"biomechanically speaking, a twelve-foot-long penis."

June 29, 2013 9:00 PM

The Brain-Chilling, Shrimp-Caressing, Lamppost-Sized, NSFW Organ Hiding In A Whale’s Mouth
posted by the man of twists and turns (26 comments total)

I kinda read the article title as, like, an exclamation. Like "what the brain-chilling, shrimp caressing, lamppost-sized fuck is going on in here?"

Uh, also, interesting article
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:06 PM on June 29, 2013 [5 favorites]

Per the article, it is not NSFW, it is NSWF (Novelly Situated Whale Fallus... er, Phallus*)

*And believe me, I looked for a while for a synonym or slang term to make the acronym fit.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:25 PM on June 29, 2013 [3 favorites]

Who's work doesn't let them look at 12 foot long whale mouth donglike structures? Be serious, this is science.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:36 PM on June 29, 2013 [3 favorites]

It's odd that there was never a 'Mouth Penis' answer-film to 'Deep Throat', unless I missed it, which I probably did.
posted by unSane at 9:39 PM on June 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

"Suddenly, Whale Penis" starring Troy McClure.
posted by Kevin Street at 9:44 PM on June 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

Black and white whale with a penis-tongue? There's a Gene Simmons joke in there somewhere.
posted by yoink at 10:17 PM on June 29, 2013 [3 favorites]

What a dork, AMIRITE?
posted by C'est la D.C. at 10:19 PM on June 29, 2013 [3 favorites]

Is that a massive krill detecting bio-heatsink, or are you just happy to see me?
posted by tripping daisy at 10:25 PM on June 29, 2013 [5 favorites]

penis breath

going to bed
posted by Beardman at 10:40 PM on June 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

soooooo legit
posted by lotusmish at 11:01 PM on June 29, 2013

This is actually what the Run DMC song "Beats to the Rhyme" is about. Sam Kinison doesn't get enough credit for his groundbreaking work in marine biology.
posted by Hoopo at 12:31 AM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

believe me, I looked for a while for a synonym or slang term to make the acronym fit

Not hard long^* enough: fuckstick

^*really no better
posted by flabdablet at 1:58 AM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]

So, every time they get too hot, these whales have to give themselves brain-freeze?
posted by orme at 2:19 AM on June 30, 2013

Man, whales are cool: they have giant heat-sink toungecocks.

Maybe in 50 years, we'll have our tounges bio-engineered into something like this, when we're totally bored and over it with sex. That first drink of cold water after a run would be amazing, and food channel types would enjoy the fuck out of their food.
posted by Ripper Minnieton at 3:16 AM on June 30, 2013

I kinda read the article title as, like, an exclamation. Like "what the brain-chilling, shrimp caressing, lamppost-sized fuck is going on in here?"


As spoken by Slim Pickens.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:50 AM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]

I know I've read about whale mouth-wangs before, most likely right here on MetaFilter, but the closest I could find is this grapefruit-sized thing.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:07 AM on June 30, 2013

This is a story about the discovery the claiming as new and renaming in Latin of an organ that Inupiat whale hunters "discovered" thousands of years ago and likely had a name and a use for, seeing as how it's their main food source and central to their culture.
posted by headnsouth at 6:47 AM on June 30, 2013 [3 favorites]

Why are they calling it a "penis"? It's not related to gender or sex, it's not used in reproduction, and I'm guessing (with no evidence) that lady whales have this organ too. Sure, it's erectile tissue that becomes rigid with blood, but surely that's not entirely unusual in mammals outside penises? OTOH, they'd have gotten only 10% the clicks if they'd not used the word "penis", so I'm going with the cynical explanation.
posted by Nelson at 7:02 AM on June 30, 2013 [12 favorites]

Maybe penis rolls off the tongue more easily than Corpus Cavernosum Maxillaris.

Lol.
posted by Ned G at 7:28 AM on June 30, 2013

Baleen -> half a million calories a mouthful.

American Food Industry, you are slacking!
posted by Devonian at 8:38 AM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]

"Hello, Lamppost-Sized, NSFW Organ Hiding In A Whale’s Mouth , what ya knowin?
I've come to watch your whalehood growin..."
posted by symbioid at 9:00 AM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

Bah - RTFA, symbioid.
posted by symbioid at 9:04 AM on June 30, 2013

unSane: "It's odd that there was never a 'Mouth Penis' answer-film to 'Deep Throat', unless I missed it, which I probably did."

It'd probably partially an Alien-parody.
posted by symbioid at 9:08 AM on June 30, 2013

the claiming as new and renaming in Latin of an organ that Inupiat whale hunters "discovered" thousands of years ago and likely had a name and a use for, seeing as how it's their main food source and central to their culture.


Whale pseudopenis is the main food source of the Inupiat and central to their culture? That's pretty specialized. I mean, the Aleut at least eat seal and salmon and things.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:17 AM on June 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

I'm pretty sure the Inuits didn't know that the structure in their mouths is a heat sink made up of erectile tissue. Although if they did, I'd imagine they'd have some pretty awesome creation myths.

This is a pretty cool find, so I'll forgive the good people at NatGeo for a little sensationalizing. Sure, it's not actually a penis, but I wouldn't feel comfortable giving a Bowhead Whale a mouth massage after reading this article.
posted by Green Winnebago at 1:53 PM on June 30, 2013 [1 favorite]

mouthcock heatsink engorges
Registering this as a username
posted by MangyCarface at 7:39 AM on July 1, 2013 [1 favorite]