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March 1, 2012 12:45 PM   Subscribe

An investigative "Cold Case Posse" launched six months ago by "America’s toughest sheriff" – Joe Arpaio of Arizona’s Maricopa County – has concluded there is probable cause that the document released by the White House last year as President Obama’s birth certificate is a computer-generated forgery. Livestream here as THE TRUTH is exposed.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates (306 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
*blinks*

I just - what?
posted by The Whelk at 12:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


The tag-induced "related posts" are great.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 12:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


.
posted by Artw at 12:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's spelled "toughest", but pronounced "corruptest".
posted by Catblack at 12:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [34 favorites]


Clearly Joe Arpaio is hot on the lizard people hunt.
posted by The Whelk at 12:47 PM on March 1, 2012 [10 favorites]


Guys, Jerome Corsi just said that this investigation was NOT politically motivated.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 12:47 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Considering what happened last time a media figure made a big deal about Obama's birth certificate, un-named despot better watch out.
posted by drezdn at 12:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Ladies and gentlemen: your 2012 Republican party.
posted by joe lisboa at 12:50 PM on March 1, 2012 [51 favorites]


I favourited this just for the Art Bell tag.
posted by Dark Messiah at 12:50 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


I'm torn between desperately wanting to watch the trainwreck and not wanting to give these crazypants any more eyeballs. I understand they snack on them.
posted by EvaDestruction at 12:50 PM on March 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


That black guy just can't be president. He can't, he can't, he can't!
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:51 PM on March 1, 2012 [82 favorites]


Talking Points Memo: The 6 Weirdest Publicity Stunts Of Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Career.
posted by RichardP at 12:51 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


My favorite part of Helvetica was when Steven Segal did a cameo.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:53 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Can the justice department please just charge this guy already?
posted by leotrotsky at 12:54 PM on March 1, 2012 [8 favorites]


I love how the birthers keep finding new fodder for nonsense. THERE'S NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Oh, there is? Well, now we need EVIDENCE REGARDING THE CHAIN OF CUSTODY OF ALL BIRTH RECORDS INCLUDING PAPER MIROFILM AND ELECTRONIC RECORDS EVER SINCE 1961. What could the next level of crazy be?
posted by entropone at 12:54 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Wha???? And just for the heck of it, who in the world gave an Arizona sheriff jurisdiction over State of Hawaii birth records, let alone the be-all end-all king of who's eligible to become US President?!?

Lordy, I wish that senile old fool would just have a blubber-induced coronary and get it over with.....
posted by easily confused at 12:55 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


You know how the idea keeps getting floated around that maybe the GOP is in for a brokered convention, one that will result in some previously unthought-of candidate being brought forward to unify the warring factions that make up the Republican Party nowadays? Wouldn't it be awesome if it was Arpaio?
posted by Ipsifendus at 12:55 PM on March 1, 2012 [13 favorites]


They already want to see the Presidential Peen for evidence of ... something, idek.
posted by elizardbits at 12:56 PM on March 1, 2012


If there's no Sir Mix-a-Lot, it's not a posse.
posted by box at 12:56 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


The awesome part of the "fake Obama's birth certificate" is how they got the birth announcement published in a HI newspaper back when he was born.

THE CONSPIRACY IS THAT LONG-RUNNING AND POWERFUL, MAAAAAAN.
posted by rmd1023 at 12:57 PM on March 1, 2012 [45 favorites]


Don't you have defamation laws in the USA? Isn't it about time Obama started to lay down some smack on these morons?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:57 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


I think the bigger question is why is Obama taking so long to enslave us at the behest of his lizard overlords.

His term is almost done, and if his potential opposition didn't consist of a walrus, old sweat sock and plate of ham and eggs. (HAM AND EGGS 2012!) the window of human enslavement could close without our race being made to mine iron on Venus at the behest of the Greys due a win by the freedom loving GOP.

Holy shit, for putting so much effort into getting the illegal elected in the first place, they are certainly being laissez-faire about their end game.

Fucking slacker lizard people.
posted by Keith Talent at 12:58 PM on March 1, 2012 [53 favorites]


Lay off the birthers. It must be difficult to have only one idea and that one an incorrect one.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:58 PM on March 1, 2012 [31 favorites]


The awesome part of the "fake Obama's birth certificate" is how they got the birth announcement published in a HI newspaper back when he was born.

CLEARLY THEY HAVE ACCESS TO A TIME MACHINE
posted by The Whelk at 12:59 PM on March 1, 2012 [10 favorites]


Isn't it about time Obama started to lay down some smack on these morons?

Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
posted by griphus at 1:00 PM on March 1, 2012 [47 favorites]


I have an offhand theory that Obama nudges the birthers along. Why not have your opposition waste its time on ridiculous unreal matters rather than opposing your policy?
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:01 PM on March 1, 2012 [10 favorites]


Anyone else watching to see if they tip out a 40 for Brietbart at the end?
posted by Keith Talent at 1:01 PM on March 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


It's a fake!
posted by adamrice at 1:01 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


I've got to say, it's a fitting memorial to Andrew Breitbart.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:01 PM on March 1, 2012 [20 favorites]


I love how the birthers keep finding new fodder for nonsense. THERE'S NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Oh, there is? Well, now we need EVIDENCE REGARDING THE CHAIN OF CUSTODY OF ALL BIRTH RECORDS INCLUDING PAPER MIROFILM AND ELECTRONIC RECORDS EVER SINCE 1961. What could the next level of crazy be?

This, maybe?
posted by Ratio at 1:01 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


I really hope you at least some of you are watching this livestream.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:02 PM on March 1, 2012


Lordy, I wish that senile old fool would just have a blubber-induced coronary and get it over with.....

HOW DARE YOU WHAT ABOUT HIS BELOVED WIFE AND CHILDREN BLAH BLAH BLAH
posted by Wordwoman at 1:02 PM on March 1, 2012 [41 favorites]


THE LIZARD PEOPLE HAVE SCRAMBLED MY GRAMMAR.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:03 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]




Don't you have defamation laws in the USA? Isn't it about time Obama started to lay down some smack on these morons?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:57 PM on March 1 [+] [!]


He subscribes to the FIAMO philosophy.
posted by Stagger Lee at 1:03 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


If there's no Sir Mix-a-Lot, it's not a posse.

False. The posse's in effect.
posted by dismas at 1:03 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


IT'S PEOPLE! OBAMA'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS MADE OUT OF PEOPLE!
posted by griphus at 1:03 PM on March 1, 2012 [12 favorites]


We're inside the Matrix! Everything is fake!
posted by Artw at 1:03 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Woah.
posted by zombieflanders at 1:04 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Holy shit Soylent Green takes place in 2022.
posted by griphus at 1:04 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


I love how the birthers keep finding new fodder for nonsense. THERE'S NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Oh, there is? Well, now we need EVIDENCE REGARDING THE CHAIN OF CUSTODY OF ALL BIRTH RECORDS INCLUDING PAPER MIROFILM AND ELECTRONIC RECORDS EVER SINCE 1961. What could the next level of crazy be?

Unfortunately I think they have run out of legal options. It would be nice if they found a way to chase their tail for the next five years.
posted by dibblda at 1:04 PM on March 1, 2012


ORLY?
posted by DU at 1:05 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


I love how the birthers keep finding new fodder for nonsense. THERE'S NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Oh, there is? Well, now we need EVIDENCE REGARDING THE CHAIN OF CUSTODY OF ALL BIRTH RECORDS INCLUDING PAPER MIROFILM AND ELECTRONIC RECORDS EVER SINCE 1961. What could the next level of crazy be?
1961 IS A LIBERAL MYTH
posted by Flunkie at 1:05 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


I find that it helps just to think of the Birthers as fanatic Joe Biden supporters who will stop at NOTHING to see that line of succession in action.
posted by argonauta at 1:05 PM on March 1, 2012 [16 favorites]


Well this starts out idiotic and then goes downhill from there.

Note that Part 3 explores 'Opitical Character Recognition Software'.

It's riveting.
posted by mazola at 1:05 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


I cannot figure out how this man keeps his job. There are some problems with that:

America's self-proclaimed toughest sheriff finds himself entangled these days in his own thorny legal troubles: a federal grand jury probe over alleged abuse of power, Justice Department accusations of racial profiling and revelations that his department didn't adequately investigate hundreds of Arizona sex-crime cases.


But no, he's Sheriff of -- Hawaii?

Mike Zullo, Arpaio’s lead investigator, said his team believes the Hawaii Department of Health has engaged in a systematic effort to hide from public inspection any original 1961 birth records it may have in its possession.
posted by bearwife at 1:05 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


I demand to see Sir Mix-a-Lot's certificate of investiture from the Queen.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:05 PM on March 1, 2012 [46 favorites]


Arpaio is the worst kind of fuckface.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:05 PM on March 1, 2012 [11 favorites]


I really hope you at least some of you are watching this livestream.

Okay, I'll take one for the team. Stay tuned.
posted by Ratio at 1:06 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


So is the crashed alien space ship under Arizona pumping out even more Crazy Radiation or?
posted by The Whelk at 1:06 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


1961 IS A LIBERAL MYTH

Hippies were actually goose stepping Nazis. FACT!
posted by dibblda at 1:06 PM on March 1, 2012


Over on Facebook, Joel Hodgson - as in, MST3K, Cinematic Titanic Joel Hodgson - has taken a moment from his usual VOTE FOR RON PAUL, MAN stuff to link to the Arpaio story, saying that Arpaio makes a sound case.

*turns in Team Joel badge* *affixes Team Mike badge*
posted by bakerina at 1:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [57 favorites]


The literal argument here is that since a document produced by a good piece of scanning software doesn't match a document produced by a shitty piece of scanning software, the document scanned with the good software must be a fake.

This is eerily similar to the general conservative principle that anyone who went to college is too educated to be trusted.
posted by 0xFCAF at 1:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


If Obama's birth certificate is NOT a fake then there would have to be a conspiracy of massive proportions: Orly Taitz would have to be a nut*, Donald Trump would have to be a blowhard**, half of the Republican blogosphere would have to be idiots***.
*instead of a cutting edge genius dentist/lawyer.
** and certainly not one of the greatest financial wizards of our day
*** okay, this one is believable.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [11 favorites]


Part 4 explores 'Optimzation'.
posted by mazola at 1:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


It was a bipartisan investigation.

Though for Republicans, "bipartisan" means that some of the people involved are not quite as rich as others.
posted by Legomancer at 1:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


If I were Obama right after the election I'd slip into a horribly fake sounding "Kenyan" African accent during some big televised speech just for the hell of it. That's... part of the reason why I'm not like Obama.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [18 favorites]


Uh Mike Nelson is a bit of a neo-con crank.
posted by The Whelk at 1:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [8 favorites]


I watched about 10 minutes of the live-stream. They kept saying, over and over, that they don't think Obama is involved in any way personally, but that they just want some answers, and would be thrilled (thrilled!) if the country could put this whole thing behind them.
posted by codacorolla at 1:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


The LiveStream has less stark crazy than I would prefer. Just two douchebags pretending to be objective and serious law enforcement professionals.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:08 PM on March 1, 2012


that they don't think Obama is involved in any way personally

But surely, by now he would have ...noticed?
posted by The Whelk at 1:08 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


I knew I just watched Cinematic Titanic for Josh, Trace, Frank, and Mary Jo.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:09 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Profile of Sheriff Joe (New Yorker, July 2009). "In March, the U.S. Department of Justice, at the request of members of Congress, launched an investigation into charges of discriminatory conduct by the sheriff’s office in Maricopa County. “It’s garbage,” Arpaio says—grandstanding by politically correct bureaucrats afraid to enforce the laws, Obama Democrats throwing their weight around."
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 1:09 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


The investigators contend the videos illustrate their conclusion that the features and anomalies observed on the Obama long-form birth certificate were inconsistent with features produced when a paper document is scanned, even if the scan is enhanced by Optical Character Recognition, OCR, and optimized.

LET'S ENHANCE
posted by fifthrider at 1:09 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh, now Arpaio is acting a little crazy and presuming that it's his role to investigate this.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:09 PM on March 1, 2012


EvaDestruction: I'm torn between desperately wanting to watch the trainwreck and not wanting to give these crazypants any more eyeballs. I understand they snack on them.

What are they, a bunch of Corinthians (Sandman reference)?
posted by filthy light thief at 1:10 PM on March 1, 2012


1961 IS A LIBERAL MYTH

1961 WAS BIBLICAL TIMES AND WHILE JESUS WAS BEING PROSECUTED BY THE ROMANS THOSE LIBERALS WERE FUCKING DINOSAURS FROM SPACE AND THAT'S HOW BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN AS A LIZARD PERSON ITS IN REVELATIONS PEOPLE!!1!
posted by gompa at 1:10 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]



If I were Obama right after the election I'd slip into a horribly fake sounding "Kenyan" African accent during some big televised speech just for the hell of it. That's... part of the reason why I'm not like Obama.


Metafilter has seen the Obama birth video right?
posted by Stagger Lee at 1:10 PM on March 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


LET'S ENHANCE

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer.
posted by griphus at 1:10 PM on March 1, 2012


"If 250 people come up to me and ask me to look into it, I'm not just gonna throw it in the garbage..."

OOHhh, but I thought it DIDN'T EXIST!

This guy is belligerent as fuck.
posted by obscurator at 1:10 PM on March 1, 2012


that they don't think Obama is involved in any way personally

Obviously you missed the part where they describe a secret informant who was told BY OBAMA at a party held IN Bill Ayers' HOUSE that Obama HIMSELF was a foreign student. Obama KNOWS.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:10 PM on March 1, 2012


Joel Hodgson is a birther? Say it ain't so!
posted by drezdn at 1:11 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


ONLY I, THE FAIREST SHERIFF IN ALL THE LAND, HAS THE MANDATE OF HEAVEN TO EXPOSE THIS PRETENDER TO THE THRONE!
posted by The Whelk at 1:12 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


“In fact, absent the authentication of Hawaii Department of Health 1961 birth records for Barack Obama, there is no other proof he was born anywhere within the United States.”

I maintain a strict Cartesian approach on this birther business. Proof that Obama was born in Hawaii? Bah! I want proof that he was born at all! I want proof that Hawaii exists! I want proof that this whole "external reality" exists, but all I get are my senses being deceived! What do I know? I know nothing!

Could someone change the water in my vat? It's getting a bit cloudy. KTHX.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:12 PM on March 1, 2012 [51 favorites]


"That was not my real birth video. That was a children's cartoon. Call Disney if you don't believe me. They have the original long-form version."

/frantic dialling.
posted by Artw at 1:12 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Obviously you missed the part where they describe a secret informant who was told BY OBAMA at a party held IN Bill Ayers' HOUSE that Obama HIMSELF was a foreign student. Obama KNOWS.

I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not, since this whole issue is so detached from reality that it causes irony meters to spin so wildly as to make comical whistling noises, but I actually did miss that part if it exists, and Arpaio's crony made it very clear (for legal purposes I would assume) that Obama isn't directly involved.
posted by codacorolla at 1:13 PM on March 1, 2012


OBAMA ACTUALLY SOPHISTICATED HOLOGRAM ALA JEM
posted by The Whelk at 1:13 PM on March 1, 2012 [21 favorites]


Over on Facebook, Joel Hodgson - as in, MST3K, Cinematic Titanic Joel Hodgson - has taken a moment from his usual VOTE FOR RON PAUL, MAN stuff to link to the Arpaio story, saying that Arpaio makes a sound case.

What? No, they got to Joel too! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
posted by entropicamericana at 1:13 PM on March 1, 2012 [12 favorites]


These guys are very clear that a crime HAS DEFINITELY been committed. But they don't know WHO DID IT. Or WHY. And this is exactly the reason why Sheriff Joe was FORCED to take up the case. Because nobody else would do it. All he wants to know is THE TRUTH.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:14 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


The Whelk, Mike is admittedly a neocon, but at least he still welcomes comments from filthy lefties like me, and he's still polite and funny and writes about things like bouillon and ill-fitting clothes. Joel is just becoming an angry, disingenuous nut.
posted by bakerina at 1:14 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Don't worry, he's not answering all of the questions that "have been up in the universe.."
posted by obscurator at 1:14 PM on March 1, 2012


"250 people out of a county of 4,000,000 asked me to investigate this!"
posted by Ratio at 1:14 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


There has to be kind of crime! He's much too black to be president!
posted by The Whelk at 1:15 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


It's still correct that Arizona has no crime and free money though, right? I mean, that IS why this is possible, right? We should respect that.
posted by Artw at 1:15 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


bakerina, yeah it's a matter of degree. Joel has become .....strange.
posted by The Whelk at 1:15 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not

Joe's deputy was VERY CLEAR on this point. It doesn't mean that Obama committed any crime - but clearly Obama KNEW of his very own foreign student status. There are NO ACCUSATIONS here. But a crime HAS been committed. Nobody knows why. But don't worry - they are so ON IT.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:16 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]



Don't worry, he's not answering all of the questions that "have been up in the universe.."


That's why he's investigating the origins of dark matter.
posted by The Whelk at 1:16 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


"The media should understand the evidence we have right now...it's just like any other criminal investigation...we haven't accused anyone of anything."

So basically, you've got fuck all.
posted by obscurator at 1:16 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


This will certainly convince the people who already believe this to believe it more.
posted by Legomancer at 1:17 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


If this whole stupid escapade makes me prefer Mike to Joel, well...that's the real tragedy here.
posted by malocchio at 1:17 PM on March 1, 2012 [8 favorites]


The scary thing to me, is that Sheriff Joke and his policies are thinly veiled racism, and his posse is packed with racist neo nazis. It's really quite horrific to watch him, somehow get re-elected every year. I should just stay off the comments to any post about him because we are going to soak his grave in piss someday.
posted by Catblack at 1:17 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


I heard a story that once every few generations, when the seventh son of a seventh son of a seventh son is born, water will actually descend from the heavens onto Arizona.
posted by griphus at 1:17 PM on March 1, 2012


"If the President can just provide some additional information about his birthplace, then this whole thing will go away."

LOL
posted by Ratio at 1:17 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Clearly they were eager to explore many possibilities.
posted by mazola at 1:17 PM on March 1, 2012


How come no one gives a shit
About
my birth certificate?

posted by cortex at 1:18 PM on March 1, 2012 [8 favorites]


Over on Facebook, Joel Hodgson - as in, MST3K, Cinematic Titanic Joel Hodgson - has taken a moment from his usual VOTE FOR RON PAUL, MAN stuff to link to the Arpaio story, saying that Arpaio makes a sound case.

Aaaaaaaannd my theory for learning nothing about my favorite artists outside of their art is once again validated.
posted by Rangeboy at 1:19 PM on March 1, 2012 [46 favorites]


"OMG the birth certificate I saw on the white house web site came from a computer!"
posted by Ratio at 1:20 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Oh, my God - I realized the surprise plot twist that this is leading to: Obama hasn't been born - yet.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:21 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


This is clearly a vice-presidential bid.
posted by Artw at 1:21 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Arpaio believes a congressional investigation might be warranted

Y'know, WTF does "conservative" even mean? I like not having the government in my face all the time. I like having stability. I like not too much money taken out of my wallet.

Where the hell does this fit in to anything anywhere near that? Let's spend a truckload of taxpayers money on paranoid schizo "investigations."

Why does it even matter? Hell, I used to be a bit uncomfortable with changing the constitutional requirements for running for president and having to be born in the U.S.
I even LIKE Schwartzenegger (personally, not as a politician).

Now, screw it. Let's invite anyone from anywhere to run for office. Because we're sure happy to let money flood in from anywhere. Why would it matter who's filling the suit.
We don't seem to want to change that.

Can something be called "politics" if there's no ideal at all behind it other than opposition for the sake of opposition?

It really just kills me this guy wears a badge.
Oh, not that he's just a cop or sheriff, you can hide being a nutcase and do that, it's that he's an *elected* law enforcement official.

I wouldn't trust the guy to hold my drink while I took a leak much less pull the lever that says "yeah, this is the guy I want to watch over my community."

Just. So. Stupid.
What's beyond nihilism? Does Nietzsche cover that at all?
posted by Smedleyman at 1:22 PM on March 1, 2012 [11 favorites]


"Stick with what we said today, and make your own judgement..."

So since you said absolutely nothing, I just....ok, got it.
posted by obscurator at 1:22 PM on March 1, 2012


Artw, Santorum/Arpaio 2012? I just threw up a little, in my mouth.
posted by Catblack at 1:23 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


If you look closely in this photo you can see that Obama's brother's head is disappearing, leading us to the overwhelming conclusion that our so-called 'president' was a time traveller from 1985 who planted the fake birth announcement so that he could get the sports almanac back from Biff.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:23 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


Okay, me again. What I just realized is that Joe Arpaio will do ANYTHING for 250 petitions. Time to start having fun.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:23 PM on March 1, 2012 [14 favorites]


Fucking slacker lizard people.

We've actually been quite busy lately.
posted by Lizard People at 1:23 PM on March 1, 2012 [88 favorites]


The press conference has finished.

THANK YOU Sheriff Joe! What you did today was NOT easy!!
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:25 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


1961 IS A LIBERAL MYTH

Hey, does that make me mythological? Because if it does, I'm totally going to smite some fuckers.

I can do that, right?
posted by steambadger at 1:25 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


I really wonder what the Secret Service is making of this.
posted by localroger at 1:25 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


It's fun to joke about Sheriff Joe's wacky ideas and all, but the link Bearwife posted needs to be read.

Sheriff's Joe's office specifically did not investigate sexual abuse against children in his jurisdiction if the children's parents were illegal immigrants. Link.
posted by cell divide at 1:25 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Fucking slacker lizard people.

We've actually been quite busy lately.
Joined: December 17, 2008

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LIES!
posted by zombieflanders at 1:26 PM on March 1, 2012 [16 favorites]


So... what, is this the real-life version of the 'this looks shopped' meme?

Either that or he's seen quite a few forged birth certs in his life.
posted by zennish at 1:26 PM on March 1, 2012


Keith Talent: "His term is almost done, and if his potential opposition didn't consist of a walrus, old sweat sock and plate of ham and eggs. (HAM AND EGGS 2012!) the window of human enslavement could close without our race being made to mine iron on Venus at the behest of the Greys due a win by the freedom loving GOP. "

Vote Walrus!
posted by I am the Walrus at 1:27 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


That live feed was stupefying. I could tell, because after it was over and people were milling around and talking you could hear several people saying "I, just— what do you? How could I? What do you say to that?!" to blank looks and slack jaws.
posted by carsonb at 1:27 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


What's beyond nihilism? Does Nietzsche cover that at all?
posted by Smedleyman


Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
posted by COBRA! at 1:27 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


The livestream page has this useful piece of advice:

If not working in Chrome or mobile device, please use Internet Explorer or Firefox on a PC/MAC.

So... don't use Opera? Will IE4 work on Ubuntu? What about Lynx? Will livestream run through Lynx on Solaris?
posted by steambadger at 1:28 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Meanwhile, here in Indiana...
Warning. Link to truly nutjob website.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:29 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Where's the belly button, Obama?
posted by drezdn at 1:30 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


The Whelk, Mike is admittedly a neocon, but at least he still welcomes comments from filthy lefties like me, and he's still polite and funny and writes about things like bouillon and ill-fitting clothes. Joel is just becoming an angry, disingenuous nut.

This is the saddest thing I've learned all week. WHY JOEL WHY YOU WERE SO FUNNY JOEL.

My theory on Arpaio is that this is timed so that when he is inevitably indicted for some of his many crimes he can say SEE THEY ARE TRYING TO SILENCE ME. Perhaps he knows an indictment is likely to happen soon, even. (hopehopehope)
posted by emjaybee at 1:30 PM on March 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


If I were ever realize my plans to become a Super Villain, I would hire Francis E. Dec to rant about wacky fucked up Frankenstein computer brain secret nighttime surgery conspiracies and I would fund a UFO society and an occult investigation group that would reveal my ties to a Satanic Alien Plot and amidst all the inanity and impossible claims my actual death ray would be overlooked as yet another stupid wackjob theory.
posted by idiopath at 1:30 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Sheriff Joe is on this case like a flaming bag of turds on a doorstep.
posted by jabo at 1:31 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


"If the President can just provide some additional information about his birthplace, then this whole thing will go away."

"Hawaii, the 'Aloha State', is the 50th of the United States, and was admitted into the union on August 21st, 1959. It's landmass consists of a cluster of islands in the Pacific Ocean, between roughly 18° 55′ N to 28° 27′ N latitude and 154° 48′ W to 178° 22′ W longitude. It has a tropical to sub-tropical climate, with a variety of native flora and fauna unique to the islands; as well as imported species, particularly cash crops. Hawaii's motto is Ua Mau ke Ea o ka ʻĀina i ka Pono, which translates as 'The Life of the Land is Perpetuated in Righteousness'. The state bird is the Nene Goose."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:31 PM on March 1, 2012 [42 favorites]


CLEARLY THEY HAVE ACCESS TO A TIME MACHINE

No. There is an "Occam's razor" sort of argument that proves they don't have access to a time machine. If they had access to a time machine, it would be much easier to pick up his mother prior to going into labor, have her deliver in Hawaii, and a real birth certificate (optionally returning mother and child to wherever).
posted by MrGuilt at 1:31 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Cell Divide, thanks for reposting that link. Remember, that's just the latest scandal. There have been so many more I've lost count. And I gave up trying to fight the posse on Arpaio's wikipedia page long ago.
posted by Catblack at 1:31 PM on March 1, 2012


bakerina:

This looks to be the page of the RON PAUL supporting Joel Hodgson.

This looks like the page of the Joel Hodgson guy who co-created MST3K.

Are you sure that the first page is really the same Joel Hodgson?
posted by dhens at 1:31 PM on March 1, 2012 [12 favorites]


The only solution here is to declare allegiance directly to Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:31 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - Let the major Republican Candidates take up this cause !
Help encourage the birthers !!

There is no way better for the Republicans to lose the coming election than flying the crazy flag.
posted by Flood at 1:33 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Are you sure that the first page is really the same Joel Hodgson?

I'm not sure if she's right or not, but that first page is a personal Facebook profile, while the one on the bottom is an entity profile.
posted by griphus at 1:33 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


"Hawaii, the 'Aloha State', is the 50th of the United States, and was admitted into the union on August 21st, 1959. It's landmass consists of a cluster of islands in the Pacific Ocean, between roughly 18° 55′ N to 28° 27′ N latitude and 154° 48′ W to 178° 22′ W longitude. It has a tropical to sub-tropical climate, with a variety of native flora and fauna unique to the islands; as well as imported species, particularly cash crops. Hawaii's motto is Ua Mau ke Ea o ka ʻĀina i ka Pono, which translates as 'The Life of the Land is Perpetuated in Righteousness'. The state bird is the Nene Goose."

In conclusion, Hawaii is a land of contrasts. Thank you.
posted by entropicamericana at 1:34 PM on March 1, 2012 [36 favorites]


Don't you have defamation laws in the USA? Isn't it about time Obama started to lay down some smack on these morons?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:57 PM on March 1


Quite seriously: accusations made against the POTUS would be treated as political free speech by the courts, almost without regard to their content.

Furthermore, the office of the POTUS would not deign to draw suit against gnats like this. It would make the office look less stalwart.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:34 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


griphus:
Yes, I am aware of that. I didn't see anything on the first (admittedly, I am not Facebook friends with him) that would indicated it was MST3K Joel.
posted by dhens at 1:35 PM on March 1, 2012


"If the President can just provide some additional information about his birthplace, then this whole thing will go away."

And then someone says, "What about the birth announcements in the paper?" and the other guy behind Joe pipes up with a flinty, "I think I have the answer to that. I was hoping it wouldn't come up and that someone would ask.

"You see, those newspaper announcements are not trustworthy at all. There may be evidence, we may have proof that at least as many as three and as few as none of those birth announcement babies were breathing three years prior. Also possibly foreign-born." And then I think he actually shudders a little. This guy!

The lexicon around this belief is powerful, people.
posted by carsonb at 1:35 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


There's something going on here and no one is telling us the truth.

If you look at a photograph of Barack Obama before 1961 and another one right after...

Larry King: Aren't you being a little paranoid?

Have you compared the photographs?
posted by Smedleyman at 1:35 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cold Case Posse was a hip-hop act from 1961! They had a regional hit called "Doo Wop the Prez" but, after the JFK assassination, they conveniently disappeared from the public radar. IT WAS THE WRONG PREZ SHEEPLE!
posted by not_on_display at 1:36 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Tom Servo is against Birth Control and supported Michelle Bachmann.
posted by drezdn at 1:37 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


Oh, and the lesson is that they're outright lying about additional documentation or proof or whatever because if anything is produced they'll set their goddamned Powerpoint Interns to making fucked up what-if videos outlining scenarios of disbelief so that they never have to let go! Never give up! WINNING!
posted by carsonb at 1:37 PM on March 1, 2012


Crow T. Robot is actually a member of the Communist Party.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:38 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


AH! AH! AH! AH! DON'T TOUCH ME.
posted by carsonb at 1:39 PM on March 1, 2012


> The lexicon around this belief is powerful, people.

Yeah, the belief is basically a stone fortress in their heads built around a central idea that's basically: "no way in hell I'm accepting that goddamned darkie as commander-in-chief". All rational arguments simply melt away in the deep moat of acid surrounding that centrally racist construction. There's no way to argue with it.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:40 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


There are no more heroes.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:40 PM on March 1, 2012


"Cold Case Posse"

Posse? Why not use another historical term to describe your group: lynch mob?
posted by ericb at 1:40 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


All the Joel Hodgson comments up above made me really sad -- does anyone have any evidence that the MST3K Joel Hodgson is an Arpaio-loving birther? The Facebook page linked above just looks to me like a really unfortunate name collision.
posted by gurple at 1:41 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Can we be sure that he is not the product of illegal genetic experimentation, like Stitch from Lilo and Stitch? is there any actual proof of that?
posted by Artw at 1:41 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


> Tom Servo is against Birth Control and supported Michelle Bachmann.

Tom Servo is a gumball machine. There, I said it.
posted by .kobayashi. at 1:41 PM on March 1, 2012 [22 favorites]


Gypsy is a radical feminist separatist
posted by The Whelk at 1:42 PM on March 1, 2012 [10 favorites]


Gypsy was the only reasonable one... Plus she got rich during the dotcom era.
posted by drezdn at 1:42 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Has anyone looked into the possibility that Joe Arpaio is a computer generated forgery? Because he doesn't seem very realistic tbh.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 1:43 PM on March 1, 2012


Tom Servo is a robot's name.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:43 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Are you sure that the first page is really the same Joel Hodgson?

Joel Hodgson the scrum half said that?
Good thing I'm an All-Blacks fan.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:43 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


>Tom Servo is a gumball machine. There, I said it.
Yeah, for 25 cents you can chew on him til he loses his flavor.
posted by Catblack at 1:43 PM on March 1, 2012


Having 'Sheriff Joe' analyze documents for authenticity is a little like hiring the CEO's son to set up your network and mail server.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 1:43 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Looks like this stunt has been a nice moneymaker for WorldNetDaily and its founder, Joseph Farah.
posted by argonauta at 1:44 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sometimes I wish that we never told the south that racism was wrong. That way, they wouldn't have to mask it and we could more easily dismiss it.
posted by keithburgun at 1:44 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Cambot made a sex tape.
posted by drezdn at 1:45 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Sometimes I wish that we never told the south that racism was wrong. That way, they wouldn't have to mask it and we could more easily dismiss it.

Sometimes I wish people knew where Arizona was.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:45 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


Obama Team Makes Light Of Latest Birth Certificate Claims
"The issue of President Obama's birth certificate won't go away, so Obama's re-election team decided to have a little fun with it.

As an Arizona sheriff held a news conference claiming evidence that the birth certificate released in April is a fake, Obama campaign spokesman Ben LaBolt tweeted out what he called a 'live feed' of the presentation -- which turned out to be a clip of the theme song from the old science fiction series The X Files.

LaBolt also told Twitter followers 'birth certificate available here' -- and linked to an ad for an Obama coffee mug with the birth certificate emblazoned it."
posted by ericb at 1:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [25 favorites]


Arizona borders Mexico. That is not exactly the north.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Tom Servo is still a beautiful butterfly and butterflies are free to fly, high away, far away, bye bye
posted by The Whelk at 1:47 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


Toughest Sheriff In The Closet.
posted by Catblack at 1:47 PM on March 1, 2012


Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish: The only solution here is to declare allegiance directly to Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo.

You don't get it man, you don't get it! They're just puppets! They're just puppets, man! Nothing's safe!
posted by filthy light thief at 1:47 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Arizona was technically part of the CSA even though it wasn't a state during the Civil War.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Birther Bribery: Is WorldNetDaily Trying to Influence Joe Arpaio?
posted by ericb at 1:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Arizona borders Mexico. That is not exactly the north.

In the US, "The South" means the Southeastern part of the country, basically those states the seceded from the Union plus possibly a few border states. Arizona is not "the South." The fact that it happens to be located south of some other places does not make it The South.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


This morning the Obama money-requesting machine offered me that same 'Made in the USA' coffee mug with birth certificate that ericb mentions. I was going to give it a pass, but I may just need one, now...
posted by Mad_Carew at 1:49 PM on March 1, 2012


Sometimes I wish people knew where Arizona was.

South-westy?
posted by Artw at 1:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


The Republican political strategy is apparently based on trolling the electorate. Just get everybody so upset theater political violence breaks out so they can lure the moderate in with promises of law and order.
posted by humanfont at 1:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Holy fuckballs, it took him until NOW to come up with this bullshit?
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:50 PM on March 1, 2012


> In the US, "The South" means the Southeastern part of the country, basically those states the seceded from the Union plus possibly a few border states. Arizona is not "the South." The fact that it happens to be located south of some other places does not make it The South.

See my previous comment.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:51 PM on March 1, 2012


Mad_Carew: you can get those same Obama birth certificate mus cheaper on either Amazon or CafePress.com. (Ask where I got my sister a pair for Christmas....)
posted by easily confused at 1:53 PM on March 1, 2012


ericb: Obama Team Makes Light Of Latest Birth Certificate Claims

Ben LaBolt's tweet in question. His twitter feed has another gem, re-tweeted from BuzzFeed Politics:
BuzzFeed Politics ‏(@BuzzFeedPol)
Flashback: Joe Arpaio Was Romney Arizona Campaign Chair In 2008 bzfd.it/zoPwd6
Retweeted by Ben LaBolt
And lots of other similar re-tweets about Arpaio's connection to Romney and vis-versa.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:54 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


OK, look, let's slow down for a moment and consider how we can harness this to be a good thing. I submit that 250 people should ask the good Sherriff:

-to locate the God particle, aka the Higgs Boson;
-determine the whereabouts of Amelia Earhart;
-ascertain the identity of Jack the Ripper;


along with the answer to any other mystery that has been bugging us for a while. I mean, the man obviously has resources and time to spare on investigating anything 250 people ask him about, so let's get cracking people! There are important questions we can get Joe on!
posted by never used baby shoes at 1:57 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


So, not that Obama will do much campaigning in Arizona, but if he steps into Maricopa County, he could be arrested.

That would be a lot of fun to watch!
posted by Danf at 1:58 PM on March 1, 2012


never used baby shoes:

Clearly, Jimmy Hoffa's current location needs to be on that list...
posted by genehack at 2:00 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


easily confused: Mad_Carew: you can get those same Obama birth certificate mus cheaper on either Amazon or CafePress.com. (Ask where I got my sister a pair for Christmas....)

It looks like they're only $7 cheaper from Cafe Press, and Amazon links to CP. And that mug lacks the [Smiling Obama pic] Made in the USA flip-side image. And I doubt CP is donating money to Obama's campaign.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:00 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


ascertain the identity of Jack the Rippe

Can you prove Barack Obama wasn't in London in the 1880s?
posted by The Whelk at 2:00 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


And yet these people are sure that Barack Obama is indeed the current President?

HOW DO THEY KNOW?!?
posted by mazola at 2:01 PM on March 1, 2012


See my previous comment

Claiming that Arizona is the South based on the fact that the Confederate government claimed it for less than a year (after invading it, mind you) is clearly just reaching to defend an incorrect statement. I've never met anyone who considered it the South or read anything that did. It just isn't.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 2:01 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


> It just isn't.

Well, there were slaves there, and it was part of the CSA. It's not the "South" like South Carolina or Alabama, but that doesn't mean it doesn't share in that heritage.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:02 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Plus it's where stupid comedy racism stories come from.
posted by Artw at 2:03 PM on March 1, 2012


"What could the next level of crazy be?"

I FOUND IT. It's, "Okay, MAYBE he was born in the US? But black people aren't "natural-born citizens" according to the Constitution."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:04 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


I challenge either one of you to produce evidence proving that Arizona actually exists. Everyone knows it's a Reptilian hoax.
posted by aramaic at 2:04 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


LET'S ENHANCE
posted by fifthrider


Oh man, awesome, for so many reasons:
* MacGyver asking "You got an image enhancer that can bitmap?" (?!?)
* Someone else invoking an eigenvalue, probably just because it sounded cool
* Wait, Sylar from Heroes was on 24?
* Wait wait, that was Jack Black playing the tech geek in Enemy of the State?! (Oh yeah, Jason Lee was in that too!)
posted by jsr1138 at 2:04 PM on March 1, 2012


Danf:
So, not that Obama will do much campaigning in Arizona, but if he steps into Maricopa County, he could be arrested.

That would be a lot of fun to watch!


Obama's 2008 campaign appearances, state-by-state (AZ was visited only 4 times, which is low compared to the 40 events in California, or 45 events in South Carolina, but more than the single appearances in Arkansas, Idaho, Kansas and Oklahoma).

And somehow, I doubt the secret service would let Arizona cops or sheriffs do much, but it would be an amusing dance.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:05 PM on March 1, 2012


"Okay, MAYBE he was born in the US? But black people aren't "natural-born citizens" according to the Constitution."

Bonus points for the use of the word "Mulatto".
posted by Artw at 2:06 PM on March 1, 2012


I am obliged to bring this up every time we get a birther thread, but the fact that Obama's mother was a US citizen, means he was born a US citizen. So:

If Obama was born in Kenya, it wouldn't matter.

If Obama was born in Indonesia, it wouldn't matter.

If Obama was born on the Moon, it would be awesome, but still wouldn't matter.

This assumes birthers respond to things like "facts" and "the US Legal Code."
posted by Panjandrum at 2:09 PM on March 1, 2012 [35 favorites]


Plus it's where stupid comedy racism stories come from.

See that was the reason I made my initial comment. Stupid comedy racism stories come from everywhere; calling anywhere a stupid racist story comes from "the South" is just a way for people to ignore the fact that there are just as many racists in their backyard as there are in Alabama.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 2:12 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


If Obama were born on the moon, Newt Gingrich would respect him more.
posted by drezdn at 2:14 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Wait wait, that was Jack Black playing the tech geek in Enemy of the State?! (Oh yeah, Jason Lee was in that too!)

And Seth Green!
posted by Zozo at 2:15 PM on March 1, 2012


Somewhere in Hawaii, a government bureaucrat emerges from the waves on his morning swim. He runs his fingers through his hair and gazes at the black-sand beach. Truly, he thinks, this will be a good day. Maybe he'll even take a long lunch at his favorite beachside diner? After all, there's nothing much happening back at the birth certificate office that requires his attention.

Miles away, in that very office, the voicemail notification light on his phone blinks ominously...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:15 PM on March 1, 2012 [19 favorites]


It's my understanding that the president can't be arrested while in office. It would be interesting/scary to see what would happen if they tried.
posted by drezdn at 2:16 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


>Arizona borders Mexico. That is not exactly the north.

Sheriff Joke is in charge of Maricopa county, which is 150 miles from the border. Remember the Pinal county Sheriff getting blasted by FOX news and the right for urging civility after Congresswoman Giffords was shoot shot last year? It's much saner closer to the border, in my opinion having lived in both counties.

Also I see on preview some discussion: The only time I've ever seen a Confederate flag flown in Arizona, it was resting against the Sheriff's command trailer with a line of neo-nazis sieg-heiling in front of it, and in front of them, with their backs to the racists, was a line of riot suited cops. They were standing on the jail's property. It was a peaceful human rights march, and most people (including lots of families,) marching in it were holding signs saying "we are human".
posted by Catblack at 2:17 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Can I ask a really stupid question? I just watched video two and they were talking about how different parts of the document was contained in different "layers" which they could turn on and off. Why is this? I thought the document they put up was just a JPEG, and they don't have layers, do they? And if not, why would those "layers" show up? Is it that the scanning software is dividing up the image into different parts or something?

I want to be clear: IN NO WAY do I believe any of this fucking bullshit, and I consider people who believe this conspiracy theory to be totally INSANE, and I think Joe Arpaio deserves to go to jail for the way he's treating his constituents. I'm just asking because I don't know anything about scanning or image processing software and I'm curious why that would happen.
posted by gkhan at 2:20 PM on March 1, 2012


Though I don't like Sheriff Arpaio or the things he stands for, I'd still like to offer my condolences to his wife and family.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:22 PM on March 1, 2012 [20 favorites]


gkhan, yeah, the layers thing made me repeat it a few times; I still have no idea what the fuck they are taking about. The White House released a photoshop file? Optimized? What? Made no sense at all. But then the people who would believe this 'evidence' aren't prone to troublesome things like critical thinking.
posted by Catblack at 2:25 PM on March 1, 2012


It's my understanding that the president can't be arrested while in office. It would be interesting/scary to see what would happen if they tried.

What is the Secret Service's job in this situation?
posted by shakespeherian at 2:26 PM on March 1, 2012


Layer explanation. They are just an artifact of the OCR software used to scan the physical copy.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:29 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


I am obliged to bring this up every time we get a birther thread, but the fact that Obama's mother was a US citizen, means he was born a US citizen. So:

If Obama was born in Kenya, it wouldn't matter.

If Obama was born in Indonesia, it wouldn't matter.

If Obama was born on the Moon, it would be awesome, but still wouldn't matter.

This assumes birthers respond to things like "facts" and "the US Legal Code."
posted by Panjandrum at 2:09 PM on March 1 [+] [!]


And John McCain was born in Panama so there's that.
posted by dibblda at 2:29 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


JUST SAY NO TO AGENDA HIGHJACKING. LET'S STAY FOCUSED ON HEALTHCARE, INCOME DISPARITY, THE CAPTIVE REGULATORY STATE, JOBS, THE ENVIRONMENT, AND OTHER REAL ISSUES.
posted by facetious at 2:29 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


f Obama was born in Kenya, it wouldn't matter.

If Obama was born in Indonesia, it wouldn't matter.

If Obama was born on the Moon, it would be awesome, but still wouldn't matter.

This assumes birthers respond to things like "facts" and "the US Legal Code."


According to Snopes :

"If only one parent was a U.S. citizen at the time of your birth, that parent must have resided in the United States for at least ten years, at least five of which had to be after the age of 16." Since Barack Obama only had one U.S. citizen parent (his mother), and his mother had not been residing in the U.S. for at least five years after the age of 16 when Barack was born (because she herself was only 18 at the time), then he's not a natural-born citizen."

But that provision only applies to someone born outside of the US - that's why the perseveration over Obama's birth certificate.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 2:30 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


The released document was a PDF, apparently it had some kind of OCRed text on it as well, and that OCRed text was split across several layers where the scanning software had gotten confused by backgrounds.
posted by Artw at 2:30 PM on March 1, 2012


...calling anywhere a stupid racist story comes from "the South" is just a way for people to ignore the fact that there are just as many racists in their backyard as there are in Alabama.

Damnit, again? Hmmm, I don't see them out the window, they must be hiding behind the compost bins.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 2:31 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


In short, the birth certificate was released as a PDF, not a jpeg; PDFs have layers. here's a copy of it if you care (although it's served over http, so it may be altered in transit with a lizard-person-in-the-middle attack).
posted by I've a Horse Outside at 2:32 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Can I ask a really stupid question? I just watched video two and they were talking about how different parts of the document was contained in different "layers" which they could turn on and off. Why is this? I thought the document they put up was just a JPEG, and they don't have layers, do they? And if not, why would those "layers" show up? Is it that the scanning software is dividing up the image into different parts or something?
I haven't actually looked at what they're saying yet, but from the little summaries I've seen, it looks to me like the same claims that came out more or less immediately after the birth certificate was released:

The birth certificate was (if I remember correctly) released as a PDF, which can have layers, and in fact this one did, which sent Orly Taitz and the crew into a tizzy (well, deeper into a tizzy). Shortly after that, non-birthers started showing that layers happen more or less as a matter of course; i.e. their existence does not imply any tampering or whatever. Even The National Review denounced the layer conspiracy.

Anyway, is my assumption justified? That is, this guy is essentially saying the same thing that Taitz said almost a year ago about the layers being indicative of tampering?
posted by Flunkie at 2:33 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Obama should call a press conference and say, "I agree that we should get to the bottom of this matter as quickly as possible. I therefore draft Joe Arpaio, America's Sheriff, as America's Questioner. He will get to the bottom of this and all mysteries affecting our great nation." The President will then unveil the Official Questioner Uniform, which must be worn at all times, even when Arpaio is not actively Questioning.

The curtain then goes up to reveal a giant hotdog costume.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:37 PM on March 1, 2012 [43 favorites]


It's my understanding that the president can't be arrested while in office.
Upon what is that understanding based? To be clear, I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm genuinely asking.
posted by Flunkie at 2:38 PM on March 1, 2012


Have we run out of things to say?
posted by Obscure Reference at 2:40 PM on March 1, 2012


Have we run out of things to say?

Yes. From now on, all responses to birther craziness must be presented in the form of an interpretive dance.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:44 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


Re: presidential protections from arrest. Senators and Representatives may only be arrested on charges of "treason, felony or breach of the peace" per the Constitution, but no such protection is given to the president.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:46 PM on March 1, 2012


According to Snopes :

"If only one parent was a U.S. citizen at the time of your birth, that parent must have resided in the United States for at least ten years, at least five of which had to be after the age of 16." Since Barack Obama only had one U.S. citizen parent (his mother), and his mother had not been residing in the U.S. for at least five years after the age of 16 when Barack was born (because she herself was only 18 at the time), then he's not a natural-born citizen."

But that provision only applies to someone born outside of the US - that's why the perseveration over Obama's birth certificate.


Panjandrum's link suggests (if I read it correctly) that one's US citizen parent needs to have been in the US or a possession for five years, at least two of which were after 14. But that may not have been the state of affairs in 1961 (and finding deprecated bits of the US Code online is hard, in my experience).
posted by hoyland at 2:47 PM on March 1, 2012


Right, hoyland, I was just about to say that. All praise the mighty preview.
posted by Panjandrum at 2:50 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


never used baby shoes: OK, look, let's slow down for a moment and consider how we can harness this to be a good thing. I submit that 250 people should ask the good Sherriff:
...
-ascertain the identity of Jack the Ripper;


The Whelk: Can you prove Barack Obama wasn't in London in the 1880s?

And "birth certificates" don't count.

-OR-

Nicolas Cage isn't the only undead celebrity.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:53 PM on March 1, 2012


But that may not have been the state of affairs in 1961 (and finding deprecated bits of the US Code online is hard, in my experience).

It was the state of affairs between 1952 and 1986. That is why I am a citizen by virtue of having been born to two US citizens outside of the US (though neither had resided in the US for the prescribed period), but my mother could be a citizen even though she was born outside of the US to only one parent who was a US citizen (she was born in 1946).
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:54 PM on March 1, 2012


robocop is bleeding: The curtain then goes up to reveal a giant hotdog costume.

With a shiny sheriff's star on the bun.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:54 PM on March 1, 2012


Screw the birth certificate issue, i have to know... what's the status of the MST3K crew??? Who's a crazy birther in that?? :(
posted by usagizero at 2:55 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


But that may not have been the state of affairs in 1961 (and finding deprecated bits of the US Code online is hard, in my experience).

According to Snopes, the part I quoted was the law in 1961. I tried to verify it, too, but my google-fu has failed us.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 2:56 PM on March 1, 2012


Has Adam Baldwin made a statement?
posted by Artw at 2:57 PM on March 1, 2012


Hmm, looks like he's busy morning Breitbart's passing.

DO NOT CLICK, FIREFLY FANS!
posted by Artw at 3:00 PM on March 1, 2012


Re: presidential protections from arrest. Senators and Representatives may only be arrested on charges of "treason, felony or breach of the peace" per the Constitution
That's only when they're attending a session of their house, or traveling to or from such a session.
posted by Flunkie at 3:01 PM on March 1, 2012


Artw, and here I was always thinking that the John Casey character in Chuck was a wonderful parody.

Poe's law and all.
posted by Hactar at 3:04 PM on March 1, 2012


Well, I see he's a fan of the Browning Automatic Rifle, so there's good and bad in everyone.
posted by Artw at 3:06 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Remember when Clinton dissolved the government and ruled the United States with his fleet of black helicopters and ATF agents?

The fact that you don't proves nothing.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:08 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


so there's good and bad in everyone.

So true. And we learn to live... learn to give each other what we need to survive, together alive.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:09 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


This is clearly a vice-presidential bid.

You must be joking. Regardless of his personal appearance (not conventionally attractive at all)F, dude is like 80 and in serious shit.

I even LIKE Schwartzenegger (personally, not as a politician).

Bizarro. It seems like he was a very reasonable governor, especially for the GOP. As a person, he seems like an asshole.

Arizona borders Mexico. That is not exactly the north.

So does California. ... Hmm, Orange County ... maybe you're right.

Bonus points for the use of the word "Mulatto".

Where I come from that gets you punched, not bonus points.

It's my understanding that the president can't be arrested while in office.

Your understanding seems flawed.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:09 PM on March 1, 2012


by Joey Michaels

I guess that's appropriate.

I continue to be perplexed by people who think that all their enemies must not be funny.
posted by michaelh at 3:11 PM on March 1, 2012


What a fucking moron. In charge of a whole squad of heavily armed morons even more moronic than he is.
posted by Saxon Kane at 3:15 PM on March 1, 2012


bakerina: "Hodgs"

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not the same Joel Hodgson. You really should make sure before you go devastating people like that.
posted by Red Loop at 3:15 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Republican candidates take on this:

Michelle Bachmann - of course he's Kenyan.
Newt Gingrich - I'm too smart to fall for this crap, but I'm willing to use it as an issue if it will get me votes.
Mitt Romney - this is ridiculous. Or else it isn't. I never said that.
Rick Santorum - I've read the Book of Life and Obama isn't in there.
Ron Paul - I refuse to comment on this lest someone discover I'm Venutian.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 3:17 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


bakerina: "Over on Facebook, Joel Hodgson - as in, MST3K, Cinematic Titanic Joel Hodgson - has taken a moment from his usual VOTE FOR RON PAUL, MAN stuff to link to the Arpaio story, saying that Arpaio makes a sound case.

*turns in Team Joel badge* *affixes Team Mike badge*
"

Not to pile on, but I'm curious, what if anything about this page made anyone think that it was the Joel Hodgson? For that matter, which, if any, of the other couple of dozen Joel Hodgsons appear to be the page of the Joel Hodgson?

That Ron Paul icon dude only has 9 subscribers for Torgo's sake!
posted by ob1quixote at 3:18 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]



It's my understanding that the president can't be arrested while in office.

Your understanding seems flawed.


Not really. It's a grey area, but most scholars think if the President committed a serious crime like murder while in office (I mean with his own hands, not with drones), he would have to be impeached and then tried for the crime itself.

If you recall the Bill Clinton impeachment/"sexual harassment" situation, there was some doubt whether a sitting president could even be named in a civil suit until they set the (IMO very questionable) precedent that he could.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:18 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


jsr1138: "LET'S ENHANCE
posted by fifthrider


Oh man, awesome, for so many reasons:
"

Have you by chance seen this askmefi answer?
posted by pwnguin at 3:19 PM on March 1, 2012


Can we please stay on topic? We're trying to sort out something important here.

Is the angry Ron Paul-loving Joel Hodgson really the same Joel Hodgson as the beloved MST3K Joel Hodgson?
posted by koeselitz at 3:21 PM on March 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


More importantly, is the angry Ron Paul-loving Joel Hodgson secretly a half-Kenyan, half-Hawaiian mulatto?
posted by delfin at 3:25 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


But that may not have been the state of affairs in 1961 (and finding deprecated bits of the US Code online is hard, in my experience).
It was the state of affairs between 1952 and 1986. That is why I am a citizen by virtue of having been born to two US citizens outside of the US (though neither had resided in the US for the prescribed period), but my mother could be a citizen even though she was born outside of the US to only one parent who was a US citizen (she was born in 1946).


Could y'all quite validating this crap by having a serious conversation about it?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:27 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Google Gizmonic Institute!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:27 PM on March 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


From the second (livestream) link:
The full video is here: We will be posting a slightly higher quality video that will be more watchable/faster as soon as it is posted.
If only it were that easy.
posted by mazola at 3:33 PM on March 1, 2012


It's interesting how adamant these birthers are about requiring solid proof on Obama's birth certificate, considering how casual they are about it on climate change and evolution.
posted by triggerfinger at 3:33 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Huh, so it looks like the Snopes article in question doesn't actually cite the "5 years post-16" as fact, but as part of the rumor. So it looks like that claim is total bullshit. They just didn't bother to directly refute it because, well, Barack was born in Hawaii.
posted by Panjandrum at 3:36 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


By the way, not sure how that quote got clipped above, but whatever. Not that anyone cares.

And yet, this useless clarification is still not as useless as Joe Pie-hole.

Joel Hodgson, however, is an entirely different matter. I had to jump in when I thought someone might be impugning Him and besmirching His name.
posted by Red Loop at 3:36 PM on March 1, 2012


t's interesting how adamant these birthers are about requiring solid proof on Obama's birth certificate, considering how casual they are about it on climate change and evolution.

Seems like the same thing to me. Most of the CC deniers I've heard basically claim there is no solid proof. Same kind of thing --- raise the bar on "proof" to an unreasonable level. Same with ID types --- claim evolution has no "proof".
posted by wildcrdj at 3:45 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


It's interesting how adamant these birthers are about requiring solid proof on Obama's birth certificate, considering how casual they are about it on climate change and evolution.

Huh? "The proof in front of us isn't enough, we need more" is their drumbeat on all three of these...
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:45 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


In other words, in all 3 cases they are denying what is sufficient evidence for most people by holding proof to an unreasonable standard. You can do this with _anything_, of course, so they must live their lives in a never-ending existential crisis. Can they _prove_ they exist? I didn't think so...
posted by wildcrdj at 3:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Joe Arpaio got too, too, too much posse.
posted by Hoopo at 3:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


You can do this with _anything_, of course

YOU HAVE NOT PROVEN THIS TO MY SATISFACTION

*goes hunting for sympathetic Rhetoric Ph.D.s*
posted by cortex at 3:56 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm totally in the mood for a Grande Caramel Mulatto now...
posted by WinnipegDragon at 3:58 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


I say the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo is a forgery, so Arizona is still part of Mexico. So Arpaio is a foreign agent, and his attacks against the US Government are an act of war.

Now prove me wrong. There is not a single living witness who can attest to the legitimacy of the Treaty.
posted by charlie don't surf at 3:59 PM on March 1, 2012 [24 favorites]


I've been on a jury. Believe me, there are some people who have reasonable doubt that the sun will rise tomorrow.
posted by mazola at 4:00 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


this looks like joel's real facebook profile. no posts. I'm pretty sure he's not a birther, or at least he hasn't posted anything about it.
posted by stavrogin at 4:07 PM on March 1, 2012


Thank God for Arizona, endless source of entertainment.
posted by double block and bleed at 4:08 PM on March 1, 2012


It's interesting how adamant these birthers are about requiring solid proof on Obama's birth certificate, considering how casual they are about it on climate change and evolution.

Huh? "The proof in front of us isn't enough, we need more" is their drumbeat on all three of these.


My thought process was sort of along the lines of birthers not accepting anything that is presented to them to show Obama was born in Hawaii but a story about God creating two people from the dust of the earth gets a free pass, despite absolutely no proof that it's real and okay I'll stop posting after I've had a very long day at work.
posted by triggerfinger at 4:13 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Believe me, there are some people who have reasonable doubt that the sun will rise tomorrow.

From a scientific standpoint, the abstract idea behind this is actually pretty interesting to explore — for one, the question underpins the difference between (and the application of) classical and Bayesian statistical inference.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:13 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of
Mississippi Arizona find yourself another country to be part of

-With apologies to Phil Ochs. (although I am almost sure it would be OK with him.)
posted by Danf at 4:14 PM on March 1, 2012


I think this video will really open a lot of peoples' eyes in regards to this whole "mulatto" thing.
posted by "Elbows" O'Donoghue at 4:24 PM on March 1, 2012


ericb: "Obama Team Makes Light Of Latest Birth Certificate Claims
"The issue of President Obama's birth certificate won't go away, so Obama's re-election team decided to have a little fun with it.

As an Arizona sheriff held a news conference claiming evidence that the birth certificate released in April is a fake, Obama campaign spokesman Ben LaBolt tweeted out what he called a 'live feed' of the presentation -- which turned out to be a clip of the theme song from the old science fiction series The X Files.

LaBolt also told Twitter followers 'birth certificate available here' -- and linked to an ad for an Obama coffee mug with the birth certificate emblazoned it."
"

Oh this is so what's needed--mockery. Mockery and laughter and pointing and doubling over, rolling on the floor. For idiots like Arapaio, getting angry at them just strengthens their resolve. Faced with being truly, genuinely laughed at, mocked, and considered a trifling bit of comedy will make anyone wither and shut the fuck up and go the fuck away. Comedians and small children excluded, of course.

Laughter and mockery is the best weapon, bar none.
posted by zardoz at 4:25 PM on March 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


Thank God for Arizona, endless source of entertainment.

As an Arizona resident all I can really say is...if you spent this much time out in the hot sun it would scramble your brain a bit too!
posted by TungstenChef at 4:30 PM on March 1, 2012


Honestly, I would still vote for Obama even if it turned out he was a lizard man born on Mars.
posted by empath at 4:36 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


Hmm, looks like he's busy morning Breitbart's passing.

DO NOT CLICK, FIREFLY FANS!


So when he was playing a douche bag on firefly he wasn't acting then?
posted by dibblda at 4:37 PM on March 1, 2012


I AM GETTING REALLY TIRED OF ALL THIS CASUAL LIZARDIST RACISM YOU GUYS
posted by elizardbits at 4:56 PM on March 1, 2012 [12 favorites]


Not Lizardist.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 5:00 PM on March 1, 2012


I'm 1/64th Lizard Princess.
posted by FatherDagon at 5:02 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Knew he was a right wing creep but may not be able to watch Firefly again :-(
posted by leslies at 5:03 PM on March 1, 2012


Knew he was a right wing creep but may not be able to watch Firefly again :-(

If its any consolation (and others with first hand experience may well contradict me here), the stories I've heard of fan encounters with Adam Baldwin have all suggested the dude is a total sweetheart. A right wing sweetheart, but a sweetheart none-the-less.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:07 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


I thought Jayne was an act. Guess not.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:10 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


I had this interesting moment when first hearing of what Arpaio's group had to say. I think it's reasonable to suppose it was at least partially enabled by my evolving feelings on Obama, and the perverse mishmash of feelings I have about him--to simplify, personal and historic sympathy but sociohistorical eye-rolling. So but for a few seconds I felt a sudden breach. I wondered earnestly--if it turned out this was all true, indeed Obama is not a citizen--how could I possibly continue to function? For, I could never trust the appearance of reality again: compared to the craziness of birther paranoia, a whole host of not just political, but philosophical, scientific, and religious issues become mere screens against which rivals project their phantoms. The dissolution of the republic's presidency, and the possibility of constitutional crisis and civil war, are actually pettinesses compared to the turmoil I suddenly imagined my understanding of the world was in. Though it fortunately lasted all of three seconds, punctuated (for all my affectation to equanimity) by a cry of "What horseshit!"
posted by adoarns at 5:27 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]



I thought Jayne was an act. Guess not.


Jayne is Animal Mother's Great Great Grandchild.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 5:34 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


I think the bigger question is why is Obama taking so long to enslave us at the behest of his lizard overlords.

Jeeze, give him a break. He hasn't even been able to confiscate all our guns yet, and he's got to do that first.


Mike Nelson is a bit of a neo-con crank.

No way!
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:39 PM on March 1, 2012


Jayne is Animal Mother's Great Great Grandchild

Yeah, I was going to say that Baldwin is an actor of, ahem, limited range. He's very good at one general thing and he keeps getting work with it. He's one of those guys in Hollywood where you go, "hey, it's that guy" without knowing his name.

Which kind of says more about what Hollywood thinks of the public than it does about Baldwin. Hollywood keeps using him not for his talent, but because he's become a kind of metaphorical shorthand for a specific character type. Other people could do what he does, but Hollywood would rather keep serving up comfort food because it thinks us people out here in Peoria are unable or unwilling to think very hard about things.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:43 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


That black guy just can't be president. He can't, he can't, he can't!
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:51 PM on March 1


He is - it's twue, it's twuuuuuuee!
posted by azpenguin at 5:44 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


To be fair, he's also pretty good at that one thing. I don't want every character to be Jayne Cobb, but as Jayne Cobbs go I can watch the hell out of Adam Baldwin.

I'm not gonna read his blog, but that's true for most folks' blogs.
posted by cortex at 5:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Bonus points for the use of the word "Mulatto".

Where I come from that gets you punched, not bonus points.


I could be wrong, but I think a pummeling is exactly the score keeping mechanism the original commenter had in mind. (But I'm still reeling from the MST3K revelations so what do I know.)
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 6:04 PM on March 1, 2012


it's twue, it's twuuuuuuee!

Madame, you are sucking on my arm.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:05 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


But I'm still reeling from the MST3K revelations so what do I know.

There's no actual evidence that Joel Hodgson the Ron Paul fan on Facebook is the same person as MST3K's Joel Hodgson. A Facebook search brings up at least three other Joel Hodgsons just on the first page.
posted by dirigibleman at 6:18 PM on March 1, 2012


*sigh*
If the justice department isn't going to get on with it, and the fat bugger won't have a coronary, won't someone please push him down the stairs?
posted by BlueHorse at 6:39 PM on March 1, 2012


Could y'all quite validating this crap by having a serious conversation about it?

Just clarifying a point on different criteria for US citizenship, and potentially, my own eligibility for the presidency. The point itself is tangential to Obama's eligibility for the presidency, as HE WAS BORN IN FUCKING HAWAII.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'll bet the Joel Hodgson for Ron Paul has an evil mustache.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


There's going to be a lot of this. It's not going to come from mainstream candidates, but the right wing noise machine is in hysterical overdrive. Obama isn't really American. Obama hates Catholics. Obama isn't a Christian. Contraception advocates are sluts. This is coming from powerful and nationally recognized figures representing Republican ideals.

How can any moderate or undecided look at that heaving, sordid mess and think it's any kind of way forward? Meanwhile, the Democrats are talking up economic progress, corporate excess and profiteering, middle class values and letting the GOP eviscerate itself.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:53 PM on March 1, 2012


Faced with being truly, genuinely laughed at, mocked, and considered a trifling bit of comedy will make anyone wither and shut the fuck up and go the fuck away.
that is not something i would count on
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 7:13 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


*picture of Joe Arpaio*

OBEY


ascertain the identity of Jack the Rippe

?
Did you mean, ascertain the the identity of Jack the Snipe
posted by Smedleyman at 7:14 PM on March 1, 2012


also a MST3K person being a libertarian is about as surprising as a South Park person being a libertarian
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 7:16 PM on March 1, 2012


I'll bet the Joel Hodgson for Ron Paul has an evil mustache.

Is there any other kind?
posted by Rangeboy at 7:18 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Ironic mustaches aren't evil.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:26 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Don't you have defamation laws in the USA? Isn't it about time Obama started to lay down some smack on these morons?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:57 PM on March 1


He's a public figure. If he sued he would have to show actual malice.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:28 PM on March 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Yeah, we love of freedom of speech. Well, unless you want to go undercover to look at a farm.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:32 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Over on Facebook, Joel Hodgson - as in, MST3K, Cinematic Titanic Joel Hodgson - has taken a moment from his usual VOTE FOR RON PAUL, MAN stuff to link to the Arpaio story, saying that Arpaio makes a sound case.

*turns in Team Joel badge* *affixes Team Mike badge*


Oh shit, really? I am seriously, seriously upset to learn this about Joel Hodgson.

Gonna go pour a 40 out. And by out I mean down my throat.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 7:41 PM on March 1, 2012


OnTheLastCastle: “Oh shit, really? I am seriously, seriously upset to learn this about Joel Hodgson.”

As we've said up above (although this is a huge thread, so one may have missed it) –

No, not really. There is no verification that that Joel Hodgson is in fact the Joel Hodgson. So far it looks like they're just two different guys with different names, with two different Facebook pages that don't link to each other at all.
posted by koeselitz at 7:44 PM on March 1, 2012


Mike Nelson was still be better host, all politics aside. There, I said it.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:46 PM on March 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


President Obama could be proven to be a Nigerian citizen that is solely responsible for all the spam coming out of that country and I would probably still vote for him.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:48 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


Yeah, I'm all chastened and shit for cheering the death of Breitbart, a major league bully if there ever was one. But damn do I look forward to the day I open MeFi and discover Arpaio has died, almost as much as I look forward to the passing of Rush Limbaugh, hopefully sooner rather than later, probably from choking on his own bile.

I look at these guys and wonder how they have stayed alive this long, with their bloated angry red faces and seeming constantly on the verge of aneurysm. I mean, Arpaio and Limbaugh must eat a steak every night to look the way they do, and they look like they've never had to walk more than about 30 feet in one go.

I'm hoping it's long lingering and uncomfortable final scene for both of them, and not too long from now. Natural. But not the easy kind of natural. And I hope they both get nurses and doctors of color in their final hours, and are conscious enough to be aware of how much shit they said over the years, and that this leaves them wondering whether those brown-skinned docs and nurses are actually making any real effort to save their sorry asses.

I hope one of those nurses is Mexican, and she gets to lean over Arpaio's deathbed and say "Adios chingado."

Hannity too.

I'm all out of liberal compassion. I have no pity or generous sentiment for racist bullies.
posted by spitbull at 8:13 PM on March 1, 2012 [11 favorites]


> Huh, so it looks like the Snopes article in question doesn't actually cite the "5 years post-16" as fact, but as part of the rumor. So it looks like that claim is total bullshit. They just didn't bother to directly refute it because, well, Barack was born in Hawaii.

Look, this is a stupid and irrelevant argument, but Snopes is correct, and you don't need a Westlaw subscription to verify for yourself. Click on the "Notes" tab of the Cornell US Code site you linked to before. In 1986, that provision was amended as follows: "1986—Subsec. (g). Pub. L. 99–653 substituted "five years, at least two" for "ten years, at least five"." This is perhaps the only part of the birthers' argument that isn't rooted in fantasy. Or gum-ball machine robot puppets, apparently :'-(.
posted by stopgap at 8:32 PM on March 1, 2012


I think a quick scan of the Birther/Ron Paulite Joel Hodgson fb page makes it abundantly evident that it is NOT MST3K Joel Hodgson. His posts are full of spelling and grammatical errors. MST3K Joel Hodgson is smart and articulate, and I really doubt he'd write posts as dumbfuck sounding as

"We are bout to be drug into WW3 with Iran, by proxy of Syria. There is nothing there as of yet to worry about. Why didn't go to war with Pak, India or N. Korea over there actually building nukes?"

or

"Yes he should. This is a assault. As Zombie Muhammad was using his freedom of speech. For a judge to basically say, if you are a "Muslim" and you offended, violence is a legal option."

So please, let's not slander the Good Joel's name any more. Can we put something on the front page sidebar about this to make sure the word gets out? Maybe a livestream press release?
posted by Saxon Kane at 8:56 PM on March 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Oh, friends.

First things first: I apologize for making a pretty strong-meat post accusing Joel Hodgson being a hardcore Ron Paul fan/birther weirdo, and then not even sticking around for the conversation. In my defense -- not that it's much of a defense -- I offer the following:

1. For the past few months, I've been following Mary Jo Pehl's fan page -- and yes, if it isn't Mary Jo Pehl, someone's doing a stellar impression of her. (But I'm pretty sure it's her, because she talks a lot about Cinematic Titanic and life in Austin and her recently-published book, which is highlarious and everyone should go buy a copy right now.) One day I notice a link to "Joel Hodgson." It appears to be a fan page (the kind you "like") as opposed to a personal page (the kind to which you "send friend request"). The fan page indicates that Joel is an actor and writer. I "like" it. I honestly can't remember if I found a personal page for Joel. No, really. Normally I'm good at fact-checking and due diligence and all that spiffy stuff, but my memory is just failing me here.

2. So I'm following this page I've liked for a few months, and there's some stuff about Cinematic Titanic, with a little bit of Ron Paul stuff sprinkled in. Of course I think that Joel's just having a little fun with us because, dude, Joel. He's a smart guy. Has a puckish sense of humor. All that good stuff. A few people even ask: "Say, Joel, are you just having us on with this Ron Paul stuff?" The one response I remember to that question is pretty coy, something like "Hey, my profile pic speaks for itself." Said profile pic is of a Jedi with Ron Paul's face superimposed.

3. One day, I discover that I can't leave comments for Joel; I can only read them. Other people are leaving comments for Joel, though. All of the previous Cinematic Titanic posts are gone. It's all Ron Paul, all the time. I'm in deep denial. No, this can't be the same Joel. Is there a different Joel Hodgson, actor/writer? Has Joel's page been hacked? Is Joel pranking us on a deep, deep, superdeep level? It can't be the same Joel...only Mary Jo Pehl has a new post up, and "Joel Hodgson" has liked it. I click on the link. It goes to the Ron Paul Jedi page. I wonder if my brain is actually broken.

4. Which brings us to today. It's Day 3 of the California Bar Exam. It's nearing the end of lunch break and the beginning of the last session of the test. I'm sitting on the floor of the Oakland Convention Center, outside of the testing area, along with 1,200 other sad, nervy people who just want this shit over with already. I pull out my phone to catch up on the blue, pick up my email, maybe check Facebook (where I get sucked in to all the Breitbart news). And then I see that "Joel Hodgson" has linked to that Arpaio thing...and that was the sound of my brain breaking. Of course I should have stopped, and thought REALLY long and hard before saying anything. Because it still feels utterly ridiculous to think that Our Joel could be such a nut. But I had been reading "Joel Hodgson's" page for a few months now, and I kept looking for anything that would say "YES, I'M HIM" or "NO, I'M NOT HIM" or "I'VE BEEN BUSTED BY THE REAL JOEL HODGSON, I'M A DIFFERENT GUY AND I'VE NEVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH CINEMATIC TITANIC" and it just wasn't there. And I could swear that once upon a time, it was.

So now it's 9:30 p.m. in San Jose, and I'm back at home, reading and laughing my way through the thread...and then I read the comments stating "bakerina, dude, how can you confuse this semi-literate loser with Our Joel?", and I facepalm over and over and over again. Because they're right.

So I'll say this. I would love, love, love to be wrong about Joel. Hell, I've wanted to be wrong about Joel for a few months now. If Our Joel is not an angry, disingenuous nut with poor spelling, nobody will be happier than I will. I will apologize, profusely. I will personally send a jar of precious unguents to every theatre at which Cinematic Titanic appears. I'll write tributes to Joel in blank verse. I'll prepare for him the Green Bean, Fried Onion and Mushroom Soup Casserole of Contentment, which brings the eater happiness that only hot dish can bring. (And then I'll blame the State Bar of California. And the Lizard People. In conjunction with the RAND Corporation and the Reverse Vampires.)

I still want to keep my Team Mike badge, though. Because as I've said before, any neocon who can make fun of B-1 Bob Dornan in Starfighters is my kind of neocon.

Seriously, you guys. Such a lapse in judgment on my part. I'm sorry.
posted by bakerina at 9:49 PM on March 1, 2012 [15 favorites]


Seriously, you guys. Such a lapse in judgment on my part. I'm sorry.
posted by bakerina at 9:49 PM on March 1 [+] [!]


flagged for huuuuuuuuugs it's all right
posted by FatherDagon at 9:52 PM on March 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


If this whole thing blows over, I'll buy you a coke.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:04 PM on March 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


If you randomly stop scrolling on this page you are guaranteed some excellent punnage. Read this on the bbc just now - jeez BBC, wtf?
posted by marienbad at 10:50 PM on March 1, 2012


The Republican choice last go-around was voted on by Congress to be declared "Native Born" - so why the drama?

If the Republicans want him gone, pick on any of the actions he's taken that are Unconstitutional* and just have yourself a good old fashioned impeachment.

*There is bound to be one or two. The Blue had arguments over what Bush II did which was unconstitutional and President Obama has carried on with similar tactics - so lets assume there is one or two ok?
posted by rough ashlar at 4:29 AM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Over on Facebook, Joel Hodgson - as in, MST3K, Cinematic Titanic Joel Hodgson - has taken a moment from his usual VOTE FOR RON PAUL, MAN stuff to link to the Arpaio story, saying that Arpaio makes a sound case.

Where is the Andrew Breitbart is dead outrage?

Conservative writer and website publisher Andrew Breitbart died of natural causes at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center about midnight, sources told The Times. The exact cause of death was unclear, said the sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the case was ongoing.
posted by rough ashlar at 4:33 AM on March 2, 2012


Why did I pick today to stop drinking?
posted by Not The Stig at 4:47 AM on March 2, 2012


You may not want to pick today to stop sniffing glue. (I certainly don't.)

Disclaimer for the event that I eventually become admitted to the CA Bar and my entire online life becomes fair game for professional responsibility review purposes: This is a joke based on the 1980 comedy motion picture Airplane! I do not actually sniff glue, nor have I ever sniffed glue, nor do I intend to start. I guess this means I have to say goodbye to exaggerated, hyperbolic humor about substance abuse. Thanks a lot, State Bar of California.
posted by bakerina at 7:28 AM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Also, gas in a can is way cheaper than glue...
posted by marienbad at 8:15 AM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


bakerina, don't worry so much. I know one guy who got arrested and convicted of stalking and harassment, I didn't think he could take the CA bar exam, let alone pass it. But today he is a member of the bar.

I mean seriously, look at Orly Taitz. She didn't get hauled before a bar review until she pissed off enough judges to get a $20k fine for contempt of court, and she refused to pay it. So people started sending complaints to the State Bar. She still refuses to pay the fine, and what happened to her? Nothing. She's still abusing the legal system with frivolous bullshit.
posted by charlie don't surf at 8:35 AM on March 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Thanks, charlie don't surf. I promise that my tongue was (mostly) in cheek when I wrote that. Still, those Career Service "Think about what your online presence means for your future employment prospects" memos have a way of working their insidious magic.

As for Orly Taitz, I'm trying to figure out how the hell she passed the bar exam in the first place. A law school friend, upon reading one of Orly's many wacky-ass motions, put it this way: "I keep trying to figure out what school of Constitutional interpretation she follows, and the best I can come up with is 'Cubist.'"
posted by bakerina at 8:59 AM on March 2, 2012 [6 favorites]


Obama adds birth certificate to Facebook Timeline.
posted by ericb at 1:37 PM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sorry I Said Your Mom Had Sex with a Dog, Judge Writes in Letter to Obama
posted by homunculus at 2:05 PM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I really wanted to buy one of those mugs but they're $22. $22 for a coffee mug? I know you're fundraising, Barack, but Jesus.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:07 PM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Ironic mustaches aren't evil.

i disagree with this
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 1:04 AM on March 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


Arpaio is the worst kind of fuckface.

OK, I'll bite. What's the best kind of fuckface?


$20, same as in town.
posted by msalt at 3:04 PM on March 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


I was thinking that I should have said "Arpaio is the fuckface's fuckface."
posted by Burhanistan at 3:07 PM on March 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


Arpaio gives fuckfaces a bad name.
posted by Saxon Kane at 7:36 AM on March 5, 2012


Arpaio is the worst kind of fuckface.

OK, I'll bite. What's the best kind of fuckface?

$20, same as in town.


Actually, Billy Ripken looks to be currently priced just under 20 bucks at $18.99.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:04 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


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