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The best college players in the nation
November 13, 2012 6:22 AM   Subscribe

Meet the flamboyant players of the East/West Collegiate Bowl.
posted by griphus (69 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite

 
The players actually seemed pretty subdued.

But their names were hilarious.
posted by DU at 6:30 AM on November 13, 2012


I totally thought this was gonna be a quiz bowl parody. Alas.

Still pretty funny though.
posted by kmz at 6:35 AM on November 13, 2012


Man, the first time I saw this, I could hardly breathe, I was laughing so much. Key and Peele have been great this season.
posted by Cash4Lead at 6:39 AM on November 13, 2012


But see this is what makes them geniuses: I would never have thought to add speech impediments.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:44 AM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


Who the hell would name a kid "Dan"? Sheesh...
posted by HuronBob at 6:45 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


This seems as good a place as any to post this Kay & Peele's sketch of Obama inspiring his Occidental peers to have the best party/joints ever.
posted by Corduroy at 6:46 AM on November 13, 2012 [4 favorites]


Ooh! I call "Ozamataz Buckshank" for my new sockpuppet!
posted by ColdChef at 6:50 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Also: most ridiculous name that could actually be a real name? Javaris Jamar Javarison-Lamar.
posted by ColdChef at 6:52 AM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


I fucking love K & P. This sketch is rife with sockpuppet name ideas.
posted by Think_Long at 6:52 AM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


I thought about posting this, but figured it'd be shot down as being offensive.

As a substitute teacher, I frequently find myself having to call out roll in a classroom full of strangers, and then I get to names like this and have to try to pronounce them from only having first read them in that very moment--properly, the first time, every time, lest the room erupt in laughter and some poor kid just sit there embarrassed.

So on the one hand, I found this video very funny. On the other hand? Felt like Tuesday to me.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 6:53 AM on November 13, 2012 [7 favorites]


Oh Goddamnit, I was working on a massive Key & Peele post, I'll give it some time and a chance to grow bigger.
posted by Blasdelb at 6:53 AM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


The delivery is excellent. There really are pre-game video intro segments like this, and a lot of these kids are 19-year-olds who aren't particularly good in front of a camera. They did a good job of capturing the awkwardness of these young men.
posted by Mister_A at 6:54 AM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is better Key and Peele doing names, for my money. It has bonus humor if you're an inner-city teacher (at least all the ones I've known who've seen have found it hilarious).

In both cases, I spent a lot of time laughing and a lot of time wondering if I was being racist and some more time wondering if wondering if I was racist was the real racism. I think this was Key and Peele's goal.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:55 AM on November 13, 2012 [15 favorites]


scaryblackdeath: Like this?
posted by shakespeherian at 6:56 AM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


The substitute teacher thing that I and shakespeherian have linked to was sent to me and my wife (who teaches in an urban school). My wife has subsequently sent it to all her teacher friends.

My wife's assessment was: "I don't swear and I've never broken a clipboard because they cost money, but other than that, every day is like that."
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:01 AM on November 13, 2012


*flicks nose*
posted by Earthtopus at 7:04 AM on November 13, 2012


sssssssssssssssshhhhhhhh
posted by Earthtopus at 7:04 AM on November 13, 2012


Watching Key and Peele is interesting because sometimes it feels like I'm under the magnifying glass like the humor is Key and Peele laughing at white viewers laughing at black guys laughing at white racism. Like I'm pretty sure that they know white guys are going to watch this and repeat it endlessly even though it comes off as kinda racist at times. Same thing kinda happened with the Chapelle show in many cases.

Not that I'm suggesting that Key and Peele back away from racial charged humor as I think it's a powerful form of discourse but sometimes I wonder who really is the intended audience and how can that be used in a positive manner.
posted by vuron at 7:07 AM on November 13, 2012


Every day, I sit down with families to write obituaries. When we get to the grandchildren section, it usually goes like this:

Them: "Allison."
Me: "A-L-L-I-S-O-N?"
Them: "E-L-Y-S-S-Y-N."
Me: "Ooookay."
Them: "Joe Nathan."
Me: "J-O-E Space N-A-T-H-A-N?"
Them: "J-O-H-N-A-T-H-A-N. Apostrophe."
posted by ColdChef at 7:07 AM on November 13, 2012 [8 favorites]


Also: When discussing race on their show, keep in mind that Key and Peele are both biracial.
posted by ColdChef at 7:09 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


In anticipation of the first day of class name-reading that I hate so much, I spend a significant amount of time just reading my students' names out loud so that I'm familiar with them and have decided how I think they are going to be pronounced. Yeah, I may be pronouncing Qianhui incorrectly. Or Bhattacharya. Or Siobhane. Or Meaghan. But dammit, at least I'll pronounce it incorrectly with conviction.
posted by ChuraChura at 7:10 AM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


These football players, they've got some funny names. Funny names? Pet names.
posted by Apropos of Something at 7:11 AM on November 13, 2012


Confession: I've had G'glester Hardukachud and L'Carpetron Dookmariot stuck in my head -- with the voices -- for about a week. My face hurt from laughing at that video; Key and Peele seem to be the only comedians who can do that to me these days.
posted by Dark Messiah at 7:17 AM on November 13, 2012


I work with not one but two men whose first names are Okonkwo. Which means that talking to them about Chinua Achebe is probably a horrible idea.
posted by pxe2000 at 7:19 AM on November 13, 2012


Jesse Thorn had a good interview with Key & Peele on Bullseye earlier this year.
posted by ocherdraco at 7:22 AM on November 13, 2012


I had the pleasure of working the student broadcast booth for a college football game in the late '80s. The thing I was most nervous and excited about (the outcome of the game was never in doubt) was whether the ball would get to a certain receiver - that receiver's name was Oladite Ogunfiditimi! I did have a chance to say his name, and thanks to careful practice and phonetic spelling, I'm pretty sure I got it, if not right, at least recognizable.
posted by Mister_A at 7:30 AM on November 13, 2012


My wife and I had to pause the video the first time through this sketch so that we could catch our breath. I haven't laughed like that in years. Also, "Donkey Teeth" is a callback to their soul food sketch.

Watching Key and Peele is interesting because sometimes it feels like I'm under the magnifying glass like the humor is Key and Peele laughing at white viewers laughing at black guys laughing at white racism. Like I'm pretty sure that they know white guys are going to watch this and repeat it endlessly even though it comes off as kinda racist at times. Same thing kinda happened with the Chapelle show in many cases.

I had a similar feeling, but after marathon watching all of the episodes this weekend, I find it very interesting as maybe the biggest explicitly racial based comedy to happen in a post-Chappelle show world. It feels like it works on many of the same lines as Chappelle's show, but in a way less "punch line" kind of way that (hopefully) does not lend itself to being co-opted by idiots.
posted by ndfine at 7:36 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Watching Key and Peele is interesting because sometimes it feels like I'm under the magnifying glass like the humor is Key and Peele laughing at white viewers laughing at black guys laughing at white racism.

And when Asians watch it, it's like funny squared.
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 7:50 AM on November 13, 2012


I did not laugh until the last guy and then I laughed and laughed.
posted by the young rope-rider at 7:56 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Best college: California University of Pennsylvania
I liked the mouth-breather from Stanford.
Authentic guitar!
posted by MtDewd at 8:12 AM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


The substitute teacher thing that I and shakespeherian have linked to was sent to me and my wife (who teaches in an urban school). My wife has subsequently sent it to all her teacher friends.

My wife's assessment was: "I don't swear and I've never broken a clipboard because they cost money, but other than that, every day is like that."
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:01 AM on November 13 [+] [!]


I am the above referenced wife and yes the substitute teacher thing is seriously the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life of seeking out and consuming funny things. I've never broken a clipboard but I have broken a pair of sunglasses by throwing them and kicked chairs and my desk and stuff to make a point.

One of the things that's interesting about showing that to people is what about it they find funny. I find the names a little funny but what is actually absolutely hilarious to me is the teacher himself. I don't say "insubordinate and churlish" (although it is now the description of me on Twitter) but I do say "Rude. Unacceptable." in EXACTLY the same tone. I feel like laughing at the names is a bit more racially charged whereas finding the teacher hilarious is funny to all the teachers I know which includes Asian, Black, and Native American as well as White. The thing is, it's genuinely SPOT FUCKING ON. Seriously.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:28 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Mister_A: The delivery is excellent. There really are pre-game video intro segments like this, and a lot of these kids are 19-year-olds who aren't particularly good in front of a camera. They did a good job of capturing the awkwardness of these young men.

That's what I found the most hilarious. They were spot on by having every fourth guy or so say his name and school wayyyy too slowly.
posted by King Bee at 8:42 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Not sure if you realize this, but California University of Pennsylvania is a real school.
posted by Madamina at 8:43 AM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


Key & Peele are the rare comedy act that can make me laugh at the skit, and also laugh at myself because I'm not sure if I should be laughing. They're kind of like Chris Morris of Brass Eye in that.

There are a lot of similarities to Chappelle's act, and I hope it doesn't lead to a similar ending. Race-based comedy is a minefield for a performer of any race.
posted by echo target at 8:47 AM on November 13, 2012


Not sure if you realize this, but California University of Pennsylvania is a real school.--

And it is about 200 miles east of Oregon, and 25 miles west of Washington.
posted by eye of newt at 8:56 AM on November 13, 2012


California University of Pennsylvania is now a close second to Indiana University Purdue University of Indianapolis for favorite college name.
posted by kmz at 8:57 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


This sketch - which will reduce me to paroxysms every single time I get to "EEE EEEEEEE" - was in the same episode as the bits about the pastor who had to speak right after Dr. King's "I Have a Dream" speech, which is one of the most sublime things I've ever witnessed. K&P are phenomenal.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:04 AM on November 13, 2012


California University of Pennsylvania is now a close second to Indiana University Purdue University of Indianapolis for favorite college name.

I've always been a fan of Miami University of Ohio myself. Not to mention Indiana University of Pennsylvania.
posted by Cash4Lead at 9:29 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Ugh. I'm a Washington University in St. Louis alum, and even with our 356-character-long university name, I still have friends and relatives who are convinced I was at school in either Seattle or DC.
posted by ChuraChura at 9:37 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


LSU has a defensive player named Barkevious Mingo another named Jerqwinick Sandolph.
posted by ColdChef at 9:42 AM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


I was already dying with laughter, but then it hit the BYU guy and I about fell out of my chair.

But even that joke doesn't hit the nail on the head nearly as well as real life, where there is currently a BYU football player who is a Polynesian Mormon from Southern California whose first name is Romney.
posted by The World Famous at 9:46 AM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


in the same episode as the bits about the pastor who had to speak right after Dr. King's "I Have a Dream" speech, which is one of the most sublime things I've ever witnessed.

Speaking after MLK.
posted by ColdChef at 9:46 AM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


KMZ: we just call it IUPUI (or Ooooeee Pooheee)
posted by leotrotsky at 9:47 AM on November 13, 2012


Am I the only one who thinks this is funniest before it gets manifestly absurd? I lost it at "Ibrahim Moizoos" and "D'Isaiah T. Billings-Clyde."
posted by eugenen at 9:53 AM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


The current great unsung master of the silly name is Metalocalypse's Brendon Small, the man who brought us Dr. Tormin Bin McNildidindindin, Horace Marmingblabwibblestein, Prof. Jerry Gustaf Mongolink, Vincenzo d'Allimamma la Corningston III, Dr. Krumpworth Shponglazier the Fourth, Jr., Dr. Borgoomubarak Swaindworth, and Dr. Niniltred Finiltendryden.
posted by Iridic at 10:14 AM on November 13, 2012


eugenen: "I lost it at "Ibrahim Moizoos" and "D'Isaiah T. Billings-Clyde.""

One of the things that make Key and Peele manifestly amazing sketch performers: each of these characters makes a deliberate choice. Each one is different and unique, even though they appear on screen very briefly. For my money, these two characters have the silliest voices (well, okay, besides Javaris Jamar Javarison-Lamar).
posted by Apropos of Something at 10:32 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


For future reference, here's all the names.
posted by Apropos of Something at 10:35 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


The only thing missing in this sketch is a player from THE Ohio University.
posted by mhum at 10:38 AM on November 13, 2012 [4 favorites]


Quatro Quatro, reckanize!
posted by grubi at 10:59 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Related: Monty Python's Election Night Special.
posted by jiawen at 11:03 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Just came here to say that Liam Neesons is my shit.
posted by swellingitchingbrain at 11:29 AM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


D’Glester Hardunkichud REPRESENT!
posted by Madamina at 11:30 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Watching Key and Peele is interesting because sometimes it feels like I'm under the magnifying glass like the humor is Key and Peele laughing at white viewers laughing at black guys laughing at white racism. Like I'm pretty sure that they know white guys are going to watch this and repeat it endlessly even though it comes off as kinda racist at times. Same thing kinda happened with the Chapelle show in many cases.

The difference is that Chappelle was explicitly doing racists jokes in that he was joking about racism. Ultimately he could not get around doing the jokes he wanted and only having people think the "right" parts are what was funny and should be laughed at. That was his realization and that was why he quit.
Key and Peele does not joke about racism, but rather smartly pushes the whole thing aside and they do what they think is funny.

Also: When discussing race on their show, keep in mind that Key and Peele are both biracial.

That is an easy conclusion and would be a nice way to keep track of whether people are being racist while making jokes, but it really doesn't work. The idea that if people are doing jokes or skits that include other races than what they are really doesn't make something racist. I don't think the fact that someone is of a specific race is of no consequence to the discussion but it does seem to lead some people to make an easy decision. Which is a shame because I think comedy is probably the best way to take a hard look at racism, but if people want to rely on shortcuts to do it then a lot of great discourse is tossed out. Looking at the race of a comedian is perhaps a starting point, but I would submit that intent, privilege, and characterization is orders of magnitude more important to the discussion.
I recall there was a kerfuffle on MeFi over Portlandia's skit Harajuku Girls and that some people thought it was implicitly racists because 'white people doing japanese people is wrong'. I would differ on that idea and say they were not being racist but rather making a statement about characterization and racism about Gwen Stefani - Oh, hello colonialism. But wait, isn't the song all about how great Harajuku Girls are? Right, so not racist. Right? Although, I can kind of see where Stefani was going before she fell back on stereotypes to round out her look. Is she really supposed to have a specific subset of people that look and sycophantically act a certain way? Or can she try to subvert that idea by picking a specific group of people that other people had not thought of? Or maybe she just pulled something out of the "what's hot in pop culture" hat.

Anyway, all that is to say I don't think the conversation should ever simply boil down to what color the person telling a joke is, because it's simply to reductive.

For comparison here is Whoopi Goldberg thoughtfully joking about racism (1 and 2 are leads) 1 2 3
posted by P.o.B. at 11:41 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Torque [construction noise] Lewith just about made me fall out of my chair. Holy shit that's funny.
posted by deadmessenger at 11:48 AM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


This one is really fun to read : Jackmerius Tacktheratrix
posted by Mister_A at 12:17 PM on November 13, 2012


While lots of Key and Peele is about race, I think it'd be wrong to reduce this sketch to being just about race or even primarily about race. Primarily, I think, it's about two guys stringing some funny words together who are doing it through the lens of a certain subculture (Black football players). Sure, it'd be wrong for someone to do this sketch in blackface, but it's no more racial than Stefon (another character whose bit is essentially saying a bunch of silly things) is homophobic.
posted by Apropos of Something at 12:23 PM on November 13, 2012


The only thing missing in this sketch is a player from THE Ohio University.

this is the greatest troll ever and it is all i can do not to bite. well done.
posted by Kwine at 1:08 PM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


scaryblackdeath: Like this?
posted by shakespeherian


That's not me just yet, but give it a few more years.
Also: Thank you. Thank you so much.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:14 PM on November 13, 2012


I just peed a little bit.
posted by mfu at 1:32 PM on November 13, 2012


One of the things that make Key and Peele manifestly amazing sketch performers: each of these characters makes a deliberate choice. Each one is different and unique, even though they appear on screen very briefly.

Word. And they develop characters that work with their looks, as well. It's got to be damn difficult to do 16 different characters, names only. Also one of the things I love about this is how there are 31 names of increasing ridiculousness, but the punchline that has me giggling is "Dan Smith".
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 1:40 PM on November 13, 2012


This one is really fun to read : Jackmerius Tacktheratrix

I think that was the one that finally pushed me over the edge to try to integrate everyone one of these names into my D&D campaign.
posted by griphus at 2:52 PM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


They even tackle racism in the zombie genre, with predictably hilarious results.
posted by clockworkjoe at 3:11 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


DUNK THE VOTE
posted by shakespeherian at 3:22 PM on November 13, 2012


They should put Bruce Willies and Liam Neesons together in a movie.
posted by P.o.B. at 3:34 PM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


griphus: "I think that was the one that finally pushed me over the edge to try to integrate everyone one of these names into my D&D campaign."

Will that campaign include Kanye the Giant?
posted by jiawen at 6:43 PM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


I do a lot of filling-in of web forms at work, and "Hingle McCringleberry" is my new go-to name for testing. (He's had a great season!)

I don't know how many times I've watched this sketch since first hearing about it on Sklarbro Country, but one of my favorite details is how every player has a still shot in the background that informs the reading of the name.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 8:47 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


'Round about my thirtieth viewing of this did I really start to appreciate the photos of the players in the background.
posted by whitneyarner at 9:47 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


U+2A17: INTEGRAL WITH LEFTWARDS ARROW WITH HOOK: ⨗

(aka the player formerly known as mousecop)
posted by Earthtopus at 12:20 AM on November 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


Not sure if you realize this, but California University of Pennsylvania is a real school.
I did not realize it. I thought it was playing off of IUP or Miami of Ohio.
I withdraw my nomination. Reverting to The University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople.
posted by MtDewd at 10:50 AM on November 16, 2012


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