40 Moms. 40 Messages.

December 2, 2012 8:21 AM

Your Holiday Mom: "This season, supportive moms have gathered to send a holiday message to all LGBTQ children, teens and young adults who are without family support and who would like a 'stand-in Holiday Mom'–or 40! Knowing that not every mother is ready to accept her own LGBTQ child exactly as-is (as hard as this is for us to imagine), we moms have written to extend our love beyond that of our own family."
posted by cowboy_sally (15 comments total)

This is amazingly beautiful and sad at the same time. I can't imagine a parent not loving their child for any reason, but the message of love and acceptance from these individuals is awesome. I hope people who do need love and help find this and take something from it.
posted by MrBobaFett at 8:59 AM on December 2, 2012

I managed to get through one-and-a-half of these before my eyes welled up.

My mom loved me and supported me and would never have dreamed of kicking me out of the house when I came out. She died in 1996. I miss her a lot.

Thanks for this.
posted by rtha at 9:05 AM on December 2, 2012 [11 favorites]

[this is good]
posted by ambrosia at 9:20 AM on December 2, 2012

Nice to see a Holiday Dad, too.

Anyone needs me, I'll be right here.
posted by Seamus at 9:54 AM on December 2, 2012

Wow, beautiful. A lady did this on reddit a few months ago, on her own, and that was an amazing thread. She brought some light into the world for a few young people who needed it, I hope these folks can too.
posted by LooseFilter at 10:04 AM on December 2, 2012

I know it's impossible for a lot of good people to imagine this causing a rift between parents and their children.

Keep in mind, though, that unless the kids know exactly how their parents feel about the issue, coming out is literally risking everything. The people they love, their homes... everything.

Some kids whose parents would have been supportive don't come out until they're out of the house, because the risk is just too great. So they go through their childhood alone, with a distance they can't explain between them and their loved ones.

If you have kids, please be very, very clear about how you'd feel about them being gay. Don't just leave it at 'I'd love you no matter what.' At the least, it will show them what acceptance is all about.

This project, and that Reddit thread, and the It Gets Better project, really make me proud to be a human being.
posted by MrVisible at 10:29 AM on December 2, 2012 [10 favorites]

Wow. I just don't even have words to express how great this is.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:03 PM on December 2, 2012

(The reddit thread from a month or so ago is here, for those interested. Pretty wonderful reading.)
posted by LooseFilter at 12:39 PM on December 2, 2012 [3 favorites]

I can't imagine a parent not loving their child for any reason, but the message of love and acceptance from these individuals is awesome.

You would be surprised. About 1973 my dad wouldn't attend my brother's wedding because his hair was too long. My parents actually split for a while because my dad wanted to ban my other brother from visiting for Christmas because he not only had long hair, but an earring as well. He gave up on that, but never acknowledged his existence. I wanted to get wire-rim glasses, but didn't for decades for fear of being disowned. (People laugh about old rhetoric about "hippies", but this was serious shit back in the day.)

My brothers re-joined the human race when they had kids, and my father came to realize that if he cut off contact with his sons, he wouldn't be allowed to see his grandsons. Fortunately, I never pissed him off that bad because I never had kids.
posted by pbrim at 12:50 PM on December 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

"I can't imagine a parent not loving their child for any reason"

congratulations
posted by idiopath at 3:17 PM on December 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

You would be surprised. About 1973 my dad wouldn't attend my brother's wedding because his hair was too long. My parents actually split for a while because my dad wanted to ban my other brother from visiting for Christmas because he not only had long hair, but an earring as well. He gave up on that, but never acknowledged his existence. I wanted to get wire-rim glasses, but didn't for decades for fear of being disowned. (People laugh about old rhetoric about "hippies", but this was serious shit back in the day.)

I simply do not get this. I can see disowning your kid if he turned out to be Charles Manson or something, but I do not understand the mentality of a parent who would disown a child for having long hair, or being gay, or marrying someone of another race, or whatever.

All I can conclude is that "when you're a parent you wear your heart outside your body" doesn't always apply - some parents appear to keep their hard little hearts firmly inside their ribcages. There's probably a mix of narcissism and fear and who knows what else involved, but I still don't comprehend it.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 3:25 PM on December 2, 2012

Although it's very sad that such a thing is needed, I'm very glad to see it. Thanks for sharing this!

Nthing that I cannot comprehend "parents" who would disown their kids for being LGBTQ.
posted by wiskunde at 6:06 PM on December 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

i just posted that link on to my facebook page with this comment:

"just beautiful.


(i'm not part of this.... but if you, or anyone you know, needs a loving mum to accept them unconditionally, i put my hand up to be that person. message me.)"



the same goes for folk here.

truly.
posted by taff at 6:55 PM on December 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is wonderful.
posted by SisterHavana at 7:02 PM on December 2, 2012

Sometimes I wonder if the "disowning" is a sort of tough love thing - "maybe if I kick Junior in the pants hard enough, he'll wise up to his sinful/unnatural/unhygienic ways and come home", just like putting them in the corner as toddlers often results in a change of behaviour.

And then it doesn't work.

And then everyone's miserable.

I'm not out to my family. My decision has largely been driven by my youngest sister, who turns 18 next year. I've opted to stay closeted in order to remain in contact with my family, because I am uncertain whether my dad would try to restrict contact if he knew. She needs to have a sympathetic ear and a safe person to talk to about difficult, "sinful" things more than I currently need that authenticity with my family.

But what it means ultimately is that I can entirely see the mechanics behind casting out your kid. Especially when there are other children involved. What if it's contagious? It's still utterly wrong, but I can at least see some of the mechanics involved.
posted by Jilder at 1:19 AM on December 3, 2012