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August 2, 2012 8:37 PM   Subscribe

Japan Turns Masturbation into an Art "The days when the sex industry believed only women were in desperate need of self-pleasuring aids appear to be long gone. Nowadays, when one walks into a sex shop, aisles offering male masturbation tools are just as bountiful as those catering to women. At least in Japan. Seven years after Koichi Matsumoto left his car salesmen job to start 'something that hasn’t been done before' and launched Tenga 'New Adult Concept,' his company has sold over 15 million male masturbation units worldwide."
posted by bookman117 (85 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
I've been to a couple of different sex shops - the big one in Akihabara, and a couple in my own hometown - and, yeah, there is one hell of a selection of male masturbation aids. The most surprising thing for me was the price of a bottle of jerk-off lube. Three thousand yen for maybe 12 ounces.

However, in terms of selection, I'm pretty sure you can buy the same variety and assortment of male masturbation aids in the US as you would in Japan.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:43 PM on August 2, 2012


I used to work in that industry and you most certainly cannot.
posted by griphus at 8:46 PM on August 2, 2012 [5 favorites]


I will be the first to admit that I know nothing about male masturbation aids!
posted by KokuRyu at 8:48 PM on August 2, 2012


This is inspired by griphus's comment in that Sushezi thread about the Tenga Flip Hole, isn't it?

Man that is one surreal advert. It's just so... terrible, and earnest, and... macho and damn it hurts my brain.
posted by Scientist at 8:48 PM on August 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


Also what's with the focus on disposability mentioned in the article? (It occured to me in that Tenga Flip Hole ad too... $75 for something that wears out after 50 uses? I mean, I can manage without any help thanks but even if I wanted something, I'd want it to not, you know, fall apart.) I mean, there's not a huge market for disposable vibrators, is there? It seems like a pretty cynical business ploy to me.
posted by Scientist at 8:53 PM on August 2, 2012


Also I am not going to be inserting my schlong into the unseen recesses of an egg that is cryptically labeled "Spider", thank you very much. Nope nope nope nope.
posted by Scientist at 8:57 PM on August 2, 2012 [21 favorites]


The uncanny valley is a hypothesis in the field of robotics and 3D computer animation, which holds that when human replicas look and act almost, but not perfectly, like actual human beings, it causes a response of revulsion among human observers.

I'll just leave this here, as a hypothesis both on the problem and on the popularity of the solution.
posted by Apropos of Something at 8:57 PM on August 2, 2012


Hey, I won one of those Tenga sleeves in a raffle a few years ago!* Given that I am not properly equipped to make use of it, I tossed it to a friend sitting next to me. I ought to hit him up for a review.

*If there are sex toys as prizes in your raffle, I will win that prize. Particularly amusing was the night I won fully half of the available raffle prizes, all sex toys, porn and sex related stuff. Taking public transit home with a tote bag overflowing with dildos is pretty comical.
posted by mollymayhem at 8:59 PM on August 2, 2012 [8 favorites]


OK, now I'm genuinely curious as to who controls Keith Haring's estate.
posted by mollymayhem at 9:01 PM on August 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


The U.S. market for this stuff is practically nonexistant. I haven't dealt with it since about 2006, but basically you can get a squishy tube (maybe with ribbing inside), or something that looks like it was surgically removed from a realdoll (maybe with a space to insert a small vibrating egg/bullet.) There's also vibrating sheathes, but I've never seen one in person and no one ever asked for one.

It's be nice to get something stateside that isn't completely thoughtless or weirdly misogynistic. If I were still doing ordering, I'd make a case for importing these. The nice design would take away from the taboo of buying something like this and it would be awesome to have that jumpstart the same sort of variety that women's toys have.
posted by griphus at 9:01 PM on August 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


“The future of masturbation is now”

An outstanding corporate slogan if I've ever seen one.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 9:02 PM on August 2, 2012 [10 favorites]


Also I am not going to be inserting my schlong into the unseen recesses of an egg that is cryptically labeled "Spider", thank you very much. Nope nope nope nope.

Okay we can do one better if we all give it a try. I'll start.

'Clown teeth'
posted by shakespeherian at 9:02 PM on August 2, 2012 [30 favorites]


Okay we can do one better if we all give it a try. I'll start.

It does refer to it as a "pleasure trap". I feel like you want to avoid the word "trap" for any item into which one is intended to insert a penis.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:04 PM on August 2, 2012 [5 favorites]


c.f. declining birth rate.

Really, I was hoping for more detail and less LOLJapan jerkers. It's really sad to see a country give up on sex with other hoomins. Please don't let this be a part of that whole Futuristic JApan thing.
posted by djrock3k at 9:04 PM on August 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Meanwhile, on reddit: Japanese Redditors, what are some things you consider strange from other cultures?
posted by vidur at 9:07 PM on August 2, 2012 [6 favorites]


It's really sad to see a country give up on sex with other hoomins

Just because I have a vibrator doesn't mean I've stopped having awesome sex with my husband. You can totally do both, they're not mutually exclusive. Hell, they're not even mutually exclusive simultaneously.

And there goes ANY chance of my actually introducing my mother directly to Metafilter.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:07 PM on August 2, 2012 [43 favorites]


It's really sad to see a country give up on sex with other hoomins.

Don't Date Robots!
posted by Ritchie at 9:11 PM on August 2, 2012


The "seven years ago" reference made me wonder how long Fleshlights (it's just a link to the Wikipedia page, fear not) have been a thing, which I'm still not exactly sure about but Fleshlight apparently has two patents filed in 1998. Which fits with my feeling that this isn't really as new and radical a concept as the article was trying to make it sound. Though I still have yet to actually buy one of these things...somehow, the sorta-toothy-looking cutaway diagrams just don't really sell me on the concept. It's the kind of "I'm not convinced this thing really works like they say it does" thing I'd want to try out before I bought one, except for how it's also the kind of thing which really, really needs to absolutely not have floor models people can try before they buy one because ew.
posted by mstokes650 at 9:11 PM on August 2, 2012


As a child I used many things to masturbate. But eventually the bottom line was always... Wait. TMI here right. So maybe I'll keep my masturbation habits to myself (so to speak), because really... Who the fuck wants to hear about it.

PM me if you want a really nice message back saying none of your damn business.
posted by Splunge at 9:14 PM on August 2, 2012


This is going to turn into one of those threads where everyone accidentally reveals all their issues isn't it.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:20 PM on August 2, 2012 [18 favorites]


Professional Male Models tell all!
Hayashi: Was it just me who started to go numb by the tenth EGG? I'm guessing all our favorites are the ones we tried near the beginning!
All: *All nod in agreement*

TENTH?
posted by unliteral at 9:22 PM on August 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Also what's with the focus on disposability mentioned in the article?

There is no hygenic way to make them non-dispoable. You can throw the non-electric components of most virbrators in a dishwasher, or boil them. These are made out of a much more porous, delicate material.
posted by griphus at 9:22 PM on August 2, 2012


Which fits with my feeling that this isn't really as new and radical a concept as the article was trying to make it sound.

Yeah, I'm trying to figure out if it's new for Japan, or if they mean the style, or if they just mean in general. During my brief career in adult video and ass't novelties some ten years ago, I sold one of these things, so there was a market.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:29 PM on August 2, 2012


Can someone who has Android please try out the Tenga app and report back?
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:29 PM on August 2, 2012


I bet men's masturbation devices that also switched over to GoBot configurations would be HUGE.
posted by Skygazer at 9:32 PM on August 2, 2012


The most surprising thing for me was the price of a bottle of jerk-off lube. Three thousand yen for maybe 12 ounces.

Thanks to
Artw and yesterday's Kink.com thread I see an import-export opportunity.
posted by Mezentian at 9:32 PM on August 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


During my brief career in adult video and ass't novelties

I was sure the 't was a typo.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:32 PM on August 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


Scientist: "This is inspired by griphus's comment in that Sushezi thread about the Tenga Flip Hole , isn't it?"

RELATED: NEW TENGA SUPER SUCKING. Which is just, like, taking things to Ridley Scott levels.

In any case, male masturbatory aids will be woefully inadequate until scientists tackle the heretofore ignored issue of prostate stimulation. Unless your "so-called" "aid" includes a component that looks and acts like an egg-beater in a latex tube-sock, you're just revisiting well-worn territory.
posted by boo_radley at 9:33 PM on August 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


So OK, I am clearly way too interested in the whole idea but couldn't you just, like, wear a condom when you use these things thus circumventing most of the hygiene issues? Or are you telling me griphus that I need to go into chemistry and invent a plastic jelly that can be repeatedly boiled with no ill effects and then I will become rich beyond my wildest dreams?
posted by Scientist at 9:34 PM on August 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I have seen these in Canada. Frequently. I'm not sure if anyone is actually buying them, but I don't imagine that the shops would be importing them if they weren't.

They were a big deal at the Taboo show a few years back, just about every booth was selling them.
posted by asnider at 9:34 PM on August 2, 2012


obligatory
posted by gideonswann at 9:38 PM on August 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh and good God the YouTube comments! I'll spare y'all the crazy misogynistic rant in which the commenter listed the ways in which the NEW TENGA SUPER SUCKING is better than PITIFUL HU-MAN FEMALE and just give you the, ah, money shot (sorry) at the very end:

Thank God companies like Fleshlight and Tenga exist. It's about damn time women become obsolete.

Jesus Tapdancing Christ this is one hell of a rabbit hole.
posted by Scientist at 9:40 PM on August 2, 2012 [6 favorites]


Well, unless (hell, even if) you got the condoms for free, that's going to be expensive, wasteful and, I assume, not as much fun.
posted by griphus at 9:43 PM on August 2, 2012


Scientist: " rabbit hole."

MAN I JUST GOT A GREAT IDEA FOR A PRODUCT LINE NAME
posted by boo_radley at 9:44 PM on August 2, 2012 [5 favorites]


Also I am not going to be inserting my schlong into the unseen recesses of an egg that is cryptically labeled "Spider", thank you very much. Nope nope nope nope.

Wuss.

So OK, I am clearly way too interested in the whole idea but couldn't you just, like, wear a condom when you use these things thus circumventing most of the hygiene issues? Or are you telling me griphus that I need to go into chemistry and invent a plastic jelly that can be repeatedly boiled with no ill effects and then I will become rich beyond my wildest dreams?

If men won't wear condoms when having high-risk sex with a prostitute or with a total stranger in a bathroom, do you really think they are going to start wearing them at home while masturbating?
posted by Forktine at 9:47 PM on August 2, 2012 [5 favorites]


Jesus Tapdancing Christ this is one hell of a rabbit hole.

Not that I endorse the YouTube comment one bit, but some women make the same dumb jokes about vibrators/dildoes and men.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 9:53 PM on August 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Scientist: "Jesus Tapdancing Christ this is one hell of a rabbit hole."

Will change your life for the better.
posted by Apropos of Something at 9:59 PM on August 2, 2012


That's a good point, Pruitt-Igoe. I have heard those jokes, and I have thought they were stupid. I will say though that if you're brave enough to go in and read the actual entire comments, there's some pretty earnest fucked-up woman-hating going on in there. Which is par for the course on the internet I guess, but God-damn does it wig me out to see people just being all baldfacedly "you are ugly and disgusting and unfuckable and I hope you get raped and/or die". I usually try to avoid that kind of atrocious hatespeak, seeing it unexpectedly is like a slap in the face.
posted by Scientist at 10:01 PM on August 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Somewhere out there, probably in China, is a factory that makes all these things. I sometimes wonder what the people who work in such a place think about the products they're manufacturing.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:03 PM on August 2, 2012


Somewhere out there, probably in China, is a factory that makes all these things. I sometimes wonder what the people who work in such a place think about the products they're manufacturing.

I don't know what the Chinese workers think, but there was a NYTimes article a while back about a factory that specialized in fetish gear in Pakistan.
posted by Forktine at 10:09 PM on August 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


someone wittier than me make a pepsi blue joke.
posted by TwelveTwo at 10:16 PM on August 2, 2012


A long time ago my friend absent-mindedly opened up the drawer in the family bathroom, rooted around for a hairbrush and ended up pulling out her brother's Fleshlight, hastily hidden and not yet, er, cleansed.

A plastic-y egg-thing would've been less obvious and might've prevented him from recieving a ruthlessly earnest agonisingly wide-eyed lecture from his big sister on the importance of cleaning up after oneself.

On the other hand, she says whenever she visits his apartment now it's always scrupulously clean, so some good came out of that.

ba-dum-tsssch
posted by zennish at 10:19 PM on August 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


do you really think they are going to start wearing them at home while masturbating?
I believe this is called a 'posh wank'.
posted by unliteral at 10:25 PM on August 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


The most surprising thing for me was the price of a bottle of jerk-off lube. Three thousand yen for maybe 12 ounces.

That's not that bad a price, if you're talking silicone-based lube. It's also kind of understandable, if you're talking about Tenga's own rather expensive custom brand of lube, designed to work with their products.

But no, Tenga's stuff isn't cheap. I much prefer having sex with young, nubile women with a passion for pleasure instead. They're attractively packaged, self-cleaning and completely reusable!
posted by markkraft at 10:37 PM on August 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Back iin my foray into the "marital aids" business in the early 80s we sold the Accu-jack which came with a single "orifice" and the bathhouse model with room for multiple participants. I tried to find a picture, but got a little wierded out by the links. Guess my dildo packing days are definitely over.
posted by Isadorady at 10:37 PM on August 2, 2012


I tried to find a picture, but got a little wierded out by the links.
Artist's rendering?
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:49 PM on August 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


The name Accu-jack rang a bell; google pulled up this article from Utne reader which is maybe what I am remembering. But, interestingly, the name appears to now be used for a device for stimulating bulls (link SFW):

The concept is simple. Stimulus is applied to a smaller area inside the bull via a segmented length of the probe. The target ganglia can be more precisely stimulated versus the motor control nerves. This will help avoid the bull going down in the chute and severe muscular spasms.
posted by Forktine at 10:50 PM on August 2, 2012


My next and first album: Dildo Packing Days.

The tenga stuff is frankly genius. Vast appeal for a little under half the world. And you can half-assedly hose off your shame. What an improvement!
posted by LucretiusJones at 10:52 PM on August 2, 2012


Also I am not going to be inserting my schlong into the unseen recesses of an egg that is cryptically labeled "Spider"

oh god no just no

also, regarding "the pleasure trap", now I will be unable to think of the movie "the parent trap" without thinking of that product sigh
posted by davejay at 10:52 PM on August 2, 2012


Okay we can do one better if we all give it a try.

Venus Flytrap
Fil-A-Chik
The Meat Grinder
Snap-On Tool
Jaws of Life
Full Metal Jack-it
posted by RogerB at 11:13 PM on August 2, 2012 [7 favorites]


I wonder if the fleshlight was not mentioned because of "lol Japan weird sex". As if underneath the skin of good American Christians there isn't the beating heart of tentacle porn.

And if you dare call my fleshlight a synthetic vagina I am going to yank it off my dick and clobber you with it.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:26 PM on August 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Can someone who has Android please try out the Tenga app and report back?
About what one would expect. Earwormish video game music loop. Pick one of 5 devices. Shake as fast as possible for 30 seconds with a 5 second countdown for Fortissimo Finish (ff). A decent test of your device's accelerometer. Option to post your score to Facebook or Twitter... or follow a link to the official Tenga website. Give it 3 stars for stark simplicity of design, usage, and gameplay.
posted by zengargoyle at 11:32 PM on August 2, 2012


the bathhouse model with room for multiple participants

Hungry Hungry Hippos.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:35 PM on August 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Those Tenga egg things are awesome: I bought a couple for Mr Pageturner (during a period of enforced separation - I'd seed his suitcase with stuff during visits home) and while I don't think he actually uses them very much now, he did say they were pretty cool.

They are made of a very nice and squooshy material, and have different, soft textures inside. The egg shape becomes stretched out into a sock-like shape during use.

He liked them WAY more than the Fleshlight, which quickly became this gigantic, hideous thing lurking in his bedside table!
posted by woolly pageturner at 11:36 PM on August 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Reminds me of this fellow.
posted by knile at 1:10 AM on August 3, 2012


They're available at Good Vibes here in the SF Bay area and the whole range of Tenga toys show up on Fab.com now and again. Real curious to see how they sell through that outlet.

I haven't made the plunge yet but … well, once I live alone again we'll see what happens.
posted by wemayfreeze at 1:56 AM on August 3, 2012


a tote bag overflowing with dildos

Interestingly enough, this was the working title for the Spin Doctors' Pocket Full of Kryptonite.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:39 AM on August 3, 2012 [7 favorites]


Funny, but not too surprising. I've never been in a proper sex shop in Japan, but this just reminded me- if you ever go to Beppu for the onsens, I recommend stopping by the sex "museum" for a few good laughs.
posted by p3t3 at 2:52 AM on August 3, 2012


Scientist: This is inspired by griphus's comment in that Sushezi thread about the Tenga Flip Hole, isn't it?
The really sad part of that is the diligent OnaToys commentor, trying to earnestly respond to all the people who are saying "Wait, it only works for 50 uses, at that price?!" by replying "No, no, that was just an example used by the narrator!".

I mean, I assume like many other sex toys you could wash it and reuse, right? Still... one poorly chosen phrase, and your target demographic is driven away in droves.
posted by hincandenza at 3:03 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: like an egg-beater in a latex tube-sock
posted by kcds at 4:14 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'd seed his suitcase with stuff during visits home
That...isn't a euphemism, right?
posted by gingerest at 4:24 AM on August 3, 2012 [4 favorites]


I don't know, I don't find this to be all that weird. The only real difference between these products and American style male masturbation products is that the Tenga's aren't trying to replicate female genitalia. Seems less creepy to me than a disembodied plastic vagina.
posted by DrLickies at 4:55 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]


About what one would expect. Earwormish video game music loop. Pick one of 5 devices. Shake as fast as possible for 30 seconds with a 5 second countdown for Fortissimo Finish (ff). A decent test of your device's accelerometer.

Sounds like some of the “sexy” games for the Commodore 64. Waggle the joystick back and forth as vigorously as you can to make the two blocky sprites on the screen do it with mechanical joylessness. Good for giggles if you're a 12-year-old boy, not much else.
posted by acb at 5:00 AM on August 3, 2012


If there are sex toys as prizes in your raffle, I will win that prize. Particularly amusing was the night I won fully half of the available raffle prizes, all sex toys, porn and sex related stuff. Taking public transit home with a tote bag overflowing with dildos is pretty comical.

I once dated a girl who won a box of sex toys as the grand prize in some kind of Sexy Raffle. At some point, early in this relationship, we were lying in her bed and she said something about it, and I asked her if she still had any of these toys. She laughs, and pulls out this huge cardboard box from under her bed, just FILLED with dildos, in a quantity and variety I can only describe as Seussian. Big dildos, small dildos, short dildos, tall dildos; motorized, squishable, having-a-ball dildos! Dildos of gentleness, dildos of harm; wee ones, and dildos as long as your arm! Oh, the dildos she used! What a shock for a lad! Oh the wonderful, blunderful, sex-toys she had!
posted by Greg Nog at 5:58 AM on August 3, 2012 [42 favorites]


The only real difference between these products and American style male masturbation products is that the Tenga's aren't trying to replicate female genitalia. Seems less creepy to me than a disembodied plastic vagina.

Hey, there are ass and mouth ones too. Having a disembodied mouth is totally not creepy. Right? Right???

(disclaimer, I don't have any disembodied anythings lying around the house)
posted by the young rope-rider at 6:33 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]


Well, I'll take the dive.

My experience with a Tenga Egg (it may have been the Spider, named for the web-like pattern of interior nubs) was a nice variety, easier on the hands with more coverage, and fun with a partner. I think they're too expensive for routine use and I don't know if the stretchy texture would stand up well for extended or vigorous play. If I wasn't partnered I'd probably keep a few on hand as part of my "safer sex fun and games" kit.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 7:09 AM on August 3, 2012


Yeah, these kinds of aids with a partner are really fun, especially with a circumcised partner (don't get mad at me, it makes handjobs more difficult in my experience).
posted by the young rope-rider at 7:26 AM on August 3, 2012


Tenga's fitting app is a remarkable bit of Flash design. You input dimensions and "point of stimulation" and it makes a little triangle mesh penis for you. Then click "Start Analysis" and wait for 5 seconds as it does complex calculations a simple database lookup to find the perfect rubber sock. I particularly like the way the mesh penis can grow entirely outside the box if you slide the length slider far to the right.

I see their way of entering the US market is creating a line of "U.S. Tenga" to accomodate "larger men". Flatter the customer.

Anyone tried the Android app? I think it's a game where you jerk off your phone in the fastest time possible. Sadly, there is no iPhone version.
posted by Nelson at 7:49 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]


I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on the Flip Hole. What happens on the 51st use?
posted by that's how you get ants at 8:04 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


eponyterrifying
posted by griphus at 8:05 AM on August 3, 2012 [4 favorites]


I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on the Flip Hole.

Have you tried soapy water?
posted by RogerB at 8:07 AM on August 3, 2012 [5 favorites]


Has anyone made a joke yet about how Koichi Matsumoto completely came up with the concept and strategy behind Tenga in 15 minutes??

C'mon...there used to be a time a dozen mefites would jump on that and grab that bad boy and squeeze it for all it was worth until they'd exhausted all the comedy juice out of such a gift. Now, it's just me. Last of the clown squeezers of comedy juice...

*Makes sad clown face with one tear running down sad powdered clown face.*
posted by Skygazer at 8:53 AM on August 3, 2012


You see...speaking from personal experience, most wank off sessions are that long as well...

So there's that...

except for the fact his "little 15 mins" produced a company worth a Bazillion Dollars.

posted by Skygazer at 9:06 AM on August 3, 2012


Finally! I now understand the Tenga section of Fab.com. Without any pictures of what was inside the egg, all I could picture was Silly Putty.
posted by MsMolly at 9:14 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thousands and thousands of spiders.
posted by griphus at 9:24 AM on August 3, 2012


TwelveTwo: "someone wittier than me make a pepsi blue joke."

Pepsi Synthetic Pink?
posted by stratastar at 9:37 AM on August 3, 2012


I have just had to repeat this section a disturbing number of times, because although there's a missing consonant I have not been able to stop hearing it as "Flip Hole uses the best cutting edge technology in a unique way".

It's a masturbation aid and a pencil sharpener!
posted by flabdablet at 10:13 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


“The future of masturbation is now”

Surely 'The future of masturbation is coming'.
posted by colie at 10:44 AM on August 3, 2012 [8 favorites]


> And you can half-assedly hose off your shame.

I see what you did there.
posted by ostranenie at 11:15 AM on August 3, 2012


Greg Nog: "I once dated a girl who won a box of sex toys as the grand prize in some kind of Sexy Raffle"


Um, I hate to break it to you, but box of sex toys "won in a raffle" sounds a lot like a proverbial Canadian girlfriend, an excuse used by nice women who just happen to have ended up with lots of sex toys they won't admit to buying.

(Just kidding, mollymahem.)

roger ackroyd: "Can someone who has Android please try out the Tenga app and report back?"

So I tried to download it but my phone has a pretty slow data connection right now for some reason, and I just realized that I don't think I'll be able to answer for two reasons

1) I'm at work. And though I thought maybe I could do it at my desk or in a bathroom stall without causing too much attention, I'm pretty sure that's what people who jack off at their desk or in the bathroom think too.

2) I couldn't deal with the shame of not getting an immediate high score. It's one thing to spend a lot of the last 25 years jacking off, but it's another to be told by a computer app that I've been doing it wrong.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:07 PM on August 3, 2012


Can someone who has Android please try out the Tenga app and report back?

Great. Now my phone is water damaged.

Buncha jerks.
posted by flabdablet at 6:53 PM on August 3, 2012


But are they useful around the house?
posted by homunculus at 9:19 PM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


can't come to the phone right now, I'm wanking in the spider egg so leave a message and I'll call you back.
posted by luvcraft at 11:40 PM on August 3, 2012


s/can't come to the phone/sorry I'm not home

another filk ruined. :(
posted by luvcraft at 11:42 PM on August 3, 2012


Chinese Mushroom, anyone?!
posted by markkraft at 11:50 AM on August 4, 2012


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