Regular expressions against IMDb

December 20, 2012 11:58 AM

replace heart with butt
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 (293 comments total)

Lost it at "The Boy with the Cuckoo-Clock Butt."
posted by griphus at 12:00 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

best post contest winner
posted by elizardbits at 12:00 PM on December 20, 2012 [21 favorites]

Oh my god, why is it so funny?
posted by something something at 12:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

Gives whole new meaning to "paddles of life."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yup.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:01 PM on December 20, 2012

The Butt Is a Lonely Hunter

this noise I am making is so far beyond an obnoxious cackle, idek what to call it.
posted by elizardbits at 12:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

If you'd like to do this in a more real-time fashion, there's always liblr.com.
posted by curious nu at 12:02 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

"The Butt Is Deceitful Above All Things"

I am getting fired today.
posted by griphus at 12:02 PM on December 20, 2012 [17 favorites]

This is like one of those awesome Twitter hashtag games that always shut down my productivity, like #ReplacebandnameswithDalek. Haven't seen one of those come up in a while.
posted by jbickers at 12:02 PM on December 20, 2012

At first I was like

:-|

and then I reached "I Butt Huckabees" and then

xD I lol'd
posted by adamdschneider at 12:03 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

Relatedly, like just barely relatedly in only the most tenuous of ways, Choice of Games has a couple of new games out, with more "fill in the blank" naming options than usual. I spent the afternoon playing some space adventure wherein my fictional home planet was ponystan and our intergalactic enemies were the dreaded butts.

oh how i laughed
posted by elizardbits at 12:03 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

butts lol
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:03 PM on December 20, 2012 [10 favorites]

A Dream Is a Wish Your Butt Makes: The Annette Funicello Story

halp
posted by elizardbits at 12:04 PM on December 20, 2012 [41 favorites]

I Am Trying to Break Your Butt

I am only so strong a man. teeheeheeheeheeBAHAHAHAHA
posted by psoas at 12:04 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Okay, how many did it take before this broke you? I got through # 12.
posted by Think_Long at 12:06 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Two Fists, One Butt

I am pretty sure this is an actual movie though.
posted by elizardbits at 12:06 PM on December 20, 2012 [47 favorites]

Between this and the autocorrect fpp thank god I have my own office now. No one else will be subjected to my chortling, snorting, crying, falling out of my chair, etc.
posted by rtha at 12:06 PM on December 20, 2012

A Hole in My Butt (2004)
yep
posted by arsey at 12:07 PM on December 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

Deep in My Butt (1954)

The 50s were very different than what I was led to believe, apparently.
posted by elizardbits at 12:07 PM on December 20, 2012 [10 favorites]

Nice, this reminds me of a game we played waiting in line for rides at Six Flags where we changed movie titles to refer to Wolverine.
posted by MrBobaFett at 12:08 PM on December 20, 2012

I was reading these thinking: "This is a pretty thin post, East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94. I expected better of you."

Then: The Broken Butts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000)

Now my face is stuck in permalaugh. Thanks a lot.
posted by 256 at 12:08 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Neil Young: Butt of Gold

I'll say.
posted by bondcliff at 12:08 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Holiday in Your Butt

I think this was a sequel to Party In Your Pants
posted by George_Spiggott at 12:08 PM on December 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

A Hole in My Butt (2004)

Um, take two aspirin and call me
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:09 PM on December 20, 2012

I am always glad to see a mention of Francis Ford Coppola's adventurous, misunderstood One from the Butt (1982).
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:09 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

With a Song in My Butt

i just wanna attach an mp3 file of the horrible snorty muffled hurr durr laughter i am doing right now
posted by elizardbits at 12:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

elizardbits between this thread and the Lochte thread probably 14 of your last 15 comments have included "butt" in them.

I suspect if I analyzed your entire posting history this 14/15 butt ratio would hold up.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

Pizza My Butt cracks me up because that's an absurd title even before the regex search and replace.
posted by mcstayinskool at 12:11 PM on December 20, 2012

Ever in My Butt (1933)
oh...um...uh.

Straight from the Butt (1999)
oh.

ew.
posted by Brainy at 12:11 PM on December 20, 2012

Never Give Up: The Butt of Compassion (2011)

nice butt
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:11 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

A Dream Is a Wish Your Butt Makes

pfffft
posted by monju_bosatsu at 12:11 PM on December 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

Whisper of the Butt (1995)

Nothing has any right to be as funny as this is.
posted by koeselitz at 12:12 PM on December 20, 2012 [15 favorites]

Bury My Butt at Wounded Knee (2007)
posted by Rock Steady at 12:12 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Whisper of the Butt (1995)

Nothing has any right to be as funny as this is.

Yeah. That one was silent, but deadly.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:13 PM on December 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

If you'd like to do this in a more real-time fashion, there's always liblr.com.

I think you mean: If you'd like to do this in a more real-time fashion, there's always liblr.com.
posted by blue_beetle at 12:14 PM on December 20, 2012 [10 favorites]

I was in a band in high school with a guy who's dad was ... a little creepy. We were loading our equipment back into his house one day and walked down the basement stairs to find him "watching C-SPAN" with the lights off and the VCR running.

In any case, the local video store had an extensive collection of pornos, all packed in distinctive blue cases, you know, just in case you needed everybody to know you were renting porno videos. One day my friend's dad asks him to return a couple of tapes for him. Blue cases.

Backside to the Future and Malibu Ass-Blasters 2.

butts lol
posted by uncleozzy at 12:14 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think you mean: If you'd like to do this in a more real-time fashion, there's always liblr.com.

My head is saying 'fool, forget him', my butt is saying 'don't let go'
posted 1 minute ago.

im dying
posted by theodolite at 12:16 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

In every man`s butt there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:17 PM on December 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

... I think you meant "Butt to the Future"
posted by blue_beetle at 12:18 PM on December 20, 2012

This should be done with song titles (eg. Total eclipse of the butt).
posted by Kabanos at 12:19 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

We always play this game with the word chicken.
posted by HumanComplex at 12:19 PM on December 20, 2012

In every man`s butt there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty.

seancody.com™
posted by elizardbits at 12:19 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

Hmm, this thread has been live for over 20 minutes, and faintofbutt has yet to make an appearance. Has anybody checked on him?
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:20 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Last Christmas, I gave you my butt.
posted by fancyoats at 12:20 PM on December 20, 2012 [20 favorites]

Butt of a Dog (1991) (TV Movie)
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:20 PM on December 20, 2012

"The butt wants what it wants." --Woody Allen, 1992
posted by wabbittwax at 12:20 PM on December 20, 2012

When my son was around 6, he became, as many young kids do, obsessed with butts and how funny they are. To try to wean him from this, I decided on the overload tact, and read him The Day My Butt Went Psycho!, a science fiction book about butts. It only made things worse, so I decided to go all out and read to him the two follow-on books in the series.

I was afraid that it may have totally backfired, when he started talking about nothing but butts, but he seemed to finally overload and tone it down a bit.

I later found out that the book was originally published in Australia, with the word bum used in place of the word butt.

hey, did I actually write three butts in a row?
posted by eye of newt at 12:20 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

curious nu: “If you'd like to do this in a more real-time fashion, there's always liblr.com.”

Kabanos: “This should be done with song titles (eg. Total eclipse of the butt).”

Nothing will ever be as good as the main link in this thread. Nothing.
posted by koeselitz at 12:21 PM on December 20, 2012

"I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his butt out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious." - Vince Lombardi
posted by griphus at 12:22 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

thank you so much for posting this. you are my hero.
posted by aquanaut at 12:24 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

My favorite 70s female-fronted band has always been Butt.
posted by grubi at 12:24 PM on December 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

Liar, liar, Butts Afire (1992)
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:25 PM on December 20, 2012

The Butt, She Holler (2011) (TV Series)
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:25 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I didn't laugh at any of these, until elizardbits quoted one, then inexplicably I laughed.

The Butt Is Deceitful Above All Things (2004)

If Faint of Butt shows up in this thread, don't trust a word he says.
posted by davejay at 12:26 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Miracle of the Butt: A Boys Town Story"

If we're talking about Chicago here then... pretty much spot on
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:27 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

You've gotta have buuuuuuuutt
Miles and miles and miles of buuuuuuutt
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:29 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

When my son was around 6, he became, as many young kids do, obsessed with butts and how funny they are. To try to wean him from this, I decided on the overload tact, and read him The Day My Butt Went Psycho!, a science fiction book about butts. It only made things worse, so I decided to go all out and read to him the two follow-on books in the series.

That's nothing. When I was six I read Alfonso Ortiz's "American Indian Myths and Legends" which was packed with trickster gods sporting 50-foot penises.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:32 PM on December 20, 2012

You take it on faith, you take it on butt
Waaaaaiting is the hardest part
posted by grubi at 12:32 PM on December 20, 2012

Once I had a love and it was a gas / Soon turned out had a butt of glass
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:38 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I believe that my butt, that my butt will go ooooooooooooon.

I lost it at 13 and have already apologized to the people I'm seeing tonight for all the public shrieking about butts that's going to happen.
posted by clavicle at 12:38 PM on December 20, 2012

Pretty much just a regular day in my life then.
posted by elizardbits at 12:40 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

"For as he thinketh in his butt, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his butt is not with thee." - Proverbs 23:7
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 12:40 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Using a Greasemonkey script, I replaced every instance of the word "favorite" on Metafilter with "Butt Elephant." It has increased my enjoyment of the site by 112%.
posted by slogger at 12:40 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Kingdom Butts 3D: Dream Drop Distance (2012) (Video Game)

Eeeewww.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:40 PM on December 20, 2012

Ironically my elderly boss just shuffled past my office and farted a mighty and resonant bassoonlike eruption.

This is not helping matters.
posted by elizardbits at 12:42 PM on December 20, 2012 [11 favorites]

They forgot Bravebutt.

And there's the Eurythmics' There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Butt).
posted by brain_drain at 12:44 PM on December 20, 2012 [15 favorites]

i carry your butt with me(i carry it in
my butt)
posted by vytae at 12:44 PM on December 20, 2012 [12 favorites]

This is wonderful and takes me back to when Feist first got popular and we figured out that her song "Secret Heart" could be rendered thusly:

Secret fart
What are you made of
What are you so afraid of
Could it be three simple words
Or the fear of being overheard
What's wrong
Let him in on your secret fart

This very secret that you're trying to conceal
Is the very same one that you're dying to reveal
Go tell him how you feel

Secret fart, come out and share it
This loneliness, few can bear it
Could it have something to do with
Admitting that you just can't go through it alone
Let him in on your secret fart

posted by saturday_morning at 12:44 PM on December 20, 2012 [10 favorites]

If the world ends tomorrow, this thread makes it better. If not, then it's an early xmas present.

The Broken Butts Club: A Romantic Comedy


I can't tell if this my favorite just because of the name or because the original is about a group of gay male friends. Because I don't think my initial laugh was because of the latter, but now I can't separate it.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2012

oh dear i appear to be making a noise like a punctured walrus
posted by scruss at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2012 [10 favorites]

Burning Butts (2013)

Oh that reminds me, I should order indian tonight
posted by mrgoat at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

The Tell-Tale Butt

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! -- tear up the planks! -- here, here! -- it is the beating of his hideous butt!"

Oh, no, no, Poe!
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:46 PM on December 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

Aragorn: I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the butt of me.
posted by George_Spiggott at 12:46 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I didn't see Buttbreak Ridge on there, either.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:46 PM on December 20, 2012

Sorry I'm late, guys.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:47 PM on December 20, 2012 [70 favorites]

... yeah, he fainted.
posted by scruss at 12:47 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Your Cheatin' Butt

Your lips say "No" but your butt says "Yes"
posted by Cash4Lead at 12:48 PM on December 20, 2012

this actually was a trending topic earlier today.
posted by nadawi at 12:48 PM on December 20, 2012

Please tell me someone phoned Faint of Butt and said listen, you need to get on MeFi right now.
posted by sixohsix at 12:49 PM on December 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

Also works with "War" instead of "Heart".
posted by mrgoat at 12:52 PM on December 20, 2012

Avant garde poetry at its finest.
posted by aught at 12:53 PM on December 20, 2012

Kutty Srank: The Sailor of Butts (2009)
posted by boo_radley at 12:54 PM on December 20, 2012

What? No Buttbeeps?
posted by brundlefly at 12:58 PM on December 20, 2012

Oh what the hell. Just to prove it: War movies with Butt.
posted by mrgoat at 12:58 PM on December 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

Beast Butts: Transformers

*snrk*
posted by brundlefly at 1:00 PM on December 20, 2012

Kutty Srank: The Sailor of Butts (2009)

"Kutty Srank" is an anagram of "Ratty Skunk."

We're through the looking glass here, people.
posted by griphus at 1:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

metafilter, today you have stolen my butt
posted by ninjew at 1:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh, and this post obviously needs the "lolbutts" tag.
posted by brundlefly at 1:01 PM on December 20, 2012

This post really tugs at the buttstrings.
posted by painquale at 1:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [9 favorites]

Too bad there isn't a movie about the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
posted by painquale at 1:02 PM on December 20, 2012

Please tell me someone phoned Faint of Butt and said listen, you need to get on MeFi right now.

"Faint! Faint! It's Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin Butt! You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, listen to this!"
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:03 PM on December 20, 2012 [39 favorites]

Tom P & Stevie N "stop dragging my butt around" please!
posted by supermedusa at 1:04 PM on December 20, 2012

Beavis and Hearthead do America

wait
posted by ODiV at 1:06 PM on December 20, 2012 [12 favorites]

I have a great icebreaker/boredom game that I like to play that is similar to this. Instead of changing the title though, the game is to think of titles of movies that would be funny if the movie was about poop. Yes, it's dumb. I'll get you started, though:

There Will be Blood

Sleeping Beauty

Night of the Living Dead
posted by Scientist at 1:07 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Murmur of the Butt

It was the dog, I swear.
posted by usonian at 1:08 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I Was a Male Butt Bride (1949)

i can't
posted by elizardbits at 1:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [11 favorites]

*earworm alert*

I immediately had a vision of Celine Dion warbling "My butt will go on".

sorry
posted by humph at 1:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Instead of changing the title though, the game is to think of titles of movies that would be funny if the movie was about poop.

I think this was a 4chan meme running around for a while. "Describe your last bowel movement/love life/whatever with a movie title/video game title/song name/album name"
posted by mrgoat at 1:11 PM on December 20, 2012

Tell me where is fancy bred,
Or in the butt or in the head?
posted by dephlogisticated at 1:11 PM on December 20, 2012

Best of the web
posted by nikodym at 1:11 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

And this doesn't even list the Sigourney Weaver classic, "A Map of the Butt."
posted by eugenen at 1:11 PM on December 20, 2012

My best friend in the entire world and I entertained ourselves for an entire summer one year by playing this game with 'vagina'. I'll go first:

Harry Potter and the Vagina of Doom
posted by carsonb at 1:12 PM on December 20, 2012

Witness in the Butt Zone
posted by griphus at 1:12 PM on December 20, 2012

Hollywood Sex Butts (2011)
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:12 PM on December 20, 2012

Witness in the Butt Zone (1987)

winnar
posted by elizardbits at 1:13 PM on December 20, 2012

Also, here are the titles of the Thin Man films where "Thin" is replaced with "Butt":

The Butt Man (1934)
After the Butt Man (1936)
Another Butt Man (1939)
Shadow of the Butt Man (1941)
The Butt Man Goes Home (1945)
Song of the Butt Man (1947)
posted by griphus at 1:14 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

When my son was around 6, he became, as many young kids do, obsessed with butts and how funny they are.

that's a coincidence, elizardbits is also 6
posted by ninjew at 1:14 PM on December 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

This is even better than the game where you replace " baby" in pop songs with " infant" ( or "Jesus" )
posted by The Whelk at 1:15 PM on December 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

Butt of Darkness.
posted by grubi at 1:16 PM on December 20, 2012

SIX AND THREE QUARTERS
posted by elizardbits at 1:17 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Ooohooh, can we do this with music too?

Cut Copy - Butts on Fire
The Exploding Butts - Modern Kicks (in the butt)

etc.
posted by obscurator at 1:19 PM on December 20, 2012

And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones who start
To mould a new reality
Closer to the butt
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 1:19 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

We always play this game with the word chicken.

What, what, chicken butt!
posted by briank at 1:20 PM on December 20, 2012

Don't Go Breaking My Butt.
posted by ShawnStruck at 1:20 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm lookin' for a buttbeat. Buttbeat.
posted by pajamazon at 1:20 PM on December 20, 2012

The butt of rock and roll is still beatin'
And from what I've seen, I believe it
Now the old boy may be barely breathin'
But the butt of rock and roll, butt of rock and roll is still beatin'.
posted by grubi at 1:21 PM on December 20, 2012

I (_¦_)
N Y
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:22 PM on December 20, 2012 [21 favorites]

It occurs to me that "The way to a man's butt is through his stomach" is much more accurate than the original saying, anatomically speaking.



Also, I am posting from beyond the grave because i died laughing.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:22 PM on December 20, 2012 [25 favorites]

They missed Bonnie Tyler - It's a Buttache.

It's a buttache
Nothing but a buttache

Hits you when it's too late
Hits you when you're down
It's a fool's game

Nothing but a fool's game
Standing in the cold rain
Feeling like a clown.

It's a buttache
Nothing but a buttache.
Love him till your arms break

Then he lets you down.
It ain't right with love to share
When you find he doesn't care for you.
It ain't wise to need someone
As much as I depended on you.

It's a buttache
Nothing but a buttache
Hits you when it's too late
It ain't r'ight with love to share

Oh it's a buttache
Nothing but a buttache.
Love him till your arms break

Then he let's you down
It's a fool's game
Standing in the cold rain
Feeling like a clown.

It's a buttache
Love him till your arms break
Then he let's you down
It's a buttache


I am sure that somewhere, most likely in LA, there is a porn director reading this thread going all giddy over the bazillion new film ideas we just gave him.
posted by Vindaloo at 1:22 PM on December 20, 2012

I Was a Male Butt Bride (1949)

Didn't that film feature Cary Grunt?
posted by perhapses at 1:23 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Instead of changing the title though, the game is to think of titles of movies that would be funny if the movie was about poop.

Hot Rod
27 Grams
Splash
posted by porn in the woods at 1:23 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

Pretty sure 27 Grams was actually about poop.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 1:25 PM on December 20, 2012

Right now at that liblr.com link:

"RT @MrAce_Ventura: Last Christmas I gave you my butt but the very next day you said you were gay... Taylor Swift’s next Christmas single."
posted by chundo at 1:28 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

8 Seconds
posted by ODiV at 1:30 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sweatbutt - Finger Bangin'
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:33 PM on December 20, 2012

I despise when movies (or books or song) use the word "heart". It's so overdone, as is evidenced by this list.
posted by zardoz at 1:35 PM on December 20, 2012

Whisper of the Butt (1995)

You are the wind between my cheeks? Isn't that a song?
posted by Pudhoho at 1:37 PM on December 20, 2012

The Butt, She Holler (2011)
posted by gingerbeer at 1:40 PM on December 20, 2012

SHOT THROUGH THE BUTT
AND YOU'RE TO BLAME
posted by cortex at 1:42 PM on December 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

The first song I learned to play on the piano was "Butt and Soul."
posted by Phyllis Harmonic at 1:44 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

♫ ♪ Deep in the butt of Texas. ♪ ♫
posted by Pudhoho at 1:44 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

guys

you guys

buttbreak hotel
posted by elizardbits at 1:45 PM on December 20, 2012 [12 favorites]

Unbreak my butt
posted by grubi at 1:45 PM on December 20, 2012

Because It Is Bitter, and Because It Is My Butt

Nominated for the 1990 National Book Award
posted by mcmile at 1:47 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

I despise when movies (or books or song) use the word "heart". It's so overdone, as is evidenced by this list.

Ever since I had to do a massive data entry job on a catalog of Latin American music, the words 'Corazon' and 'Amor' send me into screaming fits, especially when they are (outrageously frequently) put in the same song title or lyrical line.
posted by FatherDagon at 1:47 PM on December 20, 2012

> I think this was a sequel to Party In Your Pants

This, so far, is funnier than anything I read in the original link

posted by mmrtnt at 1:48 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

"And if you tell my butt, my achy breaky butt, he might blow up and kill this man."

Sweet Jesus, I am laughing my (12 YO, obvs) fool head off, here.
posted by Phyllis Harmonic at 1:50 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Aphex Twin - At the butt of it all
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:51 PM on December 20, 2012

modest mouse- butt cooks brain
posted by ninjew at 1:53 PM on December 20, 2012

Are you laughing so hard your dogs are barking?
posted by Pudhoho at 1:55 PM on December 20, 2012

buttbreak hotel

Don't...stay there.

Do not.

Just FYI.
posted by adamdschneider at 1:55 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

if the movie was about poop

I keep thinking about the ones mentioned on "Community":
The Remains of the Day
The Green Mile
Operation: Dumbo Drop

I've tried to come up with my own, but it's tough to be clever:

Breakfast at Tiffany's
Killer of Sheep
The Thin Red Line
The Towering Inferno
posted by Mister Moofoo at 1:56 PM on December 20, 2012

The English Patient
posted by Pudhoho at 1:58 PM on December 20, 2012

The Incredible Hulk
posted by grubi at 1:58 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

A Separation?
posted by saturday_morning at 1:58 PM on December 20, 2012

Are there warmed cockles anywhere?

posted by mmrtnt at 1:59 PM on December 20, 2012

The Day the Earth Stood Still
posted by Pudhoho at 2:00 PM on December 20, 2012

The Brown Bunny
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 2:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

Random list of song titles, somewhat edited for redundancy:

1.Scatterbutt - Bjork
2. Butt Full of Soul - Chris Isaak
3. You Took My Butt - Chris Isaak
4. Butt Shaped World - Chris Isaak
5. The Butt's Filthy Lesson - David Bowie
6. Buttbeat - Don Johnson
8. The Last Unbroken Butt - Patti Labelle
10. Sin in my Butt - Siouxsie and the Banshees
11. The Last Beat of My Butt - Siouxsie and the Banshees
12. Winter in my Butt - VAST
13. Pop! Goes my Butt - Hugh Grant
14. Butt of Glass - Blondie 15.
16. Fragile Butt - Westlife
17. Unbreak My Butt - Toni Braxton
18. Achy Breaky Butt - Billy Ray Cyrus
19. My Paper Butt - All American Rejects
20. Butt to Butt - Chris Brown
22. Shape of My Butt - Backstreet Boys
23.Vampire Butt - H.I.M.
25. Heavy on my Butt - Anastacia
26. My Butt will go on - Celine Dion
27. Young at Butt - Frank Sinatra
28. Butt Attack - NLT
29. Groove is in the Butt - Deee-lite
30. Hand on Butt - Queensryche
31. Put a little love in your Butt - Dolly Parton
32. Stomach vs. Butt - Barenaked Ladies
33. Change of Butt - Toto
34. Beggars Butt - Bethany Dillon
35. Cold Hard Butt - Bon Jovi
36. In this Butt - Sinead O'Connor
37. Keep Me in your Butt - Warren Zevon
38. You'll Be In My Butt - Usher
39. Deep Inside Your Butt - The Echoing Green
40. Sleeping In My Butt - Peter Koppes
41. Shot to the Butt - Lil Wayne
42. Tribal Butt - Planet Gong
43. Takin Back My Butt - Cher
44. I Cross My Butt - George Strait
45. Here is my Butt - Lionel Richie
46. Loves Got A Hold On My Butt - Steps
48. Bad Liver and a Broken Butt - Tom Waits
49. Don't Phunk With my Butt - The Black Eyed Peas
50. Footprints On My Butt - Paul Deanda
51. Where is your Butt - Kelly Clarkson
52. Heaven in my Butt - Neal Morse
53. Tearin' up my Butt - 'NSync
54. Captive Butt - Selena
55. Listen To Your Butt - Roxette
56. Unbreakable Butt - Jessica Andrews
57. One Determined Butt - Paulini
58. Secret Butt - Feist
59. Dear Butt - Sandara Parks
60. The Butt Never Lies - McFly
61. I'll Never Break Your Butt - Backstreet Boys
62. Whatever's Written in your Butt - Gary Rafferty
63. Closer to the Butt - Rush
64. One Small Butt - Mary Chapen Carpenter
65. Cold cold Butt - Wet Wet Wet
66. Total Eclipse of the Butt - Bonnie Tyler
67. Lock Me in your Butt - Mandy Moore
68. How Can You Mend A Broken Butt - Al Green
69. Here In My Butt - Al Martino
70. Half A Butt - Barenaked Ladies
72. Hungry Butt - Bruce Springsteen
73. Two Butts - Bruce Springsteen
74. Straight from the Butt - Bryan Adams
75. Butts of Fire - Bryan Adams
76. Young Butts Run Free - Candi Staton
77. Don't Go Breaking My Butt - Elton John & Kiki Dee
78. A Good Butt - Feargal Sharkey
79. Piece of My Butt - Janis Joplin
80. You Stole The Sun From My Butt - Manic Street Preachers
81. Butt of Lothian - Marillion
82. Stop Cryin' Your Butt Out - Oasis
83. Your Cheatin' Butt - Patsy Cline
84. This Butt Will Love Again - Steps
85. Stop Draggin' My Butt Around - Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty
86. Listen to Her Butt - Tom Petty & the Buttbreakers
87. How Can You Mend A Broken Butt? - Bee Gees
88. Butt Full of Soul - The Yardbirds
89. Two Butts - Phil Collins
90. You Have Placed A Chill In My Butt - Eurthymics
91. Wooden Butt - Elvis Presley
92. Buttbreak Hotel - Elvis Presley
93. Anyone Who Had A Butt - Cilla Black
94. There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Butt) - Eurythmics
95. Something's Gotten Hold Of My Butt - Gene Pitney
97. Hand On Your Butt - Kylie Minogue
98. Young at Butt - the Bluebells
99. Queen of my Butt - Westlife
100. Thunder In My Butt- Leo Sayer
101. My Butt Has A Mind of its Own - Connie Francis
102. Don't Break The Butt That Loves You - Connie Francis (again)
103. Let the Buttaches Begin - Long John Baldry
104. When The Buttache Is Over - Tina Turner
105. Buttache Tonight - The Eagles
106. Butt of Gold - Neil Young
107. Owner of a Lonely Butt - Yes
108. Open Your Butt - Madonna
111. Every Beat of My Butt - Rod Stewart
113. Butt of Stone - Suzi Quatro
115. Butt over Mind - Kim Wilde
116. The Butt of a Man - Frankie Vaughan
117. Butt and Soul - T'Pau
118. Butt - Pet Shop Boys
119. Sheer Butt Attack - Queen
120. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Butts Club Band - The Beatles
121. You Made Me the Thief of your Butt- Sinead O'Connor
122. Butt-Shaped Box - Nirvana
124. Buttland - U2
posted by louche mustachio at 2:05 PM on December 20, 2012 [9 favorites]

36. In this Butt - Sinead O'Connor
37. Keep Me in your Butt - Warren Zevon
38. You'll Be In My Butt - Usher
39. Deep Inside Your Butt - The Echoing Green
40. Sleeping In My Butt - Peter Koppes

It's like a poem.
posted by The Whelk at 2:06 PM on December 20, 2012 [11 favorites]

Set the Controls for the Butt of the Sun

posted by mmrtnt at 2:06 PM on December 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

And the glorious reign of Richard I of England, Lionbutt.
posted by LionIndex at 2:08 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Faith of the Butt. That awful theme song from Enterprise.
posted by grubi at 2:08 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Butt Shaped Box !!
posted by marimeko at 2:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

The Beat That My Butt Skipped

has someone been watching me dance
posted by ostro at 2:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

butt shaped box is even funnier since it's a song about courtney love's pussy.
posted by nadawi at 2:12 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

As of right now, there are 273 instances of the word "butt" on this page, including this comment.
posted by dobi at 2:14 PM on December 20, 2012

I left my butt
.....
.....
in San Fran-cisco.
posted by eye of newt at 2:15 PM on December 20, 2012

My butt swells with pride every time I see Liblr mentioned on the blue.
posted by zerolives at 2:15 PM on December 20, 2012

Well, bless your butt!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:15 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Can wild butts be broken? No. Wild Butts Can't Be Broken.

Also: Buttbeeps.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:17 PM on December 20, 2012

My butt belongs to (daddy/you/me/cancel)
posted by Pudhoho at 2:18 PM on December 20, 2012

butts lol

I'll never get too old for butt jokes.

I was in court the other day waiting for my case to be called for a hearing, and I sat back in the benches and listened to the attorneys set before me. One of them was explaining to the judge that the case he was there on was a sexual assault case filed by a lady against her urologist. Then they said the doctor's name. I almost exploded giggling. I tried to hide it behind fake coughs and had tears streaming down my face. The urologist's name was Dr. Licker.
posted by dios at 2:19 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

...if the movie was about poop

"Brokeback Mountain"

posted by mmrtnt at 2:20 PM on December 20, 2012

Five Easy Pieces
posted by saturday_morning at 2:25 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Good Morning Buttache
Video Game Butt
Time: The Donuts of the Butt
posted by Serf at 2:29 PM on December 20, 2012

2 Fast 2 Furious
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 2:37 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Total Recall
posted by gingerbeer at 2:40 PM on December 20, 2012

The Terminator
posted by Pudhoho at 2:41 PM on December 20, 2012

I am Lionbutt
Here me roar!!! heehee
posted by supermedusa at 2:42 PM on December 20, 2012

At the diner this morning I was considering having the Butt Attack Special. Unfortunately I have a congenital butt defect, so it seemed unwise. I've considered getting it fixed, but it would require open butt surgery.
posted by XMLicious at 2:44 PM on December 20, 2012

Seven Characters in Search of an Author
posted by Pudhoho at 2:45 PM on December 20, 2012

Also, after breakfast I attended mass at the Sacred Butt Cathedral. It's near the Abbey of the Sisters of the Immaculate Butt.
posted by XMLicious at 2:46 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

My new favorite Joyce Carol Oates novel: Because It Is Bitter, And Because It Is My Butt
posted by newmoistness at 2:46 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Titanic
posted by grubi at 2:49 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

291 mentions of the word "butt" in this post. Oop! 292!
posted by grubi at 2:50 PM on December 20, 2012

Going through my MP3 files (not just songs) I get:

Captain Beefbutt
Joan Jett and the Blackbutts
Grand Funk Railroad - Buttbreaker
Pink Floyd - Atom Butt Mother
Dave Alvin - NIne Volt Butt
Melissa Etheridge - Chrome Plated Butt
Graham Nash - Raining in my Butt
Ricky Nelson - Hello Mary Lou (Goodby Butt)
Various - Open up Your Butt and Let the Sun Shine in
posted by mmrtnt at 2:51 PM on December 20, 2012

"A Mule for Sister Sara"

I have to stop now

posted by mmrtnt at 2:54 PM on December 20, 2012

Dyslexic Butt - Paul Westerberg
posted by grubi at 2:55 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

My Foolish Butt:

The night is like a lovely tune, beware my foolish butt!
How white the ever constant moon, take care, my foolish butt!
There's a line between love and fascination,
That's hard to see on an evening such as this,
For they give the very same sensation.
When you are lost in the passion of a kiss.
Your lips are much too close to mine, beware my foolish butt!
But should our eager lips combine, then let the fire start.
For this time it isn't fascination, or a dream that will fade and fall apart,
It's love this time, it's love, my foolish butt!
posted by sapere aude at 2:58 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Best Butts of the web
posted by nikodym

FTFY.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:04 PM on December 20, 2012

As funny as :s/heart/butt/g is, :s/war/butt/g is funnier IMO:

• Butt Games: At the End of the Day (2011)
• Max Manus: Man of Butt (2008)
• Hercules: The Thracian Butts (2014)
• Men of Butt (1994)
• The Silent Butt (2012)

And I stop only because I'm tired of cut/pasting. Freakin' classic!
posted by Fezboy! at 3:07 PM on December 20, 2012

Terminal Velocity
Birth of a Nation
The Sweet Smell of Success
posted by Mister Moofoo at 3:14 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

Tom Waits: Buttattack & Vine
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:22 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

the game where you replace " baby" in pop songs with " infant" ( or "Jesus" )

Baby~
I know what you nee~d
Some little baby shoes~
For your little baby fee~t

Baby!
I know what you wa~nt
You wanna poop your pants all day long--
Well, baby, behave!
posted by byanyothername at 3:24 PM on December 20, 2012

supermedusa: "I am Lionbutt
Here me roar!!! heehee"

Richard Cul De Lion?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:24 PM on December 20, 2012

If you go a million miles away I'll track you down girl
Trust me when I say I know the pathway to your buuuuuuuuuuutt
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:28 PM on December 20, 2012

I just had to go hide in the bathroom at work until I could stop giggling. I got to A Hole in my Butt and just completely lost it.
posted by sarcasticah at 3:48 PM on December 20, 2012

I got to A Hole in my Butt and just completely lost it.

Good thing you were in the bathroom!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:49 PM on December 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

how can you mend a broken butt?
posted by pyramid termite at 3:55 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

the game where you replace " baby" in pop songs with [...] "Jesus"

Congratulations, you just re-invented Christian Contemporary Music (TM).
posted by straight at 3:56 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

duct tape
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:56 PM on December 20, 2012

A Hazard of Butts (1987) (TV Movie)

Oh god the collective of butts is totally a hazard.
posted by grapesaresour at 3:59 PM on December 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

I've played this, but being from the England, we replaced 'heart' with 'arse'. It's slightly more crude than butt.

Viz:

Quit Playing Games With My Arse
Arse Skips A Beat
Young Arses Run Free
Arsebeats


I can't remember what we replaced 'love' with. Possibly 'fart'.
posted by mippy at 4:05 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

I am laughing so hard I can't breathe.
posted by Mars Saxman at 4:17 PM on December 20, 2012

I like to replace "And" with "Loves" whenever possible.

Tango Loves Cash
The Ghost Loves The Darkness
The Needle Loves The Damage Done
Arsenic Loves Old Lace
Me Loves Bobby McGee
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:20 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

Note: you can also replace "And" with your favorite verb for sexual congress for added hijinks.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:20 PM on December 20, 2012

Thank you, Joey Michaels, for this gift you've brought me.
posted by grubi at 4:26 PM on December 20, 2012

BEAVIS AND HEARTHEAD
posted by TheRedArmy at 4:27 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Abbott Loves Costello
Martin Loves Lewis
Burns Loves Allen (well, yeah)
Butch Cassidy Loves the Sundance Kid
The Sound Loves the Fury
posted by grubi at 4:27 PM on December 20, 2012

Beavis Loves Hearthead
posted by grubi at 4:28 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

(if they were about poop)

Cannonball Run
A Matter of Loaf and Death
The Iron Giant
Deep Impact

...and of course...

Splash
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:33 PM on December 20, 2012

(Tango Loves Cash)
posted by TheRedArmy at 4:34 PM on December 20, 2012

(rats, Splash is a double)
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:35 PM on December 20, 2012

Maybe off topic but oh dear god that liblr thing is going to be the death of me, what with my butt condition.
posted by mcrandello at 4:38 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

i've done the same, but replaced the word "butt" with "tube"
posted by shift8 at 4:45 PM on December 20, 2012

Sky Captain Loves The World Of Tomorrow.
posted by The Whelk at 4:52 PM on December 20, 2012

The Postman Always Rings Twice
posted by Pudhoho at 4:58 PM on December 20, 2012

Some Kind of Monster
Pineapple Express
The Longest Yard
The Cable Guy
posted by porn in the woods at 5:01 PM on December 20, 2012

I began by thinking this was the Worst Post Ever, but now I am thinking that it might be The Best.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:08 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

butts lol
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:09 PM on December 20, 2012

There was an early incident of this in the Young Ones book Bachelor Boys where it was suggested you replace any one word of a song title with "fart". I always thought "Total Eclipse of the Fart" was a winner. Although Elton John's seminal "I'm Still Farting" is hard to match.
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:14 PM on December 20, 2012

Unbreak My Fart.
posted by The Whelk at 5:17 PM on December 20, 2012

shift8: "i've done the same, but replaced the word "butt" with "tube"

"Tube to Butt (1986) (TV Series)"

Something tells me the username "shift8" isn't just a coincidence here
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:25 PM on December 20, 2012

Just came in to say Big Two-Butted River.
posted by escabeche at 5:29 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Poop:
Lock, stock and two smoking barrels
posted by notsnot at 5:30 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I can't believe you're all forgetting the Oscar winner from 1984, Places in the Butt, in which a recently widowed housewife played by Sally Field has to earn her keep by picking a bunch of cotton until her fingers bleed. Because, you know, butts.
posted by mudpuppie at 6:14 PM on December 20, 2012

Also, here are the titles of the Thin Man films where "Thin" is replaced with "Butt":

The problem with this is that in the novel, it was really the villain that was the butt man, and Nick is supposed to be rather lacking of butt, but because he was played in the films by a butt man they continued using Butt Man in their titles.
posted by NoraReed at 6:15 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

There are several interesting occurrences in Anishinaabemowin literature where gender shows shifting, and these can throw light on the system behind animacy. Here are two examples where gender shifting takes place.

In one case, the item undergoing gender shift is the culture hero Wenabozho's backside. In a popular tale, Wenabozho has killed some ducks and geese by trickery, and after burying them in the sand to cook and extolling his backside to keep watch, he falls asleep. In the story, when Dakotas approach, Wenabozho's backside shouts out to him, and in all cases where the backside speaks, it is clearly animate in gender, even though the word for backside, "ninjiid" 'my rectum,' is normally inanimate. So speaking seems to be a canonical animate act.

posted by and so but then, we at 6:34 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Everyone dance!
posted by vrakatar at 6:49 PM on December 20, 2012

I was in a pet store this evening; at the register they had cutesy magnets. One said, "A dog wags its tail with its heart."

I thought, "Yep."
posted by rodeoclown at 7:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

i (_|_) this
posted by liza at 7:35 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

I can't stop telling everyone I know about this. It is amazing. It is love. It is like swans silhouetted against the sunset. It is like the cosmic music of the spheres. It is like the miracle of life itself. It is quite possibly the foundation for a new and harmonious world order. Anyone who doubts me - well, all I can say is look, look deep within your butt.
posted by en forme de poire at 8:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

[did we kill the link? I have no idea why everyone here is talking about butts!]
posted by availablelight at 8:10 PM on December 20, 2012

There was a link?
posted by Pudhoho at 8:22 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Open your butt
I'll make you love me.

Well, my phone tried to autocorrect "love" to "lube". That's both oddly appropriate and suggests a new form of this game:

And Iiiiiiiiiiieeeeiiiiiiii will always lube yoooooouuuuuu, and I will always luuuuuuube you.....
posted by medusa at 8:26 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Everyone dance!

And when you're done dancing to that, dance to this!
posted by Pallas Athena at 8:31 PM on December 20, 2012

Once upon a time I was falling in lube, now I'm only falling aputt...
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 8:33 PM on December 20, 2012

I just called my mother and shrieked "A Dream is a Wish your Butt Makes: The Annette Funicello Story" at her before dissolving into helpless giggles.
posted by KathrynT at 8:37 PM on December 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

At least you're calling your mother.
posted by Pudhoho at 8:39 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I like - big - hearts and I cannot lie...

Am I doing it right?
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:41 PM on December 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

BUTT!
posted by insectosaurus at 8:42 PM on December 20, 2012

Shock to the butt
And you're to blame
Darlin you give lube
A bad name
posted by medusa at 8:45 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

The link appears to be dead. Here's the Google Cache. Enjoy.
posted by moshjosh at 8:52 PM on December 20, 2012

If this doesn't make you laugh, you have no butt.
posted by speicus at 9:58 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

God dammnit, I thought I invented this game 5 years ago (as a corollary to the Spanish Radio Drinking Game, in which you drink anytime the radio says "corazon").

I believe in a thing called love;
Just listen to the rhythm of my butt

She's got the devil in her butt
But her eyes they tantalize
She's gonna tear your butt apart...

I think we're alone now,
the beating of our butts is the only sound

For World/Inferno fans:
Butt attack 64
...And my butt wept...
posted by Jon_Evil at 10:33 PM on December 20, 2012

Help me, Rhonda, yeah
Get her outta my buuuuuuuuuutt
posted by Jon_Evil at 10:34 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

OH, or remember that time God hardened Pharaoh's butt in Exodus?
posted by Jon_Evil at 10:37 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

(Phone buzzes and... ringtone funk begins) Mulatto hearts! (mulatto hearts!) Black and white hearts!

Etc.
posted by raysmj at 10:40 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

And what happened then? Well in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small butt grew three sizes that day!
posted by XMLicious at 11:13 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

SHOT THROUGH THE BUTT
AND YOU'RE TO BLAME
posted by cortex at 1:42 PM

Man, that was how we sang it on the playground anyway. It went on:

YOU GIVE UNDERWEAR
A BLOOD STAIN
posted by darksasami at 11:18 PM on December 20, 2012

Please tell me someone phoned Faint of Butt...

Surely, they used the Butt-signal.
posted by zippy at 11:21 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

Miracle of the Butt: A Boys Town Story (1986) actually made me shriek loud enough that my husband called from downstairs to see if I was OK.
posted by polymath at 11:38 PM on December 20, 2012

This went around on Twitter this morning, using songs. Check the hashtag #ReplaceHeartWithButt for some yuks. A few of my favorites:

Love is Like an Itching in My Butt
Hammer in My Butt
You'll Never Get to Heaven (If You Break My Butt)
I Let a Song Go Out of My Butt
I'm Gonna Lock My Butt and Throw Away the Key
Deep in the Butt of Texas
My Butt Belongs to Daddy
Peg O' My Butt
posted by bink at 1:56 AM on December 21, 2012

I listen to these songs on I Butt Radio.
posted by 4ster at 4:31 AM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Morrissey: Irish Blood, English Butt
posted by 4ster at 4:33 AM on December 21, 2012

What Happens When The Butt Just Stops
posted by ominous_paws at 4:34 AM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think you broke me. It's the buttpocalypse and I am making such crazed wounded-hyena noises that the dog is scared. He's not even in the room.
posted by cmyk at 4:39 AM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

OK, guys. I was having a really bad day yesterday, and this thread made my inner (badly behaved) child roll around howling and barely able to breathe. I feel much much better. I thank you all from the bottom of my butt.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:58 AM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

#69 was "The Day I Saw Your Butt" which seems WILDLY APPROPRIATE.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:43 AM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF BLEEDING-BUTT LIBERALS!
posted by Kabanos at 8:18 AM on December 21, 2012

In the spirit of the season:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Let your butt be light.
posted by Dojie at 8:36 AM on December 21, 2012

PLAYING WITH THE QUEEN OF BUTTS.

(knowing it ain't really smart.)
posted by clavicle at 8:39 AM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

In the Butt of the Butt of the Country.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:56 AM on December 21, 2012

From the Librl or whatever it is link:

RT @WhennBoys: A girl can have many crushes, but her butt belongs to only one;
posted by stonepharisee at 9:02 AM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

"For this relief much thanks; 'tis bitter cold and I am sick at butt."

"Give me that man that is not passion's slave, and I will wear him in my butt's core, ay, in my butt of butts, as I do thee."

"Peace! sit you down and let me wring your butt; for so I shall if it be made of penetrable stuff"

"O Hamlet, thou hast cleft my butt in twain."

Greatest work of English literature? Greatest work of English literature.
posted by saturday_morning at 9:02 AM on December 21, 2012 [8 favorites]

YOU BUTTLESS BASTARDS
posted by vortex genie 2 at 9:32 AM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

BUTT ATTACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK
posted by cortex at 9:35 AM on December 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

One of my favorite movies stars Val Kilmer: Thunderbutt.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:44 AM on December 21, 2012

"My Butt Will Go On" would have made Titanic, like, a million times better.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:45 AM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Tina Belcher would love this thread.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
posted by kidsleepy at 9:47 AM on December 21, 2012

Ke$ha: Butt fall out

"Where'd you find those little cracks at"
posted by zippy at 9:58 AM on December 21, 2012

ahahahahahaha in my butt of butts
posted by en forme de poire at 10:07 AM on December 21, 2012

From Hell's butt I stab at thee!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:11 AM on December 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

“The butt has its own language.
The butt knows a hundred thousand
ways to speak.”
― Rumi
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:14 AM on December 21, 2012

Two Butts Beat as One.
Kickstart My Butt
posted by 4ster at 10:39 AM on December 21, 2012

Doctor my Butt - Jackson Browne
Butt of the Matter - Don Henley
Greasy Butt - Jefferson Airplane
Butts and Bones - Paul Simon
Brand New Buttache - Gram Parsons
Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Butts - Bob Dylan
Butt with No Companion - Leonard Cohen
posted by Danf at 10:54 AM on December 21, 2012

butts in atlantis
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 10:58 AM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Eat your heart out*

*leaving this one as an exercise for the reader
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:04 AM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

"The structure of the butt can vary among the different branches of the animal kingdom. (See Circulatory system.) Cephalopods have two "gill butts" and one "systemic butt". In vertebrates, the butt lies in the anterior part of the body cavity, dorsal to the gut. It is always surrounded by a pericardium, which is usually a distinct structure, but may be continuous with the peritoneum in jawless and cartilaginous fish. Hagfishes, uniquely among vertebrates, also possess a second butt-like structure in the tail."

Am I taking this too seriously?
posted by vortex genie 2 at 11:08 AM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

No, I think your butt is in the right place.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:11 AM on December 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

I got the joy joy joy joy
Down in my butt
(where?)
Down in my butt
(where?)
Down in my butt!
posted by cortex at 11:13 AM on December 21, 2012 [9 favorites]

Toooooooo stay!
posted by The Whelk at 11:26 AM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

The butt knows what the butt wants.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:31 AM on December 21, 2012

Can't... stop...

“The butt does not recognize boundaries on a map, or wars, or political policies. The butt does as the butt does.” - Ambassador Delenn, Babylon5
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:24 PM on December 21, 2012

/A BUTT AS BIG
AS ALL OUT DOOOOOORS/
posted by The Whelk at 12:26 PM on December 21, 2012

"Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain and little, I am soulless and buttless? You think wrong! I have as much soul as you, and full as much butt!"

ps: elizardbutts
posted by cmyk at 12:27 PM on December 21, 2012

*gasp* oh no you di'int
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:30 PM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Bret the Hitman Butt will kick your ass.
posted by Kabanos at 12:42 PM on December 21, 2012

"And his butt grew three sizes that day..."
posted by gingerbeer at 2:00 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

did you know the original family's name was heart?
posted by pyramid termite at 2:23 PM on December 21, 2012

Googles hymn, heart

May Your Presence Purify My Butt
My Butt Was Hard As Iron
Our Father's Burning Butt
posted by graymouser at 2:29 PM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

(Sorry - it's been an emotionally fraught week)

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the butt.
Helen Keller

Come live in my butt, and pay no rent.
Samuel Lover

All my life, my butt has yearned for a thing I cannot name.
Andre Breton

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your butt.
Steve Jobs

(I'll get my coat)
posted by Augenblick at 4:31 PM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Good for you, you have a butt, you can be a liberal. Now, couple your butt with your brain, and you can be a conservative.
--Glenn Beck
posted by and so but then, we at 6:11 PM on December 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

And in a touching reversal, Mike Judge presents the heartwarming adventures of Beavis and Hearthead.
posted by cortex at 6:21 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I like big hearts and I cannot lie.

Oh. Mah. Gah. Becky, look at her heart.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:01 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Never trust a big heart and a smile.
posted by cortex at 7:07 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Now, we must to do this with "butt" for "hand," if only for this film.

and maybe this one.

And then there's this. So heart hand hard to choose.
posted by taz at 7:31 AM on December 22, 2012

He's a cold-butted snake
Look into his...eye?
posted by cortex at 9:52 AM on December 22, 2012

Now, we must to do this with "butt" for "hand," if only for ...

this film.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:55 AM on December 22, 2012

Greatest work of English literature? Greatest work of English literature.
posted by saturday_morning at 12:02 PM on December 21

I made you a pastebin, but then I butted it. The only problem with this is you cannot just read these aloud without being able to truly deliver the lines, it just sort of falls flat.
posted by mcrandello at 4:54 PM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

We used to play a more free-form version of this game, where any word in a movie title could be replaced by "butt."

A Butt Full of Dollars
Butt with the Wind
A Butt at the Opera
Twelve Angry Butts
Buttbusters
It's a Wonderful Butt
Butt Window
Do the Butt Thing
Bring Me the Butt of Alfredo Garcia
Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Butt

And my all-time favorite:

Das Butt
posted by hydrophonic at 8:50 PM on December 23, 2012

dios: "The urologist's name was Dr. Licker."

My dad had a dentist named Dr. Lipschitz.
posted by hydrophonic at 8:52 PM on December 23, 2012