The insect you need is on your shoulder...
May 9, 2013 4:22 PM   Subscribe


 
IT BEGINS
posted by The Whelk at 4:27 PM on May 9, 2013 [6 favorites]


If I was clever, my awesome Wings joke would go here.
posted by davebush at 4:30 PM on May 9, 2013 [11 favorites]


Couple of years ago - and this is no shit - we were down in Costa Rica for a company event. Turns out they have super colossal grasshoppers (warning: big bug) there. One night we were all outside and they'd set up big lights everywhere and those things came flying onto the scene like pure vengeance. One of them nailed me in the head and I swear it felt like someone had lobbed a plate at me. It was sort of cool.

And then we went the hell inside.
posted by jquinby at 4:32 PM on May 9, 2013 [23 favorites]


jquinby, WHOA!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:34 PM on May 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


The best parts were the Wilhelm screams of the people on whom the grasshopper leg-spurs got tangled. And that's my giant grasshopper story.
posted by jquinby at 4:37 PM on May 9, 2013 [4 favorites]


and when the lamb opened the seventh seal there was silence in heaven

for lo everyone hath run the fuck away from the giant bugs
posted by elizardbits at 4:41 PM on May 9, 2013 [12 favorites]


I can fit a whole kitten in my mouth.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:45 PM on May 9, 2013 [4 favorites]


The above comment was for davebush.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:46 PM on May 9, 2013


Damn look at those Costa Rican grasshoppers. Could maybe filet those things and get a nice pan seared grasshopper. Deglaze it with a bit of Remy, toss in some butter and flower and make a nice roux. Conversely, you could toss them in a pot, add some broth and maybe a potato and you've got a stew going.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:47 PM on May 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


I thought Paul liked cricket.
posted by benzenedream at 4:56 PM on May 9, 2013 [4 favorites]


that comment was for everyone, don't lie.
posted by elizardbits at 5:07 PM on May 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


(Incidentally, the setlist is pretty incredible. Bold move to tackle Mr Kite.)
posted by Conductor71 at 5:07 PM on May 9, 2013


He's kind of a trooper. It's not just anybody would can continue playing the piano during a swarm of locusts....
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:07 PM on May 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bold move to tackle Mr Kite.

Wonder if he brought along the sound effects track...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:12 PM on May 9, 2013


After the show, he reported that the locusts seemed to be here, there and everywhere.
posted by orme at 5:51 PM on May 9, 2013 [4 favorites]


Did they come in through the bathroom window?
posted by Optamystic at 6:17 PM on May 9, 2013


They're like the frogs in Magnolia: heaven's revenge on evil and mediocrity, and a new society is born.
posted by anothermug at 6:29 PM on May 9, 2013


I once played an outdoor concert by a river at the height of mayfly season. The singer's white jacket turned black. When I opened my case next day, it was filled with mayfly corpses.
posted by Jode at 6:37 PM on May 9, 2013


maybe I'm amazed
posted by ovvl at 6:43 PM on May 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is sad more than anything. The insects had rallied to kick off the revolt that would free us from our lizardman oppressors, and had even correctly identified McCartney as a lizardman -- after all, who better than the oft-preyed-upon crickets to suss out a reptile in disguise -- but, unfortunately for them and for us, they grossly underestimated what it'd take to get McCartney to panic and revert to his native reptilian form, and thus 'twas all for naught.

Even worse is that many of these almost-heroes had family who will now almost certainly go hungry, what their kins' almost-legendary imprudence and lack of adequate future planning.
posted by hoople at 6:44 PM on May 9, 2013 [5 favorites]


I was almost killed by ladybugs. True story.

In my high school days, I had a three mile trek on foot, forward and back, that took me across this skinny bridge over a freeway. This was a terrible place; the pedestrian part of the bridge was half the width of your normal sidewalk. And the "guard rail" was just below knee-height, so if you accidentally lurched to the side, the rail, being well below your center of gravity, would thoughtfully tip you over the side, onto the rush of freeway traffic below. So you had to be careful here.

So, this one day, I'm hiking home from school, crossing the bridge, already scared, and a BLOOD-RED CLOUD OF INSECTS descends on me and sticks. I look down at my shirt and pants, and hundreds of BLOOD BLISTERS are forming over me.

I pretty much lost my shit, at that point, running across the bridge and crying.

And, when I reached the other side, the ladybugs flew away. I suddenly understood that they were just a swarm of little bugs that had only paused to rest on me (and maybe suck up some of my copious sweat), before they continued on their journey.

Even then, I couldn't find it in my heart to be angry with them. Ladybugs are the kittens of the insect world.

But, hey, bros? A little heads-up next time, 'kay?
posted by SPrintF at 6:45 PM on May 9, 2013 [4 favorites]


On the other hand those Asian beetle things that look like ladybugs but bite? Fuck those guys.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:50 PM on May 9, 2013


I still have this fond memory of my visit to Montevideo, when on arrival at the hotel I decide to take a shower and in the middle of rinsing hair I hear what sounded like a small motorsaw that went quiet after a moment. On opening my eyes I have in front of me, dangling from the showerhead, this bright green flying beetle (I guess?) that I would have been hard pressed to hold with both hands open and all, said beast being happily drinking or washing with its spiny looooong forelimbs. I did scream like a little girl. Why I didn't slip on the soapy tub and broke my neck there and then I'll never know, but after recovering balance I pretty much run naked and almost into the public hall, this last embarrassment only avoided by tripping on my luggage and having a really intimate all-body sudden acquaintance with the cheap bleach-smelling carpet. Fucking thirsty giant insects, go find a pond or something.
posted by Iosephus at 6:59 PM on May 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I guess he decided to ... Live and let fly?

*puts on sunglasses*

YEAHHHHHHH
posted by freecellwizard at 7:18 PM on May 9, 2013 [8 favorites]


He's kind of a trooper. It's not just anybody would can continue playing the piano during a swarm of locusts....

Swarmed by bugs and keeps on going? He's a trooper and a star.

He's a Star TroopOHSHIT.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:51 PM on May 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh come on, it's a well-known supernatural fact that when insects know they are going to die, they head towards the closest God like energy they can find with their antenna, so they can pass their life force off to the worthy one.

I think somebody should fund a study as to whether or not this breed of grasshopper is ecologically stable.

posted by QueerAngel28 at 7:57 PM on May 9, 2013


It really is nothing but his fault, though, as it's common knowledge that after a patient's 15th or 16th procedure grasshoppers can no longer resist the sweet sweet plastic that all the top surgeons use.
posted by item at 8:17 PM on May 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just a reminder to anyone in North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, and Connecticut that this is a giant fucking swarm of cicadas year; they should be popping out of the ground any second now.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:20 PM on May 9, 2013


This is going to be nothing compared to the Cicada Swarm 2013.
posted by unliteral at 8:21 PM on May 9, 2013


Jinx Sys Rq!
posted by unliteral at 8:21 PM on May 9, 2013


Umm... you can eat cicadas?
posted by Jughead at 8:39 PM on May 9, 2013


Well, you can. I'm good.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:42 PM on May 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


How has no one yet linked the Oprah bees gif?
posted by maryr at 8:58 PM on May 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


Great, maryr, LOL. I am just sitting here trying to list in my head all of the albums I had... Wings at the Speed of Sound, Band on the Run, Wings Over America, but no Oprah over America. Just Tom Cruise jumping on a couch.

Does that count as locusts?
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 9:02 PM on May 9, 2013


Dear Kind and Merciful God: Please let the cicadas stay on the Yankees side of the Pinstripe Curtain.
posted by maryr at 9:07 PM on May 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty sure that McCartney is shopped.
posted by srboisvert at 9:14 PM on May 9, 2013


He's kind of a trooper. It's not just anybody would can continue playing the piano during a swarm of locusts....

Nothing can stop Sir Paul Fucking McCartney, not even a plague of locusts. After he's dead, they'll put his mouldering corpse on tour and repeatedly drop his body on a keyboard and it will make sounds much resembling what he has done for most of his life.
posted by charlie don't surf at 9:22 PM on May 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I could be attacked by locusts and I'd still have to bum rides off people.
posted by maryr at 9:27 PM on May 9, 2013


Part of the joy of making any kind of Paul McCartney post here at Mefi is seeing what lengths some people will go to to denigrate, insult and just lay general, garden-variety hate on the man who gave the world far more than his share of some of the finest rock and pop songs ever written!

Carry on!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:52 PM on May 9, 2013 [4 favorites]


TroUper, people. He's a troUper. Not a trooper. He's not in the bleedin' military.
posted by Decani at 12:25 AM on May 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


Be careful what you wish for, Paul.
posted by pracowity at 1:41 AM on May 10, 2013


He should have worked Wild Life into the set list.
posted by vacapinta at 5:03 AM on May 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


Video removed. Damn.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:44 AM on May 10, 2013


Here's some footage of the concert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68T_XeFS_08
posted by tresbizzare at 10:23 AM on May 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


(Incidentally, the setlist is pretty incredible. Bold move to tackle Mr Kite.)
Yeah, it's hard to top the original by Skynyrd. But if anyone could pull it off, it's McCartney; I hear he still does "Stairway" as a closer.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:15 PM on May 10, 2013


Too bad they weren't beetles.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 12:42 PM on May 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've eaten locusts, grasshoppers and cicadas. Roasted, fried and live from the trees or grass. Pretty tasty, good texture, plentiful and filling.

I may go on a work trip to cicada country later this year. If I did not like my job so much I would put some cicadas on my hair and clothes and wait for people to point them out. Then I would eat them and spit the little legs on the floor.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 1:06 PM on May 10, 2013


Dearest flapjax,

I'd make fun of Lennon but he's all dead and stuff and well it just wouldn't feel right.

signed,
An Unwavering George Harrison Fan
posted by item at 1:19 PM on May 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


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