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"Another cold steel summer for Brian Gionta, freelance solution to some of his government's more pressing problems."
September 25, 2012 9:39 AM   Subscribe

Now that the NHL Lockout is fully upon us, some have wondered what NHL fans should do with their unmoored fandom. They have missed a greater conundrum: what are the listless captains of the NHL going to do with their pent-up energies? The Classical's Chris Collision has delved into the lockout activities of every NHL captain, from Jonathan Toews's train nightmares to Shane Doan's fedora delivery service and Joetho Rnton's abdication of his rule of the Gatlatian Smatet: Part 1, Part 2.
posted by Copronymus (20 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
If my Twitter feed last night was any indication, what NHL fans are doing with their unmoored fandom is making fun of the NFL.
posted by no regrets, coyote at 9:42 AM on September 25, 2012 [9 favorites]


In fairness, the NFL totally deserves it.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:45 AM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Would not the fans' fandom be melted rather than unmoored?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:49 AM on September 25, 2012


Thank you 04-05 NHL strike for not only destroying increases in popularity of the sport but also providing us with incessant ESPN poker tournament coverage.
posted by incandissonance at 9:54 AM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


On the plus side, we do get some time off from the 'LOL sportsball' / 'What's hockey?' crowd.
posted by troika at 10:00 AM on September 25, 2012


what are the listless captains of the NHL going to do with their pent-up energies?

Fan fiction! fan fiction! omg slash fan fiction!
posted by Theta States at 10:23 AM on September 25, 2012 [4 favorites]


but also providing us with incessant ESPN poker tournament coverage.

I hear they are televising Backgammon now, so get ready for a whirlwind of excitement!
posted by Theta States at 10:24 AM on September 25, 2012


Fan fiction! fan fiction! omg slash fan fiction!

At least half of the bits are basically fan fiction, and the New York Rangers bit in Part 2? Pretty slashy, I'd say. Not to mention the Vincent Lecavalier vampire bit.
posted by Copronymus at 10:28 AM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


What some people I know are doing:

Panicking about which NHL guys will play in the KHL and wind up with career-ending injuries. Or, alternately, hoping that happens to hated players on other teams.

Drinking a lot.

Making funny Tumblrs to pass the time.

Lecavalier does live in a castle. And he only comes out at night. And sometimes he rides a boat to the game. One of these statements is true.
posted by cmyk at 10:31 AM on September 25, 2012


They have missed a greater conundrum: what are the listless captains of the NHL going to do with their pent-up energies?

Become NFL refs, of course!
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:31 AM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Lecavalier does live in a castle. And he only comes out at night. And sometimes he rides a boat to the game. One of these statements is true.

Clearly not the boat one, what with him not being able to cross moving water.
posted by Copronymus at 10:33 AM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Fan fiction! fan fiction! omg slash fan fiction!
posted by asperity at 10:55 AM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


There's always Russian hockey...
posted by blue_beetle at 11:24 AM on September 25, 2012


.. and then the hockey fan says to the football fan, "What, your refs weren't like this before?"
posted by cmyk at 11:26 AM on September 25, 2012


but also providing us with incessant ESPN poker tournament coverage.

I can accept poker tournaments on tv, mostly because it's less boring than watching golf, but then I once caught an ONLINE poker tournament.

Mostly I'm being pleased because, as I live near the Bell Centre, I will avoid hockey traffic and hockey blood alcohol tests.
posted by jeather at 12:01 PM on September 25, 2012


Roller derby. I'm not kidding. I went expecting an ironic good time (relatively few hockey players play under names like "Shelby Churass") but discovered that underneath the silliness is a really great full-contact sport, fast moving and hard hitting. It's got the speed and violence of hockey but with a much lower likelihood of brain injuries due to the fact that players are checking while travelling in parallel rather than hitting head-on.

I have no idea why it's not on TV, especially with two major sports simultaneously out of commission.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 12:10 PM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yeah, televised Roller Derby would rock. It gets frustrating watching from ground level as you miss at least half the action.

I suspect it's not televised precisely because it does not take itself too seriously. When one of the best players in your women's league goes by the name "Pia Mess" it's going to be hard to get prime time coverage.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:19 PM on September 25, 2012


Somewhere, the NBA is thanking its lucky stars that it managed to temporarily resolve its labour issues just in time for every other major league to implode.
posted by mightygodking at 1:10 PM on September 25, 2012


Breaking out my little invisible violin, the strike is very confusing for my 10 year old son. He lives, breathes, eats etc hockey, so he is a very sad little panda.

On the other hand, we stayed in a hotel last week across from Safeco field, and we watched the Mariners-Orioles ball game on TV while listening to the fans, which was cool. We don't get cable, so have little opportunities to watch baseball (hockey is streamed online by CBC), so it was great to awaken his interest in that much superior sport.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:21 PM on September 25, 2012


The twenty20 cricket world cup is on, thats about as exciting as cricket will ever get.
posted by scodger at 4:03 PM on September 25, 2012


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