Join 3,551 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


JADED PUNK HULK
January 14, 2013 2:34 PM   Subscribe

JADED PUNK HULK HAS HILARIOUS OPINIONS ABOUT PUNK. JADED PUNK HULK ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS. Brendan Kelly from The Lawrence Arms DENIES HE IS JADED PUNK HULK. JADED PUNK HULK interviews Brian Fallon from Gaslight Anthem. Part 2.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants (31 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
i hear all of these in the voice of grover
posted by facetious at 2:37 PM on January 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


That anyone from The Lawrence Arms should need a "day job" is a damned crime.
posted by 1adam12 at 2:42 PM on January 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


There is good stuff in here. Thanks.
posted by tripping daisy at 2:50 PM on January 14, 2013


I was skeptical about this but there are a lot of funny things in here. I like the last bit from the Gaslight Anthem interview:

[Gaslight Anthem singer] BF: Do you listen to music that isn’t punk?

[JPH]: SURE, HULK LISTEN TO GASLIGHT ANTHEM.
posted by whir at 2:59 PM on January 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


I'm heartened to see that Jaded Punk Hulk adheres to Hulkian grammar with some consistency.

Film Crit Hulk, on the other hand, seems to think that all you need to do to Hulk Out is hit caps lock and drop your pronouns. He shows no interest in the rhetorical possibility of Hulkian tense formation - the poetry of a fury suspended in an eternal present. Really, it makes me angry, that carelessness! And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I get all petty and passive-aggressive.
posted by Your Disapproving Father at 3:00 PM on January 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


Film Crit Hulk, on the other hand, seems to think that all you need to do to Hulk Out is hit caps lock and drop your pronouns. He shows no interest in the rhetorical possibility of Hulkian tense formation - the poetry of a fury suspended in an eternal present. Really, it makes me angry, that carelessness! And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I get all petty and passive-aggressive.

Film Crit Hulk is just using the ALL CAPS gimmick as a way to get people to read detailed, incisive film writing. Using Hulkian tense formation would get in the way of that (and honestly, if he hasn't already got an FPP I'll make one, since he deserves it).

JADED PUNK HULK is just about making jokes about modern punks and our love-hate relationship with Gaslight Anthem.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 3:03 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


X Y Z HULK twitter accounts are played out.

I want JADED PUNK BIZZARO or perhaps Retro Lounge Sinestro. Or anything at this point.
posted by GuyZero at 3:09 PM on January 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


So, I guess Glenn Danzig is fat, now.
posted by phong3d at 3:11 PM on January 14, 2013


BIZZARO PUNK HULK ADORES PHILIP GLASS, SONDHEIM.
posted by The Whelk at 3:13 PM on January 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


I now demand a Retro Lounge Sinestro action figure.

https://twitter.com/retroloungesinestro has not been registered. If I had a sense of humour I would be all over that.
posted by Mezentian at 3:44 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I checked that out not expecting it to be funny, but this

IN HIGH SCHOOL, HULK HARDCORE FRIENDS WOULD BE LIKE, "YO FUCK THE JOCKS BRO!" AND NOW THEY NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THEIR FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

made me laugh.
posted by grimjeer at 3:55 PM on January 14, 2013 [6 favorites]


I'm holding out for BitterOldPunkHulk.
posted by item at 4:18 PM on January 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


Bizarro would be fun, but I would love to see someone give a serious try to Galactus reviewing home appliances, or Groo on cooking shows.
posted by Iosephus at 4:30 PM on January 14, 2013


"CAPTAIN AMERICA GIANT GEEZER DOUCHE SO NATURALLY HE EXCLUSIVELY LISTEN TO ARCHIVES OF ANTIQUE PHONOGRAPH MUSIC PROGRAM ON WFMU AND HE ALWAYS LIKE “OHHH THAT MY FAVORITE SONG” AND IT SOME WEIRD BORDERLINE RACIST SONG USUALLY. "

Y'know I've been trying to quit reading JPH so often and you're not helping, Charlemagne In Sweatpants!
posted by jeffen at 4:47 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is like if Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts were written by a jaded punk Hulk. What would Bruce Banner's twitter persona be? Enthusiastic dude likes Journey non-ironically?
posted by not_on_display at 4:52 PM on January 14, 2013


"CAPTAIN AMERICA GIANT GEEZER DOUCHE SO NATURALLY HE EXCLUSIVELY LISTEN TO ARCHIVES OF ANTIQUE PHONOGRAPH MUSIC PROGRAM ON WFMU AND HE ALWAYS LIKE “OHHH THAT MY FAVORITE SONG” AND IT SOME WEIRD BORDERLINE RACIST SONG USUALLY. "

Sigh, i think just wrote that scene too.....
posted by The Whelk at 4:58 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


META HULK IS TIRED OF SELF. Stops stalking in all-caps. Faints, and turns back into Dr. Banner, who has a blog that no one reads.

Looks like he found the cure...
posted by clvrmnky at 5:35 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Film Crit Hulk is just using the ALL CAPS gimmick as a way to get people to read detailed, incisive film writing. Using Hulkian tense formation would get in the way of that (and honestly, if he hasn't already got an FPP I'll make one, since he deserves it).

Film Crit Hulk should therefore find another gimmick, because he's not very good at implementing the one he has chosen. Film critique is fine; barely even trying to stay in character when it's part of your hook is just lame.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 5:38 PM on January 14, 2013


Also: Cool post. Thank you. The fantasy football line alone was worth the price of admission.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 5:43 PM on January 14, 2013


"CAPTAIN AMERICA GIANT GEEZER DOUCHE SO NATURALLY HE EXCLUSIVELY LISTEN TO ARCHIVES OF ANTIQUE PHONOGRAPH MUSIC PROGRAM ON WFMU AND HE ALWAYS LIKE “OHHH THAT MY FAVORITE SONG” AND IT SOME WEIRD BORDERLINE RACIST SONG USUALLY. "

I sorta associate Brian Fallon with Captain America, since he's so wholesome and milk-fed and all-American.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 6:12 PM on January 14, 2013


children
posted by evilDoug at 7:19 PM on January 14, 2013


Punk was better before you young jackanapes were born. Get offa my lawn!
posted by evilDoug at 7:20 PM on January 14, 2013


Many of these work if you replace 'Hulk' with 'Elmo'.
Some of them work better.

My favourite was this: MY BLOODY VALENTINE HAVE NEW ALBUM NEXT YEAR. ALL THEIR FANS GONNA WAIT TILL KIDS GO TO BED AND ROCK OUT TO IT AT VERY REASONABLE LEVEL.
Totally accurate.
posted by Mezentian at 7:23 PM on January 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Mezentian, that's my plan exactly. IT LIKE HULK READ MIND OR SOMETHING
posted by Mister_A at 8:03 PM on January 14, 2013


Jaded Punk Hulk is one of my favorite things that happens on twitter every day. I will have to pay attention to the tumblr now.

It seemed obvious to me that Brendan Kelly wasn't Jaded Punk Hulk, but that's just because he hits the exact same target references (like eerily-similar-I-think-this-guy-is-in-my-head) to when I came up in punk, and Brendan's a few years older.

IT HARDER AND HARDER TO FIND PEOPLE INTO MAKING MUSIC FOR RIGHT REASONS. HULK AFRAID PUNK BECOME ANOTHER THING MAN USE AGAINST KIDS. THAT SEEM SCARY TO HULK.

HAWKEYE INTO HAWKWIND BUT HULK THINK THAT COMPLETELY UNRELATED. HE JUST LIKE HAWKWIND. AND THAT FINE. HULK LIKE HAWKWIND TOO WHEN HULK IN MOOD. HE GIANT SNOB AND HE GONNA DO WHAT HE WANT TO DO ANYWAY SO WHO CARES?

So great.

DESPITE FACT THAT RIVERS CUOMO KING OF NERDS, FIRST TWO WEEZER ALBUMS ICONIC! WHENEVER HULK GET DRAGGED TO KARAOKE NIGHT, AFTER HULK BLOW THROUGH “I FOUGHT THE LAW” AND “I WANNA BE SEDATED” (HULK SAVE “MOTHER” FOR LAST), HULK ALWAYS PICK “SAY IT AIN’T SO”. ANYONE IN ROOM BETWEEN AGES 25 AND 40 WHO NOT KNOW EVERY WORD BY HEART, HULK AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME THEY SOME SORT OF SPACE ALIEN AND HULK NOT TRUST THEM EVER AGAIN. HULK SERIOUSLY NO CAN LOOK THEM IN EYE.

Film Critic Hulk, also, on Weezer's decline.
posted by ndfine at 8:04 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I like Gaslight Anthem. Their music has pretty much zero intersection with anything that I would identify as punk, though. That just makes me scrunch up my forehead a bit.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:51 PM on January 14, 2013


I like Gaslight Anthem. Their music has pretty much zero intersection with anything that I would identify as punk, though. That just makes me scrunch up my forehead a bit.


It's all in who you know. Brian Fallon's a huge punk fan - his first tattoo was the Bouncing Souls logo - and got started with guys like Against Me! and The Loved Ones. Plus Gaslight's first album was punkier.

Same deal as country and folk acts like Frank Turner, Lucero, solo Chuck Ragan and William Elliot Whitmore. They're pretty much 'punk by association', which made it hard for me when I tried to look for other 'punk' that looked like that. It's all pretty arbitrary and random, even locally, where some folksingers get signed to Poison City Records and play punk stores and some jump on the Mumford & Sons bandwagon. I can't explain it, even though I'm in that scene - I think that's part of what Jaded Punk Hulk mocks.

I made a huge folk-punk post in a previous life.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 11:29 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm holding out for BitterOldPunkHulk.

I'm sure there's a way to make a greasemonkey script that finds all of BOP's posts and changes them to all caps.
posted by NoraReed at 1:22 AM on January 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


have i told you about my novelty twitter account
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 7:25 AM on January 15, 2013


I am *not* Jaded Punk Hulk. Just in case anyone was confused.
posted by jph at 9:20 AM on January 16, 2013


"I made a huge folk-punk post in a previous life."

This I should've guessed, but did not.
posted by jeffen at 4:23 AM on January 17, 2013


« Older A brilliant young Harvard Ph.D. faces jail for imp...  |  "I'm scratching, and I like to... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments