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Stranger Than Bayhem
December 20, 2012 11:49 AM   Subscribe

They were local bodybuilders with a penchant for steroids, strippers, and quick cash. And they became expert in the use of a peculiar motivational tool: Torture.
"Pain & Gain" [part 1, part 2, part 3] [print version: 1,2,3], a series of articles from 1999-2000, chronicles a true life story of kidnapping, torture, extortion and murder. Just the thing to inspire a "small" "character-driven" action-comedy from noted auteur Michael Bay. [Trailer]
posted by dersins (27 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
Wow, what? I really want to like that but it looks like a parody of a bad movie made about a serious subject.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:57 AM on December 20, 2012


Me: "I...I might kind of want to think about maybe seeing this."

My Wife: "You don't have to justify anything to me."
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:57 AM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Weirdly I'm pretty sure I saw Anthony Mackie walking past the Y this morning on 14th st and I was like who is that guy he's an actor. He didn't look that huge but he had a suit on.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:59 AM on December 20, 2012


I love Mark Wahlberg so much.

BUT

Michael Bay's previous movies really did attain a special level of unwatchably bad.

BUT

That movie looks pretty fun, nonetheless.

BUT

It's pretty distasteful to make a comedy flick out of a true-life torture and murder ordeal that people lived through just 17 years ago.
posted by 256 at 12:04 PM on December 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


Couldn't help but notice that Satellite High's Michael Bay song continues to hold true.
posted by unixrat at 12:10 PM on December 20, 2012


Ah, this explains this tweet about the movie. Working with Bay AND torture, he will be praying for quite awhile.

@TheRock The most insane scenes of my career. Still praying for forgiveness..
WORLD PREMIERE TRAILER: PAIN & GAIN http://bit.ly/VRRT3i
posted by M Edward at 12:10 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


And they became expert in the use of a peculiar motivational tool: Torture.

Pec-uliar. Get it?
posted by NedKoppel at 12:17 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


I think a lot of women are likely to need some "me time" immediately following this. Maybe they could set up booths in the theatre lobby.
posted by fatbird at 12:22 PM on December 20, 2012


Crank 2: High Voltage distastefulness, meets Transformers special effects, meets Top Gun homoeroticism. Yup, it pretty much has the basics covered for a long lasting Cult Classic.
posted by Roger_Mexico at 12:25 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm not going to say that Dwayne took some not-exactly-OTC supplements for this film, but ...

I gotta say, though, that the trailer makes it look a lot better than expected. Which I suppose isn't saying much.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:27 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I think a lot of women are likely to need some "me time" immediately following this. Maybe they could set up booths in the theatre lobby.

WTF?
posted by dersins at 12:29 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Hey, he's trying for critical acclaim, how cute. I bet this movie will be almost as appreciated as The Rock.

Check out Michael Bay on Rotten Tomatoes!
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:30 PM on December 20, 2012


Just watched the trailer and it looks awesome, but holy shit, this is NOT a Michael Bay movie, THIS should be a Coen Bros. movie and it should be an instant classic and treasure trove of quotes a la The Big Lebowski.

C'mon can't you see it?? IT would be effin' amazing. Am I alone on this?

Someone really messed up here.
posted by Skygazer at 12:40 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


It's pretty distasteful to make a comedy flick out of a true-life torture and murder ordeal that people lived through just 17 years ago.

Hmmm. I missed that part. Perhaps that's why the Coen Bros. passed on this, but still, they could've fictionalized it a bit.

Anyhow, steroids and body builders, and that whole lifestyle are the absolute perfect satirical construct. And I really wish the Coen Bros. make a movie about that strange subculture where so many obsessions of our sick twisted warped delusional culture comes to a positively dizzying level of absurdism and comedy..

PS: The Great Harry Crews, may he rest in peace, knew it, and absolutely killed it prose and poetry wise via his fantastic and rollicking, novel Body.
posted by Skygazer at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


I've heard the Coen Bros. comparison and it makes a lot of sense to me, but the first name that popped into my head when I saw the trailer was Tony Scott. Beyond the obvious visual similarities, I mean.

Anyway, I really dislike Bay (other than The Rock) but this looks like it could be fun. I'm willing to give it a shot.
posted by brundlefly at 12:48 PM on December 20, 2012


Weirdly I'm pretty sure I saw Anthony Mackie walking past the Y this morning on 14th st

Quite possible. I'm pretty sure he still lives in NY (he went to Juilliard, was a year ahead of me, real cool guy). He was down to earth then and so I'm hoping all this fame hasn't gone to his head.
posted by ReeMonster at 1:05 PM on December 20, 2012


WTF?

I can think of two women in my immediate circle who get all drooly over Marky Mark, and one for the Rock. A movie with lots of scenes of those two pumping iron? And later, hugging in an emotionally available fashion?

Yeah, that's a girl's night movie.
posted by fatbird at 1:19 PM on December 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Beware that there's a particularly gruesome and NSFL (true) pic on part 3/page 10 of the article (I read it yesterday actually). In any case it explains this (NSFL too but fortunately fake) image of Dwayne Johnson using a BBQ that made the rounds some time ago.
posted by elgilito at 1:29 PM on December 20, 2012


"It's pretty distasteful to make a comedy flick out of a true-life torture and murder ordeal that people lived through just 17 years ago."

Yeah, this. Knowing that it actually happened changes everything. I only had time to read Part I, but poor Marc Schiller. And then it gets even worse...
posted by Kevin Street at 3:03 PM on December 20, 2012


First thing that popped into my head...

Bruckheimer, Schumacher, Michael Bay they movies that make you say "Oh my god that's bullshit what the fuck?" They're movies that will suck...
posted by MikeMc at 3:32 PM on December 20, 2012


I'm always conflating Bruckheimer and Schumacher into Schmuckheimer for some reason.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:01 PM on December 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


There is one reason and one reason only that I have been anticipating this film: the greyhound who appears in it. Seven is an agility greyhound, as well as being a movie star, and I've been following the filming posts on her owner's blog all year. I had sort of assumed that since it was a Michael Bay flick, it would be vapid and shoot-em-up. Comes as a bit of a surprise to learn that no, this is intended to be based on a real, recent case. Going to have to do some reading now, thanks for the post...
posted by badgermushroomSNAKE at 4:51 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


If this had happened more recently and I lived in Miami, the last paragraph of the Miami New Times article would fill me with a life-consuming commitment to make sure that every cop involved in the last act was hounded out of every possible job until suicide would be their only option.

As it is it just confirms my uneasy hunch that the gods fucked up somewhere and I was born on the wrong planet.
posted by localroger at 6:19 PM on December 20, 2012


Seven is an agility greyhound

How on earth do you motivate a greyhound to do agility?
posted by fshgrl at 8:47 PM on December 20, 2012


That is a Bay movie? No. No, I don't think so. You see that there were people having a conversation, right? People don't simply "talk" in a Bay movie. A Bay movie constantly requires banter. Or argument. Or they bargue. Sometimes they arnter, but not often. Look, the point is that is not a Bay movie.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:38 PM on December 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I never really noticed that Michael Bay's trademark (besides cut-cut-cut editing) are looooow angles. Over half the shots in that trailer are below waist height.
posted by zardoz at 4:09 AM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


There are some movies I like that have Wahlberg in them, but I like those movies in spite of him, not because of him. All of the Michael Bay movies I've seen have been a waste of time. Put them together, and well, I'd pay to get out of going through this thing even once.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:39 AM on December 21, 2012


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