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For Kristen Bell, every anniversary is the 16th
July 6, 2012 1:59 PM   Subscribe

The 15th anniversary is big metal chickens. The 16th anniversary is sloths, wallabies, and hedgehogs.
posted by dirigibleman (48 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 
NO ONE RUIN THIS SLOTH.
posted by The Whelk at 2:01 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Ha! That's awesome. Victor is a saint. :)
posted by zarq at 2:02 PM on July 6, 2012


Fantastic update.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:02 PM on July 6, 2012


The big metal egg would have been glorious, though.
posted by elizardbits at 2:06 PM on July 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


You know you're going to need to watch it: Kristen Bell and the sloth.
posted by EvaDestruction at 2:06 PM on July 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


The insane are not like you and me, are they?
posted by Kitteh at 2:07 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


This . . . does not sound like present for Victor.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 2:08 PM on July 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


So amazing. Bookmarking for later enjoyment.
posted by arnicae at 2:15 PM on July 6, 2012


Love Jenny. I ran out and got "Knock knock, motherfucker" bath towels on her inspiration.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 2:17 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Ant farms aren't in the same league, are they?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:22 PM on July 6, 2012


So where's the hedgehog pics? Enough sloths & wallabies. I want see a damn hedgehog.
posted by scalefree at 2:28 PM on July 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Jenny Lawson's book LET'S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED was one of my best reads of the year.
posted by Peach at 2:29 PM on July 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


I remember these people from that chicken post!

I really like those pictures of the sloth, because it's rare that I get to see how they act and look with people. So that part was really cool.

But this woman's writing style is so so painful for me to read. It's so breathless, and there are too many commas and (meaningless) thoughts packed into each sentence. I can't make it all the way through anything that uses "...and then he was all...".

I bet the woman who wrote this has called her supper "noms" before, and I simply can't abide that sort of thing.

God that sloth is awesome looking though.
posted by broadway bill at 2:29 PM on July 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Hedgehog pictures
posted by brainmouse at 2:32 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Does anyone know if sloths make legitimately good pets? My wife is slightly obsessed with them, and, you know, they seem pretty chill. I'm not entirely opposed to the idea...
posted by Dr. Wu at 2:34 PM on July 6, 2012


No! Sloths do not make good pets! They are wild animals who exist very happily in the rainforest surrounded by rainforest things... not in homes. There is no good way to replicate a sloth's environment and diet. Take your wife to volunteer at a sloth sanctuary or watch them at a local zoo. Donate for sloth conservation. Don't take wild animals as pets. That's what domestication is for.
posted by ChuraChura at 2:43 PM on July 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


Take your wife on a vacation to the sloth sanctuary in Costa Rica instead, dude. Wild animals are not pets.

also you get to hug about 20 sloth babies at once there, your wife will think you are the raddest dude ever
posted by elizardbits at 2:43 PM on July 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


HUG FOR A WHILE.

HUG FOREVER.
posted by The Whelk at 2:44 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Kitteh wrote: The insane are not like you and me, are they?

They have more joy.
posted by Joe in Australia at 2:44 PM on July 6, 2012 [6 favorites]


Sloooooooo







oooo







ooth!
posted by subbes at 2:46 PM on July 6, 2012


This is better than the chicken, because it can go back.

You would think the husband would just assume she was messing with him at all times by now, though. A
posted by emjaybee at 2:54 PM on July 6, 2012


Jenny's so out there Victor may have been thinking "Oh no, she's really done it this time.... No wait, this is a prank..... No, I think she's serious.... No it's a joke... No, wait...."
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 3:04 PM on July 6, 2012


The glee on her daughter's face is just perfect. Totally makes me want to rent a sloth.
posted by sonika at 3:23 PM on July 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


I want see a damn hedgehog

So, little Jimmy goes to school one day and tells his teacher 'Miss, I think we're getting a hedgehog at home". His teacher replies, "Really, Jimmy? What makes you think that?". And Jimmy tells her, "Well, I was in bed last night and I heard mum and dad talking. And I think Mum said 'look, just do the damn dishes and I'll give you a hedgehog'".

I ask my wife for hedgehogs all the time.
posted by tim_in_oz at 3:34 PM on July 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


also you get to hug about 20 sloth babies at once there, your wife will think you are the raddest dude ever

At least when I was there a couple years ago, you were not allowed to touch the babies. Adults, yes.
posted by flaterik at 3:37 PM on July 6, 2012


For days and days among the trees
I sleep and dream and doze
Just gently swaying in the breeze
Suspended by my toes
While eager beavers overhead
Rush through the undergrowth
I watch the clouds beneath my feet;
How sweet to be a Sloth.
posted by Bromius at 3:37 PM on July 6, 2012 [7 favorites]


Ever since the giant metal chicken... situation last year, I've been following her blog pretty obsessively.

She is a fantastically funny person, and the descriptions of her interactions with her husband and fans always leaves me laughing and thrilled that she is getting the kind of publicity she now seems to be enjoying.

I approve of sloths as anniversary presents. It just makes sense.
posted by quin at 3:40 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I have been somewhat afflicted today by the earnestness of others. I loved this post!
posted by Anitanola at 3:56 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


At least the sloth won't run away and make your parents concoct a cover story about it going to live on a farm.

In fact, it won't run at all. Ever.
posted by tommasz at 4:49 PM on July 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


I had a pet hedgehog, briefly, as a kid. It lived in the garden for a while.

I'm not sure how good wallabies are as pets. There must be a reason I have never, ever known anyone in an Australian city to keep one around the house.

But at least it won't fuck you up like a full-sized 'roo will. Probably
posted by Mezentian at 6:11 PM on July 6, 2012


Sloth photobomb
posted by homunculus at 6:54 PM on July 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Attention Lexica:

Next year is 15.

Love ya!
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 8:29 PM on July 6, 2012


I just want to make sure I understand this, because I remember the giant metal chicken incident and didn't think a real person could be that cruel. So, this lady makes a habit of torturing her husband with her bad choices (or "pranks")...and y'all are amused by this?
posted by cabingirl at 8:47 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'll second the recommendation for Let's Pretend This Never Happened. It's a wonderful book.

cabingirl - I think you (like some other folks in the original giant chicken thread) may be taking Jenny's shtick too seriously. Based on what I can tell from regular reading of her blog and from her book, Jenny is a pretty awesome person and she and Victor have a very good marriage. Her stories are just funnier when she portrays Victor as the straight man to her wackiness.
posted by tdismukes at 8:56 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


BTW - some of us husbands would love to get a giant metal chicken or a wallaby for our anniversary. I just think it's cruel that I have to wait another 7 years to get my giant metal chicken.
posted by tdismukes at 8:58 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


One should maybe not take the stories told by a humor blogger literally.
posted by dirigibleman at 9:13 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Slightly off topic, but I have to put a warning out there for anyone thinking of getting a hedgehog for a pet, don't.

My girlfriend has one, its the most foul tempered beast I have ever laid eyes on. I think the first time I met it it was hanging by its fangs from my girlfriends forearm while she patiently bled and waited for it to decide to let go (so as not to break its teeth or tear her skin). It was a rescue hedgehog, so I don't suspect it was socialized properly, but they aren't exactly fully domesticated.

Other than that though, man they are neat looking, their legs are actually like 3 inches long so when they want to motor they pop up like they are on hydraulics and run. Also they can curl into a ball while hissing and clicking, and trying to impale you with the thickened spines on their head.
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 9:45 PM on July 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: It was a rescue hedgehog, so I don't suspect it was socialized properly.
posted by Etrigan at 9:48 PM on July 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


The thing about hedgehogs, at least the pygmy hedgehogs that are available as pets, is that they are just really stupid. They default very quickly to a "fear" reaction, and that's when they display their amazing ability to turn into a sphere of sharp, pointy pain. And there's also that thing they do that means there's a better-than-otherwise chance that any stabbings you get will wind up infected.

I had one roll down my leg once, which I think is what inspired me to call him a "freaking pet caltrop". Also, I don't know how common it is, but this one figured out how to jump at you and curl into a spikeball on the way up. Luckily, he couldn't jump very high.

On the other hand, he was super friendly (for a hedgehog). With some patience and coaxing, you could get him to uncurl for you, and you could pet him and he'd sniff at you and be cute and stuff.

Oh yeah, and they're insectivores, so you'd be shopping in the crawly-food section of the pet store.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 10:13 PM on July 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


The thing about hedgehogs, at least the pygmy hedgehogs that are available as pets, is that they are just really stupid.
Come to think of it that makes a lot of sense. We set her last hedgehog loose in the bathtub with about 20 crickets. The cricket vangard were devoured mercilessly, but the rearguard got wise and started hiding in the only dark place available. Directly under the hedgehogs belly. Kind of endearing watching him hunt for the crickets that he knew were there, but just couldn't find, while the crickets shuffled along like pilot fish.
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 10:46 PM on July 6, 2012 [6 favorites]


Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey: "Attention Lexica:

Next year is 15.

Love ya!
"

You've been denying me a llama for this long, you think I'm letting you get a sloth? No freaking way, buddy.
posted by Lexica at 10:48 PM on July 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: Shopping in the crawly-food section of the pet store.
posted by maryr at 11:06 PM on July 6, 2012


Aww, now Victor has given her his gift. I assume she'll get to keep it.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 7:54 AM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


One should maybe not take the stories told by a humor blogger literally.

Yes, I agree. However, it doesn't matter if it's serious or literal or whatever. It's still a story about "look how I tortured my husband THIS TIME." It's just not funny to me, and my observation was, holy shit, so many people think this is funny? Really?
posted by cabingirl at 9:36 AM on July 7, 2012


I think most of us realize that your partner getting you gag gifts does not actually equate to torture.

Really, it's good for us all not to take ourselves so seriously. Victor was getting very full of himself last year and pretty much ordered her not to buy any more towels, so she just had some fun with it. You're really going to go nuts over a few new towels?! Fine. How do you feel about a big metal chicken? If that kind if prank is worst thing that happens in 15 (now 16) years of marriage--and you can both laugh about it, as the two of them can-- you actually have a pretty good relationship.

Lighten up, cabingirl. I assure you she and Victor are quite happy with their relationship.
posted by misha at 1:18 PM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's just not funny to me, and my observation was, holy shit, so many people think this is funny?

Having helped my mother with a semi-elaborate (for her, anyway, nothing like on the scale of big metal chickens or a home-delivery petting zoo) gag gift for my father that...well, it didn't go over badly, exactly, but he just didn't get it, whereas we were cracking up, I can see where the humor might not translate from the outside. It doesn't always necessarily translate within a relationship, and that can just look odd, particularly against cultural expectations around compatibility.

My parents have very different senses of humor, in some ways. There's a certain amount of overlap, but my mother's tends much more towards the outright silly, and my father gets a certain satisfaction out of playing the long-suffering straight man, because it fits with his self-image as the grounded, practical one in the relationship (Mom's plenty grounded, really, but she does have an impulsive streak that Dad doesn't). But whether he gets the joke or not, he does like seeing my mother enjoy herself, and if the joke falls flat, it becomes another "remember that ridiculous thing your mother did?" did story, of which he has many. So, from my perspective, this looks an awful lot like my parents relationship (which is well on its way to their 50th wedding anniversary, and their still sappy about each other), turned up to 11 because I'm seeing through the one-way lens of someone who's amplifying the situation for comedic effect.
posted by EvaDestruction at 4:18 PM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


You've been denying me a llama for this long, you think I'm letting you get a sloth? No freaking way, buddy.

Sloth/wallaby/hedgehog is 16. Next year is giant metal chickens.
\m/
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 11:22 AM on July 8, 2012


Teddy Bear TLC Keeps Sloth Baby Alive
posted by homunculus at 9:15 AM on July 22, 2012


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