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What if Seinfeld were made today?
December 10, 2012 7:39 PM   Subscribe


 
Holy shit. I didn't realize how badly I missed Seinfeld until just now. Seriously, the world kind of needs this.
posted by PercussivePaul at 7:51 PM on December 10, 2012 [15 favorites]


NEWMAN!
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:51 PM on December 10, 2012


Okay, Kramer accidentally joining the Tea Party is perfect.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:52 PM on December 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


There is also Seinfelt. Seriously, you compare these to some season 9 summaries, you can't tell the difference.
posted by kafziel at 7:54 PM on December 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


I spent an embarrassing chunk of the day going through these and cracking up. They're so note perfect I can almost see certain scenes in my head. The "George's Netflix thinks he's gay" one had me in stitches for about an hour.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:09 PM on December 10, 2012 [15 favorites]


Kinda previously.
posted by Catchfire at 8:12 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hmmm, the early Nedroid piece had "George writes a scathing review on Yelp and is banned from the coffee shop", and in the Metafilter thread, Effigy2000 wrote, "Everything is spot on, except I thought this one would be more of an Elaine thing." This new Twitter feed cribs from the Nedroid piece, but it's Elaine who gets banned because of Yelp. A Metafilter influence, maybe?
posted by painquale at 8:13 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Jerry becomes convinced that an anonymous AskMe is written by an ex girlfriend. Kramer finds a Tumblr that he believes is fortelling his life's events.
posted by miss_kitty_fantastico at 8:22 PM on December 10, 2012 [13 favorites]


2062: Rising sea levels flood the lobby of the apartment building and Kramer goes into the water taxi business. Meanwhile, George is hiding in Jerry's apartment from a T-1000 robot he insulted in an elevator; Jerry's iPhone47 accidentally rats him out, but Apple Maps32 sends the killer robot to Patton Oswalt's place. And Elaine takes her Puddy clone back to the lab after he starts quoting "The Tick".
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:22 PM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Absolutely adored the one about Jerry breaking up with a beautiful woman because she favourites every one of his tweets. I could just see the whole episode being centered around it, including him sending out ridiculous tweets just to test the hypothesis. (Plus Kramer and Newman doing a podcast together? Hilarity.)

Now I want to watch Seinfeld reruns all night...
posted by juliebug at 8:22 PM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


i an a fan if this!
posted by rebent at 8:28 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


almost forgot... 2062: Jerry's new agent books him as the opening act for teen idol Jet Screamer.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:38 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Elaine gets a NuvaRing. Jerry becomes self-conscious about his "abilities" after stumbling across his girlfriend's browser history.

I can totally see that second plot.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:43 PM on December 10, 2012


Oh, I am so nostalgic for Seinfeld. My love for the show is ridiculous. I still make Seinfeld references daily even though I know they are not cool. arguably never were, and make me seem old and out of touch. Some of my favorites here:

Jerry breaks up with his girlfriend (Rashida Jones) because she Instagrams everything she eats.

Elaine is caught on video laughing at 9/11 memorial. @Gawker posts it & turns her into a pariah. Kramer claims to have invented the Snuggie.

George opens actual jerk store on Etsy.

Elaine pretends to live in Brooklyn to date a cute, younger guy. Kramer becomes addicted to 5 Hour Energy. George's parents get Skype.

Jerry joins Twitter only to find that a Jerry parody account has 50k followers. It's run by Bania who will stop if Jerry buys him dinner.
posted by Miko at 8:44 PM on December 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


I tried one:

Kramer becomes subject of ImprovEverywhere stunt, believes he is religious guru to dozens. Jerry rants about cupcakes.
posted by Miko at 8:44 PM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


And they say originality is dead in Hollywood. These are as perfect as ST:TNGS8
posted by Mezentian at 8:45 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


J. Peterman hires Elaine to write a '50 Shades' knock-off.

Jerry is invited to appear on Kenny Bania's podcast

posted by Miko at 8:46 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seinfeld's blog gets accidentally google-bombed by 4chan when Anonymous confuses him with Jerry Springer. Elaine auditions for a political sitcom centered around a fictional Vice President. Kramer claims he gave Matt the idea for MeFi when they both simultaneously grabbed the last remaining coffee filter at a shop. He is proven right when he is made weekend moderator and permabans Newman for self-linking.
posted by vidur at 8:48 PM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


I don't know if this person is the greatest genius that ever was or if this just means Seinfeld synopses are ludicrously easy to write.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:55 PM on December 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Seinfeld already is made today, but it is called Curb Your Enthusiasm.
posted by mike_bling at 8:58 PM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I don't know if this person is the greatest genius that ever was or if this just means Seinfeld synopses are ludicrously easy to write.

The latter...
posted by HuronBob at 9:00 PM on December 10, 2012


Yes, it was linked in the fourth comment as well.

And it is good, especially the Les Miserables episode.
posted by Miko at 9:08 PM on December 10, 2012


Seinfeld premises aren't the easy part of Seinfeld. The jokes themselves follow pretty standard templates.

It's only a matter of time before somebody starts flat-out writing entire Seinfeld scripts, at which point some sketch comedy group will realize their members' mannerisms perfectly reflect the Seinfeld cast's. Actually, fifteen groups will "realize" this, three will be half-right, and one will be so perfect NBC snatches them up, pays them buttloads of money, and forces them to churn out thirty seasons worth of material over the course of about a month.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:14 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


You don't think everyone already tried to duplicate Seinfeld?
posted by shakespeherian at 9:18 PM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'd say the thing about Seinfeld that makes its relatively simple format work is the characters are all cheerfully amoral and their being terrible people that fit well together is hilarious. Hell, the entire episode about Jerry learning to feel emotions is making a big joke about him actually caring about things and his delivery of a horrified "What is this SALTY DISCHARGE?" is fantastic. I think the real descendent of Seinfeld is It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (which I love but don't watch because I can feel it making me a worse person and I'm pretty bad as it is).
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:42 PM on December 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


Seinfeld may have pioneered the "entire cast is monsters" genre of sitcom, but I do feel that Always Sunny perfected it, yeah.
posted by kafziel at 9:48 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Same idea for ST:TNG here.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:14 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


ok perhaps wrong place to post about it, but the plots seem to hinge on a lot on internet phenomena and (wow strange that narcissism finds a place here!), I think there's only so much you can mine that, especially on a twitter feed.
posted by skepticallypleased at 10:15 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is the take-home message is that we've all become this neurotic, and living a life of constant, "nothings"
posted by alex_skazat at 10:38 PM on December 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'm too self obsessed to notice.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:13 PM on December 10, 2012


Jerry's Pandora station keeps playing Bania's comedy album. Kramer discovers Amazon Prime's free shipping policy. Elaine's niece charges thousands of dollars of freemium in-app purchases to Peterman's iPad.
posted by painquale at 11:21 PM on December 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


I would love to watch these. I miss Seinfeld. What's more, I miss saying 'oh look. I haven't seen this one.'
posted by Malice at 11:31 PM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Jerry and Elaine attend a few Tea Party group meetings on Long Island and realize they're tired of Kramer never having steady employment and always mooching from them. George stumbles down the street after his leg falls asleep on the subway, gets tasered by a NY city cop after a stop and frisk, and winds up in jail.
posted by dave78981 at 12:00 AM on December 11, 2012


Slap bass and pops replaced with ukuleles and humming.

Seinfeld may have pioneered the "entire cast is monsters" genre of sitcom, but I do feel that Always Sunny perfected it, yeah.

From the episodes I've seen, Always Sunny reminded me more of Married With Children, in that all the characters are portrayed as subhuman scheming morons, versus Seinfeld's normal-ish people who turn every situation bad because they are cursed to be themselves.
posted by fleacircus at 2:16 AM on December 11, 2012 [6 favorites]


George tries to reclaim his online life after outsourcing it to Bangalore. Siri breaks up with Jerry.
posted by Joe in Australia at 2:30 AM on December 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


These really are spot-on.
posted by threeants at 2:31 AM on December 11, 2012


Same idea (sort of) with Friendship is Magic: MLP Season 0, MLP:FiM Season 8
posted by cyberscythe at 6:18 AM on December 11, 2012


Most classic Seinfeld episodes are decidedly funny because the technology they use is outdated. The funniest technology episode was when George's father discovers computers after watching Sandra Bullock in The Net. This kind of thing reminds me that Seinfeld was probably the last pre-modern age comedy we will ever see on tv. The ubiquity of cell phones renders most of their plots virtually impossible to re-create. George speeds ahead of Jerry on way to Bubble Boy's house, Jerry calls George on cell, tells him to pull over at next rest stop to wait for him, both arrive at Bubble Boy's house together, George waits in car while Jerry signs autograph and leaves. End scene.
posted by any major dude at 6:32 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yes, but common sense was invented way before the internet and cell phones, and they never use any of that either. :-)

The one about Elaine laughing at the 9/11 memorial and getting turned into an internet pariah does sound like one of the main themes of Seinfeld writ large.
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:17 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


These are perfect. Just the right length, too. I wish all episodes of Seinfeld had been this long.
posted by papercake at 7:22 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I think the engine of Seinfeld humor isn't really the limitations of technology, but the negotiation of social norms. And the reason a lot of these internet/tech related ideas work is that we have evolving social norms around tech, and flouting them can create trouble - just like flouting social norms around, say, holiday donation cards, wedding invitations, getting busboys fired, wearing name tags, etc. created trouble.
posted by Miko at 8:02 AM on December 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


nah, still need to cut the fat a little

how about a twitter that only posts ideas for novelty twitter accounts
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 8:03 AM on December 11, 2012 [7 favorites]


Okay, Kramer accidentally joining the Tea Party is perfect.

You sure that was an accident?
posted by clarknova at 8:15 AM on December 11, 2012


Next, they should make a twitter feed as if they were still making Simpsons episodes.
posted by orme at 8:27 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Kramer claims to have invented the Snuggie

Nah. It would be more like Kramer goes to a lot of trouble and effort to make "the ultimate lounging garment, Jerry! Look, your arms will never be cold again!" to which Jerry responds drily, "Terrific. You just invented the Slanket." and the blinkers fall from Kramer's eyes as he realizes that he did indeed just invent something that already exists.

Hoo boy, I better not show this to my husband, he is Seinfeld obsessed. His life is filtered through Seinfeld glasses in the same way that some people relate to Remembrance of Things Past. If we are out shopping and I ask, "What do you think about these panties?" we have to watch the panty episode that night. Sometimes he will say "That is such a George thing to do" or shake his fist at the cat and gasp "Newman" (the cat is not named Newman.)
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:48 PM on December 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


Kramer's farmville care-taking business is in disarray after an Awl expose. Jerry tries desperately to get above 105p on Wonkette.
posted by drezdn at 4:07 PM on December 11, 2012


You know what this reminds me of? When I would read the original plot descriptions for episodes when the show was on the air. I'd say, "That sounds good." Then I'd watch the episode, and it was not good. 5 - 6 more times of this pattern, I said, "If only it were as good as promised." And I quit.
posted by CarlRossi at 9:47 PM on December 11, 2012


"Terrific. You just invented the Slanket."

Picturing the ideal delivery - Kramer is standing in the hall outside Jerry's bedroom, wearing his patched-together blanket-garment, and shouting to Jerry about the Wearable Blanket. As Jerry says "Terrific. You just invented the Slanket," he comes out of the bedroom wearing one, arms held out, and does a slow sarcastic turn with that grin-smirk on his face. Cue Kramer OorrRR?-take.

Secret Life of Gravy: I am just like your husband. Hardly a day goes by that I do not make some sort of Seinfeld reference ("Yankee Bean..." when eating something delicious; "It's very refreshing!" when offering mint or a gum...). I'm not sure why that stuff is so darn sticky in the brain. Fortunately my SO is also a fan and at least gets it.
posted by Miko at 6:07 AM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


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