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Not everything that barks is a lion
August 16, 2013 12:27 PM   Subscribe

Sometimes if the king of the jungle is not available, then use the next best animal
posted by dov3 (22 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
A Tibetan mastiff (not a lion).

This is the best photo caption I have read in a long time.

What's with the byline being "CNN Staff"?
posted by griphus at 12:31 PM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dogs make the best lions.
posted by phunniemee at 12:37 PM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


Way to ruin it for everybody, dog.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:37 PM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


YTLND
posted by Going To Maine at 12:44 PM on August 16, 2013 [14 favorites]


We Bought A Zoo II: Honey, I Sold The Animals
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 12:47 PM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


The worst part for me is how sparse that enclosure looks. I'm ambivalent about zoos at the best of times, but I feel like one of the hallmarks of a responsible zoo is at least an _attempt_ to create a habitat that the animal could be comfortable in.

No dog (or lion) should have to spend all day in a concrete cage.
posted by sparklemotion at 12:47 PM on August 16, 2013 [3 favorites]


Friend of mine worked at the Central Park zoo. They have a red panda there and for some reason some people thought it was a cat. She said the reactions ranged from irate, that they would pass a cat off as a panda, to little kids who loved the zoo kitty and wanted to know why it was there, and if it was friends with the other animals.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:55 PM on August 16, 2013


Aww Rocco the red panda.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:59 PM on August 16, 2013


that is all so depressing.
posted by sweetkid at 1:02 PM on August 16, 2013


Yes, but... what happened to the real lion...?

(meanwhile, a hunter approaching a cave somewhere in Wisconsin is about to get a hilarious surprise!)
posted by JHarris at 1:03 PM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


And let me guess, it's made entirely of melamine.
posted by evil otto at 1:12 PM on August 16, 2013 [4 favorites]


"If this works why would people even bother to go to the zoo!" wrote Guohebaxiaoma. "Children will cry out 'look a lion came out!' at the sight of Tibetan Mastiff or 'look it's a rat!' seeing snake on the street...This is totally absurd!"

This is the key point. Won't someone think of the children who learn the wrong names for animals?
posted by medusa at 1:43 PM on August 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


I read this article once about a famous mime in the 70s (who I'll say was named Marcel) who had been unable to get jobs in the theatre for a while, so had been doing I guess basically mime-busking in a park in Paris. He was spectacularly better than your average street mime, and attracted huge crowds, especially with his animal impressions.

One day after a performance, a member of the audience comes up to leave a tip in his hat, and also hands the mime his card and says he has a job offer for him, and that while it was somewhat unconventional work, it was steady, and well-paying.

The mime was intrigued and set up an appointment to talk to the guy.

Turns out, the prospective employer was the manager of a small private zoo in the Paris suburbs. Their star attraction had been a gorilla named Bobo. The manager confided in Marcel that Bobo had recently contracted incurable cancer and would die soon, and they couldn't find a replacement gorilla for at least a year because of new animal rights regulations, and the attendance drop would force the zoo to go under. So he'd come up with a desperate plan-- he'd pay Marcel to dress up as Bobo and pretend to be a gorilla for the audience. It was a 9-5 job, with some overtime for the weekends, and he even offered him a take of the box office, like in the old theater days.

Marcel was offended, and said, "I am not your performing monkey!" And stormed out of the office.

After he got to his small flat, he began to reconsider, though. To complete inhabit the role of a gorilla for days and weeks, to the point where he could fool an audience would be the performance of his career. He imagined revealing it at the end of his run in the paper, and the publicity he would get. It could revive his career. At the very least, he'd be able to not live in squalor in the mean-time.

He went back and accepted the job.

At first, it went far better than he expected. The crowds were huge and appreciative, and it was fun interacting with the kids. But he started to get bored, and the crowds noticed and started dwindling. The manager decided to invest in a new attraction, a Bengal tiger.

The novelty worked, and the crowds started coming back. But marcel started to get jealous of the crowds around the tiger cage. He new it was absurd being jealous of an animal, but he couldn't help it. He started acting up, grabbing the tigers tail through the cage as it walked by. The crowds ate it up, cheering and laughing. He'd tease it by throwing food at it and it would charge his cage, roaring.

He kept on like that for days, entertaining himself as much as the crowd. Until one day, the tiger realized that it could just sit on the other side of its cage to avoid him, ruining his fun. Then he realized one of the zookeepers had left the top of his cage unlocked (why bother, since he was only pretending to be an animal). He climbed up to the top to the delight of the crowd, and then climbed over the top of the tiger cage, where he could reach in and bother the tiger from any where.

Again, the crowd thought it was hilarious, but the tiger didn't and it swatted at his hand, and caught on his costume and actually pulled Marcel into the cage with him. Marcel freaked out and started running around the cage as fast as he could, with the tiger chasing him around.

Finally, the tiger pounced on him, and Marcel, terrified that he was about to die, shouted "LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT" and the tiger leaned its face into his and said, "Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?"
posted by empath at 1:44 PM on August 16, 2013 [29 favorites]


I don't know about where you're from, but around here, our lions bark.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 1:50 PM on August 16, 2013


Whatever. There's a panther sitting my lap right now.
posted by orme at 2:15 PM on August 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


I got a tiger and a leopard over here.
posted by sweetkid at 2:18 PM on August 16, 2013


What is everyone complaint about. The zoo signage said they were lyin'.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:19 PM on August 16, 2013


evil otto: "And let me guess, it's made entirely of melamine."

And coated with a finish that turns into GHB when you lick it.
posted by Samizdata at 2:22 PM on August 16, 2013


Great, now everyone will figure out that I don't actually have a guard lion.
posted by yohko at 3:30 PM on August 16, 2013


The worst part for me is how sparse that enclosure looks. I'm ambivalent about zoos at the best of times, but I feel like one of the hallmarks of a responsible zoo is at least an _attempt_ to create a habitat that the animal could be comfortable in.

Unfortunately there are a lot of irresponsible zoos in the world. Even large municipal zoos (like my local San Antonio Zoo) aren't really equipped to give the best lives to animals like big cats or elephants.
posted by muddgirl at 3:34 PM on August 16, 2013


What's with the byline being "CNN Staff"?

"The Internets"
posted by Artw at 3:37 PM on August 16, 2013


Sounds like it must have been a...

*puts on sunglasses*

Shih Tzu.
posted by ominous_paws at 1:44 AM on August 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


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