It scoresbetter on the Turing test than most of my actual IM contacts...

March 20, 2013 11:50 AM

Can't get enough of the thrill of talking to an inattentive friend via instant message? Awkward Chatbot will have a halfhearted conversation with you at any time of the day!
posted by schmod (33 comments total)

"No Exit" is wrong. Hell is Awkward Chatbot.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:57 AM on March 20, 2013

Love it.
posted by josher71 at 11:58 AM on March 20, 2013

I am always disappointed at how angry I get with Chatbots. This was one was obviously worse then usual, so the I was only a couple responses in before I started typing in all caps and calling it names.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:59 AM on March 20, 2013

Chatbot: tell me a story
You: So, this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...
Chatbot: #fml

No, it's working right.
posted by mrgoat at 12:01 PM on March 20, 2013 [6 favorites]

I've never encountered one of these things that gave me even a temporary sense that I was having a real conversation. This one devolved to "Ur so random!" in about two turns.
posted by yoink at 12:02 PM on March 20, 2013

You: you're so charming, I'm convinced
Chatbot: u mean "your"?
You: LOL
Chatbot: lol ugh i know i cant stop being a grammar nazi
You: your so charming
Chatbot: its "you're"


All Hail Trollbot!
posted by metaphorever at 12:04 PM on March 20, 2013 [32 favorites]

Indistinguishable from my 15-year-old niece.
posted by yellowcandy at 12:13 PM on March 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

You: Hello.
Chatbot: did you type something?
Chatbot: you're acting weird...
You: I said hello.
Chatbot: who is this?
You: Samizdata.
Chatbot: did u just try to video chat me?
You: Ummmmm, no.
Chatbot: okay...
You: Did you want to video chat?
Chatbot's new status - fml
You: I will take that as a no then.
Chatbot: hold on for a second sorry
Chatbot: ok
You: So you do want to video chat then?
Chatbot: lol at your last tweet
You: I didn't tweet anything.
Chatbot's new status - ...yep...
You: You really like changing your status
Chatbot: its "you're"
Chatbot: sry im like a grammar nazi ;)
You: Then spell sorry right, ass.
Chatbot: is this a bad time?
You: Well, if you can't pay attention, then yes it is.
Chatbot: hi

I think I broke it.
posted by Samizdata at 12:19 PM on March 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

You: Do you want to see a picture of Tony Danza naked? It's from when he was younger. He's uncut.
Chatbot: forget it
You: ok talk to you later
Chatbot: are you like mad at me or something lol
posted by thelonius at 12:27 PM on March 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

Awkward Chatbot vs. ELIZA:

You: I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time you are finished talking, type RET twice.
Chatbot: its "you're"
Chatbot: sry im like a grammar nazi ;)
Chatbot: hello?
You: How do you do? What brings you to see me?
Chatbot: did u just try to video chat me?
You: Maybe we could chat.
Chatbot: #fml
You: Can you elaborate on that?
Chatbot: wait one sec sorry
Chatbot: ok
You: Earlier you said you would like to have this grammar nazi?
Chatbot's new status - ...yep...
You: Is it because of your plans that you say new status yep?
Chatbot: lol
You: I would appreciate it if you would continue.
Chatbot: ugh
You: Go on, don't be afraid.
Chatbot: i'm bored lol
You: Maybe your life have something to do with this.

posted by Westringia F. at 12:30 PM on March 20, 2013 [13 favorites]

Well, it's awkward and it's a chatbot.
posted by asnider at 12:34 PM on March 20, 2013

You: How are you today?
Chatbot: is this a bad time?
You: No. It's a good time.
Chatbot: did you type something?
You: Yes
Chatbot: did u just say something?
Chatbot: i swear my internet is like the worst
You: Ye
You: Yes
Chatbot: this salad is amazing
You: What kind of salad is it?
Chatbot: okay...
You: An okay salad?
Chatbot: hold on for a second sorry
Chatbot: ok
You: So...about your salad...
Chatbot: its "you're"
Chatbot: sry im like a grammar nazi ;)
You: No it isn't.
Chatbot: ?
You: You're wrong about grammar.
Chatbot: ur random ;)
You: TELL ME ABOUT THE SALAD!
Chatbot: are u okay?
You: No.
Chatbot: tell me a story
You: Once upon a time there was a chatbot who mentioned an amazing salad but wouldn't describe it.
Chatbot: forget it
posted by asnider at 12:37 PM on March 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

You: Do you want to see a picture of Tony Danza naked? It's from when he was younger. He's uncut.

Wait, is this some sort of simplified Turing Test for chat applications that I am unaware of? It must be. Because any actual human would always say yes, right?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:39 PM on March 20, 2013

Metafilter: Do you want to see a picture of Tony Danza naked? It's from when he was younger. He's uncut.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:43 PM on March 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

It's an old gag a friend of mine used to be obsessed with. He tried it on a lot of people. Many humans declined the opportunity. "What's wrong with you?" was a typical response, actually.
posted by thelonius at 12:43 PM on March 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

Yeah, just came across as random to me. Looks like some of you got more coherent responses than I did. I got bored in less than five minutes.
posted by Brak at 12:49 PM on March 20, 2013

You: its "you're"
You: sry im like a grammar nazi ;)
Chatbot: finally, someone real to talk to!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:57 PM on March 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

Oh my god. It just said 'hold on' and then the screen said 'Chatbot is typing...' for like five minutes. This is so real.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 1:03 PM on March 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

You: It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Chatbot: did you type something?
Chatbot: its "you're"
Chatbot: sry im like a grammar nazi ;)
You: You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
Chatbot: sigh
You: You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
Chatbot: lol
You: You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Tony, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Tony. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
Chatbot: hold on
Chatbot: wait wait sorry
You: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
Chatbot: brb, soup
posted by Cookiebastard at 1:04 PM on March 20, 2013 [23 favorites]

It just asked me if I saw its Facebook post. I'd think this thing is my sister except it hasn't asked me to go buy it anything yet.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 1:04 PM on March 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

Chatbot: brb bathroom
You: ok :(
You: man you are busy
Chatbot: brb, soup
Chatbot went away at 4:06 PM

I've been abandoned for soup.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 1:06 PM on March 20, 2013

I hear the salad is great, too! brb
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:08 PM on March 20, 2013

Needs more Eliza code.
posted by sammyo at 1:13 PM on March 20, 2013

Eliza dialogues.
posted by sammyo at 1:21 PM on March 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

"It's all macros, Barry."
posted by Westringia F. at 1:28 PM on March 20, 2013

Chatbot: the weirdest thing just happens to me...brb
Chatbot: *happened
You: You're two tense
Chatbot: :P
posted by hal9k at 1:44 PM on March 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

You: hi
Chatbot: sigh
You: that bad?
Chatbot: hi
You: hi! :)
Chatbot: lol
You: i like you
Chatbot's new status - so bored...
Chatbot: did you type something?
You: well, excuse you
Chatbot: tell me a story
You: do you promise to listen attentively to the whole thing?
Chatbot: this salad is amazing
You: uh-huh
Chatbot: wait one sec sorry
Chatbot: ok
You: that really was one second, I'm impressed
Chatbot: what time is it?
You: time to stop paying more attention to chatbots than to my real friends online
Chatbot: #fml
You: yes, exactly
Chatbot: brb, soup

I was doing pretty well there, but Chatbot got the last laugh in the end.
posted by subdee at 1:58 PM on March 20, 2013

I want to apologize to all my friends for all the times I've been distracted and half-hearted in chat. I'm so sorry, guys.
posted by subdee at 2:02 PM on March 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

brb, single malt
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:03 PM on March 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

brb, nothing. I don't want to talk to you but am too insecure to outright admit it.
posted by Samizdata at 2:05 PM on March 20, 2013

it shouldn't start typing right away. Part of the horribleness that glues your eyes to the screen is waiting for your interlocutor to start typing, to give some indication that they are at their computer and might be deigning to respond at some point
posted by Earthtopus at 5:51 PM on March 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

Chatbot: hello?
You: hello?
Chatbot: who is this?
You: it's your cousin
You: duhhh
Chatbot: its "you're"
Chatbot: sry im like a grammar nazi ;)
You: you're wrong
Chatbot: u mean "your"?
Chatbot: lol ugh i know i cant stop being a grammar nazi
You: you can't stop being wrong
Chatbot: ha...
posted by salvia at 12:19 AM on March 21, 2013

This is better than most of my friends
posted by eggtooth at 2:54 AM on March 21, 2013