Zeus's Affairs

December 12, 2012 8:44 AM

Zeus's Affairs - a visualization of all of Zeus's various affairs. The large black circles represent Zeus, the lines on the inside of the circles represent his 'lovers' (or victims), the colored lines connect them to their children on the outside of the circles.
posted by empath (35 comments total)

Well, that clears up a long term misunderstanding for me. Apparently Zeus didn't mount Olympus.
posted by twoleftfeet at 8:48 AM on December 12, 2012 [8 favorites]

LOL "Affairs"; it really was a simpler time.
posted by 2bucksplus at 8:53 AM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

who fucks a swan?
posted by The Whelk at 8:54 AM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Well it was a really hot swan! Also swans are among the few birds that have penises. The male ones do, anyway.
posted by Mister_A at 8:55 AM on December 12, 2012

who fucks a swan?

Zeus. Next.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 8:55 AM on December 12, 2012 [9 favorites]

That's pretty interesting. I've been re-reading The Odyssey and last night Odysseus is in the Land of the Dead hearing how his trip home will go for him, and then come all these dead women out of the ground, and so many of them fucked Zeus it's sort of amazing.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 8:57 AM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

The Whelk: "who fucks a swan?"

Oh, was that not rhetorical?
posted by boo_radley at 9:00 AM on December 12, 2012

This needs an additional field to visualize what animal/inanimate object Zeus was pretending to be at the time.

Technically, the swan fucks you. They are pretty aggressive animals. The real question is who fucks a shower of gold?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:03 AM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

Do not meddle in the affairs of Zeus, for he is quick to mount anything that moves, and several things that don't.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:04 AM on December 12, 2012 [7 favorites]

The real question is who fucks a shower of gold?

I dunno, you go to the right kind of bars and you could earn some good money asking that question.
posted by fight or flight at 9:04 AM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

This didn't do much for me as a visualization, I mostly found it confusing, but then I realized you can click on the authors in the sidebar and only the affairs they described would be connected. That made it better.
posted by OmieWise at 9:04 AM on December 12, 2012

But it's a really cool idea.
posted by OmieWise at 9:05 AM on December 12, 2012

Ooh, this is cool. I wish I weren't on my work computer, because I suspect the graphic would be more readable on my laptop.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 9:06 AM on December 12, 2012

My ten year old is currently going through that special time in every young woman's life where she has developed an interest in Greek mythology and looking up a lot of stuff in the dictionary and having her sexuality subtly influenced by Zeus's shenanigans.
posted by padraigin at 9:06 AM on December 12, 2012 [4 favorites]

Ah okay I get it, Swans have, are dicks.
posted by The Whelk at 9:08 AM on December 12, 2012

Obligatory Oglaf
posted by infinitewindow at 9:14 AM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Plus Zeus has a charisma of 25, even when appearing as a shower of gold or a swan or an iRiver music player.
posted by Mister_A at 9:14 AM on December 12, 2012

Mister_A: "Plus Zeus has a charisma of 25, even when appearing as a shower of gold or a swan or an iRiver music player."

What about a Zune?
posted by boo_radley at 9:23 AM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

I watched Immortals in the movie theater, and it was incoherent but OK, but the Zeus started with this "the gods must not meddle in the affairs of humans," and it was all I could do to not shout at the screen "What have you done with Zeus, you phoney?"

"Meddling" was pretty much all Zeus did!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:32 AM on December 12, 2012

Even as a youngster, I understood that the Greek myths were a melange of different traditions and thus overlapped and even contradicted each other. This seems sort of like charting all the things that happen to a DC superhero, Crisis notwithstanding.
posted by dhartung at 9:35 AM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

who fucks a swan?

We don't come to Metafilter for this kind of judgementalism. (Although we do have a generous variety of other kinds if you are on the lookout.)
posted by biffa at 9:41 AM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

who fucks a swan?

Would that be a flying fuck?
posted by binturong at 10:08 AM on December 12, 2012

Actually, in the the infographic I was searching for the Leda and her descendants Castor, Pollux, Helene but the inforgraphic has Nemesis as Helene's daughter. Also, note that this is not all the women, or men/boys that Zeus had affairs/rapes/kidnappings. I did not notice the inclusion of Ganymede.
posted by jadepearl at 10:09 AM on December 12, 2012

Is it just me, or is that graphic confusing and difficult to navigate?
posted by benito.strauss at 10:10 AM on December 12, 2012

It's not just you.
posted by axiom at 10:21 AM on December 12, 2012

who fucks a swan?

Not to mention who fucks a cow (Europa), a satyr (Antiope), a stallion (Dia), an ant (Eurymedousa, though to be fair she was also transformed into an ant, but then who would want ant sex in the first place?), and a pigeon (Phthia)?

On the other hand, given Hera's record of killing or doing other horrible things to his paramours, it's probably best that Zeus tried to cover his tracks.
posted by Cash4Lead at 10:23 AM on December 12, 2012

What kind of jerk doesn't fuck swans?
posted by monju_bosatsu at 10:28 AM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't fuck swans, and I resent the implication that that makes me a jerk.
posted by adamrice at 10:36 AM on December 12, 2012

Zagreus and Limos sure are lucky. They get Zeus as a father, grandfather, and granduncle!

offer not valid with all authors
posted by ckape at 10:56 AM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

boo_radley: " What about a Zune?"

Don't be silly!
posted by Mister_A at 11:49 AM on December 12, 2012

Remember that time Zeus transmogrified into a dildo? That was funny.
posted by Mister_A at 11:50 AM on December 12, 2012

adamrice: I don't fuck swans, and I resent the implication that that makes me a jerk.

You're not a jerk.

Ant-fucker.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:42 PM on December 12, 2012

Electra? Oh, not that Elektra. That makes more sense.
posted by ovvl at 4:38 PM on December 12, 2012

This seems appropriate...

Now the circle is complete!
posted by highway40 at 5:01 PM on December 12, 2012

Actually, it's missing that time when Zeus . . . er, I've said too much.
posted by straight at 6:45 PM on December 12, 2012