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October 10, 2013 2:47 PM   Subscribe

The character posters for Lars Von Trier's "Nymphomaniac" are , ahem, here (NSFW).
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI (86 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite

 
Neat. I really enjoyed "Antichrist", so I will look forward to this.
posted by SkylitDrawl at 2:54 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


I knew Dafoe would be on that list somewhere.
posted by jessamyn at 2:56 PM on October 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


They have... "arrived"?
posted by Artw at 2:56 PM on October 10, 2013 [9 favorites]


Is it weird that parts of Melancholia made me laugh hysterically? I feel weird about the idea of laughing during a Lars von Trier film.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:57 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Working title: "12 Constipates, A Smoker, and a Dead Man: A film by Lars von Trier."
posted by mochapickle at 2:58 PM on October 10, 2013 [6 favorites]


Give 'em L, Willem!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:00 PM on October 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


I feel weird about the idea of laughing during a Lars von Trier film.

Have you seen Riget/Kingdom?
posted by griphus at 3:02 PM on October 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


Lars von Trier presents: I Am Naked And I Have Stood On A Lego
posted by permafrost at 3:02 PM on October 10, 2013 [166 favorites]


Well good, now I know what Willem Dafoe looks like while orgasming.

( crosses entry off list)
posted by The Whelk at 3:02 PM on October 10, 2013 [11 favorites]


I mean I guess that is a TV show but there were straight-up hilarious scenes.
posted by griphus at 3:03 PM on October 10, 2013


oh thank god I was not subjected to Shia TheBeefs' pasty chinless o-face
posted by elizardbits at 3:03 PM on October 10, 2013 [6 favorites]


Welp, Udo Kier's poster just made the Nightmare Gallery.
posted by Kitteh at 3:03 PM on October 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


waiter! there's a fly in my soup

oh god it's not a fly
posted by lalochezia at 3:04 PM on October 10, 2013


I see Christian Slater is also coming soon.
posted by mannequito at 3:07 PM on October 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Have you seen Riget/Kingdom?

I have not, but I will put it on the list if it is worth a few laughs.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:08 PM on October 10, 2013


oh god it's not a fly

"It's OK! That's not soup!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:08 PM on October 10, 2013 [22 favorites]


My favourite ones of these are the ones where you have a full torso shot which makes it clear that they're not having sex, just making their sex face for the camera.

It's like yes this voyeurism but the fun kind, the one where you fall over laughing afterwards because when you look at it sex is just silly. And still aggressively personal.
posted by litleozy at 3:13 PM on October 10, 2013


Willem Dafoe's body is just his face. It's basically just his face, on top of a larger version of his face.
posted by 235w103 at 3:14 PM on October 10, 2013 [18 favorites]


Now that I have seen the Udo Kier poster, my life is complete. The rest shall be mere epilogue to this inevitable narrative climax.
posted by byanyothername at 3:14 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


"It's OK! That's not soup!

Squash?
posted by kmz at 3:16 PM on October 10, 2013 [10 favorites]


Man, I did not expect the kid from Even Stevens to look so convincing as a dissolute European dude.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 3:16 PM on October 10, 2013


"Have you seen my 'Green Goblin'?"
posted by Artw at 3:17 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


(Also, I am of the opinion that von Trier kind of lost something--some necessary restraint or focus or structure--after The Element of Crime, which really remains among my favorite films. A lot of his work after Europa is really interesting, but not really as consistent or whole as Element. Melancholia is a wonderfully visionary film and probably the rawest expression of cosmicism in fiction, but still suffers from that unevenness or lack of refinement that von Trier's films after 1991 seem to have. This makes me a little bit sad, because he has such good ideas, but can never seem to construct them into satisfyingly refined, mature films.)
posted by byanyothername at 3:20 PM on October 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


I suspect someone is just dunking his junk in the penis beaker (I'm looking at YOU, Stellan Skaarsgard).
posted by Kitteh at 3:20 PM on October 10, 2013 [16 favorites]


Ex lax ads
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:20 PM on October 10, 2013


current lax ads
posted by lalochezia at 3:22 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I gave up on LVT a while back (after really enjoying Europa), but I would watch this solely on the basis of the () in the title. That's hot type.
posted by chavenet at 3:23 PM on October 10, 2013


Imagine each trying to lift a heavy wheelbarrow.
posted by gottabefunky at 3:23 PM on October 10, 2013


And Donald Sutherland as the clumsy waiter.
posted by munchingzombie at 3:24 PM on October 10, 2013 [6 favorites]


Every time I think about von Trier films I'm reminded of a university housemate of mine who came home one Friday night, ashen-faced, from a rep theatre screening of Dancer In The Dark and went straight to bed instead of partying with the rest of us.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:25 PM on October 10, 2013 [15 favorites]


I think Christian Slater just looks sort of upset with himself for peeing on the toilet seat or something.
posted by onlyconnect at 3:31 PM on October 10, 2013


Ah madre mios! Siempre estas hablando de este y- --- i KILLED a SHEEP --- And Aaaaaaaeeeiiiiiiii willl allllwaaaa- --- UGGGH best dump ever ---- Bouncy castles are the SHIT --- I am sooooo hungover. Is that sand down there? Maybe if I lie here it will go away...
posted by litleozy at 3:33 PM on October 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


Obviously Udo Kier was going to win for best O face.
posted by cazoo at 3:34 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


I... he... it....

::shudders::


No. I didn't need to see Udo Kier's O-face.

Je sais, je sais, "La petite mort" et tout ce qui, mais he looks like he's actually dying.

posted by droplet at 3:34 PM on October 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


I feel weird about the idea of laughing during a Lars von Trier film.

Have you seen Riget/Kingdom?


"So, what did you think of tonight's show? Yeah, you're thinking it was boring and kind of sucked; well, have patience, because it is going to get scary, and maybe you will think perhaps it was not so boring, after all. See you next week."

Paraphrased, but pretty much his post-show commentary for at least the first two or three episodes. I remember thinking, "Did he just tell me his show sucked, and was boring? I think he did. I've never seen it done that way before."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 3:36 PM on October 10, 2013


The Card Cheat: "Every time I think about von Trier films I'm reminded of a university housemate of mine who came home one Friday night, ashen-faced, from a rep theatre screening of Dancer In The Dark and went straight to bed instead of partying with the rest of us."

heh, I had kind of the reverse experience a few years ago when an old high school friend emailed me and said she had moved out west to Vancouver a few months before and had been trying to track me down. I made plans to drop by her house and meet her new roommates, so Friday night at like 10pm or so I go over there and walk in to the house with a 12-pack, like "Whatsup!!!!?" and then I notice all 5 people are sitting on the couch quietly weeping while some end credits played on the tv.
posted by mannequito at 3:41 PM on October 10, 2013 [21 favorites]


Well good, now I know what Willem Dafoe looks like while orgasming.

Errrr was this data you were hoping to collect personally?
posted by rough ashlar at 3:42 PM on October 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


As these guys pointed out, Lars Von Trier is the "b" in subtle.
posted by wensink at 3:44 PM on October 10, 2013


...a young woman who recounts her sexual history to a stranger after being found beaten in an alley.

I see he's changing things up... the woman is supposed to be beaten at the end of the movie.
posted by ennui.bz at 3:45 PM on October 10, 2013 [10 favorites]


My only surprise at seeing Willem Dafoe here is the reminder that some people for whatever reason work with Von Trier more than once.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:50 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well good, now I know what Willem Dafoe looks like while orgasming.

Wow, who knew Dafoe looked like me after having a really satisfying big dump? I mean, it's the same process isn't it? It's a bodily release. And exactly as an orgasm, a big dump does not want worries. If you are worried, you will not have a big dump. I sometime have a big dump anxiety, not far from a performance anxiety because I would not like to displease my SO who would not be satisfied if I held a big, hot, steamy dump for a week.

I think all Lars want us to feel is the great holy liberation associated with a big dump, except that being scatological would not be approved by mainstream hollywood.
posted by elpapacito at 3:51 PM on October 10, 2013


My only surprise at seeing Willem Dafoe here is the reminder that some people for whatever reason work with Von Trier more than once.

Him AND Charlotte Gainsbourg, so that's both the co-stars of Antichrist.
posted by chrominance at 3:52 PM on October 10, 2013


a big dump does not want worries.

Sezs your ACA covered anal fissures.
posted by rough ashlar at 3:55 PM on October 10, 2013


I'm going down that list, muttering to myself 'no skarsgard' over and over again, and then it was worse that I thought it would be.
posted by Sphinx at 3:57 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Welp, Udo Kier's poster just made the Nightmare Gallery.

I was just thinking there aren't enough films with Udo Kier in them, naked and waiting on tables.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:58 PM on October 10, 2013


I now know what 'vinegar strokes' means, so there's that.
posted by unliteral at 4:07 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


Scenario: posted by maggieb at 4:37 PM on October 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


I just heard gales of laughter coming from the other room.

And I knew.


You saw it, didn't you.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:09 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Take cover Arizona!!"
posted by Pistache at 5:32 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


GenjiandProust: "That's not soup!"

Beaker water?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:32 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'll just leave this here: Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier
posted by fatbird at 5:41 PM on October 10, 2013 [7 favorites]


Rhythm method actors.
posted by zippy at 5:55 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


it was worse that I thought it would be.

He's the only one who looked sort of human-like, albeit nipply.
posted by jessamyn at 6:20 PM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Udo Kier is a shoe-in for the prix d'interpr├ętation masculine at Cannes next year.
posted by doublesix at 6:24 PM on October 10, 2013


He's the only one who looked sort of human-like, albeit nipply.

When the Mamma Mia movie came out, all the advertising I saw highlighted Colin Firth and Pierce Brosnan, but not Stella Skarsgard (I assume because he wasn't considered heart throb-y enough). So I'm kinda proud to see him here in his "I AM SEX" pose, nipples akimbo. You go, Stellan, with your badass 62 year old self!
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:28 PM on October 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


I...kind of want to see this now, and I don't care much for Von Trier. You go, Von Trier!
posted by bookwibble at 6:49 PM on October 10, 2013


Also, I heard this is supposed to be 5 hours long, so the fact that I want to even sort of see it is somewhat impressive.
posted by bookwibble at 6:51 PM on October 10, 2013


Well, you could wait until it is out on home-video. Then you wouldn't have to watch the whole thing all at once. You could watch it in spurts.
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:57 PM on October 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


I was not prepared for Shia leBoooof to look like that.

Interesting.
posted by sio42 at 7:11 PM on October 10, 2013


Is there anyone sexier than Charlotte Gainsbourg?
posted by anothermug at 7:54 PM on October 10, 2013


Is it just me or does Christian Slater not look convincingly old enough to be either Joe's father?
posted by juv3nal at 8:00 PM on October 10, 2013


anothermug. The answer to your question is no, there is not. Though Audrey Tautou comes close.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 8:16 PM on October 10, 2013


Is there anyone sexier than Charlotte Gainsbourg?

Serge Gainsbourg
posted by en forme de poire at 8:36 PM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


Great, now I can't get the phrase "nipples akimbo" out of my head. Or the image.
posted by sapere aude at 8:45 PM on October 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


Is there anyone sexier than Charlotte Gainsbourg?

Serge Gainsbourg


Lemon Incest - 1984
posted by unliteral at 8:51 PM on October 10, 2013


It's a zombie movie.

Udo Kier has gone full-on zombie. Everyone else has been bitten while sweaty & naked and the zombie-cooties are coursing through their bodies as the photo was shot.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:12 PM on October 10, 2013


Welp, Udo Kier's poster just made the Nightmare Gallery.
---
I was just thinking there aren't enough films with Udo Kier in them, naked and waiting on tables.


I read that as 'writhing on tables' and recalled his birth scene from Riget. I remember watching all 8 episodes of that back when I was 16 or so, having checked it out on a whim, and not being prepared for that scene. I'm still not prepared for that scene.
posted by FatherDagon at 11:22 PM on October 10, 2013


Working title: Different Vinegar Strokes
posted by MuffinMan at 1:09 AM on October 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


I may watch just to see what the fuck is the deal with Uma Thurman's character saying, as she does in the trailer, to paraphrase, 'May the children see the whoring bed? I know they had a stake in the event.'

But really, isn't sex in LVT movies supposed to traumatize the audience in some way (Breaking the Waves, Antichrist, a bit in Melancholia). So I guess I this might a good flic to see before entering the nunnery or deciding on an Emily Dickinson way of life.
posted by angrycat at 3:39 AM on October 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


juv3nal: "Is it just me or does Christian Slater not look convincingly old enough to be either Joe's father?"
I assume the story is told in flashbacks.
posted by brokkr at 6:15 AM on October 11, 2013


A stupid, horrible phony filmmaker. I have boycotted his movies since Dogville. You should do yourself a favour and boycott them too.
posted by dydecker at 6:21 AM on October 11, 2013


I'm still not prepared for that scene.

That scene is part of you now. In some ways, you are always watching Udo Kier. Right now. Every moment is that moment.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:31 AM on October 11, 2013


Is no one creeped out by the Jamie Bell one?
I mean Billy Elliot as Tintin I could handle, but ... this?
posted by Mezentian at 7:15 AM on October 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Aw Hell, now I'm wishing I could see this treatment applied to a few of my other favorites, like maybe Christopher Walken, Terence Stamp or Helen Mirren.

Also, if Iggy Pop posed this way I think it would break the Internet.
posted by kinnakeet at 7:54 AM on October 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, if Iggy Pop posed this way I think it would break the Internet.

I think you just need to screenshot Iggy from most points in the last 40 years.

Now, Leonard Cohen....
posted by Mezentian at 8:03 AM on October 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


Huh, I didn't know Charlie Day was in this. They mislabeled his as "Christian Slater" for some reason though. What's a Christian Slater?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 8:28 AM on October 11, 2013


Someone made Udo even scarier
posted by ymgve at 8:36 AM on October 11, 2013 [4 favorites]


I really enjoyed "Antichrist"...

This just gets funnier the more you think about it.
posted by Mister_A at 8:43 AM on October 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


Someone made Udo even scarier

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
posted by Kitteh at 8:45 AM on October 11, 2013


Lemon Incest - 1984 yt

yup, so that happened.
posted by en forme de poire at 9:32 AM on October 11, 2013


ha, permafrost's lego comment got a shout-out on gawker
posted by changeling at 9:32 AM on October 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


This is gonna be awesome. Hate him if you want.. there's no filmmaker like him. Probably never will be again.
posted by ReeMonster at 9:58 AM on October 11, 2013


I feel the same about LVT as I do about BEE:
1) Both seem to be assholes IRL
2) Both seem to want to create shit that will make the purchaser feel bad
3) I think I'm going to start using my middle name on stuff. I have this theory that three word names lend to fame and fortune. And maybe people hating you.
posted by angrycat at 10:09 AM on October 11, 2013


I think I'm going to start using my middle name on stuff. I have this theory that three word names lend to fame and fortune. And maybe people hating you.

Exhibit A: Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Exhibit B: Jennifer Love Hewitt

I think I'm going to start using my middle name on stuff

Which one? "Boudicca", "Ninja", or "Stuntin'"

Angry Boudicca Cat...
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:14 AM on October 13, 2013


I have two middle names and am unsure which one I want to replace my last name when my light verse makes me a trillionaire.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:14 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


"So, what did you think of tonight's show? Yeah, you're thinking it was boring and kind of sucked; well, have patience, because it is going to get scary, and maybe you will think perhaps it was not so boring, after all. See you next week."

Paraphrased, but pretty much his post-show commentary for at least the first two or three episodes. I remember thinking, "Did he just tell me his show sucked, and was boring? I think he did. I've never seen it done that way before."


The way he throws the horns at the end of (the final one? more than one?) of those totally cracks me up every time. It's AMAZING.
posted by juv3nal at 1:00 AM on October 17, 2013


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