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I'd hug you if I had arms
May 9, 2012 12:15 PM   Subscribe

Feel better with the support of a calming manatee
posted by superquail (42 comments total) 43 users marked this as a favorite

 
Maybe this belongs in the other manatee thread.
posted by modernserf at 12:20 PM on May 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is really...calming. I like.
posted by notsnot at 12:23 PM on May 9, 2012


Some folks may also enjoy Your Beluga Best Friend.
posted by Madamina at 12:26 PM on May 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, the huge manatee.
posted by rdc at 12:28 PM on May 9, 2012 [8 favorites]


My wife and I have a number of stuffed animals I would really rather not admit in public (even for a limited value of public), and some of them have taken on various roles over the years, i.e. "I'm sick, I need Nurse Panda" or "Oh, you're watching a game, I should bring you the aardvark, he's such a sportsfan."

I'm guessing our stuffed manatee will become a "calming manatee" soon.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:29 PM on May 9, 2012 [43 favorites]


Oh, the huge manatee.

*milksnort*
posted by Doleful Creature at 12:31 PM on May 9, 2012


OH, THE HUGE MANATEE!
posted by tzikeh at 12:37 PM on May 9, 2012 [10 favorites]


"Just take some deep breaths"? That is not good advice, manatee; you are underwater.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:39 PM on May 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


Not one of these manatees has a bucket.
posted by gubo at 12:48 PM on May 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


I love love love love love manatees. It is my fondest wish to hug one someday. (And with my father being a police chief in Florida, I'm sort of surprised I haven't already.)

I am having a stressful afternoon. Thank you, manatees, for making it nicer.
posted by Kitteh at 12:53 PM on May 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


Now it's LOLManatees?
posted by TedW at 12:54 PM on May 9, 2012


"Don't listen to your jerk brain. You are smart and pretty" is my new AskMe answer to everything.
posted by snickerdoodle at 1:06 PM on May 9, 2012 [9 favorites]


For some inexplicable reason I kept getting "You're right - they're all jerks" with far more frequency than the others, so I'll take this as the universe telling me I was right to throw that chair across the bar.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:22 PM on May 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


> Not one of these manatees has a bucket.

(Elephant seal)
posted by Burhanistan at 1:25 PM on May 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


Not one of these manatees has a bucket.

(bukkit)
posted by elizardbits at 1:31 PM on May 9, 2012 [6 favorites]


"I'll go get some wine" followed by "tell me all about it". I love you, Calming Manatee.

This is the best! Manatees are my most-favorite animals, even ahead of walruses.

(Also, is there a way to favorite Bulgaroktonos's comment more than once? Because I would like to.)
posted by sc114 at 1:35 PM on May 9, 2012


I believe in the basic goodness of huge manatees. Now, humanity, that's another thing.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:35 PM on May 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Manatees are really adorable
posted by livinglearning at 1:35 PM on May 9, 2012


My wife and I have a number of stuffed animals I would really rather not admit in public (even for a limited value of public), and some of them have taken on various roles over the years, i.e. "I'm sick, I need Nurse Panda" or "Oh, you're watching a game, I should bring you the aardvark, he's such a sportsfan."

Your guys should meet our friends Guy the French Dragon, Super Blue Bear (he has a cape), Sad Tiger, and Jemaine the Kiwi (obv). We are six. Get over it.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:40 PM on May 9, 2012 [5 favorites]


This link does an excellent job of unrustling my jimmies.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:54 PM on May 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Your guys should meet our friends Guy the French Dragon, Super Blue Bear (he has a cape), Sad Tiger, and Jemaine the Kiwi (obv). We are six. Get over it.

Oh shit, whatever, I'll do a list:

Duckie (duck, obviously)
Paddington (Bear)
Sir Reginald (Panda bear) (named after the fake name that Little John gives in the Disney Robin Hood movie)
Belinda (Manatee)
Harold (Aardvark)
Serpentor (Sea Monster) (named after leader of Cobra)
Mr. Chicken (elephant)
Lelephant (elephant)
Humboldt (squid)
Wimbledon (cow)
Albertus Piggus (Flying Pig)

and two without formal names:
Goomba
Monkey

Somehow, I've managed to draw the line and keep all but four of these from actually sleeping in the bed with us. It's been quite a struggle.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:55 PM on May 9, 2012 [7 favorites]


I worked a job in Coco Beach, Florida once that required me to scuba dive down to around ten feet underwater and tinker on something there for about 30 minutes at a time over the course of four hours or so. It just happened that there were a large number of manatees nearby that day, drinking at the hose someone had left running into the water. Every so often while I was working, a manatee would get curious about what I was doing, and slowly float up behind me and stroke the back of my head with its large, prehensile lips. This would startle me of course, not having seen it coming, and I would scream under water and turn around in a panic to see an adorably startled-looking manatee backing away from me and seeming to say with its tiny eyes, "Oh! Oh, jeez, dude - sorry! I had no idea!" I'd laugh at it and apologize to it, then turn back around and get back to work.

Those things are adorable.

Incidentally, Manatees absolutely adore drinking from a fresh water hose when they're in a high saline environment. They'll come from some distance to get at it, then jostle each other for control of it until they've slaked their thirst. It's pretty damned cute to watch.
posted by Pecinpah at 2:08 PM on May 9, 2012 [20 favorites]


Nice pictures, but an awful lot of these seem to be devoted to women and body image.
posted by Stagger Lee at 2:36 PM on May 9, 2012


Manatee O manatee,
My bovine beauty of the sea,
O won't you come and marry me,
My warm and flaccid manatee.
posted by benzenedream at 2:39 PM on May 9, 2012 [7 favorites]


Self Link!
posted by Danf at 2:43 PM on May 9, 2012


Manatee sweet manatee,
Your mustache bristles tickle me
In places no one ever sees
My soft and loving manatee!
posted by Pistache at 2:57 PM on May 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


It's DUGONG... Dr. DUGONG!
posted by KokuRyu at 3:01 PM on May 9, 2012


I'm sick, I need Nurse Panda

I just had a hilarrible vision of myself as a dementia-addled senior in my flying spacebed shouting NURSE PANDA WHERE ARE MY MEDS.
posted by elizardbits at 3:01 PM on May 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


I went (was taken, really) to Disney World as a teen. For me, the day at Epcot handily beat the other parks. In particular, witnessing the best possible job in the world. There was a Disney employee who got to sit on the side of the manatee tank, clad in a wetsuit. They talked to people about the manatees (all three of which had been hit by propellers, and were being cared for at Epcot), and from time to time, she would feed the manatees an assortment of vegetables, and pet them.

Of course, the dream faded when I found out about the requirements in marine biology, but I still can't think of a better job, especially as I'm currently sardined into a train with half of Chiba on my way to work. Calming manatee has reached me at just the right moment.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:11 PM on May 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh shit, whatever, I'll do a list:

Duckie (duck, obviously)
Paddington (Bear)
Sir Reginald (Panda bear) (named after the fake name that Little John gives in the Disney Robin Hood movie)
Belinda (Manatee)
Harold (Aardvark)
Serpentor (Sea Monster) (named after leader of Cobra)
Mr. Chicken (elephant)
Lelephant (elephant)
Humboldt (squid)
Wimbledon (cow)
Albertus Piggus (Flying Pig)

and two without formal names:
Goomba
Monkey


You have neglected Francis the baby penguin who is currently Animal-in-Residence in my second grade classroom.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 3:25 PM on May 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


Oh, the Hugh Manatee!
posted by matt_od at 3:32 PM on May 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


I remember reading a sports article where the writer travelled to somewhere in Florida to be a mascot for an inning or two, possibly a full game. The team mascot was a manatee, particularly, Hugh Manatee. There was some sort of promotion going on at the time, called the Bonfire of the Manatees (no Manatees were immolated), and the article itself was pretty good, about the difficulties of being a mascot, getting the crowd involved, and the terror of being handed a baby for a picture, and trying to figure out how to hold a tiny, fragile human being with soft fuzzy flippers where your hands were supposed to be.

Easily the best part of the article was that the journalist was given the costume to take back to his motel room, and the head was just sitting on the bed, looking at the camera.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:23 PM on May 9, 2012


Ghidorah, that might well have been the Brevard Manatees minor league baseball team (I live in Brevard county).
posted by misha at 5:25 PM on May 9, 2012


Party with a manatee!
posted by misha at 5:28 PM on May 9, 2012


Note: the Manatees' mascot used to be named Hugh. However, he has been renamed Manny now that they are not affiliated with the Marlins.

I don't know why.
posted by misha at 5:31 PM on May 9, 2012


Do manatees have manators?
posted by Jode at 7:06 PM on May 9, 2012


Isn't it speculated that horny frustrated sailors of antiquity would have... congress... with manatees and dugongs, giving rise to the myth of sirens?
posted by porpoise at 7:55 PM on May 9, 2012


I keep trying to tell people that manatees are actually savage killers and the real perpetrators of 'shark' attacks instead of being threatened species due to habitat depletion as well danger from waterway action by humans. It doesn't work, because they're so cute and cuddly and when people are watching they're all munch munch munch on plants instead of using their retractable poison fangs to disembowel their prey before making creepy bowerbird-style houses under the sea with the bones.

That's okay, manatees! I'm onto your deadly game. And one day, you'll slip up, and I'll be there with the news crew and this whole 'manatees are the adorable mammals who need protection from careless boaters or swimmers (PDF)' will be exposed as the self-serving fantasy that it is! They even encourage people to adopt one for Mother's Day, when we all know that manatees eat mothers and every other kind of person with giddy delight!
posted by winna at 9:12 PM on May 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


When I was a kid, my folks had a cabin near where a spring fed river flowed into the ocean. The manatees loved the little cove, and would hang out there a lot. I never worried about swimming at night, cause somehow I knew the manatees kept me safe. Sea cows are just about the grooviest wild animals I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I'm taking my son there this summer, and hope to see some of my old friends swimming.
posted by dejah420 at 5:23 AM on May 10, 2012


As long as we're derailing with tales of our stuffed animals...

I have a cuddly stuffed Opus that I found at a yard sale years ago. A friend of mine made a tiny needle-felted Klaus Nomi who sits perched next to him on our computer table. I frequently imagine the two of them talking about men's formal wear in my absence.
posted by pxe2000 at 6:42 AM on May 10, 2012


All stuffed animals are named Klaus Kinski in these parts. No exceptions.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:39 AM on May 10, 2012


Thanks! The calming manatee is working it's soothing effect on all my co-workers as it goes viral on our intranet.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:28 AM on May 10, 2012


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