Her finger got stuck where, now?
December 19, 2012 4:02 PM Subscribe
Furry, damn it. I meant furry.
posted by vidur at 4:11 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by vidur at 4:11 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
Fcuk. They provided me a lot of laughter is what I am trying to say.
posted by vidur at 4:12 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by vidur at 4:12 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
I have a difficult time believing most of those are real.
posted by perhapses at 4:17 PM on December 19, 2012 [41 favorites]
posted by perhapses at 4:17 PM on December 19, 2012 [41 favorites]
So what's funny here is that they are all so obviously fake right? I'm not familiar with this site.
posted by 2bucksplus at 4:18 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by 2bucksplus at 4:18 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Reminds me of a story I have told before: at an old job we had a client in Japan named Mr. Hotaka. I was writing him a letter and Microsoft Word suggested it should be "Mr. Hotcakes." Amused, I printed out a screen capture showing this suggestion to share around the office. I left it at one person's desk and she freaked out, thinking that she had somehow sent him a letter calling him Mr. Hotcakes.
posted by exogenous at 4:19 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by exogenous at 4:19 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
My boyfriend's phone autocorrected "motherfucker" (after he sliced a giant chunk of his finger off and was telling his friend what it hurt like) to "Muppet fucker." Autocorrect does weird things.
posted by ChuraChura at 4:20 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 4:20 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
These are all the fakest fakes ever to fake, but I admit that I lol'd heartily at EPIC PENIS.
posted by elizardbits at 4:21 PM on December 19, 2012 [15 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 4:21 PM on December 19, 2012 [15 favorites]
I'm not familiar with this site.
You haven't heard of buzzfeed or damnyouautocorrect? Although, either answer strains credulity.
posted by mrnutty at 4:22 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
You haven't heard of buzzfeed or damnyouautocorrect? Although, either answer strains credulity.
posted by mrnutty at 4:22 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
I don't know, sometimes autocorrect is legitimately this funny, especially if it's one of those phones that learns your word usage. One time I told my friend not to eat dinner because my roommate was fucking humans (making gumbo).
posted by WidgetAlley at 4:24 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by WidgetAlley at 4:24 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
I can't say that I think "I love your shaved pork" is really that much better. Or realistic.
posted by DU at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by DU at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
No no, he's not familiar with this site. You know. In that way. That familiar way.
posted by ook at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by ook at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2012
The unbearable lightness of being.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:26 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:26 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
I mean exactly how many times are you texting the word SKITTLEFART such that it gets added to your dictionary?
posted by shakespeherian at 4:27 PM on December 19, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 4:27 PM on December 19, 2012 [9 favorites]
I realize these probably aren't real but I don't care, they bring me to hysterics every time.
If I am ever on a rampage and need to be stopped just show me damnyouautocorrect or a book of misheard song lyrics and I'll be incapacitated with laughter within a minute or two.
posted by smartyboots at 4:29 PM on December 19, 2012 [23 favorites]
If I am ever on a rampage and need to be stopped just show me damnyouautocorrect or a book of misheard song lyrics and I'll be incapacitated with laughter within a minute or two.
posted by smartyboots at 4:29 PM on December 19, 2012 [23 favorites]
I'm almost afraid to click this cause last year I literally ended up in the literal floor, literally rolling around in laughter.
posted by The Whelk at 4:30 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 4:30 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
Why on earth do these things make me cry with laughter?
posted by fullerine at 4:32 PM on December 19, 2012 [26 favorites]
posted by fullerine at 4:32 PM on December 19, 2012 [26 favorites]
what could possess auto-correct to use fuckweasel for fuchsia. I don't use auto-correct on my phone so not familiar with its algorithm. Does it maintain a list of frequent phrases? The only way I could put fuck and weasel together would be a user generated word list...
posted by pdxpogo at 4:32 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by pdxpogo at 4:32 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
The parent-kid ones just slay me because of the Things I Do Not Want to Imagine My Mother Ever Ever Saying, Ever factor.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:33 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:33 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
It's generally safe to assume that the autocorrects on that site are staged.
posted by dunkadunc at 4:34 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by dunkadunc at 4:34 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
My phone also corrects "motherfucker" to "movieducker" and I never, ever fix it.
posted by WidgetAlley at 4:38 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by WidgetAlley at 4:38 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
I mean exactly how many times are you texting the word SKITTLEFART such that it gets added to your dictionary?
and just like that, shakes' usernote made itself known
posted by elizardbits at 4:38 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
and just like that, shakes' usernote made itself known
posted by elizardbits at 4:38 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Not too many people are aware of how Autocorrect works, so let me explain. As you are texting on your iPhone, the texts are immediately sent to a huge Apple facility where they are passed on to the next available Autocorrect Genius, who attempts to decipher what you are actually trying to type. The Autocorrect Genius then sends the result to your phone where, no matter what you do, their suggestion overrides your typing. Apple is still perfecting their hiring process and attempting to weed out Geniuses who spend too much time watching porn online while waiting for texts to correct.
posted by perhapses at 4:43 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by perhapses at 4:43 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
SKITTLEFART!
posted by Mister_A at 4:43 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 4:43 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I mean exactly how many times are you texting the word SKITTLEFART such that it gets added to your dictionary?
I can't speak to all phones, but on my android, exactly once. You enter a word it doesn't recognize and it makes suggestions, when you select the word you're trying to type from the options it is added to your dictionary as a valid option. My phone will autocomplete hokeydoke, schweetie, and soon to be added skittletits.
posted by calamari kid at 4:44 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
I can't speak to all phones, but on my android, exactly once. You enter a word it doesn't recognize and it makes suggestions, when you select the word you're trying to type from the options it is added to your dictionary as a valid option. My phone will autocomplete hokeydoke, schweetie, and soon to be added skittletits.
posted by calamari kid at 4:44 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
Wait, does this mean you're not going to shave my lesbians?
posted by The Whelk at 4:44 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 4:44 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
At least in SwiftKey (which is the most adaptive of the adapting keyboards), it's particularly annoying if you use abnormal capitalization the first time you write a word. It will thereafter always offer to complete the word in ALLCAPS, or however you wrote it that first time.
So in short, the SORRYIATETHELASTWAFFLE thing is completely believable.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 4:47 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
So in short, the SORRYIATETHELASTWAFFLE thing is completely believable.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 4:47 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Combined with the H+ thread I assume the future will be all improperly commication obscenities directly into each others brains.
posted by The Whelk at 4:48 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 4:48 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Look I said I would shave the lesbians, so that's what I'm gonna do.
posted by Mister_A at 4:51 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 4:51 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
and just like that, shakes' usernote made itself known
Redefining my usernote is basically my daily goal.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:53 PM on December 19, 2012
Redefining my usernote is basically my daily goal.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:53 PM on December 19, 2012
Jeeezus. Fake or not. autocorrect failures are the only thing that make me laugh so hard I think I'm going to pass out.
posted by gofargogo at 4:54 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by gofargogo at 4:54 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
I don't care if these are fake, because they are hilarious and make me squeal.
Furthermore, "This morning I choked a goat and pissed in my coffee," is going to go into heavy rotation at my house, I can tell you.
posted by Pecinpah at 5:10 PM on December 19, 2012 [7 favorites]
Furthermore, "This morning I choked a goat and pissed in my coffee," is going to go into heavy rotation at my house, I can tell you.
posted by Pecinpah at 5:10 PM on December 19, 2012 [7 favorites]
How do we know these things are obviously fake? I have experienced autocorrects as bad as these...although, I suppose, I didn't send. So maybe that's why they're fake?
In any case, my fiancee and I were snorting. A lot.
posted by oneironaut at 5:12 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
In any case, my fiancee and I were snorting. A lot.
posted by oneironaut at 5:12 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't care that these are fake. I was depressed all day. Now I feel a little better.
One time, my brother sent a message saying he had gotten a good grade or something. I tried to text back "Awwww yeah," but it came out "Awwww yearning."
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:13 PM on December 19, 2012 [8 favorites]
One time, my brother sent a message saying he had gotten a good grade or something. I tried to text back "Awwww yeah," but it came out "Awwww yearning."
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:13 PM on December 19, 2012 [8 favorites]
Fake or not fake... my coworkers now all think I'm insane or dying or both b/c of the choked chortling snorts emanating from my cube.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:16 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:16 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
oh my god choking tears of laughter and screaming.
oh li'l droid. i appreciate your staid reliability and qwerty keyboard, but sometimes, i wish you would surprise me with a fuckweasel at the most awkward possible moment.
not that i wouldn't just go ahead and type it myself.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:21 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
oh li'l droid. i appreciate your staid reliability and qwerty keyboard, but sometimes, i wish you would surprise me with a fuckweasel at the most awkward possible moment.
not that i wouldn't just go ahead and type it myself.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:21 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
fakey fake fake, but loved it if only for the "is that Kim Jong Il?" near the end.
posted by xbonesgt at 5:24 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by xbonesgt at 5:24 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
I don't care if they're fake or not. I just laughed heartily for the first time in weeks. Damn You, Seasonal Effervescent Destroyer!
*Sea serpent Affective Disneycougar
*Skittlefart Artfickle Disorder
bah
posted by Elly Vortex at 5:25 PM on December 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
*Sea serpent Affective Disneycougar
*Skittlefart Artfickle Disorder
bah
posted by Elly Vortex at 5:25 PM on December 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
I used to think these were fake, but then I got a tablet with autocorrect. I seriously never know what nonsense to expect. I kind of wonder if the developers didn't put a random word generator for every 112th word. Seriously, it replaced 'that' with 'ghetto' the other day.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 5:28 PM on December 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by [insert clever name here] at 5:28 PM on December 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
I've had mine autocorrect to words that I didn't even know were in the dictionary.
posted by Autumn at 5:32 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by Autumn at 5:32 PM on December 19, 2012
I would also like scientists around the world to drop what they’re doing and work on figuring out why these things are so freakin’ funny to me. There may have been actual tears.
posted by bongo_x at 5:42 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by bongo_x at 5:42 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
Doesn't anybody bother to read the 5 or 6 words they just typed before they hit senf?
posted by Flashman at 5:46 PM on December 19, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by Flashman at 5:46 PM on December 19, 2012 [11 favorites]
GOD DONKEY!
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 5:47 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 5:47 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
I don't know how these people got their genitals stuck in their autocorrect dictionaries…
posted by acb at 5:48 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by acb at 5:48 PM on December 19, 2012
what could possess auto-correct to use fuckweasel for fuchsia. I don't use auto-correct on my phone so not familiar with its algorithm. Does it maintain a list of frequent phrases? The only way I could put fuck and weasel together would be a user generated word list...
One of my Twitter contacts once reported, with some delight, that Autocorrect suggested the word “fuckwobble” to him; delight, because it meant that he must have at some point used such an inexplicable and yet euphonious word.
posted by acb at 5:51 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
One of my Twitter contacts once reported, with some delight, that Autocorrect suggested the word “fuckwobble” to him; delight, because it meant that he must have at some point used such an inexplicable and yet euphonious word.
posted by acb at 5:51 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am bringing GOD DONKEY into general usage. It is my New Year's resolution.
posted by Go Banana at 5:52 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Go Banana at 5:52 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
I totally missed meeting up with some friends because the ipad I was using autocorrected "noon" to "no one". I got there at 12, waited for half an hour and left and they got there at 1. All I know is my blackberry would have never made that "correction".
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 5:55 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 5:55 PM on December 19, 2012
I can't in any way rationalize or figure out why Damn You Autocorrects make me lose my shit the way they do. Most funny things online make me maaaaaaybe crack a little smile, but a good DYAC has me literally almost falling out of my chair.
posted by threeants at 5:56 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by threeants at 5:56 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
wawa skittletits
posted by threeants at 5:56 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by threeants at 5:56 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
I read this earlier today and my daughter rushed into my bedroom all alarmed because she heard my half-stifled fits of laughter, saw me lying in bed red-faced with tears streaming down, and thought I needed a doctor.
posted by Ruki at 6:02 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by Ruki at 6:02 PM on December 19, 2012
I call fake. Chickens have cloacas, not vaginas.
posted by sourwookie at 6:03 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by sourwookie at 6:03 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
I can't in any way rationalize or figure out why Damn You Autocorrects make me lose my shit the way they do.
Oh God, me too. It's just something about the typos fighting back that gets me.
posted by restless_nomad at 6:04 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
Oh God, me too. It's just something about the typos fighting back that gets me.
posted by restless_nomad at 6:04 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
RECEBTLY I DISCOBSRED THAT IF YOU USE CAPS LICK ON YOUR IPHOND IT DOESN'T DI AUROCORRECT. I GUESS IT THINKS EVERYTHINF IS ACROBMYBS?
Also I discobsred that I am really, really bad at typing on my iPhone.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:09 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Also I discobsred that I am really, really bad at typing on my iPhone.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:09 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
I think it must be some kind of primate social discomfort empathic identification thing -- the internal struggle between appalled sympathy and glee at the broken taboo. Kind of like those kid-jokes that rely on making the unwitting mark say a bad word, like "Mommy I C.U.P."
Whatever, it reliably makes me laugh until I am red-faced and squeaking.
posted by ottereroticist at 6:14 PM on December 19, 2012
Whatever, it reliably makes me laugh until I am red-faced and squeaking.
posted by ottereroticist at 6:14 PM on December 19, 2012
Brilliant stuff. Tangentially this reminds me of one of my favourite scenes from Steven Moffat's UK series Coupling which pretty much sums up the Inevitability of Jane.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 6:37 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 6:37 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Wawa Skittletits was the name of Charlie Browns teacher.
posted by dr_dank at 6:41 PM on December 19, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 6:41 PM on December 19, 2012 [11 favorites]
You haven't lived until you've inherited the autocorrect of some guy whose phone you've bought off craigslist in one of North Carolina's less picturesque towns.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 6:44 PM on December 19, 2012 [18 favorites]
posted by villanelles at dawn at 6:44 PM on December 19, 2012 [18 favorites]
calamari kid: I can't speak to all phones, but on my android, exactly once. You enter a word it doesn't recognize and it makes suggestions, when you select the word you're trying to type from the options it is added to your dictionary as a valid option.
This is how it worked on my old (dumb)phone with T9, as well. It didn't have any more embarrassing results than me telling people i'll pdf you later though.
posted by capricorn at 6:45 PM on December 19, 2012
This is how it worked on my old (dumb)phone with T9, as well. It didn't have any more embarrassing results than me telling people i'll pdf you later though.
posted by capricorn at 6:45 PM on December 19, 2012
Fake or not, those were funny as hell... some caused actual, physical pain from laughter.
I didn't think Metafilter was supposed to hurt.
posted by Malor at 6:46 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I didn't think Metafilter was supposed to hurt.
posted by Malor at 6:46 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
This is, I swear, an entirely true story.
So, years ago, in the stone age, I worked for the Burroughs Corporation. Times changed, as they do, and Burroughs was merged with Sperry to form a new dwarf named Unisys.
And so, a few days after the announcement, I was writing a document in WordPerfect and the spellchecker thoughtfully offered an alternate: Anuses.
I paused. Go with this? Naw, I thought. But it was tempting, I tell you.
posted by SPrintF at 6:47 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
So, years ago, in the stone age, I worked for the Burroughs Corporation. Times changed, as they do, and Burroughs was merged with Sperry to form a new dwarf named Unisys.
And so, a few days after the announcement, I was writing a document in WordPerfect and the spellchecker thoughtfully offered an alternate: Anuses.
I paused. Go with this? Naw, I thought. But it was tempting, I tell you.
posted by SPrintF at 6:47 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
Er, more specifically, if you ever added a word to the dictionary, it would then be the first word T9 would suggest for that key combination.
posted by capricorn at 6:47 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by capricorn at 6:47 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I cried with laughter reading these. I feel like the Kim Jong Il comment is exactly like something a mom would say, so I'm going to go ahead and believe that one is real. At any rate, here's my favorite AskME autocorrect:
"I find you very attractive, but you're only getting a BHUTAN tonight because I'm on my period." It's the twenty-first century. Feel free to substitute a euphemism for "on my period" (although educated women with self-respect will not tend to use one), but there's no reason to lie.
posted by halogen at 10:14 PM on December 13, 2010 [+] [!]
Oh holy shit autocorrect on Android. Bhutan = blowjob. Not sure what happened there.
posted by halogen at 10:16 PM on December 13, 2010 [−] [!]
posted by oneirodynia at 7:00 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
"I find you very attractive, but you're only getting a BHUTAN tonight because I'm on my period." It's the twenty-first century. Feel free to substitute a euphemism for "on my period" (although educated women with self-respect will not tend to use one), but there's no reason to lie.
posted by halogen at 10:14 PM on December 13, 2010 [+] [!]
Oh holy shit autocorrect on Android. Bhutan = blowjob. Not sure what happened there.
posted by halogen at 10:16 PM on December 13, 2010 [−] [!]
posted by oneirodynia at 7:00 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
I haven't had any really funny autocorrect incidents, but ever since my phone made me say "Oh Hans" instead of "Oh haha" in a text to my brother I've found this site to be much more believable.
posted by Dismantled King at 7:02 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by Dismantled King at 7:02 PM on December 19, 2012
I do remember there was a brief window of time in the mid-90s when Microsoft Word for Mac didn't recognize childcare and suggested kidnap instead.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:02 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 7:02 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
Oh wow.. how long was I stuck inside BuzzFeed?
posted by vidur at 7:03 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by vidur at 7:03 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Hey, did you guys make it to the poop party back in August? Now that was some splishin' and splashing!
posted by porn in the woods at 7:13 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by porn in the woods at 7:13 PM on December 19, 2012
also I wasn't aware that there was a non-autistic live version of "Hotel California"
posted by porn in the woods at 7:15 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by porn in the woods at 7:15 PM on December 19, 2012 [2 favorites]
My all time favorite word suggestion would have to be when I began to type a text to my husband saying "At ballet" and I missed the space. When I'd typed "Atb", I glanced at my phone's suggestion options, and it was apparently convinced that the word I was about to type was RATBAGS.
According to the intarweb, it's Australian slang for "a stupid, eccentric, or disagreeable person." Now, this is a phone that I had to teach sushi, teriyaki, and taco. (Apparently I text about food a lot.) It thinks Polish is always capitalized, even when it's nail polish. Every time I inadvertently type "waa" it thinks I meant "qaa" instead of "was." But RATBAGS is readily available and eager to be used.
On the plus side, I can now call people that and most of them don't know what it means. I was reading one of Mike Carey's Felix Castor novels last month and one of the characters calls another a ratbag, and I just about died laughing.
posted by skycrashesdown at 7:17 PM on December 19, 2012 [7 favorites]
According to the intarweb, it's Australian slang for "a stupid, eccentric, or disagreeable person." Now, this is a phone that I had to teach sushi, teriyaki, and taco. (Apparently I text about food a lot.) It thinks Polish is always capitalized, even when it's nail polish. Every time I inadvertently type "waa" it thinks I meant "qaa" instead of "was." But RATBAGS is readily available and eager to be used.
On the plus side, I can now call people that and most of them don't know what it means. I was reading one of Mike Carey's Felix Castor novels last month and one of the characters calls another a ratbag, and I just about died laughing.
posted by skycrashesdown at 7:17 PM on December 19, 2012 [7 favorites]
Fake or not, McDonkadonk is going to be my name for the Golden Arches from here on out.
(Though using is it now may mean I start accidentally signing things Mike McDonkadonk.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:20 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
(Though using is it now may mean I start accidentally signing things Mike McDonkadonk.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:20 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
Mom it's Britney spears
posted by wallabear at 7:24 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by wallabear at 7:24 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
My phone knows the truths hidden deep in my heart and utters what my fingers dare not type: it autocorrects "Biden" to "Vixen."
posted by Westringia F. at 7:29 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by Westringia F. at 7:29 PM on December 19, 2012 [5 favorites]
I text a lot with a friend, and the best autocorrect ever happened when I was trying to say that something was extra hilarious by typing "hilarious" as "Hi-larious." But autocorrect helpfully changed it to "Hi-Latinos" before I realized and hit send. So now "hi-Latinos" has become our new way to say that something is funny.
posted by mothershock at 7:32 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by mothershock at 7:32 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
I believe some of them may be staged, but I also believe that the auto-correct is an asshole.
A friend told me they got engaged, so I tried to send a hearty "congrats!" My auto-correct changed it to "Contracts!" >.<
posted by tkappleton at 7:33 PM on December 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
A friend told me they got engaged, so I tried to send a hearty "congrats!" My auto-correct changed it to "Contracts!" >.<
posted by tkappleton at 7:33 PM on December 19, 2012 [4 favorites]
Like, I'm even having trouble breathing reading about ratbags and Hi-Latinos. This shit tickles some crazy-ass part of my brain.
posted by threeants at 7:53 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by threeants at 7:53 PM on December 19, 2012 [6 favorites]
My boyfriend is in bed next to me... and I'm having a very hard time not waking him up laughing.
Fake or no, hilarious. Also, when people keep trying to correct themselves and can't? Priceless.
posted by sherber at 7:54 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Fake or no, hilarious. Also, when people keep trying to correct themselves and can't? Priceless.
posted by sherber at 7:54 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
the deep penis one made me lose my cool in a serious way
posted by SharkParty at 7:55 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by SharkParty at 7:55 PM on December 19, 2012
I have no problem believing that some, most, or even all of these are real. Autocorrect is the DEVIL.
posted by tzikeh at 8:14 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by tzikeh at 8:14 PM on December 19, 2012
Since I once texted someone I care deeply about "is it cock tonight?" because apparently 'cold' mistyped as 'colkd' obviously should be 'cock,' and it autocorrected the word when I hit send, I am unwilling to reject all of them as fake.
posted by sonic meat machine at 8:17 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by sonic meat machine at 8:17 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Some are almost certainly fake, but are no less funny for it. My wife asked me "Are you ok?" because I was trying not to laugh out loud and disrupt her watching a tv show.
posted by owtytrof at 9:01 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by owtytrof at 9:01 PM on December 19, 2012
I realize these probably aren't real but I don't care, they bring me to hysterics every time.
True this. My roommate became alarmed at the noises I was making in the kitchen reading these because she thought I had burst into tears; I was just trying not to howl with laughter. There were tears, but not that kind. Fake, real, whatever, it works for me.
posted by jokeefe at 9:04 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
True this. My roommate became alarmed at the noises I was making in the kitchen reading these because she thought I had burst into tears; I was just trying not to howl with laughter. There were tears, but not that kind. Fake, real, whatever, it works for me.
posted by jokeefe at 9:04 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
Wait, does this mean you're not going to shave my lesbians?
posted by The Whelk at 4:44 PM on December 19 [3 favorites +] [!]
Hi. Pubic employee here. I have two weeks off. Contact me.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:07 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 4:44 PM on December 19 [3 favorites +] [!]
Hi. Pubic employee here. I have two weeks off. Contact me.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:07 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
Part of the reason they're such good jokes is that there is the original mistake, which is funny enough, and then the 'topper' in the form of the 'straight' reply. A one-two punch to the funny bone.
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 9:14 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 9:14 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am about to give an hour-long presentation to a large number of people in Bangalore, over the phone + webcam. If I take so much as a peek at this now, I will giggle my way through the whole thing. No way, DYAC, no way.
posted by davejay at 9:28 PM on December 19, 2012
posted by davejay at 9:28 PM on December 19, 2012
My phone apparently thinks "weekend" = "enema," leading me to text friends that Mr. 'drillo and I were in Chicago for an enema. The responses were interesting.
posted by Cocodrillo at 9:48 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Cocodrillo at 9:48 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
threeants: "Like, I'm even having trouble breathing reading about ratbags and Hi-Latinos. This shit tickles some crazy-ass part of my brain."
OMG ME TOO!!!
I mean, I read this article this morning via Facebook, and seriously alarmed my cat with all the wheezing and squealing and tears.
Now, just reading this thread, I have tears streaming down my face and my peals of laughter are probably disturbing my neighbors' sleep.
I don't know what kind of funny pills they put in these things, but I clearly cannot get enough of autocorrect hijinx.
posted by Superplin at 9:53 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
OMG ME TOO!!!
I mean, I read this article this morning via Facebook, and seriously alarmed my cat with all the wheezing and squealing and tears.
Now, just reading this thread, I have tears streaming down my face and my peals of laughter are probably disturbing my neighbors' sleep.
I don't know what kind of funny pills they put in these things, but I clearly cannot get enough of autocorrect hijinx.
posted by Superplin at 9:53 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
How do we know these things are obviously fake?
They were created in fake iPhone text generators.
Many of the screencaps use a font that isn't even in the iPhone.
posted by charlie don't surf at 10:01 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
They were created in fake iPhone text generators.
Many of the screencaps use a font that isn't even in the iPhone.
posted by charlie don't surf at 10:01 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
To be fair, being a hamster is hella tight.
turns out I could have read these without giggling, at all. not sure if it is my mood, or DYAC going downhill.
posted by davejay at 10:25 PM on December 19, 2012
turns out I could have read these without giggling, at all. not sure if it is my mood, or DYAC going downhill.
posted by davejay at 10:25 PM on December 19, 2012
Can't sleep, reading this in bed, laughed so hard I had to get up to pee. I thought I was the only freak who found DYAC so hi-Latinos.
posted by desjardins at 11:07 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by desjardins at 11:07 PM on December 19, 2012 [1 favorite]
I really should not have just taught my phone that…
posted by desjardins at 11:07 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 11:07 PM on December 19, 2012 [3 favorites]
I can't in any way rationalize or figure out why Damn You Autocorrects make me lose my shit the way they do.
Damnyouautocorrects are good old-fashioned id humour. They portray the id as mechanical, alien, external to the body and triumphant. Other forms of humour like this personify the id, but it is far more satisfying to have the id represented as inhuman and other, both because the recognition/horror is sharper and because it satisfies a simultaneous urge towards/fear of the id separating itself entirely from the voluntary body and locating itself in the outside where it cannot be repressed and where the ego cannot be held responsible for its actions. The funniest autocorrects usually take the form: "A parent says something sexual to a child/ a child says something sexual to a parent, but only because the phone made them do it." The id wants to take this form, and the ego feels both terrified and literally ecstatic. This is a very good recipe for laughter.
posted by Acheman at 12:36 AM on December 20, 2012 [12 favorites]
Damnyouautocorrects are good old-fashioned id humour. They portray the id as mechanical, alien, external to the body and triumphant. Other forms of humour like this personify the id, but it is far more satisfying to have the id represented as inhuman and other, both because the recognition/horror is sharper and because it satisfies a simultaneous urge towards/fear of the id separating itself entirely from the voluntary body and locating itself in the outside where it cannot be repressed and where the ego cannot be held responsible for its actions. The funniest autocorrects usually take the form: "A parent says something sexual to a child/ a child says something sexual to a parent, but only because the phone made them do it." The id wants to take this form, and the ego feels both terrified and literally ecstatic. This is a very good recipe for laughter.
posted by Acheman at 12:36 AM on December 20, 2012 [12 favorites]
Add me to the "don't care that they're fake – they made me laugh so hard my head hurt" list.
posted by damonism at 12:39 AM on December 20, 2012
posted by damonism at 12:39 AM on December 20, 2012
I was reading those, finding them all fairly amusing, and then got to the Kim Jong Il one and actually cried with laughter. Seriously. There was actual weeping.
posted by badmoonrising at 2:51 AM on December 20, 2012
posted by badmoonrising at 2:51 AM on December 20, 2012
Count me in as one who is damned curious as to the mechanics surrounding these. The avataristic horror/shame trigger sounds likely, with the laughter almost as a defense mechanism, but that doesn't explain why "Is that kim il jong?" just fucking kills me.
Perhaps it's the contrast to the sexualised ones that break the tension, but the earlier cogs, cogs, COGS had me rolling in the aisles too. I have previously noticed you can't read too many at a time (about 3 pages on the original site) before you numb whatever the response is, and they just aren't at all as funny, so be careful to ration yourself!
TLDR: I think the most part of them are real and they pretty much all make me do that wheezy, teary laugh that has been so well described above. When Parents Text scratches a similar itch.
posted by Iteki at 4:37 AM on December 20, 2012
Perhaps it's the contrast to the sexualised ones that break the tension, but the earlier cogs, cogs, COGS had me rolling in the aisles too. I have previously noticed you can't read too many at a time (about 3 pages on the original site) before you numb whatever the response is, and they just aren't at all as funny, so be careful to ration yourself!
TLDR: I think the most part of them are real and they pretty much all make me do that wheezy, teary laugh that has been so well described above. When Parents Text scratches a similar itch.
posted by Iteki at 4:37 AM on December 20, 2012
I'm definitely having bitchgobblet potatoes for dinner tonight.
posted by Decani at 4:41 AM on December 20, 2012
posted by Decani at 4:41 AM on December 20, 2012
I can believe a lot of these are real. My sisters post to Facebook from their phones and have ended up with some pretty hilarious autocorrect mishaps. I wish I could remember the one that almost made me tip off my chair from laughing so hard when I read it. It got even more funny when she didn't notice it for several hours and the comments started rolling in.
posted by Jalliah at 4:44 AM on December 20, 2012
charlie don't surf writes "
They were created in fake iPhone text generators.
Many of the screencaps use a font that isn't even in the iPhone."
It's possible that many of these are both genuine and the result of the text generator. People could be using the generators to get a nice display of an actual series of texts.
posted by Mitheral at 5:09 AM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]
They were created in fake iPhone text generators.
Many of the screencaps use a font that isn't even in the iPhone."
It's possible that many of these are both genuine and the result of the text generator. People could be using the generators to get a nice display of an actual series of texts.
posted by Mitheral at 5:09 AM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]
I would assume they're all recreated even if they're genuine because it's not like you can take a screenshot, can you?
posted by kmz at 7:14 AM on December 20, 2012
posted by kmz at 7:14 AM on December 20, 2012
Annnnnd 5 seconds of Google later, oops.
posted by kmz at 7:15 AM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by kmz at 7:15 AM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]
I guess it says something about my age that I also thought it was Kim Jong Il.
posted by chundo at 7:17 AM on December 20, 2012
posted by chundo at 7:17 AM on December 20, 2012
Wow, I have never used autocorrect and I didn't even crack a smile at these. Reading all your comments has made me so happy to know all the joy you all got from it and now I am wilting under the weight of a bitter, crushing, isolated sadness because I cannot taste life's joys with my fellow man.
I hope you're all sanctified with yourselves.
posted by TheRedArmy at 8:38 AM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]
I hope you're all sanctified with yourselves.
posted by TheRedArmy at 8:38 AM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]
I always start off with a sour expression because they're so obviously fake, then after about ten or so one will get me to crack a smile, then three more and I'm weeping with laughter and the dog is huffing off to sleep somewhere quiet.
posted by HotToddy at 9:39 AM on December 20, 2012
posted by HotToddy at 9:39 AM on December 20, 2012
My wife once texted me the refrain lyrics from "New York Minute", the part that goes "oooo eee oooo" and autocorrect changed it to "ooo ooo Polio". True story.
posted by mcstayinskool at 12:05 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by mcstayinskool at 12:05 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]
Dictated "motherfucker" to my android phone today. It autocorrected it to "mother fucker".
Top that!!!
posted by IAmBroom at 4:07 PM on December 20, 2012
Top that!!!
posted by IAmBroom at 4:07 PM on December 20, 2012
The comments here about RATBAGS and Hi-Latinos are cracking me up more than the actual site.
My mom is a nurse that doesn't swear at all and administers a prescription to me monthly, so I did text her once asking if she could do my B12 shit next week.
posted by stefnet at 4:15 PM on December 20, 2012
My mom is a nurse that doesn't swear at all and administers a prescription to me monthly, so I did text her once asking if she could do my B12 shit next week.
posted by stefnet at 4:15 PM on December 20, 2012
I think the best thing about this is that several decades from now, the hilarity these jokes currently provoke will be as incomprehensibly unhilarious to future generations as vaudeville acts are to us. Wawa skittletits.
posted by mudpuppie at 7:14 PM on December 20, 2012
posted by mudpuppie at 7:14 PM on December 20, 2012
My boyfriend and I laughed until we cried at these! HA! I can also vouch for a phone getting one weird word stuck in autocorrect. I typed the word "fart" once - ONCE - in a text and from then on, anytime I started a word that started with the letter F, it helpfully suggested fart.
posted by Aquifer at 7:49 PM on December 20, 2012
posted by Aquifer at 7:49 PM on December 20, 2012
I was reading those, finding them all fairly amusing, and then got to the Kim Jong Il one and actually cried with laughter. Seriously. There was actual weeping.
Me too, I'm tearing up just thinking about it.
posted by photo guy at 8:04 PM on December 20, 2012
Me too, I'm tearing up just thinking about it.
posted by photo guy at 8:04 PM on December 20, 2012
I once responded "Gaaaaaaaaah!" to something my friend had sent me, and Apple helpfully autocorrected it to "Galahad!" I definitely believe that most of these are plausible, even as I know that most of them are also faked.
posted by KathrynT at 8:09 PM on December 20, 2012
posted by KathrynT at 8:09 PM on December 20, 2012
This is, in fairness, totally my own fault for not paying attention, but today I texted a friend to let him know I will apparently be playing a "lawful neutral, half orchestra monk" in his D&D game. Time to teach my phone "orc." (Which I guess is still better than playing a ratbag.)
posted by skycrashesdown at 10:17 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by skycrashesdown at 10:17 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]
Does anyone else's iPhone auto-change "MetaFilter" to "Meth Lab"? It's actually kinda annoying.
posted by Wordshore at 10:54 AM on December 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 10:54 AM on December 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
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