The Internet Is Eating Itself
July 19, 2012 6:55 AM Subscribe
When McSweeney's posted "Suggested Buzzfeed Articles," Buzzfeed replied, "Challenge Accepted." Behold: 84 Things That Aren't On An Everything Bagel. And many, many more.
Jack Shafer has a interesting aticle at Slate on how buzzfeed does their lists and whether they're scuzzy or not. And here's a Storify rundown of the Twitter back-and-forth over the McSweeny's list.
Jack Shafer has a interesting aticle at Slate on how buzzfeed does their lists and whether they're scuzzy or not. And here's a Storify rundown of the Twitter back-and-forth over the McSweeny's list.
Ooops. Sorry, I remembered reading it and thought it was Shafer because he is (was?) their media critic. My apologies.
posted by Diablevert at 7:00 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by Diablevert at 7:00 AM on July 19, 2012
So, slow days all 'round then?
posted by mhoye at 7:01 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 7:01 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
12 TV Weathermen Who Can’t Feel Pain
Wait physical or emotional, cause Sam Champion's mutant powers dull his physical sensations but Al Rooker is just dead inside.
posted by The Whelk at 7:02 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Wait physical or emotional, cause Sam Champion's mutant powers dull his physical sensations but Al Rooker is just dead inside.
posted by The Whelk at 7:02 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
I hope people are emailing their peach photos. That one'll be fun.
posted by condour75 at 7:04 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by condour75 at 7:04 AM on July 19, 2012
Cinnamon raisin? Why not just eat cake and call it a day?
Poppy Seed is the choice of champions.
posted by The Whelk at 7:04 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Poppy Seed is the choice of champions.
posted by The Whelk at 7:04 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Sweet bagels are an abomination and you are a bad person for liking them.
posted by octothorpe at 7:06 AM on July 19, 2012 [29 favorites]
posted by octothorpe at 7:06 AM on July 19, 2012 [29 favorites]
Onion, motherfucker. I don't like talking to people anyway.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:06 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 7:06 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]
IMO, poppy seed toasted with cream cheese and sliced tomato is the ne plus ultra of bagels.
posted by Diablevert at 7:06 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Diablevert at 7:06 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
How in god's name do you put lox in a bagel with fruit on it?
posted by griphus at 7:08 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by griphus at 7:08 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
1. Everything
2. Plain
3. Onion
4. Marble
5. Egg
6. Pumpernickel
7. Garlic
8. Poppy seed
...
9000. Cinnamon raisin
9001. Salt bagels after they become wet
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:08 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
2. Plain
3. Onion
4. Marble
5. Egg
6. Pumpernickel
7. Garlic
8. Poppy seed
...
9000. Cinnamon raisin
9001. Salt bagels after they become wet
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:08 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
90002. Cubist
90003. Reactionary
20004. Post Modern.
posted by The Whelk at 7:10 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
90003. Reactionary
20004. Post Modern.
posted by The Whelk at 7:10 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
90210. Donna
90210. Dylan
90210. Brandon.
posted by Beardman at 7:15 AM on July 19, 2012 [13 favorites]
90210. Dylan
90210. Brandon.
posted by Beardman at 7:15 AM on July 19, 2012 [13 favorites]
Muffins have turned into cupcakes. (Chocolate, chocolate chip muffins? Really? Just eat cake for breakfast. At least you won't be kidding yourself about what you are doing.) Now, bagels are being pressed into service as muffin substitutes. That's too much. It is time to stand athwart history and yell, "Stop!"
posted by Area Man at 7:19 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by Area Man at 7:19 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
Everyone's just trying to keep up with the milkshakes that Starbucks refers to as 'coffee.'
posted by shakespeherian at 7:21 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 7:21 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
When McSweeney's posted "Suggested Buzzfeed Articles," Buzzfeed replied, "Challenge Accepted." Behold:
17 Inches That Are To The Left Of All McSweeney's Articles (and 15 more on the right!)
posted by DU at 7:22 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]
17 Inches That Are To The Left Of All McSweeney's Articles (and 15 more on the right!)
posted by DU at 7:22 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]
Wait, since when are blueberries not on a bagel? There are definitely blueberries IN bagels. And I put raspberries (actual, berry-form berries) on top of bagels all the time.
posted by DU at 7:23 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by DU at 7:23 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Everyone's just trying to keep up with the milkshakes that Starbucks refers to as 'coffee.'
I remember when the calorie counts on the menu for Starbucks appeared in NYC and seemingly overnight all the cups got like 30% reduction in size.
posted by The Whelk at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012
I remember when the calorie counts on the menu for Starbucks appeared in NYC and seemingly overnight all the cups got like 30% reduction in size.
posted by The Whelk at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012
Muffins have turned into cupcakes...
...milkshakes that Starbucks refers to as 'coffee.'
Sorry guys, my fault. It's a complicated story, but let's just say I should've gone with my gut and wished that I was big.
posted by griphus at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
...milkshakes that Starbucks refers to as 'coffee.'
Sorry guys, my fault. It's a complicated story, but let's just say I should've gone with my gut and wished that I was big.
posted by griphus at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
Much as I enjoy bagels, I will add that I posted the thread because I couldn't quite decide whether this was ballsy and amusing or y'know, a sign of society's final descent into idioticracy or what. I mean, does the content of a buzz feed list even matter or will people literally click on anything presented in an amusing list format? I'm certainly not immune --- collecting the links for this led to me looking at a bunch of 40 year old publicity stills for "silver fox" actors.
posted by Diablevert at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by Diablevert at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012
Wow. I always knew that someday Metafilter would end up with obscene pictures of My Little Pony in a FPP, but I never imagined this was how it would go down.
posted by darksasami at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by darksasami at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Wait, since when are blueberries not on a bagel? There are definitely blueberries IN bagels.
Not everything bagels, though (thank god).
posted by kenko at 7:26 AM on July 19, 2012
Not everything bagels, though (thank god).
posted by kenko at 7:26 AM on July 19, 2012
It's a complicated story, but let's just say I should've gone with my gut and wished that I was big.
I did that once and turned into Tom Hanks.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:26 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I did that once and turned into Tom Hanks.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:26 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
That explains The Terminal at least.
posted by The Whelk at 7:28 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 7:28 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
What do you want, I was eleven.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:28 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 7:28 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
This is literally the first time I've ever regretted the fact that my work blocks Buzzfeed articles.
posted by muddgirl at 7:29 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by muddgirl at 7:29 AM on July 19, 2012
Muffins have turned into cupcakes. (Chocolate, chocolate chip muffins? Really? Just eat cake for breakfast. At least you won't be kidding yourself about what you are doing.) Now, bagels are being pressed into service as muffin substitutes. That's too much. It is time to stand athwart history and yell, "Stop!"
And here I thought Andy Rooney was dead.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:30 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
And here I thought Andy Rooney was dead.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:30 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Eagles are turning muffins into cupcakes.
posted by The Whelk at 7:31 AM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 7:31 AM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]
I happen to love Buzzfeed and am pretty much comfortable that that makes me the object of scorn. I care not!!! Give me "10 cutest something" and "18 hilarious, misplaced other things" until the day I die. Amen.
posted by josher71 at 7:32 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by josher71 at 7:32 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Thank you. I have always loved Andy Rooney. I even read one of his books.
posted by Area Man at 7:37 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by Area Man at 7:37 AM on July 19, 2012
Muffins have turned into cupcakes. (Chocolate, chocolate chip muffins? Really? Just eat cake for breakfast. At least you won't be kidding yourself about what you are doing.)
On the advice of a friend, I checked out the nutritional information on muffins sold by a popular chain.
There are fewer calories and fewer grams of sugar in fat in their Boston Cream donut than in any of the muffins I checked.
I was so frightened. And then I decided, fuck it, next time I'm getting a donut when I'm peckish.
Also, everything bagels are gross. But pumpernickel or whole wheat are nice.
posted by jb at 7:41 AM on July 19, 2012
On the advice of a friend, I checked out the nutritional information on muffins sold by a popular chain.
There are fewer calories and fewer grams of sugar in fat in their Boston Cream donut than in any of the muffins I checked.
I was so frightened. And then I decided, fuck it, next time I'm getting a donut when I'm peckish.
Also, everything bagels are gross. But pumpernickel or whole wheat are nice.
posted by jb at 7:41 AM on July 19, 2012
I maintain that Starbucks exists only as a passable place to poop in public.
So, this one time, my friends and I were all at Starbucks specifically to use the can. There was one woman -- posh, younh Manhattanite sort -- in front of our group. Whoever was in the bathroom was taking way too long and the manager knocked on the door. A few seconds later, pipe and lighter in hand, emerged a widely smiling man who clearly just smoked a lot of crack. He ran out the door, the woman went in and came out a few seconds later to tell us that we do not want to go in there.
Whole Foods also has nice bathrooms.
posted by griphus at 7:41 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
So, this one time, my friends and I were all at Starbucks specifically to use the can. There was one woman -- posh, younh Manhattanite sort -- in front of our group. Whoever was in the bathroom was taking way too long and the manager knocked on the door. A few seconds later, pipe and lighter in hand, emerged a widely smiling man who clearly just smoked a lot of crack. He ran out the door, the woman went in and came out a few seconds later to tell us that we do not want to go in there.
Whole Foods also has nice bathrooms.
posted by griphus at 7:41 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh, just browse Reddit pics and WTF for two minutes and you'll get the feel of this one.
Getting Tired of this Headline of the Day
posted by DU at 7:41 AM on July 19, 2012
Getting Tired of this Headline of the Day
posted by DU at 7:41 AM on July 19, 2012
You know, people, muffins are super easy to bake at home. And they freeze really well. Bake up a couple dozen (it'll take you at most an hour and less when you get it down) and you'll have muffins for a weeks or months.
posted by DU at 7:43 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by DU at 7:43 AM on July 19, 2012
MetaFilter: I'm pretty sure the whole place just evaporated after I drove down the highway after doing my business.
posted by griphus at 7:44 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by griphus at 7:44 AM on July 19, 2012
I'm pretty sure the whole place just evaporated after I drove down the highway after doing my business.
You may want to lay off dairy.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:45 AM on July 19, 2012 [11 favorites]
You may want to lay off dairy.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:45 AM on July 19, 2012 [11 favorites]
Oh, just browse Reddit pics and WTF for two minutes and you'll get the feel of this one.
There's a healthy dose of 4Chan in there too...
posted by Confess, Fletch at 7:49 AM on July 19, 2012
There's a healthy dose of 4Chan in there too...
posted by Confess, Fletch at 7:49 AM on July 19, 2012
Also, everything bagels are gross. But pumpernickel or whole wheat are nice.
We'll just mail you your last paycheck, I'd help you clean out your desk but all you seem to have in there are gnawed on Lego pieces and half a tube of Carbona.
Achewood has the best McSweeney's dis, I think it's when Beef meets Molly in heaven.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:50 AM on July 19, 2012
We'll just mail you your last paycheck, I'd help you clean out your desk but all you seem to have in there are gnawed on Lego pieces and half a tube of Carbona.
Achewood has the best McSweeney's dis, I think it's when Beef meets Molly in heaven.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:50 AM on July 19, 2012
Fred Rogers flipping you the bird
I refuse to believe that this ever happened.
posted by likeatoaster at 7:52 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
I refuse to believe that this ever happened.
posted by likeatoaster at 7:52 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
29. And finally, Because pwede bang mamatay nalang para wala ng problema
posted by The Giant Squid at 7:53 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by The Giant Squid at 7:53 AM on July 19, 2012
Blueberry bagels are good with cream cheese. Cinnamon raisin bagels need butter, not cream cheese. A nicely toasted onion bagel begs for cream cheese, but is also an amazing option for a turkey sandwich with a couple slices of home cured bacon.
That, and I live in a world where the only bagels available are the ones at Costco (onion, cheese, cinnamon raisin, or plain), or at the kiosks in the station that sell things like green tea white chocolate bagels, or azuki bean bagels, or soymilk and edamame bagels.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:54 AM on July 19, 2012
That, and I live in a world where the only bagels available are the ones at Costco (onion, cheese, cinnamon raisin, or plain), or at the kiosks in the station that sell things like green tea white chocolate bagels, or azuki bean bagels, or soymilk and edamame bagels.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:54 AM on July 19, 2012
'Extras in My Poop Movie' is an unreleased Tom Waits B-side.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:54 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 7:54 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
I refuse to believe that this ever happened.
It makes a lot more sense in context. Although watch his face and you'll see that he finds it as hilarious as everyone else.
posted by griphus at 7:55 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
It makes a lot more sense in context. Although watch his face and you'll see that he finds it as hilarious as everyone else.
posted by griphus at 7:55 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
In what alternate reality does a muffin not qualify as cake? Is this some European-American linguistic divide again?
posted by brokkr at 8:00 AM on July 19, 2012
Burhanistan: "I maintain that Starbucks exists only as a passable place to poop in public."Plus free wifi.
posted by brokkr at 8:00 AM on July 19, 2012
BuzzFeed: A pig pooping on its own balls.
posted by erniepan at 8:03 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by erniepan at 8:03 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
An apocryphal story that I really hope is true:
When my sister moved from New York to a small town in Alaska about 20 years ago, she asked at the local cafe if they had bagels. They had no idea what she was talking about. So the next time she came home for a visit, she flew back with a bag of bagels. And they said "these would probably go great with some smoked salmon on top."
Anyhow, there is no point in eating bagels now that H & H are gone. Sigh.
posted by Mchelly at 8:12 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
When my sister moved from New York to a small town in Alaska about 20 years ago, she asked at the local cafe if they had bagels. They had no idea what she was talking about. So the next time she came home for a visit, she flew back with a bag of bagels. And they said "these would probably go great with some smoked salmon on top."
Anyhow, there is no point in eating bagels now that H & H are gone. Sigh.
posted by Mchelly at 8:12 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
Garlic bagel, toasted, lox spread. Brueggers Bagels' Santa Fe turkey bagel sandwich wasn't bad either.
posted by jonmc at 8:15 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by jonmc at 8:15 AM on July 19, 2012
I'm really looking forward to 18 Frightened Tweets About Approaching Peacocks.
posted by maryr at 8:22 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by maryr at 8:22 AM on July 19, 2012
Toasted sesame.
Which is also a coffee flavor at Dunkin Donuts, I think.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:22 AM on July 19, 2012
Which is also a coffee flavor at Dunkin Donuts, I think.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:22 AM on July 19, 2012
In what alternate reality does a muffin not qualify as cake? Is this some European-American linguistic divide again?
An actual muffin is more of a bread product, like a sweet bread (banana bread, etc). A cupcake is a tiny cake. They are worlds apart, although anyone who has only ever bought muffins from places like Starbucks (as opposed to making them) could definitely confuse the two.
posted by DU at 8:29 AM on July 19, 2012
An actual muffin is more of a bread product, like a sweet bread (banana bread, etc). A cupcake is a tiny cake. They are worlds apart, although anyone who has only ever bought muffins from places like Starbucks (as opposed to making them) could definitely confuse the two.
posted by DU at 8:29 AM on July 19, 2012
Actually, if you've only ever bought things like banana bread at Starbucks too, that's not going to help you.
Get a real muffin recipe from your grandmother or her generation. Make it. Also make some cupcakes.
Now you know the difference.
posted by DU at 8:32 AM on July 19, 2012
Get a real muffin recipe from your grandmother or her generation. Make it. Also make some cupcakes.
Now you know the difference.
posted by DU at 8:32 AM on July 19, 2012
18 Frightened Tweets About Approaching Peacocks.
- aw yeah at zoo peacocks everywhere (@ Bronx Zoo w/ 150 others) http://4sq.com/h0mph
- o shit dont pet peacocks not friendly
- lol peacock still following me #creeper
- wtf this is getting freaky
- ok in primate house i think i lost the peacock
- shit hes good i think its a he
- in gift shop they don't let animals in here should be safe
- fuck peacock just scared off gift shop lady fuck
- @BronxZoo WTF??? y u let animals wander around???
- hes really angry now
- ah fuck im bleeding wtf I am suing u @BronxZoo
- yo is this #freeipadfortweet thing real? i want an ipad @apple @ipad
- this is 2 much i can't take this
- i am standing up for myself if no more tweets i died a hero lol
- ok peacock is down. not as strong as they look
- zoo guards comin prob to congratulate me
- Mgr. says he will call police. wtf?
- Ne1 kno how 2 get bail bond fast? #fml
...aaand I just accidentally IMed the phrase "18 Frightened Tweets About Approaching Peacocks" to my boss.
posted by griphus at 8:37 AM on July 19, 2012 [39 favorites]
posted by griphus at 8:37 AM on July 19, 2012 [39 favorites]
Onion and/or garlic bagels not only make you unfit for conversation, they put their wretched stink on every other bagel in the box. They should only be sold in sealed wrappers and only eaten in separate rooms, like the kind they used to have for smokers.
posted by emjaybee at 8:41 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by emjaybee at 8:41 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
24 Phrases We Just Accidentally IMed to Our Boss
posted by DU at 8:41 AM on July 19, 2012 [24 favorites]
posted by DU at 8:41 AM on July 19, 2012 [24 favorites]
DU: "Get a real muffin recipe from your grandmother or her generation. Make it. Also make some cupcakes. "The muffins I know from home (20-25 years before Starbucks opened their first store in my native country) are definitely cakes (and were eaten as such). I'd never heard about cupcakes until a few years ago.
From my perspective, the only difference between a muffin and a cupcake is that the latter has icing.
posted by brokkr at 8:54 AM on July 19, 2012
Once had an "everything" bagel where, in addition to the expected ingredients like poppyseed, garlic, onion, etc, one of the "things" was sugar. It pretty much messed up my whole day.
posted by chriscollins at 9:05 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by chriscollins at 9:05 AM on July 19, 2012
In the US, a muffin has traditionally been considered a quick bread. It is made with baking powder (not yeast), often has fruit, doesn't have as much sugar or fat as a cake, and has a diferent texture than cake. Muffins here are typically eaten for breakfast in the US and are not considered to be a dessert.
posted by Area Man at 9:11 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Area Man at 9:11 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
i once ordered an everything bagel and the finagle girl gave me the buddha
so i killed him
i'm not allowed in finagle-a-bagle anymore
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:12 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
so i killed him
i'm not allowed in finagle-a-bagle anymore
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:12 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
griphus: ...aaand I just accidentally IMed the phrase "18 Frightened Tweets About Approaching Peacocks" to my boss.Response?
posted by jenny76 at 9:25 AM on July 19, 2012
@griphus Snack time!
posted by BronxZoosCobra 23 min ago
posted by maryr at 9:25 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by BronxZoosCobra 23 min ago
posted by maryr at 9:25 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Alright this could use a nsfw tag... unless #67 is the sort of thing that flies in your office
posted by MangyCarface at 9:31 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by MangyCarface at 9:31 AM on July 19, 2012
24 IMs from employees that were politely ignored
posted by joecacti at 9:36 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by joecacti at 9:36 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
Those 12 cats made me so sad. I know they want to be left alone but I just want to hug them.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:46 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Ad hominem at 9:46 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
'Muffins are for people who don't have the balls to eat cake for breakfast.' from the short-lived Kitchen Confidential TV show.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:46 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:46 AM on July 19, 2012
It is made with baking powder (not yeast), often has fruit, doesn't have as much sugar or fat as a cake, and has a diferent texture than cake.
I bake a lot of cakes and I've never made one that used yeast, ever; plenty of cakes are made with fruit; the amount of sugar and fat varies in muffin recipes and cake recipes pretty widely, but it's true that muffin recipes will generally have less sugar and fat. More significantly, muffins are often made with oil whereas cakes typically involve creaming butter and sugar together. But you could take many a muffin recipe, cook it up in a cake pan and no one would hesitate to call it a "cake." I think the strongest differentiator is simply the form. It's a muffin if it's muffin-shaped and not iced; it's a cake if it's either muffin-shaped but iced (cupcake) or in the typical cake form.
posted by yoink at 10:02 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I bake a lot of cakes and I've never made one that used yeast, ever; plenty of cakes are made with fruit; the amount of sugar and fat varies in muffin recipes and cake recipes pretty widely, but it's true that muffin recipes will generally have less sugar and fat. More significantly, muffins are often made with oil whereas cakes typically involve creaming butter and sugar together. But you could take many a muffin recipe, cook it up in a cake pan and no one would hesitate to call it a "cake." I think the strongest differentiator is simply the form. It's a muffin if it's muffin-shaped and not iced; it's a cake if it's either muffin-shaped but iced (cupcake) or in the typical cake form.
posted by yoink at 10:02 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
The 29 reasons to hate your life one made me laugh.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:15 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by cjorgensen at 10:15 AM on July 19, 2012
The muffin is the prince of foods.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:31 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:31 AM on July 19, 2012
Wait, two sites that no one visits are trying to subtly diss each-other for being not the right kind of -brow humour?
posted by clvrmnky at 10:59 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by clvrmnky at 10:59 AM on July 19, 2012
When is the last time you had a bran cake?
QED
All-bran cake recipe.
Wheat-bran chiffon cake (!).
posted by yoink at 11:17 AM on July 19, 2012
QED
All-bran cake recipe.
Wheat-bran chiffon cake (!).
posted by yoink at 11:17 AM on July 19, 2012
That is way too much bran. It would be like pooping out a sawmill.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:24 AM on July 19, 2012
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:24 AM on July 19, 2012
Yes, this intersection of McSweeny's and Buzzfeed definitely had too much Reddit and 4chan mixed in. NSFW, NSFSanity and NSFNonWrestlingFans. (I'm kinda surprised they didn't include both Gotye and Goatse on the list)
Besides, there are at least two brands of supermarket-bread-aisle bagels I've eaten that put both Sunflower Seeds AND Poppy Seeds. Yes, I should be ashamed of myself, but I live in San Luis Obispo, CA, hundreds of miles from the nearest REAL bagel and I take what I can get. Anyway, where IS the painfully-purist bagel shop BuzzFeed Staffer Katie Notopoulos gets her Everythings?
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:26 AM on July 19, 2012
Besides, there are at least two brands of supermarket-bread-aisle bagels I've eaten that put both Sunflower Seeds AND Poppy Seeds. Yes, I should be ashamed of myself, but I live in San Luis Obispo, CA, hundreds of miles from the nearest REAL bagel and I take what I can get. Anyway, where IS the painfully-purist bagel shop BuzzFeed Staffer Katie Notopoulos gets her Everythings?
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:26 AM on July 19, 2012
My local bagel shop puts sunflower seeds on their everything bagel. But it's wrong because an everything bagel is not the same as an anything bagel.
posted by peeedro at 11:30 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by peeedro at 11:30 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
But you could take many a muffin recipe, cook it up in a cake pan and no one would hesitate to call it a "cake."
The crumb in a muffin recipe is generally much coarser than that of a cake recipe. Even if you cooked it in a pan it would be more akin to a quickbread or coffee cake than anything you'd want to frost or layer with jam or cream. A coarse crumb makes cakes too absorbent and falls apart easily when handled. If you want to frost a cake with whip cream it works best with a fine crumb.
Then again, most people don't pay attention to texture of baked goods, or they wouldn't buy the nasty rubbery muffins from Starbuck's in the first place.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:35 AM on July 19, 2012
The crumb in a muffin recipe is generally much coarser than that of a cake recipe. Even if you cooked it in a pan it would be more akin to a quickbread or coffee cake than anything you'd want to frost or layer with jam or cream. A coarse crumb makes cakes too absorbent and falls apart easily when handled. If you want to frost a cake with whip cream it works best with a fine crumb.
Then again, most people don't pay attention to texture of baked goods, or they wouldn't buy the nasty rubbery muffins from Starbuck's in the first place.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:35 AM on July 19, 2012
The only true bagel is a salt bagel, as ordained in various welcoming/housewarming ceremonies involving bread and salt. The fact that it's been getting progressively harder to find a decent one because of all the other wretched foofaraw that people insist on inserting in innocent bagels (chocolate chip bagels?) irks my very soul.
Also, toasted bagels are what you do when you don't have a decent fresh product to eat. Rank heresy otherwise.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 12:04 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Also, toasted bagels are what you do when you don't have a decent fresh product to eat. Rank heresy otherwise.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 12:04 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
This just got serious: Congressional Aide Calls For BuzzFeed Editor to Write ‘Suicide Note’ in Angry Comment on Post About Bagels
posted by minifigs at 12:13 PM on July 19, 2012
posted by minifigs at 12:13 PM on July 19, 2012
Now, I feel compelled to list...
84 EDIBLE Things That Aren't On A Supermarket Everything Bagel
(from the original list)
1. Raisins
2. Chcolate Chips
3. Cinnamon
4. Black Pepper
5. Frosting
6. Roasted Red Pepper
7. Sun-Dried Tomatoes
8. Blueberries
9. Crushed Oreos
10. M&Ms
11. Bacon Bits
12. Red Bull
13. Werther's Originals
14. Hard-Boiled Eggs
15. Dry Cat Food (I didn't specifically say Human-Edible, although you COULD...)
16. Naked Juice
17. Sprinkles
18. Gin (not necessarily Two Bottles, we're trying to keep to a budget here)
19. Potato Chips
20. Four Loko
(so tempted to include #56 on their list, but I have something else to prove here)
and NOT on their list...
21. Little Frosted Donuts (John Belushi tribute)
22. English Muffin
23. Twinkies
24. Prune Danish
25. Prunes
26. Pineapple Rings (even though they'd fit perfectly)
27. Kiwi Fruit
28. Lingonberries (IKEA is not kosher)
29. Marionberries (not the DC ex-mayor)
30. Peaches
31. Plums
32. Nectarines (I keep hearing this jingle for "Summer Fruit from California")
33. Carrots
34. Broccoli (George H.W. Bush would not allow it)
35. Avocado (you think this is a Subway?)
36. Peanuts (ALERGIES!)
37. Macadamia Nuts
38. Pastrami
39. Corned Beef
40. Sauerkraut (who are you calling Reuben?)
41. Kim-chi
42. Teriyaki Sauce
43. Tikka Masala
44. Tequila (NOT Tila)
45. The Worm in the Tequila Bottle (ALSO not Tila)
46. One-A-Day Vitamin (although it wouldn't be a bad idea...)
47. Two All Beef Patties
48. Special Sauce
49. Lettuce
50. Cheese
51. Pickles
52. Onions
53. Bean Sprouts
54. Brussels Sprouts
55. Thin Mints
56. Samoas
57. Tagalogs
58. Jalapenos
59. Smoked Jalapenos (because the other word for them is somebody's trademark)
60. Tabasco (who cares about their trademark anymore)
61. Habanero (I dare you)
62. KFC Double Down
63. Pizza Hut Crown Cheeseburger Pizza
64. Outback Bloomin' Onion
65. Cheetos
66. Pork Rinds
67. Bud Light
68. Olde Frothingslosh (Pale Stale Ale "with the foam on the bottom" that people actually bought and sometimes drank)
69. Bran
70. Brains (Calfs', of course, let's not get zombie here)
71. Kidneys
72. Kidney Beans
73. Plain Yogurt
74. Miracle Whip
75. Haggis
76. Schwarma
77. Tofu
78. Fugu
79. Turbot (favorite fish of NASCAR)
80. Rocky Mountain Oysters
81. Mountain Dew
82. Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing
83. Coffee (at least not intentionally)
84. Your Words (with a big swallow of Pride)
This is why I will never write for BuzzFeed or any other similar website.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:32 PM on July 19, 2012
84 EDIBLE Things That Aren't On A Supermarket Everything Bagel
(from the original list)
1. Raisins
2. Chcolate Chips
3. Cinnamon
4. Black Pepper
5. Frosting
6. Roasted Red Pepper
7. Sun-Dried Tomatoes
8. Blueberries
9. Crushed Oreos
10. M&Ms
11. Bacon Bits
12. Red Bull
13. Werther's Originals
14. Hard-Boiled Eggs
15. Dry Cat Food (I didn't specifically say Human-Edible, although you COULD...)
16. Naked Juice
17. Sprinkles
18. Gin (not necessarily Two Bottles, we're trying to keep to a budget here)
19. Potato Chips
20. Four Loko
(so tempted to include #56 on their list, but I have something else to prove here)
and NOT on their list...
21. Little Frosted Donuts (John Belushi tribute)
22. English Muffin
23. Twinkies
24. Prune Danish
25. Prunes
26. Pineapple Rings (even though they'd fit perfectly)
27. Kiwi Fruit
28. Lingonberries (IKEA is not kosher)
29. Marionberries (not the DC ex-mayor)
30. Peaches
31. Plums
32. Nectarines (I keep hearing this jingle for "Summer Fruit from California")
33. Carrots
34. Broccoli (George H.W. Bush would not allow it)
35. Avocado (you think this is a Subway?)
36. Peanuts (ALERGIES!)
37. Macadamia Nuts
38. Pastrami
39. Corned Beef
40. Sauerkraut (who are you calling Reuben?)
41. Kim-chi
42. Teriyaki Sauce
43. Tikka Masala
44. Tequila (NOT Tila)
45. The Worm in the Tequila Bottle (ALSO not Tila)
46. One-A-Day Vitamin (although it wouldn't be a bad idea...)
47. Two All Beef Patties
48. Special Sauce
49. Lettuce
50. Cheese
51. Pickles
52. Onions
53. Bean Sprouts
54. Brussels Sprouts
55. Thin Mints
56. Samoas
57. Tagalogs
58. Jalapenos
59. Smoked Jalapenos (because the other word for them is somebody's trademark)
60. Tabasco (who cares about their trademark anymore)
61. Habanero (I dare you)
62. KFC Double Down
63. Pizza Hut Crown Cheeseburger Pizza
64. Outback Bloomin' Onion
65. Cheetos
66. Pork Rinds
67. Bud Light
68. Olde Frothingslosh (Pale Stale Ale "with the foam on the bottom" that people actually bought and sometimes drank)
69. Bran
70. Brains (Calfs', of course, let's not get zombie here)
71. Kidneys
72. Kidney Beans
73. Plain Yogurt
74. Miracle Whip
75. Haggis
76. Schwarma
77. Tofu
78. Fugu
79. Turbot (favorite fish of NASCAR)
80. Rocky Mountain Oysters
81. Mountain Dew
82. Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing
83. Coffee (at least not intentionally)
84. Your Words (with a big swallow of Pride)
This is why I will never write for BuzzFeed or any other similar website.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:32 PM on July 19, 2012
Goes with #56 in the original list which I omitted... also the absence of variations on Chicken.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:39 PM on July 19, 2012
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:39 PM on July 19, 2012
Great, now I NEED an everything bagel with cream cheese and lox, as god intended.
posted by notashroom at 2:13 PM on July 19, 2012
posted by notashroom at 2:13 PM on July 19, 2012
To quote my wife:
"A muffin is just a cupcake in yoga pants."
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:22 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
"A muffin is just a cupcake in yoga pants."
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:22 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
As the comments marked Best Answer in this AskMe explain, the difference between a muffin and a cake is how they're mixed.
posted by Lexica at 9:22 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Lexica at 9:22 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
oneswellfoop: "52. Onions"
Pretty sure that't the only extra thing in many "everything" bagels...
posted by schmod at 9:36 PM on July 19, 2012
Pretty sure that't the only extra thing in many "everything" bagels...
posted by schmod at 9:36 PM on July 19, 2012
On the advice of a friend, I checked out the nutritional information on muffins sold by a popular chain.
There are fewer calories and fewer grams of sugar in fat in their Boston Cream donut than in any of the muffins I checked.
But there should also be more fiber, and depending on the nut content more protein in a muffin than in a cupcake or donut. When I eat muffins, which is rarely, I am eating them for breakfast, not a snack, so more calories (plus more fiber) is a good thing. Of course, many chain muffins don't have appreciably more fiber in them, in which case yeah, processed foods of any kind can be pretty shitty.
posted by muddgirl at 7:13 AM on July 20, 2012
There are fewer calories and fewer grams of sugar in fat in their Boston Cream donut than in any of the muffins I checked.
But there should also be more fiber, and depending on the nut content more protein in a muffin than in a cupcake or donut. When I eat muffins, which is rarely, I am eating them for breakfast, not a snack, so more calories (plus more fiber) is a good thing. Of course, many chain muffins don't have appreciably more fiber in them, in which case yeah, processed foods of any kind can be pretty shitty.
posted by muddgirl at 7:13 AM on July 20, 2012
"A muffin is just a cupcake in yoga pants."
Yoga pants do give me muffin top.
posted by maryr at 8:26 PM on July 20, 2012
Yoga pants do give me muffin top.
posted by maryr at 8:26 PM on July 20, 2012
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posted by toxtethogrady at 6:57 AM on July 19, 2012