The gang spends an entire episode waiting for a Chinese restaurant’s website to load
August 1, 2012 11:06 AM   Subscribe

Seinfeld 2012 Imagining the characters from the now-vintage sitcom dealing with current technology and social media. From the creator of the beloved Beartato.
posted by oneswellfoop (77 comments total) 35 users marked this as a favorite

 
"George pretends to be the guys in Missed Connections ads, hoping the women will fall for it"

Wow. That is actually perfect.
posted by griphus at 11:10 AM on August 1, 2012 [17 favorites]


Comedy gold!
posted by BentFranklin at 11:11 AM on August 1, 2012


On last night's rerun, Kramer was talking on his giant handheld portable landline (with 12 inch telescoping antenna) to a utility repairman who had called from a payphone attached to the side of a building.
posted by notyou at 11:11 AM on August 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


Aren't these Portlandia skits?

Wait why aren't these Portlandia sketches?
posted by The Whelk at 11:12 AM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Bania replies to all of Jerry’s tweets

OK, that's kind of genius.
posted by COBRA! at 11:14 AM on August 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


I don't get it: wasn't Seinfeld still on just a little over a year ago? I loved season 21!
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:15 AM on August 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Those are spot on.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:17 AM on August 1, 2012


Seinfeld was kind of getting old when it went off the air. I feel like it lost it's 'edge' in the last few seasons, If I had to say I'd guess that it might have had something to do with Larry David leaving. But also, they likely just ran out of stuff to talk about.

The basic premise of the show was making fun of the random annoyances or (or just ridiculousness) of modern life. Certainly life has changed a lot in the past... wow, 14 years. There's lots of new stuff to complain about. It might make sense to bring back seinfeild for a season or two, to check up on the characters and see what's going on.

Also, there was actually was a short 'reunion' on the Larry David show. It was pretty entertaining. One of the characters apparently made a ton of money with an iPhone app and lost it all to Bernie Madoff
posted by delmoi at 11:17 AM on August 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Elaine’s friends keep bugging her on Facebook: “When are you gonna “Like” the baby? You gotta “Like” the baby!”

I laughed at that one, because people would do that.
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 11:20 AM on August 1, 2012 [11 favorites]


The Bania replies to all of Jerry’s tweets and the George sends friend requests to his parents on Facebook, and they decline ones are perfect.

And that Seinfeld Reunion season of Curb is one of the greatest things ever to grace the small screen.
posted by saul wright at 11:21 AM on August 1, 2012


It was pretty entertaining. One of the characters apparently made a ton of money with an iPhone app and lost it all to Bernie Madoff

I think there was an Elaine Blackberry joke too?

The best part on that Curb Your Enthusiasm Seinfeld season arc is when pretend Larry David fills in for pretend Jason Alexander to play the George character, who is based on the real Larry David. brilliant
posted by Bwithh at 11:21 AM on August 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


This goes nicely with the Seinfeld Food Truck...
posted by blaneyphoto at 11:31 AM on August 1, 2012


Ha! These are pretty spot-on.

And while Beartato may be beloved, Party Cat is what turned me on to Nedroid in the first place, and is still one of my favorite comics to this day.
posted by mysterpigg at 11:35 AM on August 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Elaine finds a great new apartment but finds out later it is a cellphone deadzone, leading her to start dating men based on the reception in their apartments. She rates them based on bars; "How'd your date go last night?" "4 bars" "4 bars?" "4" "Well, what did he look like?" "Who cares"

Kramer's personal twitter account (InstaKram) starts receiving messages intended for Instagram, he answers then in character until Instagram starts sending him vaguely threatening pictures. "Look at that Jerry, I can't even tell what that is but I'm scared"
posted by 2bucksplus at 11:38 AM on August 1, 2012 [51 favorites]


So, how long do we have to wait for these to be on TV, eh? 'cuz I'm making popcorn right now.
posted by HuronBob at 11:44 AM on August 1, 2012


George decides not to date anymore since Siri is nicer to him than any woman has ever been

This is some sort of test right? Where I point out this was a Big Bang Theory episode and then Metafilter dogpiles on me for watching that show? Well played, internet.
posted by Gary at 11:56 AM on August 1, 2012 [8 favorites]


We can be thankful that Seinfeld did as little topical humor as it did. It wasn't good at it.

"It's the 90s, Jerry. It's Hammer Time!"

"You know who I saw wilding last night? Herb!"
posted by Egg Shen at 11:59 AM on August 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Newman would definitely have a very widely read blog.
posted by COD at 12:00 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


We can be thankful that Seinfeld did as little topical humor as it did. It wasn't good at it.

"It's the 90s, Jerry. It's Hammer Time!"


I'm pretty sure the topical ridiculousness of Hammer Time is the whole point of that joke.
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 12:03 PM on August 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Amazon.com's Jerk Department says they only have 2 of YOU left in stock, so I should order now!

(I hate myself)
posted by incomple at 12:09 PM on August 1, 2012 [15 favorites]


Every episode would last 30 seconds because the existence of cell phones (and, occasionally, the Internet) would solve the problem of the week.

George responding to Missed Connections ads hoping that the women will think he is the guy is spot on, though. That actually could be an episode (whereas most of the things on the list are funny as a sort of "modern Seinfeld would suck" thing, not as actual episode concepts).
posted by asnider at 12:14 PM on August 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Party Cat is the best.
"Look man, we gotta talk."
"Is it about par--"
"It's about parties."

posted by maryr at 12:18 PM on August 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


Also, there was actually was a short 'reunion' on the Larry David show. It was pretty entertaining. One of the characters apparently made a ton of money with an iPhone app and lost it all to Bernie Madoff

Wow, that was downright hypnotic on several levels.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 12:19 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


As a Brit I'll have to wait until half eleven tonight to read this post
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:34 PM on August 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


After an enthusiastic sales pitch to Jerry, Newman and Kramer invest a large portion of his money in a DVD-by-mail company, as the red envelopes comprise a large portion of Newman's daily deliveries. They are dismayed when the company decides to ditch its snail mail department, so they drive Newman's mail truck 3,000 miles to the company's headquarters with mail sacks full of pirated DVD's that Kramer's ethnic Asian plans to sell in front of the HQ.

In the backlash, the company contacts Jerry (its main shareholder (Kramer and Newman went overboard with the investment) and they agree to retain the mail service, but demand exclusive rights to distribute his show/routine.
posted by obscurator at 12:42 PM on August 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


ethnic Asian friend
posted by obscurator at 12:42 PM on August 1, 2012


I didn't realize I liked Seinfeld until a few years ago. I really never watched it when I was on, so there's still a whole lot of episodes that I haven't seen. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching a sitcom from an alien planet, because the characters on that show look and act and talk so much differently than anything I knew in the 1990's, though I suppose it has that in common with every other sitcom from that decade.
posted by item at 12:51 PM on August 1, 2012


Kramer trades his pizza recipe app to Newman for a Starbucks gift card. Newman then sells the app for 2 million dollars.
posted by davebush at 12:58 PM on August 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Kramer buys a cigar-store mascot, then defends the purchase in a series of increasingly profane tweets.
posted by box at 1:06 PM on August 1, 2012 [6 favorites]


Elaine’s friends keep bugging her on Facebook: “When are you gonna “Like” the baby? You gotta “Like” the baby!”

No, no, no. The modern equivalent has become "you gotta meet the baby". Twenty years ago, you had to see the baby, now I hear about how everyone is so ready to "meet" newborn babies.
posted by donajo at 1:09 PM on August 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Elaine feels kind of shitty about her old joke after reading in the paper that an Australian court determined that a dingo did in fact eat the baby.
posted by COBRA! at 1:13 PM on August 1, 2012 [8 favorites]


We can be thankful that Seinfeld did as little topical humor as it did. It wasn't good at it.

They got jiggy with it!
posted by moorooka at 1:25 PM on August 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


- Kramer and George get into a Wikipedia edit war over Jennifer Aniston's nationality.

- Elaine ran into her boyfriend on Omegle. He had it out. It. Out.

- Kramer swears off all digital communications, and now communicates only on paper. He turns this into a business with Frank.

- An app about apples. On an Apple. Don't you understand, Jerry?

- George discovers ebay, and becomes and importer/exporter.
posted by Harry at 1:29 PM on August 1, 2012 [9 favorites]


The gang learn Kramer’s first name by looking him on Google

Am I missing something here? Was this something the author's slow-witted nephew added after watching two episodes of Seinfeld?
posted by howfar at 1:31 PM on August 1, 2012


What, you never looking at people on Google?
posted by griphus at 1:36 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


"George writes a scathing review on Yelp and is banned from the coffee shop."

Everything is spot on, except I thought this one would be more of an Elaine thing.
posted by Effigy2000 at 1:42 PM on August 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


What, you never looking at people on Google?

I never looking people on Google when their mother telling me their first name in season 6.
posted by howfar at 1:43 PM on August 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Here's a few that he missed but would have been good.

Jerry obsesses and worries after finding out more people are torrenting Bania's MP3s than his.

Jerry's podcasts get scathing reviews on iTunes. He eventually finds out that its Newman leaving them and gets revenge by tweeting about Newman's job performance using unflattering hashtags like #snailmail and #postisdead.
posted by Effigy2000 at 1:46 PM on August 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Is "Cosmer" no?
posted by griphus at 1:46 PM on August 1, 2012


I never looking people on Google when their mother telling me their first name in season 6.
posted by howfar at 4:43 PM on August 1 [+] [!]


Did anyone else read this in Cubert Farnsworth's voice?
posted by xorry at 1:49 PM on August 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Interesting to note that George is the main character in most of these situations. It seems to me that he is the most compelling character on the show, the one who has aged the best, so to speak.
posted by Algebra at 1:52 PM on August 1, 2012


Well, he was the stand-in for the Larry David who, as the inevitable march of time continues to prove, is a much better comedy writer than Jerry Seinfeld.
posted by griphus at 1:54 PM on August 1, 2012


howfar, what Seinfeld would be like if it had aired in the internet era.
posted by saul wright at 1:56 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


howfar, what Seinfeld would be like if it had aired in the internet era.

It seems I am the stocky, slow-witted man tonight.
posted by howfar at 2:00 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


George's Google search history is discovered. Jerry: "Nursing home threesomes!?"
posted by davebush at 2:12 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


See also the SeinfeldStories account on Twitter:

Jerry dumps a girl who rolls her R's. George tries to read the encyclopedia, and won't shut up about aviation. Kramer buys an owl.
posted by junco at 2:13 PM on August 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Video of dancing Elaine is remixed and becomes a meme; Jerry and George argue over whether it's "mehm" or "meeme".

Kramer creates his own cryptocurrency, only to have Redditor Newman corner the market.

Elaine dates man with no Facebook account. "He's MySpace-only?" "MySpace-only."

George feuds with favorite cupcake boutique after they discontinue free extra frosting.

Kramer befriends a police horse at an Occupy camp.
posted by Spatch at 3:21 PM on August 1, 2012 [20 favorites]


Whilst surfing porn, George happens upon an x-rated "girls gone wild" clip featuring a undergrad Elaine, who (as she will explain to the rabbi) was several months in the arrears on rent and desperate.
posted by Danf at 3:55 PM on August 1, 2012


When the Soup Nazi food truck launches on Elaine's block, she creates a fake Twitter account for it to try to divert the crowds blocking the entrance to her apartment.
posted by gompa at 4:01 PM on August 1, 2012 [7 favorites]


Kramer organizes a flash mob to spread the word about Festivus.
posted by gompa at 4:04 PM on August 1, 2012


George winds up in charge of the New York Yankees' official Twitter feed and uses a fake viral #DateDerekJeter contest to meet women.
posted by gompa at 4:05 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


All you have to do is match the defining personality traits with the associated social media/web behavior and you have your matches.

George is a coward, and lazy - he makes an Art Vandelay Facebook account so that he doesn't have to be himself and then realizes he has to make an Art Vandelay Twitter account and then a LinedIN account and pretty soon it's too much trouble to keep up the facade.

Kramer is an impulsive entrepreneur, so he develops a ridiculous iPhone app (pizza ingredient above is a great suggestion) that makes a ton of money, only to lose all to a 12-year-old Nermal look-alike on on-line poker.

Newman is a neutral-evil foil. Kramer finds out that he has 18 girlfriends on Plenty of Fish and decides that it's not right, steals his iPhone, initiates chase montage through city and ends up at the front of his building where all 18 are waiting for him and realize his ploy.

Elaine is shallow and mean and can't stand it that Putty is friends with Sue-Ellen Mischke, the bra-less wonder, when she's not. She tries to break that relationship up and it backfires; Putty de-friends her and they break up until next episode.

Jerry is lazy and vain and I agree with the Jerry/Bania podcast thing.

Small things:

Jerry is always harping about Kramer stealing WiFi.
Elaine shows nipple on her Facebook profile page.
George's parents don't understand computers.
posted by jimmythefish at 4:06 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Jerry drops his girlfriend because she uses the word "LOL" in actual conversations.

He goes off the next girlfriend when he discovers that she writes Twilight fanfic.

He goes off the next girlfriend when he can't reach her 24/7 because she doesn't carry around a cell phone.

He goes off his next girlfriend because she bombards him with lame email forwards.

He goes off his next girlfriend because she wears pantyhose with sandals.

posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:13 PM on August 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


A fun counter-exercise:

Which Seinfeld plots have been rendered obsolete (or could be) by digital technology?

One obvious plotline that already has been made obsolete is the one where George needs to steal the physical tape out of a girlfriend's answering machine. One that could be made obsolete is: What if the bakery selling the chocolate babka (or marble rye) had a Twitter feed letting everyone know when they ran out of their signature items?
posted by gompa at 4:16 PM on August 1, 2012


He goes off his next girlfriend because she wears pantyhose with sandals.

This is actually a class 2 felony in NYC if you're under 65.
posted by griphus at 4:20 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


master of your domain name
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:35 PM on August 1, 2012 [4 favorites]


Jerry torrents Plan 9 From Outer Space, watches it in his living room while ordering Chinese food with his phone.
posted by box at 4:38 PM on August 1, 2012


I can't decide what movies would replace the English Patient and Schindler's List for those respective episodes. SIGH.
posted by elizardbits at 4:43 PM on August 1, 2012


Episode begins with Jerry's standup routine "What's the deal with Instagram? Digital cameras take perfect pictures and Instagram turns them all into Polaroids from 1974!"
posted by briank at 4:44 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


After George's mother catches him in an embarrassing position, the gang has a contest to see who can go the longest without sexting.
posted by box at 4:46 PM on August 1, 2012


George accidentally forwards his new girlfriend an unflattering photo of his privates. “Do women know about JPG compression?!”

That's gold, Jerry, gold!
posted by malapropist at 5:02 PM on August 1, 2012


I can't decide what movies would replace the English Patient and Schindler's List for those respective episodes. SIGH.

The Artist and The Help.
posted by gompa at 5:25 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


* George wears earplugs on the street to avoid spoilers for a television show before it shows up on Hulu, only to discover that no one is talking about the show in question.
* Elaine stops using FourSquare after she discovers only ex-boyfriends are following her checkins.
* Kramer creates a business breeding cats that make funny faces.
* George takes up geocaching in order to take the contents of the boxes without replacing them.
* Kramer refuses to buy anything that's not from Trader Joe's.
posted by Apropos of Something at 5:33 PM on August 1, 2012 [5 favorites]


Seinfeld is "vintage"?

Fuck.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 5:35 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


George accidentally forwards his new girlfriend an unflattering photo of his privates. “Do women know about JPG compression?!”

Who is emailing George pictures of his own junk?
posted by cmoj at 6:17 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Spatch: "Kramer befriends a police horse at an Occupy camp."

I have little to add right now, I just want to quote this because I love it so much. Thanks, Spatch.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:25 PM on August 1, 2012


Jerry and George argue over whether it's "mehm" or "meeme".

Except George would be the wrong one.
posted by DU at 6:43 PM on August 1, 2012


Jerry's Netflix account is hacked by Newman and all his recommendations are The Postman starring Kevin Costner.
posted by arcticseal at 6:54 PM on August 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


George becomes obsessed with preserving his high score on Frogger's Xbox Live Arcade leaderboards.
posted by box at 7:02 PM on August 1, 2012


Jerry drops his girlfriend because she uses the word "LOL" in actual conversations.

I did this in around 2006 or so!

it would never have worked
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:32 PM on August 1, 2012


Elaine stays up all night crafting a lol cat caption. She's hopes to make the front page of reddit.
posted by hot_monster at 8:55 PM on August 1, 2012


Speaking of which, check out what last weeks caption contest was.
posted by griphus at 9:06 PM on August 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Seinfeld is "vintage"?
Fuck.


Also it seems the 1990s were not "the internet era," so I don't know what I was doing on dialup to read the alt.tv.seinfeld Usenet group all that time.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 10:39 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


See, this is one of the things I love about the Simpsons: we still have all the classic episodes, and yet it has continued on until now, which gives us the Simpsons satirizing smartphones, Obama, and Facebook. I love it.

Did anyone else see the 500th episode? The Simpson family is banished from Springfield and finds a place to live among society's rejects, "off the grid," until Lenny and Carl show up to join them. All of a sudden all the other Springfielders start showing up, asking to join their reject society. Then this exchange happens:
Lenny: "I have a funny feeling our paradise is about to get ruined by unwanted guests."

Carl: "Eh, I probably shouldn't have given this place 5 stars on Yelp."
posted by malapropist at 11:03 PM on August 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seinfeld is "vintage"?
Fuck.


I stopped myself before calling it "classic", but my search for a semi-synonym didn't turn up anything better than "vintage". Of course, 45 seconds after I posted, I thought "shoulda said 'iconic'!!!"

And while the 1990s could kind of be considered the "early internet era", such stuff was not yet culturally ubiquitous enough (Seinfeld did debut BEFORE the WWW), especially in Seinfeld's part of New York. I don't recall a single reference to email or AOL (even though the ubiquitous disks were frequent stand-up fodder). Technology in Seinfeld World was more about "the sponge" then. But today...
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:25 PM on August 1, 2012


Kramer makes an inappropriate comment, which is then seen by millions of people on YouTube. He hides out in his apartment.

A Chik-Fil-A opens across from Kramer's apartment. Jerry's gay friend (not that there's anything wrong with that) from college gets hired and then fired. Newman and Kramer continue to eat the chicken sandwiches despite Jerry's protests.

Elaine, despite being actually a 1-percenter, has an altercation with and then begins dating an Occupy protester.
posted by ninjew at 12:15 AM on August 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


My husband is a Seinfeld aficionado. Occasionally a word or phrase will come up in conversation-- panties, rye bread, TV guide-- and then that night he will say, "We have to watch the rye bread episode." This has happened every couple of weeks for the last 12 years. Good thing I like Seinfeld as well.

Jerry drops his girlfriend because she doesn't think The Simpsons is funny.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:03 AM on August 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


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