the vulgar) on this issue, although I am pretty clear on the fact that I can make my own decisions on this matter (or enlist the aid of another woman, be she friend/partner/medical professional/whatever). I'm a woman happily married to a wonderful and amazing man so I have been known to look to him for guidance in specific cases, but I managed just fine before we met and there are plenty of women who will be perfectly happy never speaking with a man on the issue.

Jesus fucking Christ when I woke up I definitely did not foresee this being "Talk about my vagina on the internet" day. Usually that's a Tuesday.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:07 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

This kind of stuff is why I think advertising is so stupid. I know a lot of people LOVE advertising and think it's an art, but this was just insulting. I love the Old Spice guy, but I can bet he happened by accident and that the success of him wasn't pre-planned. Also, there's a je ne said quoi to his schtick, but this guy in the Stayfree ad is ridiculous.

Why can't advertising people get anything right? Do they even use market research or care about what women think? Are the women working at these places even helping to bring authenticity to the table in terms of concepts? "Oh, I'd love a beefcake who cooks me dinner and is rich!" vs. "I want someone who truly deeply loves me even when I'm hemorrhaging, smell like iron, and crying at Hallmark commercials."

Or are they doing some "men usually respond to boobs, blondes and blowjobs, and the female equivalent is beefcakey, rich guy cooking dinner for them" shorthand? It's really lazy. And insulting. And I have a sneaking suspicion that there are women on the creative team who supported this idea and aren't really interested in furthering the portrayal of women on television.
posted by anniecat at 8:07 AM on September 2, 2010

Do they even use market research or care about what women think?

Scarier idea - they have pages and pages of studies that find patronizing works.
posted by The Whelk at 8:10 AM on September 2, 2010 [5 favorites]

His facial features are too small and eyebrows too hairy and face is too hairy. And I get this sense he was breastfed until he was 11. It's in his eyes. He's so gross. So I have a problem with the person who casted this crap too.
posted by anniecat at 8:14 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's interesting that after decades of ads like this targeted at men, suddenly everyone wants to talk about how funny and creepy sexualized ads targeted at women are.

No shit. What's up with like the massive shame culture all of a sudden? How about those goddamned Miller Light ads where the hot woman just crucifies the guy for not buying Miller Light for the "taste?"

Or the stupid beer ad where some dude is doing sit ups because he has to drink michelob ultra or whatever it is instead of MGD 64? The poor dude is just lambasted by his so-called friends.

That was Brad, your sexy shirtless cookbook author, who is cooking up a special meal just for you. There's also hunky Trevor , who is vacuuming when you arrive, and laughs about how his mom makes him display his dozens of medical degrees before taking off his shirt. And there's Ryan , who takes a break from making toys for underprivileged kids and finding homes for kittens to, you guessed it, take his shirt off for you.

I guess this is the male equivalent of a lot of skinny perfect women walking around in ads and creating huge body image issues for half the female populace. I guess I'm really learning first hand what the whole thing that the feminists have complained about for years. I always understood it intellectually, but goddamn, they do not let up.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:19 AM on September 2, 2010

He put ... sanitary pads ... on the dinner table.

Who cares where he put the spoon or how deep the risotto pan is?!
posted by chavenet at 8:19 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

I seriously cannot believe this ad, which was intended to provoke exactly the reaction it has provoked, is still posted here.

What a bunch of suckers.
posted by DU at 8:20 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

And what's with putting the risotto spoon RIGHT ON THE COUNTER instead of on a spoon rest?

You can have medical degrees, a hot bod and work with orphan's, but you ain't perfect unless you use a spoon rest.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:21 AM on September 2, 2010

I seriously cannot believe this ad, which was intended to provoke exactly the reaction it has provoked, is still posted here.

What a bunch of suckers.

Two monks were returning to the monastery in the evening. It had rained and there were puddles of water on the road sides. At one place a beautiful young woman was standing unable to walk accross because of a puddle of water. The elder of the two monks went up to a her lifted her in his alms and left her on the other side of the road, and continued his way to the monastery.
In the evening the younger monk came to the elder monk and said, "Sir, as monks, we cannot touch a woman ?"
The elder monk answered "yes, brother".
Then the younger monk asks again, " but then Sir, how is that you lifted that woman on the roadside ?"
The elder monk smiled at him and told him " I left her on the other side of the road, but why are you are still carrying her ?"

posted by Ironmouth at 8:23 AM on September 2, 2010 [10 favorites]

Fiddlefuck

Fucksocks.
posted by quin at 8:24 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

And then the elder monk whipped out a sanitary pad and laid it in the puddle. It soaked up all the water and women could cross forever more.
posted by Nelson at 8:24 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

Jesus fucking Christ when I woke up I definitely did not foresee this being "Talk about my vagina on the internet" day. Usually that's a Tuesday.

See you next Tuesday!
posted by hermitosis at 8:24 AM on September 2, 2010 [9 favorites]

Also, women don't associate pantyliners with sexiness. They're just something we use out of expediency for a biological imperative, like, I don't know, putting on sunblock, bandaging a cut, etc. Unless you have a some kind of feminine hygiene fetish, you don't want sexy sex I love sex as if it were my profession interspersed with your pantyliner commercials. You just want convenience and efficiency so you can get on with your life.

Wish I could favourite this many more times, because it is so true. Perhaps this is the 'soft' edge of the sexulisation of our culture (or at least advertisings sexulisation of everything) - 'sex sells, so we need to use sexy guys to sell pantyliners to women'.

These ads were really, really bad for all the reasons mentioned here. To me they felt like a spoof you would use at a conference to show how not to advertise something.
posted by Megami at 8:25 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

The first ad should have turned into Christopher Walken's The Continental.
posted by zippy at 8:26 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Scarier idea - they have pages and pages of studies that find patronizing works.

Like that episode of Mad Men with Pond's where they tried to make a commercial about having a beauty ritual and it turns out that all the women really did want their cold cream to find them a husband!
posted by sonika at 8:26 AM on September 2, 2010

I like how they say 'click the link' and then didn't bother to make the link clickable.
posted by graventy at 8:27 AM on September 2, 2010

Women in beer commercials have gone from eye candy to the enemy.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 8:28 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

The elder monk smiled at him and told him " I left her on the other side of the road, but why are you are still carrying her ?"

Oh, I didn't realize this was the last viral ad post we'd have on MeFi. Carry on then.
posted by DU at 8:30 AM on September 2, 2010

Oh, I didn't realize this was the last viral ad post we'd have on MeFi. Carry on then.

Just saying that maybe we weren't the only people who were suckered in by the ad . . .
posted by Ironmouth at 8:31 AM on September 2, 2010

Preaching to the choir, I know, but - sunflower and rosemary risotto? What, that's all that was left in the pantry? You wouldn't think I'd say this after watching this ad, but... NEEDS MORE CHEESE.
posted by maryr at 8:32 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Here, this is better.
posted by jquinby at 8:34 AM on September 2, 2010

I guess I'm just goofy or easy to get at, but the first of these made me laugh out loud. Admittedly I think it had a lot more to do with the fact it was making such merciless fun of a certain insufferable sort of foodie, and I enjoy that, because my heart is shriveled and dark like an oil-cured olive. Also Brad's voice is weirdly hypnotic, but not in a sexy way, more a "you are lulling me to sleep and that's kind of annoying/creepy." Combined with the facial hair it just worked. Also I have to admit the kitchen set, the impractical corner window forest view and sinks without a lip, got me going way more than any shirtless guy. And the open silliness of the practical non-transition to pantyliner talk as a gentle riff on how trying to talk about it while women are sitting having coffee in a sunny white kitchen or whatever, the common tropes, is goofy and yet we all expect it, well I kinda liked it.

Before clicking I figured it'd be just like those "porn for women" jokebooks from a year or two ago, you know, at walk-in bookstores displayed where disposable books about cats dressed up weird would be. Just pics of buff shirtless men vacuuming and shit. And how that didn't do a thing for me at all, so I didn't think this would either. But I was pleasantly surprised. It knows how ridiculous it is, I think, and that it's kind of failing, or rather that its viewers assume it's failing, while maybe also subtly sort of not (despite the laugh)? Huh.
posted by ifjuly at 8:35 AM on September 2, 2010

No, this.
posted by jquinby at 8:36 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is spot on.

So to speak.
posted by norm at 8:37 AM on September 2, 2010

Also, women don't associate pantyliners with sexiness.

...yet. Already, thanks to advertising, I associate the following with sexiness:

• Beer
• Coffee
• Fast food hamburgers
• Widescreen televisions
• Microwave dinners
• Automotive transport
• Consumer electronics
• Soft drinks
• Condominiums
• The act of watching television
• Small cellular telephones
• Sunglasses
• Milk
• Thumb drives
• Vegetarianism
• Vodka
• Recreational gambling
• Deodorant
• Vacuum cleaners
• Toilet paper
• Video game systems

posted by shakespeherian at 8:38 AM on September 2, 2010

Unless you have a some kind of feminine hygiene fetish, you don't want sexy sex I love sex as if it were my profession interspersed with your pantyliner commercials.

Next up, Brad, Trevor and Ryan squeeze your Charmin!

Focus groups show that sexy sex is what you want to be thinking of when you wipe.
posted by bonehead at 8:38 AM on September 2, 2010

What's up with like the massive shame culture all of a sudden? How about those goddamned Miller Light ads where the hot woman just crucifies the guy for not buying Miller Light for the "taste?"

For every one ad where there's a man being made to look like a buffoon, there are still four or five ads where a woman is being made to look like an imbecile, a slut, a sleaze, or otherwise a passive object, unless, of course, she's being rendered as a man-hater, a tease, a virago, a shrill harpy, a henpecker, a golddigger, or otherwise an emasculator.

Especially prevalent in those beer ads.

Still quite a bit of catch-up left to happen.
posted by blucevalo at 8:39 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm not a menstruator, but I prefer this ad.

Also, wtf is up with Brad's hair? Why do people do their hair like that? Did Spaniel's asses become really trendy while I wasn't looking or something?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:40 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

WHO PUTS THEIR DIRTY SHIRT IN THE SINK?
posted by desjardins at 8:40 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Ok, and then that part where Trevor tells me if he could go through my period each month for me he would...yeah, more laughing. I also love how silly the set up is--the way the liquid is in cups glued to one platform so he just flips it like so, and the random weights. Hilarious.
posted by ifjuly at 8:40 AM on September 2, 2010

For every one ad where there's a man being made to look like a buffoon, there are still four or five ads where a woman is being made to look like an imbecile, a slut, a sleaze, or otherwise a passive object, unless, of course, she's being rendered as a man-hater, a tease, a virago, a shrill harpy, a henpecker, a golddigger, or otherwise an emasculator.

Exactly. What's crazy is that for all of these ads, what is not being sold is sex at all. Its shame. They are making you ashamed so that you will run out and buy their product.

Its like the entire culture has gotten way more negative in the last 20 years.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:41 AM on September 2, 2010 [5 favorites]

anniecat: "... aren't really interested in furthering the portrayal of women on television."

Of course they're not. This is advertising; they're interested in moving product, no more, no less. As much as I find media's depiction of gender and gender relations in general to be pretty abysmal, I have to find this particular series of ads more creepy than objectionable.
posted by Xoder at 8:42 AM on September 2, 2010

Still quite a bit of catch-up left to happen.

I don't get this sentiment. Because of one bad thing, we can excuse another to balance it. If they're both bad, why allow either? There are no Scales of Great Justice to be balanced here, just badness to be minimized. The world is not a zero sum game; tit-for-tat doesn't help.
posted by bonehead at 8:42 AM on September 2, 2010

Also, I have a feeling they sort of know how funny it is for a man who's trying to be sexy to women to so vehemently talk about how much they HATE MOISTURE !!
posted by ifjuly at 8:42 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think part of the problem with this as well is why the hell do you need men to sell pantyliners?

The problem with your argument is that you don't understand the abyss that is the activated male libido. For women, beefy guys are part of the running narrative of their lives. The guy certainly gets your attention, but it is very much something that is part of the world. You notice the things he is saying, what he's wearing, everything around him. You see him as part of reality.

For men, once the sex drive is activated, it's like we're time-travelling. Once we see an attractive woman looking at us, even through a TV screen or photograph, the rest of the world is simply suspended. Time stops. It's like a blackout when your are drunk, except the women is the only thing that doesn't blackout. And you literally perceive her differently than everything else. That women appears to us as part of a color space that is normally unused. Her lipstick is some impossible out-of-gamut red, her voice is the the resonant frequency of our subconscious. It bypasses whatever intellectual perceptual apparatus we've develop to experience the world, and instead gets sent straight to our visual cortex and subconscious unfiltered.

You think it's absurd for men to sell pantyliners because its something that's strictly purchased for utility, like a band aid? It's absurd to assume men would realize this absurdity.

Let me tell you something: I could move billions of band-aids with a commercial that showed Christina Hendricks in a tight fitting red dress wearing bright red lipstick, batting her eyelashes into the camera and purring, "Oh, poor boy has a boo-boo, let me kiss that for you *kiss!* . There, all better."

With that commercial, I could be the Pablo Escobar of band-aids.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:43 AM on September 2, 2010 [6 favorites]

Metafilter: rendered as a man-hater, a tease, a virago, a shrill harpy, a henpecker, a golddigger, or otherwise an emasculator.
posted by jquinby at 8:45 AM on September 2, 2010

Pastabagel, I don't know what is more worrying - your assumption all men are like that, or the assumption that only men work in advertising.
posted by Megami at 8:47 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

For men, once the sex drive is activated, it's like we're time-travelling. Once we see an attractive woman looking at us, even through a TV screen or photograph, the rest of the world is simply suspended. Time stops. It's like a blackout when your are drunk, except the women is the only thing that doesn't blackout. And you literally perceive her differently than everything else. That women appears to us as part of a color space that is normally unused. Her lipstick is some impossible out-of-gamut red, her voice is the the resonant frequency of our subconscious. It bypasses whatever intellectual perceptual apparatus we've develop to experience the world, and instead gets sent straight to our visual cortex and subconscious unfiltered.

If this time-travelling and time stopping and being part of a color space that is normally unused, does that make me gay?

Because when I see an attractive looking woman looking at me, I think "she's attractive." I also feel like I want to look at her more.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:48 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

For women, beefy guys are part of the running narrative of their lives. The guy certainly gets your attention, but it is very much something that is part of the world. You notice the things he is saying, what he's wearing, everything around him. You see him as part of reality.

huh? How would you know this?
posted by Ironmouth at 8:50 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I don't know, Christina Hendricks is pretty awesome. And I really like buying bandaids. Oooh, Mad Men bandaids! Or Pin-Up Girl Bandaids! Those would be awesome with my Wolverine/Thor/The Hulk bandaids!
posted by maryr at 8:50 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

He put ... sanitary pads ... on the dinner table.

Oh my god, there are sanitary pads on my dinner table!!!

That's kind of where groceries go before they get put away. Maybe he's just untidy.

I could move billions of band-aids with a commercial that showed Christina Hendricks in a tight fitting red dress wearing bright red lipstick, batting her eyelashes into the camera and purring, "Oh, poor boy has a boo-boo, let me kiss that for you *kiss!* . There, all better."

Ah, but if everything blacks out except for the woman, you wouldn't remember which brand to buy.

Again, I don't think the marketers really believe that women will be turned on to these beefcakes - we simply haven't been trained to respond the way that men have, Pavlov-like, been trained to drool any time they see a woman with a stylist. They bet that it would get people talking - it clearly has.
posted by muddgirl at 8:51 AM on September 2, 2010

For men, once the sex drive is activated, it's like we're time-travelling. Once we see an attractive woman looking at us, even through a TV screen or photograph, the rest of the world is simply suspended. Time stops. It's like a blackout when your are drunk, except the women is the only thing that doesn't blackout. And you literally perceive her differently than everything else. That women appears to us as part of a color space that is normally unused. Her lipstick is some impossible out-of-gamut red, her voice is the the resonant frequency of our subconscious. It bypasses whatever intellectual perceptual apparatus we've develop to experience the world, and instead gets sent straight to our visual cortex and subconscious unfiltered.

If this time-travelling and time stopping and being part of a color space that is normally unused, does that make me gay?

I meant to say that if I don't experience time-travelling, time stopping, being part of color space that is normally unused when I look at a woman does that make me gay?

Lot of mind reading and projection going on there.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:51 AM on September 2, 2010

Like that episode of Mad Men with Pond's where they tried to make a commercial about having a beauty ritual and it turns out that all the women really did want their cold cream to find them a husband!

Not to derail this conversation, as all things on Metafilter do, into a Mad Man-shaped ditch, but there where some good points about the advertising in that episode. Focus-Group psychological testing was becoming big right around that time - but Don's point, that you can't ask people what they want cause they don't know what they want, is a pretty big one in ad circles. Focus groups self-report and hold back and are culturally conditioned. A "nice" girl would never admit she didn't want a husband, not to a stranger, and people lie like crazy on those things anyway - it's like asking someone how often they go to Church.

This gets really muddy in practice however because focus-grouped ads *can* work, because there mere fact that you're advertising something will make it sell better. Also, ads that look really obvious and stupid, the ads that don't win awards? They tend to move a lot of product. Seriously.
posted by The Whelk at 8:54 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

"Look at all that messy liquid!"--Did I hear properly? Excuse me "Trevor," but I'd be much more worried that something BLUE might come out of me. Ever.
posted by emhutchinson at 8:55 AM on September 2, 2010

I take it you've never had one too many Blue Hawaiians.
posted by The Whelk at 8:56 AM on September 2, 2010

For men, once the sex drive is activated, it's like we're time-travelling.

I was thirteen once, too.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:59 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

This seems like a good place to mention Sarah Haskins again.
posted by at the crossroads at 9:02 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

For men, once the sex drive is activated, it's like we're time-travelling.

One of the many inherent irresponsibilities in advertising is that it misinforms men about the quality of the weapons they should bring with them. Your safety is truly not guaranteed.
posted by Drastic at 9:03 AM on September 2, 2010

Even the band Nirvana has cashed in on this craze. It's horrible.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:04 AM on September 2, 2010

Not to mention that the whole you-are-the-camera-and-I'm-talking-just-to-you POV doesn't make sense at all to the roughly half the world's population (the half who don't have vaginas) once the pitch starts.
posted by me3dia at 9:05 AM on September 2, 2010

And what's with putting the risotto spoon RIGHT ON THE COUNTER instead of on a spoon rest?

Because he's a man, goddammit.
A man that cleans & disinfects his goddamned countertops like a civilized person.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:05 AM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

What, no link to Christopher Walken's "The Continental"?
posted by not_on_display at 9:05 AM on September 2, 2010

Clearly, I am not this commercial's target demographic as I'm not buyin' anything for my lady parts that's being sold to me by a shirtless *man.* I'm funny that way. Now, if you want to get some shirtless ladies on the screen...

Oh wait. That would destroy the relentless heteronormativity perpetuated by the consumer industrial machine. OH DARN.

It would also cause millions of men to buy panty liners, according to Pastabagel.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:07 AM on September 2, 2010 [4 favorites]

Respectfully disagree with Modern Lady's Erin Gibson. The Labatt Blue Refreshment Duo are not only not man's enemy, but the saviors of all men--or at least those whose idea of beer = Labatt Blue Light.

Some observations: Whenever I opine (often) that so many advertisers portray their customers as idiots, Mrs. Bubba says--"did they catch you watching, again?" She is far better at hitting the remote at the instant a commercial is cuing up.

Also, jquinby, I mistakenly thought that the Hillifier would also speed up the action, not just play Boots Randolph's "Yakety Sax." The "this is better" would be true if we could speed up Raoul or Nathan or whatever the Barbie's Dream Date guy's name is.

At first I thought, "Is this what equates to porn for women?" but as the wonderful panoply of responses from MeFi women has plainly shown--hellz naw!
posted by beelzbubba at 9:12 AM on September 2, 2010

Not to mention that the whole you-are-the-camera-and-I'm-talking-just-to-you POV doesn't make sense at all to the roughly half the world's population (the half who don't have vaginas) once the pitch starts.

Sucks, don't it? Of course, it's presumed that I share a heterosexual male gaze all the damned time.
posted by muddgirl at 9:12 AM on September 2, 2010 [8 favorites]

I'd leave my husband for a guy who would regularly remember to buy the product I use for this particular part of being female. But I don't need that guy extolling on the differences between them.

Odds are after close to two decades of having a period, I've figured out what works for me and no amount of advertising is likely to change my mind.

This statement is brought by a lot of bitterness and money spent on other products that just don't work (for me).
posted by zizzle at 9:24 AM on September 2, 2010

Stayfree Maxi Pad ads thought to be "Creepy... gross... nonsensical"
posted by SPUTNIK at 9:25 AM on September 2, 2010

bonehead: If they're both bad, why allow either?

Why indeed.
posted by blucevalo at 9:28 AM on September 2, 2010

Taking action:
Your new advert featuring Brad, Trevor and Ryan where a guy removes his shirt and then tries to sell liners are patronizing and insulting. They aren't even tongue-and-cheek enough to be endearing like the Old Spice adverts. I will not be buying your product, ever again. There are too many choices on the market to have to waste my time with a company that thinks I'm so simple and that women need to be spoken down to in monosyllabic words by some pretty boy. Come on guys, treat women like thinking beings and we'll respond. Don't treat us like retarded 10 year olds with sex drives. Indeed let's be honest, when I have my period I doubt even George Clooney would make me want to have sexy time... stop having men who hate women write your copy.

Stuff like this makes my blood boil. You've come a long way baby.
posted by eatdonuts at 9:29 AM on September 2, 2010

I knew it was Canadian as soon as I heard "chocolate molten LAAVA cakes."
posted by sklero at 9:33 AM on September 2, 2010

...yeah. Now I'm pretty much determined never to buy a product from them out of sheer bile-filled spite. I thought there was no way it could actually be that bad - and then I actually clicked on the link. Dear baby jesus.

I really, really hope those models/actors got paid well for this, because they ain't going to be pulling off an Isaiah Mustafa any time soon.
posted by zennish at 9:33 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

Anyway, I thought everbody was pretty much pro-moisture in that area.
posted by thinkpiece at 9:42 AM on September 2, 2010

This is the only way a guy could make me laugh and sell me a liner/pad.
posted by eatdonuts at 9:48 AM on September 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

Well, I like Ryan's office furniture. Damn, though, those ads are slow.
posted by sadiehawkinstein at 9:55 AM on September 2, 2010

theora55: I'm shocked, shocked to learn that the advertising industry doesn't respect women.

The advertising industry doesn't respect anyone.

Mrs. Pterodactyl:Jesus fucking Christ when I woke up I definitely did not foresee this being "Talk about my vagina on the internet" day. Usually that's a Tuesday.

hermitosis: See you next Tuesday!

Stupendous! I would buy whatever feminine hygiene product hermitosis recommends.
posted by hincandenza at 10:23 AM on September 2, 2010

I think I could sooner get my partner to turn into a walrus than to buy feminine products for me. He's in the running for Most Squeamish Man Alive and even the word "tampon" makes him quiver in fear. The man has a degree in engineering and literally has no idea how a tampon works and the very idea of it makes him cower in a corner. I don't think he'd be surprised to find out menstrual fluid really is blue, he's so clueless in this particular arena.

It's going to be very... interesting... to see how he handles the birth of our child. HEY FRIEND, HERE COMES BIOLOGY!
posted by sonika at 10:25 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

The one think I can't stand is moisture.

Don't these cretins know that the "moist" is offensive to women?
posted by straight at 10:41 AM on September 2, 2010

What died and crawled on his face?
posted by PuppyCat at 10:42 AM on September 2, 2010

OK. I watched the whole thing. I wouldn't buy a plunger from this guy.
posted by PuppyCat at 10:44 AM on September 2, 2010

I just don't understand straight men who get squeamish about vaginal discharge of any type (thankfully my spouse has no body shame). It's lubrication all the time! It doesn't just appear when your penis is in the area!
posted by muddgirl at 10:45 AM on September 2, 2010

True Tale from the Annals of Advertising:

I (a guy) was working on a campaign for an upstart feminine hygiene company a few years back. The company was founded and run by women; we'd done some good work for them in the past, and they liked work that was a little bit audacious but not totally nuts.

My proposal was for a series of print ads themed around the idea that men have, as a general rule, no fucking clue. So it would have been a lot of 1950-style shots of Coke-bottle-glasses-wearing scientists in lab coats examining a tampon or pad, trying to figure out what this strange object was and what it was for. A diagram of a pad on a blackboard with things like "pillow for squirrels? tiny kite?" written beside it.

Tag line along the lines that this was a company composed of women, designing products for women, because men really can't be trusted with this stuff. Selling it with comedy, but over the top enough that it's not even a "men are stoopid!" joke as much as a winking acknowledgement that men are deliberately obtuse about these things.

This was roundly rejected by our account manager (a woman) at the time, who reworked the whole thing to turn it into... well, something actually eerily similar to the FPP link, but in print form.* And yes, totally creepy.

The account manager, in turn, managed to convince the client this was a good idea. The client ran with it, and promptly suffered from a vicious backlash, including being roundly mocked on local newspapers and at an advertising awards show for the campaign. We were obviously toxic for the client after that, so I'll never get to find out if my approach (which in hindsight has some flaws itself) would have worked.

*Like, so close that I'd suspect them of pinching the idea, except that I can't see anyone seeing this epic pile of marketing fail and wanting to emulate it, and am forced to conclude that they came up with this really, really, really bad idea on their own.
posted by Shepherd at 10:57 AM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Another guy talking about periods in canada. It's Christian Drake performing "Bloodbath," his poem on period sex--the piece itself starts at about 1:50.

I'm quite fond of the lines "do not hesitate / to ask me to go snorkeling down there / Because if I’m going to order the finest steak, / I’m going to eat it rare." Dude sells it.
posted by neda at 11:04 AM on September 2, 2010

Shepherd, I like your approach much more.
posted by Megami at 11:15 AM on September 2, 2010

These guys are just like me! Shirts off and using Youtube alone with an imaginary POV camera we talk to about sanitary napkins.
posted by wcfields at 11:16 AM on September 2, 2010

Sweet Holy Moses. I went through college orientation with Christian Drake and walked with him at graduation. SO EFFIN WEIRD to see him referenced on MetaFilter.
posted by sonika at 11:18 AM on September 2, 2010

What's crazy is that for all of these ads, what is not being sold is sex at all. Its shame. They are making you ashamed so that you will run out and buy their product. Its like the entire culture has gotten way more negative in the last 20 years.

Well, it's a step up from the old-timey "douche with lysol or your husband will run off with his secretary and leave you destitute!"

Not to mention that the whole you-are-the-camera-and-I'm-talking-just-to-you POV doesn't make sense at all to the roughly half the world's population (the half who don't have vaginas) once the pitch starts.

As a gay lady, I very much have a WHY IS THIS CREEPY MAN IN MY HOUSE??!? reaction to all of these videos. (Though, with the Buffalo Bill references above, it seems like that reaction may be widespread...)
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 11:22 AM on September 2, 2010

What
the
posted by DU at 11:23 AM on September 2, 2010

Brad. Why are you so concerned with thinness? The Stayfree pad may be thinnest, but the Always pad is more absorbent, has sturdy wings, and doesn't bunch up or fall out of my undies like Stayfree with its weak-ass adhesive. But nooooo, you can't see past its size and appreciate its true worth. YOU THINK MY MAXIPADS AND I ARE FAT, DON'T YOU.

By the way, I hate risotto.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:27 AM on September 2, 2010 [5 favorites]

Dudes with no shirts hawking pads. Neat, another sign of the apocalypse.
posted by asuprenant at 12:06 PM on September 2, 2010

Trevor's video: [in a hushed voice] "Let's just put that there." FTW
posted by coolxcool=rad at 12:46 PM on September 2, 2010

Odds are after close to two decades of having a period, I've figured out what works for me and no amount of advertising is likely to change my mind.

I don't know how these commercials are meant to work in this framework, but I'd be willing to bet that the intended demographic is youngish girls who are just about to start, or recently started menstruation.

The ad folks know that brand choices made at this point in life will likely stick for decades. The aesthetic impact of a viral doesn't matter as long it does go viral. They're shooting for name recognition at the moment when someone is standing in the aisle looking at the shelf.
posted by Babblesort at 1:42 PM on September 2, 2010

I don't even see what's so weird about this. Pretty much every guy I've ever dated has immediately taken off his shirt and started talking about pantyliners. They all do that! They all do the blue water thing, too. The minute I enter a guy's house, I start looking around for the blue water.

What's irritating is when it happens at work. Some guy's eyes wandering toward my bag, trying to see if I have pantyliners in there, and I'm like "hey, my eyes are up here!" Sure, it gets a little tiresome, but they're men — what are you gonna do? *shrug*
posted by taz at 2:18 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

I've clearly been watching too many acronym-based crime TV shows, because in my mind:

1) "Date with Brad" is the opening scene to Criminal Minds - before the commercial break, the scene will pan out, revealing a bound and gagged woman being forced to nod in agreement with Brad.
2) The risotto is actually made of his last victim, a lady named Sunflower
3) He is fixed on panty liners because he is a very specific form of vampire. Approximately 23% of crime show criminals are vampires.
posted by fermezporte at 3:00 PM on September 2, 2010

I think Stayfree is try to have its cake and eat it too: they want to use a super sexy guy to sell their product, but they also want to be meta about it and parody itself at the same time. It's hard to pull that off.

It's mildly funny, but the pacing is off, the guy's delivery isn't good, and there's a strange lack of music. If it were zippier, half the length, starring the Old Spice guy (or someone with as good a delivery as the Old Spice guy since that guy is now a household face), then you've got a winner.
posted by zardoz at 3:12 PM on September 2, 2010

The Stayfree pad may be thinnest, but the Always pad is more absorbent, has sturdy wings, and doesn't bunch up or fall out of my undies

I was about to say. The Always Infinity pad is the Rolls-Royce of menstrual products. It's futile enough for Stayfree to make any comparison at all, but to do it in a set of ads as appalling as these, well that's just hilarious.
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 3:54 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

The Always Infinity pad is the Rolls-Royce of menstrual products.

Amen to that. Those things don't even deserve to be on the same shelf with pads, unless the shelf is plated with solid gold and lined with mink.
posted by sonika at 4:05 PM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

This isn't new -- Brawny tried to pull off almost the exact same thing a few years ago, right down to the camera that nodded in agreement with the freakishly perfect actor. They were a bit more tongue-in-cheek than these ads, though:

Thinking About You
Random But Understandable Breakdown
Everyday is Valentine's Day
Ten Tired Toes
Show Emotion Freely
Feeling Lonely
Be an Active Listener
Your Hair, It's Perfect
That Thing You're Going Through
Buyer's Remorse
Happy Birthday
Because It's Monday

They also did another series with a different actor that was a lot more like the Old Spice guy's shtick:

Saving a Raccoon's Life
Shaving
Dinosaur Bone
Baby Bird
Running with a Rock
Push-ups in the Woods
Playing Chess
Alligator Patrol
posted by Rhaomi at 4:07 PM on September 2, 2010

Oh, I'm so glad we got to the MakeupPantylineralley PepsiBlue forums part of discussion, because before I was kind of itching to shout out my personal prefs, but...as mentioned above, Always is the winner, hands down, and I don't know any women personally who don't agree. Stayfree will do in a pinch though, but they get weirdly disintegrate-y on top, like linty, similar to certain bad brands of toilet paper (and yes, the adhesive isn't as good, which matters a ton). But man. Kotex! Kotex sucks and always has, every aspect. I don't understand how they stay in business. I was amused when the little trials in each ad showed this, that Kotex was always the worst.
posted by ifjuly at 5:41 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

This thread is too amusing and hilarious. It's rare that mefi is in such total agreement.

These smarmy little harlequin romance minipad advertorial novellas fail on so many levels.

They should have showed the guys doing some science experiments with the pads instead - seeing which held up in the microwave, which absorbed the most beer, or which ones worked best crafted into robots or rockets. Some mythbuster type shit. That would be the only conceivable way I could see men taking that much of an interest in pads. Or me being OK with them taking that much of an interest in pads.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:09 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

I would TOTALLY have watched a long ad showing adorable squirrels snoozing on mini-pads, but blowing up the pads (a safe distance away from any adorable squirrels) would have been cool, too.
posted by maudlin at 8:27 PM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

This isn't new -- Brawny tried to pull off almost the exact same thing a few years ago...

Except when the Brawny guy talked, he had some credibility, because we could believe that he had personal experience with a variety of different liquid spills. Likewise, Old Spice Guy had credibility because we could believe he had personal experience with pleasant spicy man smells.

Brad and Trevor? Well, absent some Crying Game-esque twist, we doubt whether they speak with credibility about the issue of menses-containment, as it's a stretch to believe they have the necessary familiarity with the monthly uterine reboot to make a trustworthy recommendation.

Sure, they're welcome to try to convince us that mere experience in cleaning common household spills from their shirts or breeches imbues them with the necessary skills to speak crediby to the field of uterine flood management. But when it comes right down to it, I don't care if they're dudes with experience in cleaning up Gulf oil spills: selecting a pantyliner is one area where book learnin' just doesn't cut it.

And if this were Mad Men, you know Don Draper would either (1) totally have handed this off to Peggy; or (2) busted into the Stayfree meeting in the board room with his CLIO in one hand, a drink in the other hand, looked the client square in the eye and announced: "STAYFREE - THE CURE FOR THE COMMON PERIOD!"
posted by Dr. Zira at 8:50 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Forktine: “Would you buy a pantyliner from this man?”

I'll take two cases.
posted by koeselitz at 9:16 PM on September 2, 2010

Well, the commercials have obviously failed in one major advertising area: product identity. Each ad is hawking full-sized pads, not panty liners.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:36 PM on September 2, 2010

I thought he was going to play three-card monte with those pads.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:40 PM on September 2, 2010

So... this has nothing to do with zero-cost tiny houses, then?


See, they're Stayfree minipads, and so....
posted by norm at 11:37 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]